Craig also had big plans for their day after school, which meant I would only see Jacob for a very short time on his actual birthday. That was definitely a new one for me, and it was definitely a bit strange. We had his birthday dinner late last week because we had such a busy weekend ahead, and his party is on hold at the moment because another family party got scheduled the same weekend as I was going to do his, so I have no idea what we're going to do now. We just ended up opening presents in the morning before school, which was really all he cared about anyway, I think!
|Revolutionary War army guys he's been eyeing up for a few months!|
|More clothes. But at least he was excited about them. Note the new hat, too!|
|His gift from Carter, a set of lacrosse sticks made for the pool!|
Usually the last day of school is a half day, but because they cut out days since we had no snow days, the last day was a full day. Craig met him at school for a Burger King lunch, and as soon as school was over for the day, Craig picked him up and they went to Oakville, Ontario for a lacrosse game. Craig had been meaning to go up there for a couple weeks and his plans kept falling through, so Jacob's birthday became the day! I was a little bummed to not be present for most of his birthday, but I know he was much happier doing stuff with Daddy. Just look at these smiles...
|He's in heaven right here...one of his favorite gluten-free pizzas and his beloved Canada Dry, in his cool new clothes, in his favorite country on the way to watch his favorite sport, all on his birthday. Wow.|
|Ready for the game! Who IS that big kid, anyway?|
Oh, and he got called into action as a ball boy and he got this little surprise in the Brampton Excelsiors' locker room...
So, yeah, I think it ended up being a pretty good day for him. I don't think he minded mine or Carter's absence one bit. Sigh. Back at home, Carter and I had a pretty low-key evening in comparison. We went to the library, where I picked out a bunch of books and Carter sampled all of the toys and iPad apps. We stopped at Aldi to pick up a couple things, then ate dinner at McDonald's (his choice). We got home in time to watch a show and then he was off to bed. I caught up on some TV, blogged, and went to bed later than I should have. I didn't even hear the boys get home. I feel a little bad that I couldn't be more involved, both with this day or the last two days when Craig has been home with him (camp starts tomorrow!), but this is my busiest time of the year at work as we close out our fiscal year, and it's generally frowned upon to take much time off right now. The half day I took on Friday for the moving up ceremony and the appointment that got canceled felt iffy enough. And there are four doctor's appointments coming up in the next two weeks (two for Jacob, one for Carter, and one for me), so I'm trying to be careful.
Per my birthday letter, I'm still pretty sad at the state of our relationship right now, so this birthday is definitely a bit bittersweet. Eight years ago I would have never dreamed this would be where we are, and it breaks my heart. Heck, when he was little I used to think about this age and how he'd probably be a mostly self-sufficient, cool hang-out buddy by now. I may have been partially right--for Craig, anyway--but for me...well, let's just say this isn't the relationship I was dreaming of as I cuddled my newborn. And I just don't know how to fix it. I've apologized for anything I've done to hurt him, I've explained my role as a parent, I've tried to demonstrate my love for him, I've tried having conversations with him so he could express his feelings, but none of it is making things any better. Hence the new doctor. It's discouraging, but as a parent you're not really allowed to give up. Or at least, if you love your child and have a conscience, you just know you can't. But it's hard.
Even though I didn't get to spend much of his birthday with him, I look forward to more celebrations as we make up for his absence on the actual day. We have a party to plan, a cake to create, and possibly some breakfast cinnamon rolls to top it all off. It's just a day, right? We can celebrate whenever, however we want!