The difference 30 years can make...

Ok, picture #2 isn't the most flattering (I think I have to work on my angles with this new body), but I thought I'd have a little fun for Easter. A few weeks back I figured out that back on Easter 1978, my mom would have been about as pregnant as I was at that point (depending on when Easter fell), so I decided to pull out the family photo albums to see if there was any photographic proof. Sure enough, there it was. It's tough to tell how big my mom was at that point, but considering it was baby #2, she looks pretty good and fairly similar to where I was. Yesterday morning I had the brainstorm to snap a picture of that picture, then use it as an excuse to post a new picture of myself. I know I don't need an excuse, but seriously, it helps to have some sort of specific reason to bother. It's tough to tell how big I am in yesterday's picture, too, actually. Rest assured, the belly is getting bigger and bigger. It's still not huge, but it's a big change from where I started this process. I know I look very good for the point I'm at, though. Not much chub has migrated anywhere else, so for that I am grateful.

Anyway, I thought the Easter now and then thing was sort of funny, so I hope you enjoy it. Not much new to report, though yesterday my dad debated my use of the term "phantom" in my last post. I do know that it's a real baby and not a ghost (or nothing) making those movements, but I still think "phantom" is an allowable term because the baby plays the ghost, moving about without my knowledge and suddenly "appearing"!

I've been getting a lot of random body parts pushing on the inside of my belly today, so I'm thinking the baby is starting to lose its extra space in there. Things are only going to get more cramped from here on out!

Phantom Movement

One of the newer phenomena that I've been experiencing lately is phantom baby movement...that's the only way I can think of to describe it. It's stealth movement, almost unnoticeable. See, on one hand there's the obvious movements...kicks, thumps, ripples across my belly...anything that is totally noticeable, either because I can actually see it happening or because I can feel it hitting my insides. I find that sort of movement really entertaining. Watching your body do things when you're not making them happen is such a strange thing, but it's really cool. I like watching my belly move and knowing that it's the baby moving around inside. Craig can enjoy that now too, which is nice. We still can't really identify body parts yet, but I'm sure it's just a matter of time.

Phantom movement, however, just seemed to start recently. It's really odd. All I can describe it as is a strange sensation inside my body. It's not visible, and it's really not even identifiable while it's happening. I just sense something strange, and usually I can pinpoint where it seems to be coming from. When the sensation passes, I can usually feel in that area of my belly and that's where the baby is hanging out. That area of my belly can go from being soft one second to rock hard the next, because there's a baby hanging out just beneath the surface.

The closest example I can give to describe it is a gas bubble. You ever have a funny feeling in your stomach, a feeling you almost can't put your finger on, and seconds later you hear or feel a gas bubble gurgle through your insides? That momentary pre-bubble feeling is what this phantom movement is closest to, but it's even more subtle than that. It's not necessarily painful, but sometimes there is a slight discomfort, which seems to be a baby appendage poking into something. If there is discomfort, it doesn't last long. I generally just rub the area for a little while to see if the baby responds, and eventually one of us loses interest and moves on.

I noticed it happening periodically over the past week or so, then really started noticing it while sitting in church on Thursday night and Friday afternoon. It even happened while I was sitting here typing this entry. The ironic thing? When I'm getting ready to sleep in a little while, that's when the obvious movement will kick in. It's already starting...mommy's getting ready to sleep, and the baby will do anything but!

Have a Happy Easter, everyone!

Reality TV

It always amazes me to think about how reality TV has shaped our perceptions of certain life experiences. Way back in the day, I think your average person generally had little idea about things like plastic surgery, drug rehab/addiction, or any other life-changing experience. However, reality TV has given us insight into all of those things--from the numerous plastic surgery shows, to VH1's Celebrity Rehab, A&E's Intervention and MTV's True Life. I'm not saying that these shows give a completely full and accurate portrayal, but I think it gives normal people a glimpse into experiences they wouldn't otherwise have, enough to have a vague sense of what actually happens in those circumstances.

Back before reality TV was everywhere, TLC was getting the ball rolling with its daytime lineup of A Wedding Story and A Baby Story. I recall watching a LOT of that stuff back in college, and it's been a normal part of my weekday mornings off (the few I have) ever since. Back in college A Baby Story was a little beyond our comprehension. That just seemed so far off, but we formed a lot of important ideas about childbirth at that point. More on those in a bit. At that point we were pretty fixated on A Wedding Story, because marriage was a foreseeable goal (ok, we didn't have the guys, but kept hoping we'd find the right one soon) and we did know some people who were getting married, so it all seemed a little more relevant. It was funny a couple years ago when I watched A Wedding Story for the first time in a while to realize I had leap-frogged that show...that the show portrayed something that seemed so huge and important back then (wedding planning and marriage are huge and important, but it was merely a big dream back in college), and that I had already survived it! Watching it now is like, "Yeah, been there, done that...it was great but I don't miss the planning!"

A Baby Story is a different story, however. And these days they have another show, Bringing Home Baby, about the first 36 hours home from the hospital. I've seen enough of them over the years to know exactly what I'm going to see each episode...but watching them now takes on a whole new meaning, because that will officially be us in 3-1/2 months. It's a little mind-boggling...almost can't wrap my brain around the fact that after all these years, I'm going to be that screaming, sweaty woman in labor, then a couple days later we'll be those parents trying to figure out why the baby won't stop crying at 3am. You can watch it a million times, but only when it's actually in the forseeable future does it really start to set in. It's one thing to know you're going to be the screaming, sweaty woman at some point...but it's another to actually know WHEN. Despite the scary stuff, watching these shows can also be comforting because you see that everyone else goes through the same thing and survives it.

This morning I got to see a couple episodes of Bringing Home Baby. Nothing new or life-altering, but it just reminded me yet again that it's going to be quite the experience...I'm just happy we won't have a full cameras crew documenting it. I'm actually a little relieved I didn't come across A Baby Story today. Back in December I watched a couple episodes on the plane down to Florida (thanks Jet Blue) and managed to see two straight episodes of women going through natural child birth...water births, no less. Lots of pain, lots of screaming, lots of bloody water...not really what you want to see when you're pregnant. Let me see the nice happy woman sporting an epidural and no purple stretch marks, and I'm a happy camper. I just have to keep those images in my head, rather than the scary ones...because even if my experience is more like the scary ones, hopefully it'll all be a blur anyway. Maybe it's ignoring the inevitable, but I'm trying not to think too much about labor. I don't want to spend the next three months worrying about it because 1) it's too late to turn back anyway; 2) it'll drive me nuts; and 3) I might psych myself out for nothing.

Anyway, I just think it's funny that reality TV has given women like me insight into this whole childbirth process like our parents' generation never had. And who says reality TV is all crap?

Oh, and in case you're wondering...what jewels of wisdom did A Baby Story teach us back in college? 1) Epidurals hurt, but they appear to be worth it. 2) Babies are covered in goo when they pop out, so really, it's perfectly ok if you clean the baby off right away before handing it to me. 3) Hats are great after the baby gets cleaned up...not only are they cute, but they cover unfortunate labor-induced coneheads. 4) One or maybe two family members are the maximum capacity for the delivery room. Any more than that is just weird. Having your current children watch the new one pop out is just weird. Pardon my saying, but no kid needs to see that much of their mom's vagina, nor something that traumatic and bloody at such a young age. I'm 29 and pregnant and didn't like seeing it in Knocked Up. I don't care how much of a miracle it is...it's frightening. And as Mary used to say every time we'd see a delivery room full of people: "Hel-lo, I'm not wearing any pants...get out of my room!" Well said.

More progress...

Last night Craig and I took another baby step to getting the baby's room up and running. Over the weekend I put together Craig's new dresser (the one that would help make room in our office for a guest bedroom), and when Craig got home from his roadtrip he sorted through the stuff in his old dresser and moved things into the new one. Last night he moved the old dresser down into the basement storage room and we moved one bed into the office. My ultimate goal is to figure out how to do a trundle bed setup...without spending a ton of money. I'd like to have two beds available for guests without having to worry about air mattresses or anything like that. And hey, if we can pull that off, it's one less thing we have to store somewhere else in the basement. I'm not sure it's possible, though. IKEA used to have a cheap bed-trundle bed set, but they ditched the trundle a year or two ago....darn it. Worst case scenario we just trash or donate the other bed, because both the mattress and frame are old, but it would be a shame to have to get rid of it.

But anyway, one bed out of the baby's room is progress. I also moved one picture out of there to the office, and will try to move another (my prized eyeball picture, for those of you who have seen it...I know it's freaky but it's still cool) one of these days. The picture and frame are really heavy so it always takes a little planning to hang that one...studs and everything. I think I'm going to move one series of five little pictures from the office to my cubicle at work to free up some wall space, and I'd still really like to find some curtains that will tie the whole office together...it's a bit of a mish-mash of stuff right now (different wood colors, a dark green rug, a bluish comforter on the bed, pink window valances...yikes), so anything I can do to make that room seem like it wasn't just thrown together would be nice. On the bright side, it's nice to have a bed in there so we have somewhere to lounge while watching TV online (when we miss an episode of something, generally).

It's nice to make progress, but each step like this makes all of this more and more real. We're making real changes for a major life event, and that's a little scary. Good scary, but scary nonetheless! Lots to think about, and less and less time to make it all happen!

Belly Issues...

..and this time it's not about the size! I noticed two odd trends over the past few days that have me a little worried. And no, don't worry...it's nothing really serious...just little things that are a tad frightening to me. First, my belly button is flattening out. I've always had an innie, and recently I've noticed that it's getting shallower. The bottom hole from my belly button ring was never visible before, and now it is. And just in general I can tell that it's not going to be too much longer before it's not concave at all...and we all know what happens after that...yikes. All this time I've been annoyed that my belly button shows up as an indent under fitted clothes...and now I have a feeling it's going to go the other way before I know it! And I know that freaks some people out, so I'm really not looking forward to when that happens. Regardless...the mere fact that I can tell that my belly button is getting shallower is just...weird.

The other disturbing trend is that I'm suddenly super-snacky. I didn't have a great food weekend in general, but having some Easter candy around (it's only once a year...and as we all know, Cadbury eggs disappear after Easter!) has not helped matters. First it was malted milk robin eggs (my favorite), then Craig got me a couple Cadbury eggs as a treat before he left for Edmonton. Then I went to Tops on Saturday for my "stop-in-and-get-what-Wegmans-doesn't-carry" trip, and they had these yummy gummy bunnies with sugar on the outside (like sour patch kids, but not sour) and I had to try them. Then I had some left over Rice Krispies from making treats a while back, and decided to use up some leftover melting chocolate that had been in my fridge forever (the house was too warm to keep them anywhere else in the summer) by making chocolate rice krispie clusters...so now those are sitting around the house, too. Then I come into work today and there's three dozen Tim Horton's donuts and two dozen green bagels sitting in the kitchen. While I usually try to steer clear of donuts, my one exception is my favorite donut ever, Tim Horton's chocolate glazed. So, I had to have one. But all day the remaining donuts and bagels have taunted me...and then someone brought out brownies. UGH! It's one big conspiracy, and I'm finding myself lacking my usual willpower. I'm hoping this is just a hormonal swing or something and I will go back to my normal, moderate-eating self sometime soon.

On the bright side, Craig is currently on his way back from Edmonton, so seeing him will be my reward after tonight's workout to work off a measley 200 calories of the 200-million I feel like I've eaten (or wanted to) the last couple days...

Feeling weak...

It's been tough lately watching my strength, endurance and general physical ability go downhill. I'm a small person, and despite being in good shape and being fairly strong for my size, it's always been frustrating when I couldn't do things on my own. I was infamous at my old job for always being the girl running around the arena with a cart full of heavy boxes, moving them from the loading dock to storage, and although it wasn't a fun part of the job, I did take some pride in being able to do things like that...and it used to kill me when something was too heavy for me to move myself.

Now that I'm pregnant, I'm running into obstacles like that more and more. Originally it was just an energy thing, but now it's turning into a physical issue on top of it. My energy is ok now, but I will say that the physical thing can be a bit draining mentally after a while. For example, earlier in the week my belly was feeling really tight. It wasn't pain, exactly, but it was almost like the muscles were a little fatigued from carrying around the extra bulk...and although that fatigue didn't directly affect my energy level, constantly feeling that tightness made me feel a little worn out.

This week I really started noticing how quickly I wear out these days. As I've mentioned, I've been working out this whole time. The class that I attend once a week got me into shape a few years ago, and I've been using it to keep me active during this pregnancy. I knew that at some point I'd have to modify it a bit, which I have. I now take more breaks, do more stretching, and do my chest exercises from an exercise ball rather than flat on my back. It takes a lot of restraint to hold back, but like my instructor says, "Don't be a hero!" This week specifically, I noticed that I couldn't do something that I could do (albeit briefly) last week. A plank is an exercise where you hold yourself up on your elbows and toes while keeping your back flat, in essence making your body flat like a plank of wood. It takes a lot of ab strength, and I have stopped doing abs, so I knew eventually they would get hard. Last week I couldn't hold myself up for long, but this week I couldn't do it at all...it felt like my stomach was just pulling me down to the floor. A difference like that within just a week was a little scary. I know I will have to give it up fairly soon, but I think I'm going to still go to the gym at that time and do cardio or something, just to stay in the social circle of the class. They're a good group of people.

Then last night I put together a new dresser for Craig, one that's helping to make room in our office for a guest bed. I know that furniture assembly isn't exactly an easy task for even the most normal people, but man, did I get worn out. I was very ready for bed when it was done. Weekends are actually tough for me these days, because it's a delicate balance between productivity and boredom. If I try to do stuff, it's easy to get tired out. If I spend too much time on the couch, I feel like a lazy blob. Back in the days when I worked weekends, I got used to having to fit all of my weekend tasks into a day, or just an afternoon. It's tough to get out of that mode, but I am getting better at it. I try to split up things across days, or even weekends, to at least give myself a few hours of nothing at home here and there. I'll get over the lack of productivity feeling at some point, but when it comes to baby stuff, time is limited so I can't get too relaxed!

Long story short, I am still catching myself before I get too wiped out, so don't worry. But it's tough knowing you can't rely on your energy or abilities to be what they were just a few months or weeks ago...and that it's only going to get worse. Like everything else in this experience, it's just a temporary inconvenience and will all be worth it in the long run, but it's definitely taking some adjustment.

Wishing for Spring...

As much as I love the early daylight savings changeover these days, I think it's just a bit of false hope. I definitely love driving home in sunlight, and being surprised when the clock hits 5pm because it's still so bright out. However, daylight saving time used to correspond better with the coming of spring, so I suppose whatever mental benefit I'm getting from more daylight is being equaled out by the disappointment that it's still 30-some degrees out and there's still a foot of snow on the ground.

For years it seemed like DST came in right in time for Easter, to steal a precious hour of sleep when I needed it most--before getting up at the crack of dawn for sunrise service on Easter. I know that usually that happened sometime in April and April can still be awfully chilly around here, but by then we'd probably had a couple 50-60 degree days in a row, and there was some hope that spring was coming. But obviously, with DST being so much earlier this year and last, it's this false trigger that it should be getting warmer...and it probably won't for a while yet.

I keep hoping it will, however, not just for the obvious reasons, but because it will make things easier going forward with this pregnancy. No more fear of slipping on ice, no more agonizing over not being able to shovel (and with Craig going on the road a bunch coming up, that's a real concern anyway), no more wondering how long my winter coat is going to keep fitting around my stomach, and more freedom when it comes to clothes-buying since I won't have to worry as much about trying to keep warm but getting things that will work for the months to come.

Of course, the sooner spring gets here, the quicker the baby will arrive...and we're definitely not ready for that yet! I'm trying not to wish away these weeks (being busy at work tends to do that), because I know this whole experience should be savored...and like I mentioned in my last post, I'm trying to enjoy as much sleep and relaxation as possible before our time is completely monopolized by this new little person! It's coming quickly enough...and anyway, I just know that the second it gets warm, it's going to get HOT (happens every year), and I don't really want to be roasting for months either!