Night of Firsts

Tonight Carter had three firsts!  Of course, none of them were the ones we're really waiting for, first words or first steps, but one was still pretty significant--his first haircut!

The first "first" of the night was his first McDonald's burger.  We don't go out to eat much, and certainly not to well-tested gluten-free-friendly places.  Well, getting Carter's haircut done necessitated fast food out (because we tried to do it after a quick at-home dinner on Monday and it did not work), and McDonald's was the closest place.  They CAN do gluten-free, though it's always a bit of a risk...and confuses the heck out of them in the process.  But they do it and so far it's seemed to go well.  So, it's not a perfect option, but it works.  Jacob gets a cheeseburger with no bun, plus the fries and apples in the Happy Meal.  Tonight's "toy" was a Lego Movie cup...cool!  Carter didn't eat a ton (as has been the trend the last few days), but he did seem to like the burger.  I think everything else was just too distracting!

After dinner we headed to the barber, which is the same place we got Jacob's first haircut done.  It's sports themed so we hoped there would be enough distractions to get us through a five minute haircut.  The first haircut always seems like a bit of a waste, but the old man look is brutal.  Jacob had it, too, and the thick, fly-away hair on the bottom looks so odd compared to the thin hair up top.  I don't have a really good picture of the ridiculousness, but the extra unfortunate placement of this picture gives you an idea of the problem.

This one shows it a bit, too...after she started wetting it down to cut.

Look behind his ear in particular...

He did great!  He was a little squirmy and moved his head from side to side a lot, but he didn't cry!  I will take it!

 

Handsome boy all done!  It changes the shape of his head and makes him look a little more polished, if you can say that about a baby!

Notice he's holding the comb.  She gave that to him as a last-ditch effort to distract him :)

It was quick and painless, and I'm so relieved to have it done.  An envelope with a few pieces of soft hair is sitting on his baby book right now :)

After that, the bribe to get Jacob to deal with going was to take his free yogurt certificate to a local yogurt place.  I'll admit they make me a little nervous with cross contamination and all that, but we avoided the yogurts with gluten and tried to work around the toppings.  They weren't labeled but we know more or less what works.  Cross contamination is always a worry, but sometimes you just have to cross your fingers and hope things are as they're supposed to be.  We couldn't have that ability if this were a peanut allergy, for example, but right now he doesn't seem that impacted by cross contamination, so I think in some cases it's worth the minor risk.  We all enjoyed our yogurt, and even Carter got to enjoy some!  He wasn't too sure when that cold stuff first hit his lips, but he decided pretty quickly it was yummy and was shrieking a bit at me to keep it coming.  Of course, I forgot I should have left some yogurt untouched by toppings because I had to avoid the nut-based toppings as I gave him bites.  Oops.  I mean, he's probably safe-ish at this point, but his intolerance issues and eczema make me nervous nonetheless.  Jacob didn't have peanuts until he was, what, three?  I don't know if I plan to wait that long now, but it's still scary.  We don't need anymore food issues, let alone one that serious.

Anyway, it was fun.  So fun that both boys took little cat naps on the way home.  They still went down okay, thankfully.  Jacob is back to his difficult self again and I am trying so hard to figure out what made the difference.  He's back to being selfish, purposely annoying, loud, full of potty talk, prone to hitting, and generally challenging over the most random stuff.  It's so frustrating.  We're managing, but after such a good week last week, it really makes you wonder.  It doesn't seem like anything he ate could have made a difference, but I guess you never know.  Still no word back on the blood work, though.

Carter is as playful and goofy as ever.  He loves being chased (oh boy) and he really likes climbing stairs.  Thankfully he's pretty good at it when he stays focused, but obviously we don't want him doing it without us there.  I'd rather he learn and get good at it, but it's nerve wracking.  I need to get video of him playing in his little tunnel (that was converted from his playmat), because he is so hilarious when he's in there.  His laugh just cracks me up.  What a ham!

So, not a bad night as a whole...I'll take it.

News & Notes, Is it Spring Yet? Edition

It was snowing here again this morning, which was sort of mean considering we'd had temps in the mid-40s over the weekend.  Of course, the winds were also in the mid-40s, as well, so it was a little hard to enjoy the warmer weather.  The sun helped, though, and it felt good for a couple days.  But now we're heading back into another freeze and more snow and I think the general public is about to lose it.  We've had a couple easy winters here lately, and I think everyone got a little spoiled and forgot what real winter is like.  It's annoying.  And while I'd say that we all just need a real break in the weather--you know, a few sunny days in the 50s--I think that might just make everyone crazier when the weather goes back to normal...or below normal, as the case might be.  I keep trying to tell myself that March starts this weekend and that even though it will still threaten to snow for another month or two after that, the weather HAS to get better soon, right?  God knows that Jacob is craving outside time, and I think he'd actually take flight in jubilation if we actually told him it was nice enough to play outside.  The good news is that the days are getting longer, and one of these days we'll actually come home in honest to goodness daylight.  We're so close!

I really wanted to get Carter's hair cut this weekend, but it was the one thing that got cut due to time and schedules.  I wanted to do it yesterday afternoon, but Carter's nap ran long and Jacob and I were engrossed in his 100th Day of School project, a "100 Mobile", to bother waking Carter up early to head out before the haircut place closed.  I promised Jacob that we could go to the frozen yogurt place that's on the drive back from the haircut place as his reward for sitting through the haircut, particularly since he's got a free coupon from his teacher from Valentine's Day, but we'll just have to either do it in the evening this week or use it next weekend.  Carter's hair is making me a little crazy, and I let that crazy go on too long when Jacob was his age and had the same unfortunate issue--the old man 'do.  It's super short on top and long in the back.  It gets food in it, it stands up funny after sleeping, and it flops over his ears.  I remember after Jacob's first haircut that I realized I should have done it so much sooner!  Turns out based on the blog that Jacob's haircut was only a couple weeks later than this, but that's two weeks less of frustration, right?

As I was looking to see when Jacob's haircut actually took place, I started reading about the weaning process we went through last time.  I've been thinking about that stuff a lot lately with Carter, too, though in a totally different way.   The differences are amazing and I will try to do a post specifically about that soon.  It just blew my mind reading the posts, though!

Predictably, the past couple days with Jacob have been a little challenging.  I knew my blog post would jinx us!  He hasn't been awful, but it's been back to a lot of the defiance and crankiness.  I think some of it may have to do with school being back in session, unfortunately, but we'll just have to see how things go.

I had a last-minute scramble tonight because Jacob's teacher notified us at 5pm tonight that they're doing a food activity for their 100th day of school tomorrow (side note: when did they start celebrating that?  We never did that.), and a few of the foods they're using have gluten.  They're counting out 10 each of 10 different foods, including pretzels, two cereals, and goldfish.  I had to scramble to replace those with what we had on hand--gluten-free pretzels, Kix, Chex, and Skittles.  I also tracked down an old placemat to send with him to cover the table surface he'll be counting on, just in case there was gluten there previously.  I wish I would have had a little more notice, but at least I got it done.  I never realized what a pain food-related things are at school.  Allergy parents have it worse because it's a life and death thing, but geez...this stuff is frustrating.

And now, a few pictures...

Here's Jacob at Glow Golf...blurry, yes, but a cool picture anyway.  I love how the ball glows in his hand.

A close-up of my Valentine's roses.  They were this two-tone pink and a coral color.  Really pretty.


 Here's Jacob with his 100 Day mobile.  He put 100 stick-on stars on 10 ribbons, which we hung on a hanger.  I had to help him with some of the construction, but he did all the counting and stuck on all of the stars in patterns.  He did great!

More soon...

Joy

This blog has had its fair share of bummer posts over the past year or so, but thankfully, this will not be one of them.  I am hesitant to post it for fear I will jinx things, but I have to do it because it has been such a relief.

I think I've mentioned that Jacob's behavior has been better for the past week.  We'd had a really bad run prior to that, for no apparent reason, but since last Friday, things have evened off again.  It's hard to explain what that means, exactly, but all I can say is that I think that our moments in between meltdowns are what "normal" people live like.  To be clear, this is still not a normal life, but there have been far more normal moments in the past week than I can remember in a long time. 

We still have meltdowns and moments where things are far more difficult than they should be.  He will still argue about clothes for far too long, he will give us a hard time about eating certain foods, and something like getting bloodwork done this morning can throw him off-kilter for an extra long time.  But if we can weather those storms, the time in between can be lovely.  And it's been a long time since I've been able to say that.  At times we couldn't say anything to Jacob without it turning into an argument, and something as simple as a request to come to dinner would turn into a major battle.  We may still have to push him a bit now, but it's not like it was.  He'll play nicely alone, but will ask nicely to have you join him.  We can have actual conversations.  He can be so funny, so insightful, so charming...and for a while that was all hidden behind a brooding, mouthy façade. 

For so long it was so hard to bond with him.  He wouldn't let me near him for as much as a hug.  He didn't want to talk to me.  Every interaction turned into such a battle that, honestly, it wasn't worth it.  I eventually became more nervous about making things worse that taking the chance of making things better seemed too risky.  As a mom, it was absolutely heartbreaking.  I'd look back at pictures of my sweet baby boy and think back to how inseparable we used to be.  That image became even more vivid once Carter came back into the picture and I relived a lot of my experiences with Jacob.  The contrast was shocking and sad.  To know things could go so downhill made me worry about my future with Carter.  Obviously everything was complicated further by having to spend a lot of time with Carter, between the limits on my time to Jacob's jealousy (even if he'd never admit it).  The connection I had with him felt so broken.  And when his behavior went downhill badly at the end of the summer, things got even harder.  While I will always love him, liking spending time with him was such a challenge. 

But over the past week or so, things have been so much better.  He'll let me hug him, we can have normal conversations, and he can be really reasonable and cooperative at times.  He can be so sweet and charming when he wants to be.  He'll tell me things about his day.  He's even acknowledged Carter.  I still can't say he's accepted him, but he has moments where it looks like he can almost see a future where things could be okay.  We can go on outings without expecting a full-on tantrum about something, and I'm less scared of our weekends without Craig because so far they've been perfectly manageable. 

I don't know what caused the change, but it could be a lot of things.  Perhaps his week off of school let him relax a bit.  Maybe Carter's birthday helped him realize that not only isn't Carter going anywhere, but he's getting older and will get more fun.  Maybe because Carter's getting older and Craig has been on the road a lot, I'm slowly but surely getting more opportunities to spend one-on-one time with him again, and he realizes that I do still love him and want to be with him.  Or maybe after nearly four months, the Celiac disease is getting a little more under control and the effects of the gluten are wearing off.  People have said that the behavior issues can take six months to ease up, so maybe we just got to a better point.  Who knows, but I don't care what it is as long as it continues!

Don't get me wrong, we still have a long road ahead of us.  It's still clear that he's got some things going on.  His obsession with certain things is undeniable.  His inability to focus in a classroom setting is problematic.  He's still prone to acting out physically when he gets upset, and he gets upset probably more than most, in a way that's usually disproportionate to the problem.  But to see him be able to act normal more often than not gives me hope that we can crack the code and find ways to help him.  It gives us a little mental break and gives us a chance to show him what we've been telling him for so long--that the better his behavior, the easier things are and the more fun we can have.

But the overwhelming sense of joy that I feel when I can finally bond with him again is the big story of this post.  I can't describe how happy it makes my heart that I can give him a peck on the cheek again, or hold his hand, or give him a hug.  I can cuddle with him, talk with him, and do everything in my power to remind him how loved he is, without getting the immediate resistance that used to bog us down.  To be able to spend time with both of my boys (sort of--it's still limited but there are glimpses) is exciting, and I hope this trend continues.  All of the prayers must be working, so please keep them up.  But throw in a "thank you", too, because this week has been darn-near a dream come true!

Weekend Odds and Ends

As I mentioned in my last post, Jacob was really great over the weekend.  I have a feeling that's what a weekend with a "normal" five-year-old should feel like--a couple unfortunate moments but very functional in general.  I'm not sure what happened to do that, but getting his Valentine's Day gifts definitely perked him up a bit.

He helped me try to make Carter smile for his pictures, and even almost seemed like he was interacting with him a bit.  I mentioned how he seemed very interested by Carter's hockey stick birthday gift (in a non-jealous way), and he just seemed more willing to help out with retrieving toys and things like that.  He just didn't argue as much and was really delightful to chat with.  There was still some potty talk but it was limited, and the hitting was nearly non-existent.  It all sounds really normal to most people, but to us it's definitely a change.  It was so ridiculously nice, especially considering all of the stuff that was going on all weekend. 

His good behavior lasted right into Monday, where we sent Carter to daycare and spent the day with Jacob.  I almost wrecked it because I had a couple hours where I literally could not pull myself out of bed.  I don't know if my body gave up after a busy week, or what.  Eventually I did get moving and we went out for a quick lunch followed by a couple rounds of Glow Golf (yes, glow in the dark mini golf) as his reward for getting the top color on his classroom's behavior scale a couple weeks ago.  We finished it off with Frosties at Wendy's.

Monday night got a little more challenging and he keeps saying that he doesn't feel great, so I'm thinking of asking the doctor if we can get some bloodwork done on him, both to see if there's any sort of status report we can get now that he's been gluten-free for about four months, or if anything else seems amiss.  It's just random stuff--he says he's tired, complains of random aches and pains, and still seems to have some stomach aches and nausea that never amount to anything.  Half the time he's complaining he still seems like his normal, active self five minutes later, so it's hard to tell if he's making excuses, or making small things seem worse than they are, or if something's really bothering him and he's just sort of battling through it.  With two friends with kids with cancer, I guess you can never be too sure, right?  In the meantime, there's a delicate balance between being sensitive to whatever might be bothering him, but not buying in so completely that he thinks he can pull the sick card whenever he wants to skip school or other events.  My mom used to have a fever/vomiting rule about staying home from school, and while I know there are some other things that might warrant a day off, I'm not in a position to be able to stay home just in case something is up.  It stinks, but that's how it goes.

So, we're all back to the grind now.  Work for Craig and me, daycare for Carter, and a lacrosse clinic and the school district's February break version of the afterschool program for Jacob.  We'll see how that goes.  Carter's one-year well visit is on Friday, and I'm hoping to get some insight into transitioning him off of his fancy formula now that it seems he can tolerate at least some dairy.  I just don't want to overwhelm his system, so I am pondering switching to sensitive formula for a bit then working up to real milk, or just very slowly adding milk, though it would sort of defeat the purpose of the pricey formula.  We'll see what she has to say.

And now, for your viewing pleasure, here is the official set of pictures from Carter's first 12 months.  I can't believe this project is over already, as it doesn't seem like it could have been started 11 months ago!  The progression is amazing because you just don't see the day-to-day changes, but what a difference a month can make!  I'm definitely thinking back these days to the beginning of my maternity leave a year ago.  Oh, what I wouldn't give for more dedicated time like that again!

Amazing!  What a year it has been...and I can't believe how much he's going to change in the next year based on what I see looking back on pictures of Jacob.  This parenthood thing is quite the trip, and I love my front row seat!

Birthday Boy!

Fun fact: Jacob and Carter were both born on Friday, which meant that their first birthdays fell on a Saturday.  It worked out perfectly with Jacob where we could have his first birthday party on his actual birthday, which felt just right.  Ever since it's always felt weird when we can't have his birthday on the actual day.  I was happy when I realized that Carter's first birthday would fall on a Saturday as well...that is, until I saw the Knighthawks schedule and saw a road game on Carter's birthday.  So, we had to wait an extra day for his party, which was just fine because it gave me an extra day to plan!

Carter's actual birthday was pretty low key.  Craig left late the night before for his roadtrip, so it was just the kids and me on Saturday morning trying to pack up and get on the road at a reasonable time.  The actual packing went well and Jacob was extra well behaved.  The biggest problem of the morning was that we needed to take Carter's 12 month picture and he was not being cooperative.  He kept trying to crawl away or grab the 12 sign, or he just wouldn't smile.  I was feeling pretty frustrated and even Jacob tried helping me distract him long enough to get a smile or two.  We tried at least twice, hoping the break would help, but in the end we only got a couple decent ones and none that were perfect both with their smile and with the continuity with the other months' angles, coloring, etc.  Oh, well.  At least that's done! 

We got on the road around 11:30 and headed to my parents' house for the weekend.  The drive was fine and we just spent the day hanging out.  Jacob was great and Carter was trying to get into everything!  I had to spend some time baking during the afternoon, including figuring out how to bake the big cupcake for the main cake.  All things considered it went relatively well, and I pretty much left it all for the night and would figure out the construction next morning.  I worked on a couple of the major elements of the decorations, though, afterward.  I did capture this cute shot of Carter before we headed out to another birthday party in the evening, this one for his second cousin (on my side), whose 10th birthday was early last week. 

Carter had a few moments of desperately needing to be with his mama, but what else is new?  Still, both kids were really good and went down pretty well at bedtime.  I had to stay up to meet Craig nearby on his way back from Toronto, so my night was a little later.  Carter woke up a couple times whining, and I ended up cuddling him for a while just so he didn't wake up Jacob.  Needless to say, I was really tired when it was time to get up.  I also panicked that I wouldn't have enough time to get everything done for the 1pm party, so we stayed home from church and I got working on the cake situation.  It took some maneuvering, but in the end it went relatively well.  And the end result of the main cake was absolutely lovely.  I was thrilled with how it turned out!

Take that Pinterest fails!!

The top decoration was inspired by Pinterest, and I learned that you could use the cake mold (thank goodness I got the silicone one!) to coat with candy melts and make a molded shell for the bottom of the cupcake.  It makes it look so much more finished and polished than leaving it bare or trying to frost it.  I was thrilled with the look, though I did get nervous when it was a bit of a squeeze to get it in.  In the end everything looked so pretty and picture perfect!

In the midst of my decorating, all of a sudden the party was starting!  Carter was still in his jammies since I wanted to save the birthday outfit for the party and a lot of things were still in progress.  My parents and Craig were also working away right up until the start.  My parents were hugely helpful and I am so grateful for all they did to help with the party.  The house was full of people, but everyone had plenty to eat and seemed to have a great time, including all of those mingling between sides of the family!

Carter had taken an early nap that morning which threw off my ideal schedule for the day, and by the time the party started and he was finishing his lunch, I knew a nap would be hard to come by.  I learned a hard lesson during Jacob's party when he was so cranky during the end of presents and for his cake, and I had so hoped to avoid that this time.  Carter was still having a lot of mommy moments during the party, which had me nervous, but by the time people were finishing eating he seemed to be in a decent mood so we moved on to the presents. 

He really liked that card, for some reason!

Lori did a great job of catching him smiling when I handed the camera over

!

He was probably even less into unwrapping than he was at Christmas, but I'm sure he was thrown off by the chaos and being the center of attention.  Still, he did great.  First gift up was his own set of mini hockey sticks with a soft ball and puck! 

Sticks!  And paper!

Very appropriate since he's been stealing Jacob's whenever he gets the chance!  I actually think Jacob was possibly more excited about it than Carter, almost like it dawned on him that, "Wait, he WILL actually be able to play with me someday!"  Of course, when Jacob saw on the back of the packaging that there's a full ice rink mat that you can buy, that became his new future gift of choice!

Uncle Brad and the rest of the fam got him a Mercyhurst teddy bear (Daddy's alma mater!), and it looks like he liked it!

His Bacie (Craig's mom) has added to the collection of sports-themed clothes floating around our house with this cute onesie (with orange shorts to match--so cute!)...

He did open his gifts from us since we ran out of time on Saturday.  We gave him a shape sorter (Jacob never had a good one and I think they're one of those staple learning toys--anything without batteries these days is music to my ears!) and a Mega Bloks dump truck that I had won a couple years ago in a blog giveaway.  I won three items, one of which I gave as a gift, one of which Jacob got (a big bag of Mega Bloks), and one that I stashed away for the future.  Carter doesn't have any specific interests, though sports and cars are slowly climbing the charts, and he's shown some interest in the Mega Bloks so I figured he might enjoy the truck.

There was one intriguing large gift in the pile which I later figured out was a joint present from Lori and her parents, and I was pleasantly surprised to see that it was a ride-on toy, which was a new one for us.  While big toys can be a challenge to store, after two boys it's hard to find toy categories that you don't already have, so that was a nice surprise. 

He can sit on the car and pull the gear shift, which makes balls pop out the front.  The balls can go back in via the hood or through a hole in the steering wheel.  It's really cute!

Since his mood was hanging in there and he showed no signs of being able to nap, we rushed right into the cake.  In addition to the giant cupcake, I did a set of gluten-free chocolate cupcakes for Jacob, a smash cake for Carter, and a few more cupcakes with the remaining batter.  It was a lot, but it went very smoothly.  Here's the finished smash cake, which was the same size as Jacob's (it was a last-minute afterthought sort of decision when I did it for Jacob...I think I had batter left over there, too, and didn't even realize until I did it that it could be a smash cake!).  I just adorned it with a simple star and left it at that.  I did accessorize with the same candle we used for Jacob (upper right corner), but we didn't bother lighting it since babies and fire don't really mix.

Waiting to be sung to...with the cake at a safe distance since he almost dug in early when I accidentally got it too close!  He's also wearing the same "1" bib as Jacob wore.

He was very tentative about digging in initially and almost needed to be shown that he could touch it.  We then tried with a spoon.  When he finally got it up to his mouth he seemed intrigued and went back for more. 

In this picture he's almost saying, "Why is everyone looking at me?"

Eventually it was time to cut into my masterpiece, which always breaks my heart a little bit.  But good cake makes a lot of things better...

In the meantime, Carter was making a pretty good mess, per the teaser picture in my last post.  These were taken shortly before I scooped him up and took him up for a bath.  He literally had frosting from head to toe!

I salvaged one side of the cake to add to our leftovers and snuck him a bit after he ate his dinner last night.  He earned it, right? 

After his bath we went back down to the party, and after a few minutes in my arms he conked right out and slept for at least a couple hours.  We headed home after his nap and dinner (none of the rest of us were hungry!), and I felt bad because he was bored and whiny during the drive and eventually fell back to sleep, only to get home, have a bottle, and go back to bed.  I guess the sleep was good, though, because he slept through the night as usual.  Birthdays are tiring!

All in all, it was a pretty crazy weekend but it went well.  Carter did well, the party was great, the cake was perfect, and Jacob was amazingly good.  More on that in another post!  But suffice it to say, I was so pleased with how the weekend went...despite the fact that I'd really just like to go back to bed right now!  Happy Birthday Carter!

Weekend of One

I will have a full birthday post as soon as I can, but it just can't be tonight because I am exhausted.  It was a great weekend, though, and pretty much everything went at least as well as expected, if not better.  Carter's party was great, the cake turned out awesome, and Jacob was really, really great.  And the best part?  Tomorrow is a day off!  We're probably actually going to send Carter to daycare (sorry, buddy) and give Jacob a day alone with us.  We have a couple potential activities to fill the day, and I think Carter will have more fun with his friends than he would have during some of these activities.  Jacob will appreciate the time alone with us, and once Carter can do it, too, we'll work him into the mix.  Maybe by then we can do things with both kids and have it be just as special as a day alone.  Maybe.

But despite the craziness of preparing for the party and taking the whole show on the road, it was a pretty great couple days.  And I am exhausted.  So no blog post beyond this one because I want to be awake enough to do it justice.  But suffice it to say all went well and I'm still trying to process the fact that Carter is, indeed, a year old.

It hit me tonight that a year ago today marked one of my favorite moments of Carter's early days, and tonight marked one of my hardest.  A year ago this evening was when Carter and I watched the Knighthawks game online, listening to Craig's broadcast that we were afraid might be in jeopardy if Carter came at an inopportune time.  It was Craig's 200th straight broadcast, so it was a big one, and we were lucky it was a home game!  I remember just relaxing that night with my computer and a sleeping baby, enjoying Craig's play-by-play and taking in sweet newborn bliss.  But later that night when I tried to go to sleep, Carter was hungry and insatiable.  I was exhausted after not sleeping much the night before or that day (it's so hard between the baby's needs and the constant vitals checks), and not only was every part of my body (including the source of nourishment) was terribly sore, but I was so tired that I was worried about dropping him or falling asleep with him in my arms.  I was getting desperate and Craig was sleeping at home that night, so I made the tough decision to call in the nurse to take Carter to the nursery.  I just couldn't do it anymore and took the risk that he might have to be supplemented with formula (which was a big deal for me with Jacob--fortunately that didn't end up happening), but I know it was best for both of us.  Once I calmed down and stopped beating myself up, I slept like a rock...so deeply, in fact, that when I woke up I had to seriously think about where I was and what I had to do.  Yup, exhausted.  Quite the start, for sure!

Until I get a new post up, enjoy this one random shot from today.  Just a preview of the fun...

ONE

My sweet Carter,

I can't believe you turn one today.  I keep telling myself that since you weren't born until 10:32 pm, you're technically not one yet!  I'll hold on to these last official baby moments while I can!  But the truth is, you've been with us for a year now and it was the fastest year of my life!  I seriously can't wrap my brain around the fact that you're a year old because it seems like not that long ago that I was lumbering around this house pregnant and pained.  Deep down I knew you'd come early but I never thought you'd be three weeks ahead of schedule...well, at least, not until those last couple days when I felt so awful that I figured my body couldn't hold up much longer.  I think it's sort of ironic that Valentine's Day will always remind me of last year, when I was so uncomfortable that I could barely sit up, yet I had to make it through a day of work, Jacob's last night of soccer, and dinner out.  I thought by the end of the day that you'd be making an early appearance, but when I woke up the next morning feeling much better, I thought maybe I was wrong.  And then a few hours later you got things moving, and the rest is history.  Less than 12 hours later you were in my arms. 

You have been the best baby I could have asked for.  Given the year we've had with your brother (more on that later), we needed an easy baby and you definitely fit the bill.  As much as I wanted a girl, I couldn't have asked for anything more with you...so as usual, it's clear that God knew what he was doing!  Aside from a couple rough nights early on, I can probably count the times I've had to rock you for an extreme amount of time on a hand and a half, if that.  You've even made it through teething like a champ.  You're a great sleeper and a great eater, and while recently you've gotten a little more demanding, you've almost always been good when I need you to be.  I just can't get over how chill you've been over this past year.

My maternity leave with you was so blissful.  Yes, I was tired, but I made it a point to hold you a lot and take in every moment of your sweet little self.  You were so tiny and I spent so many moments marveling at your long fingers, little feet, soft skin and abundant hair!  You had so much hair, everywhere, which is rare for babies in my family, at least.  Eventually you got rid of most of it, and now you're sporting a bit of a baby mullet because you lost a bunch on the top of your head but the back's been growing in all along.  You're still so much darker in general than Jacob was, which never ceases to amaze us. 

You and your brother are so different.  You don't look very much alike, and your personalities are pretty different as well.  Still, sometimes I marvel as I read this blog at how you've both done the same things at the same time.  And yet, he had more hair at this point but you've doubled him in teeth.  I think you're probably going to walk before he did, too, because you're already able to stand up for a few seconds at a time.  You think Jacob is the most amazing person in the world, even though he won't give you the time of day.  In fact, lately he's been yelling at you and trying to intimidate you, but you just sit there and smile at him.  If I wasn't so ticked at him, I'd be extra amused by your response.  Hopefully someday he'll come around, but I'm sorry in the meantime that you're missing out on the love and entertainment that older brothers are supposed to provide.

I do apologize that you had to join our family at this particular time, because you're really not seeing the best of us.  You've heard so much yelling and I wonder how much of what you see sinks in.  Don't get any ideas from watching your brother beat on us or tell us "no".  That is not how you want to do things.  I hate that you've had to be around all of this insanity and have a crazy mommy for your first year, but you know what?  You have been the bright shining light of this tough year and I don't know how I would have made it through without your smiling face and sweet baby snuggles.  You made me love being a mommy again, and brought me little bits of joy in the midst of so much stress and sadness.  No pressure or anything, but the longer you can keep that up, the better.

You love people so much and they are instantly drawn to you.  I've never seen a baby get so many comments or give confidence boosts to so many random strangers everywhere we go.  There is just a light in your eyes that draws people in, and those chubby cheeks are irresistible.  Even at Disney where there are more kids than you can count, so many people were drawn right to you.  Everyone at daycare loves you so much, and every picture I post of you on Facebook gets so many "likes"!

You haven't been completely drama-free, of course.  The decision to stop nursing you when you were six weeks old was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make.  I had to put my sanity and the normalcy of our household at the top of the priority list because I knew that formula could still give you what you needed while keeping my stress level lower.  In the end I'm sort of grateful, because I think I was a much more relaxed mom because your survival did not depend entirely on my body.  I wouldn't change how I did things with Jacob, but I'm at peace with how our journey went, too, because I wasn't battling my body or blaming myself if things went wrong with you.  Of course, once we were used to formula, solids came along and messed everything up again, especially when we figured out you couldn't tolerate rice.  That was a complication I never expected, and it became even more challenging when your brother went gluten-free and everything we were eating included some sort of rice flour.  I'm still working through that balance, but I think we're doing okay.  You're eating a bunch and I haven't contaminated either one of you yet, that I can tell.

As we reach a year, we're eager for a few more milestones.  Your first haircut (see the mullet reference above) will be first, and hopefully your first word will be next.  You babble "mama" and "dada", but you don't seem to connect it to us yet.  Hopefully soon.  I'm not sure what other words might come next, but I can't wait to start hearing what's going on in that head.  Walking should be coming soon, too, and then we all have to watch out because you are one determined, curious little boy.  After that I think sports will only be a matter of time, though it remains to be seen if you'll be as into them as your brother.  Right now you seem to like cars and sporting equipment equally. 

I feel like there are so many more things I wanted to tell you, but all I can really say is that I feel so blessed to be your mommy.  You have been the perfect addition to our family and I just marvel at you every single day.  Watching you grow up has been so enjoyable, in part because I'm not as nervous about the parenting fundamentals this time around and can simply focus on how great you are.  I can't wait to see you grow and have loved spending this past year with you!  I know you won't remember this birthday (or this year), but I can't wait to make memories with you for many, many more!  Happy Birthday Carter!

Love,
Mommy