Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Feeling rejected...

I had a rough morning. Jacob didn't sleep well last night, and that always makes my outlook on things so much worse. Really...it's amazing the difference in my perspective on a day after I got a good night of sleep vs. after a bad night. You'd think that that self-awareness would keep me on a more even keel, knowing that most of the time it's just the lack of sleep making me nuts, but no such luck. The funk usually lasts all day. Well, last night was textbook Jacob lately...awake multiple times, just crying and whining for no apparent reason, while practically half asleep but still hesitant to actually fall back to sleep. Craig and I took turns every time he woke up, and eventually I was so desperate for sleep that I brought him to bed around 5am. He wouldn't sleep on me, so eventually Craig took him and he drifted off. When he woke up a little before 7am, I tried to feed him, but as has been happening lately, he wouldn't eat long. He'll usually eat for a few minutes and then suddenly decide he's done...arching his back and whining until he is sitting up and can play, stand, etc. For a while I thought it might be his reflux, but considering all of the drugs he's on for that, I'm just not so sure anymore. It may be that he likes crawling and playing so he just doesn't want to sit still to eat. Regardless, I decided to try to make him a bottle, just a small one, because I was worried about him getting enough to eat. After all, he hadn't eaten since dinnertime yesterday. While I held him he just chewed the nipple, so I passed him off to Craig so I could go get dressed. It took a little prodding, but he did drink the bottle.

So now I'm officially paranoid that he's starting to wean himself. That makes me a little sad. While I know I should probably feel lucky that he's doing it on his own and I won't have to go through terrible agony getting him to wean, I guess I wasn't thinking it would start to happen this early. I just can't figure out any other reason why he won't eat in the mornings. This has been an ongoing issue for weeks now and I was just hoping it was because he wasn't a morning person...you know, like those people that don't like to eat breakfast. He's still fairly content during any evening feedings, particularly when he's tired. Those can go on for months (or even years based on things I read on the internet...no thanks...I'll take a few more months), so for now I guess it's just trying to get my milk supply to adjust and to find a new "normal" that we can both deal with. As it stands right now I have no idea what to do tomorrow morning. Should I try to get him to nurse and deal with another unsuccessful morning? Or just make up a bottle right away? Should I try to pump while he's eating? Of course, all of this is assuming I can even get out of bed in the morning. If we have another night like last night, I might be in trouble. He's already woken up once in the hour and a half he's been in bed. Ugh.

Speaking of which...time to start working toward bed myself. Hopefully we'll get back to happier topics soon!

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