My Sign

Based on the events of this weekend, I've decided I should start carrying around a sign. What do you think of it?

In case you couldn't tell, I had to answer a few of the same questions over and over again. As I mentioned in earlier posts, I was back in N.T. with my parents this weekend, mostly to go to my cousin's graduation party. While I was there I also got to visit my grandma where she's been rehabbing her replaced hip and to go to the annual St. Matthew Church Picnic with my parents. Between those two stops and the graduation party, I don't know how many times I answered the same questions. And that's not even counting the inquiries from random strangers while I was out shopping Saturday evening or the chit-chat with the hair stylist on Saturday morning.

I'm not saying that people shouldn't ask...but maybe the strangers could keep their thoughts to themselves. I had these two sales clerks at Macy's asking me names, and I was merely walking by them while they were chatting. Don't they realize some people don't share that info, even with close friends and family? And for the record, there are a few reasons--first, that you just don't want people giving you looks that make you second guess things. I know our names aren't that freakishly weird...so I'd rather just leave the topic alone. Once the baby's been named they really can't say much, but at this stage they could still try to talk you out of it, and why give anyone the chance to bring on that kind of frustration? And second, what if we decide to change it at the last minute, particularly once we've seen the baby? I've heard of that happening a lot. And third, with strangers, is it really any of their business anyway? While I'm relieved to not have any total strangers coming up and rubbing my belly, I still don't understand what makes people think that pregnant women and their bellies are suddenly public property.

I get that most people (the ones that know you, especially) genuinely want to know and it's sweet that they care. Still, answering the same questions gets old. And even worse was the fact that it was 90 degrees outside the whole weekend and my house doesn't have air conditioning. That makes me even more of a pity case. No, it's not comfortable, but I'd be uncomfortable even if I wasn't pregnant. The only difference at this point is carting around 20 extra pounds and not being able to wear less or different clothing that might have been more comfortable. Again, I appreciate the sympathy, but I don't know...I'm just sort of dealing. Common courtesy is fine...offer me a chair or a beverage. But feeling sorry for me isn't going to buy me central air, so having people assuming I'm miserable just doesn't really do me any good. I don't really want to sit there and feel sorry for myself.

Anyway, it was a good weekend. Back to the grind at work. It was another active morning for the baby, which at this stage really starts making me nervous. It got a little uncomfortable, so maybe that, along with this congestion/coughing issue I've got right now (probably allergies), along with said coughing interrupting my sleep (once again in the basement, BTW), it put me in a bit of a cranky mood this morning...hence the cranky post. But really...I do appreciate everyone's concern. I think I'm just questioned out...

Thank goodness for the basement...

I ended up sleeping in the basement last night. I figured it wasn't worth tossing and turning any more than I already would, so I braved heading down to the basement, inflating our new air mattress, and sleeping in the relative cool of the basement. Considering I'm over eight months pregnant and I was on an air mattress, it wasn't half bad. Better than sweating to death upstairs, anyway.

The house was cooler but still pretty hot this morning, but at least there was a nice breeze coming in once I started opening up all the windows again (I closed a lot of them in case it rained overnight...I never would have heard it). Getting dressed was a sweat-fest anyway, and then I went out and got a haircut, despite my reservations about changing my hair right before having the baby. I decided that 1) my hair was too long for this hot weather, even though it did allow me to put it up if necessary; 2) I was really starting to dislike it as long as it was; and 3) I didn't know when I'd have the chance to go do it again, so I wanted to get it out of the way now. It's pretty short and relatively cute, but as usual it'll take some getting used to. I had to shower again when I got home to stop the little pieces of cut hair from sticking to me, and by then it was hot enough in the house that I couldn't bear to heat anything up for lunch (and with cold cuts being a pregnancy no-no, my cold options were limited), so I ate a bunch of fruit for lunch. I also stopped at Friendly's on my way out of town to grab a FREE ice cream cone...they had a big event today from 12-5 giving away single cones. I had a Vienna Mocha Chunk cone, which was a treat because it's so rare that I eat regular ice cream. Gotta love pregnancy.

It's been a nice day, though...Buffalo was a little cooler than Rochester, and I got to spend some time with my grandma, who's recovering from a hip replacement. I did some running around this evening (bought a nursing bra...woohoo!) and now I'm settling in for the night. I'm pretty beat and my body is giving me signs it's time to stop walking around...so I'm listening. I was also listening to Craig's lacrosse broadcast on the internet, but they're in a lightning break right now so that's done for a bit. On to another busy, hot day tomorrow, but it should be a good one...Have a nice rest of the weekend!

How hot is it in Rochester?

No, it didn't bring on labor...yet. But it's so hot that the MALL lost power. Not just a couple stores or a wing, but the WHOLE mall. And not just the mall, but the Target across the parking lot. After work today I headed off to a happy hour for Erin, my co-worker of three years (first at the Amerks, then at my current job), who is moving on to bigger and better things. A bunch of us sat outside on the nicely shaded patio at a bar on East Ave. downtown. It was hot but tolerable. Lots of water with lemon for me! East Ave. was busy because it was the first East End Fest of the year...about what you'd guess....beer, music, people. Fortunately the traffic and road closures didn't throw me off too much, because with the heat and pregnancy, my tolerance probably isn't at its peak. I came home, had a little dinner, then headed back out to shop for a summer robe (aka hospital gear) at JCPenney with the $10 off coupon we got in the mail the other day. I didn't notice anything until I saw people standing outside of Circuit City (like, employees in their matching red shirts), and then noticed people outside a bar...and noticed that the mall looked awfully dark. Then I saw the wave of people outside the movie theater...and more people streaming out of every available exit. I couldn't believe that the whole mall lost power! I decided to head over to Target and see if I could hang out there a bit until the power came back on at the mall, but sure enough, Target was out too! It's the craziest thing to see.

So, now I'm back home in the sweltering heat. I have a fan blowing directly on me and I'm still sweating. It's not really any cooler outside right now, I don't think, so having all the windows open doesn't appear to be helping. The baby's pretty fidgety, which is making me a little nervous. I don't want to get overheated, for my sake or the baby's. I'm starting to think central air really is going to have to climb the priority list, because I don't know how much of this I can take, or the baby should be exposed to (even if it is used to a balmy 98.6 degrees right now!). Sleep is going to be in short enough supply without being hot, too. So we shall see.

I'm off to go have another freeze pop or some ice cream or cold something...stay cool, everyone!

Happy Thursday!

Still reeling a bit from yesterday's news, but I know from everything that I've heard and seen that I could be like this for a while. Still, every twinge makes me that much more nervous. I'm sure I'll adjust to the idea and eventually just accept the fact that something could happen at any time. Not knowing when or how all of this is going to happen could start making me crazy. I'm hoping that once things are a little more set with the baby's room I will feel better, though work will always be a concern. I'm sure there's still a lot of things I need to communicate before I finish working, though I'm sure many things won't occur to me until it's too late. I do have a backup plan, just in case, though it would obviously be a while before I could even act on the plan if the baby came early. My job is always changing so it's a little scary to think what I won't have had a chance to communicate if I go out unexpectedly. Ugh.

In other news...the next few days will be interesting, since the temperature is going to go sky high. I had a feeling this would happen, that even though I set myself up nicely to have the baby before the majority of the brutal summer heat, that the weather would find a way to get hot before then. April was so nice around here, and then May stunk...and I just knew that once June hit, we'd skip right over those lovely 70s and jump right into the heat. I'm not terribly uncomfortable when I'm awake, but I can only imagine what 90 degrees is going to feel like with this body. And sleep is going to be a disaster. We had one moderately warm night recently and I was miserable. And I'm still trying to figure out how we're going to keep the baby cool in the house when weather like this hits. Might have to have A/C leapfrog the dishwasher on the home improvement priority list...darn.

The good news is that I may not have to be home for a portion of the heat wave, since there's stuff going on this weekend that may take me to my parents' house a little ahead of schedule. This weekend is my cousin Jamie's college graduation party, and it will be my last chance to see my family before the baby comes. We had the some opportunity with Craig's family last weekend. It's a weird thought, that the next time you see these people your entire life will have changed. The baby that's currently hanging out in my belly will actually be here in the flesh. Crazy.

Oh, and apparently I'm still "cute pregnant"...I'm getting a lot of that these days, now that my belly is this perfect round basketball. It's appreciated, since I suppose any compliment at over 8 months is an amazing thing, but again, I swear, it's all about watching what you eat, keeping active, dressing nicely, and having some good genes to fall back on. I can't take a ton of credit for the last one obviously, but I've put in a good effort on the other three and I'm happy with the results. Heck, I almost feel like I'm getting off easy because I'm not looking massive yet. Massive compared to what I was, maybe, but just pleasantly pregnant compared to the rest of the world.

Sorry there's nothing too fascinating to post about today, but hopefully I'll be more inspired tomorrow!

Walking Time Bomb

Yeah, that's about what I feel like right now. Why? Well...I went to the doctor today. I'm now up to weekly exams, and they're no longer the easy tummy checks, as they like to call them. For the first time since the first time I went there after finding out I was pregnant, it was pants off. And what do you know? I'm apparently one centimeter dilated. That news really shocked me, actually, since I haven't really felt any contractions or pressure, and as everyone keeps reminding me, I'm carrying really high. And speaking of which...the doctor said that the baby's head is actually really low in my pelvis.

All of this sounds a little scary, like everything's in place, but you can be at 1 cm for weeks...which, as we all know from previous posts, is what I'm hoping happens. We have a LOT to do and I was counting on a couple more weeks to do it, at least. I'd like the baby to at least have a crib or some semblance of organization in its bedroom before it makes an appearance! Hopefully the ball will get rolling on that early next week. We'll see.

On the bright side, this news made some sense after the past few days I've had. On Monday I was practically convinced the baby was dropping, based on some odd sensations and on how sore the underside of my belly got when Craig and I took a walk. That night I slept terribly. In the past few weeks I've had a pain under my belly that sometimes comes on when I lay down. It's not all the time, but when it comes on, it's pretty intense. The doctor said that it was ligament pain. The other night it was awful...no matter how I tried to lay down, it kept coming. Fortunately, last night I didn't have it at all. Of course, now I'm convinced that the walking did me in, and today's diagnosis makes that thought make even more sense.

Not wanting to bring on labor any sooner than necessary, I'm now a little worried to take another walk or go back to the gym. I don't want to worsen that pain, either. I need to get sleep while I can! Even though I know one centimeter is common and doesn't mean much, now I'm extra paranoid that I'm not going to go late like I've always expected. Craig is even more paranoid, bringing up the possibility of not going on his roadtrip this weekend. I told him to go. However, he's now 100% convinced he's not going to take his June 22nd trip down to North Carolina (which he had really wanted to make since that's where our good friend Dave lives), because if it I make it that far, it's just going to be too risky. He doesn't want to miss this, obviously. My bosses got a little nervous with the news, too. Every time the baby moves now, I keep thinking, "Don't be getting any crazy ideas! Stay right there!"

I suppose this means I should really get around to packing my hospital bag...

Before and After

Pretty much ever since I've been married I've looked back at the family photo albums and had a new appreciation for the pictures of my parents before they had kids. Of course, my parents were quite a bit younger in their just married/pre-kids days, but even still...for some reason it's interesting to think of what they were like before they had kids and relate it to Craig's and my existence the last five years. Never having known my parents without kids (duh), those pictures were just a little bit of insight into their younger, more carefree days. It's like that scene in Field of Dreams where Ray realizes that the catcher on the field is his dad, young and before he was worn down by life. As Ray said, "He has his whole life in front of him, and I'm not even a glint in his eye."

I've known that at some point Craig and I would have kids, and someday our kids may look at our photo albums and see the same sort of "before" shots of us. I can't begin to imagine what they'll think of them, but it's amazing to think that we're officially in the last month or so of that era. This whole process is like making your own little bit of history. And honestly, I think that's part of the reason we wanted to have kids...because we were both blessed with great families and wanted to add to that history ourselves, to pass along that great family tradition to our kids.

As a kid you think imagine what it's like to have kids...or at least, I know a lot of little girls do by virtue of playing house. You stuff the pillow up your shirt and pretend to be pregnant...and as you get older you begin to wonder what it would really be like to be pregnant, swearing you'll be a cool pregnant chick in cool maternity clothes. All that imagining is over these days as I look in the mirror and can hardly believe that it's really me and I'm really sporting this huge belly. I've grown accustomed to wearing something with an empire waist every day, and I'm getting used to (but still amazed by) all the crazy kicking going on inside my body. That stuff has become normal, and it occurred to me this morning that I already only have another month of it left. In another month I'll look like any other woman walking through the mall, that I will go back to the world of the love-hate relationship with my stomach, and that I won't have this constant companion stowing away in my belly. Everything will be different, and I'll re-adjust again.

Regardless, the point is that in a span of nine months, we'll have changed our entire existence. Not just in the present, but for years to come. And much like my parents' photo albums, there will be this journey, from just to the two of us, to us with this new little baby, to watching the baby grow up, to hopefully adding at least one more, and then to wherever else life leads us. We're getting our little bit of history up and running, starting our own little story of our family. It's a pretty crazy thing to think about.

Sorry for the uber-philosophical post...sometimes my brain goes off on these random, deep tangents, and I just have to hope some of what I type makes sense!

Random Thoughts

Some random thoughts on pregnancy and stuff...

- It's really nice to not having to worry about looking thin. At least, it's not to not have to suck my gut in or to worry about my stomach sticking out after a big meal. Women are so conscious of that, pretty much from puberty on, so the break in past few months has been really nice. It's also nice to not worry constantly about what I eat. I don't have to feel terribly guilty about splurging a little, particularly at this point, now that I've made it this long without ballooning. The trick will be stopping once it's time to lose the weight!

- I did a little happy dance in the dressing room at Goodwill yesterday when I found a shirt and a pair of capris that fit me (and actually looked good). It's nice to be able to look in the mirror and feel good about what I see, even with this gigantic belly. I never would have thought I'd feel good in anything by this point in the pregnancy.

- I'm getting a lot more comments now from random strangers. No random touchers yet, thank goodness, but a lot of talkers. Lots of "How much longer?" or "What are you having?", mostly in the last couple weeks. I suppose it doesn't bother me too much, but it's weird when random people feel the need to comment. Some people I don't mind getting in conversations with, but there have been one or two where I've kept my responses short and sweet because they just seemed odd or wouldn't shut up. The other day I had a guy who looked a little like Snoop Dogg congratulate me while I was walking through the mall on my way to work (For those of you who don't know, I have to walk through a downtown mall to get from the parking ramp to my building. The mall has gone downhill in recent years, with few tenants and shady patrons, and is slated for demolition soon). He was going down the escalator, I was going up, and I heard this random "Congratulations in advance!" Yeah, a little creepy.

- It's weird to not be able to do simple things anymore, like standing up from sitting on the floor or getting up from the couch. I even had to give a second try to getting up off the toilet once! You'd never think having 10 extra pounds on the front of you would throw off your balance so much, but it does. It's even a struggle to change positions in a chair these days, particularly when I'm sitting at work. When you're used to being pretty mobile and flexible, it's a bit of a switch.

- Another switch is having this belly out in front of me. I always used to be able to sneak through small spaces, and now I can't! My belly runs into a lot of stuff, which I always feel bad about. As small as I am, I tend to underestimate the space I need to get through a small area, like between two cars, or past a person standing near another object. I try different angles, and nothing seems to work! At work we have a bathroom door that has to have a code punched into it to get in, and the doorknob is awkward. It doesn't turn easily (or maybe that's just me, particularly since I'm left-handed and that may not be the best for how the knob has to turn), and at least once every few days I'll go to turn it and I won't quite turn it far enough, and I'll run into the door, belly to knob. Not hard, but I still feel guilty. Thank God for cushy amniotic fluid.

- This week begins my weekly doctor's appointments. I'm not exactly looking forward to once again having to undress for my appointments, but I suppose it will be interesting to get some real information from each appointment, like how big the baby might end up or whether or not I'm dilating. While I'm hoping they might be able to give me an idea of when I might go into labor, I've heard enough stories about people going to the doctor in the afternoon with no sign of labor, and going into labor that night, to know that that's merely wishful thinking. Still, the possibility that I might get some advance warning of dilating will be helpful. Until now appointments were just the basics...urine, weight, blood pressure, baby's heart rate, maybe some measuring, a few basic questions, and that was it. Easy, but not exactly informative most of the time. I guess there are trade-offs either way.

It's hard to believe we're only a month away. We saw Craig's family today, probably for the last time before the baby's born. We'll do the same with my family next week. That's sort of a weird feeling. Actually saying stuff like that was especially odd. Reality is a scary thing...exciting, but scary!