Sunday, January 1, 2012

Happy New Year!

And so another year begins...and while it barely seems possible, this is the sixth year in which I will have blog posts!  I started late in 2007, and now here we are in 2012!  Last night Jacob tried to stay up until midnight.  Craig had been telling him they could camp in the basement sometime, and I guess last night was the night.  We hung out in the basement (home of our own personal "Legoland", where the boys have been building quite the little town) and watched a movie.  I spent part of the movie attempting to Skype with both my brother and my parents.  There were some odd issues on both counts, though my brother's iPhone saved the day!  I rejoined the boys in time to catch the end of the movie, but then Jacob had a couple rough spells, and it became apparent by about 11:30 that he was way overtired, so he was in bed by 11:40.  We watched the last few minutes of our movie, then turned the TV to New Year's Rockin' Eve to catch the annual painful countdown from Dick Clark (poor guy).  We watched some of the post-midnight festivities before heading to bed ourselves.  The good news is that Jacob slept until about 9:30 this morning. 

We headed to church to start out the year right, and then came home for a relatively lazy day.  I did do some laundry and some cooking, but other than that...not much.  Jacob was a little on the obnoxious side today--mostly just having some attitude and pushing buttons on purpose--which I'm sure is a direct side effect of the late night, even if he did sleep late enough to compensate.  Being off-schedule definitely has its own issues. 

I'm thanking my lucky stars that I have off tomorrow, if only because it's supposed to snow and I don't really feel like dealing with both a day of work and a snowy commute on the same day, first day back.  Jacob's daycare is closed and I managed to carry over one vacation day to cover it.  That means I'll come back behind after the extra day off, which sort of stinks, but I don't have the same anxiety about that as I do when thinking about how I'd feel going back tomorrow.  It's been a long break, which has been amazing...10-1/2 days away.  Heavenly.  It'll be hard to go back, but I suppose that I'll be busy enough to distract myself. 

Anyway, a new year is upon us.  I'm not quite sure what to expect this year, but I'm hopeful.  The whole baby-making thing is getting increasingly complicated.  My cycle still isn't on track, and now we have our big Disney trip in the fall, which is freaking me out a bit.  I mean, I totally can't wait to go, mostly because I can't wait to see Jacob's face.  However, there are a couple scenarios in which I may not be able to go at all, which would kill me.  Best case scenario at this point is that I get pregnant very soon and we have a couple-month-old baby by the time we go.  If I don't get pregnant for a while, I could end up doing exactly what I said I never wanted to do again--go to Disney while pregnant.  I don't know how I'll survive walking past all the fun rides again.  But that's still a far better scenario than a) being too pregnant to fly; or b) having a brand new baby and it not being safe or comfortable for either of us to travel and/or spend a week walking around amusement parks.  This is all assuming I get pregnant, of course.  The ever-widening gap between kids is starting to freak me out a bit, and the longer it goes, the harder it might be to even get pregnant.  Fortunately I have an appointment with my doctor next week (scheduled annual visit), so at least I can talk through some of this stuff and get feedback.  They usually don't do much on the infertility front until you've been trying for a year, but considering we can barely try at this point, I don't know what their response will be to that. 

I'll admit that there are times when all of this drives me nuts.  At the same time, there are moments where I have some peace with the whole thing, like it'll happen at some point and God's got better plans than I could ever have.  Deep down I know that, but my own internal planning is hard to ignore sometimes.  Particularly now that the Disney thing is a newly imposed "deadline" of sorts that we need to work around.  I told Craig that if things don't work out in the next couple months, we'll have to take a break to strategically avoid the two scenarios above that would prevent me from going altogether.  It would KILL me to know the boys are there and Jacob's getting his first taste of Disney without me being there to see it.  But this is obviously a very special, very generous gift from Craig's parents, and it's not like we can dictate how it should go or turn it down.  And under all other circumstances, we never would.  It may all be a moot point (let's hope), but it's certainly in the back of my mind for now. 


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