Thursday, September 13, 2012

Letters to Baby #5 - July 13, 2012

Dear baby-to-be,

Well, we're done with our mini-vacation and we've been back home for a couple days now.  And boy, do I feel awful.  I don't feel awful ALL the time, but most of the time I just feel a little off.  I've been very tired, which has made the last couple days at work very difficult.  I don't like feeling like I have to lay my head on my desk and rest a few minutes...but yet, I have to.  I really have to work on getting to bed earlier!  I've had some minor nausea issues, too.  It seems like if I get too hungry, it gets worse.  So, I am finding myself constantly snacking on something.  I need to get a better plan together so I'm not stuck eating everything in the candy jar on my desk!  I never did get sick last time I was pregnant, but I remember this feeling sticking around for a month or so.  It was hard enough last time, but this time I have your big brother to take care of, too, so reality is definitely setting in a little bit.  Two is going to be different. 

After your brother was born, I remember thinking how much easier it was having him living in my belly, where he pretty much took care of himself.  So...right now it's easier having you in there, and I'm already starting to wonder how I'm going to function when I'm sleep-deprived, physically exhausted, and managing the schedules of two kids, one husband, and my job.  It is scary, but I survived the first time around and I hope I can this time, too.  I have a sneaking suspicion having you around will be worth it.
 
It's hard being exhausted and not feeling great, and not being able to tell anyone why.  Getting through a work day is hard, and I'm trying to be as functional as I can both there and at home.  It's not easy, though, and I worry about how my work might suffer.  I'm also trying to find ways to spend quality time with your brother without having to exert much energy.  Turns out the new iPod I got does a good job of that, since we can cuddle on the couch and play games together.  Still, part of me wants to run out and tell everyone the news—partly because it's great news, and partly because I want them to know why I might not be my normal self. 

We probably have another month and a half before we're OK to start sharing the news with more people.  In the meantime we'll probably tell a few people as the opportunity arises—close family and friends, mostly.  We told Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle John, and Aunt Kristin at the end of our vacation, and then we told a good friend of mine on our trip home since I probably won't see her in person for a while.  She was one of the last to find out last time (by email, no less!) so I felt like I needed to tell her now, while I had the chance.  But for the most part we'll be quiet about it until we get closer to the “safe zone” at the end of the first trimester.  The end of summer will come soon enough, so I don't want to rush it despite the obvious excitement to come.  In the meantime, we have next week's ultrasound to look forward to, and hopefully everything looks good.  There's always a risk that it won't, and I'm just trying to prepare in case the news isn't what we hoped.  I'.m hoping that the fact that I'm not feeling great indicates that all of the hormones are doing what they're supposed to, but it's always still a little scary.

It's probably all in my head, but I swear I'm already starting to feel fatter—or at least, my body seems to decide that the second it's pregnant, it doesn't want to suck in my stomach at all.  We'll see if I can make it to the end of the first trimester without having to tell people because my belly is getting obvious.  It took me a long time to show last time (about halfway), but I hear you show earlier with each pregnancy and I've heard more and more about people having to tell early because they couldn't hide it anymore.  We'll see how that goes.  Let's hope I can hide it in the meantime.

Well, time to head off to bed.  It's a weekend night, but I need to start practicing going to bed at a reasonable time.  I have a long day alone with Jacob tomorrow, so I'll need whatever energy I can get!  Hope all is well in there!  Keep cooking and I'll talk to you soon!

Love,
Mommy

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