Let me say it right off the bat...parenthood is exhausting. It can be frustrating at times, and I'm sure that's made that much worse by sleep deprivation. I won't lie...hearing Jacob screaming at 3am isn't my favorite part of the job. When he screams inconsolably from hunger despite having eaten an hour earlier (like our past few evenings), it can get incredibly frustrating. I'll admit I like when he falls asleep during the day because it means I can either fall asleep with him, or get some stuff done around the house. Dragging him out on errands is tough because the carrier is so heavy...like today, when a quick run to the doctor's to drop off paperwork and to the post office for a couple things took way longer than it would have pre-baby just because I had to pull him out of the car each time. Darn those people who leave their kids in the car for hours on 90 degree days and ruin it for the rest of us who would love to do it on cooler days for one minute (Does that make me a bad parent that I would even think of doing it?). The diaper blowouts and spit-up episodes can be trying, and there are days I half wish we could go back to the old days, where we could go out to dinner on a whim and not worry about what to do with a screaming baby in a restaurant.
But parenthood definitely has its better moments. Jacob is getting cuter by the day, and I can tell we're on the cusp of real smiles sometime soon. Once in a while he smiles when he's not falling asleep (the only time he'd really done it previously, other than passing gas), though it's not based on any stimulation so I think it's still just a reflex...but it's progress. And he seems to be getting this bright look on his face more often, like he realizes who he's seeing and is happy to be there. He's adorable when he falls asleep, and even his faces while he nurses are cute. He has his cuddly moments, which are great, and we're both looking forward to when he's willingly cuddly. Sometimes I just look down at him and marvel that we created him. Babies are truly miracles...that with minimal human intervention, babies start out as a single cell and generally come out perfectly formed. Amazing. And ours has the added bonus of being incredibly cute! It's funny...I go back and forth between seeing this tiny little baby and a big boy. There are times I look at him and he still looks so little...but then other times I can't believe how much bigger he is compared to when he was born. It makes me realize all the more how fast kids grow. Even over the course of a couple weeks things can change so much! It's been quite the adventure so far, and I know it's only going to get more interesting!