Monday, June 2, 2008

Before and After

Pretty much ever since I've been married I've looked back at the family photo albums and had a new appreciation for the pictures of my parents before they had kids. Of course, my parents were quite a bit younger in their just married/pre-kids days, but even still...for some reason it's interesting to think of what they were like before they had kids and relate it to Craig's and my existence the last five years. Never having known my parents without kids (duh), those pictures were just a little bit of insight into their younger, more carefree days. It's like that scene in Field of Dreams where Ray realizes that the catcher on the field is his dad, young and before he was worn down by life. As Ray said, "He has his whole life in front of him, and I'm not even a glint in his eye."

I've known that at some point Craig and I would have kids, and someday our kids may look at our photo albums and see the same sort of "before" shots of us. I can't begin to imagine what they'll think of them, but it's amazing to think that we're officially in the last month or so of that era. This whole process is like making your own little bit of history. And honestly, I think that's part of the reason we wanted to have kids...because we were both blessed with great families and wanted to add to that history ourselves, to pass along that great family tradition to our kids.

As a kid you think imagine what it's like to have kids...or at least, I know a lot of little girls do by virtue of playing house. You stuff the pillow up your shirt and pretend to be pregnant...and as you get older you begin to wonder what it would really be like to be pregnant, swearing you'll be a cool pregnant chick in cool maternity clothes. All that imagining is over these days as I look in the mirror and can hardly believe that it's really me and I'm really sporting this huge belly. I've grown accustomed to wearing something with an empire waist every day, and I'm getting used to (but still amazed by) all the crazy kicking going on inside my body. That stuff has become normal, and it occurred to me this morning that I already only have another month of it left. In another month I'll look like any other woman walking through the mall, that I will go back to the world of the love-hate relationship with my stomach, and that I won't have this constant companion stowing away in my belly. Everything will be different, and I'll re-adjust again.

Regardless, the point is that in a span of nine months, we'll have changed our entire existence. Not just in the present, but for years to come. And much like my parents' photo albums, there will be this journey, from just to the two of us, to us with this new little baby, to watching the baby grow up, to hopefully adding at least one more, and then to wherever else life leads us. We're getting our little bit of history up and running, starting our own little story of our family. It's a pretty crazy thing to think about.

Sorry for the uber-philosophical post...sometimes my brain goes off on these random, deep tangents, and I just have to hope some of what I type makes sense!

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