Friday, June 13, 2008

Paranoia

So, this walking time bomb thing is really starting to make me a little nervous. Not knowing when your life is totally going to change is making me a little anxious. And at the moment it's not even so much about the baby, though that is definitely on my mind. It's more the things left undone. And while I know I shouldn't worry about that stuff, it's hard not to. Work is probably the big one right now, because for the longest time I was convinced I'd go late (genetics, being so small, first baby) and could wrap things up nicely before I had the baby. Now, with the dilation news from yesterday, I'm really not so sure. If I would have stayed at 1 cm, I would have easily subscribed to the whole, "People can stay at 1 cm for weeks" theory. And although it can happen, I have to think that staying at 2 or 3 cm is a bit rarer. So every day when I'm sitting at work I keep wondering how many things are going to be left undone if I go unexpectedly. I suppose this is why they encourage you to take the two weeks of disability before your due date--to minimize surprises. But I might go crazy if I had to sit around the house for a couple weeks waiting, and I have a lot of work I'd like to get done if I am lucky enough to get the time. So now I've started doing things as I think of them, sending notes to my bosses about random things I don't want to forget, straightening up my desk before the weekend, things like that. I like my bosses and don't want to leave too many balls in the air when I finally go out. Even getting all of my maternity leave paperwork filled out is a concern. What if I go early and it's not done? Oy.

I have a lot to do this weekend to get the nursery ready. It's my first full weekend at home in weeks, and now that we finally have the furniture and it's all assembled (last night's crib assembly could have been on a TV show...classic mess), I can actually get going on that. My fear is if I go into labor before I do, I might never get it in the best shape possible. I can imagine my brain won't exactly be in the right mindset to organize effectively when I'm trying to learn how to be a parent and am sleep-deprived. I know, I know...it doesn't really matter and it will all work itself out at some point...but I'd really like to at least get a good start on it and not leave piles of stuff for Craig to sort through before the baby and I get home from the hospital.

I'm also starting to get into a bit of paranoia about my water breaking. Now that it's looking like I might go early, I'm thinking the odds of it breaking at the hospital are slim. I guess I can hope it's just a trickle and not a gush (seriously, those are the terms they use--sorry if that's a little graphic), but even still...yuck. The two blogs that inspired this one talked about walking around with a water bottle, just in case it needed to be "spilled" at strategic time. :) I've already heard one story about a mattress being ruined. Right now I'm driving with a towel on the seat of my car (new car...not exactly jazzed about the thought of wrecking the seat), but I still need to try to waterproof our mattress a bit. I'm not too sure about what to do about our couch, since I spend a lot of time there. I'd hate for it to break in public place, or even at work. I'd feel bad for whoever had to clean that up.

Lots of stuff on my mind these days, I suppose. I've got a to do list for the weekend and I'm hoping I can clear some things off it. The more I get done, the better I'll feel...but I'd still like the baby to stay put for just a little longer!

2 comments:

Mom B. said...

I meant to leave you a comment the other day that, when you make your sign, to make one for me too! No matter where I go, people ask me about you, when the baby is due, etc.

Love! Mom

Corrina said...

I had a friend give me a suggestion when I was pregnant to waterproof your bed a little. If you don't have some already get some of the all purpose waterproof pads for the baby. Then put one between your sheet and mattress pad on your side of the bed. I was freaked out about the water breaking part two and also kept a towel on my car seat :)