Saturday, January 26, 2013

Last Chance

Last time I was pregnant, I was far less conscious of the chance of going early.  I knew it was a possibility, and even blogged about my concerns with it, but I honestly thought I'd go right up until the end so I wasn't that worried about it.  I got slightly more concerned at my 36 week appointment when I discovered that I was already dilating, but I still wasn't nearly as concerned as I am now.

Based on all of the discomfort I've had so early this time, I've spent much of the last couple weeks convinced that my water's going to break any minute.  Crazy, maybe, but the pressure and discomfort has been scary for me this time.  And if it wasn't for all that I have to take care of in the next few weeks, I wouldn't mind it so much now that the baby is closer to a healthy size and greater lung maturity.  But all that stuff...ugh.  This baby needs to stay put for now.

What's weird for me at this point is wondering when my chances to do certain activities are going to run out. For example, tonight Jacob and I went to the Knighthawks game.  For the record, he didn't nap today and this is how he spent the entire second quarter and all of halftime:

Looks like dropping that nap isn't working out so well for him, eh?  Well, there's another game next week, and then the team is on the road for one weekend before a couple weeks back home.  I keep saying that I need to make it through that weekend on the road (two games--Philly Friday and Buffalo Saturday), and then I'll feel much more confident that Craig won't have to miss a game.  He's got a trip to Denver the first weekend in March, and I've already said that if this baby doesn't come by then, he's not going...but given that I went 10 days early last time, my guess is that this baby is going to come sometime during those couple weeks at home.  But I can't help but wonder which one of these games is going to be our last--either because I have the baby or because I just get too uncomfortable to deal with the long night out with Jacob.  I think about trying to plan ahead a bit when I go to the grocery store, and I'm driving myself a little nuts thinking about needing to go through the baby stuff before a trip to Babies 'R' Us is no longer an option.  I think about my last day of work and what I might leave behind, particularly since my boss might kill me if I came in on my way to the hospital to wrap things up.  

I'm already wondering if I've seen the last of our families until the baby is born.  My parents were in town last weekend, but we haven't seen Craig's family since Christmas.  They will be off to Disney (yes, the trip we would have liked to be going on) soon, but by the time they're back I'm not sure if I'll be confident enough to brave a trip that far away.  We have a couple events in Buffalo in mid-February that would be great to attend (one per family), but will I be up to it?  Will it be worth the risk?  

I just seem to have more of a concept this time around of how quickly plans can change.  Last time we went from a normal night at home to the beginning of a crazy roller coaster ride in the span of five minutes.  With the added wrinkle of taking care of Jacob's needs this time around, it's a little extra nerve-wracking.  I'm trying to plan ahead where I can, but there's so much to think about and it seems like there's only so much I can do.  I can barely think of what to make for dinner in a given week, let alone make plans to set up for easy meals once the baby is born but before I'm ready to go to the grocery store.  I'd like to get a baby shopping trip in, but I'm hesitant to go through a lot of stuff to figure out what we need until I can put the baby's stuff in the baby's room, and that's still on hold until it's painted.  I'm feeling a little stuck and a little panicky, but hopefully I can keep doing things a little at a time and it will be enough in the end.  I did strip the baby's room of all wall decorations and most of the rest of its contents this morning.  Craig will have to help with the furniture, but that's one less thing to worry about.  I also pulled some bins and bags of stuff out of the crawl space so I have a starting point for sorting and washing.  There's still more in there--toys, baby seat, bathtub, swing--but it's a start.  I just wish I could tell when the finish line is going to pop up on the horizon!

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