Tonight Craig and I had our first real date night. The only other time we'd left Jacob with a baby sitter to spend time together was when I was in Lois' wedding and we took my cousin Lori with us for the weekend. Tonight Craig had a work function, going to see Sugarland and Kellie Pickler (of American Idol fame) in concert. Lori and my Aunt Lynne tag teamed the baby sitting, with one taking the early shift and one the late shift. Thank goodness for local family, because I don't know or think I could trust some teenage girl from the neighborhood. Since we leave Jacob at day care all day, a baby sitter (particularly family) probably isn't that much traumatic, except that it's in your own house so ultimately you're responsible for the rules. It was a bit of a rush to get home from work, pump, get a bunch of notes together about where things are, what to do if he freaks out, etc., get ready, and get out the door. We finally did it (albeit 15 minutes late), and ended up having a really good time at the concert. We ate too much, drank a bit (two beers...hours ago, so the pumping I just did (desperately needed) should be a-ok), and hung out. It was nice to just be out as a couple again.
However, I REALLY missed Jacob. I thought about him all night, texted Lori a few times to check in, looked at his picture on my phone, talked about him a bit, and just generally missed him like crazy. I think under normal circumstances an evening away would be fine. It's just that when I haven't seen him all day, missing an evening with him is tough. Every day I wait to get out of work so I can go home and see him, and today I got about 30 seconds of quality time among my rushing around after work. I went in to kiss him good night when we got home, but I didn't want to linger too long or caress him too much for fear I'd wake him up. I couldn't help but laugh, though, that his hand was somehow up in the air from the elbow up. Who sleeps like that?
It makes me wonder if we're ever going to be able to take a romantic vacation alone without our minds constantly drifting back to Jacob. It's hard enough getting over the fear of leaving him in someone else's care for an extended period of time...worried about him getting cared for as you would do it, hoping he doesn't forget you or resent you...but the emotions involved in not being involved in his life every moment make stuff like this tough. Tonight was probably the first night since the hospital where I haven't put him to bed. I think even with the wedding he was up for a late feeding when we got back.
I guess I didn't anticipate missing him that much, but I really did. The good news is that I have two full days with him coming up. Of course, I will have to share him on Sunday since my parents and a bunch of family members are in town for our family Oktoberfest, but we should still get a significant amount of time together. I can't wait. But first I need a good night's sleep...apparently you can get out of practice of being out late. I am beat!
Have a nice weekend!