Quiet moments during pregnancy can lead to a lot of deep philosophical thought. I mean, when there's another human being growing in your body, it's pretty miraculous, and if that can't make you ponder life and the universe, perhaps nothing can.
The other day it occurred to me that nothing about this pregnancy has really gone the way I originally envisioned it. When we first had Jacob, the plan was to have kids three years apart. I decided that the four years between my brother and me was too many, but two years was not only too close for my sanity, but could be a little too close for giving my kids the social space they'd need. Too far apart and there's not enough common ground, too close and they can get into each other's business uninvited. However, when the time came to start working on the three-year span, there was no way. Jacob was way too much of a handful, and the thought of paying for that much daycare for that long was intimidating. We figured we'd wait a year, see how things were, and hopefully the financial situation, Jacob's behavior, or both would have improved by then. So, on to four years we went.
Two summers ago, I went off birth control in preparation for working on baby #2. I was hoping to get pregnant within a couple months (which, despite our difficulties, did end up happening last time) to aim for a late spring due date. My cycle never seemed to get on schedule, just like last time, and I attributed it to "laziness" of my system after being on birth control for so many years. Turns out it's a touch of polycystic ovary syndrome, but that's just another little unexpected detail. We unsuccessfully tried to figure things out for months, then took a little baby-making break to work around the trip to Florida, which, ironically, didn't end up happening.
I went to the fertility doc after nearly a year of trying to take care of things on our own. I wasn't really sure if the treatment would work right away, though there were moments where I was torn. If it worked right away, I'd get pregnant earlier than I wanted and set myself up for a winter baby. If it didn't work, we'd be closer to getting on our ideal schedule, but there'd be the fear that something bigger was wrong and leave us wondering if we'd have to resort to more drastic measures. Putting it off entirely to aim for better timing would mean having to go through the whole process again another month--figuring out my cycle (a challenge itself--we just happened to get lucky that time), getting another ultrasound, etc.--so we'd risk things taking extra long. So, we went with it. Craig was actually on the road for work on our "target" day, but things worked anyway.
I got pregnant on that first try, which was great, though my pregnancy test wasn't an obvious positive right away, which was different than last time. Once we had confirmed things, I expected to feel like crap for a month or so, like last time. Nope. Two months. Solid. It made summer a bit more of a challenge than usual. As a result of feeling worse longer, I was hoping this one was a girl. Nope. Not meant to be. I'm settling into that fact, by the way. I've also had random mini-issues during this pregnancy that thankfully weren't serious, but that was something I didn't have any of last time.
So, here we are...having kids nearly five years apart, heading for a wintertime due date, and expecting another boy. This is definitely not what I expected, but at the same time, I know it's all part of God's plan. Despite my best efforts to do everything differently, this is where things stand. That makes it extra obvious that I'm not in control and God has a greater purpose here. I don't know what that purpose is or why He's taken us down the path He has, but we're here and have no choice but to have faith that there's a good reason for it. God's master plan is far bigger than any of us. In some ways that's awesome and exciting, and in some ways it's scary because God's plan often has some twists and turns we don't expect. So to think we're part of a bigger plan is both awe-inspiring and anxiety-inducing...but in the end it's a plan and we're along for the ride. Thank God He's the one driving... :)
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Friday, November 9, 2012
A Little Taste of Christmas
The other day, as Jacob and I were getting in the car after grocery shopping, Jacob asked me if he was good last year. It was a pretty vague question and I really had no idea where he was going with it. I answered somewhere in the "Not really" range, basically alluding to Jacob's obvious issues with listening. He's well aware that we're not thrilled with his behavior a lot of the time, and whatever I said wasn't anything he didn't already know. Basically, he can be a good kid but a lot of the time he just doesn't listen. Anyway...
Upon hearing my answer, he responded with, "So why did Santa bring me toys?" Oh crap. So busted. Apparently it sorta sucks when your kid gets old enough to start making connections and relying on actual logic to think through things. I know there are benefits as well, but the little white lies we tell as parents to simplify life (for both parties) apparently have an expiration date. Ugh.
I did some quick thinking and responded that Mommy and Daddy had to call up Santa and beg him to bring him toys so he wouldn't be sad on Christmas. I explained that we told Santa that he was sorry and he was trying (ha!), so please bring him toys. We also discussed the fact that we give him gifts in addition to Santa, which becomes difficult when I can't remember what I assigned to "Santa" and what we said was from us. I could always tell from the paper I wrapped gifts in (so in pictures I'd have a clue) because I always pick Santa paper for the Santa gifts. So when Jacob asks who bought him his Batcave (pretty sure it was Santa), I have to hope I remember correctly (or fake it really well).
In the end I told Jacob that we really didn't want to have to call Santa again this year, so he really needed to be good and start listening to ensure Santa brings him gifts come Christmas. Bringing up Santa sometimes tends to work in the moment, particularly when we move toward a phone, but I'm not convinced it's going to solve the greater issues we're dealing with. And, of course, what happens this year when Santa does, indeed, bring him gifts even if his behavior doesn't improve? I suppose we have a few options:
1) Say we called Santa again - We could just call Santa again, but I don't really like the precedent of bailing him out. That doesn't bode well for the future.
2) Make all of his gifts from us - We could do this, and given our difficulty surrounding not being home Christmas morning and all that, it would make things simpler...however, I think he's still a little young to go shattering his Christmas dreams like that. It might make quite the statement, though.
3) Give him a "warning shot" of coal - Perhaps if we give him coal in his stocking--we can buy the coal candy and not tell him it's candy since he can't read yet--perhaps that would send the message that if he keeps it up, he's going to get a lot more of the black stuff next time around.
4) Tell him Santa must have seen that he was trying - The cop-out, which is probably a sub-point of #1, is to tell him that Santa must have given him a break since he could see that he was trying to be better. I would probably only use this if we did see moments of vast improvement.
We're in a bit of a bad spell at the moment where most requests are receive a "No" or are ignored completely, or at worst, responded to with a swing, kick or falling-down tantrum. For example, in the morning if he gets ready quickly enough, we use the opportunity to play with his Legos as bait for a smooth morning routine. Of course, when the time comes to leave the house, he just has to do "one more thing" or make everything perfect before he leaves, which time usually doesn't allow for. Same thing goes for bedtime, and usually there's a major meltdown when we try to drag him away. And for the record, we do give him fair warning like you're supposed to do with kids, but no matter what, we get resistance. So, perhaps those opportunities are going to go away completely and he'll learn the extra hard way.
He's also been having quite a crappy run at daycare, which is unfortunate because generally he'd been pretty good there in the past year (since his behavior caused him to miss last year's trip to the pumpkin patch, in fact). There's some talking back, some potty talk or general mean talk (which is a big problem at home, too), and some disrespect toward toys. I know that a lot of this stuff is a product of hanging out with a lot of boys at daycare (there are maybe two or three girls in the room most of the time, as opposed to a LOT of boys), and once in a while we get a, "Well, ______ was saying/doing that," at which point we give the whole "If your friend jumped off a bridge..." talk in terms more appropriate for a four year old. I know he didn't get a lot of this behavior from being in our house, so that part is hard and is definitely the top downfall of daycare.
He insists he wants to be good and do better, but even when we point out times that he's not obeying us, he still can't seem to control himself. He even told us the other day that he doesn't know how to listen. Part of me felt bad for him (because as a parent you fear that perhaps you really did never teach them how), and the other part of me wanted to strangle him (because how hard can it be to just do something?). So, I've been trying to give him specific examples in moments of difficulty that "listening" would entail doing whatever it is I'm telling him to do at that moment.
The tough part of all of this is that aside from these (many) moments where he's giving us a smart mouth or a tantrum, he can be SO awesome. When he's being good, he can be really fun to hang out with. He's got such an imagination and he can say and do the funniest things. His bedtime singing of late (which we hear over the monitor) has been hilarious. It's obvious that he's very smart and has a very good command of language. He can be a very engaging child, and he's a very good independent player. When he puts it all together and cooperates, it's so amazing to hang out with him. But those moments are too few and far between. Most of the time he's fixated on what he wants and won't settle for less. We do our best to not let him win, but I'm at a serious disadvantage since I can't carry him, can't battle him, and have to protect my belly. Yelling doesn't work, threats of discipline make the behavior worse at times, and everything seems to escalate into a bigger battle than it should be, which dilutes the effectiveness of battles in general. But we don't really know what else to do so we feel a little stuck.
Hence why Santa even comes into the picture. This time of year it's about the best threat in our arsenal. Sad, isn't it? Let's just hope we can get it to work well enough to get him in good habits that last...
Upon hearing my answer, he responded with, "So why did Santa bring me toys?" Oh crap. So busted. Apparently it sorta sucks when your kid gets old enough to start making connections and relying on actual logic to think through things. I know there are benefits as well, but the little white lies we tell as parents to simplify life (for both parties) apparently have an expiration date. Ugh.
I did some quick thinking and responded that Mommy and Daddy had to call up Santa and beg him to bring him toys so he wouldn't be sad on Christmas. I explained that we told Santa that he was sorry and he was trying (ha!), so please bring him toys. We also discussed the fact that we give him gifts in addition to Santa, which becomes difficult when I can't remember what I assigned to "Santa" and what we said was from us. I could always tell from the paper I wrapped gifts in (so in pictures I'd have a clue) because I always pick Santa paper for the Santa gifts. So when Jacob asks who bought him his Batcave (pretty sure it was Santa), I have to hope I remember correctly (or fake it really well).
In the end I told Jacob that we really didn't want to have to call Santa again this year, so he really needed to be good and start listening to ensure Santa brings him gifts come Christmas. Bringing up Santa sometimes tends to work in the moment, particularly when we move toward a phone, but I'm not convinced it's going to solve the greater issues we're dealing with. And, of course, what happens this year when Santa does, indeed, bring him gifts even if his behavior doesn't improve? I suppose we have a few options:
1) Say we called Santa again - We could just call Santa again, but I don't really like the precedent of bailing him out. That doesn't bode well for the future.
2) Make all of his gifts from us - We could do this, and given our difficulty surrounding not being home Christmas morning and all that, it would make things simpler...however, I think he's still a little young to go shattering his Christmas dreams like that. It might make quite the statement, though.
3) Give him a "warning shot" of coal - Perhaps if we give him coal in his stocking--we can buy the coal candy and not tell him it's candy since he can't read yet--perhaps that would send the message that if he keeps it up, he's going to get a lot more of the black stuff next time around.
4) Tell him Santa must have seen that he was trying - The cop-out, which is probably a sub-point of #1, is to tell him that Santa must have given him a break since he could see that he was trying to be better. I would probably only use this if we did see moments of vast improvement.
We're in a bit of a bad spell at the moment where most requests are receive a "No" or are ignored completely, or at worst, responded to with a swing, kick or falling-down tantrum. For example, in the morning if he gets ready quickly enough, we use the opportunity to play with his Legos as bait for a smooth morning routine. Of course, when the time comes to leave the house, he just has to do "one more thing" or make everything perfect before he leaves, which time usually doesn't allow for. Same thing goes for bedtime, and usually there's a major meltdown when we try to drag him away. And for the record, we do give him fair warning like you're supposed to do with kids, but no matter what, we get resistance. So, perhaps those opportunities are going to go away completely and he'll learn the extra hard way.
He's also been having quite a crappy run at daycare, which is unfortunate because generally he'd been pretty good there in the past year (since his behavior caused him to miss last year's trip to the pumpkin patch, in fact). There's some talking back, some potty talk or general mean talk (which is a big problem at home, too), and some disrespect toward toys. I know that a lot of this stuff is a product of hanging out with a lot of boys at daycare (there are maybe two or three girls in the room most of the time, as opposed to a LOT of boys), and once in a while we get a, "Well, ______ was saying/doing that," at which point we give the whole "If your friend jumped off a bridge..." talk in terms more appropriate for a four year old. I know he didn't get a lot of this behavior from being in our house, so that part is hard and is definitely the top downfall of daycare.
He insists he wants to be good and do better, but even when we point out times that he's not obeying us, he still can't seem to control himself. He even told us the other day that he doesn't know how to listen. Part of me felt bad for him (because as a parent you fear that perhaps you really did never teach them how), and the other part of me wanted to strangle him (because how hard can it be to just do something?). So, I've been trying to give him specific examples in moments of difficulty that "listening" would entail doing whatever it is I'm telling him to do at that moment.
The tough part of all of this is that aside from these (many) moments where he's giving us a smart mouth or a tantrum, he can be SO awesome. When he's being good, he can be really fun to hang out with. He's got such an imagination and he can say and do the funniest things. His bedtime singing of late (which we hear over the monitor) has been hilarious. It's obvious that he's very smart and has a very good command of language. He can be a very engaging child, and he's a very good independent player. When he puts it all together and cooperates, it's so amazing to hang out with him. But those moments are too few and far between. Most of the time he's fixated on what he wants and won't settle for less. We do our best to not let him win, but I'm at a serious disadvantage since I can't carry him, can't battle him, and have to protect my belly. Yelling doesn't work, threats of discipline make the behavior worse at times, and everything seems to escalate into a bigger battle than it should be, which dilutes the effectiveness of battles in general. But we don't really know what else to do so we feel a little stuck.
Hence why Santa even comes into the picture. This time of year it's about the best threat in our arsenal. Sad, isn't it? Let's just hope we can get it to work well enough to get him in good habits that last...
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Another Reality Check...
My computer at work uses a slideshow screensaver that shuffles through the pictures in my photo folder. It even shows videos sometimes. Today when I walked into my cubicle, this video was playing:
I knew right away that the video was taken in the spring of 2010, right after we moved into our house. I remember the day well. He cracked up so much when the limbs popped off his Ironman that I had to capture it on tape. It still cracks me up. I couldn't even hear the audio today, but the smile on his face was awesome.
But seeing a two-year-old Jacob, and realizing how much older he is now, how little he was then, and how long ago that really was, really blew my mind. I forget sometimes that Jacob is getting so close to five years old. In fact, it'll be five years this weekend that I found out I was pregnant. Apparently the past 2-1/2 years have flown, because it doesn't seem like that long ago that Jacob was that silly little boy. Yet here he is now, all grown up.
I'm sad that I don't have many videos from more recent times (mostly because I either don't think about it or because the second the camera comes out he's uncooperative), because I know this era is going to go by just as quickly and it will be just as precious down the road as these old videos are now. It's hard to remember all of the little details and quirks from when he was younger--sleep deprivation may have something to do with that--but these videos bring back little bits of it. They're so awesome to have.
Of course, now we're on our way to having #2, and we'll have another baby to take pictures and videos of. Second children have a reputation for being forgotten in comparison to their first-born siblings, but I hope that doesn't happen in our case. I hope I have learned from experience and remember to pull out the video more often. In fact, I want to get a better digital video recorder since their file sizes are generally a little better than my regular camera, and I'd be more willing to just video random longer clips with something like that. I'm looking forward to some great interaction between the boys, if nothing else!
Of course, seeing that video made me happy we're doing this all over again so we have another giggly baby to look forward to! Time goes too quickly...and I need to capture it!
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Comparisons...
Having had this blog since early in my last pregnancy is definitely paying dividends these days because it's interesting to look back and see how things were going around this time last time. It's a little hard to tell because I don't always know precisely where I was in the pregnancy, but I can approximate here and there based on when I did mention how many weeks I was. I was just looking back, and around this time I posted a bit about my belly. I posted a pic (I will get another one up here soon, I promise) and discussed a bit about my belly's shape and how I was feeling.
So...where do things stand now? Well, I'm nearly 23 weeks, which doesn't even seem possible. The belly is pretty prominent these days and as a whole I'm pleased with it. My belly button is still a sinkhole in the middle of it, but I suppose it beats an outie. I never got one last time and hope that holds true again. There's also a little blob of fat at the bottom of it, which I suppose is where my mom-pouch used to be. It makes it look not quite as round as I'd like it to when I'm wearing something fitted, but it's not bad. I'm pretty sure, though, that I'm carrying lower than last time. Last time my belly sat very high, and while it's not hanging low this time, I feel like it's lower because it seems like there's more space between my chest and belly. Last time I remember the waistbands of my shirts being a little smooshed in that area, but it doesn't seem to be an issue this time. I could be wrong and things could still change, but it's interesting. Another reason I think that is because my pants are bugging me more. The waistbands feel like they're tighter or at least squeezing me in an odd spot. I remember some of that last time, but I feel like it wasn't until later. I'm up about 11 or 12 pounds (I started at around the same weight last time), which is slightly more than last time. But I don't really think I look any worse, so maybe it's in my chest or something. Last time I mentioned feeling like the area above my belly button was chubby, which I don't feel is the case at all this time. However, I think I'm still trending a couple weeks ahead this time, and that may have been an issue this time before the belly rounded out. Hard to tell. But really, for the most part I like how the belly looks. Perhaps this time I'll have to take some bare belly pics for posterity.
As far as baby movement, that's finally starting to pick up. It's still not consistent, but on a day like today when I was wearing jeans that were squeezing me when I sat at my desk, I felt a lot of movement. I could see and feel some of it. The other day I physically had to shove the baby over a bit (first time of many in his life, I'm sure) because he was parked on my right side (Jacob loved that spot, too), and it was really uncomfortable. I just had to push a little bit and he shifted. Today he did much the same and I tried to give him a little rub and nail scratch. He didn't seem to respond directly, but who knows what he's thinking or feeling in there. Does touch feel good, or is he like, "Stop pressing on me!"? The kicks are becoming a lot more obvious on the outside, though, which is entertaining. Still eagerly awaiting his first set of hiccups, though! Inevitably they'll be when Jacob used to get his most of the time--right when I'm trying to fall asleep!
As a whole I'm feeling good these days. My energy is acceptable. I have uncomfortable moments, but right now it's manageable. My round ligament pain hasn't been too bad lately (just a couple pains when I was walking while Jacob was trick-or-treating and after my workout last week), and (knock on wood) I still haven't had any leg cramps. Thank goodness for that. How I feel now is a far cry from how I felt during those miserable two months of the summer. That period alone is what makes me wonder if I could really ever do this again, assuming the other issues with having a third child worked themselves out. But now is perfectly acceptable and even fun a lot of the time.
My one concern at this point is how long I'll be able to continue working out. I kept going to a class right up through about 7-1/2 months last time, and now at 5ish months (I think), I have moments where I'm not sure I'll make it that long. I'm already having to do a lot of modifications in the class I take right now. This week I felt fine afterward, but last week was tough. Last time around I think I worked out twice a week or so, and this time I just haven't been able to pull it off. My evenings are too precious. Time with Jacob and time to relax are rare enough. That could certainly impact how much weight I gain and my general fitness level, but we'll see. At this point I'm just hoping to make it until Christmas. Inevitably that time of year is hard to squeeze workouts into, so my fear is that I'll take time off and lose the level I was at, but by then I'll be at a point in the pregnancy where I can't get back without risking an injury or complications. So, if I can make it to Christmas still going to class, I'll be doing well. That's still considerably earlier than last time, but the class is different and the timing is what it is. Whatever I can do to stay active...
Anyway, things are good. I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving and even more to Christmas (already, which is weird). Must be the eternal optimism that comes from being pregnant and looking ahead to the future...
So...where do things stand now? Well, I'm nearly 23 weeks, which doesn't even seem possible. The belly is pretty prominent these days and as a whole I'm pleased with it. My belly button is still a sinkhole in the middle of it, but I suppose it beats an outie. I never got one last time and hope that holds true again. There's also a little blob of fat at the bottom of it, which I suppose is where my mom-pouch used to be. It makes it look not quite as round as I'd like it to when I'm wearing something fitted, but it's not bad. I'm pretty sure, though, that I'm carrying lower than last time. Last time my belly sat very high, and while it's not hanging low this time, I feel like it's lower because it seems like there's more space between my chest and belly. Last time I remember the waistbands of my shirts being a little smooshed in that area, but it doesn't seem to be an issue this time. I could be wrong and things could still change, but it's interesting. Another reason I think that is because my pants are bugging me more. The waistbands feel like they're tighter or at least squeezing me in an odd spot. I remember some of that last time, but I feel like it wasn't until later. I'm up about 11 or 12 pounds (I started at around the same weight last time), which is slightly more than last time. But I don't really think I look any worse, so maybe it's in my chest or something. Last time I mentioned feeling like the area above my belly button was chubby, which I don't feel is the case at all this time. However, I think I'm still trending a couple weeks ahead this time, and that may have been an issue this time before the belly rounded out. Hard to tell. But really, for the most part I like how the belly looks. Perhaps this time I'll have to take some bare belly pics for posterity.
As far as baby movement, that's finally starting to pick up. It's still not consistent, but on a day like today when I was wearing jeans that were squeezing me when I sat at my desk, I felt a lot of movement. I could see and feel some of it. The other day I physically had to shove the baby over a bit (first time of many in his life, I'm sure) because he was parked on my right side (Jacob loved that spot, too), and it was really uncomfortable. I just had to push a little bit and he shifted. Today he did much the same and I tried to give him a little rub and nail scratch. He didn't seem to respond directly, but who knows what he's thinking or feeling in there. Does touch feel good, or is he like, "Stop pressing on me!"? The kicks are becoming a lot more obvious on the outside, though, which is entertaining. Still eagerly awaiting his first set of hiccups, though! Inevitably they'll be when Jacob used to get his most of the time--right when I'm trying to fall asleep!
As a whole I'm feeling good these days. My energy is acceptable. I have uncomfortable moments, but right now it's manageable. My round ligament pain hasn't been too bad lately (just a couple pains when I was walking while Jacob was trick-or-treating and after my workout last week), and (knock on wood) I still haven't had any leg cramps. Thank goodness for that. How I feel now is a far cry from how I felt during those miserable two months of the summer. That period alone is what makes me wonder if I could really ever do this again, assuming the other issues with having a third child worked themselves out. But now is perfectly acceptable and even fun a lot of the time.
My one concern at this point is how long I'll be able to continue working out. I kept going to a class right up through about 7-1/2 months last time, and now at 5ish months (I think), I have moments where I'm not sure I'll make it that long. I'm already having to do a lot of modifications in the class I take right now. This week I felt fine afterward, but last week was tough. Last time around I think I worked out twice a week or so, and this time I just haven't been able to pull it off. My evenings are too precious. Time with Jacob and time to relax are rare enough. That could certainly impact how much weight I gain and my general fitness level, but we'll see. At this point I'm just hoping to make it until Christmas. Inevitably that time of year is hard to squeeze workouts into, so my fear is that I'll take time off and lose the level I was at, but by then I'll be at a point in the pregnancy where I can't get back without risking an injury or complications. So, if I can make it to Christmas still going to class, I'll be doing well. That's still considerably earlier than last time, but the class is different and the timing is what it is. Whatever I can do to stay active...
Anyway, things are good. I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving and even more to Christmas (already, which is weird). Must be the eternal optimism that comes from being pregnant and looking ahead to the future...
Monday, November 5, 2012
Random Reasons Why I'm Bummed About Florida...
So, as I mentioned in yesterday's post, it appears our trip to Florida isn't happening, at least not anytime soon. I talked to the doctor this morning during my monthly visit (on a side note, my December appointment is my last monthly visit before going to every two weeks. I can't believe we're already getting to that point!) and asked about traveling at 35 weeks, which I would have been in the first week of February. She said they normally don't recommend it after 34-35 weeks because there's just too much risk. If something happens, you have a premature baby stuck in a hospital far away, for however many weeks it takes to get them healthy and ready to travel. Add in that it's simply not comfortable to travel or be super active by that point, and they just don't recommend it all around. OK...so I guess that's good to know.
Anyway, as I said previously, I'm obviously disappointed as it would have been a fun trip and Jacob would have had a blast. The doctor also said, by the way, that her youngest was four when they went, and she doesn't remember a thing. I'm pretty sure Jacob would remember bits and pieces (I do from when I went that young), and he's constantly bringing up minute details of trips we've taken and things we've done. I know a lot of that is because we've talked about things and looked at pictures after the fact, but I guess it was good to hear that perhaps it's not a bad thing if we have to wait a little longer, at least for that reason.
Along with all of the usual reasons I'm bummed the trip isn't happening, I have some random ones, too...which is just extra proof that pregnancy is an odd, awesome, life-altering experience...
1) It would have been a great time to immortalize the bump - My belly still hasn't rounded out perfectly, but it's definitely reaching a better stage of cuteness and it would have been a nice time to capture it in vacation photos. I'm not massively huge and uncomfortable-looking, either, so this would have been a cool period to have splashed across our photo album for posterity. It would have dramatically upped the number of pregnant photos I have of myself, if nothing else!
2) I really wanted to use my summer maternity clothes - I was pregnant for about a month and a half of warm weather last time, so I amassed a pretty decent amount of summer attire. Nothing crazy, but enough to get me through quite a few weeks of work and lots of evenings and weekends in a very warm house. I had a few pairs of capris, a couple pairs of shorts, some solid t-shirts, and a handful of adorable tops. I was really looking forward to getting at least some use out of them during this vacation, since the rest of my pregnancy will be spent in the doldrums of winter. Now I'll just have to look through them one more time with an eye toward what could be layered under sweaters, and leave it at that. Bummer.
3) I really wanted a churro - When I went to Disney when I was nine, I discovered the joy of churros. What a delightful little piece of fried joy! I was excited about getting one when we went to Disney five years ago, but for some reason I never did. I don't know if I decided they were too expensive, or the one churro stand I found wasn't at a convenient snacking time, or what. But this time I figured I could plan things better, and perhaps the churro would even qualify for the meal plan-approved snack for the day. And since I'm pregnant, I'd have fewer guilt issues about digging into a giant piece of fried food dipped in sugar. I guess it will have to wait until next time.
4) I think my bathing suit would have still fit - A year ago I bought a bathing suit on clearance that I thought was a good choice for someone hoping to have another baby. It was plain black, a little retro-looking, with ruching up the entire front. It left a little room for a bigger belly (either for early pregnancy or post-pregnancy) without making it painfully obvious or looking too matronly. I hadn't actually tried it on recently, but I was hopeful that it would still fit so I had something to wear for our days around the pool. I wasn't sure I could say the same for my tankini, and I'm just not sure I'm bold enough to go all Hollywood and wear a bikini while pregnant, no matter how tiny and tight my belly may be. So, this was really the perfect window for that bathing suit. If we somehow manage to book a date at some point in the next month or two, which would be great but isn't looking likely, I'm not sure I'll be able to avoid shelling out the cash for a maternity suit given how much time we could be spending poolside. Hmmm...on second thought, maybe I'm bolder than I thought ;-)
5) I finally set up vacation ahead of time, and it still didn't work out - I'm slightly famous in my department for putting in late notice on vacations. It's not really a problem, but it just seems that when you have a husband with a crazy schedule, along with a child, sometimes it's not particularly easy to plan way ahead unless we absolutely have to. Even the Atlanta trip was only booked a couple weeks in advance, and beyond maybe one trip with a few weeks notice each year, most of my vacation days end up being one-offs here and there that I decide on a week ahead. This time I was able to put the vacation days on the calendar practically at the beginning of the year. They'd been there for months and I was able to plan around them for a change. And then, of course, it didn't end up happening. On one hand it's nice because it validates my hesitance to plan ahead, but as a whole it just makes me shake my head and wonder why I'm never able to live a nicely planned existence.
6) Scheduling vacation is hard - It may seem like a good problem to have--we have two months left in the year and I now have 5.5 vacation days left to schedule, on top of the four I had already allocated for Christmas week since my company's holiday flex time setup isn't as flexible as I'd like it to be (making up 22.5 hours of work in full-hour increments when you have a kid on a set schedule is not easy). And while I can definitely use some time off to prepare for the baby and the holidays, it's a lot harder to pick days arbitrarily than it is to have a set vacation that has been planned in advance. When days are more random, there's more guilt about potentially missing something or not getting something done at a certain time. When time is this short, there's just never a "good" time to be off because there's always something pressing.
7) Getting past the stress - Traveling, though awesome, can be a rather stressful experience. From taking care of work prior to the vacation, to getting everyone packed, to navigating the airport with bags and a child, to hoping for good flights and hotels, to just enjoying the time, it can be a little stressful. And knowing I'd be pregnant and we'd have a rather large group of people to move around and accommodate, I'll admit this trip worried me a little at times. I knew that in the end we'd have fun and see so many awesome things, and hopefully enjoy some fantastic weather, so the stress wasn't crazy, but there were specific moments (like the airports and flights) that I had some anxiety about. Disney is magical, no doubt, so I figured that regardless of any stresses that might pop up, that magic would carry us through. So while on one hand I'm relieved that I won't be dealing with that kind of stress while pregnant, on the other I'm guessing there might still be a trip at some point down the road and most likely we'd be doing it with a baby on top of it. So, whereas going on the trip now would have gotten me past that anxiety (and hopefully made me less worried about future trips), now it's just sort of hanging out there as a "what if" for the future. Bummer.
8) Christmas made easy? - I figured that going to Disney would give me a head start on Christmas since we'd have dozens of shops to check out. I could buy gifts for my brother's kids, potentially, and we'd have our nieces and nephews right there to get instant feedback or gauge their interest in certain things in preparation for buying their gifts. And of course, we could always get things for Jacob, too. In addition, perhaps some experience there would even spark a new interest for him that we could have used for Christmas gift ideas. Back to the drawing board, I guess...
9) I was hoping shopping would get me more excited for a boy - Last time we went to Disney when I was newly pregnant, I was a little bummed walking around the stores because as much as I wanted to get something for our new addition, so much of the baby stuff was gender-specific. I had the same feeling when we went to Atlanta, as well. But now we know that there's another little boy in there so we could have gotten something special for him on the trip. And knowing that I would be picking out a special gift chosen specifically based on all we know of him so far (that he's a boy), I think I could have gotten pretty into that hunt. Even last night when we were at JC Penney, I was browsing a rack of clearance items and found myself getting a little excited about the prospect of buying a whole new crop of cute little boy stuff. Not that this baby will need a lot, but I'm sure there are some holes to fill given seasonal differences this time around, and sometimes something is just too cute to pass up. And even the boy stuff last night was cute enough to get me a little excited...so imagine what Disney would have had to offer!
10) Sibling equality - The last time we went to Disney, I swore I would never go there again while pregnant. The screams from the roller coasters had a Pavlovian effect on me and it killed me to be missing out on those thrills. Fast forward nearly five years, and what was on the agenda? Yep, another pregnant trip to Disney. Famous last words...or so I thought, since in the end my declaration might actually hold true after all. We always joke to Jacob that we have taken him to Disney (although his view from my belly was presumably less than ideal--ha!), and I was looking forward to continuing the joke with the next one, as well. Seemed only fair, right?
Anyway, I'm well aware that there are bigger bummers pertaining to this trip than these 10 items. I feel bad for Craig's mom that she's had to go through the health issues she's had, and I feel bad for both her and my sister-in-law in regards to the significant amount of planning they put into this trip. At this point I don't know if there's going to be any financial losses from all of this, but I'm hoping they'll be minimal. I'm bummed for our niece and nephews who have never been there and are all old enough to realize what they're missing out on. I'm hoping they can all still go at some point soon, even if we can't.
So, again, I know these are tiny little problems in the grand scheme of things. So many people are dealing with so many worse problems right now (my thoughts and prayers are still with everyone impacted by Sandy), and even within the realm of this trip itself, these are tiny little issues compared to the true bummers of the trip. If you've heard the term "first world problems", consider these the upper tier of that. I'm well aware that they're tiny little issues and could probably be considered shallow, but I figured it was funnier to talk about these than rehash the same old stuff. I hope you agree...
Anyway, as I said previously, I'm obviously disappointed as it would have been a fun trip and Jacob would have had a blast. The doctor also said, by the way, that her youngest was four when they went, and she doesn't remember a thing. I'm pretty sure Jacob would remember bits and pieces (I do from when I went that young), and he's constantly bringing up minute details of trips we've taken and things we've done. I know a lot of that is because we've talked about things and looked at pictures after the fact, but I guess it was good to hear that perhaps it's not a bad thing if we have to wait a little longer, at least for that reason.
Along with all of the usual reasons I'm bummed the trip isn't happening, I have some random ones, too...which is just extra proof that pregnancy is an odd, awesome, life-altering experience...
1) It would have been a great time to immortalize the bump - My belly still hasn't rounded out perfectly, but it's definitely reaching a better stage of cuteness and it would have been a nice time to capture it in vacation photos. I'm not massively huge and uncomfortable-looking, either, so this would have been a cool period to have splashed across our photo album for posterity. It would have dramatically upped the number of pregnant photos I have of myself, if nothing else!
2) I really wanted to use my summer maternity clothes - I was pregnant for about a month and a half of warm weather last time, so I amassed a pretty decent amount of summer attire. Nothing crazy, but enough to get me through quite a few weeks of work and lots of evenings and weekends in a very warm house. I had a few pairs of capris, a couple pairs of shorts, some solid t-shirts, and a handful of adorable tops. I was really looking forward to getting at least some use out of them during this vacation, since the rest of my pregnancy will be spent in the doldrums of winter. Now I'll just have to look through them one more time with an eye toward what could be layered under sweaters, and leave it at that. Bummer.
3) I really wanted a churro - When I went to Disney when I was nine, I discovered the joy of churros. What a delightful little piece of fried joy! I was excited about getting one when we went to Disney five years ago, but for some reason I never did. I don't know if I decided they were too expensive, or the one churro stand I found wasn't at a convenient snacking time, or what. But this time I figured I could plan things better, and perhaps the churro would even qualify for the meal plan-approved snack for the day. And since I'm pregnant, I'd have fewer guilt issues about digging into a giant piece of fried food dipped in sugar. I guess it will have to wait until next time.
4) I think my bathing suit would have still fit - A year ago I bought a bathing suit on clearance that I thought was a good choice for someone hoping to have another baby. It was plain black, a little retro-looking, with ruching up the entire front. It left a little room for a bigger belly (either for early pregnancy or post-pregnancy) without making it painfully obvious or looking too matronly. I hadn't actually tried it on recently, but I was hopeful that it would still fit so I had something to wear for our days around the pool. I wasn't sure I could say the same for my tankini, and I'm just not sure I'm bold enough to go all Hollywood and wear a bikini while pregnant, no matter how tiny and tight my belly may be. So, this was really the perfect window for that bathing suit. If we somehow manage to book a date at some point in the next month or two, which would be great but isn't looking likely, I'm not sure I'll be able to avoid shelling out the cash for a maternity suit given how much time we could be spending poolside. Hmmm...on second thought, maybe I'm bolder than I thought ;-)
5) I finally set up vacation ahead of time, and it still didn't work out - I'm slightly famous in my department for putting in late notice on vacations. It's not really a problem, but it just seems that when you have a husband with a crazy schedule, along with a child, sometimes it's not particularly easy to plan way ahead unless we absolutely have to. Even the Atlanta trip was only booked a couple weeks in advance, and beyond maybe one trip with a few weeks notice each year, most of my vacation days end up being one-offs here and there that I decide on a week ahead. This time I was able to put the vacation days on the calendar practically at the beginning of the year. They'd been there for months and I was able to plan around them for a change. And then, of course, it didn't end up happening. On one hand it's nice because it validates my hesitance to plan ahead, but as a whole it just makes me shake my head and wonder why I'm never able to live a nicely planned existence.
6) Scheduling vacation is hard - It may seem like a good problem to have--we have two months left in the year and I now have 5.5 vacation days left to schedule, on top of the four I had already allocated for Christmas week since my company's holiday flex time setup isn't as flexible as I'd like it to be (making up 22.5 hours of work in full-hour increments when you have a kid on a set schedule is not easy). And while I can definitely use some time off to prepare for the baby and the holidays, it's a lot harder to pick days arbitrarily than it is to have a set vacation that has been planned in advance. When days are more random, there's more guilt about potentially missing something or not getting something done at a certain time. When time is this short, there's just never a "good" time to be off because there's always something pressing.
7) Getting past the stress - Traveling, though awesome, can be a rather stressful experience. From taking care of work prior to the vacation, to getting everyone packed, to navigating the airport with bags and a child, to hoping for good flights and hotels, to just enjoying the time, it can be a little stressful. And knowing I'd be pregnant and we'd have a rather large group of people to move around and accommodate, I'll admit this trip worried me a little at times. I knew that in the end we'd have fun and see so many awesome things, and hopefully enjoy some fantastic weather, so the stress wasn't crazy, but there were specific moments (like the airports and flights) that I had some anxiety about. Disney is magical, no doubt, so I figured that regardless of any stresses that might pop up, that magic would carry us through. So while on one hand I'm relieved that I won't be dealing with that kind of stress while pregnant, on the other I'm guessing there might still be a trip at some point down the road and most likely we'd be doing it with a baby on top of it. So, whereas going on the trip now would have gotten me past that anxiety (and hopefully made me less worried about future trips), now it's just sort of hanging out there as a "what if" for the future. Bummer.
8) Christmas made easy? - I figured that going to Disney would give me a head start on Christmas since we'd have dozens of shops to check out. I could buy gifts for my brother's kids, potentially, and we'd have our nieces and nephews right there to get instant feedback or gauge their interest in certain things in preparation for buying their gifts. And of course, we could always get things for Jacob, too. In addition, perhaps some experience there would even spark a new interest for him that we could have used for Christmas gift ideas. Back to the drawing board, I guess...
9) I was hoping shopping would get me more excited for a boy - Last time we went to Disney when I was newly pregnant, I was a little bummed walking around the stores because as much as I wanted to get something for our new addition, so much of the baby stuff was gender-specific. I had the same feeling when we went to Atlanta, as well. But now we know that there's another little boy in there so we could have gotten something special for him on the trip. And knowing that I would be picking out a special gift chosen specifically based on all we know of him so far (that he's a boy), I think I could have gotten pretty into that hunt. Even last night when we were at JC Penney, I was browsing a rack of clearance items and found myself getting a little excited about the prospect of buying a whole new crop of cute little boy stuff. Not that this baby will need a lot, but I'm sure there are some holes to fill given seasonal differences this time around, and sometimes something is just too cute to pass up. And even the boy stuff last night was cute enough to get me a little excited...so imagine what Disney would have had to offer!
10) Sibling equality - The last time we went to Disney, I swore I would never go there again while pregnant. The screams from the roller coasters had a Pavlovian effect on me and it killed me to be missing out on those thrills. Fast forward nearly five years, and what was on the agenda? Yep, another pregnant trip to Disney. Famous last words...or so I thought, since in the end my declaration might actually hold true after all. We always joke to Jacob that we have taken him to Disney (although his view from my belly was presumably less than ideal--ha!), and I was looking forward to continuing the joke with the next one, as well. Seemed only fair, right?
Anyway, I'm well aware that there are bigger bummers pertaining to this trip than these 10 items. I feel bad for Craig's mom that she's had to go through the health issues she's had, and I feel bad for both her and my sister-in-law in regards to the significant amount of planning they put into this trip. At this point I don't know if there's going to be any financial losses from all of this, but I'm hoping they'll be minimal. I'm bummed for our niece and nephews who have never been there and are all old enough to realize what they're missing out on. I'm hoping they can all still go at some point soon, even if we can't.
So, again, I know these are tiny little problems in the grand scheme of things. So many people are dealing with so many worse problems right now (my thoughts and prayers are still with everyone impacted by Sandy), and even within the realm of this trip itself, these are tiny little issues compared to the true bummers of the trip. If you've heard the term "first world problems", consider these the upper tier of that. I'm well aware that they're tiny little issues and could probably be considered shallow, but I figured it was funnier to talk about these than rehash the same old stuff. I hope you agree...
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Mental Block
Lately I feel like I'm having a hard time truly living in reality. Perhaps I'm denying it a bit because there's just a lot going on and it's hard to process it all. It may just be a mental coping mechanism, but whatever it is, sometimes it's hard to fathom some of what's going on these days.
For starters, I can hardly believe that in about four months, we'll have another baby in our family. It's hard to believe we're in our final months as a family of three, and that we'll have a tiny, helpless baby taking up much of our time by next spring. I see tiny baby clothes and can't believe our baby will be that small. I can't believe we're coming to the end of a period of relative freedom, including an ability to sleep through the night and even sometimes sleep in. I can't quite fathom that I need to pull the baby clothes back out and set up the pack-n-play in the only empty-ish spot of our living room. We have a lot to organize and set up in the next four months, and I can't quite wrap my brain around how we're going to get all of it done.
On Halloween I couldn't quite fathom that next year I'll be getting two little boys dressed up, and in a couple years I'll be walking up the street watching two costumed brothers go up to the doors together. I can only hope Jacob will be the doting older brother who can't wait to teach his little brother how to do it all right. When Jacob is being crazy, I can't quite figure out how I will deal with two kids acting like that. When he's being sweet, I look forward to the great moments with another child, but worry about not noticing enough of those sweet moments when I'm tired and preoccupied with a needy infant. How do you possibly give two kids the attention they need, when sometimes it's hard enough with one?
Even though my belly is rapidly expanding, it's hard to believe it's going to get a lot bigger, and then I'll have to go through labor and delivery again. I'll have to go through all of the baby stresses, the spit-up, the blowouts, the illnesses, and all of the steps that we've been relieved to get past with Jacob. We'll have to do all of it again. And who knows, this one might be way different. Oh, and in the next four months we need to find a name we like enough to use it hundreds of times a day for the foreseeable future. Yikes.
More immediately, our reality has been back and forth a bunch of times in regards to our trip to Florida. In a matter of days we were supposed to be on a plane for a week at Disney with Craig's whole family. The trip has been in the works for almost a year. This is the one best time of year for all of us to go. A trip for 11 people takes a lot of planning and coordination, and with Craig's work schedule it was no small task to find a time of year that worked for everyone where it wasn't also insanely hot in Florida. The trip had been planned for months, but then last weekend Craig's mom needed emergency surgery. Fortunately, by all accounts she's going to be fine and we're relieved that it wasn't more serious. The bad news is that she can't travel for a month. And once that month is up, we'll be in the midst of not only Craig's busy season, but also the holidays. We put a lot of potential dates out there, hoping we could rebook it sometime in December or early January, but between Craig's schedule, blackout dates, and Disney being totally booked, there just isn't a good time. The only option we've been given at this point that works for everyone else is the first week of February. However, Craig has three games in eight days right around those dates, and I will be 35 weeks pregnant...meaning I'd be just one week away from the usual cut-off for flying at 36 weeks. I also can't quite fathom walking around Disney that late in my pregnancy, and the risk of flying that close to my due date scares the crap out of me. I went 10 days early last time and I'm pretty sure I'm getting bigger more quickly this time around. I've been a bit more uncomfortable so far, and taking all of those things into consideration, I don't trust my body one bit. So, at this point it appears we won't be going to Florida anytime soon. It's a major bummer, for sure. Ultimately, it just can't be helped. Obviously there was nothing that could be done about Craig's mom's ailment. It came out of nowhere and there's nothing that could have prevented it. And really, it wouldn't have been that big of a deal if any one of the elements impacting the scheduling were different. We have a convergence of two major holidays, Craig's busy season, and my pregnancy. Take any one of those elements away, and rescheduling would be significantly easier.
Anyway, our reality went from a week in Florida, to postponing it for a bit, to not having it at all. When it was scheduled it was hard to believe we'd be soaking up the sun in Florida while it was chilly and blah back home...but it was happening. And now suddenly it's back to being nothing more than a fantasy. It's like when I have a realistic dream where I'm heading off to some amazing destination, then wake up and realize that it was just a dream. It's disappointing, but again, there's nothing we can do about the "perfect storm" that left us so short on options, so there's no sense getting overly upset. Fortunately, Jacob seems relatively unphased. He may ask down the road when we're going there, but he hasn't really mentioned it since we told him we couldn't go (yet). Guess we dodged a bullet there. But now I need to find time to utilize these last five vacation days before the end of the year, on top of the days I'm already using around Christmas. I want to use them well since I have so much I could do in these next couple months--for both the holidays and the baby--but scheduling around work on the fly is a lot harder than having set vacation plans and having to stick to them.
So, yeah...there's a lot going on right now and my brain can't quite process it all sometimes. This baby is coming and we have a lot to do in the next few months. We won't quite have the last hurrah we were hoping for, but we have plenty to think about in the meantime. We'll get there eventually...I hope.
For starters, I can hardly believe that in about four months, we'll have another baby in our family. It's hard to believe we're in our final months as a family of three, and that we'll have a tiny, helpless baby taking up much of our time by next spring. I see tiny baby clothes and can't believe our baby will be that small. I can't believe we're coming to the end of a period of relative freedom, including an ability to sleep through the night and even sometimes sleep in. I can't quite fathom that I need to pull the baby clothes back out and set up the pack-n-play in the only empty-ish spot of our living room. We have a lot to organize and set up in the next four months, and I can't quite wrap my brain around how we're going to get all of it done.
On Halloween I couldn't quite fathom that next year I'll be getting two little boys dressed up, and in a couple years I'll be walking up the street watching two costumed brothers go up to the doors together. I can only hope Jacob will be the doting older brother who can't wait to teach his little brother how to do it all right. When Jacob is being crazy, I can't quite figure out how I will deal with two kids acting like that. When he's being sweet, I look forward to the great moments with another child, but worry about not noticing enough of those sweet moments when I'm tired and preoccupied with a needy infant. How do you possibly give two kids the attention they need, when sometimes it's hard enough with one?
Even though my belly is rapidly expanding, it's hard to believe it's going to get a lot bigger, and then I'll have to go through labor and delivery again. I'll have to go through all of the baby stresses, the spit-up, the blowouts, the illnesses, and all of the steps that we've been relieved to get past with Jacob. We'll have to do all of it again. And who knows, this one might be way different. Oh, and in the next four months we need to find a name we like enough to use it hundreds of times a day for the foreseeable future. Yikes.
More immediately, our reality has been back and forth a bunch of times in regards to our trip to Florida. In a matter of days we were supposed to be on a plane for a week at Disney with Craig's whole family. The trip has been in the works for almost a year. This is the one best time of year for all of us to go. A trip for 11 people takes a lot of planning and coordination, and with Craig's work schedule it was no small task to find a time of year that worked for everyone where it wasn't also insanely hot in Florida. The trip had been planned for months, but then last weekend Craig's mom needed emergency surgery. Fortunately, by all accounts she's going to be fine and we're relieved that it wasn't more serious. The bad news is that she can't travel for a month. And once that month is up, we'll be in the midst of not only Craig's busy season, but also the holidays. We put a lot of potential dates out there, hoping we could rebook it sometime in December or early January, but between Craig's schedule, blackout dates, and Disney being totally booked, there just isn't a good time. The only option we've been given at this point that works for everyone else is the first week of February. However, Craig has three games in eight days right around those dates, and I will be 35 weeks pregnant...meaning I'd be just one week away from the usual cut-off for flying at 36 weeks. I also can't quite fathom walking around Disney that late in my pregnancy, and the risk of flying that close to my due date scares the crap out of me. I went 10 days early last time and I'm pretty sure I'm getting bigger more quickly this time around. I've been a bit more uncomfortable so far, and taking all of those things into consideration, I don't trust my body one bit. So, at this point it appears we won't be going to Florida anytime soon. It's a major bummer, for sure. Ultimately, it just can't be helped. Obviously there was nothing that could be done about Craig's mom's ailment. It came out of nowhere and there's nothing that could have prevented it. And really, it wouldn't have been that big of a deal if any one of the elements impacting the scheduling were different. We have a convergence of two major holidays, Craig's busy season, and my pregnancy. Take any one of those elements away, and rescheduling would be significantly easier.
Anyway, our reality went from a week in Florida, to postponing it for a bit, to not having it at all. When it was scheduled it was hard to believe we'd be soaking up the sun in Florida while it was chilly and blah back home...but it was happening. And now suddenly it's back to being nothing more than a fantasy. It's like when I have a realistic dream where I'm heading off to some amazing destination, then wake up and realize that it was just a dream. It's disappointing, but again, there's nothing we can do about the "perfect storm" that left us so short on options, so there's no sense getting overly upset. Fortunately, Jacob seems relatively unphased. He may ask down the road when we're going there, but he hasn't really mentioned it since we told him we couldn't go (yet). Guess we dodged a bullet there. But now I need to find time to utilize these last five vacation days before the end of the year, on top of the days I'm already using around Christmas. I want to use them well since I have so much I could do in these next couple months--for both the holidays and the baby--but scheduling around work on the fly is a lot harder than having set vacation plans and having to stick to them.
So, yeah...there's a lot going on right now and my brain can't quite process it all sometimes. This baby is coming and we have a lot to do in the next few months. We won't quite have the last hurrah we were hoping for, but we have plenty to think about in the meantime. We'll get there eventually...I hope.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Not worth it...
Earlier today a college friend of mine posed a question on Facebook about whether or not people let their babies sleep on their bellies. She did it with her second child and is now considering it with her third, who was born a month ago. Since no one else had commented yet, I did. I said that I was always very paranoid about it, and the only time Jacob slept on his belly was when he was laying on Craig or me. That's probably why he slept so soundly on us all the time, but I felt OK about that only because we were right there and perhaps I subconsciously hoped that he'd be somehow stimulated enough by our mere presence that he'd just keep breathing.
In case you've been living in a cave or haven't raised a child in 20 or so years, they now recommend that you put your baby to sleep on their back because it reduces the risk of SIDS. SIDS was probably one of my top three fears as a new mother, and I'm sure it will be again. There's nothing more torturous than the thought of losing your precious new baby to something so unavoidable (assuming you're following the rules) and without real cause. I feel horrible for people whose babies accidentally suffocate from blankets and stuff, because the guilt must be terrible, but in a case like that it was avoidable so it's more frustrating than anything. I feel worse for the people whose babies just pass away without warning, without cause. It absolutely paralyzes me with fear to even think about it. I was so nuts about it the first time around that I was constantly rolling Jacob back over onto his back once he learned to flip on his own, even though conventional wisdom says that they should be fine once they can roll themselves.
Anyway, much to my surprise, a number of people came out and proudly said that they do let their babies sleep on their bellies. I'm not trying to be judgy, because the whole judgy mom thing in the blog world can be so infuriating. But I tend to think it's more infuriating when it's a six-of-one/half-dozen-of-the-other situation like breastfeeding vs. formula or homemade food vs. store-bought. Neither of those things has life-threatening implications, so who cares which you choose? Whether you choose one or the other, your kid is still going to be fine. And while I understand that the vast majority of belly sleeping babies end up fine, there are plenty of statistics that show that some don't.
In this day and age, you often hear people say, "We didn't do _______ back in the day, and we all turned out fine." And in a lot of cases, I agree. We do tend to be overly careful now. But there are some things where I want to come back with, "Well, there are a lot of kids that aren't fine because of _____." One example of this is car seats. We had crappy car seats (if we had one at all) years ago. We sat in the front seat when we were little, and didn't stay in boosters until we were nearly five feet tall. And yes, I'm here and you're here. But how many of our peers are not? How many kids were killed in car accidents due to inadequate restraints? We know better now so we try to do better with our kids.
Maybe I'm just paranoid, but I find it so hard to believe that people would knowingly risk their child's safety like that. Again, I know the odds are small, but I could never live with myself if I knowingly let my child sleep like that and something happened. Sleep is so important, especially for babies with colic or other ailments, but is it worth the risk, knowing that the statistics are out there? One commenter even said, "God is in control." Obviously that's the case, and I suppose if it's my baby's time, nothing is going to change that. However, in my opinion that's sort of like those people that won't go to doctors or medicate their kids because they're going to pray until they're healed. God provided doctors with the skills to save people, so why couldn't they be considered the answer to prayer? There's also the story about someone trapped in a boat, praying to God to save them, and they kept telling passing boaters that they didn't need their help because God would save them...even though God was the one that sent the boaters to save them! Obviously this is a much less risky issue than the people praying for healing, but if the research is out there and we know there are ways to reduce the risk of SIDS, why fly in the face of that and trust that our judgment is better just because God's in control? I'd rather do everything in my power to protect my child and pray God would honor that effort, than take my chances and possibly regret it later.
Again, I don't want to judge because every parent needs to do what they're comfortable with, but when the consequences are so huge, I have a hard time understanding the riskier choice. I feel the same way about women that eat cold cuts during pregnancy. No, the odds of getting listeria aren't high, but if you do get it, it can do a ton of damage. Why take that risk if the answer is something as simple as avoiding it? I know that everyone says how much better babies sleep like that, and God knows at times you can be desperate for sleep. But just because the baby likes it doesn't mean it's good for them. After all, Jacob would like to eat all of his Halloween candy, too, but that doesn't mean he should.
Perhaps I was extra worried because Jacob had respiratory problems pretty much from the beginning and I was scared enough by those, let alone by belly sleeping. Between the fluid in his lungs when he was born and his bout of bronchiolitis when he was a couple months old, he didn't need anything else impeding his ability to breathe. Add in that a professional athlete lost his baby who was about Jacob's same age when he was just a few months old (if that), and I was probably about as paranoid as one could be. So maybe that clouds my judgment. But no amount of sleep is worth risking my baby's life, and the guilt I'd feel for the rest of my life would give me far more sleepless nights anyway.
Again, parents need to do what's best for them AND their baby, but before all these confident "I slept that way and I'm still here" folks put their baby down on their belly, I sure hope they've read the research and know the facts.
Sorry, just needed to get that off my chest.
In case you've been living in a cave or haven't raised a child in 20 or so years, they now recommend that you put your baby to sleep on their back because it reduces the risk of SIDS. SIDS was probably one of my top three fears as a new mother, and I'm sure it will be again. There's nothing more torturous than the thought of losing your precious new baby to something so unavoidable (assuming you're following the rules) and without real cause. I feel horrible for people whose babies accidentally suffocate from blankets and stuff, because the guilt must be terrible, but in a case like that it was avoidable so it's more frustrating than anything. I feel worse for the people whose babies just pass away without warning, without cause. It absolutely paralyzes me with fear to even think about it. I was so nuts about it the first time around that I was constantly rolling Jacob back over onto his back once he learned to flip on his own, even though conventional wisdom says that they should be fine once they can roll themselves.
Anyway, much to my surprise, a number of people came out and proudly said that they do let their babies sleep on their bellies. I'm not trying to be judgy, because the whole judgy mom thing in the blog world can be so infuriating. But I tend to think it's more infuriating when it's a six-of-one/half-dozen-of-the-other situation like breastfeeding vs. formula or homemade food vs. store-bought. Neither of those things has life-threatening implications, so who cares which you choose? Whether you choose one or the other, your kid is still going to be fine. And while I understand that the vast majority of belly sleeping babies end up fine, there are plenty of statistics that show that some don't.
In this day and age, you often hear people say, "We didn't do _______ back in the day, and we all turned out fine." And in a lot of cases, I agree. We do tend to be overly careful now. But there are some things where I want to come back with, "Well, there are a lot of kids that aren't fine because of _____." One example of this is car seats. We had crappy car seats (if we had one at all) years ago. We sat in the front seat when we were little, and didn't stay in boosters until we were nearly five feet tall. And yes, I'm here and you're here. But how many of our peers are not? How many kids were killed in car accidents due to inadequate restraints? We know better now so we try to do better with our kids.
Maybe I'm just paranoid, but I find it so hard to believe that people would knowingly risk their child's safety like that. Again, I know the odds are small, but I could never live with myself if I knowingly let my child sleep like that and something happened. Sleep is so important, especially for babies with colic or other ailments, but is it worth the risk, knowing that the statistics are out there? One commenter even said, "God is in control." Obviously that's the case, and I suppose if it's my baby's time, nothing is going to change that. However, in my opinion that's sort of like those people that won't go to doctors or medicate their kids because they're going to pray until they're healed. God provided doctors with the skills to save people, so why couldn't they be considered the answer to prayer? There's also the story about someone trapped in a boat, praying to God to save them, and they kept telling passing boaters that they didn't need their help because God would save them...even though God was the one that sent the boaters to save them! Obviously this is a much less risky issue than the people praying for healing, but if the research is out there and we know there are ways to reduce the risk of SIDS, why fly in the face of that and trust that our judgment is better just because God's in control? I'd rather do everything in my power to protect my child and pray God would honor that effort, than take my chances and possibly regret it later.
Again, I don't want to judge because every parent needs to do what they're comfortable with, but when the consequences are so huge, I have a hard time understanding the riskier choice. I feel the same way about women that eat cold cuts during pregnancy. No, the odds of getting listeria aren't high, but if you do get it, it can do a ton of damage. Why take that risk if the answer is something as simple as avoiding it? I know that everyone says how much better babies sleep like that, and God knows at times you can be desperate for sleep. But just because the baby likes it doesn't mean it's good for them. After all, Jacob would like to eat all of his Halloween candy, too, but that doesn't mean he should.
Perhaps I was extra worried because Jacob had respiratory problems pretty much from the beginning and I was scared enough by those, let alone by belly sleeping. Between the fluid in his lungs when he was born and his bout of bronchiolitis when he was a couple months old, he didn't need anything else impeding his ability to breathe. Add in that a professional athlete lost his baby who was about Jacob's same age when he was just a few months old (if that), and I was probably about as paranoid as one could be. So maybe that clouds my judgment. But no amount of sleep is worth risking my baby's life, and the guilt I'd feel for the rest of my life would give me far more sleepless nights anyway.
Again, parents need to do what's best for them AND their baby, but before all these confident "I slept that way and I'm still here" folks put their baby down on their belly, I sure hope they've read the research and know the facts.
Sorry, just needed to get that off my chest.
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