Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Oh, crap.

So, it appears I'm going to be a little shorthanded for a while. Craig came home from softball last night (yes, he plays two nights in a row...or should I say, played) with a pretty severe injury to his calf. It could be a torn muscle, it could be a ruptured Achilles. We won't know until tomorrow when he gets the results of the MRI he's getting tonight. Needless to say, I am not a happy camper. And of course, neither is Craig. He can't walk. He literally crawled up the stairs last night and took forever to figure out how to hop into the bathroom without injuring himself further. He's been spending part of the day today figuring out how to get around the house more easily, until the crutches fairy arrives at the house. He's considered the computer chair and the scooter in our crawl space so far. Eventually his crutches will arrive (via someone in the Amerks office) and he'll at least be a little more mobile. But unfortunately, if his hands are on a set of crutches, Craig is not equipped to leave the house with Jacob. Jacob needs good handholding (and if that fails, a good set of legs) anytime we're out and about. So, that means I'm pretty much on the hook for daycare fulltime until further notice, which puts the status of my measly once-a-week workouts up in the air. Craig can't play with Jacob, since playing with Jacob generally involves lots of ball chasing. Tending to the pool and yard could get interesting, and in general the timing of this is terrible since there's a lot to get done in the next few days leading up to Jacob's party.

I said in my Facebook status this morning that I know I should be feeling more pity for Craig, but that it's hard for me to get past the fact that this injury puts a heck of a lot on my shoulders. Not only am I the only able-bodied adult in the house in the midst of party planning AND the usual day-to-day stuff, but now I need to take care of Craig on top of Jacob. Last night when he was requesting ice and ice cream, among other things, while I was in the middle of doing a bunch of stuff myself, I got really frustrated. And I get it, this is all very selfish. Craig is the one who can't walk and may be facing surgery and the inevitable end of his softball career. But this injury could truly mess up our whole summer, which impacts us all in so many ways. And selfish though it may be, it does put a lot of weight on my shoulders...shoulders that already had enough on them. Not only do I have to do my usual cooking and cleaning (which I already skimp on due to time constraints), but I'll probably have to pick up some extra laundry duties. I'll be the go-to-girl for Jacob's playtime (which, unfortunately, includes the time when I'm cooking dinner) and will probably have to resume some of the morning Jacob duties that I passed off to Craig a long time ago. My work schedule will be limited since I'll be on the hook for daycare drop-offs and pick-ups for at least as long as it takes for us to figure out if it's possible to keep Jacob in check without holding him or his hand. And I am swamped at work right now, so much so that I'm worried about even taking off on Friday to get party stuff done. It's just a lot to think about...and that's not even getting into how this injury or any potential surgeries could impact the rest of our summer plans or our bank account. Even beyond any mini-vacations that we'd take, are we going to be less likely to do a lot of the things that make summer fun, like walks by the lake, visits to festivals, or random baseball games because Craig isn't really that mobile?

The ironic thing about all of this is that I've obviously done things alone before, when Craig's been on road trips. I don't know what it is, but this is just different. Maybe it's because road trips are short term and I'm not worried that a couple days of a distracted mommy will stick with Jacob for too long. Maybe it's because having Craig in plain sight provides a false sense of security--that it might seem like I've got able bodied backup, but I don't. Sure, Craig can still talk to Jacob and distract him and play with him as much as he can from the couch, but when you have a toddler that doesn't sit still, it only goes so far. And I do wonder how Jacob will deal with all of this. Even though we can tell him daddy has a boo-boo and can't play baseball, I'm just not sure it will sink in enough for him to truly get that daddy isn't ignoring his pleas. Maybe this is more frustrating because summer is the one time of year where we can control our weekends and enjoy the evenings a bit...and this puts a big cramp in that. It's just disappointing. But regardless, for some reason this just seems harder than all those weekends alone in the middle of winter.

I guess we don't have much of a choice but to see how it goes. Wish us luck!

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