Keeping Busy

So....another week, still no answers.  I did find out that my two former co-workers were contacted for letters of recommendation (which they provided right away), so that's a good sign.  I sent an email today to check in, but I didn't hear back...not that I expected to, really.  I have to think that I will definitely hear something next week.  Of course, my big fear if I do get the job is that I'll have to ask off on Good Friday because both boys are off since daycare is closed.  My backup plan has some flaws right now, so I just have to hope it's already a holiday for them...and that this is the biggest problem on my agenda by then! 

In the meantime I'm trying to keep myself busy.  My doctor's appointment this week went well, and based on what I'm seeing in my bloodwork, my only problem is (still) my cholesterol, which is just above 250.  I'd really just like to go on medication for that since I'm fighting a losing genetic battle.  Could I improve my diet?  Maybe, if I wanted to suck all the joy out of eating.  With our gluten-free restrictions it's hard as it is, and quite frankly, I'm at a healthy weight and my diet is pretty reasonably decent as it is.  My guess is that genetics will win regardless.  But at least everything else seems fine.

Earlier this week I started playing around with a couple Pinterest projects.  I figure I might as well do them while I have the time!  One of them was a random "Shrinky Dink" jewelry project.  I'd pinned it a couple weeks ago, and then happened to realize I had the #6 plastic that I needed to do it in my pantry.  I bought a container of fastnachts (gluten-filled, donut-like baked goods that are available during Lent) a couple weekends ago (so good!), and the container was the exact type of plastic I needed for the project.  Just like Shrinky Dinks, the plastic will shrink and thicken when placed in a hot oven.  The Pinterest project used the plastic to make fun jewelry by having a child scribble colors on the plastic, cutting it up, punching holes, shrinking it, and using jewelry hardware to put it all together.  I did a lot of playing with the pieces I ended up with, and did three fun pieces. 

 

Upper left is a pendant, lower left is a bracelet, and on the right is a complete necklace.

The bracelet was basically a carbon copy of the one from the pin.  All of the scribbles look like fun abstract art when shrunk down.  Each bead is maybe a centimeter wide, and I connected them with jump rings.  I like that they're clear and light, but still colorful.

Once I finished with the bracelet, I have some pieces leftover--some additional unused links (I saved some in case any break) and some additional odd-sized pieces that I punched holes in and shrunk for fun.  In addition to the little end caps and jump rings, I bought some clear string for necklaces so I could fix an old beaded necklace of my grandma's that Carter destroyed a year or so ago.  I used three tiny pieces with jump rings and created a very delicate illusion necklace.  It's really simple and sweet.  Sorry about the sideways picture--I don't know why it flipped--but you get the idea.

The third piece was a triple linked pendant that I put on a chain I had. 

 



They turned out so much better than I expected and I love each of them.  Of course, my next experimental batch (completely colored in, larger red and blue pieces) didn't work so well.  The plastic had some flaws, but I'm not sure if it had to do with needing to draw on a certain side, or having a certain side face-down in the oven, or that I put them on a hot pan (with once-used parchment), rather than a cool pan.  I'll keep playing, though.

 

When I bought my jewelry supplies, I also bought a stack of felt.  I bought 11 different colors so I could make a very cheap, portable toy.  I don't know if Carter's quite ready, but since I have the time I wanted to get it done.  I pinned this one ages ago, probably close to two years ago when I first joined Pinterest to give me another diversion during nursing sessions.  I loved the idea of a felt Mr. Potato Head set, all contained in a travel wipes case!  I just happened to have an extra hanging out, so for $2.53 + tax, I made this little beauty:

I used one as a guide but made it my own.  I had fold out flaps for more storage and had lots of fun with the pieces.  I used the real toy as a guide for some of the pieces but made a lot of others, too.  There are blue shoes, women's shoes, sneakers, a bowler hat, a beanie, a women's hat, a baseball hat, brown women's hair,  a purse, a lacrosse stick (ha!), earrings, eyebrows, two sets each of arms and ears, three noses, three lips and some smiley teeth, three mustaches (one of which could also be a unibrow), two generic sets of eyes, one set of women's eyes, a pair of glasses with googly eyes, and one pair of sunglasses.  It's all pretty easily replaced, and it all stores in the case.  I thought it was so cute and so simple that I couldn't resist!  Hopefully Carter learns to play with it in the car since he's pretty bored most of the time on long trips.

Tonight we went to the arena to watch Craig's alma mater, Mercyhurst, play in the Atlantic Conference Hockey Final Four.  Despite getting outshot 62-29, Mercyhurst tied the game with 34 seconds left and won it a little over three minutes into overtime!  After we came home, local favorite RIT beat Buffalo's Canisius, which means RIT and Mercyhurst will play for the championship tomorrow.  We had a nice time, although Carter spent half the night on guard against the other team's mascot!  Here are a few pictures from the night (my first pictures with my real camera in two weeks--shame on me!):

Carter liked drumming on the ledge inside the suite.  He really might be our musician.



This is the mascot that freaked out Carter.  He *was* a little creepy.  He's a "Colonial", in case you were wondering.  I appreciated the hardcore hugs, regardless.

Carter thought it was funny to flick the straw on his cup to fling water, and while I don't normally allow that, the pure joy on his face was irresistible...

And in case you're wondering, I did try to take pictures of Jacob, too, but he either makes a weird face or gives up smiling before I can get a good shot.  Ugh.  Not the most patient kid.  Still, the boys were pretty good tonight and we had a nice time. 

Sunday we're off to Syracuse to see the Orange take on Duke in lacrosse, as part of a group of Jacob's teammates.  I've never seen a real Syracuse game in person, so it should be fun.  With these two games and the start of March Madness, this is shaping up to be a full college sports weekend.  It's so nice to have Craig off (again), but he's got a busy April (and possibly May) ahead so we really need to make the most of our time now.  Should be a good couple days.  Now if only the weather would get its act together and actually act like it's spring, we'd be all set...

Big Week...One Way or Another...

It's odd going into this week knowing that one way or another, this is probably going to be a pretty pivotal week.  I should find out, for better or for worse, about the job I've been interviewing for for three weeks.  If the news is good, that could mean this is my last free week.  If the news is bad, I'll be hunkering in for a while, freaking out a lot, and refreshing my job hunt, which has been a bit on the back burner the further I've gotten into this process.  I know that's bad, but when you're not finding much it's hard to stay motivated to keep searching. 

In addition, tomorrow marks the end of my severance, so my "free ride" will officially be over and crunch time begins.  I filed for unemployment today but can't get benefits until next week because this is my mandatory unpaid week.  Boo.  So no matter what, it's a big week where everything changes.

I mentioned the other day that I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday, which is my first physical in a very long time.  I just never got in a good habit, then I disliked my doctor, and then I just didn't bother to find a new one.  But with everything that's happened with my dad (not to mention a handful of things with my mom), and a few little things I'm noticing as I head into my late 30s (UGH), I feel like it's time to get things looked at so things are better down the road.  My lack of smell and taste is an issue, of course, though from past experience it's not something with an easy answer.  I'm pretty sure I've picked up a nasty case of reflux, and I got diagnosed a few years back with high cholesterol that hasn't been rechecked.  The cholesterol runs in the family so I'm pretty sure that even with diet it wouldn't be enough to avoid medication.  The reflux has been managed with over-the-counter medicine, though I'm a little worried I might need more since my throat still has moments where spicy foods or carbonated drinks burn it a little.  It's way better than it was, though.  I also have my borderline PCOS that I was made aware of when I tried to get pregnant with Carter.  I'm probably overdue to get to a dermatologist since skin cancer runs in the family, and someday I should really start allergy shots.  One thing at a time, I guess.

Anyway, I'm trying not to let the impending news bother me.  I have no idea when I might get the call (or email, for that matter), so I'm just trying to live life as usual and make the most of the time I have left.  I made a double batch of gluten-free meatballs to freeze over the weekend (and the first taste test was good!).  I worked on Carter's baby book a lot over the past few days as it was sorely overdue for work.  Believe me, it was no small task filling in a lot of that stuff two years later!  Yesterday I finished the third novel I've read during my time off, as part of a mission to catch up on all of the books I was behind on from my favorite author.  This is definitely the most reading I've done in ages, particularly outside of traveling.  Today Craig stayed home for the morning to sleep off his weekend traveling, and Carter, Craig, and I headed to Dairy Queen for lunch and free cone day!  Don't worry, we brought Jacob a treat for later!  I also caught up on a couple mainstream/Christian movies that I never got a chance to see--"Facing the Giants" and "Fireproof"--that I happened to catch on DVR yesterday.  I still have "Courageous" to go.  I'm currently working on one fun Pinterest craft and might start another soon.  Tomorrow I'm planning on going to the gym and meeting my old weekly lunch buddies for lunch.  As I have all along, I'm keeping busy.  It's all I can do at this point.

In the meantime, here are a few pictures I hadn't bothered to upload until today.  I took them at Jacob's lacrosse game last week.  This week's game was his last for a few weeks, before the spring outdoor season starts.  Yes, it's still freezing out there and the fields still have snow covering lots of mud, so who knows if the season is actually going to start on time.  I'm sort of relieved the winter season is done, even though Jacob made a lot of progress.  I enjoy watching him, for sure, but I will enjoy having our Saturdays back for a while and not having to convince him to go to practice every Tuesday.  I missed his only goal this season a couple months ago--one of the few games I missed--but this season he definitely got some good shots off, got quite a few loose balls, and has positioned himself to be a good player once the really good players (who are sort of ball hogs that only pass to one another) move up.  Anyway...

 

Carter is a handful at games, usually trying to run away.  Food (note the snack cup in the lower left) usually helps.

That's Jacob right in the middle in the white jersey.  He's still not a big kid out there, but he's no longer one of the littlest.

I'm very proud of him and I'm interested to see how the spring season goes.  I also can't wait for baseball.  I love watching him succeed, because amidst the constant nagging and disciplining at home, I need those opportunities to praise him for the stuff he does well. 

So....stay tuned...hopefully good things are ahead...

News & Notes, Almost Spring Edition

The weather around here has been amazing over the past few days.  Considering we've still been hanging out in the 40s, it's a clear indicator of just how miserable our winter was.  February was the coldest month EVER in Rochester and we survived, so I guess it's no wonder our expectations are low.  Even still, feeling mid-40s after weeks of weather in the teens (and even below zero) has been wonderful.  The snow has melted rapidly and we're even seeing spots of grass...even though most parts of the yard still have a solid foot of snow left to melt, if not more near the driveway where we shoveled.  The driveway is very close to being back to its full width for the first time since early January.  It's been amazing to watch the transformation.  Of course, it didn't come without a minor issue with the house.  Fortunately, it was confined to our porch, where ice damming caused water to back up into the area over our porch.  It caused the porch ceiling (aluminum paneling, maybe?) to sag, and as we pushed on the paneling, water gushed out the end.  We had a couple days of that, but it appears to have cleared up now.  It's hard to know if there's actual damage up there, but at least it's not in the house.

The boys have enjoyed the improved weather and the later sunset post-time change.  Tonight Jacob was playing lacrosse and Carter was riding his "bikes" and walking with his lawnmower.  Carter pitches a serious fit every time we need to come in.  It's still hard since Jacob won't play with him and Craig and Jacob usually play something that's hard for Carter to join in on.  Hopefully as baseball season approaches they can work on Carter batting off a tee and Jacob can work on his catching and fielding. 

Yesterday I had my third round of interviews for the job I really want.  I will hopefully hear next week.  I don't know what I will do if I don't get it, but at this point I feel like I've done everything I can to get it.  My skills are a great fit for what they want, and I felt like I connected well with everyone I met with.  Still, you never know who you're going up against and there's only so much that's within my control.  I could do everything right and still not get it for some reason that is completely separate from anything I did...like them giving preference to an internal candidate or someone with a better connection than I had.  Still, I aced my Excel test and have experience with so much of what they're looking for.  So, I'm definitely hopeful but still nervous.  Craig might be more nervous than me, though, so for his sake I really hope I get it.  Otherwise I'll be on unemployment and be back to the drawing board for the foreseeable future.

Yesterday morning I had breakfast with my two former department mates.  It was the first time we got to hang out since I was let go.  They're seriously busy without me, of course.  Hearing even a few horror stories was enough to remind me that moving on to new work problems (everyone has them!) might not be such a bad thing.  Still, I feel bad for them, particularly in light of the fact that I've had two months to relax and recharge.  They didn't have much more insight on why the hammer fell my way, other than the same conclusion I came to--that the upper management had no idea that they didn't know how to do the things I did, and never bothered to ask.  I was literally just a salary to them.  Many other experienced "salaries" have also been cut, so I know I'm not alone.  But it's sad.

Carter may be the cutest kid ever, but he definitely knows how to push buttons these days.  He has a tendency to hit people, hit things with toys, throw things, and cause general chaos.  He's making Jacob nuts, and we're following right along.  He's constantly scattering toys all over the house, throwing things he shouldn't, and hitting or making a giant mess when he gets mad.  He thinks it's all funny, unfortunately.  We're working on it and hoping he outgrows it, but it worries me.  I don't want to get into a lengthy battle of wills with him.  We know how that went with Jacob.  Heck, it's still going on.  Lately we're battling his smart mouth--lots of talking back, smart comments, and bossy demands.  A couple years ago I remember hearing a quote from Kate Gosselin (of Jon and Kate Plus Eight fame) that stated she only let her kids have iPhones so she had something to take away.  I am totally on board with that.  That's about the only way we can motivate him to listen.  Not ideal, but we muddle through.  Always a work in progress.

Craig is on a roadtrip this weekend so it's just me and the boys for a couple days.  Jacob's last lacrosse game in the winter season is tomorrow and beyond that we're pretty low on plans.  I'm trying to think of something fun for the evening just to get Jacob out from the electronics and ensure Carter doesn't drive either of us nuts.  Still, it's always challenging to go out with both of them alone, because in the event they both don't listen at the same time, I can't always tackle two kids at once.  I really haven't felt like that for very long, only recently since Carter started getting very opinionated and got the guts to wander off without me.  So, we'll see. 

I'm definitely in a weird spot these days, simultaneously hoping that I get a job but sad that my days at home might be numbered.  I'm trying to savor every last minute and get as much done as I can.  I'm still working through a stack of old magazines and one more book by the one author I read.  Today I dug into Carter's baby book, which is seriously behind.  I have a lot of stuff ready to add, and this blog to try to fill in the blanks, but there is a lot of tough stuff.  Today I spent most of Carter's nap Googling his birth date to find headlines, prices, and pop culture stuff from when he was born.  I also filled in what I had from his heights and weights, and I'm working on his teeth and milestones, but perhaps I didn't track them as well as I thought.  This blog makes up for it, right?  Anyway, I'm trying to savor my time with Carter, too, but after forgetting two things on our schedule in the last week, I'm realizing that maybe I need to get back into a routine! 

So...this should be a big week for us.  It's important, too, to start making plans as Easter approaches.  I don't have answers for daycare about spring break or answers for my family about Good Friday (and therefore, Easter weekend as a whole), so once this job situation is clarified a bit, that will help.  On Wednesday I'm also getting to the doctor for a well visit for the first time in ages, so that's another fresh start on its own.  Here goes nothing...

Is it a job?

It's pretty rare that anything I post on Facebook (or here, for that matter) turns out to be controversial or inflammatory.  Last night I shared a link to an article on Facebook, and it got a pretty immediate response.  You can read the article here:

UNPOPULAR OPINION: Being a Stay-at-Home Mother Is Not a Job

I feel like I have a bit of a unique perspective on this considering I've had a full time job for nearly 15 years, have been a working mom for nearly seven, and have just recently been unexpectedly thrust into the stay-at-home mom life.  I know what it's like on each side (to some degree) and I definitely have opinions on both.  I definitely don't agree with everything the author said, nor do I love her tone in parts.  I also don't think that the generalization applies to anyone with a lot of kids or special needs children.  Under those circumstances it is definitely more of a job.  I also don't think it applies to anyone who works out of the home part time, as I don't think it's fair to hold someone like that up to the same SAHM mom standard since they're 20 hours short on time each week.  All I can speak to is my perspective of being home with one kid, which is the same as the author.  I'm lucky enough to get two days to myself right now, though that was as much for his benefit as mine--Carter loves it at daycare and I did not want to deal with the red tape of pulling him out completely or the trauma of trying to get him back in the groove when it was time to go back.  So maybe I'm not entitled to speak to this entirely...but it's not that much different than a SAHM putting her kid in preschool.

ANYWAY...I just felt like her perspective resonated with me where I am right now because I don't feel like being home with Carter is a "job".  Is it easy?  Not always.  But is it the same stress level as a real job?  Not for me, anyway.  However, the first comment on the post actually pointed out that what I'm doing now seems easy because I'm actually doing one job (motherhood) instead of two (motherhood AND a job).  She's right, I suppose.  What I'm doing now does seem downright luxurious compared to having to do both.  I can do laundry and dishes at my leisure.  I don't have to cram errands into evenings or weekends.  Naptime gives me "me time" where I can read or catch up on the DVR.  I get to hang out and play with my very energetic but very cute toddler.  Still, even on the worst of days I have a very hard time referring to all of that as a "job".  Perhaps it's just the negative connotation of that word in my mind after 15 years of wishing for the weekend no matter how much I enjoyed what I did.  I just can't put parenthood (something I chose to do) in the same category as something I generally need to do to keep us financially viable.  It's splitting hairs, I guess, but being a parent is so much more noble a position than anything I could be hired to do. 

At the same time, I don't think SAHMs should be given any less respect by those who do work.  It's a different choice/position in life, and it comes with a lot of stress, responsibility, and time consumption.  There are perks and downsides to both, and it's just a matter of picking which set of stuff suits you better.  From my perspective I know that financially I need to work.  Mentally I probably need to work, too (though perhaps less than I thought!).  But from where I'm sitting right now I know for a fact that I'm a less harried person when I'm home.  I get to take care of household tasks and errands during the day, instead of at night when I'm already spent or on weekends when I'm trying to cram everything in that didn't get done during the week.  Instead of working 40 hours per week and splitting the rest of the time between stuff around the house AND time with the kids, I can focus all of my time on the latter two.  Don't try to tell me that's not easier on some level.  Is it easy?  Not really.  I hold myself to a higher "home" standard right now so it's easier to fill that time with stuff I'd have never even gotten to before.  But it still beats having to spend 40 hours a week away from the house and still having to do so much of the other stuff.

Motherhood is hard, however you do it.  I still maintain it's at least a little bit harder when you work a full time job out of the house, simply because your physical absence means you're always playing catch-up--on housework, on kid time, on everything.  But there is a certain level of patience and skill involved in being home 24/7, particularly with multiple kids.  There's no vacation time, often little budget wiggle room, and a constant barrage of kid-related craziness.  Some people are built for that, and that is awesome.  I guess it's up to each individual mom to decide whether she considers what she does at home a "job".  For some it absolutely may be.  For me, it's not.  It's a responsibility I signed up for, I don't get paid, and it's still a heck of a lot more pleasant than the life of a full-time working mom.  I know I need to get back into that lifestyle soon, and I'm excited for a new challenge.  I need to do it, and I will devote myself to it, no doubt.  But a tiny bit of me will be sad when I have to say goodbye to this existence I've been living for the last eight weeks.  The lazy mornings and cuddles after nap are pretty tough to beat, after all.  If that is a job, then it is the best job I could ever ask for.

Balloons!

This week in Rochester everyone has been abuzz about this year's edition of Balloon Manor, a crazy balloon art exhibition that has been setting up shop in a building downtown the past couple years.  Last year we went to see the Jack and the Beanstalk themed display, and this year it is an ocean theme!  I really wanted to get downtown to see it, and our schedule last weekend just didn't allow it.  It's only around for a little over a week, so I knew we really needed to get there ASAP.

Yesterday I had another interview for the job I really want, and I also went for an Excel skills test that I aced.  After that, Craig took a half day from work to recharge a bit, so we met up for lunch and came home for a bit before picking up the boys for a surprise trip to Balloon Manor!  During our time at home, Craig watched a movie and I finally finished a project I started at least a year ago and dug back into in recent weeks.  I have wanted to put curtains on Carter's window so the upcoming early mornings and late sunsets don't screw up his sleep schedule.  However, I decided my best bet was to take the curtains out of Jacob's room (since I bought them to coordinate with the décor that's current in Carter's room) and replace Jacob's curtains with new ones.  However, each room also needed new curtain rods.  I bought the curtains and rods for Jacob's room ages ago, but getting up the guts to take down the old fixtures (wide, non-decorative ones that didn't fit the new curtains) was daunting and I hate the fear of measuring and drilling for new ones. 

A few weeks ago I took down the old ones (moderately successful), and a week or two ago I put up one of Jacob's new ones.  I had a couple issues, but it went up fine in the end.  Yesterday I did the second one (better), ironed all four of the new red panels, put up Carter's rod (one that was in the living room of our old house), and hung the blue curtains in his room.  It was a lot of arm work, but it got done.  It was one of the big things on my "before I go back to work" list, so I was very happy to get it done!

We grabbed the boys from their respective spots, and headed into the city.  The display is in a classic old downtown department store that currently holds a campus of the local community college and is slowly but surely being redone to become apartments and retail space.  If it ever happens it will be great.  The current owner has kept some nice touches and having Balloon Manor there for two years has probably raised a lot of awareness of the building and its history.  I wish I could have seen it in its prime! 

The display was amazing!  Of course, Carter was scared...but the rest of us enjoyed it.  So amazing that it is all balloons!

The ocean floor was full of different plants, and there were fish and crabs everywhere!  There was a mermaid in the middle, too, along with some relics from a sunken city, I guess...

I loved the giant oyster with the huge "pearl" balloon in the middle!

There is a five-story atrium, and the display goes all the way up!  Here's a huge octopus with an eye patch!  He's climbing up the chain of an anchor...

I love this treasure chest with a lock and crabs guarding it!

Looking down at the ocean floor from a floor or two up...

Here is the ship whose anchor the octopus was climbing!  It was huge and suspended near the 3rd and 4th floors.

Looking down on everything from the top floor!

Here are the pirates in their lifeboat.  I just love the look on the one guy's face!  Hard to believe that kind of emotion can be captured with balloons!

Here are the boys back on the ground floor!

It was a fun little trip and it was nice that Craig could join us this year since he didn't get to go last year.  It's so amazing to see what creative people can do with a bunch of balloons!

Craig is off this weekend (first time in a couple months!) so hopefully we'll find a couple fun things to do.  Or we'll just hang out and let the kids tear the house apart as usual!

Seven Weeks

Today marks seven weeks that I have been off work.  Why is this significant?  Well, aside from the fact that my severance is dwindling and I really need to get a new job (next interview this Thursday and a follow-up next Thursday!), seven weeks is important because it marks the same period of time as both of my maternity leaves.  That means that as of tomorrow I will officially be away from work longer than I've ever been since I started my grown-up career life.  That's pretty significant.  And as much as I've enjoyed it, hopefully it will never happen again...unless it's on my own terms. 

I feel like I've definitely settled into this existence much easier than I thought I would.  I don't miss work as much as I thought I would, but in another couple weeks I'll definitely be missing the paycheck, and that's really the main reason I need to go back.  As I've said previously, this experience has taught me that checking things off a to do list for my family is much more fulfilling than doing it for "the man".  Maybe my next job will change my perspective on that a bit, but the reality of the way my last job ended might stick with me for a while, a stark reminder of how quickly dedication can feel pointless.  Still, my ongoing dream of working part time has been validated.  I would love to have the best of both worlds.  I love the thought of having spare time and brain power to dedicate to my family while still having something that's my own.  I realized the other day that when I "grow up" (haha) I really just want to be my mom :)  She worked part time for years and gave us a great mix of support and independence.  She was there to do fun stuff when we weren't in school and be involved when we were, but we also had a bit of the latch-key experience (which I think is important for learning to self-motivate on homework, for example).  If I could give my kids anything like that, I would be thrilled.  But for now full-time work is a must, so I'm going to have to make the best of it...assuming I can actually get a job.  I'm getting close on the one I really want, but there's still a few more steps to go, so no chicken-counting here.

In the meantime I still have at least another week or two of time at home.  I'm really trying to appreciate all of it, from the extra time with Carter to the extra hour of sleep, from the slower pace in the morning to the extra opportunity to do household chores.  I've enjoyed my bonus doses of 80s game shows, "What Not to Wear", and "Friends".  I just like having the bandwidth to think about things and the time to do the things I need to do.  It's nice to not panic about doctor's appointments or school events.  If I need to go to the store, I can.  It may take a day here or there, but fitting it in somehow isn't an issue right now. 

Lately I've actually been doing a lot of clothes shopping.  That probably seems ill-advised considering our income is a couple weeks from being cut pretty dramatically, but there are a couple reasons why I'm doing it.  First, my wardrobe has evolved the past few years.  My old job shifted to casual attire (i.e., jeans were OK every day), then I was pregnant for a while, and eventually my body changed.  Certain elements of my wardrobe no longer fit well or no longer felt like "me".  Some things have gotten a bit worn, too, and while those issues didn't feel like a big deal in my old job, it's a totally different ballgame when you're making first impressions again.  So, in anticipation of getting a job with more formal attire where I need to make a good first impression, I've been taking advantage of my abundance of time to rebuild my wardrobe.  I'd rather do it now while I have the time than try to cram it in once I'm working again.  There won't be many spare evenings or weekend days where Craig can keep the kids, and even when those happen, I would be rushing around and merely hoping to catch a good sale.  Right now I'm strategically trying to take advantage of coupons, sales, and clearance racks, but it still adds up.  Still, I think there's something to be said for heading into a new job with a wardrobe that inspires self-confidence.  Like I said, I've been watching a lot of "What Not to Wear" and it's very clear to me that the right look can change your entire perspective on yourself.  If nothing else, having a look you're comfortable with gives you one less thing to be distracted by, so you can focus on the important stuff instead.  I'm just trying to get enough new pieces to work with the rest, and hopefully it'll be enough. 

There's a lot about this time I will miss when it is finally over.  For now I'm doing my best to enjoy them.  I'm enjoying my lack of a commute and my added time to work out.  I'm trying to hit up things still on my to do list.  I'm hoping to exit this phase of my life with as few regrets as possible.  It's potentially a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and I want to make the most of it...even if I'm still trying to figure out on a daily basis how to do that.  Seven weeks in there is still never a dull moment, and it makes me wonder how I functioned while working full time.  If I've had enough stuff to fill those eight hours a day (and then some) for this long, how many things were just sitting undone for infinite amounts of time?  It's a little scary thinking about going back to that life, but it's imperative that I do.  All I can do is use all of this as an opportunity for a fresh start all around.  If there's a better way to do things, I'm determined to use this experience to help me find it.  I will make the best of this time.  It would be a shame to let the dark side win, you know?  If my former employer didn't think I was worth keeping around (I was, by the way), then I'm going to make darn sure that the version of me that comes out of this experience is never going to be considered expendable again. 

Onward to discover what happens after seven weeks...

How Things Change...and How They Stay the Same...

This morning I was changing the sheets on Carter's bed, and for whatever reason it made me think back to when there was a tiny baby in that crib.  Two years ago right now I had a two-week-old baby and was probably exhausted but in love with that tiny little guy.  I dug back into my archives (both the blog and my photos), and realized that today was the anniversary of the day I took a size comparison photo of the boys (more on that in a bit).  My parents were in town so we were trying to get pictures of them together.  We got this painful little number that took way more forcing that I care to admit...

I also captured this sweet little picture of my tiny baby boy...

I thought he was so cute at the time, but that's nothing compared to the cuteness that would emerge later!  Looking back, he was still definitely in the frog-alien baby phase.  A cute frog-alien baby, of course...

Back then I wondered how much longer we'd have to deal with Jacob's dislike of his brother and the cranky attitude we were dealing with all the time.  Turns out, we've been dealing with it for two years.  Yuck.  I said to Jacob the other day, "Do you realize you've been angry about this for two whole years?"  I can't imagine living with a grudge like that for so long.  No wonder he's miserable a lot of the time.  I wish I could get him to let it go.  He'd be a much happier kid if he just embraced the brotherhood and stopped wishing his brother would disappear (and yes, he does still talk about that).  They have tiny little moments where it seems like something's clicking.  But then Carter touches Jacob's stuff or tackles him, and the moment is over.  We're hoping Jacob's therapist can help, and we do our best to referee fairly...but we still have such a challenge on our hands.  I so hoped it would be over by now--we've always had hope the next milestone would do the trick--but we'll just continue to pray and do what we can.

When I realized today was the anniversary of the size comparison, I couldn't help but grab the same blanket and take a picture of Carter two years later!

I still can't get over how much darker Carter's coloring was back then!  His skin compared to Jacob's is amazing.

Big boy!

Quite the difference two years makes!  Carter was less than half the length of the blanket and now he's almost the full length, and not that much shorter than Jacob was!  I know two years is a lot in baby time, but still...I remember so well taking that picture of the kids, and I can't believe two whole years have passed.

I thought back to those early days.  The many nights I spent playing Candy Crush during feedings and the early days of my Pinterest account.  The skinny, scrawny baby with a non-existent butt and the skinniest limbs I'd ever seen.  The teeny little newborn clothes.  The dark hair on every body part.  Being so tired but so happy to have a "normal" homecoming and first few weeks.  The stress of the beginnings of the reflux and milk intolerance.  So much to take in, but what a ride it was. 

Yesterday at church there were a couple small babies in the room where we sit.  I looked at them longingly, remembering those precious early days.  There is something so special about having a little baby, despite all of the stress.  That phase goes so fast and is such a sleep-deprived blur.  Maybe that's why it's such a special time...because none of us can remember much of it!  Still, as I looked at the sweet little babies and then back at my toddler with his evolving personality--the good and the bad--and I decided that no matter how amazing those early days are, none of it compares to seeing your kid turn into a real person.  I look at Carter's bright eyes and big smile, listen to the many words and even short sentences coming from his lips, and see the pride on his face when he builds something or makes his airplane fly, and I love every bit of it!  The tantrums and the defiance I could do without, but it's all part of a very special package.  Watching that develop is so incredible.

So would I go back?  For fleeting moments, maybe.  Would I do it again?  Possibly, if it made any logical sense at all for us.  But I am completely happy to be in this moment and enjoying my bonus time with this guy...

Love him. <3 em="">