Not such a good start...

Ok, so most of my motherly worrying never comes to fruition. I mean, I worry about things and then plan accordingly (like potty accidents in public meaning that I need to bring multiple clothing changes along for the ride), but most of the really big things never get to the point that I worry they may. Well...turns out my hand-wringing in my last post wasn't all for naught.

I got a call from Craig this morning as soon as I sat at my desk. I asked how things were and he said that last night wasn't exactly the best night ever. At first I thought he just meant that Jacob didn't sleep, but oh no...it was much worse. Apparently Jacob woke up when they got to the hotel in the wee hours of the morning. He was screwing around on the bed, not wanting to sleep, and he fell off. THUMP. He smacked his face on the nightstand and came up bleeding. So, off to the emergency room they went for a few hours in the middle of the night. They glued shut a cut below his eye.

Craig sent me this picture this morning. His eyes always have the dark circles (allergies) and he already had the little cut on his nose (scratched himself in his sleep). You can see a little cut peeking out over the band-aid (a Snoopy one!) but there's a larger cut (Craig guessed an inch...hoping it's not really that big) under there somewhere. It also looks like his cheek might be a little red and swollen at the bottom of the band-aid.

It's so hard to know that my baby went through such a nasty injury and I wasn't there for him. He's fine, running around like a maniac today (no doubt sleep-deprived), but it's hard to know that I wasn't there. I feel bad that Craig had to go through that without me (though luckily he had his parents as support), and I feel sort of helpless knowing that my little boy has this nasty cut and I can't see it up close myself or have any concept of whether it will scar.

I'm trying not to judge the situation because, as I said, it only takes a second. I know that I would have done everything in my power to make sure Jacob wasn't screwing around like that in the middle of the night, but there's a chance even that wouldn't have prevented this. However, part of me is relieved that I wasn't there, only because I'm sure I would have been FREAKING out. So, yeah, there's guilt on that front, too. Maybe all my worrying was just mother's intuition or something. Letting go is never easy, but maybe that foreboding feeling I had had some merit. We'll see how the rest of the trip goes, particularly now that everyone's starting out sleep-deprived.

I'm just sad that my baby got hurt, that I wasn't there for him, and that can't observe the situation myself to calm my fears about (or come to terms with) how bad it is.  I am usually so deeply involved in the goings-on of his life, so to be apart from him when something major happens is such a foreign concept for me.  I feel almost disoriented.

The house certainly felt empty last night.  It wasn't so much Craig's absence, as I'm used to that.  But not having to turn on the baby monitor or check on Jacob before bed, not having to be quiet or avoid his room before he's sleeping deeply, or even just being able to structure my evening as I wished...it was all so weird.  I definitely missed the idea of them, but I didn't really miss the yelling and coercing that comes along with having Jacob around.  I appreciated being able to do one major cleaning project without interruption, and knowing that I have a few more days to finish the rest of the cleaning that I didn't get to.  And yeah, I liked being able to sing along to the Party Favorites music station on the TV and dance the Macarena without the risk of waking up Jacob.  I do miss them, but I know this is just for a few days and I need to take this time to take care of something else I've been missing--a little part of myself.  It gets lost in the shuffle far too easily and I know this is my chance to do something about it without it seeming selfish or directly impacting anyone else.  And for that opportunity, I am truly grateful. 

Me Time

Ok, so the trip is back on and I will be by myself starting tomorrow night through sometime Monday.  I'm having mixed feelings all around, to be honest.  I mean, I want them to go.  It'll be a fun trip for both of them, I think, and it'll give Jacob some good quality time with family he doesn't see as much as would be ideal.  You may be wondering why I'm not going, and it's mostly because I am way behind at work (thanks to vacation, funeral time, and more vacation) and I really can't fathom another 7+ hour car ride each way in the same general direction we just traveled on our vacation.  But I like new adventures, so not being part of this one will be a little hard.  Still, there's going to be some fun stops for them along the way and Jacob's a good traveler, so hopefully they'll have an awesome time. 

I'm a little sad I'll be missing a bunch of (exciting) days of Jacob's life, as that's something I'm not accustomed to.  I've been there for the vast majority of his life--particularly the exciting stuff--so this will definitely be a change of pace.  I've offered up the camera for Craig to take along, which is a big thing for me.  Generally I'm the camera keeper and take all of the pictures (hence why I'm in so few), and I'm just a little nervous about it getting broken or lost or whatever.  Not because I don't trust Craig, particularly, but just because it's not in my possession.  Heck, I didn't even let him take it to Prague.  To be fair, he could borrow a camera from work and I didn't want to be without a camera for any adventures Jacob and I would go on while he was gone.  I've got all of our current pictures saved, though, and it will be fine.  I just want to have a chance to see everything they did, so this is the best way.  And if something happens to the camera, it'll be a good excuse to go out and find a new one that's even better. ;-)

I'll admit I'm also nervous about being away from both of them.  Craig hasn't had extended periods solo with Jacob--evenings, maybe a day here or there, but not 5-1/2 days.  There's a lot of stuff that I just do and don't think about, little nuances of parenting that I may have never imparted to him.  He'll be the one responsible for Jacob's medicines, for remembering to bathe him and brush his teeth, to remind him to go potty (or at least change him before the pull-up fails).  He'll be the main one doling out the discipline, managing bedtime, and holding his hand tightly near traffic.  He's fully capable, of course, but while I'm used to long spans alone with him, Craig is not.  On the bright side, he'll have lots of help from family and plenty of possible distractions.

I won't lie...I worry about something happening while they're gone, to one or both of them.  I think about the guilt I would feel for not being there to help or protect or even go through it with them.  The two biggest chunks of my world are going to be on the road, far away, in an area that just went through a hurricane and could have unstable roads or tipsy trees or distracted drivers.  I've seen too many news reports of vacation car accidents and entire families wiped out in one vehicle to assume that we're immune to something like that.  It can happen to anyone and it only takes a second.  It's one thing to be involved in it, and another to be left behind, powerless.  I can't even fathom.  And of course, I hope I don't have to...but it's there in the back of my mind, regardless.

Finally, the added bummer of it all is the timing.  Tomorrow is my birthday and they're leaving right after work, so I'll be solo for what would have been my birthday dinner.  I'm a big girl and I'll survive, but it's sort of anti-climactic, isn't it?  Also, it's Labor Day weekend, which would have been our last big chance to do any summery stuff that we didn't get to...like another round of mini-golf, the drive-in, the zoo, or one last baseball game, among other things.  Hopefully the weather will hold up and we'll still have some time in September, but it's sort of like having Craig gone for most of Memorial Day...it's a holiday you rely on for fun summer activities, and once again it'll be pretty quiet.  And in general, I will just miss them.  It was hard having Craig gone all last weekend, and now here we go again...except that I won't have Jacob to help me pass the time.

But all that said, part of me is very excited.  Parts of six days alone, free to do what I want, is unheard of in Mommy-land.  Heck, even pre-Jacob I rarely had that much time alone.  Yes, I will be working for two of the days, but I will have at least two days and part of a third completely to myself, plus three evenings.  That's crazy.  I have a feeling only a parent can fully grasp the enormity of it all.  It just doesn't happen.  Ever.  When you're a parent you're on call 24/7.  There's always something holding you accountable--be it work or your spouse or the many needs of your child, physically and emotionally.  The concept of having no one waking me up in the middle of the night or at 7am on a Saturday is nearly unfathomable.  I know I'll probably end up wide awake anyway, but still...I won't have to get out of bed if I don't want to. 

My mornings will be considerably quicker, I can work out when I want, eat what I want, and shop by myself without guilt.  I'd say that I don't even know what to do with myself, but that's not the case.  I already have a list of things that I need to do, either because I haven't taken the time or haven't had uninterrupted time when I was energetic enough to get them done.  I need to balance my checkbook, caulk the tub, clean the house, file paperwork, change a faulty door knob, and organize photos and MP3s.  I sort of feel like these days are my opportunity to catch up on the million things that I never take the time to do...and hopefully relaxing is on that list, too. 

To be honest, the break couldn't come at a better time.  I need to catch up on so many things for the sake of my mental health, and Jacob is driving me nuts, too.  He's been difficult for a while, but I feel like the last few weeks especially have been a constant barrage of the word "no" and any other sort of defiance Jacob can churn up.  You can ask him to do one simple task, like pick up his stuffed animals and put them on his bed, and by the second animal (of 30) he's screwing around and doing something else.  Getting pajamas on is a major process with multiple interruptions.  Trying to get him to do anything--go upstairs, go potty, eat dinner--is met with serious resistance.  All the time.  Then came today.  Yesterday I was a little surprised because Jacob had a little poop in his underwear.  He's had track marks before, but this was a little bit of actual poop, for the first time ever.  But when I got to daycare today, he was wearing a different pair of shorts and his hoodie, with no shirt.  Turns out he went through two other pairs of shorts, two shirts, and two pairs of underwear...complete with one massive poop.  When I got home and went downstairs to wash it out, I was stunned.  There was a ton in there.  Ridiculous.  Thankfully I am a master poop remover with OxiClean and hot water, so I think I salvaged the undies, but man, was I ever angry.  Then Jacob proceeded to be difficult enough that I got more upset and we ended up not going out for a birthday dinner.  I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I'm seriously starting to wonder if he is showing early signs of ADHD.  I've read a couple things about it in the past couple days that sound all too familiar.  He's still young, but it feels like things are getting extreme.  I hope not, for his sake, but for ours it would be helpful to know why he's being so difficult and how we can manage it.  Withholding things, spankings, lectures, counting...nothing seems to work. 

So while I'm worried about how nuts he might make Craig, God knows I need this break more than ever.  I feel guilty about not being there, but I also feel guilty about being happy they're going and grateful to have the time to regroup.  I just can't win...mommy guilt gets me every time.  Give me a few days and we'll see how it goes...  

College...

Ok, so even though college seems light years away right now for Jacob, I have no doubt that the time will come in the blink of an eye.  In 15 years from right about now, we'll hopefully be sending Jacob off to college for the first time.  Scary.  As it is I remembered last Tuesday morning as I was driving home from Buffalo that I had taken that same path 15 years earlier to the day, as a passenger stuffed in my parents' backseat with all of my stuff, on my way to Geneseo for the first time.  As vividly as I remember that time, and as quickly as those years have gone, I can only imagine how quickly Jacob's entrance into the college world will arrive.

I am well aware that the college experience I had is far different than anything Jacob will have.  Heck, the college experience of kids today is already far different, and in 15 more years I can't imagine how things will have evolved further, particularly as far as technology is concerned.  For example...

I didn't even use the internet until the summer before college when we got our first PC and did the slow, obnoxiously loud dialup logon to AOL.  My first college emailing was done on green screened terminals, and our email system was a DOS-based program the whole time I was there.  Not everyone had a computer, so computer labs were often full enough that you sometimes had to wait in line.  Instant messaging didn't become popular until sometime during college, though our primitive email system did have a way to do it with friends at some other colleges, and what a novelty that was!  It was great to talk to an old friend in real time, because, of course, none of us had cellphones and long distance calls cost money! 

I brought my old Apple II GS to college sometime during my freshman year to write primitive looking papers in the comfort of my own room.  I kept it until sometime during my junior year when my parents upgraded and gave me their old computer, a real PC that could produce papers according to professor specs.  Even then, of course, the computer had a massive tower, so it was a pain to cart there and back each year.  Now all incoming freshman must have a notebook PC.  As in mandatory.  Wow.

When I was in college, only a handful of people I knew actively used cell phones.  I only got one for emergency purposes when I got my car senior year.  It wasn't quite a Zack Morris phone, but it was a good three times larger and heavier than my current one.  Texting was unheard of, let alone having the internet on it!  MP3 players didn't exist, so most of us lugged a CD player (maybe with a cassette deck!) with us to school.  And anyone who brought a TV was bringing a clunky tube TV that weighed a ton.  Oh, and we weren't allowed to have microwaves in our rooms unless it was part of the micro-fridges that the college rented out.  Long live the hot pot (though I never had one)...

We had to resort to primitive means to feel out our assigned freshman roommate.  An awkward phone call was pretty much the standard.  We couldn't friend them on Facebook and stalk them carefully, nor could we email beforehand to work out little details.  I have a feeling most kids are already well aware of everything having to do with their roommate ahead of time now, between cell phone chats, Skype sessions, emails, texts, and Facebook.

When I went to college there wasn't this mass marketing attack of "must-haves" for college.  At best they pushed some bath totes, crates, and desk lamps.  Now there's oodles of bedding choices made for all your XL-Twin bed needs, in every pattern you could ask for.  They push furniture of all types (so you either better be living in an apartment or suite, because God knows the standard corridor-style dorm room will be lucky to fit the provided furniture).  There are thousands of accessories for your technology needs, and a vast assortment of anything else you might possibly need while away from the comfy confines of your parents' house--all color coordinated and extra modern, no doubt.  We also couldn't poke holes in our walls to decorate (asbestos and all--so we had to stick with the existing cork strips, or use tape or that blue putty), so what I wouldn't have given for today's assortment of lovely removable wall decals...even if I still look back fondly on the mishmash of stuff we had on our walls each year.

I saw something in the paper yesterday about Geneseo's tuition, and when I looked up the full cost of a year, including room and board, I almost choked.  I knew the cost had gone up, but I had no idea it had nearly doubled.  For a state school, no less.  And here I was feeling ever-so-slightly comfortable that our years of daycare spending were setting us up for an acceptable college-funding budget down the road.   Not anymore.  Room and board alone is twice the cost of tuition.  I guess Jacob will really have to work his butt off and find as many scholarships as possible--not that we wouldn't have expected that of him anyway, but there is no other option now.  Nothing like pressure to achieve starting at the ripe old age of three.

I know the Geneseo campus itself has changed a lot.  There's a Starbucks in the Union, a new food court in a formerly vacant dining hall, two new dorms, new townhouses, a new science building, frou-frou themes for certain dorms, and a bunch of reworked spaces.  Students now will never know what it was like to walk across the freezing tundra through horizontal rain and show (because townhouses are there now).  The trend now is toward suites or shared bathrooms, which means fewer students will get the uber-social experience of corridor-style dorming.  Geneseo itself has changed, with a new Super Walmart, an Applebee's, Tim Hortons, and quite a few more shopping options than we had.  More than anything, perhaps, there was a certain element of fear and excitement about the whole experience--being a bit more cut off from home and old friends and starting completely fresh--but now technology eliminates that almost completely. 

I know that you can't really stop technology, and colleges need to do what they can to keep up with trends and make things unique and exciting.  There's really no stopping any of this, and I feel a little fuddy-duddy as I talk about the "old days" and how students don't know how hard we had it back then (comparatively, I guess).  The funny thing is that despite all of the improvements and changes, college kids these days are probably still complaining about things just as much as we did--bad food, broken technology, boring professors, too much work, uncomfortable beds.  Or maybe not.  Maybe the whole experience is still just as overwhelming and scary, or maybe it's only that way because (as many articles out there will tell you) kids are generally coddled more nowadays.  Helicopter parenting, toned down playgrounds, trophies for winners and non-winners alike...the articles (like this one and this one) will tell you that kids aren't learning coping mechanisms, so despite all these additional luxuries, they may be no better off than we were. 

Getting back to Jacob, it's hard to imagine what the college world will be like with 15 more years of change before he heads in that direction.  If I'm this far out of touch now, it scares me to think how unqualified I will be then to give him college advice.  But I guess our job in the meantime is to guide him along and give him opportunties to grow into a kid who will adjust nicely, no matter what the future will bring.  Such a tall order...but we've got some time to figure it out, right? :)

Fading Fast...

I was all ready to blog about my simultaneous joy and angst about a potentially solo weekend coming up next weekend, but the weekend arrival of Hurricane Irene changed those plans.  Craig and Jacob were supposed to be going on a trip with most of Craig's family. However, their destination was in the Mid-Atlantic region, pretty much right in the path of Irene at this point.  Our nephew's baseball tournament that they were going to watch has been postponed, so the good news is that I won't be alone on my birthday, but the bad news is that I won't get to experience days of solo time for the first time in years.  So much for that to do list...for now, anyway. 
This weekend, Jacob and I have been on our own.  Craig is on the road again...but with an added twist this time.  He's at the Major League Lacrosse Championship weekend, and the team he works for (the Hamilton Nationals) won yesterday and are playing for the championship today.  What's the twist?  Well...the games are taking place in Annapolis, MD, which means he was right in the middle of the big red streak you've been seeing on your TV screen the last few days, the storm track for Hurricane Irene.  They were on the edge of the worst part of it, but Annapolis had a lot of the boarding up, taping windows, and sandbagging that you usually see with these storms.  The wind and rain were pretty awful for yesterday's games, but other than some residual wind, they should be fine for today's game.  Still, it was pretty nervewracking having him there, and we're still not sure how his flight home is going to go.  It was canceled, but now it's back on because it's late enough to be after the airport reopens.  We'll see.  Needless to say, it's been an eventful trip.

In the meantime, I'm going to bemoan the end of summer.  It wasn't that long ago that I was concerned about how long it was taking for summer to get going, and now here it is, the second to last weekend of summer.  If I look at my pictures I'm surprised at how much we did.  But there were so many things on the list that we didn't do, or didn't do enough of.  We went on vacation, we went to baseball games, we played outside, we kept our pool clear, and we went to all sorts of picnics and parties.  But we didn't do nearly enough mini-golfing or zoo visiting, we didn't make it to the drive-in, we didn't go to a Rhinos game (but we did see one game for the WNY Flash women's team, which won the league championship yesterday), and we didn't spend nearly enough time in the pool (heck, Jacob never went in!), on our patio, or enjoying our new porch furniture.  The weather was lovely (albeit HOT), but the bugs were brutal making evenings tough.  I finally got around to riding my bike, but not as much as I would have liked. 

At the end of day (or perhaps, the summer), I don't think I'll ever feel like we squeezed all we could out of our summer until one or both of us doesn't spend all day every summer weekday sitting in an office.  That's such a huge chunk of time that could have been spent doing all that other stuff.  I know it's impossible, but still...there will only be so many summers when Jacob is young, and it's a bummer to know we're missing out.  It's hard, though, because I often wonder if we should have better use of our time...but I also know that Jacob's interests aren't that broad and he's happiest just playing baseball in the front yard.  Tough balance between fulfilling his wishes and pushing him to try new things (and getting done what we have to do, too).  Not enough hours, that's for sure.

I know that it's only the end of August and we still have at least a month of decent temperatures and pleasant weather.  The risk of crappy weather increases, of course, but my hope is that we can fill some weekends coming up with a few of the items above now that Craig's work will be slowing back down again.  And beyond that are the crisp, cool weekends of October, the pumpkin patch, fall leaves, and the start of hockey season--but without the hardcore work schedule that has always been a part of that time in our life together.  Ramping down the pressure to always be doing something fun and enjoy the weather isn't such a bad thing sometimes.

Even still, the loss of pristine warm weather and the full time fun that comes with summer is a bit of a bummer.  I don't like knowing the weather will only get colder and the days will only get shorter.  Crisp, warmish fall days are always a little bittersweet...beautiful weather and blue skies are great, but knowing that it's the beginning of the end is a little sad.  I always associate those kind of days with going back to school (which I don't miss), those first few weeks back at college (which I do miss), and the kind of day it was on the September 11th, ten years ago. 

I know we need to maximize the rest of summer (it does go a few weeks into September, after all), but I'll be sad to see it go.  If all goes well, our entire world could be changed up by next summer, so I guess it's hard to see this one go knowing that it might be a while before things are back to some semblance of normal during this sort of summer weather.  Crazy. 

Well, since it's not that nice today (thanks Irene), I'm off to take a bit of a nap.  Much needed...as always.

Full House

As I mentioned last week, I was super excited for the arrival of my brother's family in town last Thursday.  Once John, Kristin, and Kate had touched down in Buffalo, I just had to survive some work craziness before we'd be poised for another round of the fun and controlled chaos that comes with having six adults and two kids staying in one moderately-sized house.  We had a lot of fun at Christmas watching the kids interact, and I couldn't wait to see how it would go this time around with wider vocabularies and more developed personalities. 

In the end I had to work a half day on Friday and we didn't get on the road until 3ish, after I could finish packing and after Jacob's nap at daycare.  Once we arrived we got ready for a casual, open house-type evening for anyone to drop by and see the Portland crew.  It was a lovely evening and after most of the visiting was over, eventually we headed outside to play.

(Ok, so she actually threw the ball up into the net, not down through the hoop, but it sure looks good, doesn't it?)

Taking a break in little chairs...

The next day the kids and the men got to go visit my mom's cousin's house, which is full of trains and baseball cards, among other things.  Unfortunately I don't have any pictures of that, but the kids seemed to have fun.  The women stayed home.  I took a run while my mom and Kristin worked on food for the family reunion that afternoon, and then after lunch the kids went down for a nap and I worked on my contribution to the picnic.  As soon as our respective children were up, we were off to East Aurora, to my dad's cousin's house.  The house has a huge yard and the kids (particularly Jacob but also Kate, and my cousin Todd's kids, Jaxon and Jordan) made good use of it for various sporting endeavors--baseball, soccer, volleyball, track ball, badminton, etc.

Kate learning to play baseball

My little baseball player

Silly girl holding on to her daddy

Isn't she just the sweetest thing?

Probably one of my favorite pictures of the entire weekend...but I'll give credit to Grandma for making her smile, because she was crouched there to "get" her every time Kate swung close...

The picnic was great, though by the end the kids were happily playing inside with a bunch of Legos.  Craig even made an awesome Zamboni!  Somehow Jacob stayed awake the entire ride home despite my best laid plans to have him fall asleep in the car, but fortunately he went down pretty well.  Every bedtime over the course of the weekend was fraught with issues--mostly that Jacob didn't want to sleep in the computer room, at least not alone.  Granted, it was a different place than he usually sleeps, in a pack-n-play that's getting too small for him, with an elliptical machine towering over him in the dark.  He wanted someone to sleep on the floor, called to us constantly, woke up multiple times in the middle of the night, and made me extra crazy since I didn't want him waking up Kate in the next room.  Plus we were sleeping downstairs so it was a long, tired sprint each time.  Yuck.  Somehow we survived without any major incidents, but suffice it to say that both Craig and I are tired after some iffy sleep for a few nights.

Sunday we got up for church, where my dad sang a lovely duet, then rushed over to my parents' old church in time for a ceremony dedicating the church office to my Aunt Karen's memory.  It was funny being back there for the first time in a long time.  We saw a lot of familiar faces, some looking much older than the last time I had seen them.  I told Jacob that this is where Mommy and Daddy got married, and my mom showed him around when he desperately wanted to see the church.  Both kids got to enjoy some post-ceremony cake, though Jacob must have really enjoyed it because he had a total meltdown asking for more.  Ugh.  It made for a long morning for both kids, and we were quite relieved when lunch was over and naptime commenced.  John and I spent a little time over at my grandma's looking around (I brought back another bag of stuff), and by the time the kids woke up, it was almost time for my parents to head out to a family party for the older generation, a fancy shindig thrown by my dad's relatives.  We'd gone to a similar one over four years ago at the holidays.  That left us on our own for dinner, and my cousin Todd, his wife Cathy, and their kids (the aforementioned Jaxon and Jordan) came over for pizza and wings.  The four kids had fun.  The boys played knee hockey with Jaxon's little nets.  They also created a Hot Wheels track and had a great time with that.  After my parents got home and the kids were in bed, we headed over to Todd & Cathy's for some beverages and conversation.

Monday morning, my parents, John, and Jaxon went golfing and Kristin, Kate, Craig, Jacob and I met Cathy and Jordan at a park in town.  It was a cool morning, partly cloudy and with a cool breeze when the sun went under.  Cathy came prepared with bubbles and kites, and Jacob had the usual sporting equipment.  He spent a lot of time kicking around his soccer ball and football while the girls tried to fly kites (some success!) and blow bubbles...

Such a sweet girl, happily blowing bubbles...

Big girl!

The kids swung together (momentarily)...

And then we tried to get a cute picture of the two of them...

Sadly, this is as good as it got!

After a fun and entertaining lunch at Burger King (across from the park), we headed back to my parents' house with all three kids to meet the rest of the crew.  We tried for more pictures and this is again as good as it got...

Notice the matching Kids' Meal toys in their hands--little keyboards, big hit!

We enjoyed some time outside before dinner.  Around that time Craig left to go work a lacrosse game in Canada (sort of a last minute thing, and it turned out it was easier for all of us to stay over one more night so Craig could drive my car up and back--so one last night and an early morning).  While we were outside, Kate discovered the joy of picking vegetables out of the garden.  Here she is showing off a cherry tomato she picked all by herself!

She also got in on the action when the boys were playing baseball...

I think the look on Grandpa's face shows how into it he gets with his grandkids!

I kept trying to get a good picture of either kid, and I got this interesting one of Jacob.  Keep in mind he never stops moving, so it's a tough prospect.  What makes this one weird is that the background is moving (not just out of focus) and yet Jacob is clear.  All I can figure is that we were moving at the same exact speed...

We tried yet another attempt at getting a good pic of the cousins together, and this is the best I got.  It's amazing how two children can't seem to smile and look in the right place at the right time, together.  Multiple attempts, multiple cameras...and wow, not a perfect one in the bunch!

Finally the golf clubs came out, and I just love this picture of Kate looking through the golf bag pocket...

We did more bubbles and then some chalk, and finally it was dinnertime...one last crazy meal!  Later in the evening my Uncle Ron came to visit, and before it got too late, we brought out my s'mores maker (basically a little setup using cooking fuel (for chafing dishes) and metal skewers on a turntable) and did some s'mores for everyone.  YUM.  After that it was Kate's bedtime.  It was time for one last round of hugs, and I managed to get this picture of the kids hugging goodbye...and it may be my favorite of the bunch!

After bedtime John and Kristin ended up going back to Todd and Cathy's for one last evening.  I stayed with my parents and relaxed a bit, and the evening ended quietly since I had to be up crazy early.  And that was that.

It was a fun visit and the kids were very entertaining.  They imitated each other, talked to each other, and played together a little less than last time but still got along beautifully.  Jacob was definitely difficult, though, which stunk.  Seeing Kate definitely solidified how much I want a girl...because seeing a little girl prance around and do things so sweet and girly provided a sharp contrast to my rough-and-tumble little boy.  I love Jacob beyond words, but oh, how nice it would be to relate to a girl as well.  She was so cute, and it's still mind-blowing how much she looks like my mom (and John, too) when she was little.  I've never felt like the genes were that strong in our family (I look nothing like John and only vaguely like my parents), but wow, is she ever an Ellman...with big eyes courtesy of Kristin.  I can't wait until my new little nephew is born in November, and even more to be able to visit him.  The visits to my parents' are always fun, but admittedly it's a bit chaotic...busy mealtimes, bedtime struggles, jockeying for seats in the family room, trying to keep things relatively neat, etc...it's not always easy, but in the end it is so worth it.  Of course, we're the ones who get to drive in.  I can't imagine flying.  I spent so much time with my cousins growing up and it's a little sad that Jacob doesn't see his as much...once a month, if that, on one side of the family, and a couple times a year, if that, on the other side.  We do what we can, I guess.  But it was great to see everyone and I wish we could have spent a little more time together.  I guess it's never enough...but it was fun while it lasted.

Quick Update

I really wanted to do a real post tonight, but between grocery shopping, a late dinner, lots of unpacking, cleaning up, laundry, and other random web surfing that distracted me, it's not happening.  I'm exhausted and can't wait to get to bed.  We ended up staying at my parents' an extra night because Craig had to go to a lacrosse game in Canada and staying over was the best way to do it.  We got up at 6am and drove back to Rochester bright and early.  Needless to say, it's been a long day.  And add that on to a busy end of last week (working through my office picnic, working an unplanned half day Friday, driving to Buffalo after lunch), a busy weekend (which I will report on soon), and generally iffy sleeping (late nights, air mattress discomfort, lots of Jacob wakeups), and it's amazing I'm still awake right now!

Still, we had a lovely time and it was great seeing John, Kristin and Kate.  Kate is beyond adorable, and I have the pictures to prove it!  The kids probably didn't interact as much as they seemed to last time, but they didn't fight or anything either, so all in all I think it was a success.  I'll have the full rundown soon.

For the record, I did not feel the earthquake today.  Neither did Craig.  Apparently the whole other half of my office did, but there's something funny about my side apparently, as the only two people on my side did not feel it.  I was nicely caffeinated today in hopes I'd stay awake and get my work done effectively.  It seemed to work.  Still three more days to go...but you know, I really need to stop doing that because summer is just fading away.  My birthday is in a week, and that's never a good sign for anything except a day off.  Fall is far too close.  Craig is on the road this weekend and I have yet to decide if Jacob and I are staying here or heading out to Craig's family picnic.  I feel like we've done nothing but travel, but I don't like missing family events I physically can make.  We'll see how the rest of the week goes.  We all need sleep.  First things first...and speaking of which, I can hardly keep my eyes open.  Good night...

Bad Day

Today was not a good day.  Today was one of those days where I just wanted to walk out of work and never go back, a day where stay-at-home mom-dom sounded far better than what I was doing.  I don't have a lot of those days, at least not if I think long, hard and logically about it.  It's one thing to have a bad day and another to think about my frustrations with Jacob increased to every hour of every day.  I've discussed the topic here many times, and there are pros and cons to all of it.  More time to get everything done--house stuff, Jacob stuff, etc.--but more time to spend trapped in the house with him when he's not in a good mood or begging for attention or wanting to play sports with someone every hour of every day.  I'm not sure which one truly wins out, though that's why I've said that in a perfect world I'd like to work part time...just enough time for both.  However, it's all for naught as I can't leave my job anyway, for financial reasons.  And truly, most days I'm not dying to quit.  My job has some great elements and the pay is among them.  While it's not crazy high, it's significantly higher than it was when I started and it feels like a respectable salary for the position, which is not something I had in my old job.  But over the past couple years the job has certainly changed to something I'm not entirely comfortable with, and it leads to a few more of those days where it almost doesn't seem worth it. 

Today was our office picnic, and when everyone else was heading out to eat Dinosaur BBQ and drink beer, I was stuck at my desk in tears because I have a project that needs finishing by tomorrow and I'm supposed to be taking a vacation day.  It's a brutal project, one I'm not well-versed in.  With a different timeline (one I'm partially at fault for--bad time management, but I'm so busy that it doesn't matter anyway because something's got to give), it might not be so bad, but the time crunch is brutal.  I ended up working a full day today and I still have to go in tomorrow, on my vacation day.  I'm hoping to just work a half day, but if it's not done, I can't leave. 

This is all extra stressful because, as I mentioned previously, my brother and his family are coming in...and they should actually be at my parents' house as I type.  We only have a few days to spend with them and I want to maximize that time for the kids' (and grandparents') sake.  It was great watching the kids together at Christmas, and I want to savor every moment again this time around.  But my job could get in the way, and it's killing me.  If it was a project I had a good handle on, it might not be so bad.  But because it's something I don't do often (I'm mostly doing it because someone else is busy, even though they want me to do more of this type of thing), I'm having a hard time with it and it's making me crazy. 

So, after missing my whole picnic today and giving up at least part of my vacation day tomorrow, I'm not too happy.  I went to the gym tonight to run out my frustrations, and ran my first mile in 8:34.  I took a walking break but still ran three miles in 30 minutes, which I hadn't done in a long time, at least since my knee issues back in June, just after my great run in the Corporate Challenge.  It felt great to run it out and I wasn't on the verge of tears anymore like I had been most of the day.  But tomorrow looms and I'm worried.  I don't want to stay any later than necessary.  This weekend is supposed to be family time, and it's time I can't get back.  It kills me that I even need to be in a situation like this, because it's just another example of how I feel stretched and like there aren't enough hours in the day.  It's getting more and more frustrating, but right now I don't have a choice.  Wish me luck...