Thursday, January 19, 2012

Reasons Why

The other day I discussed the many thought processes behind my questionable fertility and my reservations about changing up the plan.  Today I'm pondering some of the reasons why God may be making us wait longer than we thought.  Some are shallow and some are serious, but here's what I'm thinking...

- Quality time with Jacob - I know that this time is precious, and I won't even know how precious until we have to split our time between two kids. A baby will limit some of what we can do, so I suppose we should be getting as many experiences out of the way with Jacob now as we can before it goes on hold for a bit. I know I'll someday look back wistfully on this time much as I look back on our life before kids now--incomplete yet blissfully low-key.

- Time to get stuff done - I still haven't gotten the carpet replaced in a couple of our bedrooms and there are plenty of other house projects we could probably take care of now, before we're short on time and shorter on money.  And while we're at it, we should really appreciate our sleep, too.

- Saving our finances - While we could pull off a second kid in daycare, ultimately we'd probably be digging into our savings a bit. As it stands now, we'd only be paying for full double daycare for a short time before Jacob heads off to kindergarten (!). We'd still be paying aftercare, for sure, and maybe before, along with tuition if we decide to go the private Christian school route.  All of that may still be less than we're paying now, but perhaps God is giving our finances a break in the interim, too.

- Setting our kids up for a good relationship - Per my last post, maybe this span will be better than anything else. It's hopefully also giving Jacob time to become the best big brother he can be. The older he is, the more of a help he'll be and hopefully the less his behavior will be a distraction when we have to care for a baby.

- Setting us up for a girl - In all my planning I had a perfect scenario to get pregnant at a similar time of year as last time so I could reuse a good portion of our baby clothes and all of my maternity clothes.  I also really want to have good weather so I'm not cooped up in the house with a newborn.  Now that my schedule has been turned upside-down, either we'll be facing a cold due date or we'll be waiting a very long time.  We'll just have to deal with that either way.  But it would cushion the blow if we had a girl off-season, since I wouldn't need to reuse many clothes anyway. 

- Making us grateful even if it is a boy - After such a long wait, we'll probably be so grateful to have any baby that the gender will be a non-event.  I'll still probably walk through stores staring at the gorgeous little dresses and adorable shoes, and spend my life longing for a shopping buddy and someone to play with my old dolls, but I'll also be so grateful that we could have a second that perhaps it won't matter as much.  I know I will be absolutely in love with any child we have, and when I see the whole brother thing in action, it probably really won't matter.

- Fixing any lingering health problems - Not that I have any, but I have been meaning to change my primary care doctor for a while.  My current doctor seems quite unfazed by my lack of smell and taste, and I feel like a clean slate might be a good thing.  I should get a physical anyway, so a new patient visit seems like a good way to do it.  And between that and the blood work that I'm supposed to get done during my next cycle, if there are any issues preventing me from getting pregnant, hopefully we can find them and fix them...before any treatments could impact a fetus.

- Confirming that two is it - Before this, I figured that if we didn't get a girl this time around and circumstances changed to the point that having a third seemed doable, we'd just have enough time to sneak another one in.  But as each month passes, that window is getting even smaller.  The longer it takes to have another baby, the less time there would be to do it again.  And even if there was time, would we have to go through this all over again?  So, yeah, pretty much this is the sign that this is it.  The world is made for families of four anyway, but I am still intrigued by the dynamics of three kids. 

- Teaching us to stop planning - It's nice to work with a bit of a framework, but let's face it, rigid planning is probably a bad idea.  At least, if you believe in God and believe His plans are far better and far wiser than ours, it's probably a better idea to stay flexible.  The more we plan, the less we lean on Him and allow Him to direct our path.  I'm pretty terrible at that, which is why this process is probably a good thing.  I need to take this time to become a more prayerful person.  Admittedly, that part of my life has suffered since having Jacob, since often at night I am so tired that I only make it partway through my prayers.  Sometimes I carve out moments during the day to try to "catch up", but even then it's far too easy to get distracted.  I really need to use this time to get that back on track and fully trust that God's plan, whatever it is, is better for us than anything we could imagine.

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