Part of me simply can't believe it's March already. I mean, yes, winter takes forever to move along and I know it'll be cold for a long time yet, but to already be past January and February is a little crazy to me. I keep thinking about things from past years that happened in March and I'm like, that felt so much farther into the year. Like Lent starting this past week. This coming week is Carter's String Festival, which is usually a super cool concert but felt like it had so much more build-up last year. I can put out spring and Easter decorations in a couple weeks, when it feels like I just took down the Christmas ones. I saw in an email that the end of the third marking period is coming up at the end of the month, which means only one more to go. Traveling for basketball starts early next month. And spring flowers and weather should be arriving any time now, in whatever baby steps they can. It's like I got distracted for a few weeks as the peak of winter hit, and suddenly we're over the hump. I'm grateful, but it's almost a bit jarring if I'm being honest.
We actually had a couple warm days this past week and it felt pretty incredible. This winter was quite a bit more intense than most we've had in recent years. We're actually right on target for an average winter, snow-wise, but we have double what we had at this time last year. I took numerous walks last winter, but Wednesday's was my first since the end of December. It's been that cold and snowy. Even now it's tough to get clear sidewalks (still some snow, lots of puddles and mud), but it was worth it to get some fresh air, exercise, and warmth. The big snow piles are going to take a while to go down, but the other night I did vanquish the last of the iceberg at the end of our driveway. It made so much noise every time I drove over the ice that I thought I was hitting something, so I was thrilled to finally shovel up the rest of it. We may still get more snow (20 inches, if averages hold)--and indeed we've woken up to some the last couple mornings that thankfully melted quickly--but hopefully nothing is as large or long lasting as what we had at this point. I haven't really looked much at my yard, but I do know there are buds on our one tree and my hydrangea (meaning I might have to start covering it for intense cold). No hyacinth bulbs yet, though. I had a lot of plants struggle through some fungus at the end of the year last year, so I'm a little nervous about how they'll fare this spring. I'll be honest, as eager as I am for spring, the thought of getting my plant stuff situated feels a little overwhelming right now.
Speaking of overwhelming, Jacob's basketball travel is already weighing on me, and we don't even know what team he's on yet. I know there's supposed to be at least one trip that's on me, and I'm definitely having flashbacks to two years ago. Some of those are positive. I spent most of March that year panicked, and while a lot of that travel ended up a bit stressful and exhausting, I do have some fun and/or interesting memories from it. There was warm weather, our day visiting colleges was a lot of fun, and while Jacob's injury put a damper on things, I did really love seeing the Chihuly exhibit and bombing memorial in Oklahoma City. And, while it wasn't exactly pleasant, driving 15+ hours halfway across the country with my teenager is something I don't take for granted. We didn't get along perfectly on those trips, but they could have been far worse. I'm trying to stay positive (and thankful for my meds as we enter the planning phase), but it's going to be a lot. Craig mentioned that this would be Jacob's first full summer season since he played for ICC back in 2022, which is hard to believe. Injuries cut 2023 short, and he skipped last year. I really hope his leg (and the rest of his body) can hold up this year. It's a big year and he could be on a really good team (or, alternately, have a huge role on a slightly lower-profile team), so there's a lot at stake.
Speaking of time warps, this week marks five years since the start of the pandemic. I decorated my work cubicle's mascot (a stuffed naked mole rat) in her St. Patty's Day attire the other day, and it took me right back to 2020. She was wearing that attire when we went remote, and I wasn't back in the office for months after that, so she was wearing that stuff for a while and was waiting for me along with March calendars when I finally stopped back in. Five years seems pretty monumental. I think for the most part life is as back to normal as it can be, but once in a while you see social distancing stickers or masking signs or some other relic of that time and realize how crazy that period was. So many unknowns, so many changes. It was a lot. The memories of our last busy weekend popped up the last couple days and it'll all weirdly bittersweet. Pandemic life accounts for almost a third of Jacob's life and a bit less than half of Carter's. It changed so much in my life because I work from home two days a week, but so many little things have never really gone back to normal--some good, some less good. It's easy to look back at the pictures of the little bright spot moments from that time and get a little warm-fuzzy about them, but reality is that there was so much stress from homeschooling and so many unknowns that accompanied it. The slower pace had its advantages, but there are so many things I feel like I'm still recovering from in some way five year later. At minimum, my hair and my TV viewing habits may never be the same.
This past week Jacob had his long-awaited endoscopy. He really wanted to get it done (until a day or two before, of course, when he started panicking) because I think he wanted peace of mind. With all that he's dealt with over the past nine months, I think it felt like a means to an end in some way. He was really nervous for a couple days and just wanted to get it over with. Luckily the prep was no worse than fasting for blood work. We were back at the surgical floor that we were at for his leg surgery, which probably would have been triggering had I not been medicated. I was weirdly calm leading up to it, which is maybe a symptom that I've gone too far the other way from the anxiety to being blissfully unaware, or maybe I was finally calm enough to think reasonably about this, that if he wasn't horribly sick or getting worse nine months in, the odds of something being really wrong were slim. It was nice to be the voice of reason for a change. The biggest obstacle was the IV, which he struggled with before his last surgery. But that used numbing cream this time (which he wouldn't have done had he knew it meant an extra half hour wait) and he distracted himself with his phone, and he did great. The procedure was super fast--I sat in the room for a minute before they told me where to go, at which point I immediately went downstairs (maybe a five minute walk each way) for a coffee, and by the time I came back up I had about five minutes before the doctor came out to chat. Everything was fine aside from some redness in his stomach, which could be from the reflux. They did take biopsies that we're still waiting on, and one of those will check for H. pylori, which is a bacteria that can cause inflammation...and, actually, now that I look, a lot of the symptoms he's had. Hmmmm. Otherwise we'll probably try a different reflux treatment. I did mention that we're aiming to get Jacob started on anxiety meds, and she said that could definitely help. So, barring anything cropping up with the biopsies, nothing was too concerning. His blood work was perfect as well, so I think that was a big weight off his mind. This week I have my follow-up with the nurse for my anxiety meds, so I'll be talking to her to get Jacob set up for a chat.
Speaking of my meds, things are going pretty well, all things considered. I'd say that as long as my things to worry about stay within normal ranges, the meds work well and I don't really notice any side effects. If things get a little stressful, I definitely feel a bit more anxiety or general dread, but it's still doing a pretty good job of stopping the spiraling, which is huge. It allows me to think through things so much more clearly and without all the extra noise of worst-case-scenario worries. It's allowed me to focus on what lingering health concerns I have, which is pretty much some back funkiness and a lot of tension and irritation around my neck, including what I think still includes some sore lymph nodes. I feel a bit better about calling my doctor knowing that I'm not overthinking things anymore and that I have filtered out a lot of other concerns to be pretty sure that this is one that needs attention. It's just such a relief to not be on edge and overly worried all the time about whatever insanity my brain dreamed up.
The one work-in-progress at the moment is my sleep. I finally got fed up when I woke up exhausted on Monday again. After a couple super rough days from not sleeping the prior week (that I think may have been enhanced by my reflux acting up), another one where I was awake at 3:30 and still had to work a full day in the office was the last straw. I messaged the nurse and she prescribed another med for me. I picked it up that evening and tried a half dose for the first two nights. I still woke up around 3:30, but I was definitely groggy, which was helpful with maintaining a restful state and having a better chance of going back to sleep. I was still annoyed to be waking up, but switching to a full dose was a little better. The first night I dozed more after waking up, and last night I woke up briefly around 1 and didn't wake up enough to look at the clock again until 5:30. I slept more until after 7, so that wasn't half bad. And while I was pretty slow to get moving today, I only rested a little once and never actually napped, which felt like progress. Of course, tonight is the time change so that could wreak more havoc, but hopefully this is a start. I just really want to get my body back on a better sleep schedule in hopes I can eventually do it without drugs. Peri-menopause may have plenty to say about that, but I have to try.
Otherwise, we're moseying along. Carter won a "Shout Out Award" at school for being a conscientious student, Jacob spent most of the weekend watching Section V championship games (and worrying about a hamstring strain), and Craig is back from his second-to-last road trip of the season. I really wanted to go on his last one as a family, to Ottawa, but Jacob is refusing to go and may have practice anyway, so that probably won't happen. He apparently doesn't want me to use this trip (or any of his basketball trips, for that matter) as a "vacation" and weasel out of going back to Disney. We did say we'd work on going again this year, but timing is an issue. Summer is just so hot and miserable, but any other time overlaps with school or insane crowds. So we would need to figure that out, but I still maintain it's better to make the most of opportunities. He's annoyed at the thought of Carter and I tagging along on trips to do other things. It looks like there's one near Kings Island in Ohio, a couple more not far from Hersheypark, and a couple in Atlantic City (which of course more means Ocean City). Any of those could be fun and make the most of a hotel room we're already paying for, but we'll see.
I'm trying to take each day (and night) as they come right now and I'm really thankful my meds are keeping me from getting too overwhelmed (or overtired, for that matter). I still want a little more energy and productivity, but hopefully I will get there. I can't wait to be walking more as the weather improves, and I'm hoping that as my brain and body heal from the last nine months, some of the neurodivergent-style struggles and coping mechanisms I've developed will fade as well. I've been on this quest to improve myself and still have a long way to go, but I can't complain so far. Any progress is good, and mine has been noticeable. I'm thankful and hopeful this is just the beginning of an upswing. We're due.
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