Woof.

Last night Jacob had a bit of a meltdown.  I guess that's what I'd call it.  I mean, it wasn't the typical yelling, crying, flailing meltdown you'd imagine, but more of one where he was figuratively sort of melty--like deflated.  Why?  He was asking for a dog.

He's wanted a dog for a while, preferably a husky or a German shepherd, but I think it probably intensified this week because a friend of his just got a husky puppy.  Now it seems he has determined that a dog will solve all of his problems.  He's admittedly lonely, and I don't disagree that a dog might be good for him.  A dog would probably give him the companionship he doesn't get from his brother, who would prefer to do less active things during his free time; or from our neighborhood, which is devoid of kids his age.  A dog would probably match his energy, love to be outside with him no matter the weather, and probably have the magic touch to calm him down when he's having a moment.  I wouldn't doubt he'd be a great candidate for an emotional support animal, which is sort of a step down from a service dog.  As much as I have never considered a dog, watching him last night as he wallowed in sadness over this struck me as much different than most of his "I wants", and I honestly wish like crazy that we could make it work.  But we can't.

Dogs are so much work.  With parents that work full time (and beyond), and kids in school all day, that dog would be miserable.  Add in weekends where we travel, either to Buffalo to be with family or on Jacob's many lacrosse trips, and it's clear we just don't have the best lifestyle for a dog.  Jacob insists (like every other kid ever) that he would take care of it.  He'd walk it and take it out (although he hesitated a bit as we talked about actually picking up the poop--we'd have to work through that), and even though he can't remember to take his own medicine or brush his teeth or take a shower, apparently he'd remember to feed the dog and everything else.  Now, of all of the possible household tasks that we could possibly assign to him, I almost think this might be something he'd actually do.  At least in the beginning.  Which of course, is where that other problem comes in.  I do not want to be the one responsible for the dog.  I have two kids and a husband that I can barely keep in line when it comes to keeping the house decent and keeping everyone fed and functional.  The last thing we need is a dog added to the mix.  Our house is chaotic enough.  I don't want to have to add  "take the dog out" to my to-do list, whether it's first thing in the morning, at bedtime, or when I'm out all day running errands.

Not to mention that we have a house full of off-white carpeting, and I hate the vacuum enough that I can't imagine having to do it more than I do to pick up dog hair.  I know there are varieties that don't shed, but I feel like we have so many other qualities we'd be looking for in a dog that works for us, that somehow that trait might fall down the list if we all spontaneously fell in love with one.  I don't like cleaning up after the bodily fluids of my own kids, let alone a dog, and I don't want to spend a ton of money on carpet cleaning each year....or, worse, redo the house in something easier to clean.  Keep in mind that I also can't smell, so deciphering when the dog had an accident or needs a bath or is otherwise making a stink, will be impossible for me.  That is somewhat scary to me, too.

Speaking of expenses, there's the upfront cost of the dog (cheaper with a rescue, but still), the food, the supplies, the vet bills, and inevitably some sort of kennel stay when we go on vacation.  We don't have backup family around to care for a dog, so we'd be stuck.  We're fine financially--I mean, we're nowhere near the brink of financial collapse, but we still have to be careful with our money.  With Jacob desperate to go to private school starting in two years, we'd have one year of relief next year before the money we'll soon save on daycare would shift to that--and five years down the road we'd be looking at doubling that for a couple years.  So, needless to say, we have to plan ahead a bit, and the unknowns of a dog are a little intimidating.

Making the vet bills more likely is that we have a house FULL of little toys everywhere.  Legos, Playmobil, Imaginext, army guys, superheroes...in two bedrooms, the living room, and the basement.  There's too many to condense in one spot, and I honestly don't want my kids' creativity stifled by having to clean up every night, or by their fear of destruction preventing them from playing at all.  As we've seen at my in-laws, little toys are a magnet for doggy teeth, and I know my kids would freak out (and it would annoy me, too) if their stuff was routinely getting destroyed--and worse, if it's making the dog sick in the process.  Logistically, it's just a mess.

The hard part is that there's really no "tryout".  With most things, you give it a shot and if it doesn't work out, you stop.  But with a dog there's a lot of heartbreak involved--for us and the dog.  I've seen enough pictures of sad, abandoned dogs in shelters floating around Facebook to know how awful it would be if it didn't work out.  I can absolutely see us giving it a shot, and Jacob not being as diligent as he insists he'd be, and then denying the fact it's not working for us.  He'd hate us even more if we had to take the dog back, even if it was clearly disrupting our already disrupted house.  He wouldn't be able to see it, just like he can't see his impact on our day-to-day life now.  I wish you could rent a dog, or there were therapy dogs to visit, or something where he could volunteer his time.  I mean, sure, we might be able to do something at a shelter, but I don't know if they accept kids his age.  And if we did that, I'm sure the begging could get worse if he found one he liked.  There's also the danger thing--that some rescues have gone through hell and can lash out, and I'm just not prepared to deal with stuff like that.

This all is vaguely reminiscent of how I have long felt about a third kid--my heart thinks it would be awesome, but my brain knows it can't happen.  If circumstances were different, it would absolutely be something to consider.  But in both cases, there are so many real, unavoidable issues that we simply can't work around.  The idea that a dog could calm Jacob down and positively impact his behavior makes it so tempting, because at this point we'd probably try almost anything, but the other impacts would be significant and I'm not convinced we'd end up any further ahead overall as a family.  The whole thing breaks my heart.  When he said out loud that he's lonely, or said that he's never going to be happy in our house, those things gut you as a parent.  Clearly there are a few levels of unhappiness going on here and a dog probably isn't the ultimate solution, but that little sliver of hope that it could help is tantalizing.  Maybe someday I'll be brave, but that time just isn't now.