Well, that's going to complicate things...

I don't think there's enough gauze, do you?

So...yeah.  How do you like my souvenir from Immediate Care?  Earlier today I went outside to trim our evergreens that desperately needed trimming.  I hate using our electric trimmer, but the bushes are huge and there are a lot of them, so every year about twice a year, I suck it up, pull out the 100 ft. extension cord and go to town.  Well, today my finger got a little too close to the blade when I was trying to clear something out of the way, and...yeah.  It didn't hurt right away but it bled profusely pretty quickly.  I stuck it in my mouth, ran in the house and ran it under cold water for a good five minutes.  It took a while to get the bleeding to slow down, and by the time it did I was starting to get a little lightheaded.  I decided I probably needed to go to immediate care, if only to clean it out and minimize the scar. 

So, off we went--all of us, since I was so dizzy--and a while later I left with three stitches and a giant bandage.  The cut is probably about half an inch long.  It looks deep but it's pretty superficial.  It's above the knuckle so it's not directly in the flex zone, but it's still pretty awkward.  Mostly I just feel dumb.  I know better but it was a momentary mental lapse, I guess.  We still have two sets of bushes that need some serious trimming, but either Craig's going to have to work on them or I will have to use the manual shears to make them not look horrific...but I'll give it a couple days to heal. 

It's going to be an interesting week.  I can't get it wet, so I'm going to have some issues.  I have to cover it when I shower, I can't wash it, and I can't swim.  I can't wash dishes or bottles, and scrubbing the boys' clothes is going to be a problem, too.  I have a party to plan and a cake to bake and decorate.  The house needs cleaning.  I have four days of work this week, two of which will be spent with this ridiculous bandage, making typing difficult and mousing almost impossible.  Craig is going to have to pick up a lot of the slack.  Yes, he had two casts on his hand within a year when we were newlyweds, but we didn't have two kids back then.  Yes, I had a lot to do when he tore his calf, but let's face it--I do a lot of stuff every day that I can't really do right now, and someone's going to have to do it, especially because we have to have the house ready for people on Saturday.  Otherwise I'd just let things slide.  Hmmmm.

It's hard to think that I'm going to be handicapped for the week.  It's hard to strap the boys into their car seats.  Changing a diaper isn't bad, but it's still not easy wrestling Carter out of his clothes.  Baths are definitely out.  Trying to keep the dressing dry and clean is a challenge when you're dealing with poop, food, and whatever else.  On the bright side, tickling Carter's cheek with it got quite a giggle!

In the grand scheme of things it's a minor annoyance, and I know I'm lucky it wasn't worse.  The timing isn't great--is it ever?--but it should heal well and hopefully it'll be back to normal in no time.  But it's going to be a tough week.  As if I didn't hate doing the shrubs enough before...

Ten

Yesterday was our tenth wedding anniversary.  We had a pretty low-key celebration.  Lori came over to watch the boys, and we went out to dinner and a movie.  We hardly ever get to go out alone, so despite the un-special-sounding activities, it was pretty special for us.  I think the last time we were out alone, aside from the trip out west for the Knighthawks championship, was when we got our taxes done.  And before that...who knows?  Even our dinner destination (Texas Roadhouse) was unimpressive, but we'd never been there before and the rolls were well worth it!  We're not really foodies (particularly since I don't have a sense of taste, and Craig doesn't like fancy foods), so it doesn't make a lot of sense to go somewhere expensive.  We also went on the cheap for our movie, but that was only because the movie we most wanted to see was only out at the cheap theater.  We saw "42", the Jackie Robinson story, and it was awesome.  Well, aside from the painfully uncomfortable string of racial slurs, anyway.  Fantastic story, plenty of laughs, and some enjoyable acting.  It was a nice night out, though, and it was fun to reconnect like that.  We didn't really exchange gifts, though he did get me flowers and I ended up buying him a new door knob for our bedroom door, one with a lock, after a rather frustrating morning this morning with a little boy who would not stay out!  And in case you're wondering, this is a proactive move to prevent awkward moments down the road, not something in response to any actual traumatic moments...thank goodness!

Being married for ten years is definitely something to celebrate in this day and age.  It's a little mind-blowing, actually.  Ten years ago, ten years seemed huge.  And while it is, we've just sort of done our thing along the way.  While we've had periods of time where I'm sure we weren't the happiest with each other, we've never had a hardcore fight that would ever make us question the future of our marriage. 

While we haven't had to work hard at our marriage, I do realize now more than ever that marriages do take work.  It doesn't have to be drudgery, but you need to put forth an effort.  You have to pay attention to making sure your spouse's needs are met, while also ensuring that yours are met enough to not grow resentful.  You have to be aware of how your spouse changes over the years and make sure that you can meet the needs they have now, not just the needs they had the day you said, "I do."  I'm sure that coping with those changes is one of the reasons that couples get divorced.  And I'm sure that the burden of meeting someone else's needs in addition to your own can be overwhelming for some people.  Making sure that you maintain the fun is huge, as well.  I think that may be where we've struggled, if anything, particularly with the addition of two kids on top of full time jobs that already took up plenty of our time.  We're definitely stuck in our roles of Mom and Dad in the morning and evening, and by the time the kids are in bed and we can go back to Husband and Wife, we're both so tired that interacting in any meaningful way isn't easy.  I worry when I realize days have gone by and I've forgotten to chat with Craig about something, but I know why it happens.  We both have a lot on our minds, and at the end of the day we just want to shut down and lose ourselves in our technology of choice.  It's a slippery slope that I think a lot of people get into, but I think we've done pretty well in trying to recognize when it's happening and refocus on each other for a bit.  And sometimes it does take a tense discussion to break through the haze on either side and make our needs more obvious, but I don't think there's anything wrong with that either...as long as once it happens the communication is clear and the response is appropriate.

I often think of my wedding ring as a metaphor for all of this.  My ring is beautiful.  It was exactly what I wanted and I've always loved it.  There have been times along the way that I've questioned my choice of gold over a white gold/platinum setting, since I wear mostly silver and it often looks richer, but the gold makes it stand out from my normal jewelry and I know that something like platinum wasn't really a financial option at the time.  I love the look of the wedding ring wrap I picked out (after looking at SO many), but I get mad at myself when I notice that it has gotten dirty.  It's such a beautiful ring and I hate when I don't take care of it like I should.  But once I clean it and it's sparkling, it's so gorgeous and I fall in love with it all over again. 

Similarly, I was confident on my wedding day that I had made the right decision.  I was head over heels in love and was marrying a sweet, funny, loving man who I could see myself growing old with.  Along the way there have been moments when I wish I could tweak things, or that Craig possessed certain characteristics that I didn't realize I'd value (like, say, the handyman gene).  But I know that there were a million other reasons why I chose him, so little things here and there shouldn't bother me.  There are times when I neglect us, or forget to pay attention to Craig's needs or our needs as a couple (hello, life with a newborn), but once I realize it and make the effort, it feels great to reconnect and remember why we had such a great connection in the first place. 

We've both changed over the years, and parenthood has been quite a ride.  I think it's made things a little tougher because we often neglect each other while trying to focus on the kids, but I think it's also added a different dimension to our marriage.  It's great to see that other side of someone and watch them embrace a tough role like that.  It doesn't mean that it's easy to balance tasks and find your respective strengths, but it's all a learning process...so as long as you're willing to learn, you should be safe. 

We still have a long way to go to equal our parents, but these first ten years are a big step in the right direction.  We've had a blast so far and I hope that with two growing kids, things will only get to be more fun.  I'm proud of us and proud of the two little boys we've created.  Our night out last night may have been a far cry from the elegance and well-planned nature of our day ten years ago,  but I think both events were well-suited to the people we were at each moment.  We've grown and changed over the years, but our love has remained strong.  Thank God for that.  I know it's a day late, but Happy Anniversary, Craig!  Time to start the journey of our next ten years...I'm definitely looking forward to the ride.

T-Ball...and the Practice We Almost Didn't Make

Tonight was Jacob's first-ever t-ball practice.  He had been looking forward to it for weeks, and this week he was counting down the days.  Craig went to pick him up early from daycare so they could make it to the 6pm practice, and as he walked in the door, he could hear Jacob screaming bloody murder.  Now, Jacob will scream bloody murder about a lot of things--getting his face washed, clipping his toenails, etc.--but this time he actually had good reason. 

It turned out that as the kids were coming in from playing outside, he ran a little ahead of the teacher, turned around just inside the door, and started pounding on the door...only, he was pounding on the glass in the door, rather than the door.  I still have no idea what he was doing it for.  His teacher called to him to stop, but he looked at her and did it again (yup, sounds about right).  Well, as he did it again, his hand broke through the pane of glass.  Fortunately, all he ended up with was a small cut on his wrist, maybe a quarter inch long.  It's a miracle it wasn't worse.  Another inch or one false move and he could have been very seriously hurt. 

Craig called me at work before daycare had a chance, and of course, I freaked out a bit.  He assured me everything was fine, and they were still going to practice, though they'd just have to take it easy and keep on eye on the cut.  When I got to daycare to pick up Carter, I chatted with his teacher.  I feel bad for her because I know this wasn't her fault.  Jacob doesn't listen, and he does tend to do odd things like that sometimes.  I've had to tell him to stop pounding on our storm door numerous times.  Heck, when he was two he pushed on Craig's parents' sliding screen door and the whole thing popped out of the frame sending him falling onto a couple steps below.  She was terribly upset, even an hour later when I got there.  Part of it was still just the panic, part of it is the knowledge that CPS will hear about it (and they just had another claim against them in Jacob's class, which was ruled unfounded).  I don't think there's anything she could have done to prevent it, though I do wish they would get rid of these doors, since I've pondered myself how risky the little panes of glass on them are.  I've caught the door in that area a couple times and now I know I need to avoid it at all costs.  But I certainly don't blame them for Jacob's inability to listen.  I'm sure it happened very quickly, and quite frankly, I'm just beyond relieved that it wasn't worse. 

Anyway, practice went pretty well.  They were impressed with Jacob's batting ability, though he definitely can stand some work on his fielding and listening to instructions.  They taught them some principles of baserunning (run past first, stop at second and third) and practiced a little of everything.  The other kids on his team were really cute--and the one mom and I had a nice chat.  Like I said, his hitting impressed everyone, so I guess that's good.  It'll be coach pitch by halfway through the season, which is also good for him.  It was a good time and the crappy weather held off, thank goodness.  But for the rest of the summer it'll be twice a week in the evenings (but thankfully no weekends, since those are busy enough and Craig is usually away).  Craig is doing some assistant coaching duties, too.  It'll definitely be an interesting experience, though. 

Here are a couple pictures from the night...

Big swing!  This was a good hit!

Mark it down...day one! 

It has been a long day and it's time for bed.  Tomorrow is an important day, too.  It's Craig's and my 10th wedding anniversary.  We still haven't decided what we're doing, but it involves getting out of the house and leaving the kids behind.  That seems sort of important since we probably could use a chance to reconnect as husband and wife instead of mommy and daddy.  Hard to believe it's been 10 whole years...hopefully some musings on that soon...

When You Know You Messed Up

The big downside of this past weekend was--surprise, surprise--Jacob's behavior.  Just when we think it can't get any worse, it does.  And just when we think there's no hope, he turns back into a normal loving kid.  I am so confused, so frustrated, and so sad about our current state, and I'm truly to the point of feeling like we need to start searching for a good family counselor.  We need an outside party to either help with our communication issues, or give us some advice for how to handle a child like Jacob.

Over the past few days, Jacob and I have had some epic battles.  And no matter how I try to not let things escalate, it ends up happening anyway.  There are many problems that we're dealing with.  The overarching one is that Jacob just can't get it through his head that I am his parent and what I say goes.  I'm not talking just about big things that I ask of him, or just petty little things.  I'm talking about everything from picking up his toys to getting ready for bed to cutting out the potty talk.  Regardless of the request, he immediately thinks I'm being "mean" for interrupting his current activity or vetoing something he wants to do (even if it's completely ridiculous).  I could give him all the warning in the world for transitioning activities, like the experts recommend, and he'd still be indignant the second I finally say, "It's time to do this instead."  We have pretty much the same morning and evening routines every day, and yet every single time we meet with resistance.  You'd think he'd learn by now that resistance is futile, but no...he is a challenge every single day.

And when it happens, he'll act out.  He will yell, name-call, have a tantrum--anything BUT obey.  He gets upset when I yell at him, despite the fact that I tell him all the time that I wouldn't have to yell if he just listened.  Stern voices, gentle talking, taking things away, a couple spankings for particularly heinous offenses...I feel like we've tried everything.  He simply does not accept that he has to listen, no matter what we do.  In addition, he can turn on a dime for no reason, and in the end we end up yelling at each other because he won't listen to reason and I'm not going to let him get away with name-calling.  It's absolutely awful.  I truly think we need help.  I want to get him to listen to someone else who can tell him that he needs to listen to his parents.  I also want tips for dealing with his outbursts and outright defiance. 

I'll admit that there are times I probably don't handle it well.  I try to keep my cool, but what are your options when your kid doesn't respond to anything?  Dole out a punishment, sure.  But we've taken away a lot and nothing has worked.  Try a sterner voice?  Ha...nice try.  Yell?  It might get his attention but either doesn't work or fires him up more.  Spanking?  I try to reserve that for only the worst offenses--when he says something truly nasty, for example--more as an attention-getter than anything, but that only makes him want to act out physically, which doesn't help anything.  But no matter how I try to remain calm and rational, I feel like I simply run out of ammo to get him to obey.  And it all goes downhill from there.

And for those wondering, he can be like this with Craig but it doesn't happen as often.  Part of that is probably because I'm more often the taskmaster and know when things need to happen.  Part of it is that I'm less likely to let him get away with things, and part of it is simply that he must find me the easier outlet for his frustrations.  I don't know if he doesn't want to make Craig mad for fear he'll take away time playing sports, or what...but for whatever reason, it's mostly me.  But it does happen with Craig sometimes.

As a prime example...lately he's been having issues with pooping.  I had talked to the doctor last week about his giant, toilet-clogging poops, which she said is the result of not fully emptying.  Everything builds up over time and stretches out the intestines, which makes the poop bigger and causes some vague internal discomfort, which I'm pretty sure matches what we've seen with him--not outright pain, just something that's bothering his butt.  We've been using 4 oz. of pear juice each day to try to soften things up so he can go easier and his intestines can shrink back to normal size.  But in the past few days, he's been having accidents.  He doesn't fully poop his pants, but he often ends up with a little nugget in his butt crack.  It used to happen once in a while, but recently it's been a recurring problem.  We have no idea why it's happening.  He can't seem to give us a straight answer.  It could be that he's afraid of the pain so he's holding it in, but eventually a bit sneaks out.  It could be that he just can't recognize when he has to go until it's a little too late.  He just can't seem to tell us.  And inevitably, when we're either trying to talk to him about it or trying to wipe out his butt after an episode like this, he gets angry.  He complains that it hurts, and we explain that it's important to get it clean because his butt will hurt worse if we don't.  When we continue, he gets angrier.  He'll name-call, try to take a swipe, and practically fling himself around the bathroom (which, of course, is dangerous given the room's small size and plethora of hard surfaces).  I know he's probably frustrated with what's going on, but it doesn't stop the fact that we have to get him clean and need to figure this out...and yet he freaks out.  We just want to help him, particularly with Kindergarten looming, but we get nothing but resistance no matter how calmly and sweetly we approach the subject. 

But it could be anything...bedtime, getting dressed, picking up toys, staying in bed, eating his dinner, running an errand, debating a fact...and before we know it he's yelling and getting all worked up about it.  I don't know exactly how we got to this point, but it definitely feels like we screwed something up along the way.  I don't know if he learned this sort of rage thing from kids at daycare, or if he's translated what he sees when we get angry with him into his immediate go-to response for any little inconvenience.  Either way, somehow we apparently didn't communicate things appropriately because he can be truly out of control at times.  And yet, this morning when I left him at daycare he had to hug and kiss me about 20 times.  After moments like that I'm even more confused.

Ideally I'd like to find a counselor that has a Christian slant, since the other day when I told Jacob that God says that it's important to obey your parents, he told me that he didn't care.  I wasn't too happy to hear that, and apparently Sunday School and what we talk about at home aren't enough.  I think adding the moral element into it is important because it gives us a little more basis for what we're trying to teach him. 

What makes me saddest is how we can barely interact nowadays without getting into some sort of argument or having him act out in some way.  Having Carter around has been a reminder of how awesome and blissful Jacob's infant days were.  And seeing the contrast to now has been sobering.  It makes me sad how far we've fallen, and makes me worry that the same thing will happen with Carter, either because we're going to make the same mistakes, or because he's going to learn from his brother's example.  Jacob probably never had to hear yelling for at least the first year of his life, but Carter has had to hear it far too often already.  He seems none the worse for wear at the moment (though a couple times the noise has made him cry, which kills me), but I have no idea how it will impact him in the long run.  Will he be so used to it that it doesn't even phase him when it's finally directed at him?  And again, I don't want to yell.  I do everything I can not to, but when your child doesn't respond to gentle talking or a stern but even-volume command, you get desperate. 

I wish we could force him to go to sleep earlier--no matter when we put him to bed, he does not fall asleep until nearly 10pm these days--because I wonder if more sleep would help.  I wish I could get him to talk to me about things--the poop, his feelings--but so far that's not working, no matter how hard I try to remove distractions and look in his eyes.  I'm not sure what else to try, but I know it has something to do with me since he can behave like a civilized kid at daycare.  I'm not sure what the next step is going to be, but the last few days have definitely moved me one step closer to taking action.  I never thought it would come to this, but I suppose it's better to do it now than deal with the older-kid version of all of this down the road...

Post-Birthday Weekend

Jacob's actual birthday ended up being pretty low-key.  He got to open some presents in the morning, a few more after daycare, and a few more after his birthday dinner out.  His party isn't for a couple more weeks due to scheduling issues, so I don't have any fantastic cake (or cake failure) to share yet, or pictures of bigger gifts he's getting or anything like that.  Instead, his tower of gifts from us... 

In the morning we let him open his new baseball bag (first practice is Thursday!) and a couple Lego minifigures (from the surprise packs--though we're pretty good at feeling them out to find the ones we want).  He was very excited about the bag and happy to see his minifigures--a baseball guy and a Native American with a mohawk!

After daycare he got to open the rest of his gifts from us--a shirt and new sports shorts (bright orange!), some Pirates of the Caribbean Legos, and this cool baseball plaque for his wall:

We saw this plaque a while back, and I thought it was cool.  It has a logo for every MLB team on the map, plus a little picture of something from the city, be it the skyline, a landmark, or whatever.  Jacob liked it, too, and I figured it would be a good geography lesson, too.  We had seen it a bunch of times but $20 seemed like a little more than I wanted to spend on something for his wall...but then we saw it on clearance for $10 and I slipped it into the cart without him noticing.  Sweet!

As usual we went out to Red Robin for dinner, and he loved his giant ice cream and being sung to by the waitresses.  By the time we got home it was getting late, but we let him open the box of gifts that he got from Uncle John, Aunt Kristin, Kate, and Max earlier in the day.  He loved his Color Wonder coloring books, giant puzzle, and superhero-themed Chutes and Ladders.  The game was especially timely since he's been playing that game at daycare lately...though based on how he was when we played last night, I don't think they particularly follow the rules!

I couldn't resist taking a picture of Carter the other day when he was sleeping like this:

Arms up!

We've transitioned out of his SwaddleMe and into a sleep sack.  When Jacob was this age he had nice cozy fleece sleep sacks with sleeves, but since it's summer I decided this was the better route, especially since Carter still seems to like to be swaddled to some degree.  This sleep sack has a swaddling option, but I can also leave his arms out.  Usually now I'll just swaddle him loosely and let him work his arms out.  He can roll over now (oh yeah, forgot to mention that he went from his back to his belly on Thursday!  He did it at daycare--doh!--but did it again for me at home, thankfully!), but still hasn't done it in bed so if that seems like it's going to start happening more, I'll stop swaddling him and just leave the arms out.  So far he seems to love the sleep sack, and this position just gets me every time! :)

Saturday I was determined to get to the zoo.  Our membership ended in late May, just as the zoo was having baby animals pop out left and right.  There have been baby lions (though they're only out for an hour a day right now), a baby orangutan, and a baby sea lion!    I couldn't wait to go check them out, but without our membership I wanted to pick a day when we'd get the full value out of the admission price.  However, a few weeks back there was a Groupon for a $25 annual membership to the Niagara Falls aquarium, and one of its reciprocals was our zoo.  Sweet!  So now we can go cheaply again :)

The weather was hot but there was a chance of thunderstorms later in the day, so I wanted to aim for late morning.  However, that pretty much ruled out seeing the lion cubs, who are only out from 3:30-4:30.  Bummer.  But Lori joined us, which was fun, and we headed out.  The sea lion baby was adorable.  So adorable.  We happened to get there as the baby was nursing (awwww)...

Good mama!

Ridiculously cute!  I love the little wrinkles in the skin, almost like human babies who don't have the chub to fill their skin out yet!

While the baby was nursing, the other adult in the exhibit kept climbing up on the same rocks.  The mom would vocalize to scare that one away, and then jump in the water, leaving the baby all alone :(

The baby had this crazy scream it did when it was trying to figure out where its mama went, and it flopped around a bit while it waited for her, but eventually she came back!

I have a video of it, but I haven't posted it to YouTube yet so it'll have to wait to be linked up here...if I can remember how to do that again.

Here's Lori and Jacob as she was trying to help him see the penguins...

Almost a smile on his face...

We cooled off in one of the buildings that had activities for kids, and just like he did the day we went to Strong Museum, he liked playing with the stuffed animals and all of the medical equipment.  He was actually disappointed that the tools were stuck in plexiglass covered drawers and couldn't actually be used.

We saw other cool things, like an elephant breaking a tree branch with its trunk and baboons chasing down peanuts, but the best of the rest was a couple glimpses of the orangutan baby.  Unfortunately, the mama was sleeping in the way back of the exhibit while holding the baby, so all you could see were tiny little feet.  Eventually she moved, and I got to see her walking around a bit with the baby hanging on to her (which the baby will do for nine months!).  The baby was so tiny in comparison!  After she settled back in, I was able to get this shot from outside as she looked through the doorway...

Darn fence...but see that tiny little baby head on the right?  So freaking cute.

Seeing those mama animals with their babies was pretty cool considering how I've been spending my time the last four months.  We had a good time, but it was a hot day and both kids passed out pretty much the second we got in the car. 

That night I dragged both kids out to the mall with me, mostly because I've been dying to go shopping and try to find some clothes that fit me better.  I'm on the hunt for casual dresses, work-appropriate anything, and a nice dress.  I have abused my other dresses and I have a wedding to attend at the end of the summer, if nothing else.  My belly just isn't allowing me to wear a lot of the stuff in my closet right now, and it's getting frustrating.  I had seen a couple sales that intrigued me, so off we went.  In the end I found one cute casual dress at Old Navy on clearance (yes!), and a dress for the wedding.  That was a total debacle, as it was getting late and the store was closing.  Just as I was looking at myself in the dress, Jacob said he had to go potty.  The bathroom in that store is on another floor, so I had to put the dress back in case we didn't get done in time (I liked it but didn't have a lot of time to study myself so I was slightly unconvinced), haul us all upstairs, go to the bathroom, come back downstairs, and try to finish my shopping.  The dress was on clearance for $35, but I had a coupon for $10 off $50 and I wanted to make up the difference with a few things for Carter--mostly mix-and-match shorts that would work with onesies.  I managed to find what I was looking for, so I ran back, got the dress, and checked out literally just as the announcement came over that the store was closed.  Oy.  But at least I got a dress, and upon further review, I really like it a lot.

Craig was back from his roadtrip Sunday morning, and we spent most of the afternoon trying to get the pool officially up and running, then enjoying a family swim while Carter slept inside with the monitor close by.  It was so hot and it made for a perfect day to swim.  Jacob loved it and didn't want to get out!  I still hate that pool, but I'm glad he's finally enjoying it. 

We did have some behavior problems this weekend, but that's content for another post.  We still have a couple weeks before Jacob's party, and if nothing else, that will be a fun time.  I  don't think reality has quite hit me yet that we have a five year old, but it will then.  And it really will in a couple months when we're sending him off to Kindergarten.  Knowing how quickly summer always goes, that time will be here soon enough!

Five (and Post #1,000!)

Dear Jacob,

Today you turn five.  I can hardly believe it.  Five years ago right now I was sitting in a hospital room, possibly as disoriented as I've ever been in my life.  After making it through an exhausting labor and your delivery in the middle of the night, I was already tired and sore...and then the nurse whisked you away because you weren't breathing right, and I spent the rest of your first day unsure of what to do next.  Should I go visit you and risk missing my hourly checkups?  Did I even have the energy to move?  Should I take advantage of the break and try to nap, or work on this blog to share pictures and stories about you with everyone?  In the end I didn't make it down to visit you until the early evening (sorry) because I just didn't know what I was allowed to do, but when I got there and saw your little face, I was completely enamored and amazed.  Despite your problems, you were so perfect.  An awesome little miracle. 

After having a "normal" first day (and first week) with Carter, I now know how much I missed out on with you early on.  As I said, I hardly saw you that first day, and the first week was one of the most difficult times of my life, shuttling back and forth to the hospital, trying to make sure you were fed, and just managing my exhaustion, fear, and inexperience as a new parent.  I think there was so much to deal with that I couldn't just sit back and enjoy it.  Those tiny newborn days go so quickly, and spending that time at the hospital just stunk.  You were a champ, though, and it made us that much more grateful to bring you home. 

Five years later, it turns out that the "not knowing what to do next" thing would be a theme of parenthood.  You definitely keep us on our toes and keep us wondering to try next to teach you how to behave.  You're...well, difficult.  You're also awesome and energetic and passionate about the things you love, but holy cow are you hard to manage sometimes.  Listening and obedience are not your strong suits right now.  I know a lot of that is just being at the age you're at, but I think so much of it has to do with the fact that when you get into something, you really get into it and it takes a monumental effort to drag you away...which probably looks to us like you're not listening or that you're just being difficult.  You are also really into potty talk right now--be it body part/bathroom humor, name calling, or just spewing nonsense that eventually evolves into things you shouldn't be saying.  You like to rhyme, for example, and we've had to outlaw the "Banana-Fana" song because you rhyme things you shouldn't.  It's great that you like to rhyme, but I just wish you'd use it for good, rather than evil.  At some point perhaps we'll laugh about your not-nice rhyming nickname for your brother, but right now it's not very funny.

What I think makes it worse is that we know you're capable of being awesome.  Like I said, you're smart, passionate, and sometimes genuinely funny.  And then you usually take it too far.  But when you don't, you're so much fun to hang out with.  You have a big, happy personality, and it bums us out when it takes a nasty turn.  If only we could figure out how to make your best side stick around more often. 

You ask a million questions and tell countless stories.  I don't want to crush your inquisitiveness or your creativity, but man...sometimes we just need a break!  You come up with a million excuses to not stay in bed at night, and you are incredibly picky about your clothes.  All you want to wear right now are sports shorts, and all of your handsome khaki and plaid shorts sit unused in your drawer.  You still love sports, super heroes, Playmobil, and especially Legos.  Getting you to keep them picked up is a challenge, but I know you're creative and you've got a whole story laid out in your head, so you hate to pick things up and disturb that.  You're also a total daddy's boy and hate to be separated from him.

You've had a very big year.  You took your first plane ride (to Atlanta), you did your first real sport (soccer), you became a big brother, and you graduated Pre-K.  Next week you'll start tee-ball, and this fall you're headed to Kindergarten and will make your first trip to Disney.  You've learned so much this year, from how to color in the lines, to how to write your letters (though we're still perfecting that skill).  I know you're super smart, but I know your Kindergarten teacher is going to have a challenge just trying to channel your energy in the right way. 

While I wish that I could do a little less yelling these days, I am still so amazed at the little boy you've become.  You're a far cry from that little baby, but like I always tell you, you'll always be my baby.  Oh, and this is my 1,000th post on this blog!  Who knew that this silly little thing I started when you were a mere few months old in my belly would turn into something so big and so vital to my sanity?  I'm pretty impressed that I've kept it up this long, and I look forward to the next 1,000 posts!  I'm so proud of you and pray that over this next year we'll start to figure some stuff out.  There's a whole great world out there just waiting for you, but we need to make sure you're ready for it, and you have a lot to learn!  But we love you so much and are so fascinated by the little boy you've become.  Hopefully we all have patience with each other and this next year is the best yet.  Happy Birthday Jacob!  We love you!

Love,
Mommy (and Daddy, too!)

Medical Update

Three of the four of us are sick.  Both kids woke up Friday with sneezing, coughing and congestion, and by Sunday I wasn't much better.  Luckily I haven't been too bad, but I have some sinus pressure, congestion, a runny nose, a scratchy throat, and just a nagging blah feeling.  My energy level is fine (or as fine as it can be considering how tired I am most of the time), but it's not ideal when you're managing two kids, a job, and a birthday, among other things.  Yes, Jacob turns five on Thursday and I pretty much haven't done anything for it.  I just sent out the invites for his party tonight, though in my defense the party is still more than two weeks away.  Jacob has changed his cake request about 10 times, so we'll need every minute of those two weeks!

I took Jacob in to the doctor for his well visit yesterday.  Cold aside, the doctor was happy with what she saw.  Even though he put on quite the show for her while we were chatting, she didn't seem too concerned about his behavior.  She pretty much just recommended a new technique for managing it, and that was it.  Jacob is still not even close to night trained, which is the downside of having a really great, deep sleeper.  She said it's normal until they're six, and until then there isn't much we can do except wait for his brain to figure out that it needs to wake him up when he has to pee.  Getting him up when we go to bed won't work at this stage, so I guess we just have to keep doing what we've been doing, which is nothing.  I also asked about the fact that his poops are huge...like he plugs the toilet about half the time.  While they don't seem to hurt him that bad coming out, afterward he always complains that it hurts and feels like he's still got poop in his butt.  I thought that might indicate a hemorrhoid, but it may just be all the stretching that's going on in his intestines.  Yikes!  So, first we try juice, and then we try Miralax.  Fun.  We finished off the visit with FOUR shots.  Ugh.  I know how important vaccines are, but four seems excessive.  He was so miserable when it happened, and it killed me to have to hold his arms while they did it.  He blamed me (as usual) for it and complained about his sore arms.  Surprisingly, his tetanus shot didn't bother him at all today, and I know that one drove me nuts when I was pregnant!   But overall he's fine.  He's right around the 50th percentile across the board, and he's over 43 inches tall and a little over 40 lbs.  A growing boy as usual!

As for Carter, he still had a nasty cough even before this latest cold started.  It's like a bad deja vu experience because it reminds me of Jacob when he was a newborn and coughed for nine months straight after getting bronchiolitis.  In the end they figured out that his reflux was causing his throat to get inflamed, and that's what's being diagnosed this time.  So, Carter is now on the same medicine that Jacob was (Reglan), which helped with slow stomach emptying.  So hopefully his cough will go away and he'll spit up less.  I'm sad that he's on these medications (still on regular reflux meds, too), but hopefully since he's starting them earlier than Jacob, he'll also get better sooner.  Poor kid.  The coughing pretty much made him throw up twice this past weekend, and that was the last straw .  He's still such a happy kid, but the cold and the cough have been so sad to watch. 

Hopefully summer will stick around for a while and we'll all be healthy soon.  We have too much to do and there is much fun to be had this summer...and no time for sickness!  Let's hope this works!