My third Mother's Day is approaching. Unlike most other mom-specific things that I've only been able to partake in over these past three years, I don't feel like I've grown much older and wiser by the third time around. I mean, last year I discussed the importance of deferring to the elder mothers in our lives, and I definitely still think that way. And this year, I proved it. More on that later. But that seems to be as wise as I've gotten, and beyond that I haven't quite figured out how I should be celebrating this holiday--at least when it comes to myself. Is the day about me, or should it be about the people who helped make me a mother?
The first time I blogged about Mother's Day was when I was pregnant, and I wasn't sure how I should be celebrating it then either. I didn't feel like I'd earned the right to celebrate with the moms, having never changed a diaper or been up all night with a sick child. Pregnancy is an amazing experience, a special rite of passage, but it was definitely the easy part of this whole gig. Looking back I know it was still a big deal and put me among very special company, which is probably why so many people felt compelled to wish me "Happy Mother's Day" back then. I still know that I hadn't even begun to earn the title of "Mother" at that point, hence my hesitance to accept the Mother's Day wishes.
Three years later I've survived the infant stage, seen many milestones, and been insanely tired for at least 34 months straight...so even though I will gladly accept the wishes these days, I know I still have a long way to go in this mothering thing. And it's why I will still defer to our moms and their moms on this very special day. No matter how much I may wish for a quiet day at home, some time to relax and do things that I might be jonesing to do, for now I'll enjoy celebrating other moms who have come before me and salvage my "me time" somewhere else. For example, this morning I left Jacob with Craig for a while to go outside and do some trimming and weeding in our yard. While it's not my perfect idea of fun, it does make me feel better and I do love my powerful trimmer I got last year. The time to get stuff like that done is huge, though, because it's one less thing I need to obsess over every time I come home or look out the window. After the trimming I requested another half hour or so away so I could go for a run. I felt like I needed it, for a lot of reasons.
It's been a rough week all around. I've been dealing with moodiness that I think has to be associated with the prednisone. I don't like being so cranky all the time, but it's been a tough battle to fight. I've been in a bit of a fog, not feeling great, tired, distracted...and when you add in work and motherhood to it all, it's hard. Last night we decided to grab some dinner out and do a little shopping, and Jacob was rather difficult. It wasn't until about halfway through that I realized I'd been wiping his nose all night and his cheeks were really red. He wasn't hot, but it became apparent pretty quickly that he had come down with a cold. He got increasingly miserable, and with how I was feeling, I started pondering just staying home this weekend. Craig had to work in Hamilton later today, so he was coming in today regardless and I wasn't making a separate trip if we didn't make it with him. Our only set plans were brunch with his family on Sunday, since my parents had said it wasn't necessary to come in since we'd just seen them the past couple weekends. But after two weekends of travel and one more coming next weekend, I started to get a little overwhelmed by it all. There's a lot I want to do every weekend, but with all of these other plans, those things hadn't been happening. Jacob's cold (combined with my iffy state all week) seemed like a hint that maybe it was time to just stay home and give myself a break.
We had a rough night with Jacob being up and miserable, though Craig did an awesome job with him and I was able to salvage a decent night of sleep and a minor sleep-in this morning. After breakfast and the yardwork, I felt like a run might be the one thing that could salvage the weekend. I felt like a good workout Thursday brightened my mood (and similarly, that a lack of a workout on Tuesday made me feel worse), so I thought the run might give me enough energy to power through packing, another night away, and one more weekend of not accomplishing my long to do list. I'm not sure if it exactly energized me, but it cleared my mind enough to convince me that it was important to put my own stuff aside and just celebrate Mother's Day the way it's supposed to be celebrated.
I haven't earned the right to have Mother's Day revolve around me, though I do appreciate the little perks I may be able to glean from it in the meantime. I have many years down the road to mold Mother's Day into something closer to what I might want, but for now I'll enjoy the time with family and graciously accept the good wishes I get. Being a mother is a very special thing, about so much more than one day, so I try not to get caught up in the hoopla regardless. It's a day I'm hesitant to call my own anyway, particularly in the presence of those more seasoned than I. Someday Jacob will understand it a little more, and maybe there will even be another child to boost my status in the mothering ranks. No doubt I'll be that much more exhausted, wishing that much more for a day off to indulge in myself. Yet I can't help but think that the lessons I'm learning now--that family reigns supreme and that it's about so much more than me--will leave their mark and the day of solitude will never come to pass because I won't want it to. Or if by some miracle it does, it will feel like something is missing. Once a day for family, always a day for family. I wouldn't be here without them, so why would I spend my day any other way?
We'll see, I guess...I've got a lot of years to figure it all out, one philosophical blog post at a time. But in the meantime, Happy Mother's Day :)
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Czech Mate
I'll apologize now for what I foresee approaching--a series of angsty blog posts in the next few weeks as Craig gears up for what is looking like a very probable 10-day trip to the Czech Republic. His funding seems to be falling into place, and it appears he's gotten the go-ahead from work, so as of now all systems are go. It's obviously very exciting for him, and I am doing my darnedest to not be a killjoy. My efforts are no doubt being thwarted by my current run-in with prednisone, or at least, that's all I can figure it is. I'm on day six of a 14-day course of steroids (in combination with an antihistamine nose spray) to tackle the smell and taste problems I mentioned last week. The diagnosis was that my nasal passages are swelled up, and it's probably preventing good airflow from reaching all of the smell receptors. The steroid should help tackle the swelling and get things back to a treatable point (allergy-wise), but so far I've only noticed a little bit of change. I smelled perfume very strongly most of the day on Tuesday, and I think I'm tasting my food a little more now, but I'm still not cured. Certain tastes are still vague, and at the very least, I still can't smell poop. Even Jacob noticed that his diaper pail stunk when I was changing out the bag last night, but alas, I did not. Still, I'm holding out hope that this assault on my body is worth it. I feel like crap right now. By all accounts I'm functional, but I feel anything but. I'm tired, my mind is a little all over the place, I have horrible dry mouth and throat, I'm a little nauseous yet always snacky, and I just feel like I'm in a general fog, minus the head pressure that usually comes along with that feeling. Oh, and I feel like a raging witch (or, you know, that other word). I'm just sort of cranky and unhappy. Even with the return (finally) of the sun, my mood is still crap. I simply want to go sleep this off and deal with everything later. That's the only way I can describe it.
So while I'm trying not to rain on Craig's parade as he prepares for a very exciting trip, I'm struggling. I've definitely been less than enthusiastic when he's been talking about it. And while I'm pretty sure a lot of it does have to do with my current mood deflator, I know that part of me is just freaking out about 10 days alone. There are a lot of little details that I'm trying to figure out--you know, like how the lawn is going to get mowed; whether I can get someone to watch Jacob for the Chase Corporate Challenge, which I'd very much like to run in; what on earth I'm going to cook for just Jacob and me for all those nights; what I'm going to do if Jacob has a bad week and I have no backup; how badly this is going to impair the start of our summer in general, like if it's going to push back our pool opening or anything like that. It's all little stuff and it's petty compared to the immensity of the trip, but it's all bugging me nonetheless.
If the roles were reversed, of course I would be excited, and I'd want Craig to be excited for me too. I know I'd have a boatload of anxiety, however, just wondering how everyone would get along without me. Heck, I worry about that when I'm gone for a few hours sometimes. This morning when I mentioned to my boss that all of this was going on, she said, "And you're not going...why?" I mean, the money is one thing, and so is vacation time, but truly, I don't think it's right or fair to leave Jacob for that long. It's hard enough when one parent does it, harder still with both, and it's not fair to him or to whoever ends up bearing that burden. I know my parents absolutely love Jacob and in a pinch they'd take him, but judging by this past weekend and how relieved all parties were to get back to our normal circumstances, I just don't see how we could do it for more than a few days. I guess this all hearkens back to what I was talking about the other day--that ultimately when you have a couple different dreams that don't entirely mesh, something's gotta give. And my default is to put Jacob first, so home I will stay.
For all the things that I worry about, I'm still trying to put a positive spin on this. It'll hopefully be great bonding time for Jacob and me, to be a little team and get through those 10 days together. It'll take some creativity, and hopefully I'm up for the challenge. Because it's such a long time, it will force me to work on cooking decent dinners for the two of us, rather than just whipping up separate meals for each of us--the default when we're on our own is usually PB&J for him, a wrap for me, and mac and cheese for us to share. I need to just get creative and test some things out on him, just so I can try to broaden his palette without worrying about Craig's, too. We'll have to get some actual activities to spice up the time a bit, even though we'll still have our usual schedule which doesn't leave a lot of time for other stuff. But I want the time to go quickly and painlessly, and I think injecting some special things into it will help. Finally, I will do my best to make the most of my evenings alone--whether it's catching up on my shows, actually getting up off the couch to clean, doing projects I'm never motivated to do, or maybe even going to bed early. That last one may be my main focus, in fact. I am hoping to use the time to see just how much better I feel if I go to bed at a reasonable time for so many days straight. Right now I usually get into bed between 11:30 and 11:45, which I already know is too late. My alarm goes off around 6:15, but I generally snooze until 7am. I know it's not enough sleep, and I feel the effects. So, perhaps I should use this time to force myself into bed earlier (11pm or even earlier), just to convince myself that it's worth it. If I start feeling considerably better, it might convince me to stick with it once Craig comes home, but it'll be hard. Still, it's a prime opportunity to give it a shot.
It's such a long trip and it scares the crap out of me, but I know I just need to get over it. It's a huge opportunity and I need to suck it up and be a big girl so Craig can go have an amazing experience. I know Jacob will miss him like crazy, but it's my job to do what I can to make it as painless as possible. I still have a couple more weeks to take all this in and start making plans, but expect a few more posts in the coming weeks about how things are going--good and bad. I'm just hoping that the prednisone haze lifts soon and I can get back to normal so I'm better equipped to deal with the weeks ahead.
So while I'm trying not to rain on Craig's parade as he prepares for a very exciting trip, I'm struggling. I've definitely been less than enthusiastic when he's been talking about it. And while I'm pretty sure a lot of it does have to do with my current mood deflator, I know that part of me is just freaking out about 10 days alone. There are a lot of little details that I'm trying to figure out--you know, like how the lawn is going to get mowed; whether I can get someone to watch Jacob for the Chase Corporate Challenge, which I'd very much like to run in; what on earth I'm going to cook for just Jacob and me for all those nights; what I'm going to do if Jacob has a bad week and I have no backup; how badly this is going to impair the start of our summer in general, like if it's going to push back our pool opening or anything like that. It's all little stuff and it's petty compared to the immensity of the trip, but it's all bugging me nonetheless.
If the roles were reversed, of course I would be excited, and I'd want Craig to be excited for me too. I know I'd have a boatload of anxiety, however, just wondering how everyone would get along without me. Heck, I worry about that when I'm gone for a few hours sometimes. This morning when I mentioned to my boss that all of this was going on, she said, "And you're not going...why?" I mean, the money is one thing, and so is vacation time, but truly, I don't think it's right or fair to leave Jacob for that long. It's hard enough when one parent does it, harder still with both, and it's not fair to him or to whoever ends up bearing that burden. I know my parents absolutely love Jacob and in a pinch they'd take him, but judging by this past weekend and how relieved all parties were to get back to our normal circumstances, I just don't see how we could do it for more than a few days. I guess this all hearkens back to what I was talking about the other day--that ultimately when you have a couple different dreams that don't entirely mesh, something's gotta give. And my default is to put Jacob first, so home I will stay.
For all the things that I worry about, I'm still trying to put a positive spin on this. It'll hopefully be great bonding time for Jacob and me, to be a little team and get through those 10 days together. It'll take some creativity, and hopefully I'm up for the challenge. Because it's such a long time, it will force me to work on cooking decent dinners for the two of us, rather than just whipping up separate meals for each of us--the default when we're on our own is usually PB&J for him, a wrap for me, and mac and cheese for us to share. I need to just get creative and test some things out on him, just so I can try to broaden his palette without worrying about Craig's, too. We'll have to get some actual activities to spice up the time a bit, even though we'll still have our usual schedule which doesn't leave a lot of time for other stuff. But I want the time to go quickly and painlessly, and I think injecting some special things into it will help. Finally, I will do my best to make the most of my evenings alone--whether it's catching up on my shows, actually getting up off the couch to clean, doing projects I'm never motivated to do, or maybe even going to bed early. That last one may be my main focus, in fact. I am hoping to use the time to see just how much better I feel if I go to bed at a reasonable time for so many days straight. Right now I usually get into bed between 11:30 and 11:45, which I already know is too late. My alarm goes off around 6:15, but I generally snooze until 7am. I know it's not enough sleep, and I feel the effects. So, perhaps I should use this time to force myself into bed earlier (11pm or even earlier), just to convince myself that it's worth it. If I start feeling considerably better, it might convince me to stick with it once Craig comes home, but it'll be hard. Still, it's a prime opportunity to give it a shot.
It's such a long trip and it scares the crap out of me, but I know I just need to get over it. It's a huge opportunity and I need to suck it up and be a big girl so Craig can go have an amazing experience. I know Jacob will miss him like crazy, but it's my job to do what I can to make it as painless as possible. I still have a couple more weeks to take all this in and start making plans, but expect a few more posts in the coming weeks about how things are going--good and bad. I'm just hoping that the prednisone haze lifts soon and I can get back to normal so I'm better equipped to deal with the weeks ahead.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Upon our return...
There were a lot of things shuffling through my head by the time we headed home from Toronto yesterday. I'll admit that the time away was nice. It was nice to eat meals without worrying about what Jacob would eat or how fast (or, rather, slowly) he'd eat it. It was nice to have a drink without worrying about how it might impair my mothering abilities if Jacob woke up at 3am. It was nice to have time to relax, make as many stops as we needed to make, and walk around the city unencumbered by a stroller. When you spend most of your time taking other (possibly slightly irrational) people into consideration, it's sometimes nice to have a break and make decisions based on just two reasonable opinions. Most of my daily decisions aren't made in the way that benefits me the most--at least not directly--but what is the best for Jacob and what will cause the least amount of grief all around. It's more about preventative defense than proactive decision-making. It's less about seeking out random fun than it is about just keeping things together. Without a toddler in tow, you can be spontaneous without facing an imminent meltdown. Take the extra couple minutes to find cheaper parking--we'll survive hungry a little longer. Make this one extra stop--we don't have to get anyone in and out of a carseat, nor manage them while we're there. You get the idea. And more than anything else, we could just be "us" without worrying about who's handling the adorable but high-maintenance ball of energy that's usually attached to us at any given time.
That said, we missed him like crazy. I was just trying to enjoy the time away knowing that we'd be back in our usual roles soon enough, but by the end I was looking forward to seeing him. I called my parents' house in the midst of our morning stops to check in and update our timeline, and when my dad put Jacob on the phone, he immediately said, "Come here now", and then I guess he started to get a little weepy. Poor kid. He had been such a good little boy the whole time, but perhaps he was really starting to miss us a lot. And sure enough, once we got there, he turned into a crazy, hyper little boy. I can only imagine it was the excitement to have us back that did it. They often say that kids can have a perfectly lovely day at daycare, and then turn into absolute monsters at home in the evening because they bottle everything up and save their true emotions for when they're around people they trust. So while I wasn't thrilled that we got a loud, hyper, crazy child when we returned (rather than lots of hugs and kisses), I guess I still had to take it as a compliment. Somehow he was happy to see us and let it all out.
As I mentioned not too long ago, lately I've fantasized about taking a real vacation to somewhere lush and tropical without Jacob. I felt like I was ready and perhaps now was the time, since he's old enough, there isn't another on the way yet (though we'd like there to be sometime in the not-too-distant future), and we haven't done anything like that in a long time. I'll admit, though, that this little time away gave me some cold feet. I mean, sure, I'd love to have the time away from everything, experience something amazing, and really make myself miss it all, but based on Jacob's reaction, I'm not sure I can do it. Will it get better if we wait longer, for any of us? Or should we get him used to a scenario like this, just so he learns how to cope? I don't know. Presumably he'll get a greater grasp on his emotions in general as he gets older, but I just don't know how he might respond even later on. It did affirm that I would miss him and want to see his smiling face, which was good to keep my mommy guilt in check. But it was a tough balance of enjoying our time to focus on each other when we seemed to talk about or think about Jacob a lot of the time. I certainly don't want to turn into one of those couples whose kids grow up and leave home, and suddenly the couple realizes they have nothing in common because they didn't cultivate any other common interests apart from the kids. So while I could think about Jacob a lot, I tried to just appreciate the time we had together.
Interestingly, Craig may find out how a long absence pans out long before I will. He's currently in the process of trying to find a way to Prague, Czech Republic, for the World Indoor Lacrosse Championships. He's got plenty of good reasons to go, but so far none good enough for his trip to get funded. He won't go if he can't get the vast majority of the cost taken care of, but if he can, it'll mean 10 days away. I'm still coming to terms with that, as the urgency to go has ramped up only in the past few days, but it's a lot to think about. It's 10 days as a single parent, for one. It's also a long trip to a foreign country, which is always a concern. Heck, I get nervous when he goes to Boston or Philadelphia, let alone the West Coast or across an entire ocean. I've never traveled that far (neither has he) so I have very little knowledge to work off of in matters like this to convince myself that it's not a big deal and he'll be fine. And, of course, I'll admit that I am ridiculously jealous. I suppose I figured that we'd see Europe for the first time together. Now he might have this amazing adventure and I'll be sitting at home doing the same thing I do every single day...without the help and companionship that make it all a little more manageable. It's still not a sure thing, but it's certainly going to be on our minds for the next few weeks.
Being in Toronto once again reminded me of all the big dreams I had as a teenager, to live there in a fabulous condo overlooking the city and work somewhere awesome like the Hockey Hall of Fame. It's a great place for people-watching, and everyone seems to have a story. I love walking the busy streets, looking at the old buildings (and the new ones, for that matter), and dreaming of exploring all of the cool treasures the city has to offer. There probably isn't enough time or money to do it all justice, and Toronto is just one tiny corner of the world. While it's probably among the most accessible for us, even that seems to be a bit of a pipe dream. That's not even getting into the million other places I'd love to see, places I've heard about or seen via webcams, that will probably remain a dream for a very long time. I know I'm young and still have plenty of time, but I couldn't help but think on the way home....What happens when you have two distinctly different dreams in your world, and they can't both coexist? I've always dreamed of being married with kids, in a lovely house and a good job. But I've long dreamed of seeing the world, too. I guess since I've stepped into one dream the other one automatically goes on hold, but it's not always that easy to ignore. Don't worry, I'm not planning on running away like Rahna Reiko Rizzuto, the author of Hiroshima in the Morning, a book about how she left her family and took a decidedly non-traditional mother role when she decided the life wasn't really for her. But I won't lie, sometimes it's hard.
But when it all comes down to it, Jacob means everything to me. And knowing what I know now, I couldn't really change a thing. And so, home we came, ready to go back to our normal life after a couple days away. There's a certain simplicity about knowing where your home is, and being able to go back there and settle in seamlessly. I know I'm blessed to have experienced all I have. Parenthood involves a lot of give and take, but you can't really pick and choose. I know the path that I have chosen is a good one, but a peek now and then never hurts...it's a good reminder that there's more out there, and it can only get better to dream of seeing it with the people you love.
That said, we missed him like crazy. I was just trying to enjoy the time away knowing that we'd be back in our usual roles soon enough, but by the end I was looking forward to seeing him. I called my parents' house in the midst of our morning stops to check in and update our timeline, and when my dad put Jacob on the phone, he immediately said, "Come here now", and then I guess he started to get a little weepy. Poor kid. He had been such a good little boy the whole time, but perhaps he was really starting to miss us a lot. And sure enough, once we got there, he turned into a crazy, hyper little boy. I can only imagine it was the excitement to have us back that did it. They often say that kids can have a perfectly lovely day at daycare, and then turn into absolute monsters at home in the evening because they bottle everything up and save their true emotions for when they're around people they trust. So while I wasn't thrilled that we got a loud, hyper, crazy child when we returned (rather than lots of hugs and kisses), I guess I still had to take it as a compliment. Somehow he was happy to see us and let it all out.
As I mentioned not too long ago, lately I've fantasized about taking a real vacation to somewhere lush and tropical without Jacob. I felt like I was ready and perhaps now was the time, since he's old enough, there isn't another on the way yet (though we'd like there to be sometime in the not-too-distant future), and we haven't done anything like that in a long time. I'll admit, though, that this little time away gave me some cold feet. I mean, sure, I'd love to have the time away from everything, experience something amazing, and really make myself miss it all, but based on Jacob's reaction, I'm not sure I can do it. Will it get better if we wait longer, for any of us? Or should we get him used to a scenario like this, just so he learns how to cope? I don't know. Presumably he'll get a greater grasp on his emotions in general as he gets older, but I just don't know how he might respond even later on. It did affirm that I would miss him and want to see his smiling face, which was good to keep my mommy guilt in check. But it was a tough balance of enjoying our time to focus on each other when we seemed to talk about or think about Jacob a lot of the time. I certainly don't want to turn into one of those couples whose kids grow up and leave home, and suddenly the couple realizes they have nothing in common because they didn't cultivate any other common interests apart from the kids. So while I could think about Jacob a lot, I tried to just appreciate the time we had together.
Interestingly, Craig may find out how a long absence pans out long before I will. He's currently in the process of trying to find a way to Prague, Czech Republic, for the World Indoor Lacrosse Championships. He's got plenty of good reasons to go, but so far none good enough for his trip to get funded. He won't go if he can't get the vast majority of the cost taken care of, but if he can, it'll mean 10 days away. I'm still coming to terms with that, as the urgency to go has ramped up only in the past few days, but it's a lot to think about. It's 10 days as a single parent, for one. It's also a long trip to a foreign country, which is always a concern. Heck, I get nervous when he goes to Boston or Philadelphia, let alone the West Coast or across an entire ocean. I've never traveled that far (neither has he) so I have very little knowledge to work off of in matters like this to convince myself that it's not a big deal and he'll be fine. And, of course, I'll admit that I am ridiculously jealous. I suppose I figured that we'd see Europe for the first time together. Now he might have this amazing adventure and I'll be sitting at home doing the same thing I do every single day...without the help and companionship that make it all a little more manageable. It's still not a sure thing, but it's certainly going to be on our minds for the next few weeks.
Being in Toronto once again reminded me of all the big dreams I had as a teenager, to live there in a fabulous condo overlooking the city and work somewhere awesome like the Hockey Hall of Fame. It's a great place for people-watching, and everyone seems to have a story. I love walking the busy streets, looking at the old buildings (and the new ones, for that matter), and dreaming of exploring all of the cool treasures the city has to offer. There probably isn't enough time or money to do it all justice, and Toronto is just one tiny corner of the world. While it's probably among the most accessible for us, even that seems to be a bit of a pipe dream. That's not even getting into the million other places I'd love to see, places I've heard about or seen via webcams, that will probably remain a dream for a very long time. I know I'm young and still have plenty of time, but I couldn't help but think on the way home....What happens when you have two distinctly different dreams in your world, and they can't both coexist? I've always dreamed of being married with kids, in a lovely house and a good job. But I've long dreamed of seeing the world, too. I guess since I've stepped into one dream the other one automatically goes on hold, but it's not always that easy to ignore. Don't worry, I'm not planning on running away like Rahna Reiko Rizzuto, the author of Hiroshima in the Morning, a book about how she left her family and took a decidedly non-traditional mother role when she decided the life wasn't really for her. But I won't lie, sometimes it's hard.
But when it all comes down to it, Jacob means everything to me. And knowing what I know now, I couldn't really change a thing. And so, home we came, ready to go back to our normal life after a couple days away. There's a certain simplicity about knowing where your home is, and being able to go back there and settle in seamlessly. I know I'm blessed to have experienced all I have. Parenthood involves a lot of give and take, but you can't really pick and choose. I know the path that I have chosen is a good one, but a peek now and then never hurts...it's a good reminder that there's more out there, and it can only get better to dream of seeing it with the people you love.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Getting Away
The opportunity presented itself for us to get away this weekend...alone. The Knighthawks are playing in Toronto today (as I type) in a playoff game. Originally the plan was to bring Jacob, but then I got to thinking and decided that it might be a good opportunity for us to get away alone. After my mom spent most of last Saturday with my grandma and missed out on prime Jacob time, I thought she might appreciate the bonus time. And Lord knows we're probably a little overdue for time away. By all accounts our last night away might have been last January (as in, 2010) when we were in Toronto. Craig gets time away on his roadtrips, not that they're relaxing, but a change of scenery is always nice. My nights away from Jacob are considerably fewer and farther between. The last time was back in March when I stayed in NT in the midst of my aunt's funeral activities. Before that I think it might have been a night in NT back in June before my big trip to IKEA for my beloved bookshelf. Suffice it to say it doesn't happen often. And most of the time, that's ok. I love Jacob, I enjoy hanging out with him, and considering all the time we spend away from him during the week, the weekend is important. But sometimes when you have an opportunity for downtime, you have to take it. Parents need time away to reconnect, kids sometimes need a little change of scenery and quality time with other people, and those other people need a little quality time with the kids. It works out for everyone, I think.
So far Jacob has been an angel. We left him with my parents last night before we headed off to a dinner with Craig's family where his dad and brother were honored for their involvement with the local VFW post. He was a delight, thank goodness. As we left he even told them that he wasn't going to cry. What a big, strong boy. Today has been much of the same. He was apparently good at church and has even been cooperative with going on the potty, which is great. See what I mean about a change of scenery being a good thing?
Hopefully we'll all appreciate each other that much more when we're reunited tomorrow afternoon. We're spending a night in a cheap hotel room I got via Travelocity's secret deals (you don't know your hotel until you book), at more than 50% off. We'll hit up a couple of our usual stops--IKEA among them--and head back for a little quality time with Jacob. I'm just hoping for a good night's sleep since we should, in theory, be able to sleep in. We always enjoy our time here, and while it was fun to include Jacob last time (and I feel a little guilty about being in one of his favorite places without him), it's nice to have it be just the two of us for a little bit. It always brings back good memories, and it's a good opportunity to do some advance shopping for Jacob's birthday or other milestones--be it at IKEA, the Hockey Hall of Fame, or Chapters book store, where I'm once again going on a hunt for a new Brady Brady book.
Well, it's late int he Knighthawks game and despite a much better second half effort, it looks like the season is going to come to an end tonight. As always, that's good news-bad news around our house. Good to have Craig around (although most likely he's working the summer season for a team in Hamilton, which is starting soon enough), sad that the season didn't end well, and back to the refrain that the Knighthawks season starts "after Christmas". Seems like we were just saying that, and Jacob's already been back at it since the last home game a few weeks ago.
Well, for now I'll leave you with a couple pics from the weekend...first, my Mother's Day present...
And one of Jacob...
I'm sure I'll have more to report after our evening and day tomorrow, but for now I'm off...
So far Jacob has been an angel. We left him with my parents last night before we headed off to a dinner with Craig's family where his dad and brother were honored for their involvement with the local VFW post. He was a delight, thank goodness. As we left he even told them that he wasn't going to cry. What a big, strong boy. Today has been much of the same. He was apparently good at church and has even been cooperative with going on the potty, which is great. See what I mean about a change of scenery being a good thing?
Hopefully we'll all appreciate each other that much more when we're reunited tomorrow afternoon. We're spending a night in a cheap hotel room I got via Travelocity's secret deals (you don't know your hotel until you book), at more than 50% off. We'll hit up a couple of our usual stops--IKEA among them--and head back for a little quality time with Jacob. I'm just hoping for a good night's sleep since we should, in theory, be able to sleep in. We always enjoy our time here, and while it was fun to include Jacob last time (and I feel a little guilty about being in one of his favorite places without him), it's nice to have it be just the two of us for a little bit. It always brings back good memories, and it's a good opportunity to do some advance shopping for Jacob's birthday or other milestones--be it at IKEA, the Hockey Hall of Fame, or Chapters book store, where I'm once again going on a hunt for a new Brady Brady book.
Well, it's late int he Knighthawks game and despite a much better second half effort, it looks like the season is going to come to an end tonight. As always, that's good news-bad news around our house. Good to have Craig around (although most likely he's working the summer season for a team in Hamilton, which is starting soon enough), sad that the season didn't end well, and back to the refrain that the Knighthawks season starts "after Christmas". Seems like we were just saying that, and Jacob's already been back at it since the last home game a few weeks ago.
Well, for now I'll leave you with a couple pics from the weekend...first, my Mother's Day present...
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| We got a Christmas present a couple years ago with the same verse. This one is much cuter, other than the fact that the Christmas gift featured Jacob's adorable face. |
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| He was playing with my dad's lighted magnifying glass, looking at his hand. Couldn't resist the smile! |
Friday, April 29, 2011
The Nicest Form of Extortion
A few times a year posters go up around daycare alerting us to "picture days". On the bright side, only one of those is a formal school picture day. I only have to obsess over Jacob's clothes and hair and facial wounds once per year. The other days are theme days. The photographer brings all sorts of props, so ultimately it's low maintenance for us and we just have to hope our kid smiles. They did one a while back where Jacob was dressed up as a fireman. Like most of his school pictures, they were pretty unsuccessful.
Jacob's school pictures have been pretty awful. His first ones were when he was maybe five months or so, and while there were one or two okay shots (which I vaguely considered buying since, you know, everything is special when you have your first baby), I decided against it because in the best shot he was drooling and the rest didn't look that much like him. His second ones, a year later, were pretty bad. He was not happy and they only got one shot before his crying ruined any chance for more. The fireman pictures were pretty blah, and his school pictures this year were sort of okay but besmirched by a couple nasty scabs on his face from a recent fall, so there was nothing worth saving for posterity.
This week they did vintage day. They brought old clothes and took the pictures in sepia tones (although apparently they're available in B&W and color, too). I saw the handful of proofs on Jacob's proof sheet (we'll see the rest online), and much to my surprise, there were good ones! It was even more of a surprise since he had a bad day yesterday (yep, right on the heels of a good one), with only two stickers and a lot of not-so-great stories from the afternoon. Apparently the lawn guys showed up early which woke the kids up, but still.
I have yet to see the online proofs where I can really study them, but now I have a bit of a conundrum. See, the pictures are expensive. We could go get family shots done and get a decent number of prints far cheaper that what they're asking, but that assumes a couple things: 1) that I get my butt in gear and actually schedule something; and 2) that Jacob will actually smile and we'll all look good. Pictures with kids are such a crapshoot because you never know what their mood is going to be or how they will behave in front of a stranger with a camera. That's why I haven't done professional shots since Jacob's first Christmas. Those didn't go well and I've been a bit gun-shy (or camera-shy?) ever since. You can always find no sitting fee deals around, but it's still a lot of work and scheduling to just get there, so it's still a disappointment if it doesn't work out, even if it costs nothing. The quandary with these pictures is that if they're as good as they appear, they're already done and we know they're good. Should that be enough? It pains me to think of great pictures of Jacob floating around out there that we don't own. And it's not like I've spent a lot on pictures previously, so maybe we should just bite the bullet and buy some of these...maybe just an 8" x 10" to replace the picture from the last professional shots and a few 5" x 7"s for the important people. But for that money I could certainly get more somewhere else...yet there's no guarantee we'd like them as much. Ugh.
Ironically, Jacob fell today at daycare and now has a brushburned chin. At least he waited until picture day was past this time! Regardless, I suppose I'll just have to look at the online proofs, get some other opinions, and stare at the prices a little longer to see what might be reasonable. The downside of buying them is that it technically gets me off the hook for family pictures (which we really should do) for a little longer. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. We obviously have a lot of pictures of Jacob floating around, but he's not really a smiler for the camera nor is he good at standing still, so we don't have a lot of good pictures where his face is clear and he looks picture perfect. We probably owe it to the grandparents and aunts and uncles to get some of these once in a while for the frames we gave them at Jacob's first Christmas, so they're not staring at a six-month-old baby (or filling it with something else) all these many months later, but ugh...I don't know.
These people just prey on parents who can't say no to the face of their adorable child, and it's so annoying. Especially because I might be one of them.
Jacob's school pictures have been pretty awful. His first ones were when he was maybe five months or so, and while there were one or two okay shots (which I vaguely considered buying since, you know, everything is special when you have your first baby), I decided against it because in the best shot he was drooling and the rest didn't look that much like him. His second ones, a year later, were pretty bad. He was not happy and they only got one shot before his crying ruined any chance for more. The fireman pictures were pretty blah, and his school pictures this year were sort of okay but besmirched by a couple nasty scabs on his face from a recent fall, so there was nothing worth saving for posterity.
This week they did vintage day. They brought old clothes and took the pictures in sepia tones (although apparently they're available in B&W and color, too). I saw the handful of proofs on Jacob's proof sheet (we'll see the rest online), and much to my surprise, there were good ones! It was even more of a surprise since he had a bad day yesterday (yep, right on the heels of a good one), with only two stickers and a lot of not-so-great stories from the afternoon. Apparently the lawn guys showed up early which woke the kids up, but still.
I have yet to see the online proofs where I can really study them, but now I have a bit of a conundrum. See, the pictures are expensive. We could go get family shots done and get a decent number of prints far cheaper that what they're asking, but that assumes a couple things: 1) that I get my butt in gear and actually schedule something; and 2) that Jacob will actually smile and we'll all look good. Pictures with kids are such a crapshoot because you never know what their mood is going to be or how they will behave in front of a stranger with a camera. That's why I haven't done professional shots since Jacob's first Christmas. Those didn't go well and I've been a bit gun-shy (or camera-shy?) ever since. You can always find no sitting fee deals around, but it's still a lot of work and scheduling to just get there, so it's still a disappointment if it doesn't work out, even if it costs nothing. The quandary with these pictures is that if they're as good as they appear, they're already done and we know they're good. Should that be enough? It pains me to think of great pictures of Jacob floating around out there that we don't own. And it's not like I've spent a lot on pictures previously, so maybe we should just bite the bullet and buy some of these...maybe just an 8" x 10" to replace the picture from the last professional shots and a few 5" x 7"s for the important people. But for that money I could certainly get more somewhere else...yet there's no guarantee we'd like them as much. Ugh.
Ironically, Jacob fell today at daycare and now has a brushburned chin. At least he waited until picture day was past this time! Regardless, I suppose I'll just have to look at the online proofs, get some other opinions, and stare at the prices a little longer to see what might be reasonable. The downside of buying them is that it technically gets me off the hook for family pictures (which we really should do) for a little longer. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. We obviously have a lot of pictures of Jacob floating around, but he's not really a smiler for the camera nor is he good at standing still, so we don't have a lot of good pictures where his face is clear and he looks picture perfect. We probably owe it to the grandparents and aunts and uncles to get some of these once in a while for the frames we gave them at Jacob's first Christmas, so they're not staring at a six-month-old baby (or filling it with something else) all these many months later, but ugh...I don't know.
These people just prey on parents who can't say no to the face of their adorable child, and it's so annoying. Especially because I might be one of them.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
You Just Have to Laugh...
When Jacob is being a good boy, he's such an amazing kid. He's funny, adorable, and so energetic. And thank goodness, sometimes that energy is contagious. There are times I need it.
Yesterday we had to run to Wegmans after I picked him up, and I was bracing myself for the worst. Those trips usually go badly, and with crappy weather on the way (a tornado watch, no less), all I wanted to do was get home. When I picked him up, he was pleasant, he'd gotten all five stickers on the sticker chart (he's done it a few times now), and by all accounts he'd had a good day. Our shopping trip went relatively smoothly, even pleasant. Jacob was kissing my hand instead of hitting it, for one. That always helps. He kept saying how things looked yummy, which was totally cracking me up. By the time we finished shopping, I looked outside cautiously and saw that the clouds had officially rolled in and it was going to rain any minute. Sure enough, the second we rolled outside, the rain started. I ran us to the car, threw the groceries in the trunk, took the cart to a corral (with the wind it would have hit my car if I'd gone the lazy route), grabbed Jacob and ran to the car. The drops were huge, the wind was strong, and in merely a minute in beginnings of the rain, we were soaked. I even had wet specks of dirt stuck in my hairline and on my arms. My car door handle had a puddle in it after being open for literally five seconds.
I was worried I'd freaked Jacob out with my rushing around and all the rain and wind, but the second I closed the door and looked at him, he was all giggles! He thought it was the funniest thing ever that we were soaked. I sat in the back seat with him for a good ten minutes while the rain pounded the car because I just didn't want to get wet again. I sent him into another fit of giggles when I tried climbing into the front seat, but I gave up that quest and just used the doors once the rain calmed down. While I was never particularly comfortable with sitting in our car in a major thunderstorm with a tornado watch, sitting ducks for falling lampposts and runaway shopping carts, I was so happy that Jacob was there to make me laugh about it all.
Lately I've noticed Jacob picking up a lot of subtle little things. He's always had an eye for detail, but now it's verbal stuff...and it amazes me every time. I wish I could think of specific examples, but this morning will give you an idea. One of Jacob's near-constant companions is a little eagle/hawk that wears a Knighthawks t-shirt. I say "eagle/hawk" because the lines are blurry at the Blue Cross Arena. There's a mascot that works for both teams--he's an Eagle for the Amerks (because they're the Americans, get it?) and I suppose he morphs into a hawk for the Knighthawks. Jacob loves him, and his stuffed bird gets called both things at any given time. Anyway, this morning he took off the bird's shirt. At one point he asked if it would fit him (Jacob), and I said, "Does it look like it will fit you?" A couple minutes later he ended up putting the shirt over his hand, with his thumb through a sleeve, and he said, "See, it fits me!" I couldn't help but laugh...he was right! Then a couple minutes after that, he wound up to throw the t-shirt and said, "Ready for t-shirts!" which stems from all of the t-shirt tosses at the many sporting events we attend. The fact that he made the connection between the bird's t-shirt and those t-shirts sort of blew my mind.
Oh, and did I mention that he ate all of his main course at dinner, asked for seconds, and then got treated to ice cream and strawberries, which he ate most of? He also pooped in the potty before his bath. Talk about a good evening. It would have been nearly perfect if we didn't have to yell at him for playing golf a little too aggressively indoors. Still, between Jacob and the warmer weather, my mood has improved dramatically this week. I can practically see the landscape of trees that dominate my view at work turn greener by the minute. Earlier this week it was primarily still brownish-gray, and today it's at least half green. Not to mention the cheery forsythias, the slowly arriving tulips, the blossoming trees (our little one went from barely having tiny buds to being pink over the weekend), and the daffodils that are still hanging in there, thanks I'm sure to the cold weather we had previously. Now if the rain and/or wind would just head out, that would be great.
On another bright note, I went to the doctor today for my loss of smell and taste problems. She found that my nasal passages are quite swelled up, and prescribed an oral steroid to clear up that issue. She also gave me an antihistamine nasal spray sample, and I'll go back in two weeks to follow up. Beyond that, if the steroids do their job, then it's just a matter of finding a way to maintain it. There may be an allergist in my future to help with that, and I couldn't help but wonder how the maintenance plan will be derailed next time I have a baby (I spent two years off allergy meds when I was pregnant and nursing), but it's a start. The mere thought that I might actually be able to smell and taste within a couple weeks sounds too good to be true, but you can bet I'll be pretty happy to smell that first poopy diaper, despite my insistence that Jacob only poop in the potty these days. There are about a million other things I'd rather smell, of course, but just once, I'll take that one just to prove I can. I never realized how much tasting and smelling were a part of my life. And while I miss fully tasting or smelling good things (and am often relieved when I don't smell bad stuff), I just worry about my ability to be a good mom when I can't sniff out trouble--literally. The fact that I can't smell natural gas or smoke or even rotten milk scares me, particularly when Jacob and I are home alone. I feel bad (a bit for Jacob and mostly for other people) when I can't smell a poopy diaper. At least now he's old enough to tell me, but it still looks bad if he's stinking up the joint and I don't notice. I feel like I'm missing part of the life experience without those senses, so hopefully they come back soon.
In the meantime I just keep hoping Jacob will keep me laughing...
Yesterday we had to run to Wegmans after I picked him up, and I was bracing myself for the worst. Those trips usually go badly, and with crappy weather on the way (a tornado watch, no less), all I wanted to do was get home. When I picked him up, he was pleasant, he'd gotten all five stickers on the sticker chart (he's done it a few times now), and by all accounts he'd had a good day. Our shopping trip went relatively smoothly, even pleasant. Jacob was kissing my hand instead of hitting it, for one. That always helps. He kept saying how things looked yummy, which was totally cracking me up. By the time we finished shopping, I looked outside cautiously and saw that the clouds had officially rolled in and it was going to rain any minute. Sure enough, the second we rolled outside, the rain started. I ran us to the car, threw the groceries in the trunk, took the cart to a corral (with the wind it would have hit my car if I'd gone the lazy route), grabbed Jacob and ran to the car. The drops were huge, the wind was strong, and in merely a minute in beginnings of the rain, we were soaked. I even had wet specks of dirt stuck in my hairline and on my arms. My car door handle had a puddle in it after being open for literally five seconds.
I was worried I'd freaked Jacob out with my rushing around and all the rain and wind, but the second I closed the door and looked at him, he was all giggles! He thought it was the funniest thing ever that we were soaked. I sat in the back seat with him for a good ten minutes while the rain pounded the car because I just didn't want to get wet again. I sent him into another fit of giggles when I tried climbing into the front seat, but I gave up that quest and just used the doors once the rain calmed down. While I was never particularly comfortable with sitting in our car in a major thunderstorm with a tornado watch, sitting ducks for falling lampposts and runaway shopping carts, I was so happy that Jacob was there to make me laugh about it all.
Lately I've noticed Jacob picking up a lot of subtle little things. He's always had an eye for detail, but now it's verbal stuff...and it amazes me every time. I wish I could think of specific examples, but this morning will give you an idea. One of Jacob's near-constant companions is a little eagle/hawk that wears a Knighthawks t-shirt. I say "eagle/hawk" because the lines are blurry at the Blue Cross Arena. There's a mascot that works for both teams--he's an Eagle for the Amerks (because they're the Americans, get it?) and I suppose he morphs into a hawk for the Knighthawks. Jacob loves him, and his stuffed bird gets called both things at any given time. Anyway, this morning he took off the bird's shirt. At one point he asked if it would fit him (Jacob), and I said, "Does it look like it will fit you?" A couple minutes later he ended up putting the shirt over his hand, with his thumb through a sleeve, and he said, "See, it fits me!" I couldn't help but laugh...he was right! Then a couple minutes after that, he wound up to throw the t-shirt and said, "Ready for t-shirts!" which stems from all of the t-shirt tosses at the many sporting events we attend. The fact that he made the connection between the bird's t-shirt and those t-shirts sort of blew my mind.
Oh, and did I mention that he ate all of his main course at dinner, asked for seconds, and then got treated to ice cream and strawberries, which he ate most of? He also pooped in the potty before his bath. Talk about a good evening. It would have been nearly perfect if we didn't have to yell at him for playing golf a little too aggressively indoors. Still, between Jacob and the warmer weather, my mood has improved dramatically this week. I can practically see the landscape of trees that dominate my view at work turn greener by the minute. Earlier this week it was primarily still brownish-gray, and today it's at least half green. Not to mention the cheery forsythias, the slowly arriving tulips, the blossoming trees (our little one went from barely having tiny buds to being pink over the weekend), and the daffodils that are still hanging in there, thanks I'm sure to the cold weather we had previously. Now if the rain and/or wind would just head out, that would be great.
On another bright note, I went to the doctor today for my loss of smell and taste problems. She found that my nasal passages are quite swelled up, and prescribed an oral steroid to clear up that issue. She also gave me an antihistamine nasal spray sample, and I'll go back in two weeks to follow up. Beyond that, if the steroids do their job, then it's just a matter of finding a way to maintain it. There may be an allergist in my future to help with that, and I couldn't help but wonder how the maintenance plan will be derailed next time I have a baby (I spent two years off allergy meds when I was pregnant and nursing), but it's a start. The mere thought that I might actually be able to smell and taste within a couple weeks sounds too good to be true, but you can bet I'll be pretty happy to smell that first poopy diaper, despite my insistence that Jacob only poop in the potty these days. There are about a million other things I'd rather smell, of course, but just once, I'll take that one just to prove I can. I never realized how much tasting and smelling were a part of my life. And while I miss fully tasting or smelling good things (and am often relieved when I don't smell bad stuff), I just worry about my ability to be a good mom when I can't sniff out trouble--literally. The fact that I can't smell natural gas or smoke or even rotten milk scares me, particularly when Jacob and I are home alone. I feel bad (a bit for Jacob and mostly for other people) when I can't smell a poopy diaper. At least now he's old enough to tell me, but it still looks bad if he's stinking up the joint and I don't notice. I feel like I'm missing part of the life experience without those senses, so hopefully they come back soon.
In the meantime I just keep hoping Jacob will keep me laughing...
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Oh, Chuck...
So, a while back Jacob expressed an interest in going to Chuck E. Cheese. I have no idea where it came from initially. Perhaps a friend at daycare went and couldn't stop talking about it. Maybe it came up as we drove by one day. In any event, he wanted to go. He knew there were games there, and after his experience a few weeks ago at his friend's birthday party, he really wanted to go. Coincidentally, his daycare set up a fundraiser. Just go, and 15% of what we spend goes toward daycare. While that wasn't a super-enticing thing, it made for a good excuse to go.
As much as I've heard bad things about Chuck E. Cheese, I wasn't sure what to expect. I mean, yes, I had heard the pizza was bad and the kids are out of control, that it's gross and, as a friend of mine commented on Facebook, "a cesspool of disease". I didn't expect perfection, that's for sure. My memories of this type of place go way back to the days of Showbiz Pizza Place in Amherst on Niagara Falls Blvd., which we frequented from time to time when I was a kid. I loved that place and looked forward to days off from school when we could go there for lunch. There was a great animatronics show (with the Rock-afire Explosion, as I re-discovered via Wikipedia the other night) that I loved, cool games, a one-person ferris wheel-type ride, and of course, the ball pit! I absolutely loved it there. I have no recollection on the cleanliness, the quality of the pizza, or much else, but it was a lot of fun back then. It turns out that Showbiz was actually part of the Chuck E. Cheese world (I think they owned them but kept the names separate until years later), but eventually Showbiz was phased out. The one in Amherst turned into a Major Magic's as I think Chuck E. Cheese had moved into the market by then. Major Magic's didn't last long. I was sad to discover that there are no longer ball pits or animatronic shows at Chuck E. Cheese. Just bad pizza and lots of games and little rides. On the bright side, each one only costs a single token.
The problem with Jacob, of course, is that he's obsessed with sports. And most of the sports games at a place like this are pretty far beyond his age. I mean, yes, we can stand him up on the game and let him throw big basketballs, footballs, or hard baseballs at various targets, and that's fine (though moderately unsafe), but in a room with a hundred games, I don't think Jacob so much as glanced at 95 of them. He wanted to play basketball, football, baseball, air hockey...and that was pretty much it. He didn't want to climb in the play structure, he didn't want to ride the little rides (save for one little bus), and none of the age-appropriate games interested him in the least. Here he is when we tried to get him to play a modern computerized version of whack-a-mole...
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| Is it just me or is the "You LOSE" on the screen a bit harsh? |
I did encourage him to look around at other things, and at one point did take him down (willingly) to see the one animatronic figure, Chuck himself.
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| He was singing some schmaltzy song. Boring. Give me the Rock-afire Explosion and their fun takes on rock music any day. |
And here's Jacob on the bus with Chuck, as well.
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| Unimpressed. |
All in all, it was just an odd experience. I just didn't really enjoy it. And I'm really pretty okay with other "fun center" kind of places. The games, the crazy kids, the bad pizza...all fine with me, but something about Chuck E. Cheese bugged me. Maybe because it seemed cheap, like they were living off the name and not making an effort because people will go there anyway. It just wasn't the pizza and games experience of my childhood, that's for sure. It'll be a while before I consent to going there again, but I'm sure we will. I just hope it's not of our own free will...
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