Friday, February 3, 2012

Time Flies

This morning I realized that Jacob has now spent more than half of his life in our new house.  Meaning the house that he spent the first 18 months of his life in is now officially less significant than our current house.  It's hard to believe we've been here for nearly two years.  I looked back at the blog from two years ago, and my February posts were seriously lacking...probably because I was too busy packing (and worrying about packing).  Jacob was sick and I can tell that we were generally stressed out.  The move was such a big deal, and now two years later we're pleasantly settled, though we haven't done much to the house in the time we've been there to make it ours.  The good news of that, however, is that it means we bought a house that fit our needs and tastes pretty well, and that's such an awesome thing.  Not having house stress like we had with our old house (ugly kitchen, a lot of expensive projects on tap) has been a godsend. 

Because our old house is pretty much on the path to and from daycare (it's off the most direct path, but not by much), periodically I turn down our old street and go by it.  It's rare that I see much of anything going on there.  The blinds are always closed so all I can see at night is maybe the dining room light shining through the window on the front door.  They've added solar lights along the one side of the house (no idea why) and they hacked the crap out of the lilac bush.  It needed it, mind you, but I could never bring myself to really do it because you risk blooms when you do that.  They do Christmas lights, too, but that's pretty much all I've seen in the way of outdoor signs of life.  Anyway, I went by it this morning and got to thinking about how it was Jacob's first house, with his first bedroom.  Based on my feelings after going to that open house a couple weeks ago, I don't miss it, really.  But I get wistful, and I get a little sad when I think about how Jacob won't remember it.  And that's when it hit me that our current house has been his house for longer than the other one, the only house he'd known for the first 21 months of his life.  Now he's had 23 months in the new one.  That just floored me a bit.

For the longest time, I looked back at pictures from when we were first in this house and Jacob looked like a big boy.  I mean, he was walking and talking at that point (not a lot, but enough) so he was decidedly out of the full-on baby stage, but all of a sudden, now I look back at those pictures and see how much of a baby he still was compared to the real big boy he is now.  And yes, I realize that two years down the road I'll look back at now and say the same thing.  It's getting harder and harder to wrap my brain around the fact that the tiny baby that joined our family 44 months ago is now this real person we can have conversations with and who can dress himself and who wears underwear most of the time.  How can baby Jacob and big Jacob possibly be the same person?  How did he just do that?  I often joke with him about who gave him permission to grow up, but there's a thinly veiled truth there...that while we want him to grow, it's beyond comprehension how it all actually happens.  I still can't believe that two little cells combined once upon a time, and over four years later we have this little boy that looks like us and has all these functioning body parts that are all in the right places...and aside from providing general care to keep him alive, his body did that all by itself.  If that doesn't make you think long and hard about God's existence, nothing will.  Not just chance, people.

I can't get over how time flies sometimes.  Of course, right now part of me hopes that time goes quickly so we can get back to babymaking, but another part of me knows I need to stop wishing away time.  I need to stop wishing we could skip ahead to another phase, another activity, another season, another baby...and just appreciate all I have right now.  And a lot of the time, I do.  But when I look back at the past, viewing pictures or pondering memories, I marvel at the journey we've been on.  And I can't help but eagerly anticipate the good changes that could come in the future.  When you see a baby grow into an amazing child, you can't help but want to watch it happen again.  But for now we'll make the most of what we have...and that alone is a lot. 

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