The Big 4-0

Well, it's here.  I'm officially 40.  I have no idea how that's possible.  I spent so much of my life being annoyed because I looked so young, and now I am firmly within the realm where I am very happy I don't look my age.  I shock most of the people who hear my age, and while I can't take much credit for it (good genes), I am thankful.

But the sheer number sort of shocks me, no matter what age I feel.  Sometimes I still feel like a 20-something, until I see a real 20-something, at which point I feel more like a low-to-mid-30-something.  I think part of that is that it took me a long time to get any respect because I looked so young, so I haven't really been treated as being older, ever.  Time has flown, though, so while the first 20 years of my life seemed to take forever, the last 20 have been so fast that I've nearly lost track of time.  Those of us of a certain age laugh when we realize that in just over a year, 1990 will be 30 years ago, not 10 or 20.  I've spent the last 10 years in particular completely wrapped up in my kids and my work, and as they say, the days are long but the years are short.  When I realize I've already been at my "new" job for over three years, it sort of blows my mind.  I'm already a third of the way to where I was at my old one.  When I think that it's been over 10 years since Craig and I took a solo vacation, I start to realize we might be missing out on the prime of life because of the busyness of life.  We're not getting any younger, and the remaining young years are going faster than we realize.  So, like I said in a previous post, I have a renewed appreciation for seizing the moment and trying to make the most of the time we have.  Even without some sort of tragedy to cut it shorter, it's still short enough!

As I was going through the 5,700 photos I scanned from my parents' albums, I kept looking at my relatives, though probably most of all my mom, as they passed through different ages.  Do they look older than I did at that age?  Was it just my perception, or was it the styles, or have we just changed the way we age?  I mean, even trying to look as objectively as possible at my parents vs. my grandparents at their respective 40th anniversaries, my grandparents looked so much older despite them being at similar ages.  I know that growing up in the post-depression era and going through WWII (and my grandpa being in it then coming home to a blue collar job), then raising six kids probably had an impact, but still...it's fascinating.  Similarly, here's my mom on her 40th birthday (which I remember quite vividly, mind you)…

I get it--the hair and the outfit were vintage 1990, and that's not helping my comparison.  Jacob says I look younger, but he also knows his grandma as an older person (much like I did with my grandparents which probably plays into my anniversary comparison above).  So, it's hard to tell.  But perhaps getting genes from two young-looking parents has given me a superpower! ;-)

Speaking of those albums, I thought we'd do a visual comparison of me at every decade.  Here I am at birth...

A bit worse for wear, but out after a very long labor!

My tenth birthday...

In the thick of the awkward phase...yay.

A few weeks shy of my 20th birthday...

With my friend Mike at my cousin's wedding reception.  It was the best picture I had of myself around that time.

On my 30th birthday (and yes, that was a big day for Jacob, too!)…

And today...

Ok, maybe that's not a fair comparison because good selfie angles and flattering lighting help!  So here's a pic from the other night at my Red Robin birthday dinner...which is probably closer to everyday me...

I know I've aged, but it's hard to tell exactly how.  Other than knowing I have more lines around my eyes, and that I'm closer to a double chin and yet my cheeks are hollowing out a little bit, at a glance in these pics I can't really tell what the real difference is.  And you know what, most of the time I'm totally fine with who I am.  Sure, I miss the thinner body I once had (the one I once hated, of course), but I had two kids with that body.  As long as I look okay in clothes (and okay enough without), I'm fine.  Heck, I'll take my 40-year-old self over my 10-year-old self any day!  Better with age, right?

Well, it was a pretty good day overall.  Started out the day with a run, then down time with the kids, then off to Buffalo for Craig's cousin's wedding this weekend.  She was our flower girl, so if I wasn't already feeling old today, that'll do it tomorrow.  She asked me to do a reading in the wedding so we came into town for the rehearsal.  Turns out they got me a cake and everyone sang "Happy Birthday" to me!  Add in 80+ Facebook messages and a few texts and it was a pretty good day!

The good news is that age is just a number and I don't feel 40.  I'll still marvel at the number, but it's starting out well nonetheless!