Jacob had his first doctor's appointment today, and he's doing well. He's now 10 days old and weighs in at 6 lbs. 14 0z., which means that he's surpassed his birth weight before the two week target. That was a huge load off my mind, because as his sole source of nourishment, I want to make sure he's getting enough. Despite a wacky feeding schedule and some random spit-up episodes, it appears he is. All of our other questions for the pediatrician came up as normal, and other than him peeing on the table, it was a pretty uneventful visit. He can even skip an appointment and not go back until late July. (I think because he was in the hospital a week, it threw off his schedule. He would have gone in a week or so ago, most likely, then again this week, but it was either go in again Friday or just wait until the month checkup. Since he's over his birth weight, there was really no need to go again this week.)
The time home has been good, though he's had a couple middle of the night wide awake periods, which are tough to deal with. We're afraid his clock is a little backwards right now, but hopefully that will work itself out. Other than one long stretch of being awake at night, he sleeps really well, so I guess we can't complain. He's such a cutie, and although I wish I didn't have such fear every time I went to change him (projectile poo is still a problem...and then he added a fountain into the mix this morning), things are going pretty well. I haven't been able to get much done around the house that I wanted to, however, even with Craig home yesterday and today. Yesterday I took my first trip out alone, which was really needed. Much easier to leave Jacob home with Craig for a couple hours than to try to explain to Craig exactly what he needed to buy at Wal-Mart and Wegmans. It was good to get out, but it's not quite the carefree shopping experience that I was so used to before!
I guess that's about it for now. I will try to post some new pictures one of these days...
Monday, June 30, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Home at Last
Blame it on sleep deprivation...I had posted an entry a couple days ago but when I logged in today, it wasn't there. Turns out I had inadvertently posted it to Craig's Rattlers' blog because he had been signed in on the computer we were using at the hospital. Ugh. Probably a lot of confused lacrosse fans out there! Now that that's fixed, you get two posts in one day, sort of...
Jacob finally came home yesterday morning. It was the end of a very long week. We got to stay overnight at the hospital again, which gave us our first taste of nearly-24-hour-a-day care, and it was tough. He was up for a couple hours at one point, and nothing was calming him down. Definitely not a lot of sleep.
Once he was home yesterday Craig had to go off to work, so it was just me and Jacob for the day. He took a really long nap in the afternoon, and unfortunately, that happened to be the nap I was running around the house getting things sorted out a bit, instead of taking my nap (which I had tried to do the nap before, which only lasted about an hour). By the evening my nerves were starting to fray a bit, because the house was hot and I was worried about how it was impacting Jacob. His eating pattern has been off a bit, so that was bothering me too. I'm definitely feeling a bit inadequate. I know that's relatively normal for the first couple days home from the hospital, but he IS a week old and I'm feeling much better physically than most new moms when their babies come home...but my lack of baby experience up to this point in my life is making me really nervous. I know babies don't need a lot at this stage, just to be fed, to sleep, to be changed, and to have a little interaction. But it's hard to read him sometimes and I feel like I don't even know the right questions to ask when I have the chance. I just don't want my inexperience and exhaustion to leave him vulnerable to anything.
Anyway, he has now learned how to projectile poop. He did it to me twice in the span of about 12 hours. Really nasty. The first night home was so-so. I agonized over trying to swaddle him because the house was so warm, but it seemed to be ok. He didn't feel too hot, and in fact, he slept well. Almost too well, because I'm feeling like I'm going to have to start waking him up during these long spans of sleep to make sure he's getting fed enough during the day. His odd feeding (shorter feedings...he seems to lose interest after a while, then needs an additional shorter feeding later) continued into this morning, and now I'm waiting for him to wake up to feed again. I got some decent sleep, though not enough (never enough!). Oh, and I suppose I should shower, too, while Craig's still here. Life as a new parent...
Speaking of Craig, today is our 5th wedding anniversary. How time flies! We were listening to the rain pour outside this morning and felt relieved that today wasn't our wedding day! We had a great wedding with a beautiful day...and I can't believe it's been five years. Unfortunately, Craig is off to work in a bit for a Rattlers' home game today. He's got most of the next week off, thankfully, but there are still some work commitments that he needs to attend to. I'll be getting some help from my cousin Lori this afternoon, which will be nice. She's dying to hold Jacob (after him being hooked up for so long at the hospital and not being able to be held by other people), so my arms should be a bit freer this afternoon :) Hopefully I will chill out a bit today (figuratively and literally) and be able to enjoy this experience a little more. He's such an amazing little guy, but the constant demand can make it tough to smell the roses a bit. Have a nice weekend :)
Jacob finally came home yesterday morning. It was the end of a very long week. We got to stay overnight at the hospital again, which gave us our first taste of nearly-24-hour-a-day care, and it was tough. He was up for a couple hours at one point, and nothing was calming him down. Definitely not a lot of sleep.
Once he was home yesterday Craig had to go off to work, so it was just me and Jacob for the day. He took a really long nap in the afternoon, and unfortunately, that happened to be the nap I was running around the house getting things sorted out a bit, instead of taking my nap (which I had tried to do the nap before, which only lasted about an hour). By the evening my nerves were starting to fray a bit, because the house was hot and I was worried about how it was impacting Jacob. His eating pattern has been off a bit, so that was bothering me too. I'm definitely feeling a bit inadequate. I know that's relatively normal for the first couple days home from the hospital, but he IS a week old and I'm feeling much better physically than most new moms when their babies come home...but my lack of baby experience up to this point in my life is making me really nervous. I know babies don't need a lot at this stage, just to be fed, to sleep, to be changed, and to have a little interaction. But it's hard to read him sometimes and I feel like I don't even know the right questions to ask when I have the chance. I just don't want my inexperience and exhaustion to leave him vulnerable to anything.
Anyway, he has now learned how to projectile poop. He did it to me twice in the span of about 12 hours. Really nasty. The first night home was so-so. I agonized over trying to swaddle him because the house was so warm, but it seemed to be ok. He didn't feel too hot, and in fact, he slept well. Almost too well, because I'm feeling like I'm going to have to start waking him up during these long spans of sleep to make sure he's getting fed enough during the day. His odd feeding (shorter feedings...he seems to lose interest after a while, then needs an additional shorter feeding later) continued into this morning, and now I'm waiting for him to wake up to feed again. I got some decent sleep, though not enough (never enough!). Oh, and I suppose I should shower, too, while Craig's still here. Life as a new parent...
Speaking of Craig, today is our 5th wedding anniversary. How time flies! We were listening to the rain pour outside this morning and felt relieved that today wasn't our wedding day! We had a great wedding with a beautiful day...and I can't believe it's been five years. Unfortunately, Craig is off to work in a bit for a Rattlers' home game today. He's got most of the next week off, thankfully, but there are still some work commitments that he needs to attend to. I'll be getting some help from my cousin Lori this afternoon, which will be nice. She's dying to hold Jacob (after him being hooked up for so long at the hospital and not being able to be held by other people), so my arms should be a bit freer this afternoon :) Hopefully I will chill out a bit today (figuratively and literally) and be able to enjoy this experience a little more. He's such an amazing little guy, but the constant demand can make it tough to smell the roses a bit. Have a nice weekend :)
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Almost Normal...
Sorry I left that negative post up for a couple days...I didn't mean to, but it's been a busy couple days since. More time at the hospital, but more breaks, too. I feel much better. I finally just had to accept that he might have to get some formula here and there, that there was nothing I could do about him being here for a week and it making nursing more difficult. I'm still adjusting to my new body a bit, but I'm not nearly as uncomfortable as I was for a while, so that helps as well. It was a rough day or two, but I am feeling much more positive now.
Having my parents in town the past few days was great. They were really helpful, for moral support, transportation, taking care of things around the house, and just being doting grandparents! Things are progressing nicely with Jacob. He's mostly been here for his antibiotics the past few days. He was off one of his monitors earlier in the week, then got rid of a few more hookups. Now the only thing making him the "bionic baby" is the IV port in his hand. I don't miss working around his wires when changing his diapers, that's for sure!
He's eating more and getting a lot more alert. It's been a process trying to get to know him, since we haven't been able to spend a lot of solid time with him. A few hours here and there, then time off to get a meal or go home for the night. The breaks are nice, but getting used to his rhythms is going to take a while. Today my parents and I got here in the morning and got to go right into the overnight room, which is where Craig and I are staying tonight, with Jacob...our first night with just him and us. The room is about 4 times the size of the room I had been hanging out in, and has a bed, a couch, and a couple chairs, as well as a bathroom, TV, and fridge. Much better to hang out in all day...a little closer to home life, anyway. Speaking of which, that should begin tomorrow afternoon! It's nerve-wracking, but it will be so nice to get him home. I feel much better about the prospect of exclusively taking care of him now that I'm physically feeling better. I don't know how new moms do it when they go home with their babies after two days of recovery. Ugh. Not that this was fun either, but I guess I'm relieved that I can focus completely on him and not me now. Craig will have a lot of time off in the next couple weeks, between the holiday and vacation, so that will be great.
The little guy is waking up now, and judging by my chest, I think it's about time to eat, too...so time to go for now!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Rough Day
Before you get too worried, don't...Jacob's doing fine. He was even off the monitors all day today. He's back under the bilirubin lights again, but once again they're just being extra cautious and trying to treat the jaundice before it gets too bad. He responded well last time, so they're hoping he will again. In the meantime, he's doing his best to poop it all out (yes, that helps).
I probably should be sleeping instead of writing this, but it's been a long day and I have to pump again in an hour so I think it would be worse having to drag myself back out of bed than missing out on an extra half hour of sleep or so. Maybe that logic is what got me to where I am today, but I'm going to stick with it at least for tonight. Anyway, I've always been pretty honest on this blog, so why stop now? Today was a tough one. It started out with me waking up 100% sure that my milk has really come in. Not to be graphic, but my chest was really sore and rather firm...and not in a good way. For those of you who have never had a baby, just know that your chest is no longer your own, in so many ways. Then I realized that I have nothing to wear. I still have to wear maternity clothes because of my belly, but my nursing bra isn't really the right shape or support to wear with any of my maternity tops...or other shirts, for that matter. On top of that, the nursing pads were really obvious under everything. I was expecting to be home for weeks straight following delivery, so I went for comfort on all counts. Not so good when you have to go out in public. Then I forgot my pumped breast milk when we went to the hospital. Craig said good morning to Jacob and then went off to work. He's saving the vacation time for when Jacob is finally home. My parents came in this morning for a couple days and finally got to hold Jacob, which was nice.
Pretty much the whole day, from 9am to after 7pm, I was in the same little room adjacent to the special care nursery. We were in the same room for a good chunk of the day yesterday as well. It's small and has no windows, but it's private for needing to nurse and it allows us to spend most of the day with Jacob. It was an up and down day, with Jacob's feedings a little crazy (a continuation from last night--just some oddball stuff that I'm attributing (right or wrong) to him getting supplemented with formula, bottle feeding with both breast milk and formula, and getting a pacifier to soothe him periodically when he freaks out during treatments) and him just ending up overtired from a lot of stimulation. He slept well for a while in the afternoon after needing the pacifier (ugh...really never wanted to use them, but I'm finding out that they have a certain function) to chill out. Regardless, I was pretty good until later this afternoon, when things just started to compound. Whether it's some hint at postpardom depression or a case of the "baby blues" (I hate that term...it seems really condescending for something that's actually pretty serious), I don't know. I know it's easy enough to chalk it up to lack of sleep and an overwhelming set of life changes, but I'm not convinced it's as simple as that. Hormones can be crazy, and I'm sure they're part of the equation too. In any event, after my parents left to go retrieve the breast milk in the fridge and drop off their stuff, and once Craig arrived at the hospital from work, I had a meltdown. It lasted a good three hours or more, with me being pretty inconsolable that whole time. My head still hurts, actually. There are a lot of factors behind it, including hormones and lack of sleep, I'm sure. But in general the biggest thing is a frustration with the nursing process. As I mentioned yesterday, a third of my existence now revolves around that. Nursing, pumping, waking up to do either, thinking about needing to pump to try to minimize the formula they have to supplement it with, dealing with the discomfort of it all, and getting frustrated if Jacob doesn't appear to be nursing quite like he was or how I'd like him to...it's a vicious circle. One issue just leads into the next, and it gets overwhelming. It all leads into other issues about being a good mother and things like that, but I know a lot of that is just an overly emotional addition to the nursing thing, which I consider a real, non-hormone-induced issue. No matter how many nurses or lactation consultants or loving family members you have telling you that you're doing your best, it never seems to be quite enough. And I'm not saying this to elicit pity (I don't want it right now...it just seems to make things worse)...it's just a very real feeling and it's a tough one to deal with. I know I'm doing my best, but in the end you wonder if the effort is worth it. For example, why kill myself to try to nurse if in the end he's going to end up on formula, either because I just can't provide enough breastmilk or because I'm going to send myself on a path to the antidepressants trying to do so? I know breast milk is best and I know formula is still 100% fine, but both ends of the spectrum are tough. Mixing isn't ideal but is completely possible, and that has been happening to some extent already. Some research on the internet tonight made me feel a bit better about it all, but it's still really hard.
However, I need to cut myself some slack, or I'm going to go nuts. I still have to get up and pump every three hours, and I'm going to do my best to keep Jacob on as much breast milk as possible...but I know I can't do it all so I just have to accept that he's going to get his share of formula this week. I am hoping that it won't screw anything up for him--taste-wise, nursing technique-wise, or with nipple confusion (that's a real thing--look it up)--but it's a risk that's going to have to be taken. I just have to keep in mind that it's temporary and there's nothing I can do about the fact that he's in the hospital...it's an extenuating circumstance that wasn't planned for. If he had just come home, I'd still be having some of these frustrations, but the barriers to normal nursing that I have now wouldn't be there (geography, spending the whole day in the same room, less opportunities for "fun" with him (most of my interaction seems rather "business-like" right now)), and most likely I'd find a way to deal. But right now the issues have compounded and I feel a bit like I've been hit by a truck.
I still have to figure out what to do about tomorrow. I don't think mentally I can take another day in that room. I think I'll have to do a lot of pumping, spend a little time at the hospital, and try to get some distance from the whole thing. Sucks to say that about something involving your own newborn child, but I think it's important right now. It's still a long week. I want to make sure my parents see Jacob a bunch while they're here (they can't without Craig or me there), but they also want a sane daughter so I think they'll understand if we don't do another marathon session. On the bright side, the less time we're there, the more time he'll spend under the lights getting better. A little less interaction here and there for the rest of the week hopefully won't scar him for life....but a crazy mom might.
Anyway, it's time to pump. My apologies for the extra long, extra depressing post. I am hoping not to dwell on this too much in the days to come, but it may still pop up a bit because it's all a part of the process. I didn't think it would be fair to gloss over it or not mention it at all, because as great as Jacob is, not everything is perfect and wonderful. The blog can be great therapy, and hopefully tomorrow things will feel a little better. Oh, and please no "rah-rah" comments...I know this is normal, I know I'm doing my best, I know parenting is tough for everyone...like I said, I didn't want pity with this post. Just trying to be honest and present the full picture as best I can. I know it will all work out, but this is defintely a process to be reckoned with. I'll get there.
I probably should be sleeping instead of writing this, but it's been a long day and I have to pump again in an hour so I think it would be worse having to drag myself back out of bed than missing out on an extra half hour of sleep or so. Maybe that logic is what got me to where I am today, but I'm going to stick with it at least for tonight. Anyway, I've always been pretty honest on this blog, so why stop now? Today was a tough one. It started out with me waking up 100% sure that my milk has really come in. Not to be graphic, but my chest was really sore and rather firm...and not in a good way. For those of you who have never had a baby, just know that your chest is no longer your own, in so many ways. Then I realized that I have nothing to wear. I still have to wear maternity clothes because of my belly, but my nursing bra isn't really the right shape or support to wear with any of my maternity tops...or other shirts, for that matter. On top of that, the nursing pads were really obvious under everything. I was expecting to be home for weeks straight following delivery, so I went for comfort on all counts. Not so good when you have to go out in public. Then I forgot my pumped breast milk when we went to the hospital. Craig said good morning to Jacob and then went off to work. He's saving the vacation time for when Jacob is finally home. My parents came in this morning for a couple days and finally got to hold Jacob, which was nice.
Pretty much the whole day, from 9am to after 7pm, I was in the same little room adjacent to the special care nursery. We were in the same room for a good chunk of the day yesterday as well. It's small and has no windows, but it's private for needing to nurse and it allows us to spend most of the day with Jacob. It was an up and down day, with Jacob's feedings a little crazy (a continuation from last night--just some oddball stuff that I'm attributing (right or wrong) to him getting supplemented with formula, bottle feeding with both breast milk and formula, and getting a pacifier to soothe him periodically when he freaks out during treatments) and him just ending up overtired from a lot of stimulation. He slept well for a while in the afternoon after needing the pacifier (ugh...really never wanted to use them, but I'm finding out that they have a certain function) to chill out. Regardless, I was pretty good until later this afternoon, when things just started to compound. Whether it's some hint at postpardom depression or a case of the "baby blues" (I hate that term...it seems really condescending for something that's actually pretty serious), I don't know. I know it's easy enough to chalk it up to lack of sleep and an overwhelming set of life changes, but I'm not convinced it's as simple as that. Hormones can be crazy, and I'm sure they're part of the equation too. In any event, after my parents left to go retrieve the breast milk in the fridge and drop off their stuff, and once Craig arrived at the hospital from work, I had a meltdown. It lasted a good three hours or more, with me being pretty inconsolable that whole time. My head still hurts, actually. There are a lot of factors behind it, including hormones and lack of sleep, I'm sure. But in general the biggest thing is a frustration with the nursing process. As I mentioned yesterday, a third of my existence now revolves around that. Nursing, pumping, waking up to do either, thinking about needing to pump to try to minimize the formula they have to supplement it with, dealing with the discomfort of it all, and getting frustrated if Jacob doesn't appear to be nursing quite like he was or how I'd like him to...it's a vicious circle. One issue just leads into the next, and it gets overwhelming. It all leads into other issues about being a good mother and things like that, but I know a lot of that is just an overly emotional addition to the nursing thing, which I consider a real, non-hormone-induced issue. No matter how many nurses or lactation consultants or loving family members you have telling you that you're doing your best, it never seems to be quite enough. And I'm not saying this to elicit pity (I don't want it right now...it just seems to make things worse)...it's just a very real feeling and it's a tough one to deal with. I know I'm doing my best, but in the end you wonder if the effort is worth it. For example, why kill myself to try to nurse if in the end he's going to end up on formula, either because I just can't provide enough breastmilk or because I'm going to send myself on a path to the antidepressants trying to do so? I know breast milk is best and I know formula is still 100% fine, but both ends of the spectrum are tough. Mixing isn't ideal but is completely possible, and that has been happening to some extent already. Some research on the internet tonight made me feel a bit better about it all, but it's still really hard.
However, I need to cut myself some slack, or I'm going to go nuts. I still have to get up and pump every three hours, and I'm going to do my best to keep Jacob on as much breast milk as possible...but I know I can't do it all so I just have to accept that he's going to get his share of formula this week. I am hoping that it won't screw anything up for him--taste-wise, nursing technique-wise, or with nipple confusion (that's a real thing--look it up)--but it's a risk that's going to have to be taken. I just have to keep in mind that it's temporary and there's nothing I can do about the fact that he's in the hospital...it's an extenuating circumstance that wasn't planned for. If he had just come home, I'd still be having some of these frustrations, but the barriers to normal nursing that I have now wouldn't be there (geography, spending the whole day in the same room, less opportunities for "fun" with him (most of my interaction seems rather "business-like" right now)), and most likely I'd find a way to deal. But right now the issues have compounded and I feel a bit like I've been hit by a truck.
I still have to figure out what to do about tomorrow. I don't think mentally I can take another day in that room. I think I'll have to do a lot of pumping, spend a little time at the hospital, and try to get some distance from the whole thing. Sucks to say that about something involving your own newborn child, but I think it's important right now. It's still a long week. I want to make sure my parents see Jacob a bunch while they're here (they can't without Craig or me there), but they also want a sane daughter so I think they'll understand if we don't do another marathon session. On the bright side, the less time we're there, the more time he'll spend under the lights getting better. A little less interaction here and there for the rest of the week hopefully won't scar him for life....but a crazy mom might.
Anyway, it's time to pump. My apologies for the extra long, extra depressing post. I am hoping not to dwell on this too much in the days to come, but it may still pop up a bit because it's all a part of the process. I didn't think it would be fair to gloss over it or not mention it at all, because as great as Jacob is, not everything is perfect and wonderful. The blog can be great therapy, and hopefully tomorrow things will feel a little better. Oh, and please no "rah-rah" comments...I know this is normal, I know I'm doing my best, I know parenting is tough for everyone...like I said, I didn't want pity with this post. Just trying to be honest and present the full picture as best I can. I know it will all work out, but this is defintely a process to be reckoned with. I'll get there.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Cool Things about the Little Man
The past couple days I've spent a ridiculous amount of time staring at Jacob. It's partly because I can't take my eyes off him, and partly because of proximity...I spend practically a third of the day nursing him, after all. He just amazes me over and over again. Some things that make him extra cool:
1) He's got a dimple - He inherited a single dimple on his right cheek from Craig. You can't always see it, but when he makes certain faces it shows up and is the cutest thing ever.
2) He's got pretty hair - Yet another thing I think he got from Craig is some cool natural highlights to his hair. Craig's hair has a nice golden shine to it in certain light, and Jacob's hair has the same thing. And it's perfect baby hair...not too much, not too little.
3) He squeaks - Even his cries are pretty cute right now, most of the time, because he does this squeaking thing. It's pretty endearing.
4) His little fingers and toes - Like any baby he's got adorable little fingers and toes, with tiny little nails. They're still a little ragged because I never remember to bring an emery board to fix them, but it's an amazing thing to see how they look in their most primitive state. You read during pregnancy about things like that, that the baby has developed fingernails at week whatever...and their current ragged state is how they were made. And he's really started to use his hands a lot, even if he doesn't know what he's doing with them yet.
5) His Superman pose - Sometimes when we burp him, he sticks his arms straight out into this Superman pose...it is so cute.
6) He's a trooper - Labor was no fun for me either, but the poor kid didn't ask to be born into this world...he just had to deal with it and be born. Along the way his head got squished through a pelvis with the assistance of a vacuum. Yikes. As a reward, he ended up with this huge bruise on his head. It looked pretty ugly for a couple days and is finally going away now, but it hurt just looking at it. However, once in a while I'd catch myself kissing his head pretty close to it, and he didn't even flinch.
Those are just a few of the cool things. He seems to be doing well...he responded well to the bilirubin lights, enough that he wasn't even on for 24 hours. I don't think the jaundice is completely gone, but they seem pleased with his progress. His low oxygen episodes were becoming fewer and fewer, so they've taken off one of his monitors. It makes me nervous, but he was always recovering from them on his own, pretty much, so it appears he's making progress and is mostly here for the antibiotics now, just to be certain he'll come home healthy.
We had a nice morning with him today after spending the night in the overnight room adjacent to the nursery. If only we could do that every night. We got to hang out with him alone for the first time. It simultaneously made me feel more comfortable and more nervous at the thought of bringing him home. We had fun, though, because it gave us more of a chance to get to know him. I finally got to leave the hospital for the first time today, and we skipped the afternoon feeding (courtesy of my new best friend the breast pump--not really...those things are helpful but borderline torture devices) so we could go home and get some things settled. We came back this evening and have had a less than helpful nurse running the nursery, but we've got one more feeding around midnight before heading home for the night. I'll be back first thing tomorrow, because pumped milk only goes so far right now.
For tonight I'll leave you with a little treat...the chance to hear his little squeaks!
1) He's got a dimple - He inherited a single dimple on his right cheek from Craig. You can't always see it, but when he makes certain faces it shows up and is the cutest thing ever.
2) He's got pretty hair - Yet another thing I think he got from Craig is some cool natural highlights to his hair. Craig's hair has a nice golden shine to it in certain light, and Jacob's hair has the same thing. And it's perfect baby hair...not too much, not too little.
3) He squeaks - Even his cries are pretty cute right now, most of the time, because he does this squeaking thing. It's pretty endearing.
4) His little fingers and toes - Like any baby he's got adorable little fingers and toes, with tiny little nails. They're still a little ragged because I never remember to bring an emery board to fix them, but it's an amazing thing to see how they look in their most primitive state. You read during pregnancy about things like that, that the baby has developed fingernails at week whatever...and their current ragged state is how they were made. And he's really started to use his hands a lot, even if he doesn't know what he's doing with them yet.
5) His Superman pose - Sometimes when we burp him, he sticks his arms straight out into this Superman pose...it is so cute.
6) He's a trooper - Labor was no fun for me either, but the poor kid didn't ask to be born into this world...he just had to deal with it and be born. Along the way his head got squished through a pelvis with the assistance of a vacuum. Yikes. As a reward, he ended up with this huge bruise on his head. It looked pretty ugly for a couple days and is finally going away now, but it hurt just looking at it. However, once in a while I'd catch myself kissing his head pretty close to it, and he didn't even flinch.
Those are just a few of the cool things. He seems to be doing well...he responded well to the bilirubin lights, enough that he wasn't even on for 24 hours. I don't think the jaundice is completely gone, but they seem pleased with his progress. His low oxygen episodes were becoming fewer and fewer, so they've taken off one of his monitors. It makes me nervous, but he was always recovering from them on his own, pretty much, so it appears he's making progress and is mostly here for the antibiotics now, just to be certain he'll come home healthy.
We had a nice morning with him today after spending the night in the overnight room adjacent to the nursery. If only we could do that every night. We got to hang out with him alone for the first time. It simultaneously made me feel more comfortable and more nervous at the thought of bringing him home. We had fun, though, because it gave us more of a chance to get to know him. I finally got to leave the hospital for the first time today, and we skipped the afternoon feeding (courtesy of my new best friend the breast pump--not really...those things are helpful but borderline torture devices) so we could go home and get some things settled. We came back this evening and have had a less than helpful nurse running the nursery, but we've got one more feeding around midnight before heading home for the night. I'll be back first thing tomorrow, because pumped milk only goes so far right now.
For tonight I'll leave you with a little treat...the chance to hear his little squeaks!
Sunday, June 22, 2008
One week...
I guess I'm getting my wish, in a really backwards way. Remember how I desperately wanted to have this baby right on time? Well, obviously that didn't go quite according to plan, but the timing of bringing him home may be about the same as if I did. Jacob's going to have to stay in the hospital another week, on antibiotics to clear up a touch of pneumonia in his lung. That seems to be the only reason his oxygen levels go down periodically, so they really need to keep him here and clear that up before sending him home with us. He's also under the bilirubin lights now to clear up a bit of jaundice before it gets out of hand. He started to get a little yellow--not a surprise given that his blood type is different from mine-so they got him started on it now. We just keep saying that he's putting on his shades and getting a good tan :) I'm getting discharged today but will be spending the night here tonight in the overnight room adjacent to the nursery. I can't stay every night because the room has to be shared among other parents, but I will probably get another night later this week. In the meantime I will be discovering the wonderful world of the breast pump, to try to keep him well-stocked with breast milk while I'm not here. It's going to be tough trying to work out a good schedule for getting me here to see him periodically, since Craig's probably going to work most of this week (better to be off when Jacob's finally home) and I'm not supposed to drive yet. It's going to be a long week, for sure. On the bright side, we can catch up on some sleep in anticipation of having him home next week, and we can finish up anything that didn't get done before he arrived. So, in a touch of irony, we'll get the week back that we didn't get before. Definitely not how we planned it, though.
It's obviously tough leaving him behind. However, they're assuring us that he'll come out of all of this fine. As a result, it's hard to get too upset because things could be so much worse. He could have been born with any number of major problems, and he wasn't. He's got something totally treatable, and he's in great hands. I feel better having him here getting the right care, rather than having him home and freaking out 24/7 worrying about his breathing. The logistics of being apart from him for a week are probably my biggest worry right now, weird as that sounds. But regardless, it will be so nice to finally get him home and just enjoy him for a change. The little bit of time we have with him each feeding when he's not actually feeding is enough to fall in love with him all over again...and we can't wait to have uninterrupted time like that at home with him soon.
Oh, and for those of you who are aware of our (or more specifically, my) complete lack of poopy diaper experience, I've now survived three of them. Granted, slimy green newborn poo is a little different than normal baby poop, but it's a start.
It's obviously tough leaving him behind. However, they're assuring us that he'll come out of all of this fine. As a result, it's hard to get too upset because things could be so much worse. He could have been born with any number of major problems, and he wasn't. He's got something totally treatable, and he's in great hands. I feel better having him here getting the right care, rather than having him home and freaking out 24/7 worrying about his breathing. The logistics of being apart from him for a week are probably my biggest worry right now, weird as that sounds. But regardless, it will be so nice to finally get him home and just enjoy him for a change. The little bit of time we have with him each feeding when he's not actually feeding is enough to fall in love with him all over again...and we can't wait to have uninterrupted time like that at home with him soon.
Oh, and for those of you who are aware of our (or more specifically, my) complete lack of poopy diaper experience, I've now survived three of them. Granted, slimy green newborn poo is a little different than normal baby poop, but it's a start.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Day Two
Well, Jacob is officially 36 hours old. He's still in the special care nursery but he looks great. He's still having episodes once in a while with his breathing, but it appears that most of them resolve themselves, so hopefully that's a good sign. No more space helmet, though, thank goodness. Still not sure how long they're going to leave him on the antibiotics, or whether or not he'll be able to come home with us, but we still have another day for them to observe him so we should have some answers tomorrow. My doctor told me today that I might not go home until Monday now, which is fine with me. It's not that I love hanging out here all day in a hospital gown, but I am nursing him every few hours now so it's way more convenient to be here and not have to worry about pumping or anything quite yet. We shall see, though.
I'm feeling better, I guess...still sore but a little more awake and mobile. I finally took a shower and have been trying to walk around a little more, so I think that's got to help a bit regardless. Craig's escaped the hospital a bit to check in at home, stop at the grocery store, and make himself feel a little more human as well. We're definitely still trying to figure out the parenting thing a bit, but we'll get the hang of it eventually. It's just odd not having Jacob in our room all day, because we haven't had as much of the usual experience yet...the nursery changes most of the diapers and things like that, so we feel a bit behind right now. We'll have plenty of time, but it probably would have been nice to encounter that stuff while we have a ton of people around to ask about things. Again, we'll figure it out eventually. Right now we just want to make sure his breathing gets back on track so he's safe when he comes home.
We had a lot of visitors yesterday, some of which were surprises, and it was nice to see people and show off our little man. He got rave reviews from everyone! It's also been fun reading our emails and getting all of our well-wishes...Craig sent the news out to the lacrosse team (he's missing a roadtrip this weekend) and the players' responses have been funny. It also got announced at the major press conference Craig missed on Thursday that he wasn't there because he was here, so he's gotten a lot of emails from a bunch of people that wouldn't have otherwise known. Technology makes this whole experience that much more interesting these days!
So without further ado, I'll give you what you've been waiting for...more pictures!
Our sleepy little angel :)
Look who's awake!
Have a nice weekend and check in again soon!
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