Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Feeling big...

I know that I'm still relatively small, but for the last few days I've just felt big. I don't think it has anything to do with clothes or anything like that (surprisingly), but man, it's really amazing how the human body can expand. I'm not getting any back pains or anything like that yet, and I'm really only up about 10 pounds or so, but for whatever reason, it's really starting to hit me how big I am (and will be getting).

The worst it probably gets is after I eat or when I have to pee. In both cases my belly gets extra round and feels quite solid, so it just feels huge. Interestingly, otherwise I feel like my belly has been carrying around a lot of chub the upper part of the belly (above the belly button) just feels like fat. I feel like I've got a love handle thing going on as well. Neither case is that bad, of course, but it strikes me as funny that this is the first time I've felt like there was a lot of spare fat in that area. I may have felt that it looked like there was for so long, but I never really felt like it actually was fat.

My belly still hasn't completely rounded out, but it's getting better. The belly button crease is almost gone, but the belly button is now this sink hole in the middle of it all. Better than having it stick out, though. I just means (still) that wearing tight clothes is not the best choice for me. Today I'm looking particularly frumpy, because I still need those last couple maternity tops to fill my 2-3 week cycle (I know, I shouldn't worry about it, but...), and I am wearing a baggy button down sweater that I haven't worn since my fat days. It's long enough to cover maternity pants and loose enough to not hug the belly, but that doesn't mean it's flattering. The belly is quite obvious, though it could easily be mistaken for fat. Normal clothes tend to do that these maternity wear, however, makes things quite obvious.

Last Friday when I went home, I wore a normal sweater. My parents didn't think I looked too pregnant ("full" was the term my mom used, I think), but when I put on something with an empire waist on Saturday, they changed their minds and decided I looked pretty solidly pregnant. I had to remind my mom that you have to think back to where I started...for all my issues with my body, I had a flat stomach. Standing up, slightly sucking in, it was flat. And to compare it to what I look like now, heck yeah, I've gotten big. But compared to your average womanly figure, sure, I'm not that large. It all just makes me realize that no one noticed how thin I was before!

In any event, I'm just feeling rather large these days. At least my belly distracts me from noticing whatever might be happening to my hips, butt and thighs. Everything looks small compared to the belly! I don't mind it all nearly as much as I thought I would, but I know a lot of the discomfort has yet to kick in. I know I don't have the strength or stamina that I used to, but I'm adjusting. It's all very interesting to experience from day to day, so really, at least that keeps me on my toes!

1 comment:

Meghan said...

I have not had any children yet, so I can't speak from personal experience, and maybe my outlook is different because of that. But if I were you I wouldn't worry about the awkwardness of your belly or your weight right now. I think pregnant bodies are beautiful regardless of the stage they are in. You should focus less on the way you look in clothes and more on the whole pregnancy experience because before you know it, it will be over with! I can't wait to have children and the thing I look forward to most is being pregnant. This is the one time in life that gaining weight is a good thing, whether or not it’s a round tummy, or a lumpy tummy lol. And the fact that you've been working out is awesome, it definitely puts you at an advantage once you give birth (and losing weight after that). I hope none of this sounds harsh. I read your blog daily (I first noticed it from Storked!) and I don't mean to come off bossy, I just want you to give yourself a break. Who cares if people can't distinguish whether or not you are pregnant. I'm still scared to ask people when they are almost due, just because of all the foot in mouth moments I've had in the past! So that shows you how other people probably think too. Anyways, keep the blogs coming I love reading them!