So, it appears I'm going to be a little shorthanded for a while. Craig came home from softball last night (yes, he plays two nights in a row...or should I say, played) with a pretty severe injury to his calf. It could be a torn muscle, it could be a ruptured Achilles. We won't know until tomorrow when he gets the results of the MRI he's getting tonight. Needless to say, I am not a happy camper. And of course, neither is Craig. He can't walk. He literally crawled up the stairs last night and took forever to figure out how to hop into the bathroom without injuring himself further. He's been spending part of the day today figuring out how to get around the house more easily, until the crutches fairy arrives at the house. He's considered the computer chair and the scooter in our crawl space so far. Eventually his crutches will arrive (via someone in the Amerks office) and he'll at least be a little more mobile. But unfortunately, if his hands are on a set of crutches, Craig is not equipped to leave the house with Jacob. Jacob needs good handholding (and if that fails, a good set of legs) anytime we're out and about. So, that means I'm pretty much on the hook for daycare fulltime until further notice, which puts the status of my measly once-a-week workouts up in the air. Craig can't play with Jacob, since playing with Jacob generally involves lots of ball chasing. Tending to the pool and yard could get interesting, and in general the timing of this is terrible since there's a lot to get done in the next few days leading up to Jacob's party.
I said in my Facebook status this morning that I know I should be feeling more pity for Craig, but that it's hard for me to get past the fact that this injury puts a heck of a lot on my shoulders. Not only am I the only able-bodied adult in the house in the midst of party planning AND the usual day-to-day stuff, but now I need to take care of Craig on top of Jacob. Last night when he was requesting ice and ice cream, among other things, while I was in the middle of doing a bunch of stuff myself, I got really frustrated. And I get it, this is all very selfish. Craig is the one who can't walk and may be facing surgery and the inevitable end of his softball career. But this injury could truly mess up our whole summer, which impacts us all in so many ways. And selfish though it may be, it does put a lot of weight on my shoulders...shoulders that already had enough on them. Not only do I have to do my usual cooking and cleaning (which I already skimp on due to time constraints), but I'll probably have to pick up some extra laundry duties. I'll be the go-to-girl for Jacob's playtime (which, unfortunately, includes the time when I'm cooking dinner) and will probably have to resume some of the morning Jacob duties that I passed off to Craig a long time ago. My work schedule will be limited since I'll be on the hook for daycare drop-offs and pick-ups for at least as long as it takes for us to figure out if it's possible to keep Jacob in check without holding him or his hand. And I am swamped at work right now, so much so that I'm worried about even taking off on Friday to get party stuff done. It's just a lot to think about...and that's not even getting into how this injury or any potential surgeries could impact the rest of our summer plans or our bank account. Even beyond any mini-vacations that we'd take, are we going to be less likely to do a lot of the things that make summer fun, like walks by the lake, visits to festivals, or random baseball games because Craig isn't really that mobile?
The ironic thing about all of this is that I've obviously done things alone before, when Craig's been on road trips. I don't know what it is, but this is just different. Maybe it's because road trips are short term and I'm not worried that a couple days of a distracted mommy will stick with Jacob for too long. Maybe it's because having Craig in plain sight provides a false sense of security--that it might seem like I've got able bodied backup, but I don't. Sure, Craig can still talk to Jacob and distract him and play with him as much as he can from the couch, but when you have a toddler that doesn't sit still, it only goes so far. And I do wonder how Jacob will deal with all of this. Even though we can tell him daddy has a boo-boo and can't play baseball, I'm just not sure it will sink in enough for him to truly get that daddy isn't ignoring his pleas. Maybe this is more frustrating because summer is the one time of year where we can control our weekends and enjoy the evenings a bit...and this puts a big cramp in that. It's just disappointing. But regardless, for some reason this just seems harder than all those weekends alone in the middle of winter.
I guess we don't have much of a choice but to see how it goes. Wish us luck!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Happy Anniversary...
I forgot to mention in my post yesterday that it was Craig's and my 7th anniversary. How time has flown...particularly these past couple years. I looked back at anniversary blog posts from the last couple years, and it appears that the celebrating has definitely been kept to a minimum since Jacob was born. Not that we ever did anything particularly fancy, but neither post says anything about going out to dinner or anything like that. Considering anniversary #5 was the day after Jacob came home, I can't say I was surprised about that one. Last year I'm not sure if we ended up doing anything, but I have a feeling that last year fell victim to the same thing as this year--that we're generally so busy these days that making arrangements for a babysitter and dinner out seems like more work than it's worth. We had a night out last Monday anyway, so even though it wasn't particularly romantic, it was still a night out. Last night Craig had a late softball game and I figured I'd at least give myself an easier evening by getting one of those yummy rotisserie chickens from the grocery store for dinner. I did a couple easy side dishes and that was that. Once Craig left I had a little time with Jacob before bed and spent the rest of the evening dusting the house and trying to organize a bit in preparation for having people over to the house on Saturday for Jacob's party. I'm not making myself nuts since the house will just get dirty again, but I think giving it a good dusting and general cleaning would be a good idea. No one needs visual proof that we sometimes live among a layer of filth.
That may seem like a sad way to spend my anniversary, but really, the amount of satisfaction I get from being productive (which, let's be honest, only happens when I'm home alone or when Craig is doing much the same--like Sunday morning) is probably just as enjoyable as a nice dinner out minus Jacob. And, sadly, it probably does a similar amount of good for the state of our marriage. Isn't there some saying about a clean home being a happy home? Or is it just "If Mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy?" ;-)
I'll admit it's a little sad how much of a non-event our anniversary seems these days. You know how around Jacob's birthday I was doing a series of "at this moment" things thinking back to the events surrounding Jacob's birth? I think I did much the same with our anniversary in the years before Jacob. "Right now I was getting my hair done," or "Right now we had gotten through the ceremony and were getting pictures done," etc. I think I thought about that stuff once or twice this year, but not with nearly the same passion that I did when thinking about Jacob. And I suppose that's just part of the progression of our lives, rather than a reflection on our marriage itself. For the first five years we were married, it was all about us. I had the time to indulge in lovely memories of our wedding day. After all, it was the best day of our lives! But once Jacob came along, for better or worse, it really became all about him. The girl that got married seven years ago yesterday seems miles away from who I am today. My priorities are vastly different and my world revolves around a two-year-old little boy. It's just a different life, and I think it's easier to relate to the day I had Jacob than it is to the relatively carefree time when we got married. Sad but true, I guess. It doesn't make it any less important; just evidence of a lot of steps down a very long road. Getting farther away from where you started doesn't make that starting point any less a part of the journey...but the scenery you're looking at at this point in time is definitely more pertinent to your daily life.
Admittedly, it would have been nice to go out for a lovely dinner, just the two of us...or even better, all three of us if there was a 100% guarantee that Jacob would actually sit and eat and behave like a sweet, perfect child. And although it wasn't in the cards for our actual anniversary this year, there's nothing stopping us from picking another day somewhere down the road when things are far more convenient, where we can reminisce and enjoy each other's company just as we would have on our actual anniversary. It's just another day in the grand scheme of things. Whether or not it's significant on the calendar, it's still just a day--a mere moment in long marriage. And as long as we do find the time to appreciate each other and think back, which, admittedly, we should do more, that one day isn't going to make or break things. They say that it's less about the wedding day and more about the marriage, and I tend to think anniversaries are the same. Just as one great anniversary day doesn't make up for a year-long bad marriage, one iffy anniversary day doesn't destroy a solid marriage. Should it have been more celebratory? Probably. But will I let it bother me? Nope. We're blessed, and that's all that truly matters.
That may seem like a sad way to spend my anniversary, but really, the amount of satisfaction I get from being productive (which, let's be honest, only happens when I'm home alone or when Craig is doing much the same--like Sunday morning) is probably just as enjoyable as a nice dinner out minus Jacob. And, sadly, it probably does a similar amount of good for the state of our marriage. Isn't there some saying about a clean home being a happy home? Or is it just "If Mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy?" ;-)
I'll admit it's a little sad how much of a non-event our anniversary seems these days. You know how around Jacob's birthday I was doing a series of "at this moment" things thinking back to the events surrounding Jacob's birth? I think I did much the same with our anniversary in the years before Jacob. "Right now I was getting my hair done," or "Right now we had gotten through the ceremony and were getting pictures done," etc. I think I thought about that stuff once or twice this year, but not with nearly the same passion that I did when thinking about Jacob. And I suppose that's just part of the progression of our lives, rather than a reflection on our marriage itself. For the first five years we were married, it was all about us. I had the time to indulge in lovely memories of our wedding day. After all, it was the best day of our lives! But once Jacob came along, for better or worse, it really became all about him. The girl that got married seven years ago yesterday seems miles away from who I am today. My priorities are vastly different and my world revolves around a two-year-old little boy. It's just a different life, and I think it's easier to relate to the day I had Jacob than it is to the relatively carefree time when we got married. Sad but true, I guess. It doesn't make it any less important; just evidence of a lot of steps down a very long road. Getting farther away from where you started doesn't make that starting point any less a part of the journey...but the scenery you're looking at at this point in time is definitely more pertinent to your daily life.
Admittedly, it would have been nice to go out for a lovely dinner, just the two of us...or even better, all three of us if there was a 100% guarantee that Jacob would actually sit and eat and behave like a sweet, perfect child. And although it wasn't in the cards for our actual anniversary this year, there's nothing stopping us from picking another day somewhere down the road when things are far more convenient, where we can reminisce and enjoy each other's company just as we would have on our actual anniversary. It's just another day in the grand scheme of things. Whether or not it's significant on the calendar, it's still just a day--a mere moment in long marriage. And as long as we do find the time to appreciate each other and think back, which, admittedly, we should do more, that one day isn't going to make or break things. They say that it's less about the wedding day and more about the marriage, and I tend to think anniversaries are the same. Just as one great anniversary day doesn't make up for a year-long bad marriage, one iffy anniversary day doesn't destroy a solid marriage. Should it have been more celebratory? Probably. But will I let it bother me? Nope. We're blessed, and that's all that truly matters.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Car seat switch and other weekend notes...
Ok, so I didn't take any pictures that I was hoping to this weekend. It just seemed like every reasonable photo opportunity just wasn't convenient. I only had so many hands and the good picture moments were few and far between, it seemed. I did manage to get a couple keepers, but they'll probably wait for another post on another day.
Anyway, it was a pretty good weekend. It had its share of Jacob meltdowns as usual, but I suppose the rest of it was fun enough to make up for it a bit. We went to a lacrosse game on Friday night, the drive-in on Saturday, and finally got in the pool yesterday. The lacrosse game was good, though Jacob didn't have his usual focus during the game so we were up and around quite a bit. We did spend a good half hour or so out in the concourse at one point, while Jacob threw a lacrosse ball (plastic one, not real) at me with his lacrosse stick, or had me do the same to him. I only wanted to carry one stick, so we had these odd games of catch going on. It was pretty cute, though, when Jacob gave me the stick and ball, stood in front of a big brick pillar and called it his net :) Craig was working the game, so it was just the two of us for most of the evening until Craig came down to visit. The game was a Major League Lacrosse regular season game for a team that's spending their entire season on the road. It's the same league that the Rattlers played in, and only Jacob's third outdoor lacrosse game ever. We went to one when he was six weeks old during the Rattlers final season in Rochester (albeit a championship one), and another last summer in Toronto. Anyway, people in the concourse thought he was pretty funny, and apparently a cotton candy vendor thought he was cute because she gave us a free bag--apparently some rule where if something happens (didn't catch if it was because the cone broke through the top of the "puff" or what), she can't sell the bag. Very sweet of her. Jacob enjoyed it quite a bit, though after a couple minutes not even that could keep him from his concourse lacrosse game! He fell asleep on the way home and I stayed up way to late to FINALLY finish off my DVR'ed episodes of The Biggest Loser. A month late. Ahhh, parenthood. (Speaking of which, we still have an entire season of Parenthood episodes on DVR...and since Big Brother starts next week, I'm wondering what the odds are we'll get through those by the end of the summer.)
Saturday Jacob woke up at 7am, which was way too early. Craig got up with him (took one for the team since he was out the night before), and eventually I dragged myself out of bed to join them. I guess we had a pretty low key morning, and I was particularly disappointed by the crappy weather, which I didn't realize was supposed to be that crappy. We had some lunch, Jacob took a long nap, and by late afternoon/early evening we headed off to run a few errands, grab some dinner, and go to the drive-in to see Toy Story 3. We decided to keep things simple and go to the drive-in that's closer to us, rather than the super-fun one that's an hour away. Jacob fell asleep at the end of our last errand and slept the 15 minutes there, but woke up shortly after our arrival...and stayed awake forever. He didn't want to sit in his car seat, but was constantly squirming up front, hitting radio buttons with his feet and trying to honk the car horn. Oy. The movie started at 9:20, already past his bedtime, and he stayed awake not only for the movie, not only for the 25 minute ride home, but also for about 45 minutes after we got home and put him to bed. Seriously? It was almost 1am by the time he was asleep. Yikes. Schedules are great things...until you deviate from them and any sense of order comes crashing down into a million pieces.
But before I get into Sunday, a little pondering of the car seat situation. Jacob's are still rear-facing. Both of our carseats have a 35 lb. rear-facing capacity. So as long as his head doesn't pop up to the top of the seat, he's ok to stay rear-facing until he hits 35 lbs. He's just over 28 lbs. now, and judging by how he eats, I don't think it's going to creep up any too fast. Yes, we could have turned him at his first birthday like most of his peers, but I did some research and rear-facing is safer. He was content that way, and other than the steps I'd have to take to prevent dirty shoes from getting all over my backseat, I was fine with it too. Fast forward another year, and we're still rear-facing. I've thought about switching a bit before, but really found no good reason to do it...at least, not better than giving him a safer ride. But when we went to the drive-in, I spent a few minutes in the backseat after Jacob woke up turning his seat around so he could sit in it, watch the movie, ideally fall asleep, and ride home safely while still sleeping. But for some reason he found no novelty in the new setup. He didn't want to sit in it during the movie and spent a good chunk of the drive home complaining about it, and did the same thing yesterday when we were driving around. I can't quite understand what he's saying, but it's almost like he realized that there's a whole front part of the car he hasn't been able to check out and is now annoyed with facing forward because he wants to be up front instead. Maybe he misses having the mirror he faced in my car. I have no idea, but I find the whole thing bizarre. I may keep him front-facing a bit longer, until I feel like switching him back, but if he keeps whining I may have more motivation to do that sooner.
Anyway...Sunday. Knowing how late Jacob was up on Saturday, I decided that I wasn't going to push church. We hardly ever skip when we're home and physically able to go, but we got up too late to go to the 9:45 service without rushing like maniacs, and the 11:15 service is always a nightmare for Jacob's schedule. He's always hyper and cranky and always seems to need a nap at that time, no matter when he woke up. It's pointless to go when we're both so preoccupied with keeping him quiet and entertained. And anyway, we got in a groove in the morning anyway, where we got a ton of stuff done after breakfast. Knowing that our house will be party central next Saturday, Craig started running around the basement hanging pictures that have been sitting around for a couple months. I followed suit, and we got a number of things done. We had a pleasant quickie lunch at Arby's (ahhh, the 2 subs for $4 coupon is the best!) and stopped to get gas, go to the bank, and to get a couple pool noodles at the dollar store. Jacob fell asleep on the way home and once he was in his crib, I spent most of his nap putting together my new IKEA bookshelf. It went pretty well and it looks very nice. I'm still debating what's going on it and what will be hanging around it, but it's a nice feeling to have it done. Our photo albums fit very well in it, though.
Once Jacob was up from his nap, we got ready to go in the pool. He had a couple tantrums during that process, but eventually we convinced him it would be fun. He liked going up the ladder and settled in pretty well as we adjusted to the cold water and got him in his boat. He seemed to like floating around and throwing a ball, so that was good. I floated on a raft for a while, but right around the time Jacob got bored the cold was starting to get to me, too. The air was comfortable, but apparently not warm enough to take the edge off. We still don't have a thermometer to know just how cold, but we'll need a good week of the solar cover to hopefully have it pleasant for the party. We had a nice evening of homemade fettucine alfredo for dinner and some fun play time, then bath and bed for Jacob and an evening of finishing up the bookshelf (drawers and screwing it to the wall) for me.
All in all it was a good weekend but I am finding myself extra tired today. Maybe it was our odd sleeping schedule. Maybe it's the stress of this work week. Maybe it's the building pressure for getting ready for the party on Saturday. Lots to think about!
Anyway, it was a pretty good weekend. It had its share of Jacob meltdowns as usual, but I suppose the rest of it was fun enough to make up for it a bit. We went to a lacrosse game on Friday night, the drive-in on Saturday, and finally got in the pool yesterday. The lacrosse game was good, though Jacob didn't have his usual focus during the game so we were up and around quite a bit. We did spend a good half hour or so out in the concourse at one point, while Jacob threw a lacrosse ball (plastic one, not real) at me with his lacrosse stick, or had me do the same to him. I only wanted to carry one stick, so we had these odd games of catch going on. It was pretty cute, though, when Jacob gave me the stick and ball, stood in front of a big brick pillar and called it his net :) Craig was working the game, so it was just the two of us for most of the evening until Craig came down to visit. The game was a Major League Lacrosse regular season game for a team that's spending their entire season on the road. It's the same league that the Rattlers played in, and only Jacob's third outdoor lacrosse game ever. We went to one when he was six weeks old during the Rattlers final season in Rochester (albeit a championship one), and another last summer in Toronto. Anyway, people in the concourse thought he was pretty funny, and apparently a cotton candy vendor thought he was cute because she gave us a free bag--apparently some rule where if something happens (didn't catch if it was because the cone broke through the top of the "puff" or what), she can't sell the bag. Very sweet of her. Jacob enjoyed it quite a bit, though after a couple minutes not even that could keep him from his concourse lacrosse game! He fell asleep on the way home and I stayed up way to late to FINALLY finish off my DVR'ed episodes of The Biggest Loser. A month late. Ahhh, parenthood. (Speaking of which, we still have an entire season of Parenthood episodes on DVR...and since Big Brother starts next week, I'm wondering what the odds are we'll get through those by the end of the summer.)
Saturday Jacob woke up at 7am, which was way too early. Craig got up with him (took one for the team since he was out the night before), and eventually I dragged myself out of bed to join them. I guess we had a pretty low key morning, and I was particularly disappointed by the crappy weather, which I didn't realize was supposed to be that crappy. We had some lunch, Jacob took a long nap, and by late afternoon/early evening we headed off to run a few errands, grab some dinner, and go to the drive-in to see Toy Story 3. We decided to keep things simple and go to the drive-in that's closer to us, rather than the super-fun one that's an hour away. Jacob fell asleep at the end of our last errand and slept the 15 minutes there, but woke up shortly after our arrival...and stayed awake forever. He didn't want to sit in his car seat, but was constantly squirming up front, hitting radio buttons with his feet and trying to honk the car horn. Oy. The movie started at 9:20, already past his bedtime, and he stayed awake not only for the movie, not only for the 25 minute ride home, but also for about 45 minutes after we got home and put him to bed. Seriously? It was almost 1am by the time he was asleep. Yikes. Schedules are great things...until you deviate from them and any sense of order comes crashing down into a million pieces.
But before I get into Sunday, a little pondering of the car seat situation. Jacob's are still rear-facing. Both of our carseats have a 35 lb. rear-facing capacity. So as long as his head doesn't pop up to the top of the seat, he's ok to stay rear-facing until he hits 35 lbs. He's just over 28 lbs. now, and judging by how he eats, I don't think it's going to creep up any too fast. Yes, we could have turned him at his first birthday like most of his peers, but I did some research and rear-facing is safer. He was content that way, and other than the steps I'd have to take to prevent dirty shoes from getting all over my backseat, I was fine with it too. Fast forward another year, and we're still rear-facing. I've thought about switching a bit before, but really found no good reason to do it...at least, not better than giving him a safer ride. But when we went to the drive-in, I spent a few minutes in the backseat after Jacob woke up turning his seat around so he could sit in it, watch the movie, ideally fall asleep, and ride home safely while still sleeping. But for some reason he found no novelty in the new setup. He didn't want to sit in it during the movie and spent a good chunk of the drive home complaining about it, and did the same thing yesterday when we were driving around. I can't quite understand what he's saying, but it's almost like he realized that there's a whole front part of the car he hasn't been able to check out and is now annoyed with facing forward because he wants to be up front instead. Maybe he misses having the mirror he faced in my car. I have no idea, but I find the whole thing bizarre. I may keep him front-facing a bit longer, until I feel like switching him back, but if he keeps whining I may have more motivation to do that sooner.
Anyway...Sunday. Knowing how late Jacob was up on Saturday, I decided that I wasn't going to push church. We hardly ever skip when we're home and physically able to go, but we got up too late to go to the 9:45 service without rushing like maniacs, and the 11:15 service is always a nightmare for Jacob's schedule. He's always hyper and cranky and always seems to need a nap at that time, no matter when he woke up. It's pointless to go when we're both so preoccupied with keeping him quiet and entertained. And anyway, we got in a groove in the morning anyway, where we got a ton of stuff done after breakfast. Knowing that our house will be party central next Saturday, Craig started running around the basement hanging pictures that have been sitting around for a couple months. I followed suit, and we got a number of things done. We had a pleasant quickie lunch at Arby's (ahhh, the 2 subs for $4 coupon is the best!) and stopped to get gas, go to the bank, and to get a couple pool noodles at the dollar store. Jacob fell asleep on the way home and once he was in his crib, I spent most of his nap putting together my new IKEA bookshelf. It went pretty well and it looks very nice. I'm still debating what's going on it and what will be hanging around it, but it's a nice feeling to have it done. Our photo albums fit very well in it, though.
Once Jacob was up from his nap, we got ready to go in the pool. He had a couple tantrums during that process, but eventually we convinced him it would be fun. He liked going up the ladder and settled in pretty well as we adjusted to the cold water and got him in his boat. He seemed to like floating around and throwing a ball, so that was good. I floated on a raft for a while, but right around the time Jacob got bored the cold was starting to get to me, too. The air was comfortable, but apparently not warm enough to take the edge off. We still don't have a thermometer to know just how cold, but we'll need a good week of the solar cover to hopefully have it pleasant for the party. We had a nice evening of homemade fettucine alfredo for dinner and some fun play time, then bath and bed for Jacob and an evening of finishing up the bookshelf (drawers and screwing it to the wall) for me.
All in all it was a good weekend but I am finding myself extra tired today. Maybe it was our odd sleeping schedule. Maybe it's the stress of this work week. Maybe it's the building pressure for getting ready for the party on Saturday. Lots to think about!
Friday, June 25, 2010
Photo (and Video) Friday and other stuff...
Just wanted to share a couple pictures and other news and notes today...
Here are a couple shots from the really bad weekend a couple weeks ago...these were among the only batch of pictures I took that weekend, because everything else was so uninteresting. At least they're cute ones!
And here's a video courtesy of my dad, who happened to get video of one of Jacob's great hits while we were playing baseball in the yard last weekend. I have no idea if it's remarkable that a two-year-old can hit a baseball, but I'd have to think he's ahead of the game at least a bit. He got a baseball tee from us for his birthday, so I can only see him getting better :)
Here are a couple shots from the really bad weekend a couple weeks ago...these were among the only batch of pictures I took that weekend, because everything else was so uninteresting. At least they're cute ones!
And here's a video courtesy of my dad, who happened to get video of one of Jacob's great hits while we were playing baseball in the yard last weekend. I have no idea if it's remarkable that a two-year-old can hit a baseball, but I'd have to think he's ahead of the game at least a bit. He got a baseball tee from us for his birthday, so I can only see him getting better :)
Let's see...what else is new? Jacob is talking up a storm these days, more and more every day it seems. He's really into colors and using them as adjectives...blue shirt, brown door, red bat. The other day when I picked him up at daycare, he proceeded to point at all of the news and notes tacked on the bulletin board, backed by colored construction paper, and tell me the color of each one. And he was right! He's also noticing differences between "big" and "little" things. Last night we read a book, "Moo, Baa, La La La", a book we got when Jacob was born. It's pretty simple so I always figured it would be among the first he would read to me, but he's already getting to the point where he knows a lot of the words. It's so cute and I love seeing him learn. He's also getting there with the alphabet--not really recognizing letters yet (though one of his teachers taught him "Y"), but his singing of the song is getting clearer. He can count from one to ten (and he's forgetting "four" a lot less), and it took some doing, but I think we've finally taught him to respond with "Two!" if anyone asks his age. He appears to be soaking things up like a sponge right now...everything except the rules, of course.
I've been feeling a little guilty lately because I simply haven't been around as much. There were a few nights in the past couple weeks where I had Craig put Jacob to bed because I had to go out and run some errands, and one morning where I had him take him into daycare because I forgot something on one of those errands and had to run out and get it the next morning before work. Monday night Craig and I both went out for a fundraiser event for a friend and former co-worker of ours (also a former Amerk player) who's been diagnosed with stomach cancer. The prognosis isn't good, but he's fighting it like crazy. He's only in his early 40s and has four kids ranging in age from about 13 to nine months. Yeah, horrible beyond words. I can't even fathom what they're going through. Anyway, it was a great night out with celebrity bartenders from around the local hockey world--including NHLers Brian Gionta and Ryan Callahan, both Rochester guys, and Andrew Peters, Nathan Paetsch, Patrick Kaleta, who all played in the NHL last year. Rob Ray made an appearance, as did current Amerk Rory Fitzpatrick, Mr. Amerk Jody Gage, and former Amerks' head coach Randy Cunneyworth. It was pretty awesome to see. And definitely worth an evening away. Lori came to watch Jacob, and he did fuss a bit when I left, but apparently he eventually got over it. Still, on top of everything else, I felt a little guilty for being gone again. But, I suppose it's good for both of us in the long run...he can learn to deal with adversity, and I get a little refreshing break.
Then came Wednesday. I had marked that day on my calendar a couple weeks ago, because I was browsing the IKEA website drooling over some furniture when I noticed that the Burlington location, the one closest to Rochester, was offering up the exact piece of furniture I wanted for $130 less than its usual price for that ONE day. It was on their events calendar for that location only, and I was determined to find a way to get it. The piece is a tall bookshelf with a cabinet on the bottom that matches our dining room buffet (not to mention our bedroom dressers, in case we ever move again and need that flexibility). It's purpose is going to be to hold our photo albums in the cabinet and assorted knicknacks on its shelves. It's regularly $229 in Canada ($149 in the US), but it was on sale for only $99. The challenge is that the sale was only on Wednesday and that it was a ridiculously long box--over 78 inches long. But it was only about two feet wide and less than four inches thick, so as long as I could make the length work, I'd be fine. At first I wasn't sure if my car could do it, but at the 11th hour I figured out that it would fit if I moved the seat forward. There was also the issue of getting there early to make sure I could get it after traveling all that way. After soliciting Facebook for potential travel companions, my dad graciously offered to help...and drive his slightly bigger car, just to be safe. So, after Jacob was in bed on Tuesday night, I headed to Buffalo. We left at 8:15 the next morning and made a stop at the Chapters book store in St. Catharines so I could pick up four more Brady Brady books. Jacob loves them since they're all about hockey, and since we got our initial set they've come out with a few more. I know we will appreciate having more variety to choose from! And even better, it was buy three, get one free. Score! We got to IKEA in time, found out that they'd changed the promotion, but still got them to give us the bookshelf for the advertised price. Whew. We loaded it in the car, did a little more shopping, and headed back. We spent a nice afternoon together, experienced a random earthquake (!), and I headed back to Rochester in time to get the bookshelf unloaded, put Jacob's car seat back in the car, and pick him up from daycare. He seemed to survive unscathed, though Craig did tell me that Jacob woke up at 3:30am when I was gone. He was complaining of foot pain, so who knows what was up with that. His shoes may be too small, but it's hard to tell. Anyway, Craig brought him into our room to sleep for a bit, and when Jacob got there, he said, "No mama?" Awwwww. It's nice to be missed.
I guess the only other thing to report is that Jacob had his two-year well visit today. Everything went well and the doctor is very pleased with his progress. He's over 28 pounds and 34 inches tall, right on his same curve in the middle of the pack. His BMI (yep, they do it for two-year-olds) is right on target. He must be eating somewhere! The only other thing of note is that the doctor suggested taking him to a dermatologist for a mole he has on his leg. It started out as a speck sometime in the winter and it's gradually gotten bigger. Whether that's the mole itself or because Jacob is growing, too, I'm not sure. It's still small, but pretty dark in color and slightly raised, so she felt it was worth getting checked out. It's probably nothing, but you never know. If anything, I'd rather have it removed now if it looks troublesome, before it's grown a ton and is harder to take off. So, another appointment to make. Of course, I forgot to ask one of the few questions I had, about whether or not she was comfortable with him switching to 2% milk. Since his growth seems to be fine I'm sure it is, but you always like to hear it to be safe. I guess when the mood stikes I'll buy some 2% and leave it at that :)
We have a fun weekend in store, so hopefully I'll have a few pictures to share soon! Have a great one!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Pregnancy Obsession?
Lately I've been beginning to wonder if I'm a little obsessed with pregnancy. It's been two whole years since I've been pregnant, but I probably think about it nearly every day. To be fair, I probably put myself in situations to be reminded of it. I read a pregnancy blog frequently (the bloggers keep changing and you kinda get hooked on the new blogger before the next one is done), and many of the parenting blogs I read refer to it a lot. There was a pregnant woman in my office since last fall, though she had her baby a month or so ago so that reminder has been removed. But in general so many things bring it to mind. And sure, pregnancy was the single most life-changing thing I've ever experienced. It was the thing that ultimately produced Jacob, and with that daily reminder, it's a little hard to forget that I went through the experience (though looking back on it, it is pretty surreal). This blog probably doesn't help, either, since I have an easy-to-reference spot that recorded all of those random little details and looks back at them frequently. But even still, I find it so hard to believe that pregnancy has impacted my daily life so immensely.
I think another issue is that we're ticking down on the time when we would "ideally" start working on #2. We want them three years apart and Jacob just turned two, so you can do the math. And while physically I'm probably as ready as I've ever been, I'm not sure about the rest of me. For a long time I couldn't imagine being pregnant again, since I still felt like my body was recovering to some degree. Now that's less of an issue, though I'm not in as good of shape as I was before my first pregnancy, so I have some concerns about how much worse I might end up the second time around. I do worry about having enough energy to care for Jacob while pregnant because I know how exhausted I was some days, particularly early on. And carrying a baby belly and a big boy around? Holy cow...and that's not even getting into morning sickness. But mentally and emotionally....I'm just not sure what to think. On one hand Jacob is old enough that I miss some of the early baby stuff, like the big toothless grin and those adorable baby noises. But we're also out of some of the really annoying baby stuff, like major diaper blowouts and 'round the clock feedings and frequent night time wakeups. And suddenly, I'm finding myself really reluctant to go back to that. Up until recently it didn't scare me, but I think I've realized how low-maintenance Jacob is with those things now (higher maintenance in other ways, of course), and I'm finding it a little scary to go back.
I think my biggest fear resides in the fact that Jacob and other things keep me very busy. Between Jacob and work and the house and all the other little errands and tasks I need to do, I'm pretty tired right now. There are days that I feel like I don't have time for anything else...at least, not if I want some downtime to just relax. So, if I remember back to how crazy things were with an infant, I can't quite wrap my brain around how the H-E-double hockey sticks I'm supposed to take care of a baby on TOP of all the other stuff that's currently pulling me in all directions. There are times I go out on errands and think, "Would it be possible to do this with Jacob AND a baby?" And much of the time I think the answer is no. However, by then Jacob would be a year older (which I suppose means nothing because there's always issues to work around) and I think I'd tend to use the Bjorn carrier a lot more so I could have the baby hands-free (meaning, not in the car seat) and still have my hands to hold Jacob's hand or leave the shopping cart seat for Jacob to sit in, etc. So maybe it would be doable. But maybe it's just too hard. I hardly went anywhere when Jacob was little, and while I'm more experienced now, I know how hard it is to schedule around one baby's meals, naps and bowel movements (sorry, I'm public blowout-phobic), let alone adding another kid's needs into the mix. We don't have a lot of readily available help here, so it's not as simple as dropping off one or the other with someone when I need to run out. We do have some options, but right now they all take planning and aren't particularly convenient.
And there's always the issue of how we'd pay for another round of daycare. Even with two kids I still make more than we'd spend on it, but obviously the difference would get considerably smaller. But it pretty much spells an end to saving money for a while. Is it worth it for a couple years until Jacob's in school and we're paying for only afterschool fees for him? Do we do it and keep hoping our situation changes for the better and I find some miraculous way to work part time? At least we'd be spending less on daycare and getting more quality time out of it. And in a perfect world I'd have more flexibility so I'd be less stressed overall. Like, if I HAD to go to the mall during the day I could, rather than waiting until after bedtime and rushing to get it all done in a half hour before the mall closes. I could schedule doctor's appointments for off-days and not worry about making up the time later (like I will be doing tomorrow for Jacob's two-year well visit). But right now, that's just a pipe dream and we have to live in reality.
But overall it's just the concern of bringing a poor, defenseless baby into a stressful environment. I am tired and stressed a lot. If I'm more tired and stressed now than I was with just Jacob alone, will that baby not get the same love and care Jacob did? Will I just be too tired? Craig's crazy schedule will still be crazy, and come the following fall with a new baby I'd be right back where I am every fall and winter, with Craig-less weekends...which means more time where everything falls on me. And if he's not around to help or is tired himself when he is home, will I resent him for being unable to help? It seems that would be unfair to him since I went into it knowing that this is how things would be. It's so hard. On one hand I think, "The hard part is the first year or so, and then it gets easier." But then I worry that that one year will do irreparable damage to our marriage or to Jacob to our mental health and get nervous all over again. What if it's really that bad? But then again, people have two kids all the time...even people that both work full time. And sometimes they have more...and somehow they make it work. I guess I just keep holding on to that. The house might not get cleaned as often and my dinners may not be as perfectly fancy as I'd like them to be, but if both kids are loved, we're doing something right. But it's still a tough call.
For the longest time I felt like our family was incomplete with only Jacob. I grew up in a family of four, and so did Craig. I guess it's only natural. And as much as I will love #2 if it's a boy (with everything I have, no doubt), I will probably always feel a twinge of regret if I never have a daughter to be able to experience a mother-daughter relationship like I had with my mom. Even still, lately our family has seemed more complete to me, maybe because of this fear, and maybe because Jacob is developing into such a little person now that things just seem a little more complete. We're settling into our house, we have space, and despite his boundless energy, caring for Jacob is manageable. Why change it? And perhaps we could wait another year, until Jacob's four and practically school age, but will we be even MORE comfortable by then and really not want to do it again? And not that I can even fathom this, but on the off-chance that #2 is a boy AND we'd want to try for a girl again, that extra year makes us even older.
So, yeah, it's a lot to think about, and I do think about it often. Which is probably why pregnancy is still such an important topic on my mind these days. While I think the desire to give Jacob a sibling and experience the baby stuff one more time (so hopefully we can enjoy it more now that we know what we're doing--sort of) will win out, it is still a major decision that I don't want to take lightly. It's going to be a heck of a lot harder to toss out the birth control this time than it was before, that's for sure. More musings to come on this, I'm guessing, but that's enough heavy stuff for one day...
I think another issue is that we're ticking down on the time when we would "ideally" start working on #2. We want them three years apart and Jacob just turned two, so you can do the math. And while physically I'm probably as ready as I've ever been, I'm not sure about the rest of me. For a long time I couldn't imagine being pregnant again, since I still felt like my body was recovering to some degree. Now that's less of an issue, though I'm not in as good of shape as I was before my first pregnancy, so I have some concerns about how much worse I might end up the second time around. I do worry about having enough energy to care for Jacob while pregnant because I know how exhausted I was some days, particularly early on. And carrying a baby belly and a big boy around? Holy cow...and that's not even getting into morning sickness. But mentally and emotionally....I'm just not sure what to think. On one hand Jacob is old enough that I miss some of the early baby stuff, like the big toothless grin and those adorable baby noises. But we're also out of some of the really annoying baby stuff, like major diaper blowouts and 'round the clock feedings and frequent night time wakeups. And suddenly, I'm finding myself really reluctant to go back to that. Up until recently it didn't scare me, but I think I've realized how low-maintenance Jacob is with those things now (higher maintenance in other ways, of course), and I'm finding it a little scary to go back.
I think my biggest fear resides in the fact that Jacob and other things keep me very busy. Between Jacob and work and the house and all the other little errands and tasks I need to do, I'm pretty tired right now. There are days that I feel like I don't have time for anything else...at least, not if I want some downtime to just relax. So, if I remember back to how crazy things were with an infant, I can't quite wrap my brain around how the H-E-double hockey sticks I'm supposed to take care of a baby on TOP of all the other stuff that's currently pulling me in all directions. There are times I go out on errands and think, "Would it be possible to do this with Jacob AND a baby?" And much of the time I think the answer is no. However, by then Jacob would be a year older (which I suppose means nothing because there's always issues to work around) and I think I'd tend to use the Bjorn carrier a lot more so I could have the baby hands-free (meaning, not in the car seat) and still have my hands to hold Jacob's hand or leave the shopping cart seat for Jacob to sit in, etc. So maybe it would be doable. But maybe it's just too hard. I hardly went anywhere when Jacob was little, and while I'm more experienced now, I know how hard it is to schedule around one baby's meals, naps and bowel movements (sorry, I'm public blowout-phobic), let alone adding another kid's needs into the mix. We don't have a lot of readily available help here, so it's not as simple as dropping off one or the other with someone when I need to run out. We do have some options, but right now they all take planning and aren't particularly convenient.
And there's always the issue of how we'd pay for another round of daycare. Even with two kids I still make more than we'd spend on it, but obviously the difference would get considerably smaller. But it pretty much spells an end to saving money for a while. Is it worth it for a couple years until Jacob's in school and we're paying for only afterschool fees for him? Do we do it and keep hoping our situation changes for the better and I find some miraculous way to work part time? At least we'd be spending less on daycare and getting more quality time out of it. And in a perfect world I'd have more flexibility so I'd be less stressed overall. Like, if I HAD to go to the mall during the day I could, rather than waiting until after bedtime and rushing to get it all done in a half hour before the mall closes. I could schedule doctor's appointments for off-days and not worry about making up the time later (like I will be doing tomorrow for Jacob's two-year well visit). But right now, that's just a pipe dream and we have to live in reality.
But overall it's just the concern of bringing a poor, defenseless baby into a stressful environment. I am tired and stressed a lot. If I'm more tired and stressed now than I was with just Jacob alone, will that baby not get the same love and care Jacob did? Will I just be too tired? Craig's crazy schedule will still be crazy, and come the following fall with a new baby I'd be right back where I am every fall and winter, with Craig-less weekends...which means more time where everything falls on me. And if he's not around to help or is tired himself when he is home, will I resent him for being unable to help? It seems that would be unfair to him since I went into it knowing that this is how things would be. It's so hard. On one hand I think, "The hard part is the first year or so, and then it gets easier." But then I worry that that one year will do irreparable damage to our marriage or to Jacob to our mental health and get nervous all over again. What if it's really that bad? But then again, people have two kids all the time...even people that both work full time. And sometimes they have more...and somehow they make it work. I guess I just keep holding on to that. The house might not get cleaned as often and my dinners may not be as perfectly fancy as I'd like them to be, but if both kids are loved, we're doing something right. But it's still a tough call.
For the longest time I felt like our family was incomplete with only Jacob. I grew up in a family of four, and so did Craig. I guess it's only natural. And as much as I will love #2 if it's a boy (with everything I have, no doubt), I will probably always feel a twinge of regret if I never have a daughter to be able to experience a mother-daughter relationship like I had with my mom. Even still, lately our family has seemed more complete to me, maybe because of this fear, and maybe because Jacob is developing into such a little person now that things just seem a little more complete. We're settling into our house, we have space, and despite his boundless energy, caring for Jacob is manageable. Why change it? And perhaps we could wait another year, until Jacob's four and practically school age, but will we be even MORE comfortable by then and really not want to do it again? And not that I can even fathom this, but on the off-chance that #2 is a boy AND we'd want to try for a girl again, that extra year makes us even older.
So, yeah, it's a lot to think about, and I do think about it often. Which is probably why pregnancy is still such an important topic on my mind these days. While I think the desire to give Jacob a sibling and experience the baby stuff one more time (so hopefully we can enjoy it more now that we know what we're doing--sort of) will win out, it is still a major decision that I don't want to take lightly. It's going to be a heck of a lot harder to toss out the birth control this time than it was before, that's for sure. More musings to come on this, I'm guessing, but that's enough heavy stuff for one day...
Monday, June 21, 2010
Birthday, Take 1
So...Jacob's birthday was this weekend. But, of course, for reasons I've already discussed, we opted to not have his party this weekend...or next weekend, for that matter. Instead, we were off to Buffalo for some family time, first with my parents on Saturday, then with Craig's family on Sunday. We spent most of Friday evening trying to get packed up and ready for the weekend. I did some clothes shopping (I am seriously lacking appropriate summer clothing this year--between shifts in my body from pre-pregnancy to nursing to now and just general style changes, I'm at a loss) and then ordered pizza. Some packing, some wrapping, and that was the extent of it.
Saturday morning we got up with Jacob (around 8am, not bad) and then scrambled to finish last minute packing. Our pool is still vexing us a bit, between chemicals and filters and timers, but at this point we're ok to swim in it...we just need to work a couple maintenance things out. Figuring out how it had to be set for the weekend set us back a bit, but we got on the road about when we'd hoped to, which was a small miracle. We got to NT a little after noon, had time for some lunch, and then headed out to the Firemen's Parade, a longstanding tradition. I hadn't been to that parade in ages, so it was neat to go again. Jacob's first parade was last summer, but obviously he was a little more conscious of it all this year and we got to watch longer. He wasn't particularly phased by it all, though did sit nicely most of the time. He was referring to the fire trucks as "buses", and my dad corrected me when I said that buses are yellow and fire trucks are red, because some fire trucks are yellow. And sure enough, the City of Tonawanda has yellow fire trucks. Why? Ugh. He just seemed to take it all in. He even got to try his first Tootsie Roll, courtesy of one of the candy throwers during the parade. He loved it, as evidenced by the bite mark on my finger as he nearly bit it off trying to chew the last piece. Seeing as it was his first one, I was making him take bites, and the last bite got me. Ouch. Anyway, here are a couple cute pics from when we were waiting for the parade to make it to us...it was a hot day, but Jacob was having a lot of fun running around between water breaks!
Saturday morning we got up with Jacob (around 8am, not bad) and then scrambled to finish last minute packing. Our pool is still vexing us a bit, between chemicals and filters and timers, but at this point we're ok to swim in it...we just need to work a couple maintenance things out. Figuring out how it had to be set for the weekend set us back a bit, but we got on the road about when we'd hoped to, which was a small miracle. We got to NT a little after noon, had time for some lunch, and then headed out to the Firemen's Parade, a longstanding tradition. I hadn't been to that parade in ages, so it was neat to go again. Jacob's first parade was last summer, but obviously he was a little more conscious of it all this year and we got to watch longer. He wasn't particularly phased by it all, though did sit nicely most of the time. He was referring to the fire trucks as "buses", and my dad corrected me when I said that buses are yellow and fire trucks are red, because some fire trucks are yellow. And sure enough, the City of Tonawanda has yellow fire trucks. Why? Ugh. He just seemed to take it all in. He even got to try his first Tootsie Roll, courtesy of one of the candy throwers during the parade. He loved it, as evidenced by the bite mark on my finger as he nearly bit it off trying to chew the last piece. Seeing as it was his first one, I was making him take bites, and the last bite got me. Ouch. Anyway, here are a couple cute pics from when we were waiting for the parade to make it to us...it was a hot day, but Jacob was having a lot of fun running around between water breaks!
Once we were back at my parents' house we had some time to relax and play. Lots of baseball in the backyard, and a couple slides down their little slide. Jacob did really good hitting the baseball, and I will post a video soon with proof! After dinner we headed over to my grandma's house with some cupcakes for a mini-birthday celebration. I brought some extras from the batch I made for daycare. It was a little experimental thanks to not being sure if my oil was still good. I opted to do the egg-free recipe, so I had to use the only light-colored soda we had, Wegmans Diet Cherry Wedge--a cherry-grapefruit flavor. It gave the white cake a hint of cherry flavor, and I did my experimental icing with milk, powdered sugar, vanilla and a drop of blue food coloring. It didn't turn out too bad! Here's our happy little family...
After that we headed out to Craig's side of the family. Jacob fell asleep on the way there, which led to the snuggling I posted about yesterday. When we woke up the next morning, I decided to try to institute a tradition from when I was a kid into my own family. I remember many birthday mornings where I headed into my parents' room and got to open my birthday gifts from them on their bed. I don't know if that was all my gifts or just a select few, if it was done that way on purpose or if that's just how it worked out, or even if it happened that way every year, but I have vivid memories of that and I always thought it was sort of cool. So, once Jacob was up he got to open up the one gift I bothering bringing with us--his magnetic doodler. He didn't get all jumping up and down excited, but few things do that for him outside of sports and Elmocizing. But he still seemed very interested and couldn't wait to play with it. Based on his responses to it since, I think I picked a winner. He was so obsessed with the ones at daycare that I figured I had to give it a shot.
Craig was recruited to help with his brother's campaign for a good chunk of the day, so for a while it was just Jacob and me. We ran to get the ice cream needed to make the ice cream cake I was making for the tiny Jacob portion of his cousins' birthday party, and then stopped at the playground while the ice cream softened up in the car. We did the slide, the swings, and a couple other random things before heading back to Craig's parents'. I worked on the cake while Jacob played, then took him on a little walk to knock him out and get him napped before the party. He fell asleep pretty quickly, but only stayed asleep for about 30-45 minutes. Ugh. Still, other than a couple small tantrums, he was a very good boy for most of the day. We played a lot of baseball, ate a LOT of fruit and tortilla chips, and finally did get him in the pool after cake time. He was staring at it all day but kept saying "no" when we asked him if he wanted to go in. I think he didn't want to take time away from his playing to get changed, honestly. He got sung to after the twins, and he really seemed to enjoy the attention. He sings "Happy Birthday" a lot, and even tries to sing "Sto lat", the Polish version of the song. Here are the lyrics, per Wikipedia:
Sto lat, sto lat,
Niech żyje, żyje nam.
Sto lat, sto lat, Niech żyje, żyje nam,
Jeszcze raz, jeszcze raz,
niech żyje, żyje nam,
Niech żyje nam!This translates roughly into English as:A hundred years, a hundred years,May he (she) live for us.A hundred years, a hundred years,May he live for us.Once again, once again,may he live, live for us,May he live for us!
Jacob only gets the "Sto lat" part out, but it's cute that he tries. He'll still probaly learn it quicker than I did. I think it took me a good six years or so to be able to sing along completely. As has been his M.O. lately, he didn't eat any cake. I think he's just too busy running around doing other things. I think I ate plenty for both of us, though. It was just too good!
After a great swim in the toasty warm pool it was time to head home. Jacob was out practically before we were out of Craig's parents' neighborhood, and Craig was out before we even hit the second exit on the Thruway. I have a picture of both of them sleeping (yeah, I took it while driving on the Thruway, using my rear view mirror and holding the camera up--I swear, I was careful), but I will refrain from posting it here (for now) because Craig might not appreciate it. It's cute, though.
Jacob woke up a bit when we got home and I got him in bed, but he stayed quiet and snuggled with me in bed while Craig unpacked and we chatted a bit. Eventually he just fell back to sleep and that was it. I finished off the evening with a new batch of icing for the remaining cupcakes, some laundry and a blog post. Weekend complete.
Now we just need to get through this week for what we hope will be a pleasant weekend including lots of pool time and a trip to the drive-in, among other things. Craig and I are going to a fundraising event tonight (night out!), Craig has softball tomorrow, and I'm planning an ill-advised trip to IKEA in Burlington, ON on Wednesday to try to buy a piece of furniture that's too long for my car. I'm either going to try to bungee it in (at least until I get back to Buffalo, if all else fails), or I'll return it on the spot, or I'll look into shipping it back. The piece I want is ridiculously on sale ($99 down from $229) for one day, and I'm determined to get it here somehow. I'd like a riding/shopping/lifting/bungeeing partner, but so far no takers. Even better if that person came with a bigger vehicle. I keep thinking about renting a vehicle, but for one that big it appears to be cost-prohibitive. Still thinking about it, though. So, yeah, busy week coming up...but busy's good, I guess...it keeps things interesting!
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Two Years Old!
Wow...Jacob is officially two years old! What an amazing two years it has been. A lot of random thoughts have floated in and out of my head in the last few days, thinking back to what I was doing two years ago at any given moment. I couldn't help but smile and laugh a little on Friday night as I climbed into bed, thinking about how two years ago at that moment I was probably wandering around the house waiting for the doctor to call back and advise us on how to proceed with my leaking amniotic fluid. I was half panicked, half full of adrenaline, and completely overwhelmed. How can I focus enough to pack my hospital bag? Are we going to be up all night, waiting to run to the hospital at any given moment? And if we stayed at home, would I even be able to sleep when every shift of my body caused another trickle? What a night that was. Yesterday morning I thought about the visit to the doctor's to confirm what was happening, followed by a non-stress test and our stop at our respective offices to wrap things up before getting the official call to head to the hospital. At lunch time I thought about our long wait in the hospital lobby before they got us into a room. At dinner I recalled how I was just starting to feel some pain at that point, and by bedtime I was thinking about the odd hours in between the epidural and full dilation, prior to pushing. Such an odd time of trying to rest, knowing I could never sleep, and yet being a little jealous of whatever sleep and food Craig got. And today I relived a couple moments as well, though Jacob's birth day was a little less triumphant than the rest, I suppose, for reasons I'll get into in a bit.
Last night I had the distinct pleasure of snuggling Jacob for a good hour or two. Craig was headed out for a guys night out with his dad and brother, and Jacob was headed to bed...but he'd napped a bit on our way to Craig's parents, for about an hour between 7:00 and 8:00, and he was having trouble winding down. I was pretty sleepy myself, so I laid down with him...and much to my surprise he snuggled right in. It's rare he does that these days, since he's always moving! We snuggled for quite a while, both of us unable to sleep. But it was the most relaxing and enjoyable time, other than the nagging thought that Jacob needed to be sleeping so he'd be in a good mood for his birthday! Eventually I did have to put him in his pack 'n' play and let him nod off on his own, but I truly enjoyed the experience. And we did much the same tonight after he woke up upon our arrival home and didn't quite seem ready to go to bed. This time he did fall asleep with me, though, and I was more than happy to put him into bed sleeping soundly. It just seemed appropriate to spend that one-on-one close time with him these last couple days, almost commemorating the closeness we left behind two years ago today, that of him actually living inside my belly.
I still think back on pregnancy often...probably too often, in fact. I'll leave that topic for another post, but I suppose his approaching birthday probably brought up more memories than usual in the last week or two. And tonight on the drive home I couldn't help but think of that awkward first day post-pregnancy. Looking back on it now I realize just how awkward it was. As you may recall, Jacob was born at 2:40am. After a couple hours of cleanup and regaining full control of my body, I finally got transferred into my hospital room, ate a good meal (one of the best of my life, despite its contents), and called my parents. The next couple hours were a blur, somewhere between sleep and awkward attempts to nurse. I could hardly move from my bed and Jacob's bassinet was at the end of my bed, and Craig was too sound asleep to help me when Jacob cried. Arg. Sometime around 6am, I think, a nurse came in and didn't like what she was seeing. She whisked Jacob off to the nursery to have him checked out, and there he stayed. I got a couple updates here and there, but in all of my concern and confusion I never really figured out what my role should be that day. I couldn't nurse him yet because he was all hooked up to IVs and machines, and I wasn't too mobile anyway to get up and wander there myself. I blogged and watched a lot of TV, tried to nap, and just generally worried. Craig went down to the nursery a couple times, but I don't think I made my way down there until the early evening. I just wasn't sure what to do. I don't think anyone told me that I could go down there, and I was too tired to think to ask. I think I eventually just went because I figured I should. And that time was great. I got some awesome pictures, had some great visitors, and really enjoyed motherhood for the first time. The rest of the week probably went downhill pretty fast with all of Jacob's treatments and my mental breakdown, but it was a nice moment nonetheless.
I still look back on that first week with a little regret, because we never got the traditional picture in the hospital room of mom and baby, or our new little family. And I don't have nearly enough pictures of Jacob from that first week, since the whole thing of being in the hospital, overtired, uncomfortable and definitely not feeling at home was quite a distraction. I guess I didn't want a bunch of pictures of my bionic baby all hooked up to wires. Not exactly the picture-perfect, adorable shots most people have filling their albums from that first week or two. It's definitely one of the things I hope to do differently next time, regardless of any tubes and wires that might get in the way.
But here we are two years later with a healthy, happy little boy. He's four times heavier and nearly a foot longer than he was back then, and is such an armful now that I've pretty much given up standing up while rocking him, on the rare occasions that he needs it. I marvel as I run my fingers through his full head of hair, grab his chubby thighs and rub his round belly, sans umbilical cord...appreciating all of the things that were so different the day he was born. He's talking up a storm these days, using adjectives and full (short) sentences now. It's amazing. Today we played on a playground (more on our weekend coming soon) and I smiled as he climbed up the stairs to the slide all by himself (with me closely behind, of course). I never could have thought far enough ahead back then to imagine the little boy he'd be two years later. Back then it was one day at a time, if not one hour. Lately I've been second-guessing the sure-thing second child decree I had back when I was pregnant ("If we have one, we're having two"), for a few reasons that I'll get into another time (perhaps as part of the pregnancy post), but today was a reminder of how far we've come, and how amazing it is to watch your child grow when you have a benchmark like today to help mark your progress. It's hard, hard work, but it's amazing and rewarding and such a unique experience that you can never wish it away. Sure, sometimes you need a break, or wish you could hop in a time machine to go back to a more carefree time, but parenthood changes you in ways you never imagined. I'm a vastly different person than who I was two years ago, in some ways I can't even explain and in others far too obvious (yes, I worry and yell a lot more, but I also love more, too). It's been one heck of a ride and it's hard to believe our lives have been upside down (or right side up?) for two whole years. Sleep deprivation and stress aside, it's an honor to be Jacob's mommy. When we were cuddling and he grabbed my hand to hold it or put it around him tighter, there's nothing better in the world than that. Simply perfect. He's not a perfect child and we're not perfect parents, but that was a perfect moment nonetheless. Happy Birthday to my little man, the greatest gift I have ever received.
Last night I had the distinct pleasure of snuggling Jacob for a good hour or two. Craig was headed out for a guys night out with his dad and brother, and Jacob was headed to bed...but he'd napped a bit on our way to Craig's parents, for about an hour between 7:00 and 8:00, and he was having trouble winding down. I was pretty sleepy myself, so I laid down with him...and much to my surprise he snuggled right in. It's rare he does that these days, since he's always moving! We snuggled for quite a while, both of us unable to sleep. But it was the most relaxing and enjoyable time, other than the nagging thought that Jacob needed to be sleeping so he'd be in a good mood for his birthday! Eventually I did have to put him in his pack 'n' play and let him nod off on his own, but I truly enjoyed the experience. And we did much the same tonight after he woke up upon our arrival home and didn't quite seem ready to go to bed. This time he did fall asleep with me, though, and I was more than happy to put him into bed sleeping soundly. It just seemed appropriate to spend that one-on-one close time with him these last couple days, almost commemorating the closeness we left behind two years ago today, that of him actually living inside my belly.
I still think back on pregnancy often...probably too often, in fact. I'll leave that topic for another post, but I suppose his approaching birthday probably brought up more memories than usual in the last week or two. And tonight on the drive home I couldn't help but think of that awkward first day post-pregnancy. Looking back on it now I realize just how awkward it was. As you may recall, Jacob was born at 2:40am. After a couple hours of cleanup and regaining full control of my body, I finally got transferred into my hospital room, ate a good meal (one of the best of my life, despite its contents), and called my parents. The next couple hours were a blur, somewhere between sleep and awkward attempts to nurse. I could hardly move from my bed and Jacob's bassinet was at the end of my bed, and Craig was too sound asleep to help me when Jacob cried. Arg. Sometime around 6am, I think, a nurse came in and didn't like what she was seeing. She whisked Jacob off to the nursery to have him checked out, and there he stayed. I got a couple updates here and there, but in all of my concern and confusion I never really figured out what my role should be that day. I couldn't nurse him yet because he was all hooked up to IVs and machines, and I wasn't too mobile anyway to get up and wander there myself. I blogged and watched a lot of TV, tried to nap, and just generally worried. Craig went down to the nursery a couple times, but I don't think I made my way down there until the early evening. I just wasn't sure what to do. I don't think anyone told me that I could go down there, and I was too tired to think to ask. I think I eventually just went because I figured I should. And that time was great. I got some awesome pictures, had some great visitors, and really enjoyed motherhood for the first time. The rest of the week probably went downhill pretty fast with all of Jacob's treatments and my mental breakdown, but it was a nice moment nonetheless.
I still look back on that first week with a little regret, because we never got the traditional picture in the hospital room of mom and baby, or our new little family. And I don't have nearly enough pictures of Jacob from that first week, since the whole thing of being in the hospital, overtired, uncomfortable and definitely not feeling at home was quite a distraction. I guess I didn't want a bunch of pictures of my bionic baby all hooked up to wires. Not exactly the picture-perfect, adorable shots most people have filling their albums from that first week or two. It's definitely one of the things I hope to do differently next time, regardless of any tubes and wires that might get in the way.
But here we are two years later with a healthy, happy little boy. He's four times heavier and nearly a foot longer than he was back then, and is such an armful now that I've pretty much given up standing up while rocking him, on the rare occasions that he needs it. I marvel as I run my fingers through his full head of hair, grab his chubby thighs and rub his round belly, sans umbilical cord...appreciating all of the things that were so different the day he was born. He's talking up a storm these days, using adjectives and full (short) sentences now. It's amazing. Today we played on a playground (more on our weekend coming soon) and I smiled as he climbed up the stairs to the slide all by himself (with me closely behind, of course). I never could have thought far enough ahead back then to imagine the little boy he'd be two years later. Back then it was one day at a time, if not one hour. Lately I've been second-guessing the sure-thing second child decree I had back when I was pregnant ("If we have one, we're having two"), for a few reasons that I'll get into another time (perhaps as part of the pregnancy post), but today was a reminder of how far we've come, and how amazing it is to watch your child grow when you have a benchmark like today to help mark your progress. It's hard, hard work, but it's amazing and rewarding and such a unique experience that you can never wish it away. Sure, sometimes you need a break, or wish you could hop in a time machine to go back to a more carefree time, but parenthood changes you in ways you never imagined. I'm a vastly different person than who I was two years ago, in some ways I can't even explain and in others far too obvious (yes, I worry and yell a lot more, but I also love more, too). It's been one heck of a ride and it's hard to believe our lives have been upside down (or right side up?) for two whole years. Sleep deprivation and stress aside, it's an honor to be Jacob's mommy. When we were cuddling and he grabbed my hand to hold it or put it around him tighter, there's nothing better in the world than that. Simply perfect. He's not a perfect child and we're not perfect parents, but that was a perfect moment nonetheless. Happy Birthday to my little man, the greatest gift I have ever received.
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