Thursday, February 25, 2010

I feel so crazy blessed and oh so lucky
To be the place you go
When you need to feel safe
When you need a kiss
It's me...

-"Me", from the album "Blink" by Plumb
The words above popped into my head at 4:30 this morning. Jacob woke up. He wasn't really crying, but he was whining a little and calling for me. Sometimes when I hear the, "Mommy, Mommy," over the monitor, I'd like nothing more than to just ignore it and fall back to sleep. Unless he's screaming bloody murder, it's probably nothing he can't just deal with and drift back off. But then I feel a little guilty, because obviously he's asking for me, and if he's not screaming bloody murder then hopefully it's something simple enough to take care of in a few minutes. And if I can attend to my baby's needs without losing a lot of sleep, it's a win-win. He's been sleeping pretty well lately, other than a coughing fit here or there. We're in between teething episodes right now, I guess, though his bottom incisors (last ones before the 2-year molars) are getting ready to poke through sometime soon. They're all swelled and it's left me wondering if his recent behavior issues are just due to not feeling 100%, either from his latest cold or his teeth, or both. For example, we went out for dinner last night because we had $10 off at Applebee's that expired at the end of the month, and Jacob was a disaster. He wouldn't sit on my lap at all while we were waiting for a table, and was pretty much done with his meal (mentally, not food-wise) before we had even gotten he proceeded to find every way to be frustrating from then until we were finished. He screamed, spilled milk, kept demanding to get down from his high chair, wouldn't sit on Craig's lap, and did his usual rolling-around-on-the-ground tantrum when we were trying to get his coat on. All of it makes me think we should stop going out for dinner for a we may have to explore the world of take-out in the meantime. I don't mind cooking (and will hopefully enjoy it more in my new kitchen complete with a dishwasher), but I do need a break sometimes!
Anyway, when Jacob's generally sleeping well I don't mind as much getting up for a bit. It's the constant, night-after-night episodes that gradually exhaust me to the point that I feel like I just can't do it another night. And those are usually epic wake-ups too, the ones where he's crying so much that we're up wondering what the heck is wrong with him, and that stress is exhausting on its own. But when he's sleeping okay, I know that I can generally catch up on sleep a bit the next night, so a few minutes here or there isn't terrible. Even his lengthy coughing spell the other night could have been a lot worse had it fallen in the middle of a series of bad nights.
So, this morning around 4:30 I heard Jacob awake. He was whining a little but didn't sound desperate. But when he starting calling out, "Mommy!" louder and louder, I decided I should go in. When I got to his crib, he grabbed his teddy bear and tried to stand up to get to me. He fell over so I helped him stand up again and gave him a hug while he was still in his crib. But then he was saying, "Up, up..." which meant he wanted to be held. So I picked him up and rocked him. And....cue the lyrics above. He just wanted to be held and rocked, which was so sweet...and a nice departure from the crazy boy he was at dinner. It's always nice to get a reminder of the sweet boy he can be. Once he was a little drowsy again (and no longer finding a comfortable spot in my arms), I put him back into his crib and he snuggled right in. Ahhhh.
Those lyrics have been in my head ever since. Plumb is one of my favorite artists, consistently churning out CDs that I love. But 2-1/2 years ago she put out "Blink", and I was disappointed. It wasn't that the music wasn't great, but it didn't really connect with me. See, the whole CD was full of songs dedicated to her kids--Songs about them, lullabies for them, etc. And while it was pretty, it just didn't do it for me. In fact, I was trying to get pregnant at the time, and listening to it was just a frustrating reminder that it hadn't worked yet. And once I was pregnant, I still couldn't fully connect because most of the kid references in the songs were about living, breathing children. But once I became a mom, the CD took on a whole new meaning. I totally get it now and highly recommend it to anyone who has kids. Even though she's technically a Christian artist, you may have heard one of the singles from "Blink" on mainstream radio. It's called, "In My Arms", and it's all about wanting to protect your kids from the nasty outside world...and knowing you can't but savoring the time while you can still hold them and protect them from life's storms. It's good stuff, and the rest of the CD has more of the same. I seriously want to play it for baby #2 while it's in utero, just to have music it will instantly calm down to once it's been born. Of course, I said that about Jacob as well and that never happened. Oh well. Plenty of time to figure that out, since we still don't know how to pay for daycare for baby #2, which is the big dose of birth control on that front right now.
So, anyway, just a sweet little snippet of parenthood I wanted to share. Hope everyone stays safe from the approaching snowstorm!

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