Monday, January 30, 2012

The Worst Kind of Tired

I am SO tired today.  And I have no idea why.  No, I'm not pregnant.  For once I am very sure of that.  I had a fun and relaxing weekend, and other than a couple-hour span yesterday, I didn't really exert myself at all. We spent the weekend with my parents while Craig was on a two-city roadtrip, and despite the help, I'm exhausted today.  I even went to bed at a reasonable time--earlier than usual.  In fact, I fell asleep on the couch at 10pm, which almost never happens.  I got myself into my real bed sometime between 11 and 11:30, and I woke up for a few minutes when Craig finally got home past midnight, but other than that, I slept well and yet still woke up feeling no better than when I went to sleep last night.  Just tired.

My one tiring experience (other than dealing with a little boy who was uninterested in listening all weekend) was the couple hours after we got home, in which I ran around the house like a crazy woman, unpacking and putting other things in their proper place.  I was compelled to put things away that had been sitting in the wrong spot for weeks, or pick up little messes that had been bugging me.  I also made dinner and did dishes during that time, and shortly after had to do the bedtime routine.  I settled onto the couch with a snack and a newspaper to watch an episode of The Biggest Loser on DVR, and found myself thankful that it was only an hour--not the usual two--because by the end, my eyelids were drooping.  And I just couldn't muster the strength to get up and go to bed, so there I napped for a bit.  But I was still in bed earlier than usual and I don't recall any wakeups other than when Craig got home.  So why am I so tired?

Normally I'd spend a day like this just a tiny bit intrigued/excited because I'd be hopeful that it meant I was pregnant.  Or, at the very least, I'd be convinced it was a symptom of a greater problem that might be impacting my ability to get pregnant.  While any problem isn't ideal, at least it would provide a place to focus our efforts.  And assuming it was something fixable, it would be nice to know that there was just a simple bump in the road we had to get past in order to get back on track.  But this time around, I'm just tired.  I know I'm not pregnant because I know where my cycle is and I just had bloodwork last week.  It confirmed that I wasn't already pregnant, which I knew, nor did I have any obvious evidence that anything was thyroid trouble, no hormonal imbalances.  So while that's all good news, it sort of just leaves me back at square one for the next few months until we're past the window of time where the Disney trip is at risk.  I do have follow-up bloodwork next week as well, which may give another hint or two as to what might be going on, but I'm pretty sure it's all going to be chalked up to bad luck or the dreaded "unexplained infertility" which is the diagnosis when nothing seems wrong but nothing's working, either.  It reminds me of the term "irreconcilable differences" that every Hollywood divorce claims.  Clear as mud.

So, without the many possibilities that a tired day could signify, I'm just left with with a tired day.  Bummer.

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