The Ways Pregnancy is Like Having a Child

Now that I have a child, I'm starting to really realize that pregnancy prepares you for parenthood in weird little ways.  In some cases it prepares you for the early days, and in others it prepares you more for toddlerhood and the preschool era.  Nevertheless, I don't think I realized the first time around how similar pregnancy and parenthood can be.

• Sleep deprivation - Obviously sleep deprivation is worse with a newborn or sick or teething child than at any other time, but even pregnancy makes sleep a valuable commodity.  I wake up at least a couple times each night, usually at least once to pee and another time due to some odd dream.  It always takes me a bit to get comfortable again.  No matter how early I go to bed (let's not get crazy--I do have things to do in the evening, so 10:30 is about as good as it gets), I still wake up tired.  I know it will only get worse from here, though.  On a related note, early nights are a side effect of both situations, as well.  You don't get out much at night with a baby, and I'm too tired to be that adventurous while pregnant.  My body lets me know pretty emphatically when I have stayed up too late.
• Picky eaters - Kids are infamous picky eaters, but right now I'd add that label to myself.  It's probably a little less now than it was about a month ago, but I still have moments where nothing sounds good and my ability to eat is sketchy.  It is very hard to pick out a dinner option when everything sounds gross.  And when I do eat, I'm either instantly full or realize too late that I ate too much.  It makes eating in general a tough proposition.  I just don't know what food is going to work and what isn't.
• Snacking - On the other side of the coin, early on I literally had to eat every couple hours or I'd be crazy nauseous.  It didn't have to be much, but I needed something in my stomach or I was absolutely miserable.  After a while even eating didn't help the nausea, but if I didn't eat I'd get crazy hunger pangs on top of it, so that was pretty miserable, too.  It's just like having kids--I have to have snacks available at all times.
• Thinking about what we're eating - When you have a baby who's starting to eat solids, you're extra conscious about what you're feeding them.  You only want to give them the best, purest food.  You keep sugar and processed crap to a minimum, and pay extra attention to allergens that might trigger a reaction.  During pregnancy, there's always that whole "eating for two" thing, which is a fallacy.  There are times when I take some extra liberties--knowing this is the one time that I can probably deal with a few extra calories without gaining a ton of weight--but I still think a little more about what I'm putting into my body.  I'm trying to eat fruits, vegetables, and things without artificial sweeteners or high fructose corn syrup.  I don't always succeed, but at least I'm thinking about it.  I also think twice about nuts, since there are mixed study results out there about whether eating nuts while pregnant impacts a baby's chance to have an allergy.  I also just read that a mother's high fat diet during pregnancy can lead to increased risk for things like breast cancer for not just her daughter, but for the next generation as well.  Scary.
• Carrying around a little extra weight - Parenthood usually brings with it some extra weight, be it from pregnancy itself, or having less time to eat right or work off what's there.  Pregnancy changes the body regardless of weight, too.  I may have weighed less than I did in years, since before I got pregnant (nursing aside--the weight loss there was crazy), but my stomach never did look quite like it did prior to Jacob.  Add in the fact that once you have a kid you spend half your time carrying (or dragging) a small child, not to mention all of their gear, and life is a weighed down world once you have a kid.  Pregnancy just adds to the fun, since these first few months just feel like I've put on an extra ten pounds (even though I haven't...my clothes just fit that way), and as it goes on I'll just start feeling like a whale.  The moment you realize you can no longer stand up from sitting on the floor in one try or easily flip over in bed is quite a bummer.  Trying to squeeze through tight spaces (like between two cars' side mirrors) and realizing you can't also stinks.  That happens, too, when you're carrying a live baby and their stuff, so it's all just preparation for the months to come.
• Life revolving around a bathroom - Any potty training parent knows the exact location of all bathrooms nearby.  And so do all pregnant women.  I'm already visiting the bathroom at work an average of four times per day.  I absolutely have to go before I leave work, or I'm sprinting into the house after daycare pickup because I have to go so bad.  Heck, I still do that even when I do go at work.  Jacob's pretty well potty trained (daytime at least...night might kill me if it lasts much longer), but I'm still pretty in tune with bathroom locations anyway, which works out well for both of us these days.  But when we have to find them, it has to happen fast
• Getting beaten up - Not gonna lie, when Jacob gets ticked, it's not uncommon for that kid to try hitting or kicking.  It's unfortunate and it's something we're working on, but suffice it to say that I've taken some shots here and there.  I've taken my fair share of unintentional shots, too.  I am pretty sure my crooked septum is the result of a couple head shifts from Jacob.  And don't even ask Craig about what Jacob's done to him far too many times!  Hopefully soon, however, I'll be getting some internal kicks instead.  Those, of course, I look forward to.  I know it's not always pleasant, but I long for good, consistent movement in there because it's a reminder that the baby's there and it's confirmation that he or she is doing well. 
• Frequent doctor visits - In the middle of winter I feel like I'm at the doctor's office all the time with Jacob.  He's usually got something worth getting checked every month or two, and if you add in specialist appointments, it's even worse.  Of course now I'm going to the doctor once a month, plus there's always the random ultrasound appointment, bloodwork, etc.  And once this baby is born, we'll start up the frequent visits to the pediatrician as well, followed by the same frequent sick visits that we've done with Jacob.  Oh, the joy of two kids in a school setting who share germs with each other, too.
• Worrying about every little thing - When you're pregnant, every little oddity that happens with your body makes you wonder what's going on.  You worry about everything.  It's the same thing with kids.  Every little thing that happens with them can be cause for concern, leading to random calls to the doctor and sleepless nights all around.  You never stop worrying once you get pregnant, apparently.  It just goes on and on as long as you and your children walk the earth. 

There are probably so many more that I'm not even thinking about right now.  But there's no doubt--pregnancy is all about preparing you for parenthood, and I didn't realize just how much until I did both at the same time.

Letters to Baby #8 - July 28, 2012

Dear baby-to-be,

It has been a rough week.  The exhaustion and nausea are really getting difficult to deal with.  The nausea is almost constant now, and while food used to help it, even that doesn't work these days.  I haven't gotten physically sick (never did last time either), but this time I feel like the urge is worse and more frequent.  Last time I do remember thinking that the wrong scent could have put me over the edge, but it never did.  This time I don't have a sense of smell (long story—lost it a few years back, hopefully once you're here I can try some new things to get it back), which is probably a good thing for now because I really think that could do me in.  I don't remember having a real aversion to anything last time, but this time, it's black beans.  I've never loved them, but learned to tolerate them recently (much easier without a sense of taste!) and I had a burrito with them a while back that didn't sit well, and ever since the mere thought of them has been a problem.  It's so weird, so illogical, but that's how it goes.  I'm also having itchy skin and some chills/hot flashes that are probably all hormone-related, so overall it just feels like I have no control over my body.  It makes it hard to get through a work week feeling so yucky, but I figure that I've got three bad weeks to go and then it should start getting better.  I'm eight weeks along today (so, 1/5th of the way through), and I think the nausea started to lay off around 11 weeks last time.  Of course, at that point we headed off to Florida, so the good weather and distractions of Disney may have helped with that!  This time I'll have my birthday to look forward to, but it will also signal the end of summer.  On the bright side, that will be the time when we can really start telling people, and hopefully I can really start enjoying this experience then, once I'm not feeling the effects all the time.

In the meantime, I guess I should take the nausea as good news that all is still well.  I should be enjoying still being skinny.  Of course, my workouts have been a bit lacking—both in quantity and quality.  I worked out up through 7-1/2 months last time, and I'd like to do that again.  But I haven't had the time or energy to work out more than once a week lately, and what's worse, I haven't been able to run.  I know my time to do that is limited as it is (makes me nervous enough now), but I'd like to do it for a little while yet.  I've been going to a class at the gym, and that's been a good, hard workout.  I'll do that as long as I can, just like I did last time, and start modifying moves when things start to get too hard or body parts get in the way.  I need all the fitness I can get leading up to delivery, because based on your brother, it's a long, tiring process.  I don't know how I would have gotten through it if I didn't work out as long as I did. 

It's all very hard, but once you're here, it will all be worth it.  So pardon my complaining for a bit, and keep growing in there.  Love you :)

Love,
Mommy

Letters to Baby #7 - July 19, 2012

Dear Baby-to-be,

Today we saw you for the first time! We had our first ultrasound to make sure all was well in there. I wasn't sure what to expect since this was significantly earlier than our first ultrasound last time around. When the ultrasound started, sure enough, there you were! Things were a little hard to make out, but we could definitely see a head, a little body, and a tiny flickering heartbeat. We got to hear your heartbeat, too! It was nice to hear that sound again after all these years. There's nothing better, actually. That was always my favorite part of doctor's appointments last time. It was so funny seeing you for the first time, and hoping it was the first of many millions of moments with you. There's still the fear that it's not you and that will be the only time we see that sweet, tiny baby, but I really hope it's you and you're doing well. You measured perfectly, though. We pretty much know when you were conceived—within a day or two—and your size hit that target perfectly. That was good to see. It could all still mean nothing as we have a long way to go and so much can happen, but it's good to know that so far things seem to be going well.

I'm hoping we get another ultrasound sometime in the next month or two when I switch back to my regular doctor (from the one who helped us along this path), because I'd love to see you again. But, if not, I will gladly wait until the midway point to see you once you have recognizable parts and we can answer the BIG question—whether you're a boy or a girl. Admittedly I'd love a girl to balance things off in our household. I'm better at playing dolls than sports, and girls clothes are SO cute. I'd just like a girl to bond with. I'm grateful for the relationship I have with my mom and treasure the times we spent together. Even though we both hated shopping, those shopping days out together were special. I liked standing on the other side of the counter while she baked. It's not that I can't involve Jacob in activities like that, but I'm just not sure that's his thing and I think I'd have a better shot with a daughter. I also feel like I'd compare my kids less if they were different genders, because we all know boys and girls are inherently different. At the same time, I'm preparing myself for another boy, and trying to focus on the fact that Jacob would love to have a brother, we already have boy stuff (although the seasons will be out of sync for sizes), and I know a little more what to expect with a boy. Aside from the boundless energy, boys are considered easier in the long run. We'll love you either way, but forgive me if it takes a little time to adjust if you're a boy. I'll get there, I swear.

Anyway, it was good to see you today. Stay healthy but take it easy on me. I'm still tired and not feeling great, but today definitely perked me up a bit! Can't wait until next tine!

Love,

Mommy

Letters to Baby #6 - July 16th, 2012

Dear Baby-to-be,

A week into this thing, and I'm not doing so well. I'm really tired, even when I nap. The nausea has been worse than I remember. I remember it being this bad at times, but not all day. I don't get sick, but I feel like seeing the wrong thing at the wrong time could put me over the edge. It's pretty miserable. Worth it in the end, of course, but hard in the meantime. I don't even know what to post as my Facebook status these days because the fact that I feel like crap is overwhelming my thoughts and I can barely think of anything else to say. That sounds so ridiculous, but it's seriously tough to deal with.

It's extra hard to sit at my desk all day without interesting things to keep me distracted. I try to eat when it gets worse, which sometimes helps, but not always. It's just mentally and physically exhausting, and it makes it hard to do anything well. I suddenly feel like I'm failing summer because we didn't do much of anything yesterday on a rare weekend day without plans, and I don't even want to make the effort to go into our pool in the evenings. At the end of the day (and the beginning and middle, too), I'm just tired and low on patience. It's not fair to everyone else, but I'm not quite sure what to do in the meantime. I know this feeling goes away after a while, because I know I wasn't this miserable the whole time last time I was pregnant.

The end of the work day is just a “perfect storm”. I'm tired, my stomach is empty and therefore nauseous, and I have a busy hour or so of leaving work, picking up Jacob, and heading home. From there I need to make dinner, but when my stomach is off and I'm tired, it's hard to choose something to make, let alone make it. I'm not sure how women who have it worse actually function. This is bad enough.

I'm really just eager to tell people, but that's still so long away and I have to suffer in silence until then. I don't really know how I got through this phase last time because I didn't start blogging about my pregnancy until I was through the first trimester. That's part of the reason I'm writing these letters now. It's the best way to remember this time when I can't write about it openly. It feels better to be able to “talk” about it, and right now this is my best option...and the one that will bother the least people, at least for now.

I got another email today that told me you're the size of a lentil bean, about a quarter of an inch long. I don't think you're going to look like more than a blob on the ultrasound on Thursday, but maybe we'll get lucky and you'll be active. The first time I saw Jacob's little arms moving around (at 10 weeks, not 6-1/2), I could barely believe my eyes. Seeing that email made it a tiny bit more real. Of course, it probably won't start feeling really real (despite the obvious effects right now) until I start getting bigger and especially when I start feeling you moving around. Again, that's still a long way off, so I have to push through in the meantime.

There are moments when I wonder why I wanted to go through this again after getting my body back a few years ago, but then I think about how amazing it was to see Jacob be born and grow up, and I know why I wanted to do it again--so badly that I got help to make it happen. It's admittedly a little harder to go through it, knowing this time what can happen and how the end usually goes, but I promise, once I get past this phase, I will be a lot happier and a lot more excited, albeit stressed and a bit overwhelmed with all that's to come. But you are loved and wanted. I just wish it wasn't such a tough road to bring you here since the road after is hard enough!

Time for Mommy to get some sleep and see if it helps me feel better in the morning. Talk to you soon!

Love,

Mommy

Real-Time Update

Hope you've been enjoying my "Letters to Baby" posts.  It's been funny reading back through them and remembering all the different points I was at when I wrote them.  There's still about 10 more to go, I think, and I'll continue to post them when I have nothing else to write about.  But I figured it was time to check in on our current situation, so I'm not looking back down the road saying, "Well, that's great we know what was happening two months earlier, but how were you feeling on that actual day?"

Well, here were are at nearly 15 weeks, as of tomorrow.  For sure now we're less than six months away from the big day, and I feel like I have so much to do.  I know there's time, but I also know how quickly it's going to go, particularly once we hit the holidays and all that.  Normally the wintertime post-holiday goes SLOW, but I have a feeling this year it might not be a problem--unless, of course, I'm feeling like crap and desperate to have this baby already.  Let's hope that's not the case, but the longer I go with slight nausea and the blahs, the more concerned I get.  As a whole things are better, but there are still days when I don't feel great.  Some days I feel almost normal, and others are just hard.  Normally those bad days coincide with lack of sleep, but even today I don't feel particularly fantastic and I went to bed extra early.  I did wake up once at 5am, but I actually fell back to sleep much more quickly and soundly than usual.  It's just a bummer that I can't trust my own body one bit these days.

I've determined that I'm a good 3-4 weeks ahead of where I was last time, belly-wise.  Looking back at the blog, I was having some clothing issues right around the 17-18 week mark, and that seems to be about where I am now.  The weather has complicated things a bit this time, because my summer clothes are even less conducive to camouflaging a belly than my winter stuff.  Very few of my summer bottoms fit right now, so every time the temperature spikes, I'm faced with a dilemma as I stare down my closet in the morning.  I can still do my normal jeans--albeit with a hair tie giving me a little extra breathing room around the waist--and the good news is that more of my clothes are long enough to cover that adjustment this time, since styles changed in the last 4+ years to favor longer shirts.  I have a handful of tops that will get me through this awkward phase, but it'll be nice to get into real maternity stuff with a real belly within the next few weeks (I hope).  Not wishing to be huge, but looking pregnant beats looking fat any day.

I'm already generally more uncomfortable than I remember being last time.  I was in no rush to deliver so things couldn't have been that bad (or was the fear just that intense?), but this time I'm already uncomfortable sitting in certain positions or trying to sleep.  I got back into a stomach-sleeper habit in the last four years, and now I need to break that again.  It's so hard sometimes, especially when my back isn't a valid position either!

Still, I know how lucky I am to be at this point and I am grateful.

Letters to Baby #5 - July 13, 2012

Dear baby-to-be,

Well, we're done with our mini-vacation and we've been back home for a couple days now.  And boy, do I feel awful.  I don't feel awful ALL the time, but most of the time I just feel a little off.  I've been very tired, which has made the last couple days at work very difficult.  I don't like feeling like I have to lay my head on my desk and rest a few minutes...but yet, I have to.  I really have to work on getting to bed earlier!  I've had some minor nausea issues, too.  It seems like if I get too hungry, it gets worse.  So, I am finding myself constantly snacking on something.  I need to get a better plan together so I'm not stuck eating everything in the candy jar on my desk!  I never did get sick last time I was pregnant, but I remember this feeling sticking around for a month or so.  It was hard enough last time, but this time I have your big brother to take care of, too, so reality is definitely setting in a little bit.  Two is going to be different. 

After your brother was born, I remember thinking how much easier it was having him living in my belly, where he pretty much took care of himself.  So...right now it's easier having you in there, and I'm already starting to wonder how I'm going to function when I'm sleep-deprived, physically exhausted, and managing the schedules of two kids, one husband, and my job.  It is scary, but I survived the first time around and I hope I can this time, too.  I have a sneaking suspicion having you around will be worth it.
 
It's hard being exhausted and not feeling great, and not being able to tell anyone why.  Getting through a work day is hard, and I'm trying to be as functional as I can both there and at home.  It's not easy, though, and I worry about how my work might suffer.  I'm also trying to find ways to spend quality time with your brother without having to exert much energy.  Turns out the new iPod I got does a good job of that, since we can cuddle on the couch and play games together.  Still, part of me wants to run out and tell everyone the news—partly because it's great news, and partly because I want them to know why I might not be my normal self. 

We probably have another month and a half before we're OK to start sharing the news with more people.  In the meantime we'll probably tell a few people as the opportunity arises—close family and friends, mostly.  We told Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle John, and Aunt Kristin at the end of our vacation, and then we told a good friend of mine on our trip home since I probably won't see her in person for a while.  She was one of the last to find out last time (by email, no less!) so I felt like I needed to tell her now, while I had the chance.  But for the most part we'll be quiet about it until we get closer to the “safe zone” at the end of the first trimester.  The end of summer will come soon enough, so I don't want to rush it despite the obvious excitement to come.  In the meantime, we have next week's ultrasound to look forward to, and hopefully everything looks good.  There's always a risk that it won't, and I'm just trying to prepare in case the news isn't what we hoped.  I'.m hoping that the fact that I'm not feeling great indicates that all of the hormones are doing what they're supposed to, but it's always still a little scary.

It's probably all in my head, but I swear I'm already starting to feel fatter—or at least, my body seems to decide that the second it's pregnant, it doesn't want to suck in my stomach at all.  We'll see if I can make it to the end of the first trimester without having to tell people because my belly is getting obvious.  It took me a long time to show last time (about halfway), but I hear you show earlier with each pregnancy and I've heard more and more about people having to tell early because they couldn't hide it anymore.  We'll see how that goes.  Let's hope I can hide it in the meantime.

Well, time to head off to bed.  It's a weekend night, but I need to start practicing going to bed at a reasonable time.  I have a long day alone with Jacob tomorrow, so I'll need whatever energy I can get!  Hope all is well in there!  Keep cooking and I'll talk to you soon!

Love,
Mommy

Pittsburgh - The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

We ended up taking a last minute trip to Pittsburgh over the weekend.  It had been discussed briefly the previous weekend, but it was only at the end of the week that anything really got moving on it.  It was a question whether or not we were going to go, right up until the last minute.  But go we did.

Craig's dad loves going to baseball games with his sons (and grandkids) and there hadn't been an opportunity to get to a major league game in a while.  The Pittsburgh Pirates were home this weekend, so off we went.  I was a little worried about it given how I've been feeling for, oh, the past two months.  It was a lot of last minute packing and planning, long drives, and the potential for a bad overnight in the hotel, which tends to happen when Jacob's around.  I was also concerned because the weather forecast was cool and rainy.  The rain was forecast to let up just before game time, but we all know how accurate forecasts can be.

We left for Buffalo Friday night, and fortunately Jacob fell asleep on the way and pretty much stayed asleep once we got there.  He didn't sleep in particularly late, but it wasn't too bad.  Still, I was tired and vaguely nauseous (as I am many days still when I'm short on sleep or otherwise out of my normal groove).  The drive was rainy, but Jacob and I hung out in the back seat and ended up sharing his Pillow Pet for a little nap.  When we got to Pittsburgh, our hotel was lovely--within walking distance of the stadium, in an old building in the Cultural District that was very chic and modern inside.  Our room had high ceilings, huge windows, and cool wallpaper and decorative touches.  Nice.

We headed out to the game early and walked around the stadium to kill time until the gates opened.  Here's a picture of the boys with the Roberto Clemente statue outside:   

No matter how many times I go there, I can't help but snap pictures of this statue.  It just oozes photo op.

By the time we had gotten to the city, the weather had begun to clear, and by the time we got to the stadium, it was gorgeous.  It wasn't particularly warm--definitely pants weather for me!--but it was sunny and pleasant.  I couldn't help but snap this picture to remember the lovely evening.

Once inside the stadium, we saw this fun piggy bank for charity.  Not every day you see a pig dressed up like a pirate!

Here's Jacob getting a look at the opposing team (the Cubs) during batting practice...

PNC Park has one of the best views in sports, and I was excited to be attending my first night game there because the view would change during the course of the night.  I snapped this picture the second I noticed the glare of the setting sun off that one building.  Later on there was a cool red reflection from the sunset but that picture wasn't quite as stunning...

 

It was a good game and we had a blast even though the Pirates lost.  The evening was perfect and Jacob was spoiled, of course.  He got a baseball and another racing pierogy guy--he's now got three of them!  We got one before he was ever born, and Jacob's gotten one on each trip to Pittsburgh.  I told him that we'll probably round out our collection next time, when he and his sibling will probably each get one.  I told him that if he has a sister, it would be perfect for her to get the only girl pierogy, the winner of that night's race, Jalapeno Hannah.  I'm sure she'd share :)  We all snacked our way through the game, and it was a nice change of pace to not be roasting during the game like we usually do during day games.  We stuck around late for the fireworks, and they were well worth the wait. 

We walked back to the hotel, and despite the late hour, Jacob still had a hard time going to bed.  Craig and his dad went out for a bit, but the good news is that I was so tired myself that I had no need to stay up and battle Jacob to sneak in a few more minutes of computer time.  It was lights out and he had no choice but to give in to the darkness after a bit! 

The "bad" part of the weekend (per the title) was overnight.  I didn't sleep very well despite the comfy bed, and then Jacob woke up early.  Hotels and travel are always a risky proposition when it comes to sleep and restfulness, but it's extra risky while pregnant when how I feel on any given day is directly related to the quality and duration of my sleep the night before.  I was tired and feeling even more blah than usual on Sunday.  As much as I would have liked to stick around and make the most of our trip with some sort of touristy stop on Sunday morning, I think we were all pretty much ready to go home, so we headed out late in the morning after breakfast.  The "ugly" part of the trip was Jacob's behavior on the trip home, which was most likely driven by sleep deprivation and being off his schedule.  He was constantly doing something annoying, be it touching me, whining, throwing animals, or being generally difficult.  That alone inspired me to get his new discipline chart together, which I got half done that night.  More on that in another post! 

We stopped in Erie for lunch (Steak 'n' Shake--yum!), and caught bits and pieces of the Bills game, which was pretty painful to listen to.  We had another potty stop and caught a decent nap on the way to Buffalo, then dropped off Craig's dad, grabbed some snacks and beverages and headed home.  I was eager to get home and do my usual Sunday night craziness before dropping into bed as early as possible.  Of course it's never as easy as I'd like, but you do what you can. 

In the end it was quite an exhausting weekend, but the game was great and I know Craig's dad enjoyed the time with us.  Pittsburgh is a great city and I always find myself wanting to stay longer and explore more.  Always motivation to go back!