Here is a picture of the view at my desk...
From left to right and top to bottom, the pictures are as follows:
1) Craig and Jacob on the baseball field in Batavia when Jacob was two...one of my favorite pictures ever!
2) Jacob's most recent school picture...such a big boy!
3) Jacob from two summers ago, baseball glove in hand
4) The three of us on a hayride at the pumpkin patch in October 2011
5) Jacob when he was just a couple weeks old, the same pic I used in his birth announcement
6) My entire family from this past summer's trip to Massachusetts
7) Craig's entire family from the day his parents renewed their vows for their 40th anniversary this summer
8) Craig and me on the turf after the Knighthawks' championship last May
As you can see, there's a prevailing theme--Jacob is in all but one of those pictures. But it struck me today that I need to make room for a new face on that wall. A new baby involves making room in a lot of ways--in our house, in our schedules, in our arms, in our hearts, and in our picture frames. We've done pretty well so far with the house, and are looking forward to making room in our arms. The hearts and schedules will come as soon as he arrives, no doubt. The picture frames are easy, but I think they're representative of the larger challenge of adding another child to the mix. How do you pick which pictures stay and which ones get replaced? How do you pick how much time you spend with each child? How do you have enough room in your heart for both? It seems impossible at times.
When I think about how tiring life is on a daily basis with one child, I can't imagine how it will be with two. I was thinking today about the timeless debate about what's harder--going from no kids to one, or one to two. Everyone has their own opinion, and I assume the results differ depending on the age of the older child. We're obviously out of the baby stage, so on one hand we've got a more independent child and won't have two completely dependent kids, but on the other hand we're out of the baby stage enough that going back is going to be a challenge. The best I could figure in my head today is that going from no kids to one is like going from zero to 50, and having a second kid at this point is like going from 25 to 65. Having a new baby for the first time is a complete life change, hence the zero to 50. But we've had plenty of time to adjust, and having an independent child allowed us to dial it back a bit, hence the new starting point of 25. But adding a new baby takes us back up to 65...maybe not as much of a jump as the first baby, but having two kids ups the ante overall. Maybe not as huge of a life shift as the first time, but harder overall because two kids is a ton of work. Finding the time, energy, and love for two is one of my biggest fears about this whole experience.
The wall space in my office may be limited, but we have lots of walls at home...so it's definitely time to get creative and find new ways to make room in our lives for two amazing little boys.