Adios, Autumn Lane...Hello, Summer.

Carter is officially done with school.  He has completed second grade and has said goodbye to the school he attended for the last three years...at least until he goes there for the afterschool program next fall!

Second grade has been a challenge.  Part of that was COVID, part of that was Carter.  COVID did not make anything easy.  We only had two in-person days each week for more than seven months, so I know that a ton of real learning was lost in that time.  We did what we could with what was assigned, of course, but nothing compares to a real teacher.  That's why we pay them to do what they do.  Carter's teacher told us yesterday that we were one of a handful of families that gave remote learning our full effort, getting basically everything done.  Knowing what an effort it was here, with two at-home parents in a generally functional home, I am completely terrified for the rest of his classmates who didn't have that kind of support.  This had to be a mostly lost year for them.  We probably did the equivalent of treading water, at least, and I know he grew as a student, but I know there were things that would have been addressed better had he been in person.  His handwriting, for example, is a disaster.  He still writes like a Kindergartner, with giant letters that don't fit in the lines, odd spacing, and lacking proper punctuation.  And to add insult to injury, they had him trying to learn cursive this year!  We have a handwriting book to finish off, but I'm going to try to work with him this summer to get his printing to where it should be.  I just think that the biggest problems with the biggest problem kids were prioritized this year, and the middle-range problems like Carter has fell through the cracks a bit.  Two days a week of his behavior was probably a lot more tolerable than five, so it probably took a lot longer for his teacher to hit any sort of breaking point than it would have otherwise.

Carter is a good kid who is hidden behind a busy mind, a fidgety body, and an emotional wall he's built up for unknown reasons.  He's self-conscious around others and bristles at correction or offers for help.  Being away from the positive peer pressure of a classroom only made that stuff worse.  It's unfortunate that medication didn't become a reality sooner because it did seem to help, but we don't have a really good handle on just how much or in what areas it falls short.  That will be our learning curve come September.

I'm sad he didn't get the full Autumn Lane experience that his brother loved so much.  Jacob was so confused about why Carter wasn't sadder to be leaving the school, but I had to explain that he missed nearly a year of in-person time (when you all up all the remote days it's only about 30 days short of a full year) and he just has a different personality.  Jacob had two of three teachers that helped him thrive despite his challenges.  Carter had three good ones, although this last one probably wasn't the best personality fit for him (even if the structure was much needed), and while I know she tried hard to help him, I'm just not sure we really ever got the breakthrough we were looking for.  At least until the last week when medication seemed to help.  But it definitely wasn't the year we were hoping for.

Carter was very excited for his last day.  He had some fun stuff leading up to the end, including some movie watching and popsicles that kept him in a good enough mood, but he was thrilled for the official last day.  That is a genuine smile!

And here he is literally running into school!

Last drop-off over six years of drop-offs--although there were a lot of bus rides in there, too.  At least drop-off was less chaotic this year because they were literally out directing traffic.

On Wednesday, he had his moving up car parade.  Jacob had a full ceremony with singing and announcing of everyone's name, but last year because of COVID they started the car parade.  I wonder if they'll ever go back now.  I was sad when I saw Carter wouldn't get the same ceremony, but I suppose he would probably be relieved if he knew what that entailed, since performing in public is probably not his strong suit.  We made a feeble attempt of decorating the van, but I had a last minute meeting pop up right before we were supposed to leave and Jacob was dragging his butt to the shower late as usual, so Craig had to handle most of it.  I had blown up balloons and tied them on strings, but our plan to secure them to the van (caught in the back windows) did not go well and we lost them all about two minutes into the ride.  Sigh.

At the school the cars were all lined up...

All of the teachers and staff were outside cheering and making noise.  Craig suggested they were likely all going out drinking after that was over, and I couldn't help but agree!  This just seemed like their pre-gaming!  I think Carter was somewhere between embarrassed and proud as they cheered for him by name.

It was sort of an odd feeling since I know some of those teachers had their fair share of struggles with him.  But I know most of the time teachers still care about their students and are happy to see them succeed.  His teacher came over to hand him a certificate and gift bag and talk to him for a couple minutes.  She wished him well and told us how much she enjoyed him (again...are you sure?) and appreciated our partnership.  We waved goodbye and drove along to the photo spot.

This is what we did manage to do to the van...

I had savored these last couple weeks when we just had one lower maintenance kid done with school, knowing that the chaos that results from both at home is a challenge.  Gone were my all-too-few quiet days with no kids, then we moved on to less-quiet days with one kid, and now we begin full-on summer.  The pool is cold and slightly green, and even on day one the electronics and the fights were making things difficult.  I literally said to Craig that he should look into whether we could still get Carter in at the Y because I can't do this every day.

Speaking of which, we officially found out yesterday that I'll be going back to the office relatively soon.  We are being asked to come back one day per week in August, and then full time with the option of up to two remote days starting in September.  I think Craig and I can coordinate for August, but I'm hoping September won't go into full effect until after the kids are in school, simply because picking up child care for a week and a half isn't really feasible.  I'm considering asking for one remote day per week, though I'll probably only use it when one of the kids has an appointment, since it saves me a ton of time going back and forth if I'm closer to home.  That might be every other week, or maybe more, assuming I can schedule things accordingly.  In many ways I will be grateful to go back, but I know it will be a painful adjustment in others.  On a day like today when I slept in, washed and remade two beds, and put away some dishes during my breaks from the work day, I know going back is going to be a challenge.  I'm hoping the mental boost from seeing people will help, at least through the initial transition, but I know it's going to be a serious change after 18 months away.  I cringe at the thought that my current normal (which has its fair share of mental challenges currently) is going to look downright delightful in a few months.  I know I'll long for the lunch time walks to the garden, miss sleeping in later, and think about all of the household chores I'm no longer sneaking in when I need a screen break.  It's like at Christmas when I always feel like I have so much more I could be doing at home, but now I'll know that's the case every single day.

As it is now I'm dreaming of my furlough, when I could get things done during the day, sneak in a swim and an afternoon glass of wine, then go for an evening bike ride or sit with a book on the porch. Instead, today I worked all day, moved right into making dinner, rushed to soccer practice (which I forgot we had until 15 minutes before and dinner was already on the table--I was mostly focused on Jacob's 6:30 basketball practice we only confirmed earlier in the day), came home, did some yard work since it's going to be super hot this weekend, came in to clean up the dinner dishes, picked up a few things around the house, and finished the laundry.  Last night I spent two hours dealing with the piles from the end of the school year for both kids, plus another hour dealing with my own pile of randomness...all of which came after a grocery store trip and dinner solo with both kids.  Jacob had presorted his school pile (that still included stuff from LAST year--don't even get me started), but there were things I had to take care of.  Carter's home school area was a mess and we needed to find spots for his supplies that came home.  The endless piles were killing me and I just had to take care of it.  I can't seem to muster a workout and really do much for myself in the evenings because I've been on kid duty every night this week due to Craig being gone--either working or taking Jacob to basketball.  I know the kids' sports are important, but it's getting frustrating to not have much flexibility--or to end up buried in tasks on the off-chance I can do something of my choice.  I know I really just need a vacation--a change of scenery, some adventure, and no work.  We probably need a couples vacation worst, but I know the kids are eager to get somewhere, too.  But if we're trying to figure out Disney eventually and don't want to fly anywhere yet, I'm not sure what we should do.  Oh, and we get to worry about the Delta variant spiking and ruining anything we can plan longer term.  Yay.

So, I can't say it's been a smooth entry to summer, nor does it look like things will be settling down anytime soon.  But second grade is done, summer school awaits, and we have a lot of figuring out to do in the meantime.  Wish us luck.

Celebrating x2

Well, that was a pretty full weekend.  To Buffalo and back with lots to celebrate...

Saturday I was up bright and early to get on the road to Craig's cousin's bridal shower in Buffalo.  I left the boys behind for a boys' day, but they kept themselves quite busy as well!  First they had Carter's soccer photo day...

Later they went to the giant new Dick's Sporting Goods out in Victor, and Carter climbed the rock wall!  I guess he didn't quite make it to the top, but look how high he is!

The shower was lovely and it was nice to see relatives on Craig's side--and even better knowing we'll see them again in a month!  After the shower, I drove to my parents' so I could change my clothes, stop at the outlets, and get in a little time with my dad pre-Father's Day.  We weren't planning to do Father's Day in Buffalo this year because Craig's parents were on a little weekend trip to see baseball games (as part of their Mother's Day and Father's Day gifts), and since it was Jacob's birthday, it just seemed to make sense to get some time in on Saturday and spend Sunday at home.  There was hope my parents would come up for Carter's soccer game tonight and we could have had more time, but the weather definitely didn't look cooperative.  It actually turned out okay despite crazy thunderstorms, but we're hoping for a picture perfect evening one of these next few weeks.  My mom went with me to the outlets--I mostly wanted to go to Adidas and Nike, though Nike ended up being closed for our newest federal holiday, Juneteenth.  My motivation to go was that Jacob didn't give us a birthday list until early this week, which didn't leave a lot of time for getting things shipped.  Normally he gives us a list months in advance and revises it five times, but it was a struggle this time--I guess he has all he needs!  But in order for him to have things to open, we needed to scramble a bit.  Adidas was having a 50% off sale, so I ended up calling Jacob and describing all the shoes they had, which led to getting one pair for $55, which was a great price.  I spent a little more time at my parents' house after shopping and had dinner with them before getting on the road.  I also stopped at Kohl's and Trader Joe's on my way out of town.  Kohl's had a shirt Jacob wanted and of course I scoured the clearance racks (one small find!), and Trader Joe's has my favorite frozen mac and cheese and cheap wine!

I ended up having a busy evening once I was home, because Jacob expressed a last-minute desire for cinnamon rolls for his birthday breakfast, and I was also working on a homemade ice cream cake for Sunday evening dessert.  Then I had to wrap gifts for both Jacob and Craig before bed.  I probably should have done Craig's sooner, but Jacob's were almost all last-minute anyway!  It was a rather late night!

We all managed to get to church on time Sunday morning, which was a nice change of pace.  We're now relegated to the gym because our church, which had been really cautious about reopening and precautions, suddenly dropped all rules and modifications in both the main worship center and Sunday School--no mandated masks or distancing, even for those who aren't vaccinated.  I found this exceptionally disappointing, in part because our good friend has a compromised immune system due to MS and treatments, and masking was the only way she could be involved, which she had just started to do again.  Now that's out the window.  The gym is still having fully masked and distanced worship, so we're opting to go there and hope that Carter's mask does its job at Sunday School.  It's set up with groups of chairs, some high top tables, and a couple couches (I think it's a bit of a "cafe" setup because the 20-somethings do their weekly gathering there), and Jacob always wants to sit somewhere other than the chairs.  I always say no (and usually we're not there early enough to snag one anyway), but this time--since we were early enough and it was his birthday--I said OK.  Admittedly it was a little too comfortable at times, but it was an interesting change of pace!

After church there was a setup outside to celebrate dads.  There was cotton candy on the way out of Sunday school and bacon and (root) beer in the parking lot.  The bacon was fancy, with three flavors--one was honey sesame, one was honey chipotle, and the other was maple chili.  I had the latter two, and there was something about them that even I could enjoy...yum!  

Carter enjoyed his with a mini muffin, and the sun was so blinding (seriously, it was crazy), he borrowed my sunglasses!

Back at home, we settled in for some gift opening!  I didn't wrap the new sneakers (Jacob actually sneaked them out of the bag the previous night in the 30 seconds it took me to bring in another load from the car, so why waste the paper?), but I wanted to commemorate the gift anyway.

He opened up a few birthday cards and then got started on his pile of gifts.

He ended up getting three shirts and two pairs of shorts, along with some fancy gluten-free candy (Kit Kat and Twix equivalents).  Not exactly the most exciting haul, but he liked them all and it leaves us a little leeway to get him something else if the opportunity crops up before his party.  We have no idea when that's going to be, but with his cousins' sports schedules it'll probably just end up being grandparents and maybe godmother Lori and her fiancé some weekend.  

After that it was on to Craig's gifts.  Carter did a very nice gift at school for him--a cute card and a tiny little plaque.

I was probably more excited about Craig's gifts than I was for Jacob's!  Months ago I found a cute little gift on Amazon that I was able to pre-order.  It was a little version of the stapler in jello from The Office that plays quotes from the show.  It came with a tiny trivia book, too.

I figured that might be good for my Office-obsessed spouse, but then last week I ran to Aldi for some groceries, and they happened to have these little video arcade games that look like tiny versions of the old stand-up arcade consoles.  One of them was BurgerTime, one of Craig's favorite games.  When the boys got me the ill-fated Nintendo knock-off for Christmas, one of the games on it was BurgerTime.  It wasn't super responsive to the controller, unfortunately, and was therefore really hard to play, but Craig enjoyed the throwback.  I felt a little bad when we sent it back.  But then I saw this game and figured the odds of specifically finding BurgerTime elsewhere were slim, and when I checked Amazon and saw what a great deal this one was, I had to get it!

While I would have liked to be more productive with the day, we had to do a relatively quick lunch and then I had to run to Wegmans to get the lactose-free ice cream they were out of the other day when I shopped.  I had to finish off the cake when I got home, and then eventually we dragged ourselves out to our activity for the day, mini golf.  We were just at our local one over Memorial Day weekend, so we decided to try the other location since we haven't been there in years.  There was a long wait to buy tickets, but there were lots of other activities at that location so it turned out golf wasn't that busy.  The boys were actually both a little cranky--Carter was annoyed that his putter was purple, and then he was just off on his putting all day.  Some of it was just rushing, but it seemed like no matter what he did, he missed the cup by just a little, over and over again.  Jacob was also annoyed with his play, but I guess that happens on new courses.  None of us played as well as usual, but the change of scenery was nice.

The kids love the arcade maybe more than the golf, and obviously on Jacob's birthday he wanted to try to beat the basketball record.  Alas, the record was already sky-high so we had to turn our attention to other things.  We racked up a decent number of tickets, and then the kids raced in Mario Kart.

After a while, we headed back toward home and dinner!  Jacob decided on Outback for dinner, which was fine since we hadn't been there in a while.  He really wanted lobster but there weren't any good deals on it so I promised him that next time they do their seafood feast (I think it's usually a lobster tail, shrimp, and crab cakes), we could go back and get that again.  Lacking that I may have to splurge on tails to make in the Instant Pot at home and maybe we can do surf and turf since we're the only ones that eat the surf part.  We all enjoyed our dinner but eagerly looked forward to dessert at home--a gluten-free, mostly lactose-free ice cream cake!  The hot fudge layer had some dairy, but getting around that is hard.  It wasn't the prettiest cake, mostly because I tried using parchment paper to block leaks from my hand-me-down springform pan and it wouldn't lay flat (next time maybe plastic wrap?).  But I can assure you it was delicious!

We are all eagerly awaiting seconds tonight after Carter's soccer game!  

We finished off the night watching Jacob's movie of choice, Space Jam.  We can't wait for the second one to come out soon!  It may not have been the most exciting birthday ever, though Jacob did say this one was better than last year.  We did our best with limits last year during COVID and I thought we did okay--we even had a second day of celebrating on Father's Day--but as long as he's happy, that's all that matters.  And we still have more celebrating to look forward to!

It's still a little crazy to think about having a teenager.  I vividly remember 13 myself, in all my awkward glory--although the worst of my awkward phase was on its way out by that point.  It's definitely a coming of age year, though.  By the way, have I mentioned the scary fact that in the same amount of time that we went from Jacob finishing second grade (like Carter is now) to today, Jacob will be graduating from high school.  That is completely terrifying!  As I drove on Saturday, I was vividly recalling to myself the events of the day prior and the week following his birth, and so many details are still so clear.  It was such a transformative time for me as an adult, baptism by fire for sure, and there are times I still regret that was our experience, especially knowing the bliss I felt after Carter was born.  That first week was hard and sometimes I think it set the stage for things feeling "off" for a long time.  But 13 years later we've made it this far, not easily, but we're here.  And that is definitely something to celebrate!

Thirteen!

Dear Jacob,

How are you a teenager?  It just doesn't seem possible.  But here we are.  It's been one crazy ride so far, but somehow we're still standing...and even like each other most of the time!

The week you were born was probably the most life-changing period of my entire life, and I simply can't believe it's been 13 years since that moment, nor can I believe I've had 13 rounds of looking back on that time, always in awe of how it all played out.  Aside from the first few weeks, I really didn't mind pregnancy at all.  It was fascinating and scary and exhilarating all at once.  I was so nervous and actually not in any rush to meet you--mostly because life was pretty good and I knew you would change everything (not necessarily for the worse, just different), and I really just wanted to savor that last bit of time because I knew it would never be that way again.  We knew we wanted more out of life, so that's where you came in.  But those last moments were ones I will never forget--a time before everything in life pivoted to revolve around one tiny human.  

And sure enough, one night, in one ten minute span, I went from getting ready for bed with nearly two weeks until my due date to knowing you'd be making your appearance within the next day or so, and it was both exciting and overwhelming...and that was just the beginning.  I learned so much that week--what true pain and exhaustion were, how to love someone I just met, what it feels like to be scared out of your mind for someone you love so intensely, where my breaking point was and how to bring myself back from it, and all of the baby care basics I never bothered to learn when I was avoiding diaper changes in my baby-sitting days.  I was never so sleep deprived, never so overwhelmed by my own body, and never so fascinated by another human being.  You changed everything for our family--you made us a family, after all--and while it hasn't always been smooth sailing, it has been a life-altering adventure that has taught me more than I could have ever imagined.  

Parenthood is the hardest job there is, and most days I still feel like I'm terrible at it.  I didn't get the easiest kids, mind you, but for a decision-averse person like me, the endless decisions you need to make for yourself, your child, and your family are a lot to process.  So, on that front I feel like I've been a trooper.  But I question myself every single day because I want to make sure we're raising the best kids we can.  You haven't made it easy, and this is the reason I nag you about your room, or about how you treat your brother, or about your homework.  Those are all important things in the moment, but they're actually more important to the adult you will become--how you will treat others and handle responsibility.  I saw a quote once that said something about not raising a little boy, but rather raising a good man.  Now that you're 13, it's becoming even clearer that's what's at stake.

This year has been interesting.  Some things got back to normal.  You were in school five days a week, you played basketball regularly, and even played on two new teams.  It was amazing to see you play games after so long without them, and it was clear that all the training you did in the meantime (and since) is working.  It's awesome to watch you play, especially when you're "on" and have cooperative teammates.  Your game has definitely evolved, but those threes are still awfully pretty to watch go in!  You also managed to get some new friends this year--both in class and some teammates--which was a relief after you never really found your crew last year.  Academically, school had its challenges this year, even in person, but overall I think we'll call it a win.  Hopefully you will not have the same math teacher and you'll have better luck with assignments getting into the system on time so we don't get as many robocalls.  I'm trying to consider this practice for high school, so we have one more year to get it right.  This coming year could be a pretty pivotal one for a lot of reasons as we head toward high school, so I hope we get a good feel for where things are headed, both academically and athletically. 

I wish I could say the family dynamic got better this past year, but sadly that's not the case.  I feel like our issues shift a bit every year but not much actually changes.  Last year in this letter I was telling you to stop trying to "fix" your brother because that's not your job, and we just had that conversation all over again the other day.  We know there are challenges there, but he's also a very different person than you and what you might think is a problem vs. what actually is can be very different.  We appreciate the effort you make to connect with Carter--we do!--but it has to go hand-in-hand with patience for the challenging kid he is, because without that, the outbursts that result (from either of you) aren't really doing us any favors.  It's a process--it has to be one to build trust after so many years of contention--and I hope someday you understand how to best make that happen.

Sometimes you can be a great kid to talk to and we see this maturity coming through, and it's awesome.  And other times you're still just putting down your brother, ignoring our advice, and generally giving us a preview of your teenagery side. When we started seeing behavior issues with you, especially when they got bad about eight years ago, I always worried about your teenage years when you were bigger, stronger, and your hormones made every reaction even worse, because the thought of combining the issues we were having with that sounded impossibly horrible.  And now, here we are.  You are definitely bigger and stronger, and oh, the hormonal moodiness is here, too.  But fortunately for us, a lot of those behavior elements have faded so I'm not as terrified as I once was of what these years might bring.  I have my moments when something goes to an extreme for a hot second, but then there are times when I see the maturity coming out and have hope that we might get through things okay after all.

You officially passed me in height this year, your feet continue to grow (you're barely a full size behind your father), your voice is definitely changing, and the skin issues have begun--but we're hoping to nip those in the bud quickly.  Everyone is remarking how grown up you look now.  The changes even since your first day of school pic in the fall or last year's last day of school pic are crazy.  The other day I let myself look at your Kindergarten picture and the height difference alone is crazy.  And I know the next year is only going to get crazier, if my friends' kids or the next age group up in basketball is any indication.  And honestly, it blows my mind that just as quickly as we got from second grade to now (ironically the same point Carter is at currently), that is the same period of time from now until your high school graduation.  That is shocking and scary and awe-inspiring.  We have a lot of life in those five years, but wow.  It's happening fast.

We are proud of the person you're becoming, though don't mind us if we keep trying to help you refine things a bit as we go along.  That's still our job, at least for five more years and likely beyond, so we just ask for some patience and cooperation in the meantime.  We love you and hope you have a great birthday and a much better year ahead...especially since your day might be a bit lackluster since it's also Father's Day and your list came a little too late for online ordering!  We'll make it up to you, though.  Happy 13th to our teenager!

Love, 

Mom (and Dad, too)

Medicine to the Rescue...Again?

A few weeks ago Carter started ADHD medication.  We got the go-ahead from the therapist to call his pediatrician rather than wait for the medication consult at the therapist's office.  We had a very short timeline to get him medicine and give it a shot at school before the end of the year, so I didn't want to waste any more time.  As it was this had been a many-months-long process and now we only had so much time to get our bearings enough to give us a better shot at a good start to third grade.  

It was easier this time around to take matters into our own hands because we'd been through the process before and had a lot more understanding of how things usually progress.  We also knew what had worked for Jacob, so there was at least a small chance it could work for Carter, too.  I figured Ritalin would be a natural place to start because it not only worked for Jacob, but he showed no adverse reactions to it.  Some kids lose their appetite or their personality changes for the worse, and we had none of that with Jacob.  As much as it seems like my kids have completely different sets of genes, in this case I had to trust there were some similarities--enough that the medicine would work for Carter as well.  If nothing else, I felt like it had to be a starting point with fewer unknowns than any other medicine, at least.  I knew we'd start at the minimum dose of 5mg and progress from there if needed.  The doctor agreed, and off we went.

Carter had two full weeks of that dose.  I saw a slight change in him when we did Wednesdays at home.  He was at least a little more cooperative and able to sit through two straight assignments without begging for a break.  But when I checked in with his teacher, school was a different story--he was still disruptive, still fidgety, still challenging.  Sigh.  I was so sad to read her recap, and called the doctor with the update as he'd asked me for a couple weeks in.  He upped the dose to 10mg, which was easy enough as he could just take two of his current pills until the new prescription was ready.  Of course, in the interim, he got his cold.  We sent him to school Monday (feeling much better, mind you) with decongestant in his system, which I read had the potential to make him a bit more excitable.  It sounded like Monday wasn't the best day as a result (though he was more responsive to reminders), but his teacher told me on Wednesday that he did great on Tuesday with no reminders!  

Wednesday at home was a fantastic day.  I was solo because Craig had a major work thing (the college lacrosse league he's been spearheading had its first game!), and Carter did an amazing job at home, working through at least two assignments at a time and coming back to work after breaks with little to no hesitation.  He's also been playing with toys a lot more recently after rediscovering a set of Tinkertoys (a hand-me-down from our old neighbor back in the day) that I pulled up from the basement.  They weren't stored away or even particularly hidden, but it's unlikely he would have noticed them where they were.  Once we cleared more toys out of the toy shelf before the garage sale, there was an empty bin available for them, so I moved them up.  He's been playing with them for days with varying degrees of success, but it's been so nice to see him put away the tablet in favor of a toy for a change.  Interestingly, even though the medicine only lasts for about four hours, he's seemed better in the couple hours after, too.  Given that his teacher didn't have concerns on Tuesday, and he was good on Wednesday into the afternoon, and even his therapist noticed a little less fidgeting yesterday at 3pm, it's intriguing.  Is a quieter head in the morning keeping him calmer all day?  Who knows.  But for now I'll take it.

So, the bad news is that we still won't have a great sample to know for sure if it's working at school.  He had a fun day today with a movie and popsicles, so that's probably not a good measure, and then he just has two days left next week.  And if my school experience was any indication, those won't be normal days either.  I LOVED the last couple days of school where we returned our textbooks, cleaned our desks (with shaving cream!), and wrapped things up with other fun activities.  But it's been a good sign, at least.  We'll also have opportunities this summer to test things out since we're doing remote summer school.  It'll only be about 90 minutes a week, maybe more if we can incentivize a bit.  He has a handwriting book (cursive, no less!) that the teacher has encouraged them to finish, and he can definitely use work in that area, so between the assigned work and that book, we should have some activities that will necessitate focus and patience and will give the medicine a run for its money.  But if nothing else, I think it should give us a better start in the fall with this dose--though hopefully by then it will be the long acting medicine, which will be even better.

The funny thing about Carter--and probably the main difference I see between the boys--is that I don't feel like he NEEDS the medicine at home quite like Jacob did (and still does).  When Jacob doesn't take his, he can be really frustrating.  I actually think he probably manages OK at school now, but at home in the mornings before he takes it (and often after it wears off in the evenings), he can be disrespectful and a major pot-stirrer.  It's like he just can't help himself but to cause trouble, and I feel like that's probably his way of getting the stimulation his body craves.  But for Carter, he's pretty easy-going at home (unless you try to take away the electronics or change activities), so it's really just the in-school focus that is more concerning.  So whereas Jacob has to take his every day, with Carter he may not need it on the weekends or all summer.  We'll just have to see how that goes.  

Once fall comes, we'll see how Carter fares at school.  Third grade will be harder, no doubt, but I'm hoping that summer school will help him avoid the summer slide and keep him in learning mode all along.  The medicine will help, but time will tell if we need to play with the dose more.  In addition, he's already on the docket for evaluation in the fall for any additional interventions like a 504 plan.  His current school and his new school share an assistant principal and psychologist, so they're both aware of his situation now and will carry that over to his new school.  After a few weeks to settle in, they'll see where things stand and review his case again to see if more help is needed.  It sounds like his teacher will be aware of his situation and hopefully we'll just hit the ground running then.  After such a tough time this year, I don't want to lose any time next year.  Because, of course, now that it seems like medicine is working, I'm kicking myself a little that we didn't start this process even sooner.  Remote school obviously didn't help, since it made it harder to judge things and easier to assume it was the setup that was causing more issues than the ADHD itself.  After all, you don't want to medicate if you don't really have to, and you always want to try other options before you get to that point.  But in retrospect, it probably would have been a much smoother, more productive year all around if we had acted sooner.  But it is what it is, and at least we can try to make next year better.  And Lord knows, next year is a biggie so I'd rather get that one right if we can. 

But for now, it's nice to know we might have some help over the summer and into the fall.  There still isn't a lot of evidence that the medicine will be a cure-all, so I can't say for sure we have a winner yet.  It was practically a magic bullet for Jacob at school, where he went from hating it and disliking his teacher to liking school and loving his teacher surprisingly quickly.  Whether that will be the case here, I'm not sure, but it's definitely a start.  I feel bad his teacher only gets a few days with this more pleasant version of our child, but at least he might leave a good last impression!  I can't believe he's almost done with second grade and will be off to a new school in the fall.  It seems like we were just here with Jacob as he moved up, then Carter's Kindergarten orientation a couple years later, and now we're wrapping up our time at this school all together.  Our experience this time around was definitely not what we expected, in so many ways--between the pandemic impacting two of his three years and having more challenges than expected with Carter himself.  We missed out on so much, but hopefully we can reclaim some of these experiences with a more cooperative kid next year.  And now, the big finish and on to summer!

News & Notes - The Good, The Bad, and The Sick Edition

It's a bit of a challenging week in many ways.  We're pretty sure a mouse built another nest in our lawn mower, lots of plants in our yard are dying, the new pool stairs are a bit of a mystery, and for the first time since Christmas some germs have made it into our house and it's caused some frustration.

I noticed this week that our tree in the front, the one I put Easter eggs on, had some brown leaves on the ground and that other leaves are turning white.  That is on top of our spirea dying off in spots (it's done that for a couple years but this year is worse), the ground cover we have in the front all seemed to die off earlier than usual (it does it every year from some sort of fungus) but is now starting to come back, and our azalea is still battling a fungus despite all of its beautiful flowers this spring.  I caught an aphid infection on our burning bushes pretty quickly, but almost everything seems to be suffering from something.  I have a guy willing to take my $55 just to diagnose it all, but Lord knows what treatment might cost--assuming we can even do that since most things I read seem to say you should just plant fungus-resistant plants because it will always come back.  Great.

On the bright side, my garden is doing fabulously, with first buds on my tomato and one of my cukes, and the romaine lettuce, beans, peas, and zucchini coming along nicely as well.  My Mother's Day geranium has buds again finally, my hydrangea is close to blooming in spots, and my random flower seeds are thriving and a couple buds have appeared.  So at least that's good.  Oh, and my experimental pumpkin patch officially has a handful of plants that I fenced off today (and I planted three more in empty space within the fencing), so that will be fun to watch.  Never mind that I end up with a few mosquito bites every time I go back there and they're driving me nuts.

And yes, the lawn mower wouldn't start the other day and we suspect the mouse nest that cost us hundreds of dollars has made a return.  We're just not sure what it's going to take to keep them out of there.  And, of course, not having a functioning lawn mower is far more of a problem in June than it was in September.  I guess we just have to hope for a mild drought so nothing grows?  Hopefully the necessary parts won't be lost for months in the COVID abyss this time.

On the bright side, my car should be ready tomorrow.  The first place I tried to take it to basically gave me the runaround for a couple weeks.  It took days to get a call to get an appointment to take it in, only to have to wait five more days to take it in, which ended up just being to take pictures and send me home again.  Then I didn't hear from them from the Thursday before Memorial Day to the following Wednesday, at which point I called and they had an estimate but couldn't schedule me until the 23rd, which was crazy.  I emailed the insurance guy and he was able to switch to another local place by the next day, at which point they promptly texted me to schedule an estimate, got me in that day, decided I shouldn't be driving my car, and got me a rental, all in one afternoon.  They've given me almost daily text updates (with photos!) and should have it done more than a week before the other place could even get me in.  So, that's good.  My rental was far more fun before the free week of Sirius/XM expired, though.

The weather has been pretty decent for a while now, but our pool is still not ideal for swimming.  It's still cloudy, but a good cleaning had to wait until we had a ladder in the pool.  So, we just got the new (temporary) ladder in but it's not very stable and we're struggling with how to secure it to the pool.  So, that's frustrating on a hot day like today...but at least now we can get in to vacuum just to see if it helps.

On Thursday, Carter came home sniffly from school.  We were hoping it was allergies but it was pretty clear by the evening that it was a cold.  Sadly, his school's field day was on Friday and he's been waiting for that day for two years!  He loved it in Kindergarten and immediately asked when the next one was.  Well, last year's got canceled since they were learning remotely (although they tried with some cute activities), and he was so eager for this year's even though the format was a bit different due to COVID and no parent volunteers.  But I couldn't in good conscience send him to school sneezing and sniffling, and eventually even he admitted it would be better to stay home.  We did a fun lunch and the boys did an obstacle course in the yard and came in for freeze pops (not quite the same as popsicles at school, but...).  Next year he'll be at a different school doing Junior Olympics, so hopefully that works out better for him.  But it was such a bummer.  Fortunately, we did get him in for a COVID test and it came back quickly with a negative result, so at least we are OK to just treat it as a cold.  That meant we could go to Jacob's local basketball tournament this weekend.  He got 10 points in the first game on Saturday but only three in the second game.  He's still eternally frustrated with this team and their selfish play.  Of course, Jacob had the terrible idea to create a fort in Carter's room on Friday and basically bury them both behind a bean bag chair, blankets and stuffed animals, which meant--surprise, surprise--last night Jacob started sneezing.  He's officially down for the count today, with a full-sized man-cold.  It took three tries to find a medicine combo that worked.  I'm guessing he'll feel better tomorrow like Carter did, and at least we won't have to make the call on school since he's done, but it meant he had to miss his game today.  He wasn't terribly broken up by that, of course, and probably had some very deep satisfaction when they lost without him, but if that's how his tenure with that team ends (he ages out next week, technically), that wasn't the ideal exit.

Speaking of which, his birthday is in fact a week from today and we have nothing planned and nothing bought.  The kid who normally has revised his list a dozen times by now has not passed along anything.  I think he thinks everything is too expensive to ask for.  Teenagers...ugh.  We'll squeeze a small party in at some point, I'm sure, in between all of the upcoming events we have.  I have a bridal shower in Buffalo next Saturday, a baby shower in another month, and two weddings in the next couple months, as well.  Now if we could just figure out vacation plans!  I will say I am quite prepared for Father's Day, however, with a couple awesome gifts.  

The crib finally made its exit this weekend.  After not selling at the garage sale, it had sat in our garage until I finally bothered to post it on the Buy Nothing page for our area on Friday.  I had one claim that didn't work out, but the second one picked it up yesterday evening just before we got home from basketball.  It's a little bittersweet, but it was definitely past time.  I hope it works out well for them, and I can now officially appreciate getting that space back in our crawl space (even if it hasn't actually been down there since the sale).  

Carter had two soccer games this past week, and scored a goal in each.  It's so nice to see him doing well in a sport, hustling his butt off out there and having it pay off.  We had ice cream afterward at a place we used to go to after Jacob's baseball games (it's right down the road from both sets of fields) and ran into his buddy Elias (from daycare and Sunday School), who was fresh off his own game.  They're one division apart because of their one-year age difference, but next year they'd be in the same group if we could somehow pull it off.  They've enjoyed being in Sunday School together for the brief period it's been in person this past year, especially with the new indoor play area, but they'll be split up there in a couple weeks, too.

Carter only has seven days of school left.  This is his last full week, followed by two days next week.  He gets a moving-up car parade, which is a disappointment compared to what Jacob had, but hopefully it will be fun in its own way.  Then the battle begins to keep him occupied and off screens as much as we can, but that has proved challenging and now Craig will be working more since the college lacrosse league he's been working toward for months is finally happening.  We probably should have set him up with something, but that felt hard this year, especially since the camp Jacob went to for years at the University is no longer.  

I feel like right now there are lots of little struggles that I'm just too mentally tired to work my way through.  I think working from home and getting so few changes of scenery is contributing to that stress somehow (it's a theory I have from years of working 14-hour days in sports, that the change in scenery our game night staff had from their regular job to the arena made their 14-hour day easier somehow--and it did play out when I changed jobs but worked game nights for a while).  There are all these little things--some that cost money and some that are just taking up brain space--and without a vacation or some sort of mental break from them in over 15 months (to the day, in fact), it's getting harder to have the energy reserves to manage it all.  Plus there's the current struggle of not knowing what's safe, wondering about the variants and watching people just go back to normal life--no masks in stores, gathering together, no masks or distancing in the main sanctuary of our church, traveling freely--and waiting for things to get bad again like they are in places where one of the variants has taken over and is 70% more contagious.  People will not want to go back to restrictions and it could get ugly again--particularly for those who can't or won't get vaccinated.  It's just an every-day decision as to what feels safe, even in spite of watching others who clearly feel fine about everything.  It's probably not that much different than it was early on, but now we're definitely on the conservative side when so many others are not.  I suppose that's not helping matters.

So, it was a bit of a mixed bag this week.  This coming week features a lot of appointments and a few other activities--by all accounts a "normal" week--but with my anxiety up from some of the past week's challenges, it's hard to enjoy the good stuff right now like we should.  Hoping that worry subsides, but summer is officially on its way and I'm hoping we can somehow make it a good one.

Better but Still Weird

We were back on the road again this past weekend, but alas, it was not where we were supposed to be!  Originally when we got our tournament schedule (or at least the second iteration of it), we were supposed to be in Binghamton this weekend.  I, of course, was excited about that as it meant I could likely have some time with Heather and my godson Mason.  Well...then Jacob got hurt, which put everything in jeopardy, but then he seemed to recover pretty quickly.  But then, because this team is a complete mess, we found out mid-week that someone didn't make the payment on the Binghamton tournament so we would not be going there.  They managed to get us into a tournament in Cortland, which is about 45 minutes north of Binghamton.  So, of course I started working through multiple scenarios on how to get to Binghamton around our game schedule.  But unfortunately, once we got the schedule it became clear our options were limited, in part because the tournament wasn't actually in Cortland but about 15 minutes away in Dryden, which is about halfway between Cortland and Ithaca.  And when we went to look at hotels, Cortland was very limited and it turned out Ithaca had one that worked better for us, so in the end the logistics of getting together felt really challenging.  I didn't want to make them drive a long way, but even some of the midpoints were going to be too time-consuming round-trip for what our schedule could allow.  It was all a little frustrating given how last-minute the tournament itself was, on top of trying to get some extra benefit out of the trip.

But before I get to the trip, guess what?  Jacob is done with school!  

He finished up on Friday and is now home for the summer!  I'll miss my quiet days at home with just Craig and me, but at least he mostly keeps himself occupied.  Hard to believe 8th grade is just a few months away!

We left relatively early on Saturday so we could arrive at the tournament site on time.  Of course, Jacob is notoriously difficult to get moving on weekend mornings, and this day was no exception.  He spends forever in the bathroom (even if only 5-10 minutes is in the shower) and on this morning it was challenging because there were still some last-minute things that needed to be done or grabbed from there, so once again our trip did not start out on a good note, with us about 15 minutes behind schedule.  But things got better.  We picked up some time, only had to stop once for the bathroom, and it was pleasant weather and a pretty simple trip almost entirely on highways until the end.  The tournament site was a community college with very nice facilities, and we got there right on time.

Jacob did really well in the first game, which they won by three.  He scored 13 points, which was pretty close to his all-time high.  We were very happy with his effort, and despite some frustrations with the rest of the team, it was nice to see them win.  That game finished up around 1:30, and we headed out to grab some lunch in Ithaca and then go check into our hotel.  On our way out of the parking lot, we saw this bit of randomness:

There were four wooden cutouts holding lanterns

Turns out it was a memorial to four Civil War nurses from the area for whom the college has named a nursing scholarship.  I was hoping for a few more fun photo ops on this trip, but sadly this was the only one.  I have a plan, though...so stay tuned for later in the summer.

We decided to hit up Firehouse Subs, which Jacob discovered he liked when he played in Erie a while back, and we all very much enjoyed our subs.  We can't wait to get one here in Rochester soon!  Then it was off to our hotel.  I booked it as a Hot Deal on Hotwire (my last-minute site of choice), and even managed to get a promo code that knocked a few more bucks off.  I'm getting good at figuring out the Hot Deal hotels before I book--they don't tell you the hotel but give you hints--so it's always a little bit of a gamble, but my guess was correct.  This one looked decent and was $15 cheaper than the other one I was eyeing up.  It turned out that the hotel was a little weird--a series of four one-story buildings, with our building being extra tiny with maybe 12 rooms.  On the outside it looked like a traditional old-school motel that should have had individual outside doors, but it had corridors like a hotel.  It had an outdoor pool, but the hours were short so we never got to use it.  Our room was unlike any we've ever seen.  It had a high cathedral ceiling with windows up top!  

It also had the narrowest garbage can I've ever seen (my 32 oz cup did not fit!), but it did have a nice half-wall in the bathroom hiding the toilet, so I'll give it points for that.  The main reason I booked it was because I was able to get two beds and a pull-out couch for the same price as two beds, and after the debacle that was our last hotel experience, that sounded perfect.  Craig and I could have a bed, Jacob could have a bed, and Carter could have the pull-out.  The hotel definitely wasn't the best--cleanliness wasn't really where I like it to be, and I'm pretty understanding with that--but overall it was fine and the third bed was a huge score.  So after stopping in there and relaxing for a bit, we headed back out.

We knew game two would be a tough one, and it was.  The other team was full of big kids (it was a 13U bracket and those kids looked like they were pushing it--they were all at least 5'5" or taller, and had that older look), while Jacob's team has mostly 6th graders, most of whom have not hit their growth spurt yet.  Most of his teammates are decent players at a glance, but they're overly emotional and can be selfish and inconsistent.  One player is simply terrible but he's the coach's son and gets a ton of playing time.  I estimated (and I think it held true) that he loses the ball 4 out of 5 times that he handles it--or at least that the next person he passes to loses it because he chose someone that was heavily covered.  Add in coaches that tend to use negative methods of motivation (yelling and taking kids out of the game), and it's a pretty bad mix.  They manage when they win, but it comes out clearly when they lose.  Jacob only ended up with one three-pointer in that game because his team could barely handle the ball.  Most passes were intercepted and a lot of shots got blocked.  He didn't get the ball much as a result and was double covered when he did.  But we knew that team would beat the team we beat, so we were pretty sure our path for the rest of the weekend was clear at that point.  Back to the hotel we went to figure out dinner and how to manage Jacob's suddenly sore feet.  For some reason his heels were really hurting him in his shoes, almost like the padding had given up the ghost, and we needed to figure something so he'd be comfortable enough to play the next day.  We decided to head out to the Dick's in town and figure out if there were any shoes he could get there.  That's about where things started to get crazy and then a bit weird.

We got to Dick's around 7:30, but the visit was short-lived as they didn't have what Jacob wanted and the clerk said, "I haven't received a shipment in over a year."  We weren't sure what to make of that.  Any shipment?  An Adidas shipment?  Do you never sell shoes then?  Where did these all come from?  It was so odd.  Also, no one could suggest anywhere else in town to find basketball sneakers.  I guess we're not in the big city anymore, eh?  Well, back to the drawing board.  We frantically worked through other scenarios.  The only Foot Locker in Ithaca had closed permanently, and any other local long-shot options (not many) would likely be closing in 15 minutes.  The next closest Foot Locker was a way's away and would probably be closed at 8pm, too.  We briefly decided to drive up to Syracuse (an hour) to go to the giant Dick's there, but realized per the GPS we'd never make it in time for the 9pm closing--and keep in mind we hadn't had dinner yet, either.  Also, timing would not work for a morning attempt.  I was getting a little impatient with the desperation at this point--driving two hours round trip, not having eaten, and not even knowing what we could get just seemed like too much--and I basically said we should just go home because Jacob was insisting he could not play.  Not our best moment, for sure.  Plan C was to stop at Wegmans (thankfully around the corner) and get shoe inserts, which we did rather easily, and thankfully they seemed to get us through on Sunday.  

Back in the van, we decided that Craig and Jacob wanted Chipotle (in the same plaza as Firehouse) and Carter and I wanted Taco Bell, which was conveniently across the street.  I ordered Chipotle online as we drove, and ordered Taco Bell through the app during the five minute wait at Chipotle.  We immediately went across the street to the Taco Bell drive-thru line.  This was about 8:30.  We pulled in to a long-ish line. A guy on a motorbike was right ahead of us, and while we waited, we noticed his interesting attire.  He had a dark yellow jacket with matching shorts, and we could tell there was some sort of odd printed shirt under his jacket.  Craig said it looked like he was wearing pajamas, and the print looked a bit...phallic.  After a while we figured out they were colorful mushrooms.  So, I guess we know what he does in his free time.  As he got up to the ordering screen, at one point I saw “Order Canceled” pop up, but despite being on a motorbike, he stayed in line.  Maybe he thought he couldn't get around the cars, or maybe he had more to discuss at the window.  Regardless, the line took forever, and we spent most of it inventing stories about Mr. Mushroom Shirt and pondering how he might carry an order once he got it.  When he got to the window, he showed the cashier something on his phone, and eventually drove away empty handed.  Okay then.

When we pulled up, they said, “You ordered five waters?” Ummm, no. We reiterated our online order, waited, almost gagged at the repeated sight of the cashier's very hairy plumber's crack (horrible, just horrible), got our drink (which they had to sub due to an odd nationwide Mountain Dew Baja Blast shortage currently), waited some more, and then we were randomly handed a box that had been sitting on the counter since we pulled up, which definitely seemed sketchy. Sure enough, we pulled up about a foot before I looked in the box and realized there were multiple burritos and tacos, and our order should have had three tacos, cinnamon twists, and nachos. So we backed up, handed the box back, and watched some very confused workers once again look at the screen and figure things out. We waited again for much longer than it should take to make three tacos from scratch. We saw other orders come out to the counter, watched the cashier check his phone, and generally felt terrible for the people behind us. No updates or explanations, and barely any apologies.  After being in line for a solid half hour, our food finally came out. And yes, it was the right order, though we ended up with an extra taco somehow. I don't even want to know. Oh, and if that wasn't weird enough, the motorbike guy was still sitting out in front of the restaurant when we left.

When we were in line (you know, when it was still light out—did I mention it was now after 9pm?), I had set our GPS to take us back through the Cornell University campus, since we realized on the way to Dick's that our hotel was really close to a different section of the campus. I figured that the detour would at least be more interesting. It seemed more ill-advised once we had rapidly cooling food in the car and it was getting dark, but we took that route anyway. It was actually fascinating, as we saw Greek houses (and gave Jacob a rundown of the pitfalls of Greek life), glimpsed a wonderful view over the gorge as the sun set, saw a waterfall, and drove through the heart of campus. It was much bigger than we expected, with such a wide variety of buildings—old and new.  It definitely wasn't what I expected from an Ivy League school--not a lot of brick or ivy that we could see, but lots of modern buildings and public art.  We eventually found the athletics corridor, with the basketball arena, hockey rink, and an entire building dedicated to wrestling, of all things. It was a really interesting drive, though I wish it would have been a bit lighter out. I'd love to walk it some day, because it looked like there was some funky art and some really cool buildings. Oh, and we also caught a glimpse of the “fun” district of the city along the way.  But boy, were we happy to get back to the hotel and eat our very late dinner, which transitioned right into bedtime.  And I'm happy to report that the three beds worked like a charm and we all slept significantly better than our previous trip.  

On Sunday, if Jacob's team won game 1, they'd have another game at 3pm.  After much debating, we finally worked out that win or lose we'd meet Heather and her crew at a famous local ice cream place at 1pm.  Well, we had heard the prior day that the game was going to be at Ithaca High School, but then found out that morning that the game was actually a half hour away at Cortland High School.  So we rushed from a quick morning stop for a bagel and medical tape to get there just on time.  That complicated lunch slightly, but we figured we could make it work.  The first game of the day was against the same team we beat the prior day, and it was another hard-fought game.  Despite being without one of our bigs (he was the brother of another kid and played the first game the prior day, but had another tournament with his real team), we did just as well, in part because Jacob had FIVE three-pointers!  He ended up with 17 points, a career high.  It was so exciting to see him make all of those shots, and the aunt of one of his teammates was getting a huge kick out of his success, too!  It is super fun to watch when he gets on a roll!  His team won, which meant one more game later in the day.  But first, ice cream and friends!

Jacob's coach specifically gave them the instruction "No sugar" during their postgame meeting, so it seemed like ice cream might not work.  We were running 10 minutes behind, so I decided that Craig should drop off Carter and me, and we'd get ice cream, and he and Jacob would go get "real" lunch--which ended up once again being at Firehouse Subs!  We met up with Heather, Peter, and Mason, and it was great to see them.  My once tiny godson is getting SO big!!  He's got chubby thighs and a big smile!  I peeped a couple teeth, too!  He was such a good boy while we sat and licked our ice cream endlessly to stop it from melting in the 90 degree heat!  We didn't have a lot of time to catch up, but what time we had was really nice.  Peter took this picture of the three of us...
 

And I attempted a few as well.  I picked this one to share because you can see his pretty blue eyes and his sweet smile!

His poor cheeks have had a heck of a time with eczema, but are hopefully on the road to recovery.  Having baby soft skin is hard!  But he is still such a smiley, happy boy!

After saying our farewells (and promising to get together over the summer), we headed back to the tournament's original venue for our last game.  We knew it would be a rough one, against the same team that beat us the previous day, but it was even worse because one of our better players had aggravated an injury and sat out.  That left us with a depleted lineup since we were already missing a couple kids that didn't make the trip, and the end result was a 30-point loss.  Jacob had two three-pointers, but that was about all he could muster.  The coaches were frustrating, one kid's dad yelled to the coaches to take him out because he was dogging it, and between mini-tantrums and injuries among the other players, it was a mess.  But at least it was over.  

Jacob had been hopeful that was it for this team, but he did have to go to practice tonight--although we're letting him miss a couple others this week since his feet are still bothering him--and there's a chance he'll be playing with them in a local tournament this weekend.  Of course, that was complicated by his favorite coach floating the idea of getting an 8th grade team together for the same tournament, but more than likely he'll need to stick with his team for now, if he plays at all.  He's definitely looking ahead to later this summer when he hopefully works with that coach long-term.  

Anyway, we finished off the trip with a stop at Dick's in Victor to get his new pair of sneakers, 24 hours late.  It was good to get home after that, though, because it had been a couple long, busy days.  We definitely did better on this trip, weird as it was, but hopefully we'll hit our stride just in time for a real vacation one of these days.