Friday, May 2, 2008

In a retrospective mood...

Craig and I went to see 27 Dresses tonight. The cheap theater is such a great thing...we both got in for the price of half a normal ticket. Anyway, it was a cute movie. Predictable in some ways, but that's what romantic comedies are all about, isn't it? In case you're unaware, the movie is about a woman who's been in 27 weddings--none of them her own--and her crazy, crooked path to her own true love. I've only been in two weddings besides my own, with one coming up, and I've never had to hold up the bride's dress while she peed (nor did anyone have to do that for me--I still consider it a small miracle that I didn't have to go from the time I put on my wedding dress until the time I took it off that night...either that or dehydration masked by adrenaline), but it was still fun. Still, it made me think back to my wedding day and how long ago it seems. In some ways, of course, it doesn't seem like it was that long ago. I can't believe it's been almost five years. However, we've crammed a lot into those five years, so sometimes it feels like I've been married forever (and I swear, that's not a bad thing). It was such a great day. Everyone should have that day where they feel like a princess, or at least the prettiest girl in the room.

Not surprisingly, that prettiest girl in the room feeling is a little extra far away these days. Not that I don't feel attractive at over 7 months pregnant, because I know I'm still looking pretty good, but let's face it...this belly is a long way away from the cute 24 year old in the pretty white dress. It's just more proof that life is a journey, and the scenery is always changing. Obviously our lives are going to get infinitely more complicated in the next couple months. It'll be considerably harder to do anything spur of the moment...even a nice little date night like we had tonight. We've probably had less of these than most couples, just because of our crazy work schedules for all those years, and now we'll have to plan ahead and find a babysitter and get over our guilt for leaving our baby home for an evening. It's definitely not going to be easy. I'm pretty used to keeping myself busy on weekends when Craig's working by running random errands and taking little shopping trips, but that will get considerably harder with an infant whose schedule and disposition won't necessarily match up with how I'd like mine to be. Even my beloved girl weekends are at risk. At least a couple times a year I'd get together with my two best friends from college for a little shopping, chick flick watching, and reminiscing. We haven't had one of those weekends with all three of us in almost a year thanks to crazy schedules on all sides, and despite my best efforts to try to get one set up sometime in the next couple months, I'm getting worried that our last girls weekend for a long time took place 11 months ago without our knowledge. We'll still have the aforementioned upcoming wedding in September to see each other, but obviously that's not going to be our usual weekend spent shuffling between the mall and the couch. Who knows when things will be settled enough for me to get away for a weekend like that again? I guess everyone's lives change, to the point that even good friends can't find a couple free days for each other. Sad, isn't it?

I know that priorities change, and bringing a baby into this world willingly accelerates that process a bit. I also know that having kids is one of the most rewarding things that a person can do. But there are definitely moments where I'm worried I'm going to miss the old me, with my old life and my old freedoms. That's probably been one of my biggest (selfish) concerns in this whole process. You just never know how you're going to deal with change, and I suppose tonight is one of those times when I'm a little less optimistic. Maybe it's just the hormones talking. Or maybe I'm just in need of a little girl time to escape from normal life for a couple days. Not much I can do about either right now, so hopefully my busy weekend this weekend will take my mind off everything and remind me how lucky I am right now. I already know it, but every little bit helps :)

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