Wednesday, July 2, 2008


Sleep is an amazing thing. It's really surprising how getting some can dramatically alter your attitude and energy level. More amazingly, the amount of sleep we're talking about would barely render me functional before...although I suppose it doesn't take a high level of functioning to feed and change a baby and watch TLC all day. Not exactly brain surgery. But having sleep helps me do that stuff with a much better attitude than I would otherwise. Last night I fed Jacob between 11 and 12, and then went to bed. He was up again for an hour around 3, and then for another hour or so around 6:30, but then I got to sleep in until 9:30. I suppose that was merely equivalent to one good nap during the day, but for whatever reason it really helped.

I've decided that lack of sleep now manifests itself in different ways than before. I do tend to get extra tired around 9pm or 10pm, which makes evening TV watching a little hit or miss these days, but being tired seems to show up in more subtle ways. In some ways that's good, because I still manage to keep up my energy during the day, no matter how tired I am. However, it's also bad because it sneaks up on me and clobbers me before I even realize what's happening. That's how it was when I had my mental breakdown when Jacob was still in the hospital, and it seems that any frustrating moments I've had since then have also spawned from being overtired. Having a baby is stressful, but going through all of that tired can really make things extra difficult. It's a delicate balance, because no matter how tired you are there's still a baby to take care of, and when the baby's crying it's tough to get sleep. However, there's a point where you cease to be an effective parent, and hopefully you can find a way to get the recovery you need to bring yourself back to functionality. Craig is off for the weekend (other than one thing he has to do tomorrow evening), so it will be nice to have a little extra backup over the next few days. He can't do the middle of the night feedings, but he can get up and comfort Jacob when I've already been trying for an hour and am running on fumes. When he's working I feel a little bad asking him to do that, because I know how hard it would be to get up and be functional at work on such little sleep. Going back to work will definitely be a challenge, but luckily I still have another 4-1/2 weeks to figure all that out.

I hear some cries from the other room, so I'm off...

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