Monday, February 18, 2013

The Hardest Night

Our second night in the hospital turned out to be quite a challenge.  The day actually went pretty well considering we were on our own after my parents left with Jacob and Craig headed off to work.  I captured this adorable picture--totally not posed, by the way...

And this one showing his loooong fingers and raggedy newborn nails...

And this one where he came back from his circumcision and bath looking like a perfect little burrito...

Carter and I hung out while we watched Craig's 200th straight broadcast on the internet, and turned in for the night at a reasonable time.  Suddenly, he decided he wanted to eat.  Repeatedly.  I think I tried feeding him three times in a couple hours and he still wanted more.  He kept crying and would not be comforted.  Not only did I think there was nothing left in there for him, but I was sore and beyond tired after not sleeping much the night before...to the point that I was afraid I'd fall asleep trying to feed him.  I tried so hard, but it was becoming apparent that I couldn't do what I needed to do for him.  Craig didn't sleep there that night since he had to go home and grab some stuff anyway, so I was lacking an extra pair of arms as well, which would have given me a little while to get some sleep.  So, I did the only thing I could do--I called the nurse and asked her to take him to the nursery.  I explained my predicament, and she understood.  She asked if I wanted them to supplement with some formula while he was there.  I told her that while I preferred they not do it, I fully understood if they had to if he wouldn't calm down.  We went through that mess with Jacob and I could not make myself crazy like that again.  My sanity was more important than breast milk vs. formula.  So, she whisked him off sometime after 2am, and I teared up at the time because I felt like I had failed.  But I couldn't let myself get caught up in that feeling because I had to focus on actually getting some sleep.  That was the one thing that could make me a better mommy.  The nurse brought him back around 6am.  I was totally discombobulated when I woke up--I guess I was really tired--and it took a bit to gather myself and get ready to feed him again.  But I did feel way better, and apparently he calmed down in the nursery and they didn't have to supplement.  It all worked out in the end, but it made for a rough night.  

Most nights since have been pretty similar.  Carter appears to have his days and nights mixed up.  I tried in vain to keep him awake today, but barely saw his eyeballs until around dinnertime when he first got to meet his Bacie and Dziadziu (Craig's parents).  He got drowsy again after that, and just as we finished his final feeding and diaper change before bedtime, now he's laying here next to me, eyes wide open, while I pump.  My milk appears to have come in, but it's a bad combo with the fact that he's so tired all the time and doesn't really want to finish a feeding. I am thinking I want to go back and chat with the lactation consultant at the hospital, who never got to see him latch thanks to two instances of crappy timing. He's definitely getting something, but I don't think his latch is very good for me, at least.  He just doesn't want to open wide enough, so it makes things a little sorer than I'd like.  I know it hurts at the beginning regardless, but I'd rather work out any bad habits now.  The drowsiness may be a side effect of jaundice, which was a minor concern when we were discharged yesterday.  His first pediatrician appointment isn't until Wednesday, but I need to keep an eye on his coloring and make sure it doesn't travel too far down his torso.  He's pooping like a champ so I'd have to think he'll be fine, but it all makes me a little nervous and I'm eager to get answers or suggestions from anyone who can help with either issue--nursing or reversing his schedule.  I'd like to see his eyeballs during the day instead of being up all night with him.  Last night he was up through two straight feedings, and I had to call in Craig, who worked part of the day today, to help out.  I hate doing that when I'm on maternity leave, but I was losing my patience.  Tonight will probably be more of the same based on what I'm seeing at the moment, but I'm hoping that the "real" milk will keep him more satisfied.  

Time to head to bed.  Wish us luck!

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