Lately I've been really bummed because, as I mentioned the other day, Jacob isn't very photogenic these days. I pull out the camera and he immediately turns into a sourpuss. He won't smile for me, won't look cute, and pretty much runs the other way. Once in a while if he's doing something he's really into, like the drum picture from Sunday, he'll at least give me a cheesy smile...though he knows that's not the kind of smile I prefer. The squinty, exaggerated grin makes me crazy, especially when I know how adorable he can be with a genuine, open-eyed, dimple-displaying smile!
When he's doing something cute, it's rare that it will last long enough for me to run and get my camera. The other morning Jacob was singing the "Party Rock" song and it was totally cracking us up. But by the time I got the camera out (even though it was right there), he was already starting to trail off and then effectively ended the show by falling backward into some toys. That's pretty much been my luck.
Knowing his usual reaction to the camera, sometimes I hesitate to grab it because I don't want him to stop what he's doing. It's cute and I'd like to enjoy it while it's happening, which means no running off to get the camera for fear I'll miss something or the camera's presence will make Jacob stop. But it's a bummer, because I know I'm missing sweet little moments I'd like to remember.
I look back at some of the little video snippets I've taken over the years, ranging from 10 second newborn clips to older baby giggles, from big boy baseball to Christmas present opening, and I crave seeing more of those old clips. I know I'm going to want to remember how Jacob looked and sounded at this age, because there are subtle little things I'm already forgetting about his earlier stages. All the photos in the world don't capture it entirely, and while video sometimes does, it's hard to find the right moments to take. Looking back, even the random moments are precious, but it's hard to pinpoint big kid moments that will mean something down the road. They all will mean something, I know, but I'd rather get the good ones because they're far more fun to watch.
So, at this point I just feel like I've missed so much of Jacob's personality over these past months, just because he hasn't been very forthcoming when the camera's out. I should be more proactive about trying, but I don't want to make matters worse, either. I know time is just passing us by, and so many sweet, awesome moments have gone uncaptured. And in this era of ever-present technology, that seems like a travesty, doesn't it? I'm stuck between trying to hard to capture the perfect moment and not seeing any moments worth capturing. I know there's a happy medium and I'm trying not to get discouraged in the meantime, but I may spend the rest of my life mourning the lack of video footage from this part of Jacob's life, at a time where his personality was really starting to shine. Even the variety of photos isn't particularly impressive right now, and for someone who desperately wants to capture photographs that will make me swoon for years to come, that is a bit of a bummer. I'm hoping this current dry spell is a phase for both of us--that Jacob will become a master smiler and I will regain my good luck behind the lens. Hopefully this good weather will help and fun, photogenic activities will be coming soon to a blog post near you. Time is a wastin', and I don't want to miss a thing.