Monday, May 9, 2011

In Which I Will Inevitably Sound Ungrateful

Let me start out by saying that I had a downright lovely time yesterday at Mother's Day brunch with Craig's family.  The food was very good and I haven't been to a brunch like that in many, many years.  The assortment of selections--from breakfast and salads to carving stations, dinner selections, and all the dessert options I could ever want--was great.  I ate a ton and yet still managed to walk out without feeling disgusting, which was a huge win in my book.  Jacob was a bit of a battle, as he was tired and not in the mood to enjoy all the great options, but Craig managed him well enough and we made it out relatively unscathed.  The only downside was that the table setup wasn't overly conducive to family interaction, but I did still have some pleasant conversations with Craig's cousin and his wife while enjoying their two daughters.  It was a nice meal, though, and definitely a treat.

In a perfect world, we'd have left the brunch at 1pm and come home.  It's not that I didn't want to spend time with the family--under normal circumstances I certainly would have--but considering how I was feeling (per my last week of posts) and considering that we'll be back in Buffalo next weekend, I really just wanted to come home, leisurely check off a few things from my to do list, and chill for the rest of the day.  But Craig wanted to stop at his parents' for a little while, which I inevitably knew would be for a little bit more than a "little", but I reluctantly agreed just because I don't want to always seem so cranky.  Maybe I was just trying to overcompensate for what I know is a downright crappy attitude that I've had for the past week.  I am really hoping it magically disappears this weekend when I'm finally off the prednisone, otherwise I'm going to really have to re-examine things a bit.  I just know my filter's been pointed toward "off" and I'm just so much more irritable than ususal, about so many things.  I can't help but think that it has to be the medication, but God forbid it's not.  Ugh.

When we left brunch, Jacob was in desperate need of a nap.  He fell asleep a few minutes into the car ride, but didn't stay asleep for the transfer into Craig's parents' house.  I tried my darndest to lull him back to sleep, even offering to cuddle with him, but that did not work.  I tried for a good half hour or more to get him to rest, but finally gave up and tried to salvage a nap for myself instead.  Despite laying there for a good hour or more, I never did sleep.  I was uncomfortable and had too much running through my brain to get any reasonable rest.  While I was laying there, Craig and Jacob were downstairs gorging on chips, dip and pistachios.  Jacob also had a juice box.  I'm sure Craig thought nothing of letting him eat all that stuff, because to Craig that's a treat.  But unlike us, Jacob didn't fill up at brunch and was surely just hungry and eating whatever was there--when I'm sure he would have eaten something with a little more substance had he had the option.  Ugh.  More on the repercussions of that later, but caution: bodily functions will be mentioned...

Anyway, once I gave up napping and came down, I spent some time on my netbook but was eager to get going...yet Craig didn't really indicate he was ready.  Maybe I should have pushed him a little more, but like I said, I never want to be the pushy one and I was overly aware that I might be yesterday, for so many reasons.  So I didn't push it.  But before we knew it, it was nearly 6pm, Jacob still hadn't napped and I knew the rest of the night was going to be a problem.  I said from the beginning that I wanted to avoid getting home late, rushing through unpacking, having to do Jacob's laundry (which I always do on Sunday night because of his daycare blanket and sheet), and having no time to just relax once we were home.  And yet, there we were. 

To make matters worse, as we were getting ready to leave, Jacob kept wandering off and eventually wanted to use the potty.  Well, when I tried to bring him there, he was refusing and just seemed generally odd.  Well, sure enough, the kid had a very poopy diaper...and it became apparent very quickly that it was no ordinary poop.  You bet...nothing like a case of diarrhea to spice up Mother's Day.  By some miracle it did stay contained in his diaper, but I felt so incredibly bad for Jacob as he sat on the toilet trying to get the rest out.  His tummy hurt, and those horrible wet-fart-in-the-toilet noises took on a new pain coming from my baby boy.  He sat there for a while and then finally seemed better.  It still took a while to settle him down enough to wrangle him into the car.  Oh, and if that wasn't enough, Craig was looking tired and I knew he'd had a couple beers, so I drove home.  Craig sat in the backseat and was supposed to try to keep Jacob awake, yet by about a half hour in, both were conked out and slept the whole way home.

The evening was spent unpacking, trying to convince Jacob it was bedtime, doing his laundry, and then, finally, taking a little "me" time--I organized all of the recent photos on our desktop computer (which I rarely use these days but need to keep current if I want to archive our photos on discs), burned a DVD, and cleared out our memory card.  Not exactly luxury time, but a mental weight off nonetheless.  And now it's Monday again, facing another week of work and another weekend on the road.  I feel like crap again, thanks in part to the meds and in part to major nasal drainage (not sure if it's another side effect or due to allergies).  My whole body is still sore from Saturday's yardwork and run, which is making things that much worse.  So, yeah, crap mood. 

Oh, and I'm having serious Mother's Day envy because all I'm seeing on blogs and Facebook today is how great everyone's Mother's Day was.  They relaxed, got great gifts (even practical ones), enjoyed the weather, and...yeah.  Just not feeling it on my end.  And I know that this is my problem and the medication can't be helping and it's as much my fault as anything.  I am so blessed in so many ways that one day that didn't go quite according to plan shouldn't be a big deal.  I know that I am at peace with deferring to our moms on Mother's Day, but suddenly I'm feeling like I should have been a little more forceful, just this once, for the sake of my own mental and physical state.  I don't need fancy gifts or to be the center of attention, but ugh...no matter how much I know that it's probably not my logical brain talking here, it's just not making me feel any better. Ultimately my attitude is no one's fault but mine, and even though I know how petty and stupid all this sounds, I can't quite shake the crankiness that's bugging me today. 

However, lost in all this is that I even have even the smallest iota of a reason to complain about Mother's Day because I am a mom to an amazing little boy.  He looked so adorable all dressed up again yesterday, but much like Easter I didn't have a heck of a lot of luck getting a cute picture of him.  This was as close as I got. 

Poor kid is still suffering through a sudden and evil cold, but despite napping at 6:30pm yesterday, he was only awake a little past 10pm (generally pleasantly, too) and did sleep through the night.  It could have been so much worse considering his earlier digestive issues, so I'm grateful and relieved that he was such a good sport.  I've got to admit that he's been a trooper for the past few weeks, with all the weekend busyness we've had.  He's slept relatively well, and other than his usual moments and sickness-induced hearing problems (haha), he's been very cooperative.  Even when he's being difficult, half the time he's doing it because he's just trying to have fun or thinks he's being funny.  Rarely is it malicious.  He can be such an awesome, good-natured kid, and he just wants to have fun.  Period.  Even in my current cranky state I'm trying to appreciate that.  I am so lucky to have him and marvel at the little boy he's becoming more and more each day.  So even under the worst of circumstances, my Mother's Day should always have a little "happy" in it, no matter what.

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