This is (Almost) 40

So, my 40th birthday is just a few weeks away.  I think I'm keeping good perspective on it, all things considered.  I know that I look younger than 40, and like I said previously, my 30s were all about my kids so it's not like I'm saying goodbye to some crazy party version of myself.  I appreciate the wisdom that comes with age and while the number sounds a little intimidating, it's fine.  Most of my friends have seen their big day come and go, and heck, Craig's was over five years ago...so I know it's merely a date on the calendar and a number that doesn't necessarily define me.  Ask me again on August 30, but for now, I'm okay.

However, starting a new decade, particularly one that seems quite middle-aged (or even toward the back end of that era) definitely brings with it some perspective.  I think I mentioned before that it struck me as I was scanning photos of my aunt and uncle's 40th birthday that the 31 years since then didn't seem so long ago, but suddenly now as the then-40-year-old man is no longer with us, it's a stark reminder that we may not have as many years to work with as we think, and also that the years we have go fast.  It just sort of renews that "no time like the present" feeling, and I think that's been pushing me over the last couple weeks to rectify a few things.

A few weeks back I went to try on a couple dresses that I had in mind to wear for a wedding next week.  I knew it had been a rough winter and spring, but when one of my favorite dresses almost wouldn't zip up (and was really uncomfortable on), I freaked out a bit.  I was sick for a good portion of the fall and winter, and our schedule just got crazy by spring, so working out just wasn't happening.  Even with an elliptical in our basement, by the time I got home, finished dinner, and sat down for a little bit to decompress, suddenly it was bedtime and I had either missed my window to work out or I'd have to do it after bedtime, which isn't my favorite.  I don't think I'd gained a lot of weight--maybe a few pounds, I never checked--but I'm sure I lost muscle and I know that my body had an ever-so-slight added layer of fat all around.  Nothing noticeable, really, but I think it's just that subtle aging thing that eventually leads to batwing arms and a belly pooch no matter how skinny you are.  But in my case I think I had gained just enough in the upper body that the zipper wouldn't go.  And when I tried on another, more stretchy dress and I wasn't thrilled with how it looked, I decided drastic action was needed.  So, ever since I've been aiming to be legitimately active about five days per week.  Some days that's actual exercise, like a run or elliptical session.  Others it's been yard work, or running around and climbing a playground with Carter, or shooting some hoops with Jacob.  I've also tried harder to watch what I eat.  My weight the other day was around where it had been for a few years, and considering I've probably built up more muscle, that's probably a good sign.  I haven't tried the dress on again.  It probably still won't fit right, which might be discouraging, but I'm going to keep at it as much as I can, for as long as I can.

The thing is, no matter what the scale says, I feel better--about my myself and in my energy level. That's not to say I don't have moments, but I do feel the difference in my self-worth when I'm active.  I feel stronger and more productive, and I really do think that the energy that results from a good workout keeps me more active in the evenings.  It's really just getting out of my chair in the first place that's the challenge!  But then I think about the dress, and how good it feels once I do it, and I get it done.  It feels great afterward.  I know I won't be able to sustain this--it involves sacrifice and a bit of selfishness, which isn't ideal long term, and as the weather changes I won't have as much variety so the motivation may decrease a bit.  But for now I'm going to do what I can to keep it up.

I've also been trying to organize my life and keep up with things a bit better.  I can't say I've been super successful, but I'm trying to be mindful of starting to get rid of stuff and keeping the clutter to a minimum around my house.  It's not easy, but even just a half hour of organizing every week can work wonders.  I don't know what it is, but clutter really does get to me now.  When there are piles covering every surface, I just can't deal.  Usually it will annoy me to no end, and when I finally hit a breaking point I immediately MUST go through it.  Usually that leads to a number of other decluttering sessions, and eventually the house looks like like it's ready for Hoarders.  Last weekend I did a much overdue photo session with the kids' artwork, and I now have two neat piles of keepsakes that need to go to their bins.  The dining room table was a wreck, with the big sticking point being a prize I won at a shower a few weeks back.  I was one of the last people picked, and all that was left was a lighted centerpiece or a baby-themed basket.  Centerpiece it is!  Well, it was completely not my style.  It had a glass plate base, with a frosted glass platform, then a clear glass hurricane that held some river rocks and a battery-operated candle.  It was all encircled with greenery and hot pink and white flowers, and I had no idea what to do with it.  It was pretty tacky, to be honest.  But when I took off all of the flowers and greenery, suddenly it was just down to the glass, the rocks, and the candle, and it wasn't so bad.  And when I redid some of my decor from patriotic to an end-of-summer look, I added some beach glass to the platform piece, and voila...it works just fine on the shelf on top of our entry bench!  Storing it will be a bear, but maybe I can make it work for other seasons?

Little stuff like that--making things more accessible to use, clearing out stuff we don't, or just finding a solution for something that's bugging me--really helps me mentally these days.  A few weeks back, after I got my Instant Pot and realized it fit nowhere in my kitchen, I did some reworking to move some extra water bottles to places where they wouldn't get in my way all the time, using smaller spots in our main dish cabinets that I basically never realized weren't being used!  I know we have too much stuff, and I really do need to start getting rid of it.  For a while I fantasized about doing a yard sale and getting some cash for it, but the work involved would be immense and I know that when it's gone, I really won't think twice.  I would like to try to do consignment for some of the kids' stuff, but that project is completely overwhelming still.  As much as I know we're done, I have a couple ridiculous scenarios in my head that still prevent me from being 100% okay with getting rid of everything.  But the day that section of the crawl space is clear?  Holy cow.

I really do need to go through the toys and books, not to mention the linen closet.  Jacob's closet could probably use another once-over, and I'm probably close to the point where I could do another reasonable purge of older stuff from my closet.  It really never ends.  I know it's healthier for all of us, but it takes time and energy and a willingness to let go of sentimentality, none of which are strong suits around our house.  I have time off coming up because Jacob's camp ends in a couple weeks and we'll have to cover about seven days before school starts, so maybe we can work through a few things then, in little bits and pieces!

Oh, and speaking of the Instant Pot, I got a good deal on it and I'm trying to work it into our rotation to make things a bit easier for me.  I'm not a hardcore user like some people who try to integrate it into every meal, but it is making me a little more adventurous.  I bought Jasmine rice, for pete's sake!  I haven't done it in the pot yet, but I did try it on the stovetop with a honey bourbon chicken recipe I did in the pot, and it was just like Chinese take-out rice!  Jacob's liked the two new things I've tried (Carter not so much), and corn on the cob was a snap!

As a side note, I can tell I'm getting grumpy in my old age because the Instant Pot Facebook groups that a friend encouraged me to join made me so nuts I had to "snooze" two of the three because the repeated stupid questions made me crazy.  If people would just read a few days back, they'd probably find their question answered.  Or maybe even pick up the instruction manual?  Or look on Pinterest?  I think people are way overthinking it and trying to work miracles, and it just doesn't have to be that complicated!

Anyway, lately I've just felt like I'm taking a little control of my own life again and trying to actively fix whatever might be bugging me.  It's empowering.  I know that some of the forward progress might be in baby steps, but that's just fine.  As long as I'm moving in the right direction, it's fine.  Whether it's my impending birthday driving it, or just a lower tolerance for B.S. as I age, I don't know...but either way I think it's a good thing.