I just have this whole pre-accident/post-accident perception of things that's still messing with me a bit. It's like, I see a picture of something we did before the accident and I feel like there was a prevailing sense of innocence or something...and now that's gone. It's almost like there's a shadow hanging over things now, in contrast to the relative innocence that surrounded us before the accident. I'm hoping it will fade over time. But I think that I'm not replaying things as much now, and I've slept better for the past couple nights. I still question how to avoid this situation again when it was the result of a split-second reflex. How do you reprogram that when you're not even 100% sure what exact reflex you're reprogramming? It's hard to describe, exactly, but that's my big hangup right now.
In the end, the physical soreness really only lasted one day, and I only ended up with bruises on my arm and my knee. Not bad considering how bad the damage was. Even the bruise on my arm, which bothered me quite a bit the past couple days, isn't bad today. The baby's been kicking away plenty, and I'm extra grateful for that nowadays. I just worry now about my ability to keep this little guy (and his big brother) safe.
I did take a new picture of my belly today. It doesn't look a whole lot different than the 20 week shot, but indeed, four more weeks have passed. The belly doesn't stick out significantly more, but it has definitely rounded out a bit.
We're keeping ourselves busy this weekend as well. Carpet and car shopping today, and more shopping and a brunch for one of Craig's clients tomorrow. Jacob has been quite difficult this weekend--extra distracted and mouthy--so we're working through that and hoping that a nice, normal bedtime tonight will make tomorrow better. And if that fails, it's getting to be time for drastic measures. I'm not sure what the missing puzzle piece is for him to understand that the potty talk is a problem and that telling us "no" when we ask him to do something is unacceptable. We don't let him get away with it, but he still doesn't seem to learn from it. I'm hoping this phase passes before baby #2 is with it enough to pick up on the rudeness. God forbid he does, because my patience is already waning.
Anyway, keep praying for a sense of peace and the subtle refinement of my driving instincts/skills to ensure this never happens again. Mentally, physically, financially, and emotionally, I just can't do this again. There's far too much at stake now.