The Way It's Supposed to Be...

So...today was the day I took Jacob to Strong National Museum of Play.  I'd been promising a day like this since, oh, early this year, I think.  Craig pulled Jacob out of daycare early and took him to the museum, where his cousins were on a field trip.  Since I didn't get to go that time, I told Jacob someday I'd take him myself.  I thought about it over the summer, but the right day never came and I sort of dreaded taking him when kids were off school.  The place is a madhouse on days like that.  The times I've been there have been under those circumstances, and I can see the place from my office so I'm well aware of the madness that ensues in the parking lot alone on holidays.  But today was perfect--a random weekday off.

We got there later than I'd hoped, about an hour after it opened.  The parking lot looked busy, but ultimately it wasn't bad inside.  To be able to roam freely and not have to wait forever to do any of the activities was heavenly.  The kids that were there were mostly well-behaved, which was a pleasant surprise given that most of the times I've been there have been full of cranky kids.  Chalk it up to being with the stay-at-home mom crowd, perhaps.  The kids were also mostly on the younger side, since most older kids were in school.  We also had the benefit of eating lunch later--it was hard to pull Jacob away from the activities--so the usually busy food court was downright deserted when we got there.  All of these elements created a very blissful setting.  In addition, I had convinced myself that this was Jacob's day, so while I did need to keep things moving a bit to ensure we didn't miss anything important, I tried not to rush him.  Keeping that thought in mind (and, of course, physically needing a rest here and there) helped me stay patient.

Jacob was, for the most part, a very good boy.  There were a couple times he didn't want to move on, but for the most part we had a very good day.  And considering he didn't have a nap, it was pretty much miraculous that things went so well.  We saw and did so much, and really had a great time.  As a whole today really was as things are supposed to be (per today's title)...a museum that was at our full disposal, a little boy who was actually a pleasure to hang out with...it was such a nice change of pace!

Here's a bit of a photo rundown of our day, interspersed with tidbits about other things we did that didn't photograph so well...

One of the main exhibits at the museum is Sesame Street...and here's Jacob on the steps of 123 Sesame Street...

In one section there's a vendor cart full of fake food.  Even though half of Jacob's face is blocked by my ice cream order, I still happen to like this shot...

Jacob's favorite part of the day, by far, was part of a visiting exhibit featuring Dora the Explorer, which is ironic since he's not into Dora (or Diego) at all.  How we dodged that bullet, I don't know, but I'm grateful :) Anyway, he loved this animal rescue station where you could treat sick animals.  There were 12 cubbies that held stuffed animals.  You'd grab an animal and put it in an MRI-ish scanner, which told you what kind of animal it was (microchip?) and what was wrong with the animal.  The illnesses changed each time, and each had a recommended treatment.  There were doctor tools there (the standard Fisher-Price doctor kit), as well as an ace bandage.  Here's Jacob in his outfit, complete with stethoscope, ace bandage, and his favorite animal, the otter.

Sometimes the animal was deemed to be fine but the scanner recommended giving it a bath.  There was a tub of fake water, and working dryers.

Jacob probably played in this section for at least a half hour in three different stints.  I took the chance to sit and rest, and at one point chatted with another pregnant mom who was two weeks away from her due date.  She has an 11-year-old boy and a little girl who looked to be just a little younger than Jacob.  She's a first grade teacher, and she's just about ready to be done!  I can't even imagine working a job where you spend most of the day on your feet!

We checked out the superhero section, played a full-body video game controlled by tilting a board we were standing on (very trippy!), and Jacob played on a giant table full of wooden cars, roads, and trees.  He also played in a fake sand box (tiny plastic beads), where we ran into the one nasty kid we encountered today.  She was possibly on a field trip and was momentarily unsupervised.  She threw "sand" against the wall for a bit, and then threw it right at Jacob, on purpose.  I don't like to yell at other people's kids, but I didn't hesitate to tell her than wasn't very nice.  After that, I finally convinced Jacob that it was time for lunch.  We shared a yummy lunch at the Pizza Hut Express in the food court, and headed back out.

Our first stop was the mini-Wegmans.  It's really a cute thing.  You take a tiny cart at the entrance, and pick up five items from the shelves around the store.  A lot of the shelves are full of empty boxes and bottles.  However, the produce, meat, and bakery sections have very realistic looking food, which was the most fun to play with.  Here's part of the produce section...

Everything in the store has a barcode on it, and when the five items have been chosen, the kid gets to play cashier with a real, working register, right down to the conveyor belt.  You get a real receipt, too!  

He then checked out a big boat and lighthouse-styled lookout, and visited a Berenstain Bears exhibit.  He had been talking about this "egg" thing, and it turned out it was there.  You could take the eggs from the chickens and see how they rated.  There was also a thing where you cranked produce up a belt and it tumbled down a series of ramps on the other side, and a place to play dentist on a giant mouth.  He also really enjoyed the restaurant, where he and a couple other kids were serving up all sorts of play food at a diner counter.

Later, Jacob got to run around on a giant ship.  He then discovered a dress-up play stage, and got in a dragon suit.  This silly picture was taken just as he darted out from behind the curtain at me!

He then spent some time in a fairy tale house (part Snow White, part Hansel & Gretel), before we headed up to play a giant version of Connect Four and check out a massive chess set.   We ran back on the big ship, where Jacob put on a captain's coat and practiced writing and drawing.  Eventually we moved on to the Toy Hall of Fame, where we played with Slinkies, a giant magnetic Mr. Potato Head, and sat down for a couple games on an Atari--bowling and Asteroids!  What a blast from the past!

We moved on to the new video game section, which was pretty awesome.  Jacob and I played a giant version of Pong on a lighted floor...

...and I spent a buck to get six tokens (yay for six!!) so we could play some of the classic video games.  I played a giant version of Tetris, old-school Paperboy and Q*Bert, and Addams Family pinball.  Jacob played a driving game and Guitar Hero.  It was cool to see all of the old games, along with displays featuring old home video games like Atari consoles, original Nintendo, and one of those 80s tabletop arcade games complete with a tiny joystick and video display.  We took a quick walk through the museum displays of old toys (dolls, army guys, trains, Barbies, and every other pop culture icon-type toy you can imagine).  It's always fun to see things you own(ed) sitting behind museum glass!

Once we finished up there, we headed back down to redo some of Jacob's favorites.  That meant we were back to the animal rescue station, Wegmans, and Sesame Street.  Here's Jacob playing cabbie to Cookie Monster and Elmo...

I practically had to drag him out of Sesame Street as they were giving us the "15 minutes to close" message.  It had been a long day, but considering how well it went, I was feeling pretty good.  Not too fatigued, and certainly not like we'd spent six hours there!  Everything just felt...good.

Today was the kid-parent equivalent of taking time to smell the roses.  We took our time (mostly) and I let him discover things on his own as much as possible.  I know that this is probably one of the last times Jacob will get that kind of one-on-one, uninterrupted attention, particularly with his baby brother arriving in a matter of three (very busy) months.  I marveled at the big boy he's become (even more apparent in contrast to the younger kids around him today) since the last time I was there with him.  Despite all of the crazy things he's been pulling lately, he has turned into quite the big boy.  You should see his school pictures...and when I get the CD and copyright release for the one I ordered, hopefully I can share one here.  He looks so grown up.  I can hardly believe he's just six months shy of turning five, and kindergarten is really not that far off now.  It's mind-boggling that it's been that long since I was pregnant with him.  In spite of all we've been through, it just doesn't seem possible it was that long ago.

When he's behaving, he can be the most amazing kid ever...smart, clever, loving, charming, silly, and  creative, among other things.  While I often hope this new baby isn't quite the defiant child his big brother is, I hope the lack of that trait doesn't come at the expense of any of these other traits.  It's hard to believe that in a few months we'll start this crazy journey all over again with another child, that we'll have another little boy to get to know as he grows up.  And we'll still have Jacob around to continue to get to know as he grows up.  By the time his brother is his age, he'll be nine and heading into 4th grade.  Holy cow.

Well, this post is long enough and before I lose my mind thinking ahead, suffice it to say it was a pretty fantastic day.  Now hopefully I have a couple productive days ahead...and tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment and we celebrate Craig's 40th birthday, too!  What a week!

Tuesday Randoms

- I forgot to post this picture the other day with the Thanksgiving photos because it was on a different computer.  It's a family shot with our friend, the Champions Cup!  

- Today is my first of four days off.  I had to use vacation time since I didn't use it for Florida.  I worked yesterday to get some usual Monday stuff out of the way, but am off the rest of the week.  I have a list a mile long of random stuff to take care of and shop for, and I'm already trying to check things off.  I got my glucose test done this morning, which was nice to get out of the way without having to worry about work or Jacob.  I came home and did some carpet cleaning.  I know it's probably not an ideal activity for a woman who's six months pregnant, but I did my best to take it easy.  I just did a couple high traffic areas that needed to be done.  Today was perfect, too, because not only am I alone in the house, but it is 65 degrees outside (!) and it's nice to be able to have the windows open, the breeze blowing in, and the ceiling fans keeping air circulating, in hopes that the carpet will be dry by this evening when the boys get home.  I have a couple other must-dos today, like changing some light bulbs outside, and then tomorrow Jacob and I are going to go to Strong Museum for the day.  I've been promising to take him for months, and it seems perfect to go when everyone else is in school.  I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday, which is Craig's 40th birthday, and I'm planning on doing some shopping on Friday.  I have a ton of little things to do in between, from organizing Jacob's overflowing artwork, to filing a ton of paperwork, to going through the stuff in my car that's still in the same tote I threw it in immediately after the accident.  I want to check a couple more stores for big boy furniture for Jacob, and pick up a few more Christmas presents.  It's going to be a busy week, but hopefully it will be a much needed mental health improvement.

- I'm rapidly approaching 27 weeks, and still feeling pretty good.  My belly is pretty formidable these days.  It's definitely rounded out and it's pretty solid.  My belly button is becoming shallower (it never popped last time, in case you were wondering), and the skin has been a little itchy the last couple days, which probably means it's all stretching.  Cocoa butter, you better do your thing!  Looking back at posts from the last time around, things seem to be pretty much status quo.  My energy comes and goes, but if I give myself time to take breaks, things seem to go pretty smoothly.  The baby is moving and kicking quite a bit these days.  He, like his brother, favors the right side of my belly and is frequently sticking a head or a butt in that area and driving me a little nuts when it's low enough to hit my waistband, which is just uncomfortable.  It's nice to know he's in there and moving.  Craig can feel the movements pretty easily now, but Jacob is not very patient so I'm not sure if he's managed to feel much yet.  I'm just trying to enjoy as much of this as I can, since I know how quickly it's going!

- Craig's office is apparently going to throw us a small shower in January.  That means that I need to start thinking about doing some sort of registry.  There isn't a lot that we need, though there are a few things I'd like to refresh or replace, like our monitor.  We can always use diapers, I suppose, and this baby will need some warm winter clothes because Jacob's 0-3 month clothes are mostly onesies, given that our house was perpetually in the 80-90 degree range for most of the first couple months of his life.  So...I have to start thinking about that. 

Well, it looks like the weather is starting to take a turn for the worse and I need to get those outside light bulbs changed before that happens.  Off I go to work on that to do list...

Santa's Year Off?

I know December just started, but Christmas is already looking problematic this year.  A few weeks ago I told the story about Jacob calling me out on the whole Santa thing, asking why he got gifts last year even though he wasn't a good boy.  Well...let's just say that this year, that might not be happening.  I know it sounds extreme, but Santa may not be visiting our house this year.  It's extra disappointing in light of the fact that we could have done a pseudo-Christmas morning this year, since we'll be home the morning of the 23rd, which is a weekend day.  Instead of having Santa come to our house while we're at work/daycare and cramming last-minute wrapping, gift opening, dinner, and travels to Buffalo into one evening, we could wake up like it's Christmas morning and take our time.  It would have been lovely.

But at the moment, part of me is leaning toward Santa not visiting at all.  It seems cruel considering Jacob's only 4, but he's been bad enough at times that we're honestly not sure what else to do.  A couple weeks ago I did a video on the Portable North Pole.  It's a site where you enter in some info about your kid, upload a couple pictures, and get sent a free video of Santa talking to your child.  Santa seems to know a lot of important details, and when I did it two years ago, Jacob totally freaked out because Santa knew too much.  I skipped it last year, but this year we needed a scare tactic so I jumped on that right away.  Even though the video told Jacob he was on the naughty list, it didn't really seem to phase him.  Since then we've been reminding him that Santa said he had some work to do in order to get on the good list.  It doesn't seem to be working, though.

Part of me wonders if the only way to get through to him is to have Santa not show up.  Don't worry, we'll still give him gifts from us, but what if he got nothing (or some coal (candy)) from Santa?  I know it seems drastic, but we're getting desperate.  And this may be the only year we could do this without significant damage.  Think about it--he's old enough to get it but not old enough that it seems like it would scar him forever.  Next year he'll have a baby brother who will get gifts from Santa and it would be even more crushing if Santa left something for his brother and not for him.  I've also been pondering giving him a tablet, which is pricey, so I wasn't planning on getting him a ton of stuff anyway...which means Santa wouldn't have been able to bring much anyway. 

I don't want to suck the fun out of Christmas, but I'm at a loss to teach him to be grateful for what he has and stop complaining about everything.  Tonight we went to the mall.  Craig went to work the Knighthawks booth setup for a bit, and Jacob and I shopped.  He was quite difficult at times and was complaining about not getting some of the things we were looking at because he was convinced that Santa wouldn't know which one he wanted, even though I told him Santa knows and isn't afraid to ask parents if he's not sure.  He didn't believe me and continued to whine. 

After dinner we all went to the Lego store.  A while back before we had a Lego store here, Craig built a baseball minifigure at a Lego store somewhere else.  Later he regretted not making more since Jacob has been trying to build a baseball field out of Lego.  Tonight we discovered that they had the baseball player parts again.  We decided to let him build one, but since you have to do three, we said that he could have the one and he'd have to wait for the rest.  He was very particular about how he wanted to build his guys, and had a couple difficult moments in the midst of it.  Then, when we had them nearly built, he started changing things again.  He kept trying to pick pieces that we didn't need (like a helmet we already had, rather than something that would have been more useful--and when you're paying for these guys, giving in and ending up with more of what we already have is just dumb), but when we tried to steer him back to the other carefully selected pieces he had a total meltdown.  At that point I said we wouldn't be getting anything, and of course he got worse.  As I dragged him out of the store (leaving Craig behind to secretly finish building and buying the guys for Christmas), he hit me in the stomach.  Not. Good.  He lost some privileges as a result of his behavior and yet he still obsessed over it the rest of the night. 

Earlier today he didn't get dressed when I told him to (a recurring issue in the morning), even though I told him he couldn't play on my iPod later if he didn't.  He still asked to play on my iPod the rest of the day.  Eventually I told him that if he was a good listener all day and didn't get into trouble he could earn it back before bedtime, but he wasn't even close.  Now he's lost it for a full week because of his outburst tonight.  And yet it still won't do any good.  It never does.  So maybe Santa's all we've got.  It seems like the only thing big enough to make an impact.  I know it seems wrong and dishonest and not in the spirit of the season, but we're just not sure what else to do.  The constant potty talk, name-calling, and talking back is really wearing on us.  Nothing seems to help and I have a feeling the kids at daycare just validate it all in his mind.  He compares himself to them and is convinced he's fine because the other kids are just like him.  No matter how many times we tell him to worry about himself and remind him that even though other kids are like that, he needs to be better, he just doesn't seem to understand the seriousness of what he's doing.  I know he's only four, but at what point does he need to be responsible for his response to discipline and his behavior in general?  How do we get him to understand I'm not just a "mean mommy" because he needs to go to bed at a certain time?  We just feel stuck and right now Santa seems like the most impactful tool we have. 

I hate that it's come to this.  But what if it works?

Week in Review (and Possible Technical Difficulties)

So, I may have just signed my life away because I signed up for Google+.  I only did it because I think it gives me more storage space in Picasa, the photo site that houses the images for Blogger.  Last night when I went to upload photos from the last week, it was telling me I had reached my 1 GB capacity for a free account.  Only took me five years, I guess.  I love this blog, and could possibly pay $25ish bucks a year to keep it intact and growing.  I also could just cut it off and do a fresh start given our new addition in a couple months, but that's annoying because I like having everything in one place.  So for now I'm trying this, and it appears my photos uploaded correctly, so I'll just cross my fingers for now.

 

Anyway, let's go back to last week.  In between our two meals, Jacob was determined to get into his baseball stuff, and the boys did get to go outside and play some ball before it got dark.  Here's my handsome little man, who actually posed nicely for a change...

As I mentioned last week, after dinner the family--including Craig's Nana--got into a rousing game of Wii bowling.  This picture was taken after Nana got a strike, and even though our nephew jumped into the photo amidst his jubilation, you can still see the joy on Nana's face!

This is a random picture, but I took it anyway.  No, it's not a pumpkin...it's my big belly in my orange sequined tank top.

And here's Jacob enjoying his game of Wii bowling...

After getting back to Rochester on Friday and rushing to get my car, we headed out to the Knighthawks' championship ring banquet.  Against our better judgment, we took Jacob with us.  It took a lot to keep him occupied through some of the more boring parts--including both Craig's iPhone and my iPod Touch, and pen and paper...

Got another good pose from my handsome little man...

Craig was among the special ones who got one of these special engraved lacrosse balls...

Notice his name across the bottom...

And now what we went there for...the bling!

Notice his name along the side...

At the end of the night we won the centerpiece thanks to Craig's upcoming birthday being the closest one at our table, and part of the centerpiece was this little lacrosse stick.  It's much like the one Jacob toted around with him when he was between the ages of about 18 months and three years old, but a better size for him now.  I couldn't decide which of these pictures I liked better, but considering they were taken WAY past his bedtime, they're both pretty darn cute...

Anyway, it was a crazy couple days followed by a crazy weekend.  Then we headed to Craig's great-uncle's funeral in Buffalo on Monday night and Tuesday before heading back to finish off the work week.  I'm finding myself pretty exhausted these days, but I'm not sure if it's because the second trimester glow is wearing off early, or because the past couple weeks have been crazy, or because I'm not sleeping well.  I'm just about 26 weeks now...crazy!  Time is flying and it's not about to slow down now! 

Settling Back In...

It turned out to be a pretty crazy four-day weekend and I can't believe it's already over.  Usually four days away from work feels nearly perfect--enough time to recover but not enough time to get too used to the feeling of freedom.  But this time around there just weren't enough hours in the day to get everything done--including relaxing, which was much needed as well.  I spent much of the weekend decorating the house for Christmas, culminating in finishing up the tree last night.  I took a lot of breaks and watched some TV.  Jacob played and colored (and whined and talked back...).  Craig worked.  He did get his Knighthawks championship ring on Friday night, which was cool.  But he had a full day (literally--he didn't get home until about midnight) on Saturday.  I got my car Friday night, but for whatever reason (cold weather, perhaps?) I couldn't motivate myself to go out to the garage and get my car all set up--put things back in the glove compartment, sort through the stuff I pulled out of my car in a hurry after the accident, set my radio stations, play with the settings, etc.--which I'm somewhat regretting today since I'm now fighting the distraction of wanting to figure it all out mid-drive.  I didn't even start reading Thursday's or Sunday's papers (all those ads going to waste...), and barely got a couple other items on my to do list finished up.  It was still a productive weekend, though.  It's just unfortunate that I am SO tired today.  I was hoping to come back refreshed but that didn't really happen. 

On top of it, we have to head back to Buffalo tonight because Craig's great uncle passed away over the weekend.  We're happy to go, of course, but it doesn't make it much easier to get back in the groove when we're packing up again and headed back down the Thruway after one day back at work.  It should make the week go more quickly, however, and the best news of all is that I'm off most of next week to use up the week of vacation that would have otherwise been used for the trip to Florida.  I have a whole list ready to go for those four days off and I just hope I maintain some level of motivation to actually do it all.  Jacob will be going to daycare all but one of those days, since I promised him that we'd do a mother-son trip to Strong Museum.  I figured we should take advantage since we're able to go at a time when everyone else is in school and the place won't be mobbed.  The rest of the week will be spent Christmas shopping, cleaning, and organizing.  I have a boatload of donations to record for tax purposes, and I'd really like to put my VHS-to-DVD converter to use while I have some large chunks of time to focus on it.  Craig also mentioned spending a day together if he can pull it off.  His 40th birthday is next week but I'm not planning anything elaborate.  Call me a bad wife, but given that I'm pregnant, it's Christmastime, and I'm still mentally recovering from the accident upheaval, I'm just not sure what to do.  Our families are pretty much all in Buffalo, Craig has a Knighthawks preseason game the following Saturday, and Jacob's Sunday School Christmas program is that Sunday.  My parents will be on vacation that weekend and I'm not sure if Craig's immediate family would be up for a trip here just for the few hours we'd have on Sunday evening.  We don't have many close friends, but we do have a good number of acquaintances who I'm sure would be happy to celebrate a bit, so I'm thinking of just putting an open invite out on Facebook to meet us somewhere. Nothing set, exactly, just "We'll be having dinner here and would love if you'd be around at the same time..." or something along those lines.  Is that terrible?

Still, despite everything, being able to go to work in my own car this morning (different though it might be) was one step toward getting back to normal.  Everything still feels a little "off", almost like I just can't entirely process what's happened in the past couple weeks.  Everything was sort of compounded by the holiday and being out of our normal routines as it is.  I'm constantly checking on what I'm bringing with me out of the house, since I've been toting around my garage door opener, parking pass, EZ Pass, and various electronics cords separate from my car for the past week and a half.  I'm just out of my usual groove and it tends to throw everything off. 

Even the mere fact that I'm pregnant is causing me a little bit of disbelief at times.  Depending on how busy I am or how little the baby is moving, it's easy to get caught up in other things and momentarily forget this baby is there.  That's so weird to me considering that my belly is getting hard to ignore, but I guess there's just a lot of other things going on.  Thinking back to my last car accident, I recall this same feeling of being "off", but I also recall a major onset of "pregnancy brain" where I seemed to forget a lot of stuff.  I don't really feel like that was the case this time (or if it was, I haven't remembered any of it yet), but I'm sure pregnancy alone would have complicated a lot of things.  I wonder if I should credit the detail-oriented world of motherhood with keeping the "pregnancy brain" to a minimum thus far, since the million things I need to remember as a mom may be keeping my brain in tip-top shape.  It would be quite ironic since most of the time I feel like a spaz, but perhaps compared to pregnancy brain this is pretty good.  I will say that there's been a prevailing sense of mental exhaustion since the accident, where at times I just don't want to delve into the deeper details of things because it's just too exhausting to think about, but eventually I work up to it and I do what I have to do.  It's all been a bit of a process, but slowly but surely I think things will get back to normal. 

Of course, another thing I didn't do was get out my camera and pull off pictures, so that will come another day, I promise.  Soon. 

Thankful

Obviously there's a lot to be thankful for.  Even before last week we had a lot to be thankful for.  Our home, jobs, families, Jacob, and our little dude on the way.  And then last week happened.  Yet amidst all of the stress, fear, and loss, there was still so much more to be thankful for...that I was safe, that the baby was safe, and it wasn't any worse than it was.  As everyone kept saying, "Cars can be replaced..."  Of course, that feeling of safety and simplicity can't be, which is probably going to be the lasting legacy of this accident.  Every day, twice a day, my commute now stands as this imposing barrier between me and the next portion of my day.  I need to get past the morning commute to do my job, and I need to get past the evening commute to have my night at home with my family.  It's so much more of a burden now, and while I hope that feeling will fade with time, I hope I can keep up an extra eye toward safety in the long run.  Not that I didn't before, but it never hurts to stay extra-aware. 

Anyway, yesterday it was nice to step back and appreciate our lives away from the craziness of the last couple weeks.  We got to enjoy some time with our families, and after days of Jacob being extra difficult, he was actually a sweet, lovely little boy yesterday.  We started the day with church with my parents, with the added bonus of seeing my friend Heather and her husband, who were in town visiting her mom, and being able to wish Heather a happy birthday, on her birthday, in person!  We had a delicious lunchtime meal with my parents, my aunt, two uncles, and my cousin, who were all new faces to have around the table.  The food was awesome--including pumpkin ice cream pie made by my uncle with the recipe from our family's favorite restaurant that no longer exists.  It was a little touch of my grandparents' legacy to finish off our meal. 

We headed out to Craig's family after that.  I was sorry to miss an evening with my extended family, but I was looking forward to another wonderful meal with Craig's family.  Pregnancy has its perks, although between these two meals, even that saw its limits!  The food was once again amazing, and Jacob had a great time with his cousins.  The weather was warm enough to play baseball outside without a coat, and he had a blast!  As we went around the table saying what we were thankful for, this year I had very little trouble coming up with a response.  One that touched me specifically was Craig's Nana's.  She's the only grandparent we have left between us, and she has not been in great health recently.  She's a tough-as-nails woman who has been through a lot in her 93 years.  I value her presence greatly, possibly because she reminds me a bit of my grandpa, who despite his often-gruff exterior, had this undertone of love and pride toward his family.  My cousins and I probably made him nuts at times, but there were moments where you'd see the twinkle in his eye and know he was pleased with the family he had helped to create.  Anyway, Craig's Nana was thankful to be there with the family and hopeful that she'd stick around long enough to meet her newest great-grandchild.  I, too, hope that she will.  In fact, when I found out I was pregnant, that was one of my greatest wishes for this child.  I am still sad that Jacob never got to meet either of my grandparents on my dad's side, and I'm grateful he had the time with my mom's mom that he did.  I barely knew my grandfather on that side and always wished he'd have stuck around longer so I had memories of him, as well.  As I recall, I met one of my great-grandmothers on my mom's side, though I only have vague memories of that.  I knew one of my other great-grandmothers quite well and feel fortunate to have a nice set of memories of her (and one special keepsake) before a broken hip started her long descent.  I know Jacob (and most certainly his brother) won't have memories quite like that, but I treasure the picture I have of Nana holding Jacob when he was a tiny, scrawny baby, and hope to have another just like it with his brother, just so he knows that he met his last great-grandparent and was loved by her even for a short time. 

Possibly the best part of the day was watching everyone, Nana and Jacob included, play Wii Bowling!  Both of them had a bit of a hard time with the controller, but it was so great to see the joy on their faces when they did well.  It was a little hard to capture on film, and I haven't had a chance to download the pictures or video yet, but suffice it to say it was fun to watch! 

As I said, with all of the food even pregnancy saw its limits.  By evening my belly was sore and felt even larger than usual.  I think the added stretch of a full stomach was a bit much for it and I had a hard time staying comfortable.  The baby also wasn't moving very much, which was a little weird and slightly disconcerting.  I felt him enough to know he was there and fine, but all I can figure is that a day of carbs and tryptophan has the same impact on a fetus as it does on its mommy!  Or maybe the full belly made things extra cozy in there and he just snoozed the day away!  He's been kicking as usual today and I'm relieved to be much more comfortable. 

Craig had to work today and I was supposed to be spending the day getting the house decorated for Christmas, but instead I got the fall decor put away and am relaxing a bit while Jacob naps.  Once he wakes up we'll be off to the bank to get the check for my new car, and then we'll rush off to get the car before going to a dinner tonight to celebrate the Knighthawks' championship season.  Nice to know I still have two days to be productive before heading back to work Monday!

Healing and a CURE

Yesterday was an interesting day all around.  Busy again, at the very least, but a lot of emotions (good ones, mostly) running through the day.  Both days this weekend I woke up early--too early--and couldn't fall back to sleep.  I think it was around 6am Saturday and 5:45 Sunday.  This morning was 5:30, so I don't think I really like this trend.  Not sure what the deal is, as I'm comfortable and not particularly anxious.  I'm totally wide awake, too, but I'll admit it's annoying.   However, yesterday I took it as a sign.  We had an event to go to at 11am, which would cut it too close to our normal church time.  So, I figured that if I was up in time and not exhausted, I'd make an effort to go to the early service at our church, which I'd never actually been to before.  It's a more traditional service and it's rare that I'm willingly up and out of the house that early on a weekend.  Normally Craig would come as well, but I knew getting him up that early would be asking a lot given the activities later that day.  Anyway, waking up early obviously wasn't an issue yesterday, and even Jacob was up relatively early.  I made an attempt to get him ready as well, since he seemed to like the idea of going with me instead of going off to Sunday School, but when I figured out that church was actually 15 minutes earlier than I originally thought, I couldn't quite get him ready in time and left him home.  Ultimately, I think there was a purpose in that, as it turned out that I needed that solo morning very badly.  I think Jacob's presence would have infringed on it a bit and I wouldn't have had quite the focus and clear mind that was needed to properly appreciate it.

I got into Craig's car and turned on the Christian station (K-Love) because I know it's an easy preset on Craig's radio.  I was driving along, my first time behind the wheel since the accident, and it occurred to me that going to church was extra important for me on that particular day..  I don't know how to describe it other than to say that I just needed to hear whatever God had to tell me.  Last week was pretty hellish (despite all we still have to be thankful for) and bad stuff like that just doesn't seem to make sense most of the time.  Why was I in that place at that time?  Why did I have to put my safety and the baby's safety at risk?  Why do I now have to spend a lot of extra money fixing this situation, when we're already approaching another financial challenge (more daycare and diapers)?  I just wanted to hear something, anything, that would make any of this make sense.  I'm not normally like that, either, but I was just desperate for something.

As I was sitting at a light, the DJ came on with a verse of the day...Matthew 11:30, which says, "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."  I don't even know if they read the two verses before that, because all I really needed to hear was that one, but for context, they are, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."  Pretty much immediately I teared up.  I don't know what did it...whether it was the idea that God could take this burden and make it lighter, or whether in the grand scheme of things our burden should have been so much worse (due to sin) and (thanks to Jesus' sacrifice) the trials I'm facing now are small in comparison...but ultimately, it didn't matter.  It was something I needed to hear, obviously.  I teared up pretty bad for the next couple minutes before forcing myself to compose myself so I didn't look like a total mess walking into church.

I had a couple moments in church as well (it is ever possible to sing "Amazing Grace" without a hint of emotion?), mostly surrounding the notion of God's grace and how it brings us out of even the worst circumstances into His arms.  There was communion, as well, and even that had an added element of thankfulness and emotion involved in it this week, perhaps a sort of cleansing, if you will.  It was good to be there, for sure, and I came home from it all feeling just a little bit lighter.

Once I got home, we headed out to an event involving one of Craig's clients, CURE Childhood Cancer Association.  They support families of kids with cancer.  Craig has done a lot of fundraising events for them via the Knighthawks for years, and he was bringing out the mascot and a player to their big "Recipe for a CURE" event.  There were hundreds of people there and it was a brunch event with live and silent auctions.  Basically, there were food stations galore--a pregnant woman's dream!  They had stations with omelets, waffles, salads, seafood, carved meats, pasta, breads, crepes, pancake-like puffs, candy, and assorted desserts, much of it custom-made by chefs at each station.  A-MAZING.  The food was fantastic.  They had "kid chefs" at many of the stations, and they were some of the kids the organization helps.  Omelets were the first things we got, and the girl who put our chosen ingredients into a cup to pass down to the chefs was a beautiful 14 year old with big eyes, lots of makeup, long fake eyelashes...and a bald head under her chef's hat.  She's been fighting cancer since March.  I also had a five year old boy make me up a cupcake--totally not according to my specifications, but we were all laughing too hard to really care!  It was really an amazing event...and not just because two people practically dueled it out to the death (of their bank accounts) for possibly the cutest puppy ever that was being auctioned off.

Seeing the profiles of these kids up on the screens and seeing them helping out in person really added a whole different perspective to life as we've known it over the past few days.  Yes, we've had a rough few days, but they could have been scarier and far more tragic than they were.  But our kids (both of them) are healthy and this whole mess will more or less be over within a week or so (aside from the 4-5 unplanned years of car payments).  We're not facing months or years of cancer treatments.  We're not facing the possible loss of a child.  We're not watching them endure horrible, painful side effects.  We're not making a million life adjustments to make room for doctor's appointments or hospital stays.  Many of those kids are younger than Jacob and are facing a lifetime of health issues.  I just can't even imagine.  I have college friends whose three year old daughter had a tumor removed from her spinal cord near her head, and while I don't know for sure that it's cancerous, she's still facing radiation and chemo as part of a treatment study to ensure that she's cured for good.  It's going to be a long road for them, and each time I read one of their Caring Bridge updates, it just hits home how lucky we are.  They are committed Christians so they definitely have a fantastic attitude about it, all things considered, but it's still such a burden to bear.  It makes mine look like nothing.

Although I was stuffed to the gills and incredibly tired by the time we got home, I had to head back out for round two of car shopping.  I walked into the dealership that's closer to us and literally said, "I have two questions--do you have a Corolla in stock in Tropical Sea Metallic, and can you beat the other dealer's price?"  They didn't have my crazy color choice in stock, but they did beat the price, so hopefully within the next week or so I will be the proud owner of a teal-ish green car that I've never actually seen the color of in person...but it looks promising!  I just have to wait for the insurance check, make some decisions about funding, do a couple other housekeeping things, and wait for the car to make its way to the dealer.  It's still going to be a crazy week, particularly with the holiday, but at least I only have to drive five minutes there instead of 20. 

Oh, and I also got a haircut while I was out.  But needless to say, by the end of the day yesterday I was spent.  Between the emotions early in the day, going to the brunch, dealing with a difficult Jacob prior to his late nap, buying a car, a stressful week, and a generally long weekend of errands and too little sleep, I was falling asleep in my chair by about 7pm.  I recovered enough to get some laundry done, read some of the newspaper, and head off to bed early.  Thank goodness for a three-day work week. 

Oh, and one more little interesting moment today...I picked up my rental car this morning, and as I was installing Jacob's carseat, I realized that the radio in the car was already set to K-Love, the same Christian station I was listening to yesterday morning.  The odds of that have to be pretty slim, considering it's not exactly most people's first choice.  It was a good reminder that God's with me through all of this, and that He was already with me in the car, ready for the stressful first drive back on the highway. 

Also, I just did the math, and I'm figuring that despite having two accidents on the same stretch of highway, I've probably traveled that stretch about 3,000 times during the morning commute alone (not counting numerous drives to sporting events, shopping or other things).  That means I've only had incidents there during .06% of the driving I've done there.  Add in those other events and it's probably closer to .05% all-time.  Ultimately it's still an issue of "wrong place at the wrong time" no matter what the odds say, but those odds are pretty tiny and I need to focus on the fact that I've had plenty of good commutes in the meantime, just to remind myself that I can.  I'll be extra careful, though.

Let's hope I can manage a low-stress week and enjoy the holiday to the fullest...