Monday, March 2, 2015

How Things Change...and How They Stay the Same...

This morning I was changing the sheets on Carter's bed, and for whatever reason it made me think back to when there was a tiny baby in that crib.  Two years ago right now I had a two-week-old baby and was probably exhausted but in love with that tiny little guy.  I dug back into my archives (both the blog and my photos), and realized that today was the anniversary of the day I took a size comparison photo of the boys (more on that in a bit).  My parents were in town so we were trying to get pictures of them together.  We got this painful little number that took way more forcing that I care to admit...

I also captured this sweet little picture of my tiny baby boy...
I thought he was so cute at the time, but that's nothing compared to the cuteness that would emerge later!  Looking back, he was still definitely in the frog-alien baby phase.  A cute frog-alien baby, of course...

Back then I wondered how much longer we'd have to deal with Jacob's dislike of his brother and the cranky attitude we were dealing with all the time.  Turns out, we've been dealing with it for two years.  Yuck.  I said to Jacob the other day, "Do you realize you've been angry about this for two whole years?"  I can't imagine living with a grudge like that for so long.  No wonder he's miserable a lot of the time.  I wish I could get him to let it go.  He'd be a much happier kid if he just embraced the brotherhood and stopped wishing his brother would disappear (and yes, he does still talk about that).  They have tiny little moments where it seems like something's clicking.  But then Carter touches Jacob's stuff or tackles him, and the moment is over.  We're hoping Jacob's therapist can help, and we do our best to referee fairly...but we still have such a challenge on our hands.  I so hoped it would be over by now--we've always had hope the next milestone would do the trick--but we'll just continue to pray and do what we can.

When I realized today was the anniversary of the size comparison, I couldn't help but grab the same blanket and take a picture of Carter two years later!
I still can't get over how much darker Carter's coloring was back then!  His skin compared to Jacob's is amazing.
Big boy!

Quite the difference two years makes!  Carter was less than half the length of the blanket and now he's almost the full length, and not that much shorter than Jacob was!  I know two years is a lot in baby time, but still...I remember so well taking that picture of the kids, and I can't believe two whole years have passed.

I thought back to those early days.  The many nights I spent playing Candy Crush during feedings and the early days of my Pinterest account.  The skinny, scrawny baby with a non-existent butt and the skinniest limbs I'd ever seen.  The teeny little newborn clothes.  The dark hair on every body part.  Being so tired but so happy to have a "normal" homecoming and first few weeks.  The stress of the beginnings of the reflux and milk intolerance.  So much to take in, but what a ride it was. 

Yesterday at church there were a couple small babies in the room where we sit.  I looked at them longingly, remembering those precious early days.  There is something so special about having a little baby, despite all of the stress.  That phase goes so fast and is such a sleep-deprived blur.  Maybe that's why it's such a special time...because none of us can remember much of it!  Still, as I looked at the sweet little babies and then back at my toddler with his evolving personality--the good and the bad--and I decided that no matter how amazing those early days are, none of it compares to seeing your kid turn into a real person.  I look at Carter's bright eyes and big smile, listen to the many words and even short sentences coming from his lips, and see the pride on his face when he builds something or makes his airplane fly, and I love every bit of it!  The tantrums and the defiance I could do without, but it's all part of a very special package.  Watching that develop is so incredible.

So would I go back?  For fleeting moments, maybe.  Would I do it again?  Possibly, if it made any logical sense at all for us.  But I am completely happy to be in this moment and enjoying my bonus time with this guy...
Love him. <3 em="">
 
 

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