News & Notes, October in Review

So, with the epically long and long-to-write posts I've been doing lately, I haven't really been getting back around to the other little things we've been doing this month.  I guess our summer trend has continued--mostly little moments in between the big ones!

Carter wrapped up fall soccer on a super rainy day mid-month with a big win.  No matter how many ways I tried to block the rain--chair with a cover, umbrella, raincoat, boots, waterproof blanket, poncho--it still managed to drip through and soak me in spots.  Oh well.  But at least I could mostly keep warm--the players were drenched and cold!  Carter could barely move his hands by the end, but the year-end gift was a comfy flannel blanket, which was perfect.  

Soaked to the skin and muddy!

We stopped on the way home to finally pick up pizza from Carbone's, the pizza place we've passed by dozens of times on the way back from soccer and always talked about stopping at.  Thanks to the cold, the ice cream place a couple doors down will have to wait!  But he loved the pizza and it was a nice reward for a good season.  He may not have scored but he hung in there with big kids who are already playing modified soccer and kept a good attitude throughout.

Despite the rainy weekend (that was a trend the entire month), we went to get pumpkins the next day.  We found a short break in the rain and still got sprinkled on, but the trip was a success!

We did a little stack this time, which was fun.  I got a medium-sized warty orange and green pumpkin at my office last week to finish it off.

As I mentioned in my last post, I took a work-sponsored tour at Mt. Hope Cemetery a couple weeks ago.  It was such a fun and interesting tour that highlighted the "Mischief, Murder, and Mayhem" of the cemetery's "residents".  There were some little-known stories of botched murders, sad murders, riots and more.  It was so well done--the tour guide was an older gentleman who seems to love local history--and the leaves and details around the cemetery were gorgeous. 
   

This rock was on the grave of the guy who founded Ward's Natural Science and featured bits of red jasper stone in it.

I took a picture of this when the fountain in the middle was running when we visited during COVID.  It was so peaceful in the fall.  

The leaves on this tree were so pretty.  It may not be clear unless you zoom in, but trust me they were pretty against the finally-blue sky.  It was one pleasant day in the middle of lots of rain (and not super cold) so I was happy to see any nice leaves at all at that point, since it wasn't looking good to get in a fall hike like Carter and I usually do. 

Last Saturday we once again went to the Monroe Madness event for the Syracuse University basketball teams at the Blue Cross Arena.  It was fun being back and seeing the court down for the first time since Jacob's sectional win.  Jacob and Carter got to go shoot on the court the night before, despite Jacob's injury.  Carter and I got our picture with Otto!

Hopefully Jacob is able to be back on this court again at the end of the high school season, but we have a long way to go.

Later that night I was in the crawl space checking for hand-me-downs for Carter and I noticed a puddle of water around a drain.  The drain was sort of weird--I've never really noticed it but it was only a few feet away from the sump pump and what I believe is the sewer pipe.  It appeared to be a drain, anyway--it was a round spot in the floor that the past owners had capped with a red raisin can lid that had been cemented down somehow.  All I can figure is their pets wouldn't leave it alone, or maybe critters were coming up through it?  But I'm wondering how it passed inspection when we bought the house.  It looks like they tried to poke holes in it, but I'm not convinced they'd drain if they had to.  I was worried something was backing up, but it didn't smell so that gave me hope.  I sent a picture to our plumber and posted something on Facebook looking for crowdsourced expertise.  I soaked up what water was there, but there was more water there the next morning.  We were on our way to Craig's parents' for the Bills game after church on Sunday when the plumber got back to me and suggested I contact the DPW to come look at it sooner rather than later.  I had the boys drop me back off so I could wait for them to come.  It was a bummer to miss the family time and Buffalo food, but duty called.  They came within an hour but admitted they couldn't really do much in the crawl space (no confined spaces).  They didn't find anything of concern since our toilets were flushing fine.  As they were there, I realized the back of our dehumidifier was all iced up.  I didn't think the water was coming from there originally because it was draining fine into the sump hole and the puddle didn't go that far over, but I realized as I was thawing the ice and watching the melting water end up around the drain that the trail probably dried up first before the puddle, so it didn't look like it came from there.  Once I turned it off, the puddle stopped, so it seems like the freeze and thaw cycle of the dehumidifer did it.  So far so good after the thaw and restart, but we'll see.  Now that the heat is back on I'm not sure it's running a lot, so I'll just have to keep an eye on it.

That night I ran to Wegmans and when I came out, the lighting outside was wacky.  Dark clouds in one area, golden in others, interesting clouds to the west.  On the way home, I saw this crazy bit of rainbow.  Turns out in other parts of Rochester it was a super vivid full sky double rainbow, but this little bit was impressive on its own.  

This was the view to the west with orange-gold clouds.  

When I got home I went out to the yard to see if I could see the now-pink sky better there.  I walked out and suddenly realized I was being watched--by the same buck I saw from my bedroom window earlier that morning.  

I saw a doe in the morning, too, but she was nowhere to be found.  He seemed curious about me, but he only stuck around for about 30 seconds after I showed up.  One of them did come back late that night though, and when I saw them walk toward my garden, all it took was opening the blinds (to then open the window) for them to take off!  Anyway, the sky was gorgeous, especially with the leaves.  

The light it was casting on everything was just stunning and eerie.  It was a crazy 15 minutes or so, but was so neat to experience at the end of a somewhat stressful 24 hours.

The next day, I happened to catch yet another rainbow, but this time it was a sundog as I was driving home from work.  I guess God thought I needed two reminders of his promise?

That night I had to take Carter to get a Halloween costume, and while this is not his costume, it cracked us up!

It took us a few stops (including getting to the Halloween store right at closing time, darn it), but Target did the trick.  I even got a couple cheap, early Christmas decorations while we were there, along with my Halloween candy.  It was a big relief to find something for him, especially at a good price.  It's hard with school because he can't wear a mask or make it too scary, and it's just not worth spending a ton on a costume that will be worn an hour at school and a few hours for trick-or-treating.  So anything that's too reliant on a mask--think Darth Vader--just doesn't make sense.  We found a good compromise--the mask is still probably the coolest part, but the costume doesn't need it to be fun.

 

That Tuesday started an amazing stretch of weather (compared to most of the month) where it was finally warm and sunny after being colder than usual all month.  I guess it's technically Indian summer because we had a frost--although I don't think it really killed everything off like usual because half of my plants are still doing just fine in the yard.  On Tuesday I was working from home and decided I needed to go for a walk at lunch.  It was so lovely to be outside in warmth, and the trees in our neighborhood were gorgeous.  

I also caught pictures of the really fun Halloween house around the corner, the one where the husband passed away and his wife has continued their fun display in his memory.  My night pictures never turn out so I figured I'd take them while I had the chance!

That night was Carter's evaluation night for this year's Upward basketball season.  The season won't start until January, but they always do this night in October to get an idea of their skills to try to make even teams.  I ran into two friends from college (one volunteering and the other waiting for her girls to do their evaluations) and also chatted with Carter's buddy Ben's mom for the first time since summer soccer season.  I've seen his dad at a couple school events, so it was nice to catch up with her.  We're crossing our fingers they could end up on the same team.  Carter's evaluation wasn't as good as he wanted--the rims were not kind to him--but he still did a decent job.  And honestly, I sometimes think that if your evaluation doesn't show how good you are, you're more likely to leave room for more good players on your team and can hopefully be more of a help than the evaluators expected.  We know one coach has his eye out for him--he was a coach at Carter's level last year and recognized us because he was a scorekeeper at Jacob's old school for the basketball games.  We ran into him at soccer a while back and talked about why Jacob switched, and he asked if Carter was playing this year and told us he'd be coaching the 5/6 group.  So hopefully we'll have him as a coach, but I have no idea how they assign kids so we'll see how the season goes.  It's hard to believe he's at the same age/level as when Jacob first played Upward.  Jacob was really good, and I can't quite picture Carter shooting threes like his brother did.  They are definitely different players at this stage, but I think it will be a good activity for him this winter and I hope he finally gets a winning team after mustering only one win and (I think) a couple ties over the past season and two-thirds (darn COVID).

I had Carter's parent-teacher conference on Friday morning, and it's always nice when the first thing a teacher says is, "I love your son!"  His teacher is this unassuming, sort of mousey older lady.  She was so soft-spoken at the open house a couple weeks ago and I couldn't figure out how she could keep the attention of a class of 10-year-olds, but Carter insisted she was funny.  Turns out, she was such a joy to talk to.  I think she's a bit of a firecracker in disguise--usually a somber face, but there's some definite dry humor there and I can see her being animated when she needs to.  She seems to know a lot about neurological stuff so we had a nice chat about ADHD.  Interestingly, she said that she feels that kids who don't get on medicine by about third grade seem to never quite catch up.  In her experience, the amount of learning lost to the inattention and distraction creates a gap in the foundational learning that makes catching up and building upon it in later grades nearly impossible because that base just isn't there.  So she said our timing to get him help was perfect and whatever we're doing is working.  Overall she seems thrilled with Carter and how he's performing.  He's above grade level on a bunch of stuff, which she was very impressed with.  There's still frustrations with his writing and his organization, which I am totally on board with as well, but she really seems to love his personality and his thoughtfulness about his work.  It was such a joy after last year's conference that was bad enough to set the stage to up his ADHD meds.  I mean, I'm thankful that communication was there to ensure he was getting the help he needed, and the rest of the year got better, but that conference was quite the bummer--and immediately afterward I found out Carter had COVID, so that was not the best day ever!  But a year later things are so much better and my mama heart was so happy! 

Carter had that day off because of parent-teacher conferences, so shortly after I got home, we were off to our first Carter-Mom adventure in a while! Can't wait to share more about that soon!

We Just Can't Win

Last week Jacob started complaining his leg hurt.  Somewhere below the knee, different leg than the broken bone he'd had in the spring, but the same leg where he had the bone cyst when he was younger.  We were hoping it was just mild shin splints or something that would go away, but it didn't and we decided we should probably get it looked at.

Of course, my brain decided to go off the deep end for a bit, and I spent all day Wednesday in the middle of my version of an anxiety attack--completely paralyzed at my desk going through worst-case scenarios, convinced it was bone cancer or something else terrible.  This is how anxiety works, in case you were unaware.  When Jacob was talking about how it felt like it was in his bone, my brain pulled in the nugget that he's had a small bump on his neck for a couple weeks.  I'm pretty sure it's just a lymph node and it has gotten smaller over time, so I thought it was fine, but then those two things together got my brain going.  Then I added the realization it was in his leg that's already had two abnormal growths--first the mole he had removed when he was a toddler, then the bone cyst when he was seven.  I've always wondered if there's something about that leg that makes it prone to irregularities, and that little realization completely set me off.  I didn't start to calm down until I had a lovely work-sponsored walking tour around Mt. Hope Cemetery later in the day, but I still wasn't particularly comfortable after that, just a bit calmer.  

Luckily we got him in to the orthopedic doctor on Thursday and that led to a series of imaging.  First they did an x-ray which didn't show much.  Then they moved on to an ultrasound, which did show some swelling and fluid around his shin.  Then there was an MRI that night because they weren't confident they could see everything around all the metal in his leg from the bone cyst reconstruction.  When those results came back, at first we thought we were in the clear based on what the report said.  But...it turns out that he actually had pretty bad shin splits that could have turned into a stress fracture with a little more time.  Well...crap.  This poor kid can't catch a break.  I guess it was among the best of the scenarios--he definitely has to rest it and wear a brace for a couple weeks at least, but he can still shoot and work out his upper body, and he should be able to be fully back by Thanksgiving.  That means he'll likely miss the first couple games of the high school season, but it could have been a lot worse had the stress fracture happened.  

Of course, seeing as this is his second bone issue in his legs in the last six months, the doctor wanted to do some blood work on him.  Of course, I made the mistake of getting my own blood work done that morning, so I spent a good chunk of Friday also being an anxious mess waiting on results.  I'd see a notification in my email that one result or another was in, and instantly my heart rate would shoot up and I'd nervously go look for it.  Jacob's was a bit of a mixed bag.  For the most part things were normal.  His hemoglobin looked better than it did when we found out he was low in May, so even though the doctor didn't check his ferritin, I think that's a decent sign that his iron has to be better.  It's actually way higher than mine usually is when I give blood!  However, his vitamin D was still low despite us supplementing since May.  He had a couple other results that were either off or just barely normal, and while I did all sorts of inadvisable Googling, ultimately it looks like low vitamin D can impact the amount of calcium that reaches the bones.  He had an abnormal result on a parathyroid hormone test, which seemed scary but ultimately confirms that the low vitamin D seems to be telling his body (and this hormone specifically) to release calcium into the bloodstream, which means it's being taken away from the bones.  It's hard to say why his vitamin D is so low, but Celiac Disease can cause a lot of weird stuff.  Also, vitamin D is a fat-soluble vitamin and he doesn't have a lot of fat for it to latch on to, I suppose.  Apparently it's not uncommon for athletes to be low, and I think that's part of the reason--they're just a little too fit for it to "stick" the way it should.  So, we will up his supplementation and do blood work again in a few months.  Hopefully the higher levels will assist in his recovery and we'll get this under control for the future.  It's still a little unnerving, to be honest, because if this doesn't help as expected we might have bigger issues on our hands, but so far the doctor seems to think this should do it.  

It's sad he has to keep going through this, and frustrating because he sort of predicted it would happen given how much training has been expected of him leading up to the season.  He had to do a mile run the previous weekend and I have to think that didn't help as it seemed to get noticeably worse after that.  He's generally training with kids that are about 1-3 years older than him, and I think that year or more makes a big difference on what the body can withstand.  By all accounts he's still growing, so his body is constantly adjusting as it is, let alone when the training adds more strain.  Not only that, but he's trying to build muscle on a frame that's not particularly bulky, and I just don't think his body can do yet what his fully grown teammates' bodies can do.  Give it a couple years and he'll be there, but he's still young compared those guys and a year can make a huge difference at this age.  I'm hoping his coach sees now that it's not just a mental thing--he's not wimping out or trying to avoid hard work.  His body literally couldn't withstand it.  I don't know if it's fair to say that having an autoimmune disease automatically puts him at a disadvantage, but it's not helping and that probably should be taken into consideration.  So, now we just make sure he's doing what he can until he heals, including working on his shot, so he's not as rusty or out of shape when the season gets going.

As for me, my blood work was mostly fine, although not as reassuring as I was hoping for.  This was stemming from an issue I had over the summer, and my doctor figured while we were doing one test, we could throw in a few more we hadn't done in a while.  I ended up waiting to get it done to get one thing out of my system that could impact the thyroid results, but then I got busy, and then I got sick, and then we were on vacation and I didn't feel 100% after that so I kept putting it off.  But on Friday I was feeling a bit better from whatever cold I had been fighting off, and my flu shot got done so fast that I decided it was time.  My thyroid level was a bit low but within range.  My mom is on medicine and it turns out that was a menopause thing so I wouldn't be surprised if mine is starting to tank as I get closer to that stage of life.  Everything else looked fine except that the Celiac test looked extra low.  Normally that would be a good thing, but the previous times I had it done, my levels were between 2-4, which was still solidly negative.  This time they were pretty much undetectable, which seems odd since I'd only really expect them to stay the same or rise, as my diet hasn't changed.  Most of my Googling only found that they would be undetectable if I was a Celiac now eating a gluten-free diet, which is not the case.  The test can be rendered invalid, however, if this one antibody level is too low.  Mine was just below normal last time, so I suspect it could be lower now.  That doesn't mean I have Celiac, it just means that I might have an IgA deficiency, which happens with people with allergies and respiratory issues, which is definitely me.  That might explain why I have had a lot of cold symptoms lately, too.  For some reason they didn't do the IgA level this time, so I suspect I should have that tested and get the other type of Celiac test that low-IgA people get.  I haven't had serious issues but my digestive system can be a little funky at times so it probably wouldn't hurt to double check.  I somewhat suspect I have a recurrence of the small intestine bacterial overgrowth I had a number of years ago, and/or I could have leaky gut, which might explain my tennis elbow issue over the last 11 months or so, not to mention some of my deficiencies in iron, ferritin, and vitamin D.  So, more work to do there, and I don't relish that this might be a bit of a wild goose chase that could involve some diet restrictions if things don't go well.  With already not having my smell--and therefore taste--plus the dietary restrictions for our family meals, the thought of restricting my food for non-family meals as well is exhausting and depressing.  Let's hope that's not the case.  On top of that, I've been dealing with some head pressure and jaw pain, which I thought might have to do with the arthritis I have in my jaw (that I only knew I had from a sinus CT scan years ago, though I've dealt with a periodic clicking jaw since I was a teenager).  The other night I woke up from a dream and realized I was clenching my jaw so hard.  I've never noticed that or suspected I grind my teeth, but that was crazy and explained the tooth pain and headaches.  I might just deal until my next dental appointment in a few months.  I don't want to sleep with a mouthpiece, though!  Overall, I feel like I haven't been the same since COVID (although I think either Disney adrenaline got me through that first week).  It's nothing major that I can pinpoint--just generally not feeling great.  Being extra tired every evening is really the one thing that I can firmly say has been happening and is decidedly different.  Unless I have the energy to work out, I am falling asleep in my chair by 9pm.  It's pretty frustrating.  The rest is sort of changeable by the day or hard to describe or pin down.  But if I get something of a bit more substance that doesn't make me sound purely like a hypochondriac, I will definitely mention it to my doctor.

It's just so frustrating to deal with medical stuff on top of normal life stuff.  I'm a worrier and clearly my brain is prone to going to weird places.  And then when you hear stories of people who had seemingly innocent issues turn into something major, it just validates those fears even more.  My boss' niece who's my age just got a terminal diagnosis with a lung issue she's been battling since she got COVID that made her autoimmune problems flare up and attack her lungs.  Stuff like that happens and you never know when it's your turn.  We had our seven-year-old have major bone surgery, for goodness sake.  My dad had quadruple bypass without ever having a heart attack.  I've had numerous friends have kids with cancer.  Sure, most things turn out to be nothing--how many times have I panicked about myself or my kids and it's ended up fine--but you just never know.  Sometimes I think half of my problems are caused purely by the stress of assuming something is wrong.  I do enough worrying to change my digestive system, and wouldn't be surprised if headaches and other things could come from that stress as well.  I'm just trying to find a balance between being aware and letting it take over.  I'm glad Jacob's stuff seems to be okay (long-term) this time, and we'll see what happens with mine, but this is why we try to live life to the fullest, right?  Speaking of which, Carter and I finally got out on another adventure this weekend.  More to come on that...

Heavy

I'm a bit stuck in another period of being "in the muck".  Everything feels hard and heavy and tiring.  Part of that is not feeling 100% for a month and a half now, but I also think this is just part of my brain's cycling that I've become more and more aware of.  I go through a period where everything is cool and exciting and I'm immensely grateful for every little thing, and then I seem to fall off the cliff a bit and go to the other end of the spectrum.  Add in normal ups and downs in life and I think you sort of just have to hope that the normal downs don't coincide with a brain cycle down, but I think that's sort of where I am.  For the record, my problems are not big, but I guess they just feel that way anyway.  I just saw a social media person I follow say much the same--that she's in a funk and it's all small stuff, so God forbid it was actually big stuff.  Most of the time I know I just need to wait it out, but here's some of what keeps nagging at me currently:

• Israel - The Palestinians (specifically their Hamas government) attacked Israel last weekend.  The human toll is terrible and I feel so awful for the normal people caught in the middle of this--on both sides.  Everyone is talking about Israel but I'm sure there are a number of Palestinians who have no personal need to exterminate the Israelis (assuming Israel's government would treat the Palestinian territory respectfully, which I don't think has always happened) and they are being affected by this as well.  It's horrifying to think that one day you have a normal life and the next it's in shambles.  I've had an underlying sadness for the last year-plus for the Ukrainians for that same reason because I can't even fathom how you function when your normal life is literally bombed out and suddenly you're a refugee, especially with kids.  It's also made a couple things at my work more complicated and it's just so depressing to realize that this could go on for a while.
  
• My Health - Ever since we got back from Florida, I feel like I've been fighting something off.  I eventually decided that maybe I'm just extra allergic to this time of year, so I started my nose spray again which seemed to work a little.  But I still felt like a couple times a day I was having a mild allergy attack, starting with a couple sneezes and then being congested for hours.  Once in a while it got to the point where I started feeling like I was coming down with something, either because it didn't go away or I felt headachy or tired, so then I took zinc and it would fade again for a couple days.  But it still seemed to be there lurking under the surface because I just wasn't ever 100%.  This weekend the cold finally seemed to break through a little.  I used my steroid rinse because I wondered if I was just stuck like I was last year, and today a little more congestion showed up.  It's still mostly on one side of my nose and only feels one step up from where I've been, so it's still a little weird.  I've also been extraordinarily tired lately.  Like, if I have something to keep me occupied, I'm fine, but the second I don't, I'm literally falling asleep in my chair.  Adrenaline or simply any activity is enough to keep me moving, but when that stops, I'm struggling.  For example, I could make it through Meliora Weekend where I had to stand for hours on end without being short on energy, but any old evening is a struggle to stay awake past 9pm.  I don't know if I'm still not adjusted to the earlier mornings or if it's a long COVID thing, or what.  I'm also just vaguely achy sometimes, like I'm sleeping awkwardly or like I worked out the day before but didn't.  It's mostly in my shoulders and my still-cranky elbows.  All of it is making it hard to work out in the evenings or motivate myself to go out into the world when I'd rather be relaxing (which is almost always).  I took off last Monday since the kids were off and ended up doing pretty much nothing all day--epically lazy, even by my standards.  The weather wasn't cooperative, I was tired, and all I could really muster was looking at my phone.  Any tentative plans wouldn't work because of the weather, which derailed the day, and any other replacement task felt overwhelming.  It was depressing and just made me feel worse.  I can't say today was much better.  I'm just in a physical funk with a mental one on top of it.  It's just been a long time to feel subpar without any real direction.  I'm hoping when this cold passes, maybe it'll take the funk with it.
• Others' Health - My cousin just had his second chemo infusion for colon cancer.  An old friend's daughter is approaching her one-year cancer-versary at the end of this month but isn't even halfway through treatment, which is still horrible on a daily basis.  My heart hurts so bad for both of them because I know I'd be a disaster going through something like that.  I know how my brain and anxiety operate, and I know that when I'm feeling even a bit off (or even worry about my loved ones feeling a bit off) everything just seems harder, so I can't even imagine something more serious--in fact, I have to stop myself from imagining because I will get completely overwhelmed.  
• Death - I lost an old friend to cancer this week.  I worked with him during my time in sports and his voice was one of my favorite PA voices ever.  He'd been battling cancer for years.  He was actually inducted into the Red Wings' Walk of Fame a month ago with another announcer friend of ours, and we had to miss it because we were coming back from Florida.  He went downhill fast and my heart breaks for his family, including four kids, a couple of whom are still pretty young.  I'm glad he's no longer in pain, but it's so sad. We went to the funeral home on Wednesday and waited in line an hour to talk to the family.  It's clear a lot of people will miss him.  It felt good to share my connection and a couple stories with the family, like how he swiftly avoided announcing an inappropriate fake name during our intermission frisbee toss!  He was such a steadying force out there on the ice despite the weird things that could happen during games, and I really enjoyed working with him.  Later that night I started searching YouTube to find video clips with his voice, and I'll admit I choked up a bit hearing it.  His voice was so distinctive and while I'll miss him as a person, my game production self is extra sad that his fantastic voice has been silenced.  I still loved hearing it at Red Wings games before the pandemic and his health took him away, and it hurt to know I won't hear him up there anymore.  It sounds silly, I know, but he was a master and I think seeing someone in their element like that is amazing.  It's also so much of how I knew him, so it's inherently tied into the loss of him as a person.  I also hadn't seen him in person in eons, so his voice was really most of what I had for the past 10+ years that kept those memories with him fresh.  He was also still relatively young and it's sobering to think of all the lost years and what his family might be facing now that he's gone.  It's definitely a lot to process, even from my spot on the very outside edge of his circle.
• The Weather - We went from 80s last week to cold, rainy, and windy over last weekend, and we seem solidly stuck in the 50s for the foreseeable future.  Sometimes it's nice fall weather...at least it would be for November.  Not so much in early October.  This weekend isn't doing us any favors either--Carter's last soccer game was a total frigid wet-fest--and next weekend currently looks just as bad.  It's just not looking promising to snag a day or two for fun fall activities while the leaves are still out.  And speaking of leaves, they're currently unimpressive.  I'm not seeing any of the bold reds, yellows, and oranges that we usually get.  Everything just looks sort of muted and brown.  I'm sure there are areas with nice color, but most of the roadside stuff I normally see is blah.  I know there are probably areas that do have better color, but with the weather being terrible, it's not like we can make a day of going to find them.  It's a little depressing since that's one of the things that usually gets me through fall.  I just want to get some pumpkins, see some leaves, and do a couple short road trips that involve some outdoor time, and the weather is just leaving me at a loss.

I'm doing my best to find the bright sides, and I will say that the funeral home experience Wednesday probably pulled me out of the worst of my funk because that was a clear example of big problems vs. small problems.  How bad can I feel for myself when I have my husband, kids, family, and (most of) our health, among other things?  I think even the process of remembering those memories with him and having that reminder of how everyone you meet can touch your life in some way is one of those things that makes me so grateful for the process of life.  Obviously the down times make it harder to focus on those little things, but I could probably take 90% of people who I've had genuine, significant interactions with and pinpoint something they brought to my life, something I learned, or some random memory I look back on fondly.  I often think that about random high school friends or my past co-workers.  Those relationships may just be via social media now, but most of them probably don't realize how much I value whatever they contributed to my life.  As Craig and I were in the midst of the funeral home outing, he suggested that we should try to get a suite for a game and bring out some of our old sports co-workers.  We rarely see so many of them (aside from the ones I now work with again, although one just left), and it would be fun to just hang out as a group and reminisce.  We have so many stories that we could go for hours!  Sports was a very up-and-down time--exhausting, fun, challenging, small pay checks, but completely unique.  I can't imagine my life without that experience--even if you ignore the fact it directly led to my entire present family and working life.

I think I'm finally having a bit of a travel hangover, too.  I just said a week or so ago here that I was feeling a sense of relief that I'm not traveling right now, and while that's still true, that one part of my brain that likes to ignore reality is feeling a bit bored right now.  I look and think back on my travels and all that I saw, and sort of wish I had that kind of excitement currently.  Part of it is probably that I'm just not in the mood to work right now, so any escape sounds enticing.  I was complaining about the cold Friday morning (I think we had a frost that I wasn't expecting) and Jacob's like, "Let's go to Disney!"  Geez.  I know I can't travel every time I'm feeling bored, but there is a part of me that's missing it, or maybe even the anticipation of it.  The other day I caught myself thinking about how webcams served as such an escape for me back when I first discovered them.  The idea that life was happening in another part of the world--whether it was another time of day there or somewhere that looked pretty similar to where I was--was somehow both comforting and fascinating.  I remember many a Saturday night alone in my dorm room engrossed in whatever cameras I could find--fascinated by seeing Asia in daylight, or sunrise in Sweden, or Montreal looking sparkly on a cold night, being entertained by cameras that were interactive, or just amazed by the sight of a live view of some landmark I'd only dreamed of seeing.  It gave me a lot of travel goals and oddly made me feel less isolated despite being very alone in that moment.  I can't say they give me quite that same feeling now, since I'm 25 years later in life and still haven't made it to most of those places, but I still appreciate the opportunity to look when I'm stuck in one spot for a bit.  

Tonight I sat transfixed watching my photo screensaver for probably 20 minutes.  It brings up random photos from the tens of thousands on my computer, and it was just one cool memory after another.  Little versions of my kids, places we've gone, sporting events, flowers and fun photos, pictures from my parents' photos or my younger years.  It's incredible all of the memories contained in those photos, and pre-digital (and especially pre-phones) there were so many more undocumented ones.  I'm grateful for all of them--the places I have been, the things I have done, the people I've known, and the life I've lived.  There may be a lot more out there that I'm itching to do, but man, that's so much already.  How sad can I be?

 

Back on the Farm

About a month ago I got a good deal on pre-sale tickets for our favorite local pumpkin patch, and then we promptly started getting nervous about whether or not we'd be able to use them.  Carter still had a few weeks left of Saturday soccer games and Jacob has had a lot of basketball into the early afternoons both weekend days.  Add in weather issues and we were nervous that if we could even find a good day to go, it would have to be a short day.  

Well...last Sunday Jacob ended up wrapping up a bit earlier than usual, so it seemed like it was possible, but we still had to squeeze in a post-workout shower and some lunch before we could go.  It also takes about a half hour to get to Stokoe Farms from our house, so I was a bit nervous we'd run out of time.  BUT it was also a picture perfect 70 degree day and the following weekend looked to be a total bust, so I guess if we were going to take the chance, this was the day to try!  

We probably didn't get there until around 1:45.  The good news, I guess, was that there was a big Bills game that day.  In a perfect world, sure, we would have been watching it, but the Bills could play on without us (and honestly, they usually do better when I'm not watching anyway) and it turned out that the farm was nearly empty (by their standards, anyway).  I don't recall Bills games drawing away that many people before--I feel like we've gone during games a lot and it's still been a madhouse--but then I realized we probably never went that late in the afternoon before so we probably also missed the majority of little kid families that needed to go home for lunch and/or naptime.  Between them and the Bills fans, I think everyone went in the morning and we just had a reasonable number of people to work around compared to what's normally there.  That meant that we wouldn't need as much time as usual because lines were shorter (or non-existent), and it seems like as the kids get older, there's less and less we need to do.

First stop was the big slide by the entrance.  Carter did the open slide first and then the twisty one, and while we were waiting, we confirmed that Jacob is officially taller than the ruler.

The sun was completely in his eyes, hence the odd face.

Since there was no line, we all decided to join Carter for the slide.  Nice view from up there!

Jumping pillows and pumpkins in the distance

Tree farm is off to the right.  Not much color yet, but it was a lovely day!

Back on the ground, Carter measured up, too.

Then it was time for a few photo ops...

I seriously just love the shiny pumpkin.  It's so pretty!  I just realized that I actually think the reflection reminds me of a Magritte painting--he sometimes did larger than life objects like apples or roses, and a lot of his paintings also featured very blue skies.  There were also images appearing on unexpected surfaces, so I think it totally fits.  That would explain my fascination, I think!

Alas, the hayride didn't happen to come around when we needed it, so we missed our annual hayride family selfie.  That was a bummer when I realized it later.  Instead we walked down to the perennial-favorite sports center, where everyone threw footballs and baseballs and shot basketballs.

We went to the pedal car track because Carter wanted to see if he was tall enough to easily do his own. They're not the easiest thing to operate sometimes so I think the extra couple inches was helpful to get the leverage he needed if he got a bad car.  He did well, but unfortunately the staff member policing the carts wasn't being very forceful to have people get off after a lap, so I missed the chance to race Carter.  At least he got his ride.  The boys played a little tetherball, and somehow Craig managed to hit himself in the face and pop the lens out of his glasses.  Luckily it was an easy fix on Tuesday, but that was not ideal.  At least Jacob didn't hurt himself this year like he did last year when the cold weather made everything worse.  Carter and I raced around the one big obstacle course nearby--he beat me because he was superhuman on the suspended planks and got to the last obstacle first, which only one person can do at a time.  Sorry I don't have pictures of any of that.  I guess I was having too much fun!

Next it was on to the shooting games.  We just ended up doing paintball this year, and I got to go first since everyone used up my shots last year!  I didn't do half bad!

We skipped apple shooting this time around and worked our way toward the zip line.  I found this lovely feather near the one bird enclosure.  I think it's a guinea fowl feather.  Of course, as I showed Carter he was like, "You know that probably has poop or bird bacteria on it, right?"  Cool, thanks kid.  Way to squash my moment.  Cue the sanitizer!

We did a round on the zip line.  Carter was really disappointed that he can't seem to win the family race, but weight and gravity definitely help on that one!  We tried to feed a goat nearby but apparently it had enough of the feed that day, so we fed a llama (or alpaca?) instead.  It felt so funny!

We did a couple slides on the refurbished Billy Goat Mountain.  Carter and I did the big tunnel slide once and then we just ended up doing one race.  The racing slide had a new surface, but it was hot and we kept getting shocks from the bolts between lanes!  The top looked cool and was easier to get up to, though.

I think we did a second zip line around that point but Carter once again didn't win.  We wandered around to let him climb this thing...

...and then we walked to see the kangaroos over by the barns.  On the way back, Jacob and I got hung up on this maze.  You have to start on the red on the upper left.  At each white square you need to change to a different color--first blue, then yellow, then back to red.  I am convinced that it's impossible.  We tried so many times and always ended up stuck in the same spot.  I don't think it's possible to come at the last yellow from the correct direction to get to the final red.  I took a picture so I could frustrate myself at home, too.  Ugh. 

While Jacob and I were doing that, Carter and Craig rode the zip line one more time.

Carter and I played around with this barnyard animal ring toss.  It's hard to see but there were two goats, a pig, and a giant cow (off to the left).  There were varying sizes of hula hoops and it was harder than it looked!

The big boys were off in search of slushies, so we did a quick run through the new Dinosaur Walk.

This one actually moved!

I don't think the hat was original to the exhibit, but it was funny!

Nothing like hopping on one with a saddle!

We checked out some other animals, too.  The pigs are always cute but nothing will compare to the year there were piglets.  More llamas (including a baby one), a cow, some interesting geese and ducks, and of course the emus, John and Deere.  They had a little window this year to pop their heads through.  They are intense as it is, so this was one of those moments where you definitely didn't want to get too close!  They look like they will peck your eyes out or snap at your nose, no question.

There was also a porcupine and some baby chicks.  This egg was new...and boy, am I happy to be the one that "hatched" this kid!

We vetoed Jacob doing the jumping pillow and I insisted we buy pumpkins elsewhere because Stokoe is so expensive and their pumpkins always have dead stems, which I've heard is a bad sign for keeping them through Halloween.  Carter and I got fudge samples in the store and I decided to just get cider donuts at Wegmans.  And with that, we were done.  I would have liked to stay the extra half hour for the day-end candy cannon, but Jacob's free time in particular is precious, so we headed out.  Craig needed gas on the way home so Carter and I got Slurpees (much cheaper than anything at the farm!).  Oh, and the Bills got a big win, so that made it an extra good day.

It's now been a week since then.  It was a relatively uneventful week.  The weather stayed nice right through Thursday, which was lovely.  Carter and I snuck in another playground after his Thursday soccer practice because he heard his old elementary school (like his current school) just got a new playground.  Sure enough, they did an entirely new one between the former pre-K playground and  the big kid playground that took out the wrists and arms of many a classmate.

The routes up to the slides are a little tight (probably on purpose), but I couldn't resist trying the back slide because it looked really fast, and it was!  It's a nice little setup.  We weren't the only ones enjoying the weather--some of my flowers have made nice comebacks after being rather sickly late in the summer.  

Not pictured is my dahlia, which just bloomed a single blossom for the first time since probably early August.  It likely won't be long-lived, but it's nice to see some blooms again.

Otherwise, I mostly felt like I was killing time all week until my working weekend for our reunion/family/homecoming weekend at work.  Friday weather was supposed to be iffy, but it ended up being mostly delightful.  It was the first full day of Meliora Weekend, so the good weather was appreciated.  I was stuck mostly inside from 9 to 4:30, and the unexpected sun and warmth turned the area where I was into a greenhouse, but it was a really fun day reconnecting with colleagues and seeing a bunch of happy people.  It also ended with this:

Saturday was a little tougher.  I did get to see Carter's soccer game, but they had a tough last-minute loss due to a crappy penalty kick call.  It was cold and blustery, but not rainy.  The sun took the edge off a little at the beginning and the end, but it was a shock to the system after the week we had.  After that, I worked from 1:30 to nearly 10pm.  Initially it wasn't bad--I had amazing food truck mac and cheese for lunch and hung out with my teammates for a bit.  But then I started an eternal registration shift that turned into lots of last-minute check-ins and registrations before a big show, and so many people who lost or neglected to bring their nametags which also serve as their ticket.  I lost a little faith in humanity with how irresponsible it made so many smart people seem.  It was also the end of a second full day spent mostly on my feet, so I was already a bit exhausted by the time I realized I couldn't find my keys.  Nooooo.  That marked the second time I lost them during Meliora Weekend.  The last time I lost them on my shuttle from the office to the campus and they got turned in.  I picked them up at the Public Safety office the next day.  This time I was mildly panicked but I also knew my bag was never tipped or out in public, and I didn't think I would have put them in a pocket, so I had a strong suspicion they might be in my car.  Or at least, I was really hoping that because the lost and found was closed and if, God forbid, they fell outside the car, I could be screwed with so many people around and being in such a public area.  I was actually worried that if they were in my car and visible, it was quite possible that someone would just break in and steal it (campus lots have lots of issues, so it wasn't far-fetched).  I called Craig to bring my spare keys and couldn't wait any longer to check if the car was there so I hightailed it to the lot in the dark and cold.  Luckily, it was still sitting there, and sure enough, there were my keys, right on the seat.  On my way there I did have a thought that I put them in the pocket of the jacket I took off and put in the trunk, but nope...I just must have had too much to organize before I got out of the car and put them on my lap, at which point I got up and they fell through my legs.  Luckily the boys came to my rescue and I was on the road pretty quickly.

Sunday involved super early church to get it in before the early Bills game from London, a quick catnap, Halloween decorations, and a pretty crappy game--lots of injuries, anemic offense, and ineffective defense.  It was extra rough since they looked unstoppable the last couple weeks.  I ran a bunch of errands for the rest of the afternoon out in the wind, rain, and cold, and I defaulted to leftover pizza for dinner because everything else involved thawing.  It's been a quiet evening, thankfully, because I haven't felt great most of the day.  I'm not sure if it's not enough sleep, not enough water, or just plain exhaustion.  I'm grateful I took Monday off since the kids are off school.  I didn't like the idea of leaving them alone or working from home after a short weekend with the added distraction, especially since I already missed a day off with Carter on Friday.  Craig spent the day with him and they went to the Lego Store, the Dick's batting cage, Tom Wahl's for lunch, and an abbreviated arcade trip because Jacob ended up having his basketball activities cut short.  

They built ghost hunters

I can't say we'll do anything Monday that resembles that, but maybe we can think up something--perhaps even getting our pumpkins if the weather cooperates.

Anyway, with the state of the weather this weekend, I'm extra glad we got our pumpkin patch visit in last weekend.  Fall wouldn't be the same without it, and we may only have a few full-family ones left before one kid or another decides they're over it, so it's always nice to secure that "one more year".  Now it's time to look toward Halloween, I guess!