Back to the Little Things

During the pandemic, I found myself living for all the little things.  We didn't have a lot of "big things" happening since we rarely left the house and didn't go to many gatherings, so we perked up our days with little things--slushies, baking cookies and bagels, spring flowers and warm weather runs, dinner takeout once a week, and the simple joys of game nights, movie nights, socially distanced outings, or Zoom happy hours pretty much got us through some days.  It got to the point where I felt like we had to rein in the "special" treats because they weren't very special anymore, since we did them all the time.  Lately I feel like I'm back in that mode, latching on to little joys to get me through when everything feels a little blah or bleak.

I'm not entirely sure why it's happening, because things clearly aren't as dire right now as they were mid-pandemic.  Most days I feel pretty even-keeled--maybe not over-the-top positive, but not down in the dumps either.  So why do I feel like these little joys are getting me through again?  My best guess is that because my brain isn't completely consumed by anxiety, it's noticing other things and taking joy in them again.  Theory #2 is that there are still a handful of things causing me varying degrees of concern, and my defense mechanism is my brain distracting itself with other things.  It's sort of like when everything feels out of control and I feel better after organizing a closet because it gave me control over something, but in this case it might be beauty or simple pleasures in the midst of the muck.  While I'd like the reason I'm doing this to be the first option, my suspicion is that it's more the second one.  My anxiety doesn't spiral like it used to, but it doesn't mean the problems don't exist--they sort of just sit there festering and my brain evades them as much as it can until I can't ignore it anymore.  This past week was a bit tougher mentally.  My body was doing a few oddball things again, and it was enough to make me consider taking my rescue med klonopin more than once, which I hadn't done at all since I eased off the dose I was on early in this process.  My digestion was off again, my neck was still sore, and I started waking up again at night and not falling back to sleep.  I think some of the not sleeping had to do with deciding to finally get Carter tested for Celiac Disease.  Of course, I realized the day we did it that when he turned 12 I lost access to most of his medical stuff online.  It's a state law meant to give kids in bad family situations some autonomy, but for regular old families, it's a pain in the butt.  I hadn't figured out how to get his consent documented to regain MyChart access before the weekend, so none of his results came through.  I'll hopefully figure that out this week, but we have a doctor appointment before that so hopefully they can clue us in to the results.  But that whole situation was weighing on me a lot, and when it entered my brain at night, it was hard to get it back out.

But in between worries, I was still really appreciating my refreshed Easter decor and my new earring holder, and particularly enjoyed a really good coffee Friday morning and the couple walks I got in during the week.  I was just sort of irrationally excited about it all, to the point I wanted to post about things on social media but knew I probably needed to draw the line there because it was pretty much just stuff I would care about.  I was also overly proud of myself for getting in touch with our plumber to get a couple things taken care of.  For reference, I had been putting off getting in touch with him since the fall, when our garbage disposal started leaking.  I contacted him and then never heard back and it got awkward, and then the anxiety took over and I just couldn't be bothered after that so we just haven't been using that side of the sink very much.  But then we had a pipe start to drip in our basement and that obviously got things moving again.  House adulting is not my strong suit, so that was progress to get on that quickly.  I'm still feeling oddly motivated to call to get our wind-damaged porch ceiling fixed, too--maybe this week.  

Oh, and remember last weekend when I was so excited that I finally got the long-awaited black boots?  Well...the other day I went to wear them with a dress for work and absolutely hated how they looked with it.  I tried on a couple other things, and it was no better.  I think they were just a little too tall and it was throwing my proportions off.  I was so bummed!  I had bought them with a 40% off coupon so I was worried I wouldn't find anything else that cheap and felt like I was destined to be right back at square one for another year.  Fortunately, Kohl's had just transitioned to an additional 50% off clearance, so I decided to run there after work that day (with my dress on, I wasn't taking any chances) and try to find the other boots I had considered.  I was worried they wouldn't be there after all those days of extra discounts, or if they were, that I wouldn't like them with the dress either.  But sure enough, they were right where I left them.  I tried them on side-by-side with my old ones and they really weren't that different aside from less of a heel and a rounder toe, but they were so close.  I did one more sweep and tried on another pair that wasn't quite right, so it made my decision pretty clear.  And with the extra percent off, they were going to be even cheaper than the other ones!  Once I settled on that, I remembered that there were a couple things on the clearance racks the previous weekend that I was tempted to get, but held off because I didn't really need them.  Well, because they were now an additional 50% off (and I got my $5 Kohl's cash back), I decided to see if those things were still around.  All but one thing was, and in the end I got the boots plus three additional shirts, all for only a dollar more than I spent on the original boots!  I got a simple short-sleeved green t-shirt (one of the few colors I didn't have) for $2.50, a long-sleeved green t-shirt with gold Christmas trees and stars for $1.50, and a green (yep, all three, not on purpose) tunic hoodie sweater that's identical to the cozy pink one I bought a few weeks ago and LOVE, for less than $9.  The holiday shirt was the wildcard--I'm not really into holiday-themed clothes, but it's festive and a more modern print, more classy than cheesy, and for $1.50 it will be a nice option for holiday days at work or even a comfy, festive shirt for Christmas Day.  But again, I was irrationally excited about my finds and they made my day.  

Right before that shopping trip I gave myself permission to stop at Target and buy something I told myself I wouldn't.  They had blown glass Easter eggs this year, and you know how I am with glass!  I had seen the big one a couple weeks ago but knew I didn't want to take on that one.  But then I saw our store had the set of two smaller ones in stock, and if I used Target gift cards I'd been holding on to for months, they'd be really cheap.  I figured they'd be a nice addition to my mantel and maybe my living room cube shelves, and I just knew that it was another little thing that would bring me a little extra joy, so I let myself do it.  And I do love them.

After all of that (and a day off Friday that I'll get into in my next post), I spent most of this weekend trying to clean my house.  It had gotten pretty grubby and cluttered, and it was driving me nuts, especially because the plumber is coming Tuesday and I didn't want it to look like the hoarder house, you know?  But getting Jacob to clean anything is exhausting, and it took lots of asking to get anything done.  He did neaten up his usual pile of sneakers, school stuff, clothes, and basketballs, which was a huge help.  That alone made us look much more functional.  The living room coffee table still needs some work, but it's progress.  I spent most of Saturday doing every little project around the house, probably to put off the inevitable dusting, vacuuming, and Wet Swiffering that I dislike so much.  The decluttering is much more rewarding.  I switched out Carter's hand-me-down bin, changed my sheets (flannel is too hot for me right now), thought through a couple reorganization projects, posted a bunch of stuff on the Buy Nothing page that I've been meaning to post for months, and finally cleared out a dumping spot in my room that included the diamond painting I've been holding on to for almost five years.  

Remember how I did a diamond painting at the beginning of the pandemic?  I coincidentally happened to start it the week before everything shut down, and it provided a really nice distraction for the first three months.  It took me at least a couple years to get it framed and hung over my bed, but I always loved it and wanted to do more.  Right around the time I finished the first one, I ordered another one.  Because it was coming from China in the middle of the pandemic, that didn't go particularly well.  It took months to finally show up, and I think between wanting to save it for cold weather, getting back to normal life, and a typically busy dining room table (we had a puzzle phase for a while, Carter still does homework there, and holidays tend to fill it up, too), I just never got back around to doing it.  I have been really meaning to for a while, and finally added it to my to-do list a couple weeks ago to force myself to remember.  This weekend when I cleaned out that corner where it had been sitting, it was the perfect excuse to get it out.  I started flattening it from five years of being rolled up, and finally did some yesterday.  It was still very enjoyable, although a bit harder with worse eyes, shakier hands (thanks to the Zoloft, I think), and tenser shoulders.  Shorter spurts will be needed this time, I think.  But doing that definitely made me happy!

The very beginning of a lovely sunset view

Getting my house back in some sort of order (or in other cases, just thinking about it) was a good mental boost.  I still have so many things to work on, but reminding myself that I could be productive was helpful, because it hasn't been as easy as I hoped it would be post-anxiety.  I had assumed that when the weight of anxiety came off, I'd feel more empowered to do things.  That hasn't exactly happened, at least not consistently.  I have bursts, but a lot is still a struggle.  But maybe that has more to do with my suspected late-onset ADHD, or at least some mild neurodivergence that makes the build-up to certain takes overwhelming.  Of course, this weekend I was probably motivated by the fact that I won't be here to do anything next weekend.  It's Jacob's first tournament weekend and I'm on deck.  We'll have to leave sometime Friday and we're bringing a kid he barely knows, so it's going to be a challenging, extra long drive.  I know how tired I am when we get back from those trips, so I know my productivity is going to take a hit after this.  But this weekend did its job pretty well and I'm hoping that makes me a bit more content going into another busy week.

Oh, and the weather isn't really doing me any favors either.  Normally I rely on that to perk me up this time of year, but we're in the middle of a terrible stretch.  We get a warm day here and there, but it generally comes with rain and/or wind.  In between it's been cold and drizzly.  There still isn't a solid stretch anywhere in the extended forecast.  We even had a minor ice storm the other night.  Just a tenth of an inch of ice, so not a big deal, but Michigan got hammered.  For us it was just a pleasant opportunity wander outside on Saturday night to take pictures and videos like this:

I just really want the weather to break so at least the warmth and sun and colorful foliage will give me another option for a natural boost.  Not to mention that it increases my ability to take nearly-daily walks, as they help too.  It looks like my work is starting a new challenge, too, so getting back to it would be helpful.  I don't really want to get back in the pandemic habit of making myself happy through material things or food, or really anything outside of my faith and my family, but I feel like this reliance on external factors is just another phase of getting my brain back in order after more than eight months of overwhelming, often paralyzing, anxiety.  Hopefully they're just little boosts to help get me to the next level of functionality.  All of this has definitely been a process, and thankfully not a terrible one, but it has given me a lot of food for thought as I work through where my mental health sits on any given day.  Better than it was a couple months ago, but still a work-in-progress.  And maybe these little things are just a little reinforcement for now, en route to a better place.

Another Weekend, Another Challenge

Craig was off this weekend, and originally I was hoping we could take a family trip to Buffalo.  We hadn't been there in a while and hadn't seen our families since Carter's birthday party.  Craig's mom forgot her baseball cap at our house at the party and we had been meaning to get it back to her.  She also just had a birthday and it seemed like the best option for taking her a gift and hanging out for a bit.  Carter was also overdue for new sneakers and the outlet in Niagara Falls is usually our go-to, and with Easter coming, I was eyeing a trip to Platters for some chocolate.  As I was hatching this plan, I also considered a brief stop at the Broadway Market since I had a hankering for a couple new Polish eggs, but wasn't sure it would work since their Easter festivities didn't begin until the following weekend.  But all of this became a bit of a moot point once Jacob's basketball practice schedule came through and he had two sessions taking over much of Saturday, and another in the early afternoon Sunday, effectively blocking a full-family trip.  

After that I pivoted to just Carter and me going.  Not quite as fun or effective, of course, but I knew we could make a good trip of it.  I was still a little torn, to be honest, mostly because longer, "unnecessary" trips make me nervous since my accident.  But I have to get over that leading up to Boston in a couple weeks, so once I was sure both sets of parents were around, I committed to it and wanted to get us on the road as early as possible on Saturday (without being crazy--it is our only day to sleep in, after all).

Friday night was mostly spent working on my Easter/spring decorations.  I had really been looking forward to them, especially since I bought those new egg cups at Target the previous weekend.  I just love my spring stuff in general because it's colorful and cheery and is associated with spring and flowers and better weather (even if that's not actually happening right now--hopefully by the time it comes down, at least!).  I had a slow work day Friday so I started by putting out my outdoor eggs periodically during the day when I needed a screen break, with what seemed like the last of the sunny, not-freezing weather for a bit.  They always make me so happy to see when I'm washing dishes!  It also made my day yesterday to look out and see a mom walk by with her toddler, and the toddler lit up and pointed when she saw the eggs.  Our old neighbor who was Carter's age loved them when he little, too, and I've loved them more ever since.

Inside I worked on the rest of the decorations into the evening, culminating in the all-important mantel, which holds my Polish eggs and this year had a couple fun additions, thanks in part to an interesting couple weeks of Aldi shopping.  The great jegging search the previous weekend was part of it, but I also got some amazing underwear, a gorgeous cut glass candleholder, and then this week got a giant St. Patty's gnome and these amazing fake yellow tulips (they almost feel real, maybe a bit rubbery, not like silk flowers) for a little over $2 each.  The gnome was only around for a couple days before he got packed away with the gnome garland and other St. Patty's decor, but the tulips took up residence in my green glass vase I got at Aldi last year and the new candleholder joined it on the mantel.  I brought out the two years' worth of Target egg cups, my IKEA LED light vase (that I've had for years and rarely light, but that works perfectly to showcase a single layer of eggs), and my whole egg collection.  It may not be all aesthetic and matchy-matchy, but I still love it and how colorful it is.

I've since switched places of the candleholder and the egg vase, but you get the idea.  Three of the cups are tulips (last year's Target purchase) and the other three are dainty pastel blue, pink, and green glass (this year, also from Target).

Friday night got a little challenging, however, because Jacob started freaking out about his practices the next day.  His hip is still bugging him and these practices just suck the life out of him.  He's still working his way back from only playing a handful of games in two spurts over the past year.  He doesn't want to look weak, but he's just not where he needs to be for hours of practice each week.  He was panicked about his hip getting worse.  He's so scared to get hurt again.  He said that he doesn't even want to play spring travel, even though he knows he needs to.  If he had his way he'd just play high school, but he knows that he needs this to get better for high school next year.  He's questioning whether he even wants to play in college, or whether his body would even hold up.  I think a lot of it is just the anxiety talking.  He's so used to injuries and he's a bit scarred from his coach thinking he's weak or not working hard enough, and it all just feels like a problem waiting to happen right now, at least in his brain.  So he was freaking out much of the evening about how he didn't want to go.  He's also been back on a serious Disney kick lately, playing Old Key West music on repeat, watching videos, and begging to go back.  We had talked about May at one point, but between our work schedules, his basketball, and the school schedule, I just don't know how it would work.  But he got bad enough, practically begging for a break/vacation, that Craig actually looked up flights.  Sigh.  I wish we could make it happen for him, but I'm honestly just not sure how.

He wasn't happy about going on Saturday morning, but off they went bright and early.  Carter and I got ready shortly after and headed out.  We did pit stops for flowers for Craig's mom at Wegmans and a full tank of gas, then got on the road around 10:30.  We got to Craig's parents' around noon and hung out for a bit.  It was nice to see everyone and catch up.  Eventually we needed to get going to get lunch, and Carter wouldn't let a Buffalo trip go by without a meal at Mighty Taco.  Unfortunately, the one we stopped at first turned out to be a gas station location and didn't have any seating.  I don't trust tacos and nacho cheese in a new car, so that wouldn't work.  Since this location was minutes away from the Broadway Market, which I decided to go to after all, we had to postpone lunch a little longer, until after that stop.  I had done a little research and figured at least one of the permanent market vendors would have eggs already, so I figured it was worth a stop since it was sort of on the way to the northtowns anyway. 

I thought the stop would be really short and simple, but it turned into a tough decision--there were actually three different egg vendors!  They were all so pretty--I am just obsessed with them.  Each vendor had slightly different colors and styles, and I was only allowing myself to buy two, so we moved back and forth between vendors a few times to compare and contrast.  In the end I opted for one that's a deep orange-red with a stripe design unlike any of my others, and another that was a vibrant blue with a dark center featuring the most striking flower design.  I already have a couple blues but I just couldn't pass that one up.  Next time, I'm thinking a deep green and maybe another white.  

On we went to Mighty Taco in Niagara Falls, and then the outlets.  We made three stops at the outlet, and after much debate, Carter found a pair of sneakers.  Not a bad price either.  That felt like a victory for sure, although they're white so I have my doubts on how this will go.  And of course Jacob had his own opinions on them, but we think they're pretty sharp.

After that it was on to my parents' house.  We hung out for a bit and had dinner, and then I helped my mom with her high school reunion Excel document before we headed out.  We did a quick pitstop at Platters and then headed home to a still-reeling Jacob who was even more upset about Sunday's practice and the fact they might now have practice next weekend.  He had been telling himself that he just had to get through these two weeks, and now he might have another.  It was destroying him because he just wants recovery time to do his own thing at his own pace, and this was ruining his plan.  Sunday morning was more of the same and he just couldn't get himself ready for church in time, as much as the spiritual boost might have been helpful.  Jacob did go off to practice after a lot of debate, and believe it or not, he did amazing.  He finally seemed to find his shot and had a great practice--hip included.  Whew.  Even still, it made it clear once again how helpful anxiety meds could be for him.  He needs to regain some faith in his body and the worrying is stopping that.  We finally did get an appointment, but it's more than a month away, so we have some managing to do in the meantime.  

After church, Carter and I had some lunch, I did some laundry, finished the last part of my decorating, and then headed out for two errands--one to the craft store, and another to Kohl's.  At Kohl's, I made good use of my $5 Kohl's Cash and a long-awaited 40% off coupon to finally find new tall boots after probably three years of looking while I wore my old ones into the ground.  The soles of both heels disappeared this year and the pleather was peeling and ripping in spots, so it was beyond time, but I just couldn't find the right fit/look/price combo.  Ironically, this time I found two that might have worked, but opted for the pointy heel/toe dressy ones over ones that looked more like riding boots, even though those might have been a tiny bit more comfortable and winter-friendly.  But the dressy ones will go better with what I wear them with, and I got $100 boots for $26!  Woohoo!

The rest of the night was making dinner, doing a craft, and making soft pretzels with Aldi jalapeno pizza dough.  The craft is another spot to hold any earrings I make, since I'm almost out of space on my original one, made out of an 8x10 frame and plastic canvas.  For this one, I used an old drawer front from Jacob's dresser (they had been damaged and we got replacements) and nailed on two sections of black chain across it.  I put some cup hooks on top and have straps that match my other one to hang it.  I needed some better command hooks to hang it, which I got Monday.  I could have done nails but I think I might change that area up at some point, so for now I'll go temporary.  I think it will look really nice when it's full! 

I realized I can even add some cup hooks later to the sides of the chains since there's still some real estate there.  It's pretty big on the wall, but it's going to hold a lot.  And it cost me about a buck since everything except the chain was stuff I already had, and I had rewards that knocked down the price of the chain significantly.  Another Pinterest win, I hope!  

I ended up a bit torn about the weekend when it was over.  On one hand, I know Saturday was well-spent because seeing family is always important, time with Carter is always fun, and our shopping was successful.  But being gone a whole day threw me off after weeks of being home both days.  I get used to two days to spread my tasks and my rest across, so only having one day for everything felt a little rushed.  It meant I didn't get around to everything I wanted to do, but I did have a pretty productive Sunday as well.  I did notice a small leak around the pipes near our hot water heater, so that wasn't great, but it seems minor right now so hopefully I can get the plumber in (and finally replace our garbage disposal that's been broken since the fall--yay anxiety for putting that one off forever).

Speaking of anxiety, things are progressing.  My increased sleep meds have been working well, although I'm still more tired than I'd like to be some days.  I've noticed, however, that my evening "naps" have decreased by a ton, so something must be working.  I may still wake up in the middle of the night--sometimes needing a bathroom run--but I can generally fall back to sleep pretty easy.  Some days I wake up between 5:30-6, or maybe 6:30 on weekends, but it's still so much better than it was because I'm sleeping pretty soundly for most of the night.  I'm hoping this is retraining my body for better sleep if I ever go off the meds, but I'm going to give it a lot more time before I try that.  My Zoloft remains steady since it's working well enough.  Some days I could take Klonopin if I feel a little on-edge, but I haven't because I read that mixing Klonopin and my sleep med could be a bit dicey, so I'd have to make the call by about 11am to avoid overlap.  At that point in the day I'm usually still trying to figure out if it's bad enough to warrant it.  I've also read about how alcohol is bad with Zoloft (my co-worker warned me), so I'm debating when I'll try a small drink to gauge if a glass of wine socially might cause any issues.  But otherwise, I'm grateful it's working as well as it is.  I think I might be noticing a couple minor side effects, but for the most part it's worth it.  My neck issues are still there and keep evolving slightly, so I haven't called the doctor yet, but I really do think something is inflamed there.  I don't want to go into the doctor sounding like a crazy person with multiple complaints and theories, so I'm trying to hone in on the clearest issues.  That isn't always easy when your body is adjusting to a new medicine--even if said new medicine made a lot of other things disappear!  But the anxiety relief is still pretty mind-boggling to me, and makes it clearer than ever how drastically things had escalated.  I'm still wishing for a bit more positivity--I feel even-keeled right now, but I was hoping that the lifting of that weight would make me more energetic, cheerier, and maybe more effective with tasks I was avoiding.  It's maybe a little better, but not where I want to be.  I think I've moved from surviving to managing, but not quite from managing to thriving, if that makes sense.  It's a work in progress, but any progress is good.

We have a bit of a quieter week this week before things start ramping up in April.  I’m trying to savor this pace while I can because I feel like we’ll be diving head-first into spring before we know it, and we all know how quick things move once that happens.  It’ll be October again before we know it!

Divide and Conquer

It was a bit of a weird weekend around our house.  We were officially a house divided: Carter went on Craig's roadtrip, and Jacob and I were home together.  That was a rare setup, for sure!  But before I get into that...

Last week the weather really seemed to perk up.  We had a few really pleasant days--sun and 60s felt SOOO good after a long winter.  It felt great to get back to my walks and get some fresh air.  Signs of spring have slowly been popping up, from these snow drops...  

...to these crocuses.

The crocuses actually confused me a bit, because the same day I saw those, I had a memory pop up with crocuses.  It felt like they were so early last year because of the warm winter.  I already had forsythias trying to bloom, tiny leaves on my hydrangea, and bulbs were popping up everywhere.  But this year it's been so cold that I haven't noticed much happening--I hadn't seen a peek of my hyacinth bulbs and while there are buds on some trees and plants, I hadn't noticed much greening at all.  So it surprised me that the crocuses had the same timing.  But these were in a different spot and I didn't see any where I took that picture last year, so who knows.

Thursday was Carter's String Festival concert.  It's probably my favorite of the year because seeing all of the district elementary and middle school students together is really neat.  It's such a massive group, and the contrast between the skill of the elementary students vs. the middle school students is fascinating.  We got there a little later than would be ideal because I had to drop Carter off early and then go back to get Craig, who had just gotten home from an appointment for Jacob.  As a result, we didn't get the best seats, but we could see Carter periodically around other kids.

It's such a huge group--this picture doesn't even capture it all.  Elementary is on the left and middle is on the right.  Carter was in the middle of the right group.  I sort of like orchestras because you know where all of the instruments usually sit, so finding him in a sea of kids like that is way easier than it would be otherwise.

This was a middle school song with an Asian influence.  It's definitely one of the most character-filled pieces I've heard them do.  

I had my real camera going in addition to my phone.  It was nice to zoom in and see him closer.

This was the grand finale with the entire orchestra.  It wasn't quite as grand as last year's Seven Nation Army finale, but it's still cool to see such a big group perform.

I really do love seeing him perform (since I pretty much never see him practice at home--he insists he does it when no one is here), and it still blows my mind that he seems to be pretty decent at it.  One more concert to wrap up the year in a couple months.

The only other interesting thing from last week was that we finally got the results from Jacob's endoscopy biopsy.  Oddly, the only notable thing was that his stomach had deposits of excess iron, called gastric siderosis.  That was likely what was causing the redness they saw.  I'm still waiting to hear back from both the doctor who did it and his GI nurse practitioner about what that means.  In theory it would probably mean that he has excess iron in his system, but that seems odd because two years ago his ferritin level was low (like mine, my mom's, and Carter's have all been), so he'd been supplementing since.  His hemoglobin level is really good, but the ferritin hasn't been retested since.  But I'm not sure why it would have recovered, especially to the point of leaving excess iron in his stomach.  I did see that there could be a link to reflux meds, so maybe that accelerated the inflammation?  I'm curious to see what they say, but I hope this discovery helps him in some way.

On Friday afternoon, Craig and Carter left for Ottawa.  A couple months ago I had noticed that was one of Craig's roadtrips, and I realized it might be a fun one for us to join him on.  I really wanted to go, especially since we had considered going there years ago, but an expired passport got in the way.  Well...then Jacob didn't want to go, and then we realized he'd have practice for his travel basketball team, so someone had to stay behind, which was, of course, me.  I could have tried to ask my parents, but I didn't want them to feel like they had to do it, as it would involve staying for a couple days, and in the end I was happy I didn't because things got a little crazier than I would have wanted to put them through.

Carter had a blast, though.  He sent this picture from the drive.

He made a friend.

He got some A&W!

He had fun at the arena with Craig, hanging on the bench and being in the press box.  He even got asked on-air to pick the player of the game!

He also got Pizza Pizza, had an amazing burger and a giant breakfast sandwich, plus some Tim Horton's.  It was really all about the food!  They were staying at a fancy resort, too, so they had a big suite and liked exploring the property.  They also saw this cuddly stuffed dog, but when they found out it was over $100 (Cdn), it promptly went back on the shelf!

They would have liked to stay and do some fun stuff in Ottawa, but the weather was going to be sketchy and they were content to just come back.  They hit a really bad thunderstorm near the end on top of a lot of wind.  It was a bit unnerving at home, too, although it was nothing compared to what the midwest and south dealt with all weekend--over 40 deaths and dozens of tornadoes, plus wildfires in Oklahoma.  It hit home a bit more this time because some of them hit in areas Jacob and I traveled in two years ago.  One went through Chesterfield, MO, which was where the St. Louis tournament was.  Rolla, MO had another, and we drove through there coming back from Springfield.  Parts of Oklahoma--including near the University of Oklahoma and in Stillwater, where Oklahoma State is--had wildfires.  A bunch of houses were destroyed in Stillwater, and it boggles my mind because who lives in Oklahoma and expects to lose your house that way?  But the tornado damage was immense and it's so sad that these things seem to be getting more explosive and frequent, even in areas that don't typically have them.  New York had a record number of tornadoes last year, and there were a few warnings across the state this weekend from the same system.  Other states like Indiana and Ohio had them too.  It was a historical outbreak (much like another of our destinations, Joplin, had many years ago, which I did a deep dive into when we were there), and having been in so many of those areas, it broke my heart.

Speaking of those trips, this weekend marked a return to Jacob and me being alone together like we were on our spring travels that year.  It actually started out pretty great.  We went out to dinner at Outback and had an enjoyable meal, where he finally got his Thunder from Down Under sundae that he has wanted to get forever.  He ended up filling up sooner than he wanted but he enjoyed what he could and brought the rest home.  We had good conversation and a really pleasant night.  We watched a lot of Disney videos over the weekend because he's back on the Disney quest again.  Overall, he seemed to be in good spirits and I was really enjoying his company.

Saturday morning he had to go to his travel team training camp.  It was three hours, and I was admittedly nervous how his body would hold up.  He's playing on a really elite team, and given that he's still coming back from his surgery and is a bit rusty, I wasn't sure how this would go.  Because the practice location was more than 20 minutes from our house, I decided to kill some time only 10 minutes away in the nearest town.  I was on a hunt for something at Aldi--I didn't find it but got a good deal on a water bottle carrying bag for my summer walks.  I had a few things on my list for the Dollar Tree next door, and then there was a Five Below in the plaza so I went there and did some unsuccessful Easter basket scouting.  Then I went to the Target across the street and finally had some Easter basket shopping success.  I also spent $3 on little pastel glass egg cups that I could not stop looking at.  They're so dainty and cute, they sort of match a cut glass candle holder I bought at Aldi last week (more than I wanted to spend but I just couldn't leave it!), and I like egg cups for displaying my Polish eggs individually.  I think they might also coordinate well with the tulip egg cups I got at Target last spring, but we'll see when I pull them out this weekend.

After the Target run, I had to get gas and wanted to get a Slurpee to enjoy the nice day, but alas, that station only had cherry and blue raspberry, which didn't excite me.  Boo.  After that, I drove about 25 minutes south (but only 15 minutes from the practice) to Livingston County Pizza to pick up an order of yeast donuts I got for Jacob.  He almost never gets yeast ones (the fall donuts are always cake ones), so I thought that would be nice and would kill some time.  On the way back I realized I wouldn't have time to grab lunch before pickup, so I regretted not getting the Slurpee to hold me over.  But then I realized there was a 7-Eleven not far off my route so I took a detour there and finally got one (Mountain Dew and Cherry).  I grabbed Jacob and had to drive him a half hour back to his school (grabbing some food for him en route), dropped him there to work a senior all-star game, and then had to kill time again.  I opted to drive to another Aldi in the next town over that seemed to have the thing I was looking for earlier (based on Instacart), but I realized after I went there and looked that it was actually the other location in the town, so I headed there.  And at long last, after checking all three of my usual locations, plus another a couple days earlier, and three more that day, I found the denim jeggings I wanted.  I love the pairs I have and these were a different color, and Aldi's sizing is sometimes weird but someone with my exact measurements wore the small size perfectly, so I had to jump on them this time when I knew they'd fit.  Such a victory to finally find them in the bottom of the box in the last convenient store!  As I pondered lunch options in the car, Jacob texted me to come get him a half hour early, so I headed back and we finally went home for a bit to rest up.  He was pretty down about his performance and really tired, but he wasn't done because he had actual team practice later in the day.  He was dreading it. 

We had almost two relaxing hours to eat lunch and chill, but then he got a call from his high school coach (who's not his travel coach but is coaching another team) asking where he was.  Apparently they changed the practice time to an hour earlier at the parent meeting earlier in the day--the one we were told not to go to because Jacob had to go to that all-star game and most of it was the same as previous years anyway.  So we got there about a half hour late (clearly not his fault) and he had an hour of practice time, which was probably a fortunate turn of events since he was already tired.  Of course, we weren't sure when it ended and I didn't want to go do the grocery shopping I had planned to do and then maroon him there if it ended quickly, so I basically sat there the whole hour on my phone, listening to Craig's broadcast.  Could have been worse, but it had been a long day and we were very relieved to get home after that.  Practice didn't go particularly well either, so I knew it would be a tough night.  I made us pizza with Trader Joe's gluten-free dough and hoped for an uneventful, restful evening even though I knew he was dreading going back on Sunday morning.

Well...that's not how it went.  At one point Jacob sat on the couch ready to use the Normatec, which is a compression treatment he uses on his legs.  He hadn't done it much since the surgery but his legs were tired enough that he pulled it out.  As he tried to position himself something happened to his hip and it really started to hurt.  He was convinced he tore the labrum or something, based on where the pain was, so he was freaking out.  He couldn't start over rehab again, he couldn't miss time, maybe he should just quit basketball because he couldn't even stay healthy for one day....etc.  It was rough.  Again.  We're working on the anxiety med situation--but clearly I wished we would have gotten to it sooner.  He couldn't sleep after that, then when he wanted help with sleep, it was too late to give him anything since he had to be up around 6:30.  He woke up exhausted and nauseous.  He was gaggy and had to settle for a piece of toast en route.  We had to pick up his teammate in the city (off an exit I generally purposefully avoid as a petite white woman) and tried to get them there as early as possible despite originally questioning whether Jacob should even go.  But he refused to bow out.  I guess his effort that day ended up being pretty good, but his shot is still off and he's just not at the level he needs to be, so he may be downgrading a bit.  That's not a bad thing--it's still a high level of basketball, and he's still young so recruitment isn't really an issue.  It will give him more playing time (which is really what he needs) and more leeway to make mistakes until he's back to where he needs to be.  I think it seems like the coach might be a better fit, too.  So, we'll see.  Maybe it was all meant to be.  But basketball-wise, it was a bit of a tough weekend.  Jacob got reassurance from his trainer on Monday that it's just a hip flexor, so that was good news because it's very treatable.  

I spent Sunday's practice shopping at Wegmans and having coffee and a pretzel bagel at Tim Horton's, but otherwise I pretty much made the rest of my weekend as productive as it could be with a limited amount of free time.  I took care of some pesky things like laundry and gathering up our tax documents.  I brought up a couple warm weather shirts, wrote a blog post, and transferred over the concert pictures and videos.  I made a new batch of meatballs and made Chex Mix with Jacob.  I had a bunch of things on my to-do list and worked through most of them--and really all of the ones I had originally intended on doing, maybe with the exception of more fun free time stuff I'm trying to remind myself to take time to do.  I keep thinking that I want to play some Super Mario and start the diamond painting that's been sitting in my room since late 2020, but I keep running out of time.  I'm always happy to watch TV and make earrings, too, but I didn't get to that either.  But productivity was good in this case, so I'll do fun things another time.

This weekend was Craig's last roadtrip with the exception of the playoffs, so we just have a few more home games to go.  One of those weekends will be the first travel trip to Boston, which will be all me.  Craig is off this weekend, at least, so we're hoping to maybe go spend some time in Buffalo, pending Jacob's practice schedule, to see Craig's parents and my parents and do some shopping (sneaker shopping at the outlets and maybe a Platters Chocolate stop for Easter baskets).  We'll see if we can make it work, but some family time would be nice since sports have prevented us from doing much of that on weekends in recent years.  Easter is coming, but it would be nice to have some quiet hang-out time ahead of that since the day is usually really busy.

But for now, I'm off to enjoy some nice weather while I still can!

Now and Then

We've officially hit the five-year anniversary of when COVID started to take over our lives.  I always remember that our last normal day was Friday the 13th, and the night before was the fateful Wegmans trip where shelves were empty and lines snaked through the store.  That made it clear things were getting real.  Over the course of that weekend, the kids' schools closed and I was instructed to work from home.  Everything changed in a flash.  Two weeks seemed overwhelming at the time, so we could barely envision what the next few years would hold.  It's funny, because as things evolved over those couple weeks, I started thinking about past pandemics and how long they lasted.  Could two weeks really make a difference if those went for years?  I thought about how herd immunity was less of a thing with this one, and even with vaccines it would be a long road to get to a place where we could get back to normal.  I could barely fathom how we'd manage having our lives upended for years when a couple weeks felt hard.  Somehow we did it, but sure enough, years later life has never really gone back to normal.  Our new normal has been in place for probably close to a couple years now, and probably feels better than it has in a long time, but it's been quite a journey.

The other night we were at Carter's String Festival concert and they mentioned how it was the 32nd year, but the first one was 34 years ago--two years were missed because of COVID.  It's easy to forget how limited our lives became five years ago.  Something like a concert was unheard of for months.  It's funny looking back at the pictures I took at that time.  It's amazing how much younger the kids were--pre-pubescent Jacob and tiny Carter who was just losing his upper two front teeth as it began.  There were lots of little moments in time like car parades, homeschool projects, Zoom calls, and adventures in baking.  It was such a strange period, full of small joys amidst immense stress.  We played games, watched a lot of TV together, and started eating take-out once a week so I could get a break and we'd have something to look forward to.  I planned my meals a week in advance so I could shop only once.  Thank God it happened then and not now, because even with my best planning I'm still at Wegmans 2-3 times per week now, thanks mostly to the giant man-child who still eats like a growing boy.  The simplest things felt scary and full of unknowns, from going out to a store or wondering if your sniffles were something more, to how we were going to get the kids through the school year.  When I think of that first missed Easter and our drive-by Mother's Day, it's sad.  They felt like such a loss.  But that was nothing compared to our first missed Christmas.  But early on it felt like a noble sacrifice, and sometimes I still think it was.  We were doing our best to stay healthy and flatten the curve.  People and areas that didn't sometimes paid a large price.  I had a memory pop up the other day that said, "Months from now, if we're lucky, the extreme measures being taken now to limit the spread of COVID-19 may seem like they were an overreaction, because relatively few people died.  That's the point.  That's why we're doing it."  And sure enough, people are still saying that very thing (even though millions of deaths seems like more than "relatively few").  Was some maybe overkill?  Sure.  But a lot of it was when we didn't have a handle on the disease, we didn't have vaccines or treatments or even open hospital beds, and bodies were piling up inside mobile morgues.  We did the best with what we had at the time and things could have been so much worse.  But could kids have gone back to school sooner?  Probably, but how many more would have gotten sick and passed it to loved ones?  I know at least three people that are still struggling with Long COVID, and sometimes I think some of my health issues could be tied back to my first exposure, so it wasn't "just a cold".  People also still want to blame the vaccine for a lot of sudden deaths these days, all the while forgetting almost everyone has had COVID too, and health issues stemmed from COVID far more than the vaccine.  Even though people think all of the socializing kids missed ruined a generation, it turns out that areas that weren't impacted by school closures as badly still report so many of the same problems.  So maybe it wasn't just school and there was more at play.  It was a weird time and kids felt it, too.  

Five years later it's clear it was a major contributor to the polarized world we live in now.  It created bigger divides between political parties because there seemed to be little room for sensibility in between complete freedom and being cautious to protect yourself and others.  Even though Trump mishandled it in so many ways, he's somehow back in office and empathy and sensibility still seem to be in short supply.  The overreactions to the other side have escalated--churches were closed then and now the church is persecuted and fighting back; each side tries to control one another--one side wants to control guns, the other bodies and books; vaccines are vilified or at least downplayed, even as measles spreads widely and dysentery is back in Oregon (how ironic).  It's a miserable existence for so many--not just Democrats but even some Republicans who are beginning to realize what they voted for.  Not enough of them, mind you, but let's just say that the acronym "FAAFO" is pretty common these days because we have hit the "finding out" stage.  

The stock market has tumbled in recent weeks thanks to Trump starting trade wars with our closest allies and alienating us from most of Europe by mistreating the Ukrainian leader in favor of Russia.  He did a literal car commercial for the richest man in the world in front of the White House, and the guy who's supposed to be improving our health and wellness did what amounts to an infomercial for a fast food joint on TV, all because they started frying their fries in beef tallow, which he endorsed.  Speaking of the richest man, he's an unelected official who's going all renegade in government agencies to weed out "waste", but is actually haphazardly cutting things like National Park staff, support for veterans, the Department of Education, and school food programs.  Medicaid and Medicare are on the chopping block, just so billionaires can get another tax cut.  Trump has mentioned taking over Canada, Greenland, Panama, and Gaza.  It seemed like a joke at first, but no, he mentions it like it's a real thing all the time.  He also has hinted multiple times at running in 2028 even though it's not Constitutional.  Some of the laws that legislators have put up are ridiculous--weird special interest stuff rather than real things to help people--and one congressman blatantly misgendered the first transgender congressperson the other day with zero shame, to the point he did it again even after getting served up the chance to redeem himself.  There's so much more but this is a hefty sampling.  I figured I'd write all this down so--much like I can do now with pandemic posts--when I look back on this post years from now I can be bowled over all over again by the absolute insanity we're experiencing.

Every day right now it's like living in a bizarro world, as the news stories get weirder and more extreme.  And now, as we move back into the same time of year when COVID hit us hard, so many people are feeling a similar sense of impending doom and disbelief.  Similar job losses, similar science denial, similar economic concerns, and everything feeling a little bit out of control.  It's eerily similar for a lot of people and I think the PTSD from the COVID doom is starting to hit all over again.  It feels like such a slippery slope we're on, where one domino after another falls and it feels like the very foundation of our society is crumbling.  The parallels to Hitler's regime are sobering, and so many people live in fear of what group will be targeted next--immigrants, gay and trans people, protesters, even women.  The lies, the attacks on free speech, the special interests, the bullying, the gaslighting...it's shocking what's happened in only two months.  Five years ago things escalated quickly, and it's happening once again.  Things once thought unthinkable are becoming a reality, and it's a scary place to be sometimes.  Once the pandemic eased I don't think we expected to be back to this level of angst ever again, let alone so soon.  

I've seen it said that being apolitical or not caring about major issues is a sign that you're privileged.  It doesn't affect you so you don't have to care.  While there is this underlying stress from what's happening, I'm honestly just trying to block it out as much as I can, or at least not internalize all the stress, while I still can.  It doesn't mean I don't have empathy or don't feel impacted myself, it just means I'm trying to prioritize my mental health while I have that luxury.  The balance may shift at some point as the injustices pile up or the economic burdens increase, but for now letting what I can go seems like the wisest route.  But it's a lot.  The onslaught is just getting to be too much, and much like I've said about our family over these last nine months, we just need a break from the madness.  All of us who lived through COVID never quite recovered, and now we have to manage this, too.  And oddly, once again it feels like two different groups are experiencing two different realities, and that maybe makes it even harder that the pain of so many is invisible and dismissed by others, in part because of questionable journalism and an administration full of blatant lies that are taken as fact.  It's hard to watch.  It's sad what we've become, but I can only hope that this exposes all the crazy and we ultimately come out of this more resilient, more united, and on track for a better future.

News & Notes, Almost Spring Edition

Part of me simply can't believe it's March already.  I mean, yes, winter takes forever to move along and I know it'll be cold for a long time yet, but to already be past January and February is a little crazy to me.  I keep thinking about things from past years that happened in March and I'm like, that felt so much farther into the year.  Like Lent starting this past week.  This coming week is Carter's String Festival, which is usually a super cool concert but felt like it had so much more build-up last year.  I can put out spring and Easter decorations in a couple weeks, when it feels like I just took down the Christmas ones.  I saw in an email that the end of the third marking period is coming up at the end of the month, which means only one more to go.  Traveling for basketball starts early next month.  And spring flowers and weather should be arriving any time now, in whatever baby steps they can.  It's like I got distracted for a few weeks as the peak of winter hit, and suddenly we're over the hump.  I'm grateful, but it's almost a bit jarring if I'm being honest.

We actually had a couple warm days this past week and it felt pretty incredible.  This winter was quite a bit more intense than most we've had in recent years.  We're actually right on target for an average winter, snow-wise, but we have double what we had at this time last year.  I took numerous walks last winter, but Wednesday's was my first since the end of December.  It's been that cold and snowy.  Even now it's tough to get clear sidewalks (still some snow, lots of puddles and mud), but it was worth it to get some fresh air, exercise, and warmth.  The big snow piles are going to take a while to go down, but the other night I did vanquish the last of the iceberg at the end of our driveway.  It made so much noise every time I drove over the ice that I thought I was hitting something, so I was thrilled to finally shovel up the rest of it.  We may still get more snow (20 inches, if averages hold)--and indeed we've woken up to some the last couple mornings that thankfully melted quickly--but hopefully nothing is as large or long lasting as what we had at this point.  I haven't really looked much at my yard, but I do know there are buds on our one tree and my hydrangea (meaning I might have to start covering it for intense cold).  No hyacinth bulbs yet, though.  I had a lot of plants struggle through some fungus at the end of the year last year, so I'm a little nervous about how they'll fare this spring.  I'll be honest, as eager as I am for spring, the thought of getting my plant stuff situated feels a little overwhelming right now.

Speaking of overwhelming, Jacob's basketball travel is already weighing on me, and we don't even know what team he's on yet.  I know there's supposed to be at least one trip that's on me, and I'm definitely having flashbacks to two years ago.  Some of those are positive.  I spent most of March that year panicked, and while a lot of that travel ended up a bit stressful and exhausting, I do have some fun and/or interesting memories from it.  There was warm weather, our day visiting colleges was a lot of fun, and while Jacob's injury put a damper on things, I did really love seeing the Chihuly exhibit and bombing memorial in Oklahoma City.  And, while it wasn't exactly pleasant, driving 15+ hours halfway across the country with my teenager is something I don't take for granted.  We didn't get along perfectly on those trips, but they could have been far worse.  I'm trying to stay positive (and thankful for my meds as we enter the planning phase), but it's going to be a lot.  Craig mentioned that this would be Jacob's first full summer season since he played for ICC back in 2022, which is hard to believe.  Injuries cut 2023 short, and he skipped last year.  I really hope his leg (and the rest of his body) can hold up this year.  It's a big year and he could be on a really good team (or, alternately, have a huge role on a slightly lower-profile team), so there's a lot at stake.

Speaking of time warps, this week marks five years since the start of the pandemic.  I decorated my work cubicle's mascot (a stuffed naked mole rat) in her St. Patty's Day attire the other day, and it took me right back to 2020.  She was wearing that attire when we went remote, and I wasn't back in the office for months after that, so she was wearing that stuff for a while and was waiting for me along with March calendars when I finally stopped back in.  Five years seems pretty monumental.  I think for the most part life is as back to normal as it can be, but once in a while you see social distancing stickers or masking signs or some other relic of that time and realize how crazy that period was.  So many unknowns, so many changes.  It was a lot.  The memories of our last busy weekend popped up the last couple days and it'll all weirdly bittersweet.  Pandemic life accounts for almost a third of Jacob's life and a bit less than half of Carter's.  It changed so much in my life because I work from home two days a week, but so many little things have never really gone back to normal--some good, some less good.  It's easy to look back at the pictures of the little bright spot moments from that time and get a little warm-fuzzy about them, but reality is that there was so much stress from homeschooling and so many unknowns that accompanied it.  The slower pace had its advantages, but there are so many things I feel like I'm still recovering from in some way five year later.  At minimum, my hair and my TV viewing habits may never be the same.

This past week Jacob had his long-awaited endoscopy.  He really wanted to get it done (until a day or two before, of course, when he started panicking) because I think he wanted peace of mind.  With all that he's dealt with over the past nine months, I think it felt like a means to an end in some way.  He was really nervous for a couple days and just wanted to get it over with.  Luckily the prep was no worse than fasting for blood work.  We were back at the surgical floor that we were at for his leg surgery, which probably would have been triggering had I not been medicated.  I was weirdly calm leading up to it, which is maybe a symptom that I've gone too far the other way from the anxiety to being blissfully unaware, or maybe I was finally calm enough to think reasonably about this, that if he wasn't horribly sick or getting worse nine months in, the odds of something being really wrong were slim.  It was nice to be the voice of reason for a change.  The biggest obstacle was the IV, which he struggled with before his last surgery.  But that used numbing cream this time (which he wouldn't have done had he knew it meant an extra half hour wait) and he distracted himself with his phone, and he did great.  The procedure was super fast--I sat in the room for a minute before they told me where to go, at which point I immediately went downstairs (maybe a five minute walk each way) for a coffee, and by the time I came back up I had about five minutes before the doctor came out to chat.  Everything was fine aside from some redness in his stomach, which could be from the reflux.  They did take biopsies that we're still waiting on, and one of those will check for H. pylori, which is a bacteria that can cause inflammation...and, actually, now that I look, a lot of the symptoms he's had.  Hmmmm.  Otherwise we'll probably try a different reflux treatment.  I did mention that we're aiming to get Jacob started on anxiety meds, and she said that could definitely help.  So, barring anything cropping up with the biopsies, nothing was too concerning.  His blood work was perfect as well, so I think that was a big weight off his mind.  This week I have my follow-up with the nurse for my anxiety meds, so I'll be talking to her to get Jacob set up for a chat.

Speaking of my meds, things are going pretty well, all things considered.  I'd say that as long as my things to worry about stay within normal ranges, the meds work well and I don't really notice any side effects.  If things get a little stressful, I definitely feel a bit more anxiety or general dread, but it's still doing a pretty good job of stopping the spiraling, which is huge.  It allows me to think through things so much more clearly and without all the extra noise of worst-case-scenario worries.  It's allowed me to focus on what lingering health concerns I have, which is pretty much some back funkiness and a lot of tension and irritation around my neck, including what I think still includes some sore lymph nodes.  I feel a bit better about calling my doctor knowing that I'm not overthinking things anymore and that I have filtered out a lot of other concerns to be pretty sure that this is one that needs attention.  It's just such a relief to not be on edge and overly worried all the time about whatever insanity my brain dreamed up.  

The one work-in-progress at the moment is my sleep.  I finally got fed up when I woke up exhausted on Monday again.  After a couple super rough days from not sleeping the prior week (that I think may have been enhanced by my reflux acting up), another one where I was awake at 3:30 and still had to work a full day in the office was the last straw.  I messaged the nurse and she prescribed another med for me.  I picked it up that evening and tried a half dose for the first two nights.  I still woke up around 3:30, but I was definitely groggy, which was helpful with maintaining a restful state and having a better chance of going back to sleep.  I was still annoyed to be waking up, but switching to a full dose was a little better.  The first night I dozed more after waking up, and last night I woke up briefly around 1 and didn't wake up enough to look at the clock again until 5:30.  I slept more until after 7, so that wasn't half bad.  And while I was pretty slow to get moving today, I only rested a little once and never actually napped, which felt like progress.  Of course, tonight is the time change so that could wreak more havoc, but hopefully this is a start.  I just really want to get my body back on a better sleep schedule in hopes I can eventually do it without drugs.  Peri-menopause may have plenty to say about that, but I have to try.

Otherwise, we're moseying along.  Carter won a "Shout Out Award" at school for being a conscientious student, Jacob spent most of the weekend watching Section V championship games (and worrying about a hamstring strain), and Craig is back from his second-to-last road trip of the season.  I really wanted to go on his last one as a family, to Ottawa, but Jacob is refusing to go and may have practice anyway, so that probably won't happen.  He apparently doesn't want me to use this trip (or any of his basketball trips, for that matter) as a "vacation" and weasel out of going back to Disney.  We did say we'd work on going again this year, but timing is an issue.  Summer is just so hot and miserable, but any other time overlaps with school or insane crowds.  So we would need to figure that out, but I still maintain it's better to make the most of opportunities.  He's annoyed at the thought of Carter and I tagging along on trips to do other things.  It looks like there's one near Kings Island in Ohio, a couple more not far from Hersheypark, and a couple in Atlantic City (which of course more means Ocean City).  Any of those could be fun and make the most of a hotel room we're already paying for, but we'll see.

I'm trying to take each day (and night) as they come right now and I'm really thankful my meds are keeping me from getting too overwhelmed (or overtired, for that matter).  I still want a little more energy and productivity, but hopefully I will get there.  I can't wait to be walking more as the weather improves, and I'm hoping that as my brain and body heal from the last nine months, some of the neurodivergent-style struggles and coping mechanisms I've developed will fade as well.  I've been on this quest to improve myself and still have a long way to go, but I can't complain so far.  Any progress is good, and mine has been noticeable.  I'm thankful and hopeful this is just the beginning of an upswing.  We're due.

Jinkies, that was fun!

A couple weeks ago, the day after Carter's birthday, we were supposed to go for our annual Strong Museum night courtesy of an investment my grandma set up for me years ago.  It's been one of the coolest things to be able to go for free when it's not so busy (or feeling overrun with germs).  I was looking forward to it so much this year because the current temporary exhibit was one we were excited about, so I was pretty bummed when the weather forecast for that day looked less-than-ideal.  Sure enough, they opted to postpone, which was at least a relief that it wasn't canceled.  Initially I was nervous they'd bump it out father, but thankfully it was just a two-week wait.  Unfortunately, Craig was feeling a bit under the weather and Jacob was not interested, so in the end it ended up being just Carter and me.

Every year I swear we'll get there right on time when it starts, because it's only 2-1/2 hours and always feels so short.  But every year it's apparently hard to convince myself to make dinner shortly after 4pm so we can leave by 5:15.  This time it was a combination of not being hungry, getting caught up in an activity, and dinner taking longer than planned to make, and we didn't get there until 6pm.  Darn.

Our first stop was the temporary exhibit room, which this time featured Scooby-Doo!  Scooby has long been a favorite around our house--I think we own almost every DVD there is.  It was cool to see a Mystery Machine in person!

The exhibit was really cute.  There were a bunch of activities, mostly geared toward little kids but some that were fun for everyone.  They had a section explaining some of the techniques that the criminals use so you could look for clues around the exhibit.  This section was testing out a trap--you had to get each section set up, and then there was a net on the right that came down over the suspect.

In this one, Scooby kept busting through walls running from a ghost, and Carter had to contort himself to fit through the Scooby-shaped holes accurately.

They had a couple Playmobil displays around, as well as a display of lunch boxes from over the years and some other toys and collectibles.

Carter loved this section.  He was on the other side of the wall controlling the knight's eyes, scary sounds, and funky lighting.  He could see me on a camera to see my reaction.

They had a section--no surprise--that was dedicated to food.  I thought it was cute to imagine Carter sitting down to pizza with Scooby!

But standing next to him was pretty fun, too!

They had a whole setup where you could make a giant fake-food sandwich or ice cream.  I didn't see the bread until later and sort of wished we'd made a silly giant one!

They did, however, have this fun game that was sort of like Whack-a-Mole--hit the buttons as they light up and add a topping to your sandwich.  Carter got 54 twice, but I must have missed a couple as I only got 52!  At the end the sandwich grew like you see!

I was personally most excited to get my picture with Velma.  You may recall I dressed up as her for Halloween years ago, and as my maiden name is only one letter off from Velma's last name, I have long been associated with her in my family.  I was half tempted to bring my Halloween sweater out of storage and wear it so we could be twins.  Had my hair still been short, I may have been more tempted!  Even still, it was fun!

She doesn't have her glasses on here because she lost them and wants help figuring out the clues!

In this station you had to scan clues and get some identifying characteristics of them to put them all together and pick your suspect.  We almost got tricked by one red herring detail, but we got it!

In this one you had to play notes in a certain order for a little compartment of jewels to open up on the organ.

When I got to the better Velma cutout, I had to put my own glasses on to take the selfie!

And voila, my new profile picture!

It was fun to get pictures with the whole gang!  Make sure you zoom in and see what Carter's sign says!

Our next stop was the pinball arcade.  Most of our favorites were actually under maintenance, including the old-school baseball one, the Mario one, and the Hot Wheels one.  We still managed to find some fun ones to play.

Near the back door exit to the Game Park outside was this fun Snoopy.  I wished Craig had been there to see him!

We tried to play giant Chutes and Ladders but got a little confused and had to move on.  But it was cute!

It's a little sobering seeing your childhood in a museum.  My Little Pony got inducted into the National Toy Hall of Fame last year.  I definitely had at least one small one (it was a baby and had cute baby accessories), and I believe I had a stuffed one similar to the one they had there.  The internet tells me it was "Parasol".  I have no idea what happened to her, but I thought she was pretty cool.
 

Up in the other arcade I had to try this game.  It was challenging--you had to use two different levers to control the helicopter and have it's "whiskers" on the bottom contact little metal posts around the edge.  One at a time would light up and you had two minutes to see how many you could get.  I actually did really well until one that seemed to be just out of reach.  I tried so many times!

Speaking of toys from my childhood, I can't remember if I ever posted this before, but I desperately wanted one of these.  I was at a little shop with my grandma who loved to buy us things, and I really wanted one of these.  She refused to buy it because it was ugly.  She did buy me a tiny porcelain tea set, which I did love despite its impracticality.  It's actually still at my house in a memory bin, although it's down a handle or two.  But I still love him.

This entire shelf was my childhood as well.  Strawberry Shortcake, Smurfs, and poseable Care Bears.  I had a bunch of each!

Since Carter vetoed going into the butterfly exhibit, I had to settle for taking pictures of fish.  I do love the fish, though they're even harder to photograph.

We went into the Digital Worlds section (the one that was new last year) and did a few of the digital activities.  Carter was obsessed with this one where you tried to avoid the lasers.  He got reasonably far until we couldn't figure out how to get past the rock bed at the end.

I didn't take a ton of pictures because my phone was dying and so much of what we done was similar to what we've done in the past.  We just popped around to almost the entire museum (somehow we totally missed the Video Game Hall of Fame this time--I just didn't even see it) and did a little of everything.  We did the crooked room, the air cannon (although Carter did it at ME instead of the target), controlled the giant Mr. Potato Head and Magic 8-Ball, played a little Super Mario and Atari, and quickly looked at some of the other toy displays.  

I stopped to get one more Scooby selfie on our way back through...

...and then made Carter sit on the Sesame Street steps with me.  It could have been Big Bird's nest, so I think he got off easy.

On the way out we did a quick three-minute jellyfish design in the last seven minutes of the event to add to the aquarium screen.  It's so cool--you design your fish or jellyfish, scan it, and it immediately pops out of a tube into a couple giant screens that look like an aquarium.  Carter did the "Hi" to be silly, and I did the coloring on the rest really quick.

This is how it looked:

It's so cute, isn't it?  

Anyway, it was a really fun night even if I wished (as always) that we had more time.  Carter may be getting to a point (like Jacob) where he's mostly over it, but as I told Carter, maybe that will become Craig's and my date night instead!  Or, heck, I'll go by myself!  I rarely get to look at exhibits for more than a second anyway, so sometimes it's nice to just do what you want!  I did tell my parents they should come sometime, as I don't think they've ever been (unless they went with my brother's kids once?), and that's probably a fail on my part to never have gotten them there with my kids when they were little.  It is a bit overstimulating on a typical day, but this event would be much easier for them to manage, I think.  We missed having Craig (and Jacob) with us this time around, but I'm glad to have had another year to enjoy it with my buddy.