Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Too little of a rush?

Now that I'm getting a little farther along, people are starting to ask if I'm ready for the baby to be born. In essence, am I getting uncomfortable enough that I'd rather the baby was here already? The answer is a pretty solid "no" right now, for a lot of reasons. Part of me is a little worried that it's a little too solid, but I'm hoping that's just because of all the other reasons. I mean, first of all, I haven't had any showers yet so we have NOTHING for this baby...no crib, no diapers, no clothes, no nothing. That will change in the next four weeks or so, with three showers on the schedule. I think that once we start getting some of that stuff, it will not only help us prepare physically, but mentally as well. It's tough to feel ready when nothing about your home screams "baby". Within another month we'll probably have so much stuff to sort through that we won't know what to do with it all, and I think the process of dealing with all of that will help.

While I'd like to think I'm just being content and doing my best to savor every moment of pregnancy, I know that much of the reason I'm not rushing things is motivated by pure fear. As I've mentioned many times, we're going into this pretty unexperienced. On top of that, I don't think we've ever really been one of those couples that was like, "We're sooo ready to have a baby!" We've had to work up to it a bit. We knew we wanted kids one way or another. We had our fears of inexperience and reservations about Craig's crazy work schedule, but we basically just got to the point where we didn't want to keep waiting to feel more ready. We just sort of hoped that we'd get there by the time the baby was born. I know that sounds a little casual considering it's a big, life-changing decision, but rest assured that we wouldn't have done this if we didn't think we'd actually get to that point. I'm still hoping that when this baby is born I am bestowed with the maternal instinct I haven't had up to this point. So yeah, there's definitely fear as far as the practical stuff goes, as well as all that mind-blowing emotional stuff...like constantly worrying about your child, your life never being your own again, etc. Like the whole labor thing, part of me doesn't even want to go there for fear it will completely freak me out. I'd rather just deal when the time comes than worry myself like crazy. On the practical side, going to our childcare (and eventually childbirth) classes will probably also move this preparation process along, helping us feel a little better prepared to take care of a baby.

So while I feel a little bad that I'm not one of those, "I wish I could meet the baby right this second" people, I'm getting there. Each kick makes me more curious about what's going on in there, and who's doing all that kicking. However, I am perfectly content to enjoy the next couple months of nice weather and savor what's left of Craig's and my life as just the two of us. The baby needs all the time it can get inside me, too. If all of this really is just a lot of fear, hopefully I can channel that energy well in the meantime and get it out of my system (enough, anyway) by the end of June. And then we'll just take it as it comes!

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