Lately I feel like I'm having a hard time truly living in reality. Perhaps I'm denying it a bit because there's just a lot going on and it's hard to process it all. It may just be a mental coping mechanism, but whatever it is, sometimes it's hard to fathom some of what's going on these days.
For starters, I can hardly believe that in about four months, we'll have another baby in our family. It's hard to believe we're in our final months as a family of three, and that we'll have a tiny, helpless baby taking up much of our time by next spring. I see tiny baby clothes and can't believe our baby will be that small. I can't believe we're coming to the end of a period of relative freedom, including an ability to sleep through the night and even sometimes sleep in. I can't quite fathom that I need to pull the baby clothes back out and set up the pack-n-play in the only empty-ish spot of our living room. We have a lot to organize and set up in the next four months, and I can't quite wrap my brain around how we're going to get all of it done.
On Halloween I couldn't quite fathom that next year I'll be getting two little boys dressed up, and in a couple years I'll be walking up the street watching two costumed brothers go up to the doors together. I can only hope Jacob will be the doting older brother who can't wait to teach his little brother how to do it all right. When Jacob is being crazy, I can't quite figure out how I will deal with two kids acting like that. When he's being sweet, I look forward to the great moments with another child, but worry about not noticing enough of those sweet moments when I'm tired and preoccupied with a needy infant. How do you possibly give two kids the attention they need, when sometimes it's hard enough with one?
Even though my belly is rapidly expanding, it's hard to believe it's going to get a lot bigger, and then I'll have to go through labor and delivery again. I'll have to go through all of the baby stresses, the spit-up, the blowouts, the illnesses, and all of the steps that we've been relieved to get past with Jacob. We'll have to do all of it again. And who knows, this one might be way different. Oh, and in the next four months we need to find a name we like enough to use it hundreds of times a day for the foreseeable future. Yikes.
More immediately, our reality has been back and forth a bunch of times in regards to our trip to Florida. In a matter of days we were supposed to be on a plane for a week at Disney with Craig's whole family. The trip has been in the works for almost a year. This is the one best time of year for all of us to go. A trip for 11 people takes a lot of planning and coordination, and with Craig's work schedule it was no small task to find a time of year that worked for everyone where it wasn't also insanely hot in Florida. The trip had been planned for months, but then last weekend Craig's mom needed emergency surgery. Fortunately, by all accounts she's going to be fine and we're relieved that it wasn't more serious. The bad news is that she can't travel for a month. And once that month is up, we'll be in the midst of not only Craig's busy season, but also the holidays. We put a lot of potential dates out there, hoping we could rebook it sometime in December or early January, but between Craig's schedule, blackout dates, and Disney being totally booked, there just isn't a good time. The only option we've been given at this point that works for everyone else is the first week of February. However, Craig has three games in eight days right around those dates, and I will be 35 weeks pregnant...meaning I'd be just one week away from the usual cut-off for flying at 36 weeks. I also can't quite fathom walking around Disney that late in my pregnancy, and the risk of flying that close to my due date scares the crap out of me. I went 10 days early last time and I'm pretty sure I'm getting bigger more quickly this time around. I've been a bit more uncomfortable so far, and taking all of those things into consideration, I don't trust my body one bit. So, at this point it appears we won't be going to Florida anytime soon. It's a major bummer, for sure. Ultimately, it just can't be helped. Obviously there was nothing that could be done about Craig's mom's ailment. It came out of nowhere and there's nothing that could have prevented it. And really, it wouldn't have been that big of a deal if any one of the elements impacting the scheduling were different. We have a convergence of two major holidays, Craig's busy season, and my pregnancy. Take any one of those elements away, and rescheduling would be significantly easier.
Anyway, our reality went from a week in Florida, to postponing it for a bit, to not having it at all. When it was scheduled it was hard to believe we'd be soaking up the sun in Florida while it was chilly and blah back home...but it was happening. And now suddenly it's back to being nothing more than a fantasy. It's like when I have a realistic dream where I'm heading off to some amazing destination, then wake up and realize that it was just a dream. It's disappointing, but again, there's nothing we can do about the "perfect storm" that left us so short on options, so there's no sense getting overly upset. Fortunately, Jacob seems relatively unphased. He may ask down the road when we're going there, but he hasn't really mentioned it since we told him we couldn't go (yet). Guess we dodged a bullet there. But now I need to find time to utilize these last five vacation days before the end of the year, on top of the days I'm already using around Christmas. I want to use them well since I have so much I could do in these next couple months--for both the holidays and the baby--but scheduling around work on the fly is a lot harder than having set vacation plans and having to stick to them.
So, yeah...there's a lot going on right now and my brain can't quite process it all sometimes. This baby is coming and we have a lot to do in the next few months. We won't quite have the last hurrah we were hoping for, but we have plenty to think about in the meantime. We'll get there eventually...I hope.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Not worth it...
Earlier today a college friend of mine posed a question on Facebook about whether or not people let their babies sleep on their bellies. She did it with her second child and is now considering it with her third, who was born a month ago. Since no one else had commented yet, I did. I said that I was always very paranoid about it, and the only time Jacob slept on his belly was when he was laying on Craig or me. That's probably why he slept so soundly on us all the time, but I felt OK about that only because we were right there and perhaps I subconsciously hoped that he'd be somehow stimulated enough by our mere presence that he'd just keep breathing.
In case you've been living in a cave or haven't raised a child in 20 or so years, they now recommend that you put your baby to sleep on their back because it reduces the risk of SIDS. SIDS was probably one of my top three fears as a new mother, and I'm sure it will be again. There's nothing more torturous than the thought of losing your precious new baby to something so unavoidable (assuming you're following the rules) and without real cause. I feel horrible for people whose babies accidentally suffocate from blankets and stuff, because the guilt must be terrible, but in a case like that it was avoidable so it's more frustrating than anything. I feel worse for the people whose babies just pass away without warning, without cause. It absolutely paralyzes me with fear to even think about it. I was so nuts about it the first time around that I was constantly rolling Jacob back over onto his back once he learned to flip on his own, even though conventional wisdom says that they should be fine once they can roll themselves.
Anyway, much to my surprise, a number of people came out and proudly said that they do let their babies sleep on their bellies. I'm not trying to be judgy, because the whole judgy mom thing in the blog world can be so infuriating. But I tend to think it's more infuriating when it's a six-of-one/half-dozen-of-the-other situation like breastfeeding vs. formula or homemade food vs. store-bought. Neither of those things has life-threatening implications, so who cares which you choose? Whether you choose one or the other, your kid is still going to be fine. And while I understand that the vast majority of belly sleeping babies end up fine, there are plenty of statistics that show that some don't.
In this day and age, you often hear people say, "We didn't do _______ back in the day, and we all turned out fine." And in a lot of cases, I agree. We do tend to be overly careful now. But there are some things where I want to come back with, "Well, there are a lot of kids that aren't fine because of _____." One example of this is car seats. We had crappy car seats (if we had one at all) years ago. We sat in the front seat when we were little, and didn't stay in boosters until we were nearly five feet tall. And yes, I'm here and you're here. But how many of our peers are not? How many kids were killed in car accidents due to inadequate restraints? We know better now so we try to do better with our kids.
Maybe I'm just paranoid, but I find it so hard to believe that people would knowingly risk their child's safety like that. Again, I know the odds are small, but I could never live with myself if I knowingly let my child sleep like that and something happened. Sleep is so important, especially for babies with colic or other ailments, but is it worth the risk, knowing that the statistics are out there? One commenter even said, "God is in control." Obviously that's the case, and I suppose if it's my baby's time, nothing is going to change that. However, in my opinion that's sort of like those people that won't go to doctors or medicate their kids because they're going to pray until they're healed. God provided doctors with the skills to save people, so why couldn't they be considered the answer to prayer? There's also the story about someone trapped in a boat, praying to God to save them, and they kept telling passing boaters that they didn't need their help because God would save them...even though God was the one that sent the boaters to save them! Obviously this is a much less risky issue than the people praying for healing, but if the research is out there and we know there are ways to reduce the risk of SIDS, why fly in the face of that and trust that our judgment is better just because God's in control? I'd rather do everything in my power to protect my child and pray God would honor that effort, than take my chances and possibly regret it later.
Again, I don't want to judge because every parent needs to do what they're comfortable with, but when the consequences are so huge, I have a hard time understanding the riskier choice. I feel the same way about women that eat cold cuts during pregnancy. No, the odds of getting listeria aren't high, but if you do get it, it can do a ton of damage. Why take that risk if the answer is something as simple as avoiding it? I know that everyone says how much better babies sleep like that, and God knows at times you can be desperate for sleep. But just because the baby likes it doesn't mean it's good for them. After all, Jacob would like to eat all of his Halloween candy, too, but that doesn't mean he should.
Perhaps I was extra worried because Jacob had respiratory problems pretty much from the beginning and I was scared enough by those, let alone by belly sleeping. Between the fluid in his lungs when he was born and his bout of bronchiolitis when he was a couple months old, he didn't need anything else impeding his ability to breathe. Add in that a professional athlete lost his baby who was about Jacob's same age when he was just a few months old (if that), and I was probably about as paranoid as one could be. So maybe that clouds my judgment. But no amount of sleep is worth risking my baby's life, and the guilt I'd feel for the rest of my life would give me far more sleepless nights anyway.
Again, parents need to do what's best for them AND their baby, but before all these confident "I slept that way and I'm still here" folks put their baby down on their belly, I sure hope they've read the research and know the facts.
Sorry, just needed to get that off my chest.
In case you've been living in a cave or haven't raised a child in 20 or so years, they now recommend that you put your baby to sleep on their back because it reduces the risk of SIDS. SIDS was probably one of my top three fears as a new mother, and I'm sure it will be again. There's nothing more torturous than the thought of losing your precious new baby to something so unavoidable (assuming you're following the rules) and without real cause. I feel horrible for people whose babies accidentally suffocate from blankets and stuff, because the guilt must be terrible, but in a case like that it was avoidable so it's more frustrating than anything. I feel worse for the people whose babies just pass away without warning, without cause. It absolutely paralyzes me with fear to even think about it. I was so nuts about it the first time around that I was constantly rolling Jacob back over onto his back once he learned to flip on his own, even though conventional wisdom says that they should be fine once they can roll themselves.
Anyway, much to my surprise, a number of people came out and proudly said that they do let their babies sleep on their bellies. I'm not trying to be judgy, because the whole judgy mom thing in the blog world can be so infuriating. But I tend to think it's more infuriating when it's a six-of-one/half-dozen-of-the-other situation like breastfeeding vs. formula or homemade food vs. store-bought. Neither of those things has life-threatening implications, so who cares which you choose? Whether you choose one or the other, your kid is still going to be fine. And while I understand that the vast majority of belly sleeping babies end up fine, there are plenty of statistics that show that some don't.
In this day and age, you often hear people say, "We didn't do _______ back in the day, and we all turned out fine." And in a lot of cases, I agree. We do tend to be overly careful now. But there are some things where I want to come back with, "Well, there are a lot of kids that aren't fine because of _____." One example of this is car seats. We had crappy car seats (if we had one at all) years ago. We sat in the front seat when we were little, and didn't stay in boosters until we were nearly five feet tall. And yes, I'm here and you're here. But how many of our peers are not? How many kids were killed in car accidents due to inadequate restraints? We know better now so we try to do better with our kids.
Maybe I'm just paranoid, but I find it so hard to believe that people would knowingly risk their child's safety like that. Again, I know the odds are small, but I could never live with myself if I knowingly let my child sleep like that and something happened. Sleep is so important, especially for babies with colic or other ailments, but is it worth the risk, knowing that the statistics are out there? One commenter even said, "God is in control." Obviously that's the case, and I suppose if it's my baby's time, nothing is going to change that. However, in my opinion that's sort of like those people that won't go to doctors or medicate their kids because they're going to pray until they're healed. God provided doctors with the skills to save people, so why couldn't they be considered the answer to prayer? There's also the story about someone trapped in a boat, praying to God to save them, and they kept telling passing boaters that they didn't need their help because God would save them...even though God was the one that sent the boaters to save them! Obviously this is a much less risky issue than the people praying for healing, but if the research is out there and we know there are ways to reduce the risk of SIDS, why fly in the face of that and trust that our judgment is better just because God's in control? I'd rather do everything in my power to protect my child and pray God would honor that effort, than take my chances and possibly regret it later.
Again, I don't want to judge because every parent needs to do what they're comfortable with, but when the consequences are so huge, I have a hard time understanding the riskier choice. I feel the same way about women that eat cold cuts during pregnancy. No, the odds of getting listeria aren't high, but if you do get it, it can do a ton of damage. Why take that risk if the answer is something as simple as avoiding it? I know that everyone says how much better babies sleep like that, and God knows at times you can be desperate for sleep. But just because the baby likes it doesn't mean it's good for them. After all, Jacob would like to eat all of his Halloween candy, too, but that doesn't mean he should.
Perhaps I was extra worried because Jacob had respiratory problems pretty much from the beginning and I was scared enough by those, let alone by belly sleeping. Between the fluid in his lungs when he was born and his bout of bronchiolitis when he was a couple months old, he didn't need anything else impeding his ability to breathe. Add in that a professional athlete lost his baby who was about Jacob's same age when he was just a few months old (if that), and I was probably about as paranoid as one could be. So maybe that clouds my judgment. But no amount of sleep is worth risking my baby's life, and the guilt I'd feel for the rest of my life would give me far more sleepless nights anyway.
Again, parents need to do what's best for them AND their baby, but before all these confident "I slept that way and I'm still here" folks put their baby down on their belly, I sure hope they've read the research and know the facts.
Sorry, just needed to get that off my chest.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Halloween and the Hurricane
It's been a busy few days. Monday started a little iffy because I realized a little bit into the morning that I was experiencing some pain in the vicinity of my left kidney. Nothing bad, just generally uncomfortable. Given that I just had a UTI, I decided to call the doctor and get their thoughts. They wanted me to come in, so I went out at lunch for a check. My urine didn't show any normal signs of an infection, but there was a bit of blood in it--nothing obvious, just traces. That can be caused by a lot of things, even something as simple as lifting something too heavy. I still haven't heard back officially, which I'll take as a good sign. I have my scheduled appointment on Monday, so at least I can follow up then. Things have been fine in the meantime, other than being a little sore, which could be my own fault from overdoing it for a few days. Like I said, we've been busy.
Obviously the other big thing earlier this week was Superstorm Sandy. My heart breaks for the folks downstate and along the East Coast. Having just been to the Jersey Shore last year, it saddens me to see the devastation there. We came through the storm unscathed here, and actually, it was less terrifying than other storms in recent memory. Monday evening I left work a little early to go to Jacob's daycare open house, and I was actually happy I did because the rain and wind were getting a bit worse by the time I got there. They ended up postponing the open house due to the weather, so we ended up having an early evening at home for a change.
We started pumpkin carving that night as the winds howled outside. I scooped out the guts of the pumpkins, and Jacob tried to be helpful. In the end he probably didn't scoop out much, but he put on a good show and stuck it out for longer than usual. He really wanted to do some cutting, but even though we use dull knives, I still don't think he's ready for that! He bailed, though, before we got to the faces, and it was bedtime by the time I was at that point anyway, so I put that off until Tuesday.
The storm itself involved a lot of rain. The wind was pretty strong, too, but for whatever reason it didn't scare me as much as usual. Perhaps it didn't make the house creak as much as usual because the winds were coming from a different direction, or maybe I just knew that they weren't forecasting winds as strong as other storms we've seen recently. Even still, it ended up being a rough night. I slept pretty well until a little after 2am, at which point I woke up to silence and darkness, along with the beeping of our phone, as the power went out. Well, it flashed on and off about 10 times in 10 seconds, and then went out. Jacob woke up around 4am and realized the power was out (since his nightlight, humidifier, and monitor were all off, leaving just his little Toy Story alien light as his nightlight). I assured him everything was fine, and he went right back to sleep. Still, I woke up quite a bit for the rest of the night and confirmed our power was still out. First thing in the morning I woke up and used my phone to check if daycare was closed or if there was anything important we should know about the storm. But things were pretty much normal aside from a ton of school closures, so I got up, showered in the dark (leaving my hair dry since I couldn't use a blow dryer), and got back to business as usual. I think our power came back on sometime late Tuesday morning...and thank goodness, since I had some baking to do for today's Halloween bash at work. We saw a couple branches down here and there, as well as an entire uprooted tree around the corner, but for the most part our area escaped any significant damage.
Last night I went to the gym and might have overdone it a bit. I didn't work out too hard, exactly, but I'm still exploring what my body can and can't do at this point. Some muscles still work the same, some don't. My belly/core area is extra hard to work with. I'm avoiding straight ab exercises but still trying to work my core and obliques a bit to maintain some strength there. Going to class is a little challenging at times since you can only alter so many exercises, but I want to keep it up as long as I can since I did it 7-1/2 months last time! Back at home I made dinner, carved faces in our pumpkins, ironed Jacob's costume, and made two loaves of monkey bread for my office.
Carving faces was a challenge. I was trying to involve Jacob, but he couldn't really draw me a picture of what he wanted. He wanted a skeleton originally, then got the idea to do a pirate. We argued for a while about the test face I drew, but I finally got him to agree to it. That didn't stop him from critiquing me while I carved, though. I finally got some ideas for my pumpkin as well, and finished them up right before Jacob's bedtime. Here's the finished product...
After a lot of work last night, I was up early again this morning to ensure we were ready for Halloween. Craig was also up early for a work commitment. I didn't wear a costume this year because the belly was a challenge and I just couldn't come up with anything inspiring to work with my in-between size--I couldn't wear sexy costumes, I didn't want to wear some giant foam costume, and painting my belly was just not an option. I wore a sequined orange tank, black cardigan, skinny jeans, and high boots instead, along with some pumpkin earrings from my Grandma's collection. At least I was festive! Jacob, on the other hand, was very excited to wear his costume to daycare. And oh, he looked so cute. After mentioning about 400 other costumes in the last year, he ended up as a policeman when we couldn't find the pirate he wanted in his size. He was happy with the cop, though, since it meant he got a whistle, among other things. I also outfitted him with handcuffs (long story) and a very fake looking squirt gun.
 |
| Ready to go! |
I had told him he could have two treats when we got home, and he promptly settled himself in the kitchen with a box of Nerds that he dumped on a napkin (all on his own!) and a Kit Kat (that he later exchanged for a pack of Sixlets). He was very eager to watch the other trick-or-treaters come to our door. We had a good amount (though I swear they come in in carloads from somewhere else...), and still left ourselves with a tolerable amount of candy. Just enough! Despite the limited treats, Jacob was pretty hyped up and popped out of his room at 10pm to inform us he didn't need one of his stuffed animals. Ugh. We'll see how tomorrow goes!
All in all, it was a good Halloween. It's been a busy few days, so hopefully we can fit in a little relaxation before the weekend!
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Pumpkins!
OK, so I pretty much feel like we failed fall this year, simply because we didn't get to a real pumpkin farm. Between various other weekend activities and iffy weather, the pumpkin farm thing didn't happen. It's usually the highlight of our fall, so it stinks that we didn't get to do it. But then again, we went to Atlanta this fall, so there's that. Jacob did get to go to a pumpkin farm on Friday, though, so he had fun jumping in corn and hay, going on a hayride, and picking out his own little pumpkin. So, while we didn't get to see it, at least he got to do that stuff with his friends.
However, we still needed a big pumpkin to carve. Obviously this weekend was not ideal for going outside (thank you, yucky storm that's about to form the "Frankenstorm" with Hurricane Sandy), so we headed to a nearby garden center that does indoor activities. We went there last year and had fun, but I was hesitant to pay for anything last year since we'd already done a slightly pricey trip to a real pumpkin farm. This year I was open to doing more activities since we hadn't had anything else going on. Of course, Jacob is my child, so that didn't work out quite as planned, but we still had fun.
He liked this old fire truck, but was very curious about where they keep their oxygen tanks. I think he's been spending too much time with his Lego firefighters and their equipment!
Initially he wanted to ride the little ferris wheel they had, but when he realized I couldn't go on with him (it was little), he changed his mind. He opted for the big slide instead, and while he ultimately seemed to like it, the zoomed version of this picture shows quite the concerned look on his face!
I would have gone on with him, but wasn't sure how the bump where the slide itself ended would feel while pregnant. It's also not particularly comfortable to have Jacob sitting in front of me these days. He was such a big boy going up there solo, though!
None of the other rides or crafts interested him. He did show a bit of interest on one of those "throw the ping pong ball into the fishbowl to win a fish" games, but I told him I'd rather take him to the pet store and buy him a heartier fish once he's old enough to be responsible for feeding it. Sorry, I know that's no fun, but for the $2 and very small odds of winning, it's true.
We did pay a couple bucks to go into the petting zoo. We saw the most adorable tiny pigs...
And adorable tiny pygmy goats...
And a llama...
And really hungry goats who stuck their necks through the fencing...
We also saw some interesting chickens and some bunnies. For a buck you could feed one type of animal. Originally Jacob wanted to try the llama, but the llama wasn't hungry when we tried so we exchanged our food for pig food. That was a little awkward since they had a hard time getting their snouts through the fence, but it was fun to try.
We finally decided we'd seen enough, and grabbed a cart to pick out our pumpkin. Along the way I dropped Jacob into the middle of the pumpkins to snap a couple pictures. I liked them all, but here are the three best...two of which feature his fire helmet from the Gates Fire Department...
We also grabbed a quick photo op in a couple of the face cut-out stand-ups. I liked this one with Jacob as Frankenstein...
As a whole he was a very good boy while we were there. He wasn't really into a lot of the activities, but beyond his hesitance, he was very good. Right when we were ready to leave (not coincidentally, it was right around his normal naptime), he did get a little cranky and difficult for no apparent reason. But we made it home, ate lunch, and I finally got him down for a nap.
We had a pretty low-key weekend otherwise. Craig was on the road this weekend, first for work and then to spend time with his mom who ended up having unexpected surgery (she should be fine but has a bit of a recovery ahead of her, which is most likely going to postpone our Florida trip--bummer). Last night Jacob and I hung out, put on a movie, and did his nebulizer treatment before bedtime to prevent the coughing fits he's been having. And for the first time since we started them the other night, he made it all the way through the night without one. Whew. Today we went to church, where Jacob found out that he is supposed to dress up like an angel for the Christmas pageant. I don't know when it is yet, but knowing us, who knows if we're even going to be here. Regardless, he was not amused by the concept and insisted he'd rather be Captain America. Hmmm...can't quite picture him visiting the stable, for some reason. So, that will be an interesting battle one of these days. He took a long enough nap this afternoon that I managed to watch an entire movie ("Letters to Juliet"--predictable but cute) that I'd had on the DVR since June. That almost never happens! Add today's laundry and newspaper reading to yesterday's craft projects (two!) and organizing six months worth of photos (getting them printed, backing them up, and clearing off our card), and it was a pretty productive yet relaxing enough weekend.
Now onto another week...daycare open house tomorrow, Halloween on Wednesday, and a "monster" storm to keep an eye on. Should keep us plenty busy...
Friday, October 26, 2012
Possibly the only political-ish post you will ever see here...
This election is making me nuts. I cannot wait until November 6th has come and gone. And not just because we'll be off to (hopefully) warmth and sun in Florida two days later. The bickering and crankiness all over, from TV to social media, is making me crazy. I haven't gone so far as to block anyone on Facebook, but there are people I know to just skip over for the time being. From my perspective, neither candidate is any sort of solution. I may be a registered Republican, but it doesn't mean I agree with Romney on everything. I also don't believe Obama has been the savior everyone thought he'd be. Usually by about this time in the election, I'm almost like, "Let the chips fall where they may...and four years from now we'll see who was right." I felt that way last time, and this time it's much the same. That sentiment may be because I live in a state where my vote doesn't matter anyway--with the electoral college, Obama easily wins New York no matter what. If things ever go to a popular vote, I may care more, but politics in general just make me shut down and run the other way. I should care, and in the end I do, but all of the promises and good intentions mean nothing once someone's in office and dealing with the limitations and politics of the position.
Anyway, what does all of this have to do with the parenting slant of this blog? Well...this morning as I was driving in to work, for some reason I got to thinking about the abortion issue. Obviously, being pregnant at the moment, abortion is sort of a more vivid topic for me. Even when I'm not pregnant, I have an opinion, but being pregnant adds a whole other perspective. In general, my feelings on the issue are that I believe that killing an unborn baby is wrong. I don't even think that's specifically a religious stand--I think that harming any human life is inherently immoral, no matter what deity you believe in (or don't). I think we can all pretty much say that walking up to someone on the street and killing them is wrong. So why is it OK to kill a baby that's still in the womb? Why does being born and taking a breath make a baby more "real" when their heart has already been beating away for nearly nine months?
I can't say that I'm not a little pro-choice...because, after all, there are scenarios I can't even fathom, situations where perhaps my opinion would change if it was happening to me. I also don't think it's wise to ban all abortions and cause women to take matters into their own hands. In school I remember learning about Roe v. Wade and how women would do the back alley, coat hanger abortions when they couldn't get one legally. I don't think that's a good option either, because in this day and age you'll have women drugging, drinking, or harming themselves into an abortion, which isn't good for anyone, including the healthcare industry or society in general. In cases of rape, incest, or the health of the mother, I think there are certainly cases to be made, particularly because the mental and physical anguish caused by some of those situations could be so incredibly damaging that it could destroy the mother anyway, taking the baby right with her.
A while back I was intrigued (but ultimately not a fan of) Texas' policy of making women go through a transvaginal ultrasound prior to getting an abortion. I got a couple of those types of ultrasounds when we were going through the fertility stuff last spring. Admittedly, they're a bit invasive compared to a standard ultrasound, but in general it's pretty painless and no worse than a standard OB/GYN exam. I do believe that women should be counseled and educated prior to undergoing an abortion. I think it's important that they understand the risks to their health, and that it's clear that they're aborting a real baby with actual body parts, not just a cluster of cells. I had an ultrasound at just over six weeks, when this baby was TINY (somewhere between the size of a lentil and a blueberry), and it already looked like a baby. And it had a heartbeat. We could see it and we could hear it. That, folks, is amazing. I would have a really hard time aborting a baby upon seeing that. And for a while I didn't understand why Texas would go so far as to mandate a transvaginal ultrasound (instead of a standard one), but now I'm wondering if it's because they're more sensitive and give a better chance and showing the woman what she's aborting. I don't know. I hope it's not just a humiliation tactic. I mentioned in this blog last time I was pregnant about the movie "Juno" and how she decided not to abort when someone told her her baby had fingernails. I often wonder how many other people would have a similar response if they knew just how formed their baby was at any given moment. Some won't have their minds changed for anything, but perhaps with education some might think twice.
At the same time, I'm well aware that nine months is a long time to live with a "mistake" and it's a major commitment, particularly if a pregnancy isn't something you're fully on board for. It's hard work. I am all for women giving babies up for adoption if they can, but I also don't want to see babies born with defects or disabilities because the mother decided she didn't care what she did to her body during pregnancy. I'm not saying those lives aren't worth saving, too, but that's a grayer area for sure because quality of life is a question and the demand for special needs adoption isn't as high. If I was raped, I don't know how I would feel about carrying around a reminder for nine months, just to give that baby away to someone else. There's emotional baggage with adoptions, too, but then again I'm not sure I'd want the baggage of knowing I terminated a real life, either.
Last time I was pregnant I marveled at how miraculous this process is. To think that my body can create and grow a baby, that all the cells know what they need to do to form the various parts...it's mind-boggling. It is, to me, evidence of God's existence. It's just too amazing a process to result from chance. But something that amazed me even further this morning is the realization that science has never created a true substitute uterus. At least, I've never heard of it. And imagine the uses it could have! Infertile women could use them to grow a baby without going through the surrogate process. Imagine if women with cancer could somehow transfer their pregnancy to a mechanical uterus so they could undergo treatment sooner. Think how amazing it would be for scientists to have a front row seat to watch a baby grow from start to finish. But yet...it doesn't exist. It just shows that the uterus is the perfectly created home for a baby, and it's unable to be truly duplicated. If science is yet unable to do that, it makes me think that there's far more to it than science could ever explain, you know? That tells me there's a divine element there somewhere that is beyond human comprehension or ability. We can go to space, see the tiniest objects in the universe, and even create the beginnings of babies from cells...but we still can't sustain them outside a human body until they've grown to a certain point.
Pregnancy is a miracle, possibly the closest we can get to a miracle on a regular basis. I understand that it's not for everyone, and that fact saddens me. There are so many people who can't have children, so to see unwanted ones go to waste is heartbreaking. But like the disconnect between the food on our table and the so-called "starving children in Africa", just because there's an unwanted baby with one woman doesn't mean that it's a simple process to get that baby into eagerly waiting arms elsewhere. I wish that everyone had the same moral convictions as I do, but that's just not the case. It boggles my mind to think that anyone can believe that aborting a baby isn't just another version of murder, but we often tend to focus on what's known and default to that, which is why the mother and her needs normally get precedence over an unborn child. But that life is precious, and the experience of going through two pregnancies really makes me realize that more than ever.
I don't know who will win the election, but I do pray that whoever wins will find a way to maximize the number of happy mothers and children that do result from pregnancy. It's too miraculous an experience to waste.
Anyway, what does all of this have to do with the parenting slant of this blog? Well...this morning as I was driving in to work, for some reason I got to thinking about the abortion issue. Obviously, being pregnant at the moment, abortion is sort of a more vivid topic for me. Even when I'm not pregnant, I have an opinion, but being pregnant adds a whole other perspective. In general, my feelings on the issue are that I believe that killing an unborn baby is wrong. I don't even think that's specifically a religious stand--I think that harming any human life is inherently immoral, no matter what deity you believe in (or don't). I think we can all pretty much say that walking up to someone on the street and killing them is wrong. So why is it OK to kill a baby that's still in the womb? Why does being born and taking a breath make a baby more "real" when their heart has already been beating away for nearly nine months?
I can't say that I'm not a little pro-choice...because, after all, there are scenarios I can't even fathom, situations where perhaps my opinion would change if it was happening to me. I also don't think it's wise to ban all abortions and cause women to take matters into their own hands. In school I remember learning about Roe v. Wade and how women would do the back alley, coat hanger abortions when they couldn't get one legally. I don't think that's a good option either, because in this day and age you'll have women drugging, drinking, or harming themselves into an abortion, which isn't good for anyone, including the healthcare industry or society in general. In cases of rape, incest, or the health of the mother, I think there are certainly cases to be made, particularly because the mental and physical anguish caused by some of those situations could be so incredibly damaging that it could destroy the mother anyway, taking the baby right with her.
A while back I was intrigued (but ultimately not a fan of) Texas' policy of making women go through a transvaginal ultrasound prior to getting an abortion. I got a couple of those types of ultrasounds when we were going through the fertility stuff last spring. Admittedly, they're a bit invasive compared to a standard ultrasound, but in general it's pretty painless and no worse than a standard OB/GYN exam. I do believe that women should be counseled and educated prior to undergoing an abortion. I think it's important that they understand the risks to their health, and that it's clear that they're aborting a real baby with actual body parts, not just a cluster of cells. I had an ultrasound at just over six weeks, when this baby was TINY (somewhere between the size of a lentil and a blueberry), and it already looked like a baby. And it had a heartbeat. We could see it and we could hear it. That, folks, is amazing. I would have a really hard time aborting a baby upon seeing that. And for a while I didn't understand why Texas would go so far as to mandate a transvaginal ultrasound (instead of a standard one), but now I'm wondering if it's because they're more sensitive and give a better chance and showing the woman what she's aborting. I don't know. I hope it's not just a humiliation tactic. I mentioned in this blog last time I was pregnant about the movie "Juno" and how she decided not to abort when someone told her her baby had fingernails. I often wonder how many other people would have a similar response if they knew just how formed their baby was at any given moment. Some won't have their minds changed for anything, but perhaps with education some might think twice.
At the same time, I'm well aware that nine months is a long time to live with a "mistake" and it's a major commitment, particularly if a pregnancy isn't something you're fully on board for. It's hard work. I am all for women giving babies up for adoption if they can, but I also don't want to see babies born with defects or disabilities because the mother decided she didn't care what she did to her body during pregnancy. I'm not saying those lives aren't worth saving, too, but that's a grayer area for sure because quality of life is a question and the demand for special needs adoption isn't as high. If I was raped, I don't know how I would feel about carrying around a reminder for nine months, just to give that baby away to someone else. There's emotional baggage with adoptions, too, but then again I'm not sure I'd want the baggage of knowing I terminated a real life, either.
Last time I was pregnant I marveled at how miraculous this process is. To think that my body can create and grow a baby, that all the cells know what they need to do to form the various parts...it's mind-boggling. It is, to me, evidence of God's existence. It's just too amazing a process to result from chance. But something that amazed me even further this morning is the realization that science has never created a true substitute uterus. At least, I've never heard of it. And imagine the uses it could have! Infertile women could use them to grow a baby without going through the surrogate process. Imagine if women with cancer could somehow transfer their pregnancy to a mechanical uterus so they could undergo treatment sooner. Think how amazing it would be for scientists to have a front row seat to watch a baby grow from start to finish. But yet...it doesn't exist. It just shows that the uterus is the perfectly created home for a baby, and it's unable to be truly duplicated. If science is yet unable to do that, it makes me think that there's far more to it than science could ever explain, you know? That tells me there's a divine element there somewhere that is beyond human comprehension or ability. We can go to space, see the tiniest objects in the universe, and even create the beginnings of babies from cells...but we still can't sustain them outside a human body until they've grown to a certain point.
Pregnancy is a miracle, possibly the closest we can get to a miracle on a regular basis. I understand that it's not for everyone, and that fact saddens me. There are so many people who can't have children, so to see unwanted ones go to waste is heartbreaking. But like the disconnect between the food on our table and the so-called "starving children in Africa", just because there's an unwanted baby with one woman doesn't mean that it's a simple process to get that baby into eagerly waiting arms elsewhere. I wish that everyone had the same moral convictions as I do, but that's just not the case. It boggles my mind to think that anyone can believe that aborting a baby isn't just another version of murder, but we often tend to focus on what's known and default to that, which is why the mother and her needs normally get precedence over an unborn child. But that life is precious, and the experience of going through two pregnancies really makes me realize that more than ever.
I don't know who will win the election, but I do pray that whoever wins will find a way to maximize the number of happy mothers and children that do result from pregnancy. It's too miraculous an experience to waste.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Overanalyzing Baby Names
When Craig and I first dated, we decided on baby names. It was an entirely accidental conversation early in our relationship, but we nonetheless agreed on two names and left it at that. Those names remained intact for a good five years or so, until a friend of ours stole our boy name. That sort of ruined it for us for a few reasons, so we pretty much ditched that name right there. At the same time, our girl name was falling out of favor because it was getting to be far too popular. I was far more hesitant to name a girl something popular than a boy because boys come by nicknames easier and I think girls would end up with more of an identity crisis if they were in a class with multiple girls with the same name.
When we got pregnant for the first time, we almost instantly decided on names. It took a little bit of researching, but in the end it was quick. We liked the name Jacob and as an added bonus it had a bit of a family connection on my side, going way back. Our girl name actually came from a movie and also had a bonus family connection on Craig's side. Jacob's full name was a done deal, but we never did come up with a middle name for a girl. I was actually a little relieved when Jacob was born because I knew we knew the name and didn't have to debate middle names in the midst of being new parents. But in both cases, there was no question that those were our names.
In the four-plus years that followed, I was worried about the second time around. I wasn't sure I wanted to stick with our girl name, and coming up with another boy name we liked as much seemed daunting. I kept hoping that a name would pop out and take us by storm, but that never happened. My take on names is that boy names are boring but considerably harder to screw up. Girl names seem to have a broader range and more potential for fun, but at the same time they seem to have larger consequences. I feel like girl names come with connotations. There are obvious ones that sound like they should be announced in the presence of a stripper pole. There are ones that sound like old ladies or plain Janes. Sometimes people get extra creative with spellings and seemingly lower their daughter's IQ by about 10 points right off the bat. Maybe that's not fair, but it just seems that girl names have greater meaning attached to them from the get-go.
Boy or girl, I do tend to cringe when I see a name that just doesn't seem like it will transition to adulthood well. For example, someone at Jacob's daycare had a little girl that they named "Harlie". It's a cute name and all, but I have a hard time picturing that name as the CEO of a major company. I think the same thing when I see a boy name made girlier with the addition of an "-ie" or a "-y" where there wasn't originally, like Jaymes or Jessie. There's already enough to worry about when naming your baby, what with bullying potential and all. There are nicknames and odd initials to consider. You have to consider how it goes with your older child's name--you want it to coordinate, but not be too close. You don't want a mouthful when calling everyone to dinner, but you also don't want a muffled yell making two kids ask for clarification on who you were actually calling. It's a lot to think about.
This time around, without immediate preferences, I told Craig we couldn't even talk about baby names until we knew the gender. No need to argue about two genders when we'd have a few months to focus on one. Now that we know Riblet's a boy, of course every girl name sounds lovely and all of the boy names are doing nothing for me. I looked through a long list yesterday, and while there are names I like, there aren't really any names that I like for our child. Either they don't go with our last name, I wouldn't have the guts to go that different, or it's a name of someone we already know and most likely we wouldn't want to reuse it. But I figured if I wrote down the ones I liked, maybe that would make it easier to come up with a good one at some point.
But so far there's nothing jumping out at us. It could be one heck of a battle. I just hope something sticks and we love it as much as we love Jacob's name. It's a big challenge and a big commitment. And this time around, it scares me to death!
When we got pregnant for the first time, we almost instantly decided on names. It took a little bit of researching, but in the end it was quick. We liked the name Jacob and as an added bonus it had a bit of a family connection on my side, going way back. Our girl name actually came from a movie and also had a bonus family connection on Craig's side. Jacob's full name was a done deal, but we never did come up with a middle name for a girl. I was actually a little relieved when Jacob was born because I knew we knew the name and didn't have to debate middle names in the midst of being new parents. But in both cases, there was no question that those were our names.
In the four-plus years that followed, I was worried about the second time around. I wasn't sure I wanted to stick with our girl name, and coming up with another boy name we liked as much seemed daunting. I kept hoping that a name would pop out and take us by storm, but that never happened. My take on names is that boy names are boring but considerably harder to screw up. Girl names seem to have a broader range and more potential for fun, but at the same time they seem to have larger consequences. I feel like girl names come with connotations. There are obvious ones that sound like they should be announced in the presence of a stripper pole. There are ones that sound like old ladies or plain Janes. Sometimes people get extra creative with spellings and seemingly lower their daughter's IQ by about 10 points right off the bat. Maybe that's not fair, but it just seems that girl names have greater meaning attached to them from the get-go.
Boy or girl, I do tend to cringe when I see a name that just doesn't seem like it will transition to adulthood well. For example, someone at Jacob's daycare had a little girl that they named "Harlie". It's a cute name and all, but I have a hard time picturing that name as the CEO of a major company. I think the same thing when I see a boy name made girlier with the addition of an "-ie" or a "-y" where there wasn't originally, like Jaymes or Jessie. There's already enough to worry about when naming your baby, what with bullying potential and all. There are nicknames and odd initials to consider. You have to consider how it goes with your older child's name--you want it to coordinate, but not be too close. You don't want a mouthful when calling everyone to dinner, but you also don't want a muffled yell making two kids ask for clarification on who you were actually calling. It's a lot to think about.
This time around, without immediate preferences, I told Craig we couldn't even talk about baby names until we knew the gender. No need to argue about two genders when we'd have a few months to focus on one. Now that we know Riblet's a boy, of course every girl name sounds lovely and all of the boy names are doing nothing for me. I looked through a long list yesterday, and while there are names I like, there aren't really any names that I like for our child. Either they don't go with our last name, I wouldn't have the guts to go that different, or it's a name of someone we already know and most likely we wouldn't want to reuse it. But I figured if I wrote down the ones I liked, maybe that would make it easier to come up with a good one at some point.
But so far there's nothing jumping out at us. It could be one heck of a battle. I just hope something sticks and we love it as much as we love Jacob's name. It's a big challenge and a big commitment. And this time around, it scares me to death!
Monday, October 22, 2012
Skinny Jeans and other Randomness...
I am wearing skinny jeans in public for the first time today. Six months ago I probably would have thought I was nuts to ever do that, let alone do it while pregnant. But as I hoped, apparently maternity skinny jeans leave a little more room for various curves, and since the waist doesn't have to be an exact fit, finding a pair that works while pregnant is considerably easier than finding regular ones. I think they look fine, though I feel a little too trendy for my normal state of being. I don't think they're age-inappropriate or anything, but I'm normally just not that cool. Ten years of boot cut jean-wearing will do that to you. I do like how they hug curves, though, and they will be a welcome wardrobe addition come winter when I'm not trying to stuff boot cut jeans into my boots. For now I'm suffering through an uncomfortable pair of flats and I have a couple other pairs of shoes that are fine. I'm not going to say they're overly comfortable, but that could just be because I'm not used to having anything this fitted, nor am I enjoying the fact that I can't easily scratch my often-itchy legs through them. But I will suffer for fashion. Today I'm wearing a maternity top that makes me look HUGE. It's a cute shirt, one of the first ones I ever bought, but for whatever reason it makes all of my upper half look big. But...the skinny jeans sort of offset the hugeness so I guess it works. Maternity clothes are just a whole different ballgame anyway, so if there's a time to explore some mild fashion risks, now is probably not a bad choice. People are more likely to give you the benefit of the doubt or be distracted by your belly.
It was an interesting weekend as I more or less had the weekend off from mommy duties. My friend Heather came into town on Friday, and Saturday Craig and Jacob took off for Buffalo to go to a Halloween party at our niece and nephews' school. It's the same one we went to last year. They didn't go because Heather was in town, but I suppose Craig figured we'd want some girl time so it made sense to go. During the time that we were all in the same house, Jacob absolutely loved playing with Heather. I don't know if she just oozes the "I spend all day with kids" thing since she's a Kindergarten-First Grade teacher, but he was constantly asking her to play. It was pretty cute. Heather and I had a good time, of course, though Saturday was a bit interrupted when she came down with a migraine. We did sneak in a little shopping (I got a set of wall hooks for Jacob's big boy room, future home for his jerseys and hats), and then headed home so she could nap. I spent that time putting together lasagna for dinner, and then we ate and watched a movie in between gab fests. Turns out nearly 30 years of friendship provides for plenty of conversation topics :) Sunday we went to church, did a little shopping to kill time until our lunch restaurant of choice opened, had lunch, then headed back to the house so she could pack up and start her drive home.
Once I was solo, I did some quick shopping--shoes for Jacob, and an assortment of random things from Walmart--and then took advantage of the gorgeous weather to tackle some long-overdue yard work. The first trimester blahs were totally de-motivating when it came to doing yard work, partly because I would rather have been napping and partly because when I did do it I ended up exhausted. So, the yard has been a little out-of-control in spots and I've constantly been playing catch-up. Yesterday I managed to do some weed-whacking, then cleared out most of my mini-garden, and finally decided to tackle the way-back of our yard, which is just a mass of greenery. There's a little of everything back there, and it's getting out of control. Blackberry vines and some other sort of foliage were slowly creeping out of the confines of the bed, but it was too much to tackle mid-summer. Now that things had thinned out a bit, I decided to take it on. I ended up poking myself through my rubber garden gloves countless times (blackberry vines have nasty thorns), but I cleaned up the worst of the overflow. Craig can hit the rest with the lawn mower next time. The boys didn't get home until after dinner, so I had some extra time to finish up some things. We all ended up turning in a little earlier than usual, which was good since Jacob and I were both up for about an hour in the middle of the night thanks to a coughing fit he couldn't seem to shake. Ahhhh, cold season.
In other news, yesterday while I was sitting in church, I swear Riblet (the baby--we'll see if it sticks) kicked me in the arm three times. My arm was resting on the top of my belly during a prayer, and I seriously felt a distinct kick in the arm three times! I've felt it one other time since when I was sitting in a similar position. I'm still getting a fair amount of internal squirming, but there still isn't much recognizable or externally visible movement. I can't really tell if that's normal at this point or if he's just in an oddball position where his movements are a little more insulated.
The other day my dad reminded me of a little tidbit I left out of my post about the trip to Alfred. During the course of the football game, Jacob asked numerous times when the game was going to be over. I don't think it was that he wasn't enjoying the game as much as I think he really wanted a shot to get down on the field and play. However...at one point during the game, the PA announcer mentioned that there was going to be a soccer game on that same field that evening. Immediately Jacob's eyes lit up and he really wanted to stay for the soccer game. Typical. Here I had been all excited to take Jacob to his first live football game, and he ended up being more excited about the prospect of a soccer game! Had the game been at, say, 5pm instead of 7pm, I might have considered sticking around for the extra hour or two to catch the beginning. But it was a chilly day and 7pm was just too far away. That didn't stop him from asking a few more times, though!
Not much else to report right now. Jacob is going to the pumpkin farm tomorrow with daycare, and I'm hoping the weather cooperates enough to get us to one this weekend. Craig's busy weekends are starting up, which is a bummer, and it's going to start limiting what we can get done together, which isn't good since we have a lot to do! We're still working on finalizing Jacob's Halloween costume, which has been a long time in coming. He's changed his mind about 400 times, but then seemed to settle on one costume...until we couldn't find the one he wanted in his size, at which point he decided on another one! Some of the final plans are being made for our trip to Florida, which is just a few weeks away. It's going to be a busy few weeks, that's for sure!
It was an interesting weekend as I more or less had the weekend off from mommy duties. My friend Heather came into town on Friday, and Saturday Craig and Jacob took off for Buffalo to go to a Halloween party at our niece and nephews' school. It's the same one we went to last year. They didn't go because Heather was in town, but I suppose Craig figured we'd want some girl time so it made sense to go. During the time that we were all in the same house, Jacob absolutely loved playing with Heather. I don't know if she just oozes the "I spend all day with kids" thing since she's a Kindergarten-First Grade teacher, but he was constantly asking her to play. It was pretty cute. Heather and I had a good time, of course, though Saturday was a bit interrupted when she came down with a migraine. We did sneak in a little shopping (I got a set of wall hooks for Jacob's big boy room, future home for his jerseys and hats), and then headed home so she could nap. I spent that time putting together lasagna for dinner, and then we ate and watched a movie in between gab fests. Turns out nearly 30 years of friendship provides for plenty of conversation topics :) Sunday we went to church, did a little shopping to kill time until our lunch restaurant of choice opened, had lunch, then headed back to the house so she could pack up and start her drive home.
Once I was solo, I did some quick shopping--shoes for Jacob, and an assortment of random things from Walmart--and then took advantage of the gorgeous weather to tackle some long-overdue yard work. The first trimester blahs were totally de-motivating when it came to doing yard work, partly because I would rather have been napping and partly because when I did do it I ended up exhausted. So, the yard has been a little out-of-control in spots and I've constantly been playing catch-up. Yesterday I managed to do some weed-whacking, then cleared out most of my mini-garden, and finally decided to tackle the way-back of our yard, which is just a mass of greenery. There's a little of everything back there, and it's getting out of control. Blackberry vines and some other sort of foliage were slowly creeping out of the confines of the bed, but it was too much to tackle mid-summer. Now that things had thinned out a bit, I decided to take it on. I ended up poking myself through my rubber garden gloves countless times (blackberry vines have nasty thorns), but I cleaned up the worst of the overflow. Craig can hit the rest with the lawn mower next time. The boys didn't get home until after dinner, so I had some extra time to finish up some things. We all ended up turning in a little earlier than usual, which was good since Jacob and I were both up for about an hour in the middle of the night thanks to a coughing fit he couldn't seem to shake. Ahhhh, cold season.
In other news, yesterday while I was sitting in church, I swear Riblet (the baby--we'll see if it sticks) kicked me in the arm three times. My arm was resting on the top of my belly during a prayer, and I seriously felt a distinct kick in the arm three times! I've felt it one other time since when I was sitting in a similar position. I'm still getting a fair amount of internal squirming, but there still isn't much recognizable or externally visible movement. I can't really tell if that's normal at this point or if he's just in an oddball position where his movements are a little more insulated.
The other day my dad reminded me of a little tidbit I left out of my post about the trip to Alfred. During the course of the football game, Jacob asked numerous times when the game was going to be over. I don't think it was that he wasn't enjoying the game as much as I think he really wanted a shot to get down on the field and play. However...at one point during the game, the PA announcer mentioned that there was going to be a soccer game on that same field that evening. Immediately Jacob's eyes lit up and he really wanted to stay for the soccer game. Typical. Here I had been all excited to take Jacob to his first live football game, and he ended up being more excited about the prospect of a soccer game! Had the game been at, say, 5pm instead of 7pm, I might have considered sticking around for the extra hour or two to catch the beginning. But it was a chilly day and 7pm was just too far away. That didn't stop him from asking a few more times, though!
Not much else to report right now. Jacob is going to the pumpkin farm tomorrow with daycare, and I'm hoping the weather cooperates enough to get us to one this weekend. Craig's busy weekends are starting up, which is a bummer, and it's going to start limiting what we can get done together, which isn't good since we have a lot to do! We're still working on finalizing Jacob's Halloween costume, which has been a long time in coming. He's changed his mind about 400 times, but then seemed to settle on one costume...until we couldn't find the one he wanted in his size, at which point he decided on another one! Some of the final plans are being made for our trip to Florida, which is just a few weeks away. It's going to be a busy few weeks, that's for sure!
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