Thursday, January 24, 2013

Oh, the pain...

I really wish I knew why this pregnancy is so much more painful for me than the last one.  A week or so ago I scoured the blog in the weeks leading up to Jacob's birth to see what I was talking about, and aside from a couple mentions about discomfort while walking (which happened less than a month out, yet was happening to me a month earlier this time) and the issues I had dealing with the extreme heat that hit in early June, I didn't see anything even remotely close to what I'm dealing with now.  This pregnancy has officially ventured into "Is it over yet?" territory, with the caveat that I have a crapload of stuff to do and need the next six weeks (!) to get it all done.

On a side note, I met with a painter yesterday.  The price was slightly higher than I was hoping, but at this point I'm content with someone that comes highly recommended and can get it done within a reasonable time frame.  He's also cool with doing any necessary patching and working around a couple things, so I'm pretty much ready to book him.  We just need to get the paint and hopefully within about 10 days we'll have a blue baby room.  I really need to start pulling the baby stuff out and sorting through it, though, even if I have nowhere to put it at the moment.  God forbid I go into labor tomorrow, because Craig won't have a clue what needs to be brought out.  So, I should probably just set up a staging area in the basement where there will be piles of baby stuff for the next few weeks.  We'll deal.  The most important stuff would be the car seat and bases, the first round of baby clothes (even though hardly any of them are seasonally appropriate), and all of the burp cloths, boppy covers, and the like.  The bottles and all of that should probably be brought out, too.  Hopefully the postponed baby shower we were supposed to have happens in the next week or so, and then we'll see what's left to get.  So much to think about, but fortunately, most of that stuff is fun.  It's the painting part that's not, but at least once we book this guy all we have to do is get the room empty-ish.  It could be worse.

But I am really struggling with how I feel right now physically.  I don't think I ever felt like this last time, and it is killing me that what should be the magical last weeks of what is probably my last pregnancy are being spent in misery.  Either my fear of parenthood last time was really intense, or I didn't feel this way at all last time, because I was perfectly content being pregnant and was in no rush for it to end.  This time I dream of being able to sleep on my stomach without a body pillow, fantasize about sitting in a chair or on the couch without discomfort, and put on shoes without getting winded.  I can barely roll over in bed or get up from the couch.  I am loading up on fiber to counteract some constipation (at least, I think that's contributing to my discomfort), and I think I'm dealing with some pretty significant Braxton-Hicks contractions. 

And the worst thing?  I think I've figured out that the ridiculous back pain I've been dealing with is actually sciatica.  I had a little of it last time where it went down the back of my leg, but this time it goes right through my hip and up into my lower back, mostly on the right side.  It hurts so badly that I can barely sit at my desk or in my car.  It's horrible.  I'm not quite sure what to do.  This is the first time I've ever really understood why women feel the need to go out on disability prior to their due date.  I'm not sure I can do this for much longer.  There are moments where I'm nearly in tears from a combination of pain and frustration.  I'm constantly squirming or getting up to walk around, and it's extra hard to focus on the detailed work I need to do. 

I wanted to enjoy these last few weeks, but instead I'm feeling stuck...trapped between the stuff I need to do and the constant discomfort that's making me wish the days away.  All of this is making life with a newborn seem preferable, even though I know how exhausting and scary and difficult it really is.  And let's not forget that I need to get through labor first!  I wanted to be pregnant again for so long...and now I'm wondering why.  I guess I was just amazingly lucky last time.

I find it ironic that last time I was pregnant I felt like I was letting people down when they'd ask how I was feeling and I only had good things to report.  Well...this time I'm definitely giving them the answer they're expecting, and I feel like such a stereotypical pregnant woman when I do it.  It is driving me nuts because I don't want to complain, but I'm finding it increasingly difficult to maintain my sanity.

I don't know if it's just that I'm older, or that the baby's in an odd spot, or that I just had more energy to deal with it last time, but something is definitely different and I'm just trying to figure out the best way to manage it all during the weeks I have left.  At least it gives me a little something extra to look forward to...   

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