News & Notes, I Survived February Edition

February ends tomorrow.  On one hand, it would seem we're through the worst of the winter and can start looking ahead to spring (and sure enough, the weather is going to be above average warm for the next couple weeks), but on the other, that means we're only two weeks away from a year of this "new normal".  I feel like there's going to be some mild PTSD that goes along with reliving that time of year and reiterating that our lives have essentially been on hold for a full year.  I think spring would be a nice mental boost right about now, but the reality is that spring usually doesn't show its face around here until at least April, and even then it's a bit sketchy for a while.  We've had some sunny days (and even one over 50), which gives me hope, but I'm trying to keep things realistic so it's not yet another letdown.  The funny thing is that as I share the photos and videos below, it was in the upper 40s again today and there are giant patches of grass starting to emerge.  It's a far cry from last weekend!

After weeks of snow and cold, we finally started to get some sun last week in between minor snowfalls.  By Sunday the snow piles were huge but the snow was just starting to melt and become a bit more packable.  Carter and I played in the snow after church while the big boys were off to basketball.  I knew the forecast was going to warm up over the week ahead, so I figured it was our last chance to play in the best of the snow before it started to melt.  Even so, that day was in the 30s and I was able to make some headway on the glaciers in our driveway.  Everything around us was melting as we played.  We could hear water running through gutters where there weren't ice dams, and the neighbor's "ice sculpture" in their front foliage made little crashing noises every few minutes as chunks of ice melted off.

I discovered some unfortunate icicles on the back of our house (coming out of the soffit vents, which is never a good sign), but the ice damming on the back of the other neighbor's house was impressive.  Those icicles are almost to the ground!

Our patio doesn't look as impressive as it seemed as I walked through snow past my mid-shin in the middle of the yard, but you can see the deep drift next to the table, the foot of snow on and below the air conditioner, and that the moose that sits next to the lamppost is completely covered.  

Carter wanted to sled, so I suggested using the giant piles near the end of the driveway to sled.  He even extended his path across the sidewalk so he could sled farther.

 

I'm not gonna lie, this one cracked me up.  Note what he says at the beginning.  I think he was auditioning for his own TV show, or at least his own YouTube channel!

The snow piles were really high.  You can see from this one that it was about eye level for me, and even though Carter is lounging, it's still pretty high above him.  

We both climbed up on our piles, and look how high I am!  

I was towering over the basketball hoop (set at seven feet) and my eye level was definitely above the gutters on the house.  It was crazy.

I decided that since the snow was finally good for packing, I should make an effort to do a snowman.  I'm not sure I've ever done one myself (maybe once?), but regardless it's been a lot of years since I worked on one.  I usually leave that up to my dad, who is the pro!  Mine wasn't very big--I was trying to do it quickly, but he ended up cute!  Later Craig even threw a Knighthawks hat on him and leaned a lacrosse stick up against him to do a Knighthawks Instagram post.  I wasn't sure what to use for accessories beyond the hat and scarf (we have a ton of extras) and the baby carrot nose, so I used two extra black buttons and a giant rock vaguely shaped like an open-mouthed smile.  I had a heck of a time getting them to stay put in the snow, but we managed.  He did need some editing once the warmer weather hit, and even then it was short-lived before he toppled, but it was fun while it lasted!

Tuesday was a big day at the house.  Not only did our lawn mower come back from its mouse-nest-in-the-motor rehab after almost six months of waiting on parts (yeah, what's under the snow isn't going to be pretty since we never got that last mow in), but our new dishwasher got delivered!  I surprised myself when I looked back and realized that ours bit the dust all the way back around Halloween.  The part we fixed many years ago broke again, and it was just time to move on.  The only problem was that I was having a hard time deciding what I wanted, and once I figured it out, everything was out of stock or backordered.  I'd heard so many good things about Bosch, but most of them are way out of our price range.  But there were two models at my price point, both with great reviews, but they were backordered for months.  So I waited and did dishes by hand, all day every day.  I'll be honest, it was really starting to get to me.  I did it for a while the last time it broke, but for whatever reason, this time it was such a burden every night to know I had a full sink.  Sometimes twice a day, let alone if I baked or did anything extra.  So imagine my joy when I saw a Home Depot ad the one day and just clicked it to check again...and amazingly, they were back in stock!  I had to do some frantic checking with the plumber on extra parts we might need, but once that was clear, I eagerly ordered.  Delivery was only about a couple weeks off, and then our plumber was a lifesaver and worked an extra long day to get us in for installation that same day it was delivered.  Other than a couple hiccups with trying to figure out our breaker box (and him forgetting to turn the furnace back on as a result) and one issue with the kick plate that should get worked out when our kitchen gets its update, everything went smoothly.  

I am very relieved to have a new dishwasher that's not broken in a few places like our old one was for years--but it still washed dishes just fine, so we stuck with it.  I've only run the new one once (we're an every few days family), but so far so good.  It is SO quiet.  I almost wasn't sure it was running.  It is so nice to once again offload half of the dishes in my sink before handwashing the big stuff.  Of course, it's a totally different feel and a completely different loading process, which I am still figuring out, but it's a relief to have it done.  Oh, and the plumber also fixed our cranky garbage disposal that kept forcing water out of the pipe joint like a fountain, which was also a weight off.  Now it's just a matter of calling the contractors to get the kitchen update moving.  It really needs it.  I did a thorough cleaning of the kitchen last weekend to prepare for the installation (it needed it in a lot of areas, right down to my spice rack) and it made me realize even more how badly the update is needed.  So many areas of the kitchen are just worn, and I think the whole thing will feel so much better with an update.  It's not the update I really want to do, but the lack of an extra $50K in our bank accounts to rip out a wall and start from scratch says that's just not possible.  But I think light fixtures, countertops, paint, a sink, a faucet, and a backsplash will go a long way.  And if nothing else, it will help me hone in on anything else that stands out afterward as needing an update.

I'm realizing more and more that spending so much extra time at home over the last year has made me extra aware of the issues in this house and have definitely increased the urgency to fix them.  When you have to exist in a space nearly 24/7, shortcomings become painfully obvious and have more of a chance to grate on your nerves.  The funny thing is that when we moved in here, there was so much about this house that we loved, if only because it was better than what we had.  The kitchen was bright and more updated.  There was so much storage.  We had a bigger living room with a beautiful fireplace.  We had an extra basement hang-out space that wasn't completely removed from the rest of the house. We had a porch and a much better backyard.  But I think we got stuck in a rut for a while, where we initially we were happy with what we had, then we didn't want to make changes until we'd lived here for a while, and then we got busy with two kids.  We were saving money without having to do upgrades, and anything that wasn't perfect was still good enough.  We don't need fancy things, right?  But then we suddenly hit 10 years here and realized that things weren't as nice anymore and our tastes had changed.  The bright, cheery kitchen was now hopelessly dated.  Light fixtures felt boring and cheesy.  The bathroom needed help.  The basement paneling (which was once an ode to our groovy old basement bar) lost its charm compared to modern drywalled spaces.  I'm sure some of this coincided with too much HGTV, but part of that is just seeing that unfunctional, dated spaces can turn into something amazing and wanting that for your own home.  There's something to be said for putting your stamp on a place and having pride in it.  We did a lot of that stuff at our old house because it was needed, but for a long time it wasn't needed here so we let it go.  And at some point I think you start selling yourself short and forgetting that you deserve a little joy and pride and beauty.  It's time to rectify that here.

Yes, there are big things that bug me, for sure--the small kitchen, lack of closet space, and the extra small bathroom are at the top of the list--but those are less fixable and probably not worth it for resale value.  But if I can spruce up the kitchen, pick light fixtures that are more "us", and eventually start working through some of the other fixable things, I think I will continue to be happy here.  I guess for now any little change that we make is helpful in at least providing us some new scenery.  We've been staring at the same stuff for so long now (and so intensely for the past year) that any little update is refreshing.  Our living room furniture was a nice change shortly before the pandemic started.  Little changes in the yard over the summer felt good.  The bathroom was a nice boost in September.  The dishwasher brought joy this week.  That's probably why I'm so excited that our appointment to get rid of our old TV stand is just over a week away, and after that I can put together the new one that's been sitting in a box near our front door for weeks.  Something new feels so good in a time where there hasn't been a whole lot of "new and different". 

In the meantime, we're refinancing our mortgage.  Rates are low so we really to just need to suck it up and move forward.  Friday night was spent uploading documents--party party!  We almost considered going down to 10 years, but that payment was a bit steep.  So, instead, I think we can start making a good dent in it by paying additional principal--somewhere above what our new payment will be (very close to the old one) but less than what the 10 year would have been.  Because real estate is selling like crazy and the value of our house is up considerably from where we bought it, at multiple points I've wondered whether we should consider selling instead.  The problem with that, however, is that we'd have to buy a house in this same crazy market.  I do not want to deal with the crazy bidding wars everyone's getting into, nor do I want to find out this was some sort of bubble and end up underwater with our next mortgage when prices level out.  So, we'll just stay here and make it better instead.  Someday we may find out that two big boys and our small kitchen and bathroom don't work, but for now we'll survive.

In other news, Friday felt like a touch of normal.  After a morning of work Zoom meetings, I stopped into my office for a couple hours to grab a box of thank you gifts we're going to be sending out.  I needed to fold 250 bags and then drop them off at the mail house.  Well, when I got there I realized I was locked out of the office because the maintenance guy misunderstood when I was coming.  After wandering around the building a bit, I finally sent out an office-wide email to see if any of the handful of people squirreled around the building had a key to our suite, and sure enough, a couple did.  Whew!  

At my desk, I smirked at the site of our office mascot, Harriet the Naked Mole Rat, because we have left her in the seasonal attire she was in when the office closed and she's now officially back in season.  How she came to be our mascot is a long story, but basically the University did some research into naked mole rats (did you know they don't really get cancer?) and years ago someone was getting rid of a couple stuffed ones they must have used for events.  A teammate grabbed one to keep at her desk, and when she left, she bequeathed Harriet to me (since I was there when she grabbed her), and my boss and I contributed to her seasonal attire.  I think when I go back in past the year mark I'm going to update her finally.

As I sat at my desk, I was able to watch the live stream of Jacob's first basketball game of the season!  Basketball got the green light here a few weeks ago, which meant that Jacob could play modified basketball this year.  It's going to be an extremely short season, but it's nice for him to get his feet wet in the school realm.  It was exciting to see him in his first jersey, then to see him on the court he will hopefully play on for years to come.  And rushing off from work to pick him up from the game was a nice touch of normalcy, too.

Unfortunately, the team isn't very good.  They lost their first two games, the second by quite a bit.  Jacob scored nine points in the first and six in the second.  Not a bad start, and he's definitely one of the stronger players.  I have a feeling that the one thing keeping him from panicking is knowing that next year a good friend of his who's an amazing player is going to transfer to the school, and they should be a good pair in the years ahead.  Hopefully some additional good players come in by the high school years and they can get back to the glory days of the school's state championship (which included a future NBA player, but whatever!).  But it was cool seeing him out there playing for his school, even if it was just streamed.  Better than game two, which we couldn't see at all.  I hope someday we can be real spectators!  

I know I'm going to find myself wishing away this month to get to spring break, Easter, and warm weather, but the good news is that March is almost here and I won't be spending it washing dishes.  Hopefully this is the month we get Carter some help, get moving on the kitchen, and maybe even see a few more things get back to normal.

 

Playing in the Clouds

Back in October, a new exhibit opened at our local art gallery.  If you recall, I've mentioned the Memorial Art Gallery a lot in the past, from my own visits when I needed to destress to visits to the outdoor sculpture garden.  I had been meaning to get there for months, but between COVID and our completely different schedule these days, it just never happened.  Eventually I decided it had to happen over February break since the special exhibit is ending in March.  I figured it might be fun to bring Carter because I thought he'd enjoy one aspect of the special exhibit.  Jacob went to the gallery a couple years ago with school, and I figured he might be bored seeing it again, so I thought it might be a good time to share it with Carter.

It still took until Friday of break to make it happen, between my two work days, the weather, and managing other events, but we finally went right after lunch, right after a rushed trip to the library to pick up some new books.  Of course, I messed up because I was planning on bringing snow stuff with us to the museum so we could maybe play in the snow around the sculpture garden or maybe even find a sledding spot in the city, but somehow in our rush to make our scheduled ticket time I walked out the door without the bag of stuff.  Darn it.  So, it would just be a quick-ish trip (which is probably all he would have patience for, but still), but I had high hopes we'd have a good time.

Spoiler alert: We did!  You never know with Carter, as he's a complete wild card these days, but we genuinely had a good time.  I enjoyed pointing out sculptures outside the museum as we walked in, and got a kick out of this wrap on a pillar outside the front door.  In case I didn't mention it, the special exhibit is an Andy Warhol exhibit.  So of course the Campbell's soup can (highlighting the nickname of a long-gone twisted highway nightmare here in town) was appropriate.  

It probably resonated with me even more because the picture below was my first Andy Warhol memory.  This work hung in the Albright-Knox in Buffalo when I was a kid, and I think it stood out to me on our every-couple-year field trips because it was something very recognizable in a gallery full of very foreign concepts.  Who knew art could be out of something so common?  The soup cans (which I photographed here on a special trip back to the gallery on my birthday in 2014) were always one of the must-sees.

It was interesting walking through the gallery with Carter.  You never know what might resonate with him, and I figured it might be fun to give him some culture and share with him some of the fun things I learned on tours I'd had from docents over the past few years.  He liked some of the old masks and statues from old North and South American civilizations, and even humored me while I pointed out some personal favorites and other highlights among some of the paintings and sculptures.  One thing I love about the gallery is it changes pretty regularly in spots, so almost every time I go, I see something new.  Having a little buddy in tow made this even more true since he was sure to notice things I had not.  

This was a painting that I hadn't noticed before.  It was hung near one of my favorites, a woman crying cutting onions, and had similarly vivid colors and realistic details.  I especially liked the way the glass was painted, and the grapes were amazing.  

This was also a new one to me.  It was a bit more modern of a premise than most sculptures there, and while I don't even like boxing as a sport, I thought the form was really cool. 

After showing Carter a few more favorites, we got to the Warhol section.  Unfortunately, as with most traveling exhibits, no photos were allowed inside the gallery.  I wanted to try to remember the basic concept of the contents so I snuck this one.

There were lots of cool portraits (including a series that used glitter as a frequent accent), sections with animals, flowers, fruits, and a whole bunch of single soup cans.  There was even a series done by artist Keith Haring that used Warhol as its focus.  Carter wasn't impressed but they were colorful and neat to see.

We were allowed to take a selfie by this mural.

After that it was on to the main attraction, an immersive exhibit I had been thrilled to hear was coming.  Many years ago, near the height of my webcam fixation, the one site I frequented hosted webcams focused on Andy Warhol, including one near his grave.  That one actually still exists.  There was another one that confused me for a long time.  It just looked like a bunch of mylar balloons randomly moving around a room.  The image updated every few seconds, so it was still a little hard to figure out what was going on.  It was an exhibit called "Silver Clouds", and while I never entirely understood why they did a webcam there when it always almost looked the same, I eventually figured out the art aspect and the randomness intrigued me.  Well, imagine my surprise when I found out the Warhol exhibit was going to include "Silver Clouds", and we'd actually be able to play with them!  It turns out that they have a proprietary mix of helium and air to just float wherever the air currents (and people) move them.  There are a couple fans in the room to help things along.  In reality, it was pretty much as ethereal as I thought it might be.  

Obviously video will help you understand a bit better, so here you go...

As expected, Carter loved it.  I only had to tell him a couple times to bat them a little softer, but he very much enjoyed moving them around, usually near my head!

Since there was a limit on people in the room, I convinced him to move on when some people were waiting outside.  We wandered upstairs to some of the older art.  I was hoping he'd like the Egyptian room, the suit of armor, and one other little trick I learned from a docent.  There's a painting in the Dutch room that has a little optical illusion.  As the video starts, notice that the boot on the right (the guy's left boot) is pointing toward me.  As I move to the other side of the painting, guess where the boot is pointing now?  
 

 

Still at me!  It is such a cool illusion.  I do it every time I'm there and I've watched the video repeatedly, and I'm still not sure what it is about how it's painted that does that.  There's another one across the room that sort of does it with eyes, but I think that guy had a lazy eye that helps a bit.  I told my little Scooby-Doo fan that it reminds me of those paintings in Scooby-Doo where the eyes follow you around the room.  He liked that comparison!

He actually enjoyed my descriptions of some of the impressionist works and marveled at one painting that looks incredibly realistic--like photo quality.  The detail, right down to her toes and hair, is striking, even if the picture is sort of strange and the context unknown.  Carter really did have a great tolerance for my descriptions considering "old" stuff is generally not his forte.  He asked some good questions, too, mostly about how old things were or odd details.  

Another new work I noticed was this mirrored mosaic tucked in a corner.

The up-close detail was so pretty!

In the Renaissance room across the way, he did like the armor, and also noticed the swords and this very fancy gun.

Can't say it's something I would have noticed myself, but that's the joy of being a boy mom, I guess!

On the way back downstairs, we stopped back in "Silver Clouds" for a few more minutes.  How often do you get to play in the "playground" of a groundbreaking, long-deceased artist, after all?

A different kind of selfie

After that, we headed out.  The indoor courtyard just got redone with a single skylight (instead of three) in the last year or so.  It's so bright now, and I had to take a picture with the Warhol cow wallpaper in the background.

Even though I forgot to bring the snow clothes, we walked around for a few minutes outside.  It's not too often you get to experience things with this much snow (seriously, we definitely have had a solid foot-plus on the ground for a while, despite some sun-driven melting (since it has barely been above freezing at all for more than two weeks--until today, anyway) and compression.  My favorite little bulb-lit walkway was charming as ever.

We saw some interesting things at the front of the gallery, and I pointed out the little courtyard with the penguin sculpture that Carter loved when we visited when he was three.  I will forever love the picture of him hiding behind the penguin, and Carter actually got a kick out of the story, too.  The other sculptures we saw that summer day looked a bit different buried in snow.

However, the one thing I loved was how the tiny little bronze sculptures in that area (they're maybe only about six inches high, perched on the various larger concrete versions of themselves) looked buried in the snow.  These two kissing just above the snow caught my eye first...

And this little guy looked even more endearing than usual, as it looked like he was looking up while being tucked in his snowy blanket!

The post I linked to above has a picture of him in his normal state, if you're wondering...

I love the gallery so much, and being able to share it with a kid who actually tolerated it (and maybe even had fun) felt so good in the midst of this rather challenging existence of ours.  My good moments with Carter are so few right now, between phone battles and school battles and the fact that this mama is so tired of having a still-messy eater who is oblivious to the mess he leaves behind, no matter how many times I try to remind him to stay in his seat as he eats and look at his spot afterward.  We've enjoyed playing Mario Kart this week (for the most part--he's practically mastered it, by the way, and I'm still generally terrible), but things have really been a struggle and I am eagerly anticipating a call to finally schedule an evaluation so we can get this ADHD(+) train on the tracks.  There is zero doubt in my mind that he needs medication right now.  Things continue to get worse with transitions and forcing non-screen activities, and I'm just so tired of arguing.  Craig and I also struggle to agree on how to handle things, which isn't helping.  I could care less if the phone is gone and he's forced to get bored and play with toys, but Craig also bears the brunt of that complaining ("I'm bored.  Play with me, Dad!") so I think it's harder for him to not find loopholes for him to earn it back.  But how can he really earn anything back if the disrespectful behavior continues in between moments of sweetness?  He flat out refuses to cooperate for family therapy, so I know we need to take action before we can expect any therapy of his own to do any good.  It's exhausting, so getting a few hours like this to bond and play in a different way felt so good, in so many ways.

At least we had one more good run before break was over.  More on that next!  

An Island of Activity in a Sea of Blah

Having a kid with a birthday the day after a holiday (even a crappy Hallmark holiday) that happens to fall within some of the worst winter doldrums is actually a much better scenario than I expected when I gave birth the day after Valentine's Day eight years ago.  I was desperate to not give birth on Valentine's Day, hence my serious concern with how I felt when I woke up on the day before Carter ended up being born.  I legit thought I was going to go into labor that day after the worst night of sleep (worrying about going into labor) and an absolutely exhausting day.  I was actually shocked when I made it to bed that night, but thankful I would not have a Valentine's baby, which would have effectively ended any sort of romantic Valentine's Days for at least the next 18-22 years.  Of course, two kids who are a huge handful together pretty much did that anyway, but at least the possibility is there.  It would be nice to get back to that someday.

Anyway, we managed to have three whole interesting days in a row in the middle of February, which is pretty great, particularly given that interesting days are in extra short supply these days as it is.  Maybe it's four days if you count Carter's Friday.  He had a really fun day at school celebrating Valentine's Day and his birthday, complete with his goodie bag of Valentines and treats and a cupcake at lunch.  He was so excited to give me my Valentine's gift when we got home, too.

So cute!  It will definitely be added to my decor for years to come!

On Saturday, Jacob had a basketball tournament to finish off his fall basketball league that got canceled months ago.  It was only two games.  He was allowed two spectators but with Carter we're three, so I knew I wouldn't be going.  Instead, I decided to drive to Buffalo--for just a few hours for the second Saturday in a row--because my friend Heather was in town with my sweet godson.  Carter and I drove in late in the morning (no complicating weather this time!) and ended up having lunch with my parents in an actual restaurant.  It felt safe enough with tables blocked off and everyone else walking past wearing masks.  We all very much enjoyed our Moe's, and then I left Carter with my parents so I could go see the baby without my easily-bored companion to hassle me to leave.  

As usual, it was so nice to see the whole crew--Heather, Peter, Mason, and Heather's mom.  We always have plenty to catch up on, and of course Mason was such a cutie!  I was enjoying his content little mood under the baby gym when I got there.  I even got a few smiles--but of course I was trying to enjoy the moment and didn't grab my phone!  He got a little cranky after that and ended up napping for quite a while, until I had to leave.  So, I had to settle for a couple sleepy shots--one sleeping and one sleepy smile as he woke up a little as I took a few shots...

Those cheeks!

Also, Heather sent me these side-by-side shots afterward.  The left is Saturday, the right is right after Thanksgiving.  It's about a 2-1/2 month difference.  Can you tell he's doubled in size?!  So crazy!  But what a good job he's doing growing!  (Same for my hair, it appears!)

It's so amazing seeing an infant grow like this after being so many years removed with my own kids.  You forget how quickly it can happen.  It's going to be fun to watch, even from afar!

Right before Carter and I left to come home, my mom gave him his birthday gift from my parents.  Since we don't know when he'll have a party, and with break week ahead, I think it was a good call.  He got this ProjeX video projection target shooting game.  He had a blast (no pun intended) with it that night! 

The three different types of targets move into place and you and your opponent aim and shoot to get it first.  

He was really proud of his record of 20 targets on Sunday!

Valentine's Day was pretty low-key, but a pleasant day nonetheless.  The boys got me roses and chocolate, we got the boys assorted candies, and I got Craig a new puzzle - a 300-piece of The Office that he'd been eyeing up.  I got lucky enough to find it at Target the other night so I didn't have to order it and have it come late.  He put that together in the afternoon--much easier than The Simpsons one.  The boys mostly behaved, and I was able to get a little relaxing in in between grocery shopping, wrapping, and cupcake baking.  I even had a glass of wine.  I probably would have done more to celebrate the day if we weren't going to have special treats and meals the next day.

As for Carter's special day, I was really happy I took Monday off.  It made the weekend a bit more enjoyable.  I picked up a special breakfast for him when I shopped on Sunday.  He'd been asking for "the soft pancakes" for a while, here and there ever since his tonsil surgery two years ago.  I bought microwave pancakes then because I figured they'd be nice and soft for him since cereal was out of the question.  We have pancakes for dinner pretty frequently but apparently Eggo does it a little better!  He was very happy to get them for his special breakfast.

We got a little bit of a slow start in general that morning, and had to rush through gifts a bit because Craig was hopping on a call.

He was excited to get an accessory set for his Treasure X pirate ship he got for Christmas.

 

We had a little too much fun disassembling it.  You had to bang the bottle on a table until the rubbery bottom cracked and could be peeled off.  There was a tiny treasure chest and a squishy octopus inside.  We eventually figured out that we needed to snip a hole in the octopus (we could have tried to pop him but this just seemed safer) and squish out three pieces to an action figure.  They were wrapped up in slime, and the whole thing felt ironically similar to childbirth--from the tiny hole stretching to let out big pieces to the slimy mess!  The treasure chest had to be dropped in water, at which point it sent out bubbles and an orange powder, and then opened to pop out a tiny fish.  It was really cute and he will likely be getting another for Easter because that was fun!

He also got more Robux for Roblox, three books (two of which were free through cereal box points--maybe someday he'll appreciate them), and a Mandalorian Lego set.

For the last two gifts we shifted over closer to Craig, because I know he was excited for Carter to get this gift.  He first opened up Mario Kart for Wii, and then got two extra wheels.  He's wanted Mario Kart for a long time--I'm pretty sure every time he begged to go into GameStop he was hoping this was on the "sample" game system.    

During lunch I finished off cupcakes, since a cake will wait for his party.

Gotta use all of our spare sprinkles!

After lunch it was time to get Mario Kart up and running!  We played a bunch for the rest of the afternoon but there is definitely a learning curve!  We did have a really good time with just the two of us while Craig and Jacob were busy with basketball practice.

By 24 hours later, Carter was a total pro!  Craig and I can't seem to stop driving off cliffs and elevated roads.  Oh well.  We did his choice of Red Robin for dinner and then sang to him with a cupcake.   

Blowing it out!

We watched the movie of his choice to finish off the night, and that was about it.  Not the most exciting day, but a pretty good one nonetheless.  I think he's happy with his gifts (if the constant begging to play Mario Kart and ProjeX against someone is any indication) and hopefully we can figure out how to safely have a party at some point.  A year without a fun cake just doesn't feel right!

We almost had one more exciting day in a row because we were supposed to get a big storm with about a foot of snow on Monday into Tuesday, but we only got about 4-5 inches so it just meant more shoveling and a little more to play in for the kids.  It looks like the next winter storm that was supposed to hit is also now going to miss us.  It's just that kind of winter, I guess.  We have a couple places to go on Friday, so I suppose that's a good thing.  Only one more day off for me, unfortunately.  It's been a quiet week off (minus the fighting and yelling, of course), but maybe that's what we needed, at least if we couldn't get out of town for some excitement.  I'm just happy to be sleeping in a bit and not packing lunches for a few days.  But it's a bummer that basketball practice stopped us from going anywhere.  It's hard to believe Lent begins today and we're less than a month from the one-year mark of this crazy quarantine experience.  And still...one day at a time.  Just nice when you finally get a few exciting ones.

Eight

Dear Carter,

Oh man.  What a freaking year.  Last year I started your letter with, "Lucky Number 7!", and I'm pretty sure that couldn't have been more inaccurate.  Definitely not going with an "Eight is Great" theme this time.  Lesson learned.  

Little did we know last year at this time that our entire lives would change less than a month later.  At that point we had an inkling that COVID-19 was probably headed our way in some form, but we never could have imagined that we'd basically have lived "on-hold" for 11 months by the next time your birthday rolled around.  

It's been the hardest year for so many reasons.  We've been stuck at home with few opportunities to make good memories out in the world.  Your blossoming youth sports career, which probably helped manage some of the stuff we were struggling with even then, has been on hold.  We've had a little too much togetherness, which has made the issues with your brother even worse.  You were out of school for over five months at first, which was seemingly impossible, and then for the last six you've been home 3/5 of the time, which has been a whole other challenge with the slightly harder second grade work, additional assignments, and more structure.  But most of all, screens have become your life, and figuring out how to get you back to place of balance has proven challenging.  All of these things have nearly ruined our relationship, to be honest, but we haven't given up yet.

The screen thing was a snowball that turned into an avalanche.  It was already a struggle before the pandemic hit, but once you were home 24/7 and Dad and I were trying to work most of the day in between your schoolwork, the snowball started to roll downhill and get bigger.  On one hand, when we had work to do, we needed you occupied and away from your brother.  The screens did that.  On the other, the arguments when it was time to transition back to schoolwork (or anything else) were exhausting, so sometimes the effort didn't feel worth it. With all the pandemic stress, trying to adjust to working from home, and finding our new normal in almost every other area, admittedly there were times where we just needed the break, so we let you play.  But it became apparent within a few months that we had made a terrible mistake, even if we didn't actually know what else we could have done instead.  

A year later, you are clearly addicted.  It has affected almost every single part of your life.  It's all you want to do, even as most of your really cool toys sit idle.  It's all you talk about, other than maybe a couple stories from school after your twice-a-week visits.  It has made your brother even more agitated with you than before, simply because he feels compelled to stop you from being a "loser", which he's sure you will be if you don't get out of this rut soon.  It becomes clearer each day to me that the games and videos have worked your brain into a frenzy, and you're constantly seeking out the stimuli to keep up with it, hence the laps you run through the living room in the middle of your school work and class meetings.  You seemingly never stop moving until the moment you fall asleep at night.  It wasn't good before, but it's exhausting now.

You battle us over almost everything and you can barely transition out of any activity (screen or otherwise) without multiple asks.  You don't like criticism or being corrected, which is extra hard when we're responsible for 3/5 of your school work and that's part of the "teacher's" job to correct you.  You will talk jibberish over us when you don't like what we're saying, and you don't hesitate to physically fight your brother over pretty much anything.  Being your parent right now is SO hard.  Even harder because I love you fiercely and don't really know how to help you because so much of this pandemic has made so many things feel nearly impossible.  

I don't want to drag down your birthday letter with so many negatives, but this year has been unlike any other and I think it's important to be clear on what our reality has been.  We know you can't help a lot of this, and we know we've made mistakes, so this isn't the time to be laying blame--it's a problem we all need to solve together.  And anyway, this whole thing is new for all of us, and as a kid you are a super rockstar just for getting through these 11 months with any shred of normalcy.  You're definitely not alone in this struggle, because many kids have had a hard time grappling with the loss of the kinds of friendships and teacher relationships you're used to.  One day it just all went away, and I'd venture your coping (while questionable at times) was right up there with a lot of adults.  It wasn't easy, but you did it anyway, and here you are 11 months later still learning and growing under less-than-awesome circumstances.

I can't promise things will get dramatically better in the next six months, but I can promise you that we are going to fight for you until they do.  We've already started the ball rolling, and while we know it won't be easy and we won't fix everything right away, we are going to do what we can.  Even if we can take the edge off, sort of like we did with Jacob when he was eight, that might be enough to get us to a place where we can start to make small gains.  Less screen time, more toy time; fewer school arguments, more focus; fewer sibling battles, more loving family time.  As I told your teacher, there's a sweet kid in there somewhere, and we just have to find him.  

I think that's been one of the hardest parts of this for me--you were the absolute sweetest little boy ever.  You were a smiley kid, so loving and sweet.  You told me you loved me a dozen times a day and couldn't stop giving me hugs and kisses.  Now I'm lucky if I don't get a daily reminder that I'm the worst parent in the world.  With Jacob we almost always had an idea the road might be a little rocky, but with you things were strangely normal for so many years, so all of this caught us a little off-guard.  I didn't expect to be here with you--filling out scales, considering our options, fighting endless stupid battles--but now that we are, I know how important it is to fight our way through it.  We have a long road ahead, but you are worth it. 

I hope that years from now when I look back on this time, hopefully after working through some of these problems, that I'm more likely to remember the good times we had during this crazy pandemic.  Seeing the excitement on your face when you saw the Falls during our trip on the Maid of the Mist might have been my favorite moment of the entire year!  I also loved all of our little outings in the fall when Jacob had basketball.  You were always hesitant to go, and you sometimes had moments when you had enough walking, but I loved those times where you got on board and found the fun in whatever we were doing.  You protected me from a snake at Turning Point Park, loved the playground and made your own fun at Stony Brook, and hung in there even when we got a little lost in the woods at Hamlin Beach (but I loved finding rocks with you on the shore afterward)!  Those moments where you could just be my little buddy again, away from the screens and free to work off some energy, were so fun!  

At Stony Brook, maybe one of my favorite pictures of the entire year, mostly because of your smile!

Your creativity and attention to detail when it comes to your games and videos astounds me, and I hope some day this tech obsession serves you well.  Your crazy food concoctions (who knew everything could be made into a sandwich?!) definitely keep things interesting, and you have such enthusiasm for the things you love--and even if we don't share it, you do your best to try to bring us along anyway.  I hope that passion sticks around, but maybe we can channel it in some new, more diverse ways that will work all the different areas of your brain and expand those talents to other activities.  You're still a bit of an enigma to me--we're not quite sure where you're going or how you're going to get there, and even with so many of the same challenges your brother had, you still manage to be completely different in a million other ways.  You got dealt a tough hand with this pandemic hitting at such a pivotal time in your development, but I hope we can start untangling the puzzle a bit in the coming year and get back to the cool, fun, laid-back kid we once knew.  I hate arguing with you and I don't like there being distance between us.  It's so hard for my mama heart to battle you day and day out, after all we've been through.  You'll always be my baby, like it or not, but I'm so amazed by the big kid you've grown into.  It's a long way from the tiny, hairy, "suntanned" baby they put on my chest eight years ago today, but my love has grown right along with you.  Just like you, it is now extra big and a force to be reckoned with.  I pray for a better year ahead, for all of  us.  I love you so much, bud.  Have a great birthday!

Love, 

Mom (a.k.a Bob)

News & Notes, S-No More Edition

After having a winter with almost no snow or extreme cold, we've now officially gotten our fair share.  We're still about 20 inches behind normal, but it's been a few solid weeks of snow and mostly bitter cold.  It was 11 degrees when I took Carter to school this morning, and I'm pretty sure it has snowed a little bit almost every day for weeks.  We did have some sun in the middle of all that, which not only offset the cold a little but helped the snow go down, too.  But we still have a good amount on the ground and it's mostly been too cold to make an effort to really enjoy it.  And, of course, more is on the way.  Interestingly, we haven't been getting hit with huge storms--just a few inches here and there with a couple 4+ inch hits.  Meanwhile, areas downstate have gotten a foot or three at a time.  I found a photo in my parents' albums from what appears to be the second-to-last amazing snowfall we had at our old house back in early 1984.  I feel like that was how I remember snow being almost all the time as a kid, and yet we hardly ever have anything that interesting anymore.  

Up to the bottom of the grill!

The snow piles are one thing, but check out the drifts on the houses behind us!

Of course, this week's Facebook memories brought up the crazy snowstorm we had when I was precariously pregnant with Carter, a solid foot and a half with Craig on the road twice in a few days.  That was scary.  But it was still quite a rare event among the last few years.  

Our poor tree was so bent over!  It recovered its height but I guess we'll never know if it contributed to the fungal infection it got not long after.

It was so deep and so heavy on the branches. Look at the pine trees in the back!

I guess between climate change and being in a slightly less lake-effect-prone area than my childhood years, it's quite possible things are just different now.  I keep thinking this would be a good year for a big storm just because we're not really going anywhere anyway and if school is canceled we are perfectly fine to just sit home since work isn't an issue either.  This week would actually be perfect since school is off anyway, and it turns out we could get up to a foot early in the week!  But we're hitting my threshold after which snow officially starts getting annoying and more unwelcome--Valentine's Day--and I will be imminently starting my countdown to better weather.  March isn't that far, and while it's rare any good weather actually shows up then, it at least makes it more of a possibility.  This year it could be more important than ever since the outdoors provides an extra level of not just freedom, but safety.  On the bright side, I'm not completely disgusted by winter yet, but I can tell I'm rapidly getting there after this extended run.  It's reminding me a little of the endless nature of Rochester's (literal) coldest month ever back in February 2015 when I was unemployed and spent much of my time shoveling out and braving the cold for school pickup.  The snow never got a chance to melt and I forgot what it was like to walk out the door without cringing.  We're not far off from that if this keeps up, but at least masks are an extra barrier against the cold!

I promise the rest of our house does not look like this, but this one is impressive!  At least the bushes were supporting the weight!

 

In other news...Around the time of my last post I went on a couple mini-rampages around the house to do some cleaning and organizing.  The weekend prior to the post I did a major scrub-down of my dressers, which tend to get a lot of dust that's hard to clean out without taking all of the various items on top off.  Plus my dresser where my makeup lives tends to get pretty gross with powder and splatters.  I felt so much better when it was done.  In the process, I decided it was time to toss the handful of roses on one dresser that I had collected from various family funerals.  At this point I had forgotten whose was whose, and they were starting to break apart and leave a mess.  I felt grateful I hadn't added to the pile in a couple years, but I decided to take a few pictures to remember them and then let them go.  

This one was still so pink!

Little did I know at that time that my aunt was living her last moments down in Florida.  She was married to my mom's brother, and after he passed away a few years ago, she ended up distancing herself from most of the family.  Ironically, my mom and I both found out about her passing via Facebook a few days later when our friends-of-the-family nursing home posted the obituary online.  There were some step-kid dynamics that probably made the family situation worse, but even my parents struggled with how to proceed at the time.  She spent a lot of time more recently out of town with her daughter's family, which was probably for the best anyway since her health was never quite the same since my uncle started his downward slide with Alzheimer's.  I'm glad she had family nearby at the end, and it looks like they crammed in some fun while they were down there, on the days she felt good.  While family dynamics and some sketchy weather made me question whether I should go to the funeral, I decided that despite those challenging last few years, she had been my aunt for far longer, so I wanted to make it a priority to go.  I actually had to delay my trip a little bit on Saturday, simply because there was a pretty decent lake effect event happening that day.  Areas on my route ended up with a foot, and even my parents got a pretty decent helping of snow.  I managed to miss pretty much all of it, aside from some residual messy roads when I got into town.  But I did see the impressive lake band as I drove in, and luckily it just ended up being some clouds when I finally drove into it.

Sunny where I was but the band was looming!

Sunset happening through the clouds

The visitation was pretty quiet--probably a lot of reasons for that, not the least of which is that funerals haven't really been a thing for months due to COVID and people are likely still a little nervous even though some limitations have been reduced.  It was good to see some family and be there to share my sympathies with her kids and grandkids.  The service was very nice, and after a little visit back at my parents' house (with a final check of the radar), I was back on the road and made it home around 11pm.  I'll always remember my aunt's fiery red hair, our times on their boat (where I was always a little impressed that her red hair remained in place so well), and how much she seemed to enjoy opening Christmas gifts from my grandma.  Closing a chapter on that section of the family's history definitely brought up old emotions surrounding the loss of my uncle, and I found myself a bit dumbfounded at how a couple who seemed primed to be amazing retirees flamed out so early.  They were both able to retire comfortably and relatively young, and spent most of their time on their boat or cruising the Caribbean (many times with my parents).  They were both active and social at the time, but their various health problems changed all that, and to this day it's hard to believe they're both gone.  But I was thankful to have a chance to say goodbye.

The following day, a long-awaited, snow-delayed delivery arrived at home.  For whatever reason, Craig had been actively wanting to get a puzzle.  We even did a family Target run the previous weekend while picking up our Saturday take-out, to no avail.  But eventually we found one that fit the bill online, in price, theme, and size.  It's a 1,000 piece puzzle of hundreds of Simpsons' characters, which seems extra appropriate with all the Simpsons episodes we've been watching for the last year.  After waiting through multiple delays, it finally arrived, and we got to work pretty quickly.  Craig couldn't stay away from it, and the rest of us put in some solid work as well.  By Wednesday, it was complete!  We left the last 10 pieces for Jacob to put in when he got home from school.

Early stages

Making progress

Jacob after putting in the last piece

The finished puzzle

Now we're on to finding the next one, I guess!

The last week of school and work before break next week ended up being a bit of a roller coaster.  Carter had some good days of getting his work done quickly, and he had some struggles and more phone arguments than I care to remember.  I did manage to get a screening call to finally get him in for an evaluation.  I'm hopeful they can help him, but I did say that I think we may need to medicate him (or at least find out exactly what might be going on with him) before we even think about therapy, since we know from experience that he hates being confronted about his issues.  It'll be a waste of time and money until we can get him to a point where he can begin to deal.  We'll hear more about next steps within a week or so.  He also has his well visit this coming this week so hopefully we'll get some additional insight there.  It's been a long road and we just want to get him some help, ideally before the end of the school year.  I think we all need to see the difference that could be made before summer hits.  

As for Jacob, he was excited to start modified basketball on Monday, but initially he was a little frustrated by the quality of the team (what else is new?).  But just as his outlook started to improve, he had to miss practice due to a bit of a school punishment.  He ended up with a day of in-school suspension (which also meant he basically missed a practice and a half) because he ended up shoving a kid that was picking a fight with his friend/teammate.  Ultimately we weren't mad at him because we knew he was trying to do the right thing--and in fact I think school felt a bit bad punishing him for the same reason--but he probably just kind of got stuck in some sort of school zero-tolerance policy.  We talked a bit about needing to get a teacher involved instead, or just pulling his friend out of a situation if he could.  We also reminded him to consider his friends carefully since this one seems to attract some trouble.  Not that he should ditch him, but just keep an eye on things and maybe steer clear if things seem to be going south so he's not getting additional marks on his record.  Anyway, now that that's behind us, we're just waiting to see when his games might start.  In the meantime, he has a tournament tomorrow to finish off his canceled fall season at the gym where he usually plays.  I won't get to see him, but it's been so long since he's played a real game that I hope it's at least a good warm-up for him.

Now we're looking forward to February break week.  I took a few days off since it's torture sitting at my desk when everyone else is around.  I had hoped maybe we could escape to do a tubing trip, but basketball practice seems to have put the kibbosh on that.  But we will get to celebrate Valentine's Day and Carter's birthday, and hopefully we can think of something else fun to do in the meantime, if the snow allows.  Different week, same scenery, but we'll try to make the best of it!