Gender Differences

So...36 hours from right now, we'll know the gender of this baby hanging out in my belly.  Aaaaand....I'm nervous.  It's a big deal.  It's such a life-altering thing.  The ultrasound as a whole is a big deal.  Lost in the gender issue is the fact that this ultrasound checks for so many other things besides what's between the baby's legs.  And those things can be equally life-altering as the gender, and God forbid they find anything amiss.  That would obviously make the gender announcement pale in comparison. 

But to this point everything has been fine.  The fertility treatment worked on the first try.  The initial ultrasound (what little we could see) looked perfect, the heart rate has been healthy, and my size has been fine.  Of course, I had the previously mentioned minor health annoyances, which should have absolutely no impact, but I guess you just never know. 

So, assuming the rest is fine, the gender is the big deal.  Like I said the other day, gender impacts so much of our future.  It's a different job being the mom of two boys, compared to one of each or two girls.  It impacts what covers our living room floor, how we spend our time for years to come, and what specific milestone experiences we'll have.  Will I be the only female in this house for the rest of our years together as a family unit?  Or will a our new addition bring perfect balance to our home?  Will I finally get to shop in the girls' section (and have a ridiculous pick of clearance racks) after all these years of merely looking longingly across the store? Or will I get to reuse and reminisce as I pull out bin after bin of Jacob's hand-me-downs?  Will I have the joy of having a little girl who will pick a bouquet of flowers in my yard, or will I be dodging two boys' misdirected soccer kicks and foul balls?  Will we send two children off to the prom in tuxedos, or will I go through the aforementioned crazy stress my mom and I had, as I try to find a pretty, respectable dress for my own daughter?  Will I have to give up two sons to women of their choosing, or will I have a daughter who could be a lifelong friend and shopping partner? 

I know there's a lot of gray areas in here.  I could have a total tomboy of a daughter who hates my guts by the time she's 15.  God forbid.  But I know it could happen...along with any other of the in between scenarios for the experiences above.  Nothing is perfect, nothing is set in stone...but finding out this baby's gender will lay the groundwork for the expectations of our lives for years to come. 

Last time around I was completely unconcerned about finding out.  I was slightly curious, but ultimately it didn't matter to me.  I said all along that it was this pregnancy that mattered more, and that's definitely the case.  This time it's an overwhelmingly important thought.  I need to know this time.  I think it will help with bonding and it will help us give Jacob an accurate picture of what his life will be like in the months to come.  We have a couple bedrooms to decorate (or, perhaps, one to mostly leave alone), and I'm worried about the name selection process this time so I'm eager to cut the arguments to a single gender. 

I'll admit that a lot of times I default to the easier route in parenting.  I try to avoid it in things like discipline, as I know that the hard way can ultimately have a better payoff, but mostly I prefer things to be easier.  And in this case, having a boy would be easier.  We've done it before, we have a bunch of clothes, and Jacob will have a built-in playmate and best friend forever.  The brotherly bond is a very special one.  Having only a brother myself, I never really got to appreciate the same-gender sibling relationship dynamic.  My brother and I are very different people.  We didn't get along as kids (though the four-year age gap may be part of that--it's a weird one, which I will expound on another day), and as adults we have no issues but don't talk very much either.  We're both married with kids, and we have the same parents and extended family, but that's about where the similarities end.  On the other hand, Craig has a brother and it's obvious that it's a very special bond.  Part of me would love to give Jacob that opportunity, too.  Boys are more exhausting early on, but as they get older there's generally less drama.  There's no temptation for them to dress provocatively (have you walked by the tween clothing section lately?!), and as the saying goes, when you have a boy you have to worry about one guy's...ummm...equipmment, and when you have a girl, you have to worry about hundreds of guys' stuff.  In the long run, boys are easier.

But then I think about the absence I'd feel without a daughter.  My relationship with my mom means the world to me, and I'd love to have a girl to share that with.  As I alluded to earlier, boys have a tendency to "leave" their mom.  They'll always be a special bond, of course, but the expectation is that someday they'll be too cool to be kissed in public, and it would be weird to snuggle past a certain point.  They will fall in love with some girl (hopefully a good one), move out, and start a family of their own.  It'll never really be the same.  But with a girl, there's always a special bond, an opportunity to share stories, the chance to help her learn to be a mother herself.  From my perspective, a relationship with a son will inevitably drift a bit over time, but a relationship with a daughter has the potential to deepen as the years go on.  I know it doesn't necessarily have to end up that way, but I think that's the general tendency.  And as much as I'd love Jacob to have a life-long partner in a brother, I can't help but wonder what I'd be missing out on without a daughter.  Selfish?  Maybe.  But I think having a sister could teach him some lovely skills he might not get otherwise.  It could teach him gentleness, and broaden his horizons.  It could also teach him to be more respectful of everyone else's sisters out there in the dating world someday.  I'd just love to see the softer side of Jacob, where he teaches a sister to have a tea party with her animals, or gently shows her how to kick a soccer ball.  Teaching his brother would be awesome, too, but I think dealing with a girl would force a different side of him that we're not used to seeing.

I don't want to compare one boy to another.  Having a girl would give us a clean(-ish) slate and ensure that we're well-aware this is going to be a whole different ballgame than we've played so far.  I want to see what our genes would produce on the female end, and see how much a daughter would be like a mini-me.  I want someone who will help me dance through life and make me smile simply by randomly floating through the room in a frilly tutu.  There are a million things about girls that scare me, but the biggest fear I have is the absence I'd feel if I didn't get to have one at all.

That said, if we find out on Wednesday that this baby is a boy, it'll probably take me a little while to adjust my expectations and start ramping up to watch my little boy teach his baby brother everything he knows.  I might cry, and I'll be sad.  There will always be a little twinge when I walk by the girls' section of the store, and I'll always wonder how things might have been different.  I'll start praying for awesome daughters-in-law and female grandchildren.  But I will not love my second son any less than my first.  The second he arrives he will no doubt be the joy of my life and I won't be able to truly picture my life any other way.  I will be grateful for a healthy baby boy, and look forward to seeing how he'll look and what he will gravitate to.  I'll savor my solo time when the boys do their thing, and be their biggest cheerleader at each of their sporting events.  I won't have to worry about doing hair or teaching about makeup.  I can stick with the ease of pants and shirts, rather than navigate tights and leggings (and training bras...gah!).  I won't have to make the judgment call to pierce her ears (I don't think I would) or use those funny little headbands on a hairless cueball of a head.  I won't worry about the catty you-know-whats in her middle school classes, or the guys who will inevitably break her heart and make her question her beauty or her entire self-worth.  I'll stick with what I know and that's not such a bad thing.  But a little part of me would really like to know what it's like to parent both genders and explore the full realm of parenting experiences. 

At this point there's nothing we can do about it except wait.  And once we know, we'll start down the paths of the rest of our lives.  It's a big deal and I can only hope I handle it with grace.  I may have more thoughts on this tomorrow as I'm sure in my tiredness I'm forgetting a bunch of points I've been stocking up for a post like this since the day Jacob popped out a boy.  But for now, the curiosity remains and the next couple days will be quite the ride...

Football!

This weekend we had the opportunity to come to Buffalo for some quality family time.  It has been a while since we've seen my extended family, so it was nice to come in for the annual family Oktoberfest.  My cousin, who lives in Reno, was in town for the first time in a while, so it was good to see him, eat some tasty food, and hang out with my family.  The only bad news was that the weather was crappy and Craig had to work a lacrosse game back in Rochester.  No, the Knighthawks season hasn't started yet, but there was an exhibition match between the Iroquois and U.S. National teams, and he was doing the TV broadcast.  

It was good timing because I had to go to the Old Navy at the Galleria Mall because it's the only one in the entire area that has maternity clothes in-store, and I desperately needed to get some new maternity jeans.  The only ones I have--one XS and one small, both bootcut, low-rise jeans--are OK, but one pair squeezes me a little funny in certain places and the other pair is a little too big to wear at the moment.  And now that I can wear jeans to work, I wanted a couple pairs to alternate.  I'm not going to buy many maternity clothes this time around, so I'm OK with getting some jeans that I will wear a lot--even for a while afterward--if they're more comfortable or add something to my wardrobe.  After much debating, I bought two pairs (thank you, well-timed 30% off coupon)--one pair similar to what I have (but seemingly more comfortable), and a pair of skinny jeans.  I can't really believe I bought them, but they look better than I thought they would and if I can figure out enough things to wear with them, I'll keep them.  Something new and different for me, and they'll work well for tucking into boots all winter.  Apparently they make maternity skinny jeans a little roomier than the regular ones, which don't fit my calves, among other body parts.  So, that was interesting.

Anyway...now back to LAST weekend.  Last weekend we had an opportunity to meet my parents in the home of their college alma maters, Alfred, NY.  It's a tiny little town in the middle of nowhere, but it's home to two colleges--Alfred University and SUNY Alfred.  My parents may have come from the same hometown, but college is where they got together, each one going to a different school.  They're right across the street from each other, and the campuses are very pretty nestled among the hills.  

My cousin, Chris, is an athletic trainer for Ithaca College, and Ithaca was playing Alfred University in football.  It seemed like a good opportunity for my parents to revisit their college days, and it was a chance to bring Jacob down there and see a real, live football game.  The weather on the way down was rainy and cold, but once we met my parents for lunch, the weather cleared.  It was still quite cold, but when the sun peeked through the clouds it was pleasant.  The leaves on the way down were stellar, and the view at the game was lovely.  I'm not sure this picture even does it justice...

Alfred captured a surprising blowout win, and Chris even had a couple opportunities to run out on the field and assist with some injuries.  It took some hot chocolate to get Jacob over the cold and get him in a better mood, but the whole game he was eager for it to finish so he'd have a chance to get down to the field.  Here he is with the same smirk I got in a lot of pictures in Atlanta.  Better than nothing, I guess...

And here are Jacob and Craig playing football on the field.  Jacob actually had a great kick, low but straight. Kicker is the only football position I've given him the green light to play, so we'll see if he ever pursues that!

After the game we took a quick drive around the campuses to relive old memories and see what's new.  I love this picture I took of this "castle" on the Alfred University campus.  The building itself is beautiful, but with the leaves and the dark sky, it's even better.

My heart belongs to Geneseo, of course, but Alfred was a lovely little town to visit and it's within my ideal driving radius for college someday, so who knows? :)  It was a fun afternoon with my parents and I'm glad we got to take Jacob to a real football game.  The leaves were an unexpected bonus, though if I wouldn't have been driving I would have had the opportunity to take some pictures to document it all.  But it was a fun day and I'm so glad we made the trip!

Letters to Baby #16 – September 12, 2012

Dear Baby,

Sorry it's been a while since I've written. We've been very busy with the end of summer and beginning of fall. Most notably, we've been busy sharing our big news with everyone! Last Wednesday I made Jacob a “Big Brother” shirt (I couldn't find one to buy!) and he wore it to daycare on Thursday to share the news with his friends and teachers there. Since it was the first week of school for most people, I took a “first day of school” type picture of him to post online and share the news with our friends. Everyone was really excited, of course, and I'm happy to have the news mostly out there. I'm sure there will be people that don't hear the news or miss it online and only figure it out as my belly gets bigger!

Speaking of which, it's getting bigger! It still looks like I've just put on a few pounds, but my clothes are getting tighter and my wardrobe is narrowing! As the weather gets cooler it should be easier to dress myself, as I have some good in between clothes. But when the weather's warm like today and tomorrow, I don't have many bottoms that work well! I have plenty of pants—fat pants, jeans, and later, a bunch of maternity pants—but all of my summer options are either too small or giant maternity size. My summer maternity stuff will be great in Florida in a couple months, though!

I haven't really felt any definite kicks, but at times it seems like you might be in there trying to make your presence known. I'm a little more uncomfortable already than I remember being before, and I'm pretty sure my belly's about a month ahead of what it was last time. I don't mind getting bigger earlier, as long as I don't get hugely bigger than I did overall last time. I'm just not a big person to carry it all around! But I'd like to get into the legit baby belly quicker, if I can. That's way more fun than looking chubby!

I'm feeling better, but still having moments where I don't feel well or feel a little nauseous. I'm tired, but some of my energy seems to be coming back. I hate that I still have a lot of moments where I don't feel good, but overall it's getting better.

I went to the doctor a couple days ago and heard your heartbeat. I even got to record it! It was so good hearing your heart beat strongly, and now that we're past the first trimester, it's really starting to sink in that this is going well and all indications are that you'll be joining us in less than six months! It's hard to believe!

Well, now that the news is out I don't need to keep this “secret” diary on the side, so this will be my last letter for now. Hopefully I can get on a regular schedule of writing you letters live on my blog, maybe once a month or so. If nothing else, maybe I'll wait a few more weeks until we find out if you're a boy or a girl, and then I'll at least know who I'm writing to! But farewell for now, and I'm sure I'll be talking to you soon!

Love,

Mommy

Letters to Baby #15 - August 28, 2012

Dear Baby,

We're past the 12 week mark now! I was really looking forward to getting to this point because I was hoping I'd be feeling better. And to some degree, I am. I'm not constantly feeling nauseous like I was before, but I'm still not feeling great. I have moments where I feel normal, but there are still times where I feel nauseous, or extra tired, or just generally blah. Some food just doesn't seem to agree with me. Workouts take a toll. Some of my energy is back, but I'm still tired enough at night that the house isn't getting cleaned and doing much more than sitting on the computer is asking a lot. I just feel like it''s one little setback after another, which is annoying since last time around I was already feeling much better by now. I don't have a day-by-day account to know for sure, but as I recall, once we went to Florida around 11 weeks, I was fine. Tired, but otherwise OK. Right now I just feel like everything I do has the potential to exhaust me or impact you. Yesterday I was pushing a heavy shopping cart around and I definitely felt the effects. My stomach muscles are always extra sensitive (that was one of the first reasons I thought I might be pregnant), so the littlest thing (a sneeze, turning wrong) can feel like a strain. I'm trying not to pick up Jacob because he's over the weight limit of what I'm supposed to lift.

I'm starting to worry that this pregnancy is going to be different than last time. After the initial phase of nausea and general blahs, I more or less enjoyed being pregnant. It had its difficult moments, but for the most part I was totally cool with it. This time around I'm already feeling a little stuck. I don't feel well, I am too tired to take care of my house, I can't lift up my child to hug him, and I'm wondering how on earth I'm going to be functional for the next six months if I'm already feeling limited now. I have a lot to do between now and then, and I feel like I don't have the energy or motivation to get anything done. I'm already feeling much larger than I was last time (at least based on what I'm seeing from my blog, the stuff I'm going through right now was weeks after this point), which I expected, but I'm worried it's partly because I've been eating more (trying to stave off the nausea). I'm just worried that this is going to get harder faster and I'm not going to enjoy this experience like I'd hoped.

Of course, I'm hoping all of this is worse because you're a girl, and sometimes they say nausea is worse with girls. I can hope. But if not, I'm bracing myself for what kind of boy you might be!

We haven't really told that many more people yet. I have one more person I'd really like to tell before sharing it with the world, but that hasn't happened yet so I still haven't shared much. I also find it very awkward to bring up. So, if it comes up, great...if not, they'll find out eventually. Is it bad that I want to tell people just so I can vent on Facebook and my blog? Keeping all this to myself can be a little challenging at times! We also need to tell Jacob. I'm hoping that we can do that this weekend, and when I go out shopping on Friday (my birthday!) I'm hoping to find a “Big Brother” shirt for him to help us share the news with everyone else when the time comes. Daddy is in Las Vegas this week for work, so I guess a few things would be on hold anyway.

I don't mean to complain. I'm so happy you're in there, but right now it's just a challenge to be going through this and not having as easy of a time as I feel like I had last time. More than likely you'll be here six months from right now, so I know it's just a limited period of time and I should just suck it up and try to relax. I get worried that not feeling well reflects something about your health, but hopefully it's just me and you're swimming along perfectly. You're a the size of a lime this week, by the way.

Time for me to go to bed, even though coverage of Hurricane Isaac is riveting. Stay strong in there and give me a few kicks if you can. I'm waiting!

Love,

Mommy

Symptoms? What symptoms?

My last pregnancy was pretty uneventful.  Beyond the usual first trimester blahs, the only blip on the radar was probably that I had to start taking iron in the third trimester.  Beyond that I dealt with leg cramps and round ligament pain, but that was about it.  This pregnancy, however, I should just refer to as the pregnancy of random, symptom-less illnesses. 

I believe it was at my first prenatal checkup that they found (TMI warning) the presence of some yeast. Yep, I had my first ever yeast infection.  Treatment options while pregnant are a bit different than normal, so instead of getting to take an oral medicine or one of the quick three-day cream treatments, I had to go the full week of treatment.  As far as I know it cleared it up, but it's hard to know because I never really had any symptoms in the first place.  The doctors aren't concerned about it at this point if there are no symptoms, so I guess that's that.

Yesterday I got home and had a message waiting for me on our home voicemail.  It was the nurse at my doctor's office, asking me to call them back.  This annoyed me for a number of reasons--first, they have my other numbers.  Why not use them?  Second, pretty much the only think they check at monthly appointments that has a delayed check is urine.  And most of the things they check urine for can be pretty serious.  Third, you're dealing with a pregnant woman, and pregnant women are generally a little more emotional/irrational, so it's not cool to leave a message that can't be returned until the next day.  Getting back to the urine check, there are a handful of things they check for.  They check for sugar, which could indicate gestational diabetes.  They check for ketones, which could indicate you're not getting enough nourishment.  They check for protein, which could indicate either a urinary tract infection or, later on, preeclampsia.  They also look for bacteria and blood, which could also be indicators of infection.  None of those is particularly ideal.

So, this morning, I called first thing.  I got a call back a little while later, and lo and behold, I have a urinary tract infection.  Again, I had no noticeable symptoms, so this was a surprise.  I did notice cloudy urine from time to time, but nothing consistent.  I don't have a sense of smell (as I've mentioned before), so I can't tell if there has been an odor, but there hasn't been any pain or anything that I'm used to hearing about.  Turns out it's not uncommon, though.  Of course, today I was sitting at my desk and starting having little bursts of discomfort in my lower back, around my kidneys.  I don't know if I've had those exact pains before, though I have had a couple moments where it felt like maybe the baby was in a weird spot, so it could be that it was actually just pain from the UTI.  After those little bursts I was definitely eager to get started on the drugs (pregnancy-safe antibiotics) and get this thing taken care of.  The risk of kidney infections is greater while pregnant, so I'd rather make sure to avoid that! 

I was relieved that it wasn't something worse, but it got me extra nervous about how I would react if I did, for example, get gestational diabetes.  So much of my diet is carbs and fruit, so I can't imagine what I'd do if I had to cut that stuff out!  Nothing is ever guaranteed in pregnancy, from start to finish.  I've known a couple of women that ended up with gestational diabetes, and I've read plenty of blogs over the last five years about the myriad of problems that can pop up during pregnancy, and while I'm smart enough to know I shouldn't assume they'll happen to me, I also know I can't assume they won't.  Just because my last pregnancy went perfectly doesn't mean that this one will.  I felt worse for longer this time around, and some of my discomfort (like round ligament pain) started early.  I'm a little bigger this time around, I think, and I seem to be having a little more difficulty with working out sooner than I did last time.  Today I did something for the first time in a while and while it was never easy back when I did it often, it was extra hard today.  It was a sobering reminder of how quickly my fitness has fallen off, and how hard the comeback will be next spring.  I'm done working my abs, but keeping my core strength up is going to be hard.  And the weaker some parts get, the easier it is for the rest of me to get weak.  I worked out until I was 7-1/2 months along last time.  I'm just about four months now, still a little less than five to go, and I'm having a hard time believing I'll be able to go more than three more months at this rate...but I'm sure going to try!

Anyway, I will gladly take my antibiotic and get rid of this infection, even if I didn't know it was there to begin with.  I can't help but wonder if it's had any ill effects to this point, things I would have otherwise just chalked up to pregnancy.  We shall see.  But hopefully I can get back to healthy (and hopefully avoid the cold I seem to be fighting), and get ready for a fun weekend with my extended family. I still have to catch you up on last weekend, speaking of which.  Soon, I promise!

Letters to Baby #14 - August 20, 2012

Dear Baby,

Here we are at 11 weeks, two days. We're getting ever closer to the end of the first trimester, and I couldn't be happier! I'm slowly but surely starting to feel better. Today was the first day where nausea wasn't a big deal, just a couple minutes here and there. I still don't feel normal, but so much better. I'm still very tired, however. I went to bed early the last couple nights, and nearly fell asleep on Jacob's floor when I was putting him to bed. I could have stayed in bed all morning over the weekend. We had a couple picnics to attend, and it was fun sharing our news with a few more family members, but thank goodness Daddy played with Jacob a lot because I was tired!

I was trying to think back if I was this tired last time, and I guess I was. At this point we were in Florida on vacation. Once we got down there I started to feel fine, but I do remember conking out pretty early at night. We'd go-go-go all day (nothing crazy, but full days for sure), and I must have gotten by on adrenaline because I don't remember feeling that tired during the day. But once we got back to where we were staying at night, it was all I could do to grab some dinner (if we hadn't already) and watch a little TV before conking out on the couch. Seems pretty similar these days! We had barely gotten to Bacie and Dziadziu's house on Saturday night and I had to get Jacob in bed right away. I could barely keep myself awake long enough to get my pajamas on and brush my teeth.

I've been pretty tired all along, so I'm really hoping it subsides a bit so I can get around to all of the things I haven't really done in the last month and a half—like clean the house, get in more than one workout a week, and not just collapse in my chair at the end of the day. It didn't quite happen tonight, but hopefully soon. I think it works better when I get to the gym right after work, but that's not always easy. I can definitely tell my stomach is getting a little bigger, but I don't know if it's you growing (you're a fig this week), not working out enough, or eating too much food. I need to eat every two or three hours or I get really hungry. It's a tough balance. I didn't gain any weight in my first trimester last time and I'd like to keep up the trend, but I'm not sure that's going to happen this time. I want to stay in good shape and be healthy, but right now it feels like an insurmountable hill to climb...at least until the tiredness lays off a bit.

In the meantime, at least I'm starting to feel better. Soon we can share the news with everyone, and then this is going to get fun. I can't wait!

Love,

Mommy

Fear

Every time I see something on Facebook or a blog about someone whose kid gets sick--be it a nasty puking incident or something far more serious/life-changing--I can't help but put myself in their shoes.  It's so awful to have a sick kid.  It's sad when they're not feeling well, inconvenient to stay home or find alternate care, hard to get a good night's sleep, and stressful when it's something that could potentially do real harm. 

The first time Jacob got a stomach bug we totally pulled the first-time parent panic and ended up taking him to the emergency room.  He was only 18 months old and he'd been puking all afternoon...which in retrospect really isn't that bad.  Kids puke for days sometimes.  But he was little and we'd never dealt with it before, and we were nervous that by the time we figured out he was dehydrated, it would be too late.  His last puke that day was right before we went to the hospital, and in the end he was fine.  But that afternoon was torture.  In addition to your child's misery, there's also the fear of getting it yourself.  Craig did, big time.  I ended up with some sort of other, milder stomach issue.  But it's so hard to parent when you're sick, so as much as you could pity yourself, it's more about wanting to make sure your child is taken care of regardless.

Having been down that road a few times now, I have an extra level of pity for other parents that go through it.  Just this morning a very pregnant friend posted that her son (I think he's two) puked all over her car this morning on the way to HER doctor to get checked for a long-lasting migraine.  I can't imagine being super pregnant and feeling like crap, and then having to deal with a destroyed car and a sick kid.  Ugh. 

But in the grand scheme of things, I know that a pukey kid is not a big deal.  Jacob's had plenty of other issues, from his long-lasting cough as an infant, to his reflux, to his mole removal, to his strep and pneumonia this past winter.  But again, as inconvenient and difficult as those issues were at times, it could be so much worse.

Earlier this week a friend of mine from college posted on Facebook that there was a Caring Bridge site for her three year old daughter, the fourth of her five kids.  I went to look at it, and all I could do was shake my head in disbelief.  Her daughter had been experiencing vomiting and headaches for a few weeks, and after a number of inconclusive tests, they discovered that she had a small tumor on the back of her head near her spine.  The days since the discovery have been spent at the hospital, which is obviously difficult enough with a three-year-old, let alone with four other kids to care for as well.  Today she had surgery to remove the tumor.  It appears to have gone well, but she'll probably have radiation in her future, if not chemo as well.

There are so many things that have gone through my mind in the past few days.  First, I can't even fathom how I'd react to a situation like this.  I had my moments through all of Jacob's issues, but tried to stay calm and take things one day at a time.  But then again, none of his issues were completely life-threatening.  They don't know yet whether the tumor is cancerous, but I can't imagine how horrible the wait will be even now that the surgery's over, to know for sure what her future holds.  The strength it takes to go through something like this as a parent is just incomprehensible.  The mere thought of anything happening to Jacob, who is so full of life...well, I just can't even go there.  And I'm sure these parents are dealing with those same emotions, but in a much more real way.

Second, after hearing about this and seeing other things having to do with sick kids in the past few weeks, it really hit home that having another baby opens us up to all of the stress times two.  You're never really out of the woods, no matter the age of your child, but obviously babyhood is such a huge unknown because your child is so fragile and helpless.  It feels like a major accomplishment to come out of that period, and now we're about to go into it again.  Heck, next week's ultrasound has been all about the gender, but there's always a risk that they'll find more than we bargained for.  So, not only are we going to go through all of the crazy baby stuff again, but we're going to have two children roaming this earth to worry about.  We'll have two kids that will share illnesses (possibly at the same time!) and have to keep our eyes on two accident-prone little people at once.  Years down the road we'll have two kids in school and later two teenagers who will be faced with tough choices, and we can only hope to teach them enough in the coming years to ensure they will make smart decisions when the time comes.  But you can't control everything, and having another child just doubles the chances of something going wrong.  It also doubles your joy, of course, which is why people keep reproducing, but it's a scary prospect nonetheless.

The thing that really hit me today was the insane amount of support that they were receiving via social media.  Between their Caring Bridge page and Facebook, I can't even tell you how many people (including me) expressed their concern and offered to pray for them.  My suitemate from college set up 24 hours of prayer for them.  The outpouring of support has to be a huge help emotionally.  Given all of the "bad stuff" that people think about social media, it's amazing to see it do such a good thing.  In the old days it would be a church prayer chain of a handful of people, and now it's a worldwide effort of friends, friends of friends, and beyond.  Amazing.  So many of the people involved in this case were college friends, so it's nice to know there's a solid network out there in the event we need it.  It makes the prospect of dealing with the potential problems of two kids a little less scary.  It doesn't remove the fear of something happening to one of our children, but it's good to know we wouldn't go through it alone...on earth or otherwise.  The power of prayer is an awesome thing, and I will continue to pray that this little girl comes out of this healthy and completely healed.  And I throw in some prayers for my little family along the way, as well.  I wouldn't have it any other way.