The 'Cuse

So, we had a busy weekend.  I guess busy is usually good because it also generally means fun and eventful...and that was certainly the case.  However, I'm heading into another brutal week of work and I have caught Jacob's cold, so perhaps rest would have been better...but in the end, I suppose it was all worth it.

Saturday we went to Syracuse.  Despite the fact that Craig went to Syracuse for grad school, I had never been there.  The boys went last year when my college roommate Mary came to visit, and it was for the same thing we went to this year--alumni lacrosse games.  I was actually excited to go to the Carrier Dome, since I've seen it so much here and there (from afar).  It was a pretty limited audience for this event, but I can only imagine what it's like when it's full and rockin'!  We were pretty much there because Craig wanted to interview a few Knighthawks' players who were participating.

Jacob barely napped on the way up, but other than having ants in his pants for a good portion of the time we were there, he was pretty good.  He did well with the potty and didn't stray too far from where we were sitting.  He did take one little spill down a couple steps where we were sitting because he wasn't watching where he was going, but other than a lot of crying, he was fine.  He kept asking to wear a different pair of shorts (his Nike shorts) and really just wanted to go play lacrosse, but all in all I can't complain.  I was getting fidgety too, to be honest!  The game lasted so long that Craig even decided to just interview one guy who played in the earlier, less formal game (the one we watched was the current team vs. the most talented alumni) rather than stay through the end to get the guys he ideally wanted.  Still, it was cool to see.  I couldn't help but wonder if we'll be among the ranks of the very-obvious parental supporters for something like this in another 15-18 years.  For some reason seeing the real deal made it just a little more realistic in my mind.  I'll be proud of Jacob regardless of what sport(s) he ends up playing, though.

I got a couple pictures of Jacob while we were hanging out, and while they're both similar, I like 'em both for different reasons.

Doesn't he look like such a big boy here?  Holy cow that freaked me out!  Maybe it's just the new sneaks.

He's actually looking at the camera and smiling.  A real smile.  Amazing how that works.

In the end the game lasted so long that walking around the campus didn't work out, as we were eager to grab some dinner and get on the road back home. We did drive around a bit, and it was interesting to see things around campus. The kids, of course, look younger than ever. The reality of the fact that one year of their education is more than pretty much my entire college education combined boggled my mind a bit. I mean, that's a lot of money, a lot of debt, and a lot of pressure to make good use of that degree.  However, I can't help but wonder if the students themselves realize the situation they're in.  Regardless, it underscored the fact that Jacob either needs to get a fantastic scholarship or he should attend a state school.

The campus itself was interesting. There was a mix of classic older buildings and fancy new ones, all in a city street setting (at least, the area we were in). It was sometimes hard to tell what was an academic building vs. a residental building. It was a far cry from Geneseo, where all the academic buildings are basically in one big cluster around a couple grassy quads, and the dorms are all clustered on the outskirts in a few distinct areas.  No cars, no streets...just a few simple paths.  In case I wasn't already, that sure made me grateful for my college experience, where I just had to note the locations of a handful of buildings on a simple campus map...because God knows the college experience was enough of a change/challenge that I didn't need "finding my next class" to be a lesson in city street navigation as well.

We finished off the trip with a gluttonous visit to Cici's Pizza, which you may remember from our trip to the NLL All-Star Game in the spring and our detour through Erie on our return trip from Pittsburgh last summer. And of course, the was also that fantastic, bottomless-pit-while-pregnant visit when we went to Orlando in December 2007. That was the BEST. No, it's not the highest quality pizza, but it's still good and the variety is a nice change of pace.  And Jacob eats for only 99 cents, so that's cool too...even if he did eat enough to more than justify the price.

We had an uneventful drive home with the boys watching movies in the back seat and me catching up on some of the new, free music I added to my iPod over the past couple weeks from a couple sites that offer free downloads of independent artists or sneak peek songs from established artists.  It was a peaceful night that ended with the usual Jacob tantrum at bedtime, but all in all, it wasn't a bad day. 

We ended up having a spur-of-the-moment-ish fun Sunday, which I'll report on soon :)

Memories...

Today my co-worker's water broke at work.  She's a month early.  Her baby was measuring big, so assuming his lungs are adequately developed, everything should be fine.  It was a big surprise, of course, particularly considering her office shower was just last Thursday.  Needless to say it was a bit of an unorthodox afternoon in the office, and there was much reminiscing about our own experiences in the water-breaking, labor-surviving world. 

It brought back a lot of memories, that's for sure.  My fluid started leaking 12 days before my due date, and even that was a shock.  I can't imagine how my friend was feeling as she hurriedly gathered up her stuff and headed out, a month ahead of schedule.  In addition, she had an hour drive to the doctor, as she lives quite a ways outside the city and her doctor is even beyond that.  I was lucky enough to have some time to kill in the city between my doctor's appointment and getting the go-ahead to go to the hospital, enough time to clear a few more things off my desk and make sure everything was good to go for my absence. 

I will apparently never live that little stop down, as it came up today and people still I think I was nuts to be there.  But here's the deal--there was no sense going all the way home, only to get the imminent call to drive 20 minutes back to the city, so it just made sense to go somewhere in the city.  And it sounded like a good idea to take a few minutes to go to the office and clear some things up.  It wasn't ideal since I was leaking fluid and all, but it's not like I was in active labor.  And a little peace of mind goes a long way. 

I pondered the hours she had ahead of her, maybe the beginning of contractions or getting started on pitocin, lots of pain, and eventually holding her sweet little boy in her arms.  I remembered the nervous excitement and reality setting in that this was really going to happen, one way or another.  I didn't have a birth plan other than just going with the flow and trusting my doctor. I've done a lot of reading in the years that followed, and I think I want to be a little more active in deciding how I want to give birth next time.  However, I'm well aware that things don't always go as planned and next time things may end up quite the same.  God knows that no matter how much I'd like to avoid drugs so I can push more efficiently next time, I know how early the pain got to me, and it was painful enough even with the drugs...so I really have no illusions that I'll make it anywhere without them.  Passing out and puking don't work too well in the middle of childbirth, so I don't think I have many other options.  Still, it would be nice to be up and walking, or try out the tub thing that so many women say works wonders, but both of those things weren't options while being induced thanks to all the monitoring.  I think I'd also like to try laboring on all fours or using a squatting bar, rather than on my back, but I have no idea how that would go over. 

Of course, this is all assuming I ever get pregnant again, which seems like a more difficult prospect every day.  My body is still very, very confused, maybe even more than last time.  Here I thought I had left myself plenty of time to get on track and maybe even aim for an earlier due date than last time, but...nope.  Even if things were to magically work out (much like last time) within the next couple weeks, I'd be lucky to be looking at a similar timeline as last time.  And that's assuming all goes well.  There are no guarantees in any of this, and I think the complete and utter uncertainty of pregnancy is one of the things that's easy to forget once you're more focused on worrying about the very real, very tangible little human that suddenly appeared in your world.  Those nine months of worrying pale in comparison to worrying for the rest of your life once they're in the outside world, where the stakes are so much higher.  For all the amazement that comes with pregnancy, there's a boatload of worry, too.  And it starts even before the two lines pop up on the pregnancy test.

I'm still not freaking out, but I'm quite annoyed and wondering at which point I give up trying to figure it out myself and call the doctor.  Most likely I won't have a major issue getting pregnant if things get back on track, but again, no guarantees.  But assuming that's the case, it's probably fine to ask for a little help.  All I can do is call.  It all worked out last time and it probably will this time, too...and as I've said before, it's all about trusting in God's perfect timing.  It's never failed me before, and it won't now. 

So, anyway, it was an interesting day.  Lots of unexpected reminiscing and hopefully some good news to look forward to in the morning...

Weekend Review

Despite the fact that it was a rainy, miserable, cold weekend, we managed to keep ourselves occupied and have some fun.  Friday's night's movie night (per my last post) wasn't exactly ideal, but in retrospect I take some solace in the fact that he probably didn't bother other people too much with his antics.  Much preferred to the screaming child or something worse, you know?

Saturday was a pretty low key day.  It was so awful outside that there wasn't much reason to leave the house.  I spent a good chunk of the morning sorting through Jacob's clothes, doing the much-dreaded every-few-month try-on to see which things from last season still fit.  I cleared out enough space in his closet to put in the new/hand-me-down stuff for the fall, and as the weather officially cools, I'll take out the rest of the summer stuff and stow it away until next spring's try-on session.  I also did a bit of work on my own closet, taking out the sleeveless stuff and selecting a few things for donation that I either haven't worn in ages and won't wear again, either due to style changes or (more often) my post-pregnancy belly that won't quite go away.  It's pleasantly freeing but it's still a bit of a melancholy process because it either feels wasteful or sad when the clothes no longer work for me.  I also worked on getting out the Halloween decorations and made a fantastic dinner--this really great creamy chicken casserole we fell in love with when someone gave us a batch during the week my grandma passed away.

We needed to go out to pick up milk anyway, and I had noticed that the coupon I had set aside for Jacob's Halloween costume expired that day, so we decided to head out in the evening to get Jacob's costume.  After originally insisting that he wanted to be a ghost, at some point in the last few weeks he settled on Batman.  As you may recall, he started on this Batman kick after the Labor Day long weekend trip with Craig's family when he saw some Batman DVDs and got Batman pajamas.  He now requests to be called Batman ("I'm not Jacob, I'm Batman!") and refers to Craig as "Robin".  Since he seems to be pretty deeply entrenched and Craig is fueling it (the weekend viewings of the old school Batman TV show on this new channel we have were among his fuel), I figured we could take the risk to buy the costume this early.  The coupon made it within my threshold, though not nearly as cheap as the few bucks we spent last year on his fire helmet (he already had received the jacket as a gift).  So much for attempting to make it through his childhood without a major branded obsession.  At least it's one that's stood the test of time, right?

So, off we went to Party City, where I had a $10 coupon and had pinpointed an acceptable costume.  There are many preschooler Batman costumes out there, but most of them are pretty odd looking.  Admittedly, so is the one we ended up with, but I think ours is exaggerated enough that you laugh more than thinking how pathetically store-bought it is.  We tried it on Jacob before we left, and I couldn't even get the mask on without laughing.  Once I got the mask on, I had tears.  So funny.  In a good way.

Check out the six pack!

Too cute!!

Now if we could just get him to stop asking to wear it.  I don't trust its durability and I am NOT buying another one if this one rips while he's messing around in it.

Sunday we met my parents at their friends' house out in Victor (east side of Rochester), where their daughter Laurie was visiting with her two kids.  You may remember them from our last day of vacation, when the boys got to play and I got to hold her new little girl.  Our parents had just returned from two weeks together in Alaska, and it was my first time seeing my parents in over a month, which is a pretty long stretch for us.  Colin was very excited to see Jacob, and the boys got right to playing...

One big McQueen, one small McQueen...the big one had to be shaken up and then it took off very fast!  They got in a pretty good groove taking turns, since the second shake-n-go car (Mater) was losing his battery power.

Eventually playtime headed to the basement, and they continued to have fun...

Puzzles...

Togetherness in the car!

They even set up a "gas pump" for the car, using an unplugged shop vac...

Fill 'er up!

They played very well together.  As usual there were a handful of sharing issues but they were very well-controlled.  They still did some parallel play, but that's to be expected since their interests are a little different overall.  Jacob was completely happy to throw a soft football to anyone who would play with him, though he probably got more than he bargained for when Colin tackled him!  They were both good sports, though, and in the meantime the moms got to chat about the joys of three year olds...potty training, ill-fitting pants (tiny waists, long legs), and tantrums.

I got to hold sweet little Kelly for a while, and later on I hung out next to her spot on the floor while she contentedly stared up at the baby gym.  Oh, how I miss that age, where they smile at your goofy faces and lay there completely content, unable to roll or crawl away.  I know there's a lot of hard stuff that goes along with that age, but she was just so sweet...and I even caught a smile!

urprised at how functional he was while we were there.  By the end, though, I could tell he was starting to crack.  We snapped one last picture of the boys, and then headed out...

Such big boys!  They're almost exactly the same height, despite how it looks here.  Let me tell you, they're both a far cry from our first visit!

We got in the car a little before 6:30, planning to go home, have some dinner, and meet up with Craig, who'd spent the afternoon at a lacrosse tournament.  Jacob fell asleep by the time I hit the end of the driveway (it was a longer than average one, but still!), and barely woke up when we got home.  I plopped him on the couch to get myself settled, but when I went to try to wake him up, he just snuggled into the couch more.  I left him for a bit and tried again a little later, but again, no dice.  Craig snuggled up to him at one point, but I decided that we really needed to do something--namely, get him up to his room and see if that woke him up--since normally the second he hits his bed, he decides he wants to be awake--or if he was really down for the count, despite not eating dinner.  He settled right into his bed and I left him just like I would at bedtime, but fully expecting him to wake up at a really inopportune time in the middle of the night.  Right before I went to bed (early--just in case we had a long night ahead of us), I changed him out of his jeans and into his pajama pants to make sure he'd be comfortable.  He slept right through that, too.  I was still convinced he'd wake up in the middle of the night or really early in the morning, so off to bed I went.  But sure enough, I didn't hear a peep out of him until just before 7am!  He slept nearly 12-1/2 hours!  Normally he sleeps about 10-1/2, no matter when he goes to bed.  I was hoping all that sleep would deliver us a perfectly sweet child, but no...he was perhaps more difficult than usual.  Other than dinner, that is.  He inhaled his dinner, which doesn't surprise me one bit considering his missed meal last night. 

So, yeah...crazy weekend, but really good.  It was nice to see my parents as well as the Dohertys/McDonoughs, and I feel happy knowing that we got Jacob's costume in case we want to take advantage of any pre-Halloween events, like the one at our zoo that we're always missing because I'm figuring out his costume at the last minute.  The weather was a tough reminder that winter will be here all too soon and we'll be stuck inside (or freezing outside) for months, but at least I got a jump on that too by organizing clothes.  On to another week--ridiculously busy at work yet again--and at least one adventure to look forward to this weekend!

At least he's consistent...

Well, if there's one thing Jacob is good at, it's finding ways to ruin much-hyped activities.  From our mini golf experience to our summer vacation, the higher the expectations, the more frustrating he tends to be.  Whether that is more about him or just our disappointment talking, I'm not sure.  But it makes it hard to make plans for something fun when you have an inkling that he's going to choose that exact moment to be difficult.  On one hand, what's the point of doing fun things?  On the other hand, he's going to have to learn how to be cooperative at some point so we might as well attempt things when opportunities arise and hope for the best.

Tonight we decided to take Jacob to his first movie theater experience.  He's done the drive-in a couple times before with mixed results, but the last time was over a year ago.  Craig is a big movie person and he's been practically begging to take Jacob for months.  I wanted to be there for his first time and I refused to go when the weather was beautiful, since we have a long winter of cold, crappy weather ahead of us that needs to be filled by inside activities. 

Tonight the weather was crappy and Cars 2 was up at the cheap theater.  I'm not sure if Jacob has ever seen all of the first one (I've only seen bits and pieces), but it's more about the experience than the movie at this age.  We had to pick up McDonald's and eat on the way to make it in time, but we finally did.  He was pretty good for the first half of the movie.  He ate his popcorn (his favorite) and talked a bit, but there were a lot of kids so he fit right in.  He was a little fidgety but it was tolerable.  Then suddenly halfway through the movie he just got frustrating.  He had to go potty once, but then he was moving around in his seat, sitting on our laps momentarily, taking off his shoes and socks, turning around in his seat, and headbutting the seat.  It got to be very distracting and really annoying.  Luckily, I don't think he was particularly distracting to anyone else, and his behavior was probably pretty age-appropriate overall, but it was frustrating nonetheless. 

Why he doesn't understand that his behavior means we won't be back for a while, I'm not sure.  Apparently he can't help himself, but you'd think one of these times when he misbehaves he'll remember that it comes with consequences.  It wasn't intolerable, but it just makes me wonder (again) why we bother doing fun things.  On the bright side, the movie was cute.  And at the beginning of it, Jacob seemed to really like it.  The Toy Story short at the beginning was actually pretty awesome, and he had this big grin on his face for that.  If only that utter joy could have stayed the whole time. 

So, long story short, another "first" in the books.  One of these days it will go well and his excitement won't be tarnished by his stubborn dark side.  Someday. 

Just the beginning...

As I mentioned on Friday, Jacob got his first real sports equipment upon Craig's arrival home.  He got a real lacrosse stick, a helmet, and the most ridiculously adorable tiny gloves.  Of course, he loves the stuff. 

He loves it enough that I've decided to use it as a bribe to get him potty trained.  He's been having a ton of accidents recently and I'm starting to think he just doesn't care.  So...if he stays dry, he can play with his stuff.  If not, it stays put away.  I've known people who have used items like that--our friend used her son's goalie mask, and my roommate's parents used a special Thundercats sword for her brother.  Worth a shot, anyway.  He may still not be quite ready physically, but we'll judge it as we go along.

Case in point, our trip to the library on Saturday.  Craig went to Buffalo to spend a day with his family, so Jacob and I spent the day together.  When he woke up from his nap, we headed out to a new library near us.  There was a book there I was dying to read, and I figured it would be nice to get some new variety in Jacob's bedtime book rotation.  We got there and Jacob amused himself on this cool computer thing (embedded in a Little Tikes desk!) while I browsed the picture book shelves for books for him.  I found six great ones rather quickly, and then Jacob and I sat down to put together some of the cool puzzles they had.  In the middle of it I noticed that he was doing a bit of a "stutter step" but when I asked him if he had to go, he said no.  Not 10 seconds later, he was like, "Mommy, I peed."  We ran across the library to the bathroom and it was a really good thing I had spare undies in my purse.  I changed him (luckily the shorts survived thanks to the plastic pants), and we checked out quick before heading off to a sorely-needed haircut for him and a couple more quick stops after that.  On the second stop he said that he had to go again, so we ran down the plaza to Wegmans.  He had had a bit of an accident again, but at that point it was either a pull-up or damp undies.  He didn't seem phased so for the five more minutes we had to be out, undies it was.  Bad, I know.  I figured maybe it would convince him that he didn't want to feel like that, but I'm a little worried he's just getting used to it now.  I guess this is the dark side of having a baby that didn't freak out despite a wet diaper.  And here I thought we caught a break with that one.  Darn.

Sunday Jacob and Craig headed out to a lacrosse camp at a local country club.  The Knighthawks put it on and although the kids were older than Jacob, Craig was encouraged to bring him.  So, off they went, which was great because it gave me a little free time--I finished up a ton of yard work and then did some running around to finish off my "Mom bag" purchase.  I decided I needed a new wallet because my old one was just too small but my purse was never big enough for a bigger one.  It took a few tries to find one I really liked that worked, but I'm happy with my purchase and it was nice to have the time to get it done.  Meanwhile...

He's looking in a ball collector thing on the driving range where the clinic was held

As usual with most much-hyped activities, Jacob had some rather frustrating moments.  He freaked out about little stuff, but he got through it.  He even happened to repeat something he learned at the clinic at one point in the last couple days.  It was a small step, but perhaps the first one in a long line of sporting endeavors.  

We were hoping to take step two in signing him up for tee-ball for next summer, but it appears he turns four a couple months too late.  There are other non-league programs we can try to do instead, but it's a bit of a shame as he's probably every bit as good as kids much older than him.  He could probably use some "teamwork" training as much as anything, so hopefully we can find a good setup for that next summer.  I must say I'm a bit relieved to have a year's reprieve on the hardcore little league stuff, particularly because I'm still hoping to be in new baby mode by then and that might have been a crazy schedule to keep.  No guarantees, of course, but it crossed my mind.

It truly is just the beginning, though...

Photo Friday

To lighten the mood a bit after my post yesterday, I figured I'd share a few random pictures from the last week. 

Here's Jacob at the birthday party we went to on Sunday...

Superstar in the making?  Or the next Elton John?

While the other kids were doing bubbles, Jacob was insisting on playing football in the house.  While the other kids were playing games, Jacob finally discovered the bubbles.  Here he is with one of those huge bubble wands.  I love seeing genuine joy on his face instead of his oh-so-frustrating cheese face...

He insisted on layering his Oregon State jersey (Christmas gift from the Portland contingent!) over his Bills track suit.  It was way too warm for that, but whatever...

Last night when I went in to check on Jacob, this is what I found:

Out cold!

He always has quite a menagerie in there with him, and I try to build them up along the sides so he still has sleeping room and won't fall out.  But apparently last night he piled them up at one end and decided they made a good pillow.  I took this picture in the dark and I don't think he even flinched.

This morning he got up and changed out of one pair of pajamas into another pair of pajamas...because today was pajama day at daycare.  He'd been begging to wear his new Batman jammies all week (got them on the trip to Delaware), but I kept telling him that I knew he'd be begging to wear them Friday, so he couldn't wear them ahead--too much risk of peeing on them in the middle of the night (yes, even with a diaper).  Finally, Friday morning arrived and on they went:

Have I mentioned that Jacob wants to be referred to as Batman now?  Yep, he's going through that phase.  He's really into the Imaginext Batman toys at daycare, and he got to watch some old Batman movies on that Delaware trip.  Craig is doing his part to encourage the interest, as well.  Not sure how I feel about that, but so far it's manageable.  He's been saying funny things lately as Batman....you know, like stuff about going to the Batcave and riding in the Batcopter and stuff.  Silly boy.

In other news, Jacob's cut on his face is healing nicely.  We have an appointment with his dermatologist Monday (general follow-up from his mole removal) and I'm going to ask if we should use any sort of scar cream (Mederma) to help it along even more.  It may heal fine on its own, but I'm not sure if I want to take that chance.  I also need to ask her thoughts on tiny freckle-ish moles that he's developed in the past six months or so.  They're not nearly as menacing as the one he had removed, so I'm pretty sure they're harmless and natural (I have a ton), but if she has any indication that they might grow and/or become an issue, I'm wondering if they're still small enough to remove quickly and generally painlessly in her office (though a squirmy child could again be an issue) before they get to be big enough to leave a major scar or cause further trouble.  I worry more about the ones on his face, mostly because I've always been self-conscious of the one between my mouth and nose and would like to spare Jacob any potential angst.  We shall see.

Potty training has been a bit of a hit-or-miss proposition, and I'm not referring to his ability to stand and pee (though that is coming along a bit--though not at our house yet).  Some days he's perfect, some days he dribbles, and some days (like yesterday) he has a pretty hardcore accident that not even his plastic pants can contain.  I know you're not supposed to freak out when stuff like that happens, but I did.  It's hard not to when your fully capable child puts off going, then stands at the top of your carpeted stairs and pees, rather than using that valuable time to at least make a run for the potty.  The carpet didn't suffer much damage this time, but still, it's frustrating.  And yet...this morning one of Jacob's buddies (who finally joined him in the three-year-old room this week) and his mom walked in with a big box of diapers and I came to the realization that we're not doing too badly if I only have to send in a handful of pull-ups (one per day for use at naptime) and I'm only buying diapers once in a great while.  We use one at bedtime, one at naptime on weekends, and maybe a couple more in the event that we need to go somewhere involving no bathrooms or lengthy travel.  Not bad.  But still, it would be nice to be done.

Other than that, not much to report.  Jacob is going to his first lacrosse camp (with Craig) on Sunday, so that should be interesting.  Craig came home with Jacob's first real equipment--gloves, helmet, real(ish) stick--and I'm trying not to ask what it cost.  That stuff is going to be the least of our worries for the next 15-18 years.  It's not like he's going to get sick of lacrosse since he's already been into it for so long, but I just have to brace myself for the beginning of the onslaught of sports.  It's coming.  Tee ball registration is in a few weeks, after all.  Ugh.

Off to bed now...the weekend awaits...

Then and Now

It's been a while since I last covered this topic in depth, but in case you were wondering, Project Baby #2 is still a go...but it's still pretty much stuck in the mud.  Again.  I'm coming to understand that my body apparently doesn't like being off birth control, but as much as things are the same as last time, some things are just a bit different...

Then: I ended birth control with little regard for how long it might take to get on track.
Now: I ended birth control with what I carefully calculated to be plenty of time to get back on track...and yet, here I am facing a bit of a time crunch.  Originally I wanted to aim for an earlier due date than last time, but now, even if we get pregnant on the first "real" attempt (assuming things ever get straightened out--see below), we'll probably be on about the same schedule. 
Both times: Apparently God's timing wins out over everything else.

Then: I waited five weeks for my first cycle after getting off birth control, then never got another period before getting pregnant out of the blue.
Now: I waited over six weeks for my first cycle...and seven weeks after that I'm still waiting for my second.  I've tried ovulation predictors here and there, but if I were to try to do them every day in the supposed middle of my cycle, I might go broke just buying those.
Both Times: I'm getting really sick of waiting for it to show up, if only just for practicality purposes of planning my wardrobe around appropriate underwear/preventative measures.

Then: I obsessed over the whole process constantly.  It ran through my mind all the time and constantly made me just a little crazier.  I have a feeling that stress might have been contributing to our problems.  Eventually the process went on for so long that I couldn't think about it all the time, and once I eased up, it just happened...coincidence or not.
Now: It runs through my head mostly when I go to the bathroom and see, yet again, that nothing's happening.  I'm not really stressing out this time, but it is getting a little annoying.
Both Times: The waiting game is a tough one.  It's extra hard not knowing what's happening when, and trying to decide when it makes sense to do an ovulation test or even a pregnancy test, just to get some idea of what might be happening. 

Then: I had no idea what the problem was.  Was my cycle messed up?  Was I infertile?  Did I have another health problem?  Were we just not trying at the right times?  At the same time, any diversion from my body's usual behavior was a surefire sign of pregnancy...which then turned into a surefire health issue once a pregnancy test came back negative.  When I finally did get pregnant and didn't know it, I was so tired.  I had pretty much given up hope of getting pregnant and was so confused when the ovulation-stimulating drug I took didn't seem to work.  I was ready to call my regular doctor to see why I was so tired, but decided to take a pregnancy test just to rule it out beforehand.  Sure enough, positive. 
Now: I've had a couple pieces of circumstantial evidence, but for the most part I've kept a much more level head this time around.  I'm more likely to blame it on a more realistic reason.  If I do blame anything on a potential pregnancy, I'm well aware that it's probably more wishful thinking than anything.
Both Times: Random body oddities still sometimes get me wondering.  If I'm extra tired, feel a little crampy twinge, or notice something really off, I can't help but wonder if it's pregnancy hormones.  Lately I've been losing hair like crazy, which I've mostly decided is post-birth control hormone regulation, much like women lose hair a couple months after birth due to hormones.  Regardless, both times it's been just one big question mark.

Long story short, I find it interesting that we're going through this same waiting game again.  It's easier this time, I think, since I know it had happy ending last time.  We have Jacob, and if that's all we're meant to have, that's not the worst thing in the world.  It would be sad, but not the end of the world. 

But it's frustrating and I find myself wondering at what point I call the doctor.  They'll probably want blood work, and if all is normal, they'll probably order up the same stuff I had last time--the drug meant to induce ovulation that I ended up not even needing.  Part of me feels like that's cheating, but on the other side of the coin, I hate having to wonder for weeks on end when my period is coming.  That alone is annoying, let alone the whole pregnancy aspect.  I keep telling myself that it will happen when the time is right, so I'm trying to remain level-headed about the whole thing.  What's the fun of going through this process if it isn't a bit of a journey?  I hope it's a nice pleasant journey, not too long and with a lovely destination...but a bit of an adventure nonetheless.