We've officially hit the five-year anniversary of when COVID started to take over our lives. I always remember that our last normal day was Friday the 13th, and the night before was the fateful Wegmans trip where shelves were empty and lines snaked through the store. That made it clear things were getting real. Over the course of that weekend, the kids' schools closed and I was instructed to work from home. Everything changed in a flash. Two weeks seemed overwhelming at the time, so we could barely envision what the next few years would hold. It's funny, because as things evolved over those couple weeks, I started thinking about past pandemics and how long they lasted. Could two weeks really make a difference if those went for years? I thought about how herd immunity was less of a thing with this one, and even with vaccines it would be a long road to get to a place where we could get back to normal. I could barely fathom how we'd manage having our lives upended for years when a couple weeks felt hard. Somehow we did it, but sure enough, years later life has never really gone back to normal. Our new normal has been in place for probably close to a couple years now, and probably feels better than it has in a long time, but it's been quite a journey.
The other night we were at Carter's String Festival concert and they mentioned how it was the 32nd year, but the first one was 34 years ago--two years were missed because of COVID. It's easy to forget how limited our lives became five years ago. Something like a concert was unheard of for months. It's funny looking back at the pictures I took at that time. It's amazing how much younger the kids were--pre-pubescent Jacob and tiny Carter who was just losing his upper two front teeth as it began. There were lots of little moments in time like car parades, homeschool projects, Zoom calls, and adventures in baking. It was such a strange period, full of small joys amidst immense stress. We played games, watched a lot of TV together, and started eating take-out once a week so I could get a break and we'd have something to look forward to. I planned my meals a week in advance so I could shop only once. Thank God it happened then and not now, because even with my best planning I'm still at Wegmans 2-3 times per week now, thanks mostly to the giant man-child who still eats like a growing boy. The simplest things felt scary and full of unknowns, from going out to a store or wondering if your sniffles were something more, to how we were going to get the kids through the school year. When I think of that first missed Easter and our drive-by Mother's Day, it's sad. They felt like such a loss. But that was nothing compared to our first missed Christmas. But early on it felt like a noble sacrifice, and sometimes I still think it was. We were doing our best to stay healthy and flatten the curve. People and areas that didn't sometimes paid a large price. I had a memory pop up the other day that said, "Months from now, if we're lucky, the extreme measures being taken now to limit the spread of COVID-19 may seem like they were an overreaction, because relatively few people died. That's the point. That's why we're doing it." And sure enough, people are still saying that very thing (even though millions of deaths seems like more than "relatively few"). Was some maybe overkill? Sure. But a lot of it was when we didn't have a handle on the disease, we didn't have vaccines or treatments or even open hospital beds, and bodies were piling up inside mobile morgues. We did the best with what we had at the time and things could have been so much worse. But could kids have gone back to school sooner? Probably, but how many more would have gotten sick and passed it to loved ones? I know at least three people that are still struggling with Long COVID, and sometimes I think some of my health issues could be tied back to my first exposure, so it wasn't "just a cold". People also still want to blame the vaccine for a lot of sudden deaths these days, all the while forgetting almost everyone has had COVID too, and health issues stemmed from COVID far more than the vaccine. Even though people think all of the socializing kids missed ruined a generation, it turns out that areas that weren't impacted by school closures as badly still report so many of the same problems. So maybe it wasn't just school and there was more at play. It was a weird time and kids felt it, too.
Five years later it's clear it was a major contributor to the polarized world we live in now. It created bigger divides between political parties because there seemed to be little room for sensibility in between complete freedom and being cautious to protect yourself and others. Even though Trump mishandled it in so many ways, he's somehow back in office and empathy and sensibility still seem to be in short supply. The overreactions to the other side have escalated--churches were closed then and now the church is persecuted and fighting back; each side tries to control one another--one side wants to control guns, the other bodies and books; vaccines are vilified or at least downplayed, even as measles spreads widely and dysentery is back in Oregon (how ironic). It's a miserable existence for so many--not just Democrats but even some Republicans who are beginning to realize what they voted for. Not enough of them, mind you, but let's just say that the acronym "FAAFO" is pretty common these days because we have hit the "finding out" stage.
The stock market has tumbled in recent weeks thanks to Trump starting trade wars with our closest allies and alienating us from most of Europe by mistreating the Ukrainian leader in favor of Russia. He did a literal car commercial for the richest man in the world in front of the White House, and the guy who's supposed to be improving our health and wellness did what amounts to an infomercial for a fast food joint on TV, all because they started frying their fries in beef tallow, which he endorsed. Speaking of the richest man, he's an unelected official who's going all renegade in government agencies to weed out "waste", but is actually haphazardly cutting things like National Park staff, support for veterans, the Department of Education, and school food programs. Medicaid and Medicare are on the chopping block, just so billionaires can get another tax cut. Trump has mentioned taking over Canada, Greenland, Panama, and Gaza. It seemed like a joke at first, but no, he mentions it like it's a real thing all the time. He also has hinted multiple times at running in 2028 even though it's not Constitutional. Some of the laws that legislators have put up are ridiculous--weird special interest stuff rather than real things to help people--and one congressman blatantly misgendered the first transgender congressperson the other day with zero shame, to the point he did it again even after getting served up the chance to redeem himself. There's so much more but this is a hefty sampling. I figured I'd write all this down so--much like I can do now with pandemic posts--when I look back on this post years from now I can be bowled over all over again by the absolute insanity we're experiencing.
Every day right now it's like living in a bizarro world, as the news stories get weirder and more extreme. And now, as we move back into the same time of year when COVID hit us hard, so many people are feeling a similar sense of impending doom and disbelief. Similar job losses, similar science denial, similar economic concerns, and everything feeling a little bit out of control. It's eerily similar for a lot of people and I think the PTSD from the COVID doom is starting to hit all over again. It feels like such a slippery slope we're on, where one domino after another falls and it feels like the very foundation of our society is crumbling. The parallels to Hitler's regime are sobering, and so many people live in fear of what group will be targeted next--immigrants, gay and trans people, protesters, even women. The lies, the attacks on free speech, the special interests, the bullying, the gaslighting...it's shocking what's happened in only two months. Five years ago things escalated quickly, and it's happening once again. Things once thought unthinkable are becoming a reality, and it's a scary place to be sometimes. Once the pandemic eased I don't think we expected to be back to this level of angst ever again, let alone so soon.
I've seen it said that being apolitical or not caring about major issues is a sign that you're privileged. It doesn't affect you so you don't have to care. While there is this underlying stress from what's happening, I'm honestly just trying to block it out as much as I can, or at least not internalize all the stress, while I still can. It doesn't mean I don't have empathy or don't feel impacted myself, it just means I'm trying to prioritize my mental health while I have that luxury. The balance may shift at some point as the injustices pile up or the economic burdens increase, but for now letting what I can go seems like the wisest route. But it's a lot. The onslaught is just getting to be too much, and much like I've said about our family over these last nine months, we just need a break from the madness. All of us who lived through COVID never quite recovered, and now we have to manage this, too. And oddly, once again it feels like two different groups are experiencing two different realities, and that maybe makes it even harder that the pain of so many is invisible and dismissed by others, in part because of questionable journalism and an administration full of blatant lies that are taken as fact. It's hard to watch. It's sad what we've become, but I can only hope that this exposes all the crazy and we ultimately come out of this more resilient, more united, and on track for a better future.
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