Missed Milestones

Back in late December I accidentally let two pretty big milestones pass by without a mention.  My Christmas Eve post marked #2000 for this blog, and on December 27th, the blog officially turned 15!  I'm not quite sure how it's possible, but here we are a decade and a half in with over 2,000 rounds of documenting memories and deep philosophical thoughts.  This started on such a whim, simply wanting somewhere to share updates with out-of-town friends and family and remember the tiny details of pregnancy, and now I've been writing about life and parenthood for nearly a third of my life.  While I never had a planned stopping point, I could never have imagined at the time I'd be doing it all these years later.  These days it's mostly more for myself than others.  I'm so grateful for all of the details I've recorded here, how I can look back and remember lots of little moments or look up milestones whose timing I can't recall.  Parenthood is a massive blur and it's always interesting to read back and remember things I forgot.

I remember doing posts once in a while in the past where I looked at all of the posts from the same time period in previous years and recalled where we were each year previously.  I did that again before writing this post--all 15 years of mid-to-late January--and it blew my mind how many years I had to look through!  What was once a handful of recollections is now more than a dozen, and the variety and the similarities were equally fascinating.  A lot of it made me grateful for the relative lull we have going on right now.  It covered two rounds of baby prep and pregnancy side effects, two funerals (my uncles), two Bills playoff losses (right on time for a third a couple weeks ago), two rounds of first basketball games (one per kid), two surgeries (both Jacob's), one surgery prep (Carter), one round of pregnancy attempt issues (trying for #2), and LOTS of illness--strep, ear infections, colds, stomach bugs.  There were also good things, like two trips to Toronto, our family sledding day a couple years ago, spending time with Carter during my unemployment, and some really adorable pictures and videos of the boys as babies and toddlers.  It's so amazing how many of those posts bring back forgotten details and still-vivid memories, and how it seems nearly impossible that so much time has gone by since those things happened.  I have these two giant children now who bear a mere passing resemblance to those babies.  It's so hard to fathom that we're rapidly approaching the last phase of in-home parenting for one kid, and what started as the early very beginnings of our family's story has now documented so much of it, almost by accident.  

In many ways it's a relief to be past so many of those little kid challenges.  I know most older parents insist that big kid problems are worse than little kid problems, and yes, in retrospect fretting over sippy cups or naps or solid foods seems silly compared to big kid challenges and decisions that can have life-altering impacts.  It may be hard, but I still find myself quite relieved those days are over.  Maybe it's just because adding those complications to anything we deal with now seems like way too much to process, but those days felt so confusing and exhausting and endless, usually made worse by some sort of sleep deprivation.  I remember the desperation some of those posts were written with, and I don't miss that.  I miss those babies, but not the super dependent parts of their babyhood and the endless parade of questions and problems as we navigated early parenthood.  Big kid stuff is hard and complicated (and expensive!), but I still don't think I'd trade it for the little kid stuff again.  Been there, done that, appreciated the experience, and happy to have moved on to "different hard".

I will say that seeing all of those January illness posts is good perspective for now, especially as we navigate a period where someone is sick every other week--but I'll take the endless colds (despite the COVID scares) over stomach bugs, sleep-disrupting ear infections, and strep on repeat any day.  Those were hard days--getting a last minute doctor appointment, struggling through the Wegmans trip to get medication, and then heading back home for dinner and a long night with a sick and cranky kid.  Or the middle-of-the-night puke sessions followed by a work day on two hours of sleep.  Or the agony that was watching Carter's sleep apnea and tonsil surgery, or the uncertainty of Jacob's bone cyst and subsequent leg surgery.  I appreciate those experiences now for the ways they pushed me as a parent, but I am happy they were able to be left in our rear view mirror. 

I'm grateful for the perspective the bad stuff provides, even the painful-to-read posts that remind me just how hard things were.  It takes my breath away to read them sometimes, but it's good to have a reminder that things can and did get better, even if it's still not perfect.  I still get a little sad reading the posts that mention my hope that Jacob would be a good big brother, because that never really did happen and we've lost nearly 10 years of brotherly love that we'll never get back.  There are moments, but I worry my kids will never have the bond I've always wanted them to have because their foundation has always been shaky and competitive at best.  I had so much hope for them, and it's sad that it never worked out.  

But even more than the bad stuff are the memories I've preserved of the good things--the fun trips, cute memories, little captured moments we'd have never remembered otherwise.  Despite all the challenges, there have been enjoyable and rewarding moments, and I love that I can go back and relive them in some form with just a couple clicks.  It's so easy for all of those early phases to become a blur, even with photo evidence--sometimes you just lose the context and forget why that picture was important.  And the more memories you make, I suppose the easier it is for all of them to crowd each other out.  But all I have to do is pick a day and I can go back to a moment I haven't thought about in years.  It's actually a pretty incredible time machine I've made myself.  I had no idea that's what I'd be doing for future me, but if I could, I'd go back and hug myself for doing it.  My parents talk about how me scanning their photo albums was the best gift I could have ever given them, and I feel much the same way about the blog for myself.  The trove of digital photos I have is a huge treasure as well, but I love that this blog gives them context and stories that I might not have remembered otherwise.  Not that my kids would ever care, but if they did wonder about some memory, more than likely it would be here somewhere.  It's a pretty special thing to have.  

I think hitting 15 years just reminds me how fast this has all gone, because I still vaguely remember sitting down to write that first post.  I was a completely different person when this began--newly pregnant and nervous, but naive and oblivious to so much of what the future might hold. Had I known some of the things we'd deal with I'm not sure I'd have had the guts to go through with it.  I don't always like the person I am now--I'm sometimes too angry and jaded and exhausted, to the point of missing the humor or small joys in a situation.  But I'm also stronger and more compassionate and less judgmental.  Having tough kids made me realize that we can only do so much.  We can give it our all and still screw up, or we can be amazing parents and our kids will still make decisions that we can't control or understand.  It's a reminder that everyone has a story, and some are more complicated than others.  Maybe that person in Target really is a terrible parent, but most of the time I remind myself that they're probably not and the kid is probably just having a moment.  Or maybe the parent does suck, but is still doing their best and it's just not working.  This is the hardest gig there is and the least we can do is stop judging one another without knowing where we've all come from.  I don't know that I would have learned that lesson had I not been "that mom" in Target or in the parent-teacher conference over and over again.

So much of this current period of parenthood feels like I have worked so hard to get to this point.  The maturity I feel compared to that new mom I once was, the ease with which I feel like I can give at least some token parenting advice, the relief I feel with being through some of the hard stages...none of it came easily and it feels like a true, hard-fought victory to be at the stage I'm at.  I'm grateful to be past the endless baby gear, the full-on dependent stages, the constant worries of babyproofing, solid foods, food allergies, long crying spells, and thankless exhaustion.  I know I have mentally challenging stages coming, too, but I'm savoring this little plateau I'm at for the moment.  

The days are long but the years are short, as they say, and I've gotten through it all one blog post at a time.  Sometimes it was making memories, sometimes it was therapy.  It was the one place I could always go to talk myself through something, put the frustration into words, get things straight in my head, and get it out of my system so I could stop ruminating.  Sometimes it felt like all I could do to process the hard times and refocus.  I've probably saved myself a lot of years of therapy...although my very clear account of our troubles over the years is probably what convinced me we needed various rounds of therapy in the first place.  We probably still do from time to time, but we're hanging in there about a year after we stopped it.  Have I been too honest at times?  Maybe.  Jacob and I talked about some of what was here a few years ago when an old friend told me I was a terrible parent for being so public about our struggles on Facebook.  (Side note: She became an insta-parent of an almost-teen last year and I'd bet some of her thoughts have changed based on what she posts now!  Sometimes you just need solidarity with other teen parents, no?)  While I'm not sure Jacob fully grasped how in-depth it is, he seemed okay with the honesty and rawness I told him was here.  Maybe my kids will be mortified someday, maybe they'll hate me for things I said in hard moments, but I hope they see how much I loved them and how desperately I wanted to do the right thing.  Motherhood and this blog have both been labors of love in their own ways.  Maybe this blog did go down a path that was too honest and too public (even if almost no one reads it), but I got to various points where I didn't want to sugarcoat (like so much social media) and I wanted to be honest with myself, as well.  If I looked back on this and knew I was lying or covering up, that would feel awful and disingenuous, and render this blog nearly pointless.  So I let it all out, appreciated the emotional outlet, and documented both the struggles and the victories.  I wish there were more of the latter, but I still think we've done pretty darn good considering some of the cards we were dealt.  We're blessed in so many ways, but oh, it's been a white-knuckle ride much of the way.

Most days I still don't feel up to this job.  I was so nervous from the moment I got pregnant, and 15 years later, some days I'm more confused than ever.  But this blog has been a reminder that we make it through.  It makes me look for the joys and see the growth.  It reminds me how fast time goes and how far we've come.  We still have some tough stages ahead, and God willing, I'll blog through those too.  But 15 years and 2,000 posts is one heck of an accomplishment...and a gift to myself I will treasure forever.

News & Notes, Photo Catch-Up Edition

So...I just realized that I hadn't pulled photos from my phone to my computer since December 30.  Yikes.  Sorry that the blog hasn't been very visually stimulating for the entire month.  I guess it's time to make up for that.

A couple weeks ago Carter had his chorus concert.  He did have a concert last year with his whole class, but this time it was with the 4th and 5th grade chorus, which he's been going into school early for two days per week for most of the year.  They said to wear your "best" (and ideally no sneakers), and to be honest Carter doesn't have a lot of dress clothes since church is pretty casual--mostly because some weeks he goes to play in the indoor playground after Sunday school.  Fortunately, his big brother went through a dress-up phase around the same age and size so I just had to go digging in the bins!  Jacob had a random phase where he loved dressing up and even had a suit, and everything fit Carter perfectly, other than maybe the shoes that were half a size too big but wearable.  He looked so handsome!  He was skeptical but I think maybe even he had a moment where he was a little impressed with how spiffy he looked!

Early in the concert, the 5th grade orchestra and band had performances.  It was an interesting preview for what we'll see in May when Carter's beginning orchestra and their band equivalent have their first concert.  I'm a little nervous about that one since even these experienced kids had their squeaky, off-key moments, but it was cute and we even got to see the kid from across the street perform in the percussion section of the band.

It was great to see Carter up there and eager to perform since Jacob never liked stuff like this.  Carter was still pretty stoic, but I think he was very proud of all their hard work. 

They sang a cute song called "Gloves", where they all had different types of gloves on while they sang.  He recited the lyrics to me again the other day when we were talking about gloves for some reason.  Silly kid.

Here they are with their gloves on.  He's sort of hidden behind the girl with the dark blue top and next to the girl near center who's high above everyone else.

This was "Winter Song".  

You can see him here a little clearer next to the blue shirt girl again.

I was so proud of him!  He's had a few good weeks at school, too.  He got his second good behavior referral and great feedback from his teacher on how he did on a big group project about Native Americans and lacrosse.  He basically led his group and did a great job presenting.  There's an event coming up later next week where they get to have it on display to have the district come see.  He's really looking forward to it and it should be neat.  

We finally got some snow over the long weekend I detailed in my last post.  We'd only had about 10 inches total for the season up until that point, and we got a couple lovely looking inches that sat so beautifully on the trees for days.  It still wasn't deep, and it still didn't last super long after that, but it was nice to finally see something more than a dusting and cover up the brown, muddy ground for a bit.

Here's the picture of the churros we made over that long weekend.  They were really good--a little crisp outside and soft and almost raw-ish inside (but not really).  They got a little too moist leftover but they did crisp back up in the toaster oven.  I'd probably make smaller batches next time just to avoid sitting with the maker for an hour, but they were really good!  And yes, that's the wine that got me through the tedium. 
 

As I mentioned previously, Carter is now playing basketball as well.  He missed his first practice because he was sick, but he made two practices after that and now has had two games.  I was really impressed watching him at his first practice because his dribbling has gotten really good.  I think those driveway sessions with Jacob (the ones that end in Carter storming in the house in tears) have done some good because he's definitely one of the best dribblers on his team.

Upward basketball can be...interesting.  Jacob played a season when he was in fifth grade (if you recall, he was already a three-point machine at a time when kids could barely make twos, and even met his coach's challenge at practice by making three in a row), and Carter played in 2020 when his season got cut a little short due to the start of the pandemic.  That year was really disorganized basketball, and I had higher hopes for this year, but it's still pretty rough out there and makes you appreciate just how far kids can come in just a few years.  Inevitably every Upward team has a couple good players--like Jacob would have been--who just dribble around everyone, can steal the ball, and pick up a handful of points each game.  They also tend to be ball hogs because they don't trust half of the team to do anything with the ball if they pass it to them.  But unless those kids are good shooters, it's a lot of watching them storm down the court and miss.  Also inevitably, there's the kids that can't dribble, catch, or shoot.  There are still the kids that absentmindedly start walking while holding the ball, the kids that can't catch a pass at all, and the kids whose shots barely touch the rim.  One kid on Carter's team seems to have some sort of disability--he's small, awkward, flaps his hands a lot, can't seem to catch even the simplest pass, and is extra eager and excitable.  The team we played this weekend had a kid that I'm pretty sure had Down Syndrome.  He seemed pretty high functioning but there were a couple things about his appearance that made it seem likely there was something going on.  It's nice to know there's a place for those kids that may not be able to play anywhere else, but it's hard when the kids don't trust those kids to get the ball.  It's frustrating on both sides, I'm sure, but it's nice they get a chance to try.  It's such an encouraging league.  

Here's Carter coming out for his first introductions...

And in play...

He got four points in that first game, which was exciting because he only got two points in his entire first season.  Sadly, he still hasn't won a game.  I think they tied one that first year, but both of his games this year have been a loss--the second one by only two points.  He didn't get any points in that game.  Jacob is trying hard to help him understand what he needs to do better, but as usual it walks a fine line between good advice and unwanted criticism.  He's been very upset after both games, but we already know how much he hates losing.  We did manage a smile after the first game, though.

Game two was rougher because it was a close game and he had no points on three shots.  He spent half the game with defenders who were practically holding his arms down, but when there's a three-ring circus of fouls and travels and other violations at any given moment, it's hard to catch them all.  Hopefully his coaches don't take the postgame grumpiness personally.  It's something we continue to work on.  

Basketball for Jacob has continued to be a challenge.  He's had games where he got a three or two, and then barely touched the ball for the rest of the game.  They had a couple tough losses, one in OT, and a close win, and in most cases they only ended up the way they did because one or two players were being complete ball hogs and taking crappy shots on 4-on-1 drives instead of passing out to open players.  One player was 5-for-19 in the OT game and it was so frustrating to watch fruitless drive after fruitless drive and countless selfish plays as time ticked down.  Jacob got two threes in that game and then the coach sat him for most of the rest of the game.  And no, he only missed a couple shots and wasn't any more of a defensive liability than anyone else out there, so it wasn't really fair.  One kid on the team sat that entire game, then got to play the next game because someone was sick and ended up scoring 19 points!  It was impressive and clearly he channeled that anger well!  But it also ended up meaning that Jacob barely played and only got one shot.  And then that player took his starting spot the following game, which was super disappointing but not entirely surprising since we knew the coach was just waiting for an excuse.  After all, we're pretty sure he has been directed to start Jacob by the athletic director, but then he usually takes him out by the end of the first quarter and then sits him for at least a full quarter somewhere along the way.  Who plays their starter less than the sixth man in?  Apparently this guy.  But that other player came back down to earth pretty fast after the start and got subbed out after missing a few shots.  Once Jacob got back in the game he got three quick threes, which was awesome.  I was texting Craig who was in Halifax, and after the third one we simultaneously texted each other some form of "heck yeah" because it felt like such a victory to show the coach how effective he can be.  But his coach is pretty anti-three in general--he even praised them for only shooting 10 threes (shooting, not making) in the close win game, which should have been a much bigger win than it was.  It's so perplexing how this coach just doesn't see the value in threes.  Jacob's spring coach said today that they'll score at least 10 threes each game and Jacob will be shooting a lot.  It's just so weird--like, how do you not see the value of getting extra points?  I know that defense is important (and he's not shabby on D either, although his coach complains about everything) and that easy two-pointers are reliable, but you can get an awful lot of useful points from an accurate shooter like Jacob...and why wouldn't you want that?  Some teams you just won't be able to stop defensively, so you have to outshoot them, period.  We're down to the last handful of games before sectionals now--a couple will be really hard and a couple will be really easy, so we'll see if Jacob can earn that coach's trust before the end of the season.  Here are his two threes from the OT loss:

Onward to another week we go.  Just a couple more weeks until February break, and there's a lot coming up quicker than I'm prepared for--particularly Carter's birthday.  I'm having serious anxiety issues about Jacob's spring basketball season--I'm just overwhelmed by the travel, cost, and logistics, although I have figured out that two destinations have Chihuly exhibits I'd like to see.  The concerns are literally keeping me up at night (or keeping me from falling back to sleep in the hour before my alarm--ugh), but I guess we just need to figure it out.  My tennis elbow problems are doing a little better, although I've just been taking ibuprofen more and trying to keep the inflammation down.  The forearm muscle has felt less weak, but both joints have been nearly equally achy at times, which wasn't the case before.  I'm trying to figure out if I am getting some sort of autoimmune issue that flared up, or if it was how I held my phone or sat at my desk, and the stretching, workouts, and a little less phone time have helped.  Baby steps, I guess.  My once-neatened house once again looks like a hurricane hit it, the new toilet is still lovely, and February is now two days away.  The darkest 10 weeks of the winter are behind us, the school year is about half over, and Craig is almost halfway through his season.  Day by day, week by week, we're pushing through.  It's amazing how quick it can go when you're busy.  And right now we are definitely busy.

Do Moms Get a Day Off?

Last weekend I had a four-day weekend.  Monday was a holiday and both the kids were off, but then my entire team was given a bonus day off on Friday due to a job well done on year-end work.  Jacob was also off that day, so any visions I would have had of a blissful solo day were off the table before they started, but I was grateful for the extra long weekend regardless.  I had considered taking down Christmas decorations the prior weekend but when I realized I had a long weekend coming up (only three days at the time), I decided to wait.  De-Christmasing is a lot of work and I figured the bonus day of rest on Monday would be much needed.  

The good news was that because Carter had to go to school Friday, it meant I had to get up and out of bed early, which meant I was able to get a good start on the Christmas decor.  In fact, I got everything taken down and nearly everything put away by lunch time.  I had a couple straggler things to figure out, like the window clings and some of the winter decor that was staying up, but having that huge step done by midday was huge.  Well, then my parents called and said that they were coming for Jacob's game that night.  We had talked about it, but there was a heavy, wet snow that morning and a winter weather advisory in place for most of the day so we figured it would be too crappy to come.  As a result, I didn't really go too nuts with cleaning earlier in the week.  But then the snow was done sooner than expected and the roads were generally clear so they decided to come.  I took a break from redecorating at that point and started cleaning!  I dusted most of the now-empty surfaces, vacuumed the entire main floor and the upstairs hallway, did some touch-ups in the bathroom, and tried to neaten up the kitchen and any surfaces piled with stuff.  I had a very productive but rather tiring four hours, but I was happy with where the house was by the time they arrived.  It was nice to see things looking a bit more neat and uncluttered--both from the lack of Christmas decor and from cleaning--and I've been trying very hard to keep it neat since.  Losing battle, but I'm trying.

The fun thing was that my trees were still up when my parents came so my mom got to look at my ornaments, which was a nice bit of nostalgia for her, I think.  She loved my theme tree with all the handmade ornaments, and also enjoyed looking at the angels she's given me, as well as the ones from my grandma, her mother.  And it was fun showing my parents our ridiculous LED light options, too!  Carter and I had dinner with them before heading to the game, which was jam packed!  It wasn't the best game--the team's leading scorer was hurt and half of the team has decided to play "hero ball" lately so scoring has been hard to come by for some players, but especially Jacob and one of the seniors.  They're just not getting passes right now.  This was their big rival who they beat pretty comfortably last time, and yet this time they struggled.  Jacob did finally get a clutch three to bring them within one late in the game, but they just couldn't finish it.  It was really disappointing.  When we talked to the senior (who also happens to be a cousin to the leading scorer), he told us he felt bad for Jacob because he got there a year too late--last year the entire game plan was centered around three-point shooting.  He is discouraged quite like Jacob that they're just not getting passed to.  He was averaging in the teens earlier in the season, and now he and Jacob are lucky to each get four points in a game.  There's more to it than that (questionable coaching included), but it's been a bummer and pretty tough to watch knowing there's a lot of potential not being used right now when they need scoring.  Still, I think my parents enjoyed watching him play.

The rest of the weekend feels a bit like a blur.  All I know is I did an awful lot of stuff over those four days, and every time I thought I was going to get to hang out or do some sort of relaxing thing, I somehow ended up with another list of things to do.  Craig left around noon on Saturday for a Sunday road game, so it was me and the boys until very early Monday.  I did three loads of laundry at some point and I got my small tree down on Saturday.  I worked out twice, which was nice and quite rare as of late, although I am still battling what appears to be a case of tennis elbow in both elbows.  Both are sort of sore and stiff at times, though one is way worse than the other because my forearm feels like the muscle is going to tear every time I reach for something or lift something heavy, particularly above shoulder height.  I think the workouts help in the long run by strengthening muscles around it, but in the short term it's hard and tiring.  And doing stuff all over the house for a few days, including a lot of lifting, made it hard to rest it.  I did ask the chiropractor about it this week when Jacob went in for treatment, and he did a quick, effective, but very painful treatment on it that made a difference and at least confirmed it's probably just tennis elbow and not something more concerning.  Anyway...I had a trip to Wegmans Saturday evening and spent over an hour that night making churros with our Christmas gift of a churro maker (very good!).  I wanted to be more productive that day but it just didn't happen.  I think I was tired and my workout made it worse so I probably did veg on my phone and try to rest more than I would have liked for how productive I needed to be. 

Sunday we did church and suffered through the Bills game while I took down the big tree.  The beginning of the Bills playoff game was great, a 17-0 lead, and then the wheels fell off.  The game got tied, the Bills took a mere three-point lead into the half, but the second half was more of the mess and they ended up behind a team they were supposed to beat handily as the Dolphins were playing without their top two quarterbacks.  It was around that time that Jacob had to go to basketball training, which was a relief because I could avoid watching the game and just selectively listen on the radio in between switching to the game Craig was broadcasting at the same time!  On the way home, I decided to stop at Aldi because Jacob had been asking for an exercise bike because he feels his legs are getting too fatigued during games.  Knowing he can be fickle and picky, and knowing we had limited space, I wasn't really on board...but then I remembered that Aldi had their "Poorleton", as people call it--a $99 folding exercise bike that people really seem to like.  I figured it was probably my best bet to satisfy him with the least financial risk, and I recalled that the location near his school had a lot of them the previous week.  I needed to get their special buy gluten-free Texas Toast anyway, so it was worth a shot.  I walked around the store and finally found the bike.  Once again, I battled my arm to get it in the cart (or on it, rather) and probably looked like a freak finishing my shopping pushing that around.  It took a minute to wedge it in the car but it was fine...until I realized I needed to take it home first because Jacob wouldn't fit in the front seat, which was pushed up to allow the back seat to be folded down.  So I flew home, brought it in, and left right away again to pick Jacob up.  The Bills pulled out a three-point win as I drove (there's that Damar Hamlin "three" again!), and the Knighthawks wrapped up their win on the way back.  We enjoyed our Texas Toast with a new dinner attempt (Tuscan Chicken Pasta), and I finished up the tree that night.  I pushed hard to get the house back in order despite being extra tired by that point.  Once the tree was hauled and bagged, I moved two chairs back into place, vacuumed up, and got everything except the toy corners back to normal so I didn't have to worry about it Monday.  

Oh, and I forgot to mention that in the middle of all of this, our toilet started malfunctioning.  Last week we noticed that the toilet wasn't flushing as easily--like, you really had to hold down the handle to make it go.  Eventually I realized the flush bar was slowly breaking off, so I stopped at Lowe's when I went to Wegmans Saturday night and got a new one.  When I replaced it, the toilet still wasn't flushing right.  It was filling super slowly and just trickling out of the fill valve.  I had a spare fill valve, but when I went to turn off the shut-off valve to empty the tank, it wouldn't work!  At this point I figured I probably needed to call our plumber, but if I was going to do that, maybe it was time to replace the entire toilet.  It came with the house 13 years ago (and it looks like the toilet itself may have been around since 2003) and the finish under the rim had worn off, which left it permanently stained by minerals and whatever else.  It wasn't super obvious unless you were at the right angle but it annoyed me to no end.  Plus our snake to unclog it scratched the porcelain a bit around the drain hole, so it was just feeling like time if the plumber was coming anyway.  It turned out that what we needed was a little harder to find.  The old toilet and the sink we replaced a couple years ago are both "bone" in color, rather than standard white.  Turns out bone is getting pretty rare!  I did find one in stock a half hour away, so I bought it online and Craig and I took a little trip out there on Monday.  Last thing he wanted to do, I'm sure, after getting home from his roadtrip at 2:30am.  But it was actually only about five minutes away from Jacob's weightlifting trainer, and therefore pretty quick and painless (other than getting it in the house--again, my poor arm).  Once that was set, I got lucky and confirmed the plumber for Tuesday!  So, in the middle of all of that weekend stuff, we navigated avoiding the upstairs toilet, getting a new one, and coordinating the install.  Oddly, once the plumber got here, things were working right--the fill valve worked and the shut-off was OK, but it was good we did it because the shut-off was corroded, the wax ring was pretty beat, and something about how the toilet attaches to the floor wasn't secured quite right (like, from the time the house was built!), so all of that was good to get fixed even if I'm not sure why everything seemed to be malfunctioning on Saturday.  Whew.

The rest of Monday involved my second workout, assembling the exercise bike, taking Carter to basketball practice...and I have no idea what else.  It just seemed like whenever I wanted to sit down and play Super Mario with Carter or watch TV or whatever else, something else always came up.  I feel like I did dishes a bunch, made a lot of meals, cleaned up random spots in the house, and probably took one too many "quick" phone breaks, but there were so many things I never got back around to.  Bringing up the toy shelf and reorganizing the toys, fixing a hole in Carter's sneaker, refreshing my car CDs, documenting donations, washing bedding, cleaning the shower, and probably half a dozen other things I'm forgetting were all left undone.  Sigh.

Jacob and I recently had an argument about taking care of things around the house.  He gets mad because he can't find his stuff, and in some cases it's because it was taken from its spot for laundry or he left something where it clearly couldn't stay.  My response is always that if he is unsatisfied with things like that, then he needs to take care of his stuff--do his own laundry, put things away, don't leave things where they don't belong.  He says he's too busy to do it properly--and yes, I understand that school, homework, basketball, and a minimal amount of down time doesn't leave him a lot of spare time, but he doesn't seem to realize that it takes 30 seconds to put things in the laundry basket or garbage, or a minute to grab something on your way through a room and put it where it belongs.  If someone else does your laundry, make a commitment to running downstairs and grabbing the dry stuff the next day, or plan your wardrobe and pack your bag the night before so we can fix those issues when we're not pressed for time.  I explained that I don't have a lot of time in my day either to constantly take care of his stuff, and he said I would if I didn't spend time scrolling Facebook on my phone.  I, of course, said that I need downtime because I work all day, cook dinner, clean up, and know that the next time I stand up it might be an hour or two before I sit down and relax again.  He does the same when he plays video games or watches videos.  We're both busy and we both deserve downtime...fair enough.  But I still don't think that excuses him from taking care of his stuff or his garbage or getting mad when something isn't where he expects.  We're usually doing him a favor to help him out with things like laundry or helping to pack his bag when he's running late, and if he doesn't want that, he needs to take steps to make it unnecessary because we refuse to live among garbage, dirty clothes, and clutter.

I tell this story only because (as I admitted) sometimes my phone time probably gives the illusion I have all of this downtime.  But I realized that most of the time I only do the phone thing because I know I don't have a lot of time and usually I don't want to get into a more complicated project that I won't be able to finish.  My phone feels like something to fill time in between, something that I can stop when needed, an activity that uses minimal brain power and gives me a little mental break.  If I don't get interrupted, then yes, I do spend more time on it than I should.  As a result, I'm not as efficient and I don't get back around to the projects I should be doing instead.  That is an issue, for sure.  It's my version of why Carter rarely plays with toys--the phone is simple, it's there, it doesn't take setup time, and it's fun.  But when your brain immediately goes there for instant gratification instead of digging deeper to the things you should be doing that take more time and effort, it's a problem.  It is for him, and it is for me.  But then I feel like I do an endless stream of things for other people and the household, and I feel justified in taking a half hour to just veg out with my phone.  But then I wonder where my time went and why I can't get things done.  It's a horrible cycle.  If I don't take those chunks of time for me, then I might not have any self-care time...because usually I feel guilty if I do anything much more involved for myself.  It's why I rarely just sit and watch TV anymore, because I know I should be doing something more productive and committing an hour seems too long, so a "quick" phone break is better...right?  It's a mess.

But all this to say that I had four days off and still felt like I was as busy as I would have been had I been working.  Yes, I had some extra phone breaks and even a little time to rest and sleep in, so that's not really the case, but it is so hard as a mom to do the self-care thing, to take the time to do the stuff that's not productive, and to do it without guilt or letting other tasks pile up.  It's why an away vacation is always preferable to a staycation, because when you're home, there will always be things you should be doing--always something to be cleaned or cooked or organized.  It's why in college I always felt like I should be catching up on my reading for all of my classes and felt guilty if I added another TV break or nap--there was always something else that I should be doing.  That's why I loved summer and winter break when classes were over; it was the one time that wasn't the case.  And to this day, I will generally not "reward" myself with anything more than a phone break until I get all the pressing things done...and then as now, that list never ends.  So the phone break remains and other things remain undone.  UGH.

I don't mean to complain--this is the life I chose, though I don't think I realized just how relentless the to-do list might be.  You know you'll be at your kids' beckon call, you know you'll be sleep deprived, you know you will be busy, your life won't be your own, and your heart will walk outside your body.  But the depth of it all isn't clear until you're in the thick of it.  Some days it's almost too much.  The mental load is more than the physical load, and I don't know that I realized that either.  There's just not much of a break, mentally or physically.  And even though I appreciated four straight days with no work, it amazed me how much I had to fill my time at home--and even then there was a long list left undone.  It's a wonder how any of us make it through.  

The four-day week was a nice consolation prize for getting back in the groove, even if it felt like a typically long week.  I never did get any of those other things done, and today was equally unproductive between being abnormally tired (again) and going to Carter's first basketball game.  But now we're stuck in a long stretch before the next round of school breaks, so I need to push through on some of those tasks at some point.  Once again...maybe tomorrow?

News and Notes, Super Random Edition

I figured it's been a while since I did a bit of a "State of the Union" kind of post.  I guess it's good that we've had enough fun things happening that I've been able to post about cool stuff instead of complaining about life in general.  But I like to keep it real around here.  It's not all sunshine and roses around here, but it's not terrible either.  We're sort of in a little so-so bubble and I guess that's okay.  It could always be worse.

The boys are still challenging.  The week and a half of them being home together was a bit of a mixed bag.  Sometimes they'd find a way to play video games together, but Carter still has a really hard time with losing and Jacob honestly isn't a whole lot better at times.  I found out not long ago that there's an element of ADHD called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.  It basically means that some ADHD people process rejection or criticism differently and it causes a severe emotional response beyond what normal people would generally do.  I think both of my kids have it in different ways.  For Jacob, I think it explains why we've spent so many car rides home from tournaments playing psychologist and therapist, trying to talk him down from feeling inadequate or trying work through seemingly unjust treatment by a coach or teammate.  A few weeks ago when Jacob had a rough game, it took a couple days for him to stop talking about quitting or switching schools (again).  But it was just one iffy game with a somewhat negative response from his coach, and I think he took longer than most people to be okay with it and move on.  Until that point it was a full-on obsession.  For Carter, his comes out primarily in losing games or getting criticism at school.  The school thing was made very clear during the pandemic when he'd get angry every time we or his teacher would try to help him through something he wasn't understanding.  At home he's always been a sore loser, and lately it's been worst with video games (specifically FIFA soccer), to the point he throws his controller nearly every time.  It's been exhausting when either kid gets upset about the video game stuff, because as a parent I am wired to react when my kids are in distress, and there's constant overreaction from them that causes a reaction in me.  Same thing goes for when they battle physically and I hear pain or struggle noises.  So for those couple weeks around Christmas, there was a lot of that stuff and it made me (and Craig) rather crazy.  I still maintain they're just not compatible--Jacob is not patient with Carter and delights in pointing out his shortcomings, and Carter endlessly annoys Jacob with the things he says and does since it doesn't usually jive with Jacob's super-literal, super-serious point of view.   

Meanwhile I'm over here just trying to get them to stay away from each other, speak nicely to each other, and be responsible for themselves and their stuff.  I know they have ADHD and their executive function stinks, but is it too much to ask to have them clean up their stuff with some regularity?  The clutter and garbage and toys and constant array of crumbs and kitchen spills has my anxiety on edge most of the time.  I'm tired of cleaning up after everyone and living among clutter and scattered toys.  Jacob leaves clothes everywhere even though his laundry basket is literally a couple steps away.  Carter leaves random toys and other items in the oddest spots.  But I also don't have the energy to fanatically clean up after them.  It's pretty exhausting and I probably need a cleaning lady to do a major sweep, because something about the pandemic has exhausted something in me that has a hard time going above and beyond to deep clean anything.  Maybe it's just the constant, thankless Sisyphean task that's been on repeat for nearly three years.  We had a lot of time in the house and therefore more opportunity to make it messy, and our perception of time got a bit warped during that time and we never had people over, so I think I got out of whatever cleaning routines I had as a means of simplifying my mental burdens at the time.  But it's been so hard to get back into any sort of groove and I'm beginning to wonder if it's a tiny hint of a depressive tendency that I just can't handle that one more thing.  Ugh.  I just try to hit up one task at a time but probably not in quick enough succession to have everything semi-clean at the same time.

In other ways winter break was a nice mental break and a time to catch up on sleep, but the re-entry to life has been interesting.  Sometimes it felt like I had been a little refreshed, and other times I wondered how to get out of bed and function.  Luckily it was a quiet work week to catch up on projects before the rush of Q2 reporting and a boatload of January tasks.  Being home two of those days felt like a godsend to catch up on things that were hard to do with all of us in the house all the time, like my laundry (Jacob's seems to hog the drying rack constantly) and washing all of the throw rugs.  We eased back in with one basketball game, one where Jacob got only five points but played well and scored on a really nice drive.  They beat the other team handily, which probably kept him from getting too much opportunity to shoot out the lights and drive up the score.  He did have a three rim out, too.  Big games this week--his former school and game #2 against their big rival.  

Carter also starts basketball this week...or he would be starting had he not picked up a cold at some point over the last few days.  He has a couple practices before his first game in a couple weeks.  This is the same Upward league Jacob played in in 5th grade and that Carter was playing in when the pandemic shut everything down.  We'll see how it goes.  Carter has honed his skills a bit in the last few years, but I'm guessing some kids have done even more, so I'm guessing he'll be among the better middle-ground kids--not the best kid but far from the worst, since there are always a few that can barely dribble or shoot.  So we'll see.  He has been really focusing on wanting to be a soccer guy lately, but I hope he enjoys this in the meantime.  Sports is not an all-consuming passion for him like it was for Jacob so I just want it to keep him moving and have it be fun and rewarding.  But that will be our Saturday afternoons for the next couple months.

After that, our weekend lives immediately get CRAZY.  The weekend after Carter wraps up, there's a possibility I could go to Las Vegas with Craig for a Knighthawks game.  I've been wanting to get back to Vegas (mostly to see all the new stuff (and the Chihulys) since we were last there in 2004), and this seemed like a good opportunity to get away without the kids for a couple days.  But the flights are absurd--both in price and travel time--so I'm not sure that's a wise move.  I don't know when it got so hard or expensive to travel to Vegas.  Our flights and hotel combined for like five days were less than just the flight now, and the flight times are awful.  It's bizarre and frustrating.  

Not to mention that for the weeks that follow I will be going on an insane series of basketball trips with Jacob.  We got his schedule for his new team--same organization as the fall, but on a New Balance circuit team--and he'll be traveling all over the place.  We're going to places like Springfield, MO; Oklahoma City; Pittsburgh; Wichita; St. Louis; Albany; Boston; Houston; Spooky Nook, PA; and Lincoln, NE.  I have NO idea how we're pulling this off.  It's possible some trips we will just put him on a plane with his team, but obviously that's not ideal and I don't know how it would work for hotel rooms and a minor traveling without parents.  But the stress of the travel is a lot, to the point I keep waking up early in the morning and start obsessing over it and can't fall back to sleep.  I've never done 12 hour drives but I guess I'm inspired to try given how expensive and stupid flights are right now.  I'm mostly just sad that the one I was really excited to do happens to be Easter weekend.  Oklahoma City seems like a weird place to want to go, but there's a massive Chihuly exhibit there (largest outside of Washington, I believe) and this seems to be my chance to see it, even if I just sneak away for an hour or two.  I also wouldn't mind checking out the Federal Building bombing memorial.  I have to do the trip since Craig has a game that weekend, but it will mean being away on Easter.  If it didn't suck enough missing Christmas night, now I will miss prunes and noodles with the family on Good Friday, not to mention church on Good Friday and Easter, which are among my favorites.  I'm a little crushed about that, and I don't even know if the Chihuly thing is going to be feasible to make up for it.  I don't feel quite ready for all of this but I know this is basically what Jacob needs to be supported and move forward in his aspirations.  Stay tuned for a lot of awkward travel blogs, I guess.

This week promises to be a busy one.  Tonight was supposed to be Carter's first practice but he ended up skipping it due to his cold.  We almost went so he could meet his coach and team and at least watch practice, but he seemed to think watching would be more awkward than catching up next week after everyone else already has a practice under their belts.  Oh, well...we tried.  Jacob has a game against his old school Tuesday, Carter's first chorus concert is on Thursday, and Jacob's other game against their big rival is on Friday.  Something tells me Wednesday will either be a night of rest or a night where all the things have to get done.  I have a belated work holiday gathering on Thursday afternoon, which will likely bring back memories of all the times Jacob's daycare Christmas program fell on the same day as my work Christmas party and I came to daycare smelling like wine, even if I had long ago sobered up.  Mom of the Year, right here.  

Speaking of Carter's musical exploits, he's still plugging away at the viola.  He finally just got to start using the bow, so hopefully that keeps him content for a bit.  Plucking was getting really old and he was getting frustrated, so I'm glad he may start enjoying things a bit more now that he actually learns how to do more than just pluck.  I suppose I should be bracing myself for those loud and painful practice sessions, but we're not quite there yet that I can tell.  The concert later this spring should be a doozy, though, with only a few months of actual playing under their belts.  In the meantime he really seems to be enjoying chorus.

I probably should have taken down my Christmas stuff this past weekend but it oddly seemed a little soon despite being after Epiphany.  I usually aim for around the 10th, but that falls smack in the middle of the week this year so it was either early or late.  I actually feel a little awkward still having Christmas stuff up and lit--not for myself but more because the neighborhood lights are mostly gone and trees have disappeared rapidly this week.  But I like my decorations and I'm not feeling the urgent urge to simplify and organize this year that usually prompts me to get it done.  I figured next weekend might be a little easier since it's a long weekend anyway and I'll have an extra day to finish or recover since the takedown is exhausting and takes most of the weekend--but without the bliss you feel as a reward when you spend so much time putting everything up and finally sit down admire your hard work.  Sometimes I feel a nice minimalist joy when the Christmas stuff comes down and the blue and silver winter stuff takes its place, but sometimes it feels a little extra empty.  We haven't even had snow to make winter feel all pretty, so I'm feeling a little blah about a gray and brown January.  Even if sports will make it go quickly (and before we know it, mid-February will be here with Carter's birthday and the end of the high school season), I generally hate this time of year...almost as much as that period of March and early April where you're desperate for sun and warmth and green and the weather just sits in the 30s and 40s with a constant gray and brown backdrop.  I don't really want to drive in snow, but I'd like some to play in with Carter and it would be nice to have something pretty outside instead of this muddy crud right now.  I did realize yesterday that we could use our little-used red, white, and blue Christmas tree lights for the Bills game, so now I'm thinking maybe I'll take down the ornaments and leave the tree up through next Sunday's playoff game.  If they win it might need to stick around a bit longer, but at least it will be well-positioned to come down during the game if the luck seems off!

Speaking of the Bills, it's been a very emotional week around Western New York and the whole country.  Last Monday night, just as I was writing my last post, Damar Hamlin from the Bills collapsed early in their Monday Night Football game.  It turned out that he had cardiac arrest and needed to be resuscitated on the field, both via CPR and an AED device.  It was shocking and scary.  It appears to be from the impact he took from a block but they're still running tests.  Obviously everyone was traumatized, particularly the players on the field, and the game was called.  Due to the time of the season, the NFL later canceled it.  It eventually meant that the Bills mostly lost their chance to be the #1 seed in the AFC (the lost game meant their winning percentage couldn't match the Chiefs once they won their 14th game), and our opponent Cincinnati was in a similar boat, but it would have been almost impossible to ask those players to play again.  Fortunately, Damar Hamlin has made a steady, miraculous recovery.  His first question once he woke up was whether the Bills won the game!  He's still in the hospital and will have a lot of recovering to do, but the fact he's alive, breathing, and has full neurological function despite being down so long is amazing and a testament to the Bills' training staff and the first responders.  The most amazing part is that prayer became a very public, completely normalized practice from the moment it happened and through the week that followed. On the field that night, to a commentator on ESPN, to fans everywhere...everyone was praying for him.  And ever since, there's been a strange series of things happening with his #3.  In the Sabres' first game after the incident (remember the Sabres and Bills have the same owner), one of the Sabres players, Tage Thompson, scored three goals--the third of which was an overtime winner at exactly the three minute mark of overtime, which was 3-on-3.  It was his third hat trick of the season and marked his 30th goal of the season.  Like...what?!  Then, in last night's Bills game, the first play of the game ended up being a touchdown on a kickoff return.  You couldn't have written that story line better...except that the Bills' last one of those was three years and three months ago!  The same guy got another TD on a punt return later in the game, too, which is super rare.  The Bills had three touchdowns, had three interceptions, and even gave up three turnovers.  The numbers are just wacky and you can't make it up.  It was very clear throughout the game that everyone's hearts and minds were with Damar, and even Josh Allen admitted in his post-game interview that the first play felt very spiritual and it demonstrated to him that God is real because you couldn't script it any better than that.  It was such an amazing thing--he was clearly so touched.  I don't personally like to think that God brings tragedy on someone He hand-picked just to make a point or teach a lesson (I mean, I guess he did it plenty back in the Bible, but hard to say if He works that way now), but I do think He can use situations and people once those things have happened.  So many lives have been touched and so many of the crazy signs have been out there that there's all a higher power in the midst of this.  It's been pretty nuts.  So now, on to the playoffs and we'll see how far emotion can take them.

I guess that's the bulk of things here.  My life is busy, boys, and basketball.  Could be a heck of a lot worse...

Finishing (and Starting) on a High Note

A few weeks ago, as I was sitting at Jacob's game in Cleveland, Heather sent me a picture of my finished cup from our ceramics painting session when I visited her in November.  We knew we had to find an excuse to get together so I could get it off her hands, and I mentioned that we could possibly meet up in Syracuse over Christmas break.  It's just over an hour for them and about an hour and a half for us, but it seemed doable.  I knew the Syracuse zoo had just had elephant twins born a few months ago, and I thought it would be fun to see them.  But of course, it was December and we'd need just the right kind of day to spend all that time outside, which seemed unlikely.  Fast-forward to the day after Christmas and I realized the forecast looked rather warm for that Friday--around 60 degrees!  That happened to be one of my scheduled days off, and if that forecast held, it might be pretty darn perfect!  Sure enough, it did...and it was!

Carter and I made a fun day of it.  We picked up some treats from Tim Hortons, including a breakfast wrap and peppermint hot cocoa for him and an iced coffee for me.  He was so excited and was already thanking me after that!  As we got to the zoo, we could tell it was already super busy.  The main parking lot was already full, sending us up to the top tier, and there were people everywhere.  But of course--because how often do you get a 60-degree day in December, in the middle of Christmas break?  Mind you, the poor Buffalo Zoo was closed the entire week (until January 1) due to the damage and snow from the Christmas blizzard.  Such a bummer for them.  We met up with Heather, Mason, and Heather's mom, who came along to assist on the car ride, and headed in!  Our first stop was the elephants since the babies were only out at certain times.  On the way we saw these tiny deer, probably only about as big as a lap dog...

We also saw the head of the Andean bear poking up from its hammock, and some sort of large deer.  Oddly, one of the large deer had a broken antler, and the last time we were at this zoo (ironically when Carter was around Mason's age), we saw something very similar.  I don't think it's the same one since I would assume they lose these antlers annually, but it was funny to see almost the same thing!

The main attraction was clearly the elephants!  I think almost everyone in the zoo was in that area watching them during one of their scheduled outside appearances!  The babies were SO cute.  I mean, seriously adorable.  They were so tiny compared to the adults and so playful.  I love the furry tuft on their heads, and their tiny little trunks!

The one looked like it was trying to boost the other one up on the rock!

The size difference was amazing...they're only two months old, but clearly have a lot of growing to do! 

I mean, seriously, how cute is this?

Unfortunately, on our way up to the elephants, Heather's mom's knee started to give out, so she ended up sitting the main building most of the time we were there.  That was a bummer.  We moved on to some other animals, including a blue crane that was quite vocal.

The penguins were just as awesome as I remembered from our last trip.  They were really active swimming...

Once again, just like last time, there was one penguin who was super curious about all of the people at the glass.  This one stood there for the longest time, following people's snacks and their hands with its head.  It was so funny.  I think it was a different one based on the coloring, but I guess it goes to show, there's always one in a crowd!

There were a bunch of penguins inside as well.  This one just hung out on the ramp.

We made our way around the exhibits and saw some fun horns...first the Sichuan Takin...

...and then the Turkmenian Markhor.

Thank goodness I thought to bring my real camera, because my phone zoom is never quite enough for zoo animals.  It took most of the elephant pics above, plus both of these.  

When we came around to this tiger, we had to take a picture because we had a fun picture of me holding Carter on it Jacob pulling the tail (because of course...).  Carter took the nice picture...

...but then posed for a couple silly ones himself.  I'm not sure if he's supposed to be scared or taking the tiger on, but it cracked me up!

We did get to see the real thing, too.

After that, we stopped for lunch and met back up with Heather's mom.  We had a nice lunch in the cafe there, just getting a chance to catch up as a group.  Heather's mom is such a sweet lady--she put up with our silliness and Hot Looks doll fashion shows when we were kids and is such a sweet, supportive grammy now!  It's always nice to see her and chat.  Carter wasn't quite sure what to make of the two-year-old grabbing at his food when we sat down (don't worry, no food was harmed!), but otherwise it was fun!

Then it was onward to more animals!  We saw meerkats and this cool bird...

...and then a bunch of fun monkeys!  These Siamang Apes were something else!  Their arms are so long.  I realized later they reminded me of the "Barrel of Monkeys" monkeys with those big, curved arms.  

The swinging was impressive...

...but even more so was this possible high five!  They just look so silly with those arms flapping around.

These little golden lion tamarins were really into the ceiling.  It made me miss our zoo's tamarins, especially back when they had a baby!

The Patas Monkeys were pretty active as well.  This one liked his perch looking out over the area.

This one was running around getting his own good views closer to the front of the exhibit.

This porcupine was huge.  He liked his little perch up in the tree.

The komodo dragon (as always) was impressive and had interesting coloring on its head and back.

I should have taken more pictures of Mason!  He was definitely on the run once he was out of his stroller so I probably wouldn't have gotten a clear picture then anyway!  We tried to get him to look at the animals but I think freedom was even better most of the time.  But when he saw a chair his size, I think that was exciting enough and he actually sat contentedly for a few minutes!  Still, I regret we didn't get a group picture or something!
 

We saw some mole rats, but who knew not all mole rats are naked mole rats?  These ones actually had fur and looked more like guinea pigs or larger hamsters.  But as you can see from the sleepy group below, the crazy teeth remain!

I remembered from looking at my post from our last visit that this zoo was the site of the most active sloth I have ever seen.  Because of the nocturnal lighting, I think it tricked them into being active during the day.  Unfortunately, this time they were not climbing around like that.  The ball of fur closest to the front did peek up once or twice, but I missed it.  It actually looks way brighter than it did in person.  It was pretty dark in there!

We also saw a kiwi and a couple little desert foxes with giant ears, but lighting wasn't ideal for those either.  Next it was on to the otters, which were pretty active and cute.  One actually pooped as we watched, which was interesting, but they were having fun swimming and one almost knocked the other in. 

Carter was a bit jealous of their fun water slide setup and wondered why they didn't use it.  He was also intrigued by their "ice sculpture" underneath, which had melted into a cool, oddly propped ice spike.

Into the aviary we went after that, and there was a gorgeous, very large pigeon.

And this bird was just showing off.  First it posed on the log for me...

...and then it turned around and showed off its fancy feathers.  The colors were amazing!

They also have a small aquarium section with some fish, jellyfish, and an octopus.  This was a cool starfish type creature.

They also had some poison dart frogs and this crazy lizard with the very long tail!

On the way back out, I caught this picture of the octopus.  It's about the same as I got last time.  I guess he doesn't go out for a swim much!

With that, we were done, and probably just in time for Mason to grab a nap!  We stopped in the store, where he got little elephant mama and baby figures, and Carter got a $2 rubber snake that fits on your finger.  I'm not much into souvenirs, but he was a trooper considering it wasn't just a Carter-mom outing this time and he's not really used to little kids.  But he did a good job and a $2 souvenir was certainly doable.  We walked out to the parking lot and exchanged items--I got my painted cup, and I gave Heather a bag with some books I cleared off Carter's shelf (mostly board books that we didn't have a super nostalgic connection to--and when I pulled those off I packed away most of the rest of the board books, too! :sniff::) and one of the portable spork and straw sets I had from my work giveaway for her to keep handy for Mason, since it worked well for him when we were at the Chinese buffet!

With that, we said goodbye, and Mason was so cute saying goodbye to me and especially Carter.  He has learned how to properly say my name now, and hearing him say Carter's was super cute!  He was apparently out very quickly once they were on the road!  

As for Carter and me, we still had a mission!  All of the Targets in Rochester were out of our favorite cereal, Chocolate Mini Wheats, but one nearby in Syracuse had some in stock, so that was our next stop.  As we made our way there, we passed by a school with what looked like a pretty good playground.  It was an easy turn in, and on a 60+ degree day, why not?  I didn't even wear my jacket!

They had an interesting spinning thing, and while it was a little hard to do yourself, I did manage to make Carter turn all the way around, with him holding on for dear life at the peak of the turn!

They had this interesting see-saw, and with a little well-timed jumping and bouncing, we did manage to make ourselves go up and down a few times despite our weight difference. 

It was funny working around the snow despite the extra warm day!  The extra wet ground made slide climbing extra hard due to wet shoes, and the giant puddle under the fireman pole meant no pole climbing either.  But we managed and had a really nice 20-or-so-minute stop.

I love this kid so much!

After our stop, we continued on to Target, got our cereal and a few other things.  We also stopped for some caffeine on the way home in the form of Taco Bell Freezes, which we ended up getting for free!  We waited in a long line and by the time we got to the front, the guy at the window offered a game of rock-paper-scissors to get them for free.  I asked him if he was sure, and he said his head hurt...but sure enough, I won and he sent us on our way!  I worked at Taco Bell 25+ years ago, so I guess I get it...but I was too much of a rule follower!

After that we just had to get gas, which was a bit of a debacle since the closest gas station was a Delta Sonic car wash that was crazy busy on a warm winter day.  But we got it done and finally got on the road to make it home by dinner time.  We felt like we had a pretty awesome day overall, and I think Carter really enjoyed us getting back to one of our adventures together.  He just seems to feel really loved in those situations, especially since this one was full of treats and even a souvenir.  It was such a fun day and even better was that we were heading to Buffalo the next day to have our Christmas--so the fun was just beginning!

Unfortunately I didn't take many pictures of our Christmas, but we had a very nice weekend.  We got to Craig's family around mid-afternoon on Saturday.  The snow piles were still giant, but there was also bare grass.  The restaurant on the lake that made national news for being completely ice covered was mostly thawed but had some interesting ice structures along its back.  But what we did notice was that everything was SO foggy.  The warmer weather and the melting snow once again made visibility very low for portions of the trip.  We spent the rest of the day with Craig's family, exchanged gifts, enjoyed pizza and wings, and watched a Columbo marathon.  The boys got a bunch of clothes and Carter got a cool Beyblades stadium.  I got a sweater, wine, and a blanket.  Craig got a cool Braves retro jersey.  We were planning on doing midnight there, but since our niece and three of four nephews weren't around to have some sort of full family celebration, not to mention the boys were a little bored/tired, we decided it made sense to take off around 11 to make it to my parents' ahead of midnight to save ourselves an extra late night.  We got there with about 10 minutes to spare, enjoyed the ball drop (well, Craig was in the bathroom), and then headed to bed.  

We had a lazy morning and eventually roused ourselves around the time my mom got home from church.  We opened gifts just before lunch.  Once again the boys got a lot of clothes and Carter got his much-wanted Roboear spy robot.  I got a couple household things, a fun garage sale find of a piece of blown glass, my yearly angel ornament, my Chihuly wall calendar, and of all things, a churro maker (I think she got it cheap, but it feels appropriate after our Disney trip)!  So now I'll be figuring out if the gluten-free flour works for that!  Craig got a book he wanted and a power bank for his phone.  Our ham dinner (for lunch) was so good after the extra week's wait--the best ham, cheesy potatoes, crescent rolls, corn, salad, and this amazing raspberry jello thing my mom always does.  Everything was really good.  We hung out for the rest of the afternoon and just talked while the men rested.  We hit up Super Walmart on the way out of town for some food items and one roll of clearance wrapping paper, grabbed Mighty Taco on the way out of town, and headed home.  It was so nice to get some family time after having Christmas not work out like we'd expected, but admittedly it didn't really have the oomph that a normal Christmas has.  We're still just missing that full-blast, all-encompassing two days of family time.  I really do think there's something magical about getting away from the home chores and usual stresses and just immersing ourselves in family time and gift exchanges for two straight days.  There is nothing like it and it's really been missing for the last three years.  Not that our slower pace has been terrible, but it's just not the same.  Nothing fills your heart more than a million little reminders of how blessed you are to have so much love and family surrounding you, and while we had a solid dose of it over Christmas and again over the weekend, the full dose is so much more amazing.  I can't express enough how much I wish for it to return next year.

Thankfully we had one more day to unpack and recuperate after the weekend before it was back to reality.  I tried to take care of some projects, like putting away wrapping paper and bags and organizing a couple things, but I was only modestly successful.  Baby steps, I guess.  Now we launch into January--back to the high school basketball season, and as of next week, Carter's basketball season gets up and running, too.  Before we know it, those seasons will be over and we'll be getting into Jacob's travel season, which is going to be...a lot.  I'll get into that in another post.  Suffice it to say I need to try to enjoy the relative quiet we'll have for the next couple months because our spring will be crazy.  Good crazy, I hope, but...yeah...crazy.  Onward we go into 2023...